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About this blog

This is my journal towards weight loss. This is where I can come and put everything out there. I have kept my decision to myself. The only person besides my doctor that know is my husband. (I finally told my best friend too!) My kids know I had surge

Entries in this blog

 

Testing my new lifestyle.....

1-23-09   I went out to eat today and I was so scared I was going to blow it! I almost said no to those that were visiting from out of town, but I thought that at some point this would happen. I would need to eat out without planning for it. I needed to face it and see how I would do. I just said that this was becoming a lifestyle. Well life has unexpected twists. Would I handle this with style or fall back to my old ways?   I told them what I always order. (Chicken chimichanga with a huge plate that had cheese, guacamole, beans and rice on it along with the deep fried chimi.) Two of the four ordered it. I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t tempted. I thought of how good it would taste and how crappy I would feel. I thought about my weekly weigh in with my online support group tomorrow. I still wondered how I would say no. I thought about hitting the 220’s today for the first time. I STILL thought about it!!!!   I was absolutely RELIEVED when I realized that the band wouldn't let me completely pig out. That got me thinking straight. I ordered two tacos. It was just another reason I love my band! I had three tortilla chips with salsa and ONE taco and I was done. It was AWESOME!!!! I took the other taco and gave it to a co-worker.   I don’t know what the scale will say in the morning, but I won’t be terrified about stepping on it!
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

Off the wagon...

11/7/08 I fell off the wagon…..Ok it was more a jump….or leap. Yeah, Leap would probably cover it. I know that I shouldn’t have, but I did. I have been having a hard time getting in even 900 calories. Of course the monster I fight (obesity) tells me….well I have been so low on calories it won’t hurt. One time. One meal. I’ll write it down and figure it in. I don’t have a fill yet. It will be okay. After almost a month with no bread, pasta, potatoes or rice I ate pizza. I feel like crap. My chest hurts because I ate too much. I wish I could rewind. I am so happy that I can start over right now. I can’t think about what this has done to the scale. I won’t think about it. Yeah…..maybe that was a little too Scarlet O’hara. Sorry I am feeling a bit dramatic. I almost want to puke, but I don’t want to take the chance of hurting my band. HA! That is almost funny. If I didn’t want to hurt my band I wouldn’t have eaten pizza. I ‘ll tell you what really got me started. I stepped on the scale yesterday and I had lost a total of 26 lbs. I was on cloud nine. It was the first time I had been in that area for about 2 years. Today the scale gave me back 3 lbs. I was tired, sore and frustrated. It isn’t a good excuse to do that. I won’t step on the scale until Monday. I need to stay off of the scale except once a week. I have that compulsion to weigh everyday. Now that I have the Wii Fit (I just got it yesterday!!!) I even have another excuse to weigh. I’ve got to stop that.!
julie.ann

julie.ann

7
 

Food isn't my friend. It isn't my enemy. It is neutral.

10/22/08   I messed up. I have given up bread, pasta, rice and potatoes. That is my pre-op diet. I have been doing ok and I have lost 14 lbs. Tonight I forgot my ah, ha moment. I had a test and I failed. I went out with friends and I failed. I suffered a last supper. I thought I will have what I am craving and I know it will be full of fat, but I won't be breaking my diet. I won't go into it. I know many of you are on clear liquids. By what I had was breaded and I didn't think about it until after I was done. Of course the 3 grey goose and cranberry juices didn't help. I screwed up. So now I have to ask what did I learn from this. I learned that I need to remember that when socializing food doesn't make things more fun. That was my ah, ha moment. A few weeks ago I realized that food is not supposed to be fun. It is there to survive. It isn't fun. Fun is shopping for regular sized clothes and making love to your husband and feeling sexy. Fun is rock climbing and jumping up and down when you son makes a great miniature golf shot. Fun is sitting in a chair and feeling comfortable without a table in from of me to hide my body. Fun is not eating. Food doesn't want me to feel good. Food doesn't make me feel better. Food isn't my friend. It isn't my enemy. It is neutral. It is there to sustain life.   I flunked my test, but instead of feeling like giving up like I usually do I am going to learn from it. I wanted to get in the 260's before my surgery. I may have just cost me that milestone. I will survive. I will achieve. I will learn from my mistake. I will research and be prepared the next time I am invited out with friends. It may take more work....but a skinnier butt is worth it!
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

my "Ah-ha" moment

10/17/08     Here is my "Ah-ha" moment. (a bit lengthy)   I have just realized that eating is not supposed to be fun. No...I know what you are thinking. Well I know if it was me two weeks ago I would be thinking that it may not be fun, but I enjoy it.   I always saw eating as fun. Entertainment. I used it as a reward for myself or a consolation. I would put the kiddos to bed when they were little and then sit down with my favorite show and a plate of garlic bread and enjoy. If work REALLY sucked I would come home and sit down and eat ice cream or pick up McDonalds on the way home because I "deserved" it.   Eating is not supposed to be fun. I thought going out with friends and having fun equaled eating.   I started my pre-op diet on Monday. I started it earlier than I needed to and I have lost 8 lbs since last Friday. Wow I felt great...but I had that nawing desire for a last supper. Come on surely some of you can relate. That last...I can't eat this for months......can I ever eat this with the band......last supper. As of tomorrow no bread, pasta, rice or potatoes.   I ate great all day. I went grocery shopping and did it. Guess what. IT SUCKED!!!!!! I had garlic bread and frozen pizza. (My staple) Not only was the garlic bread not satisfying, but the pizza tasted...well, flat. That is the only way I can describe it. Flat! It tasted worse than ever before. My taste buds would be much happier if I had eaten veggies and chicken breast. I wish I could puke. I hope I remember this feeling forever! So not worth it!   I know that I will want crappy food again. But I feel like I am a step ahead of where I was before. Now listen to this. Are you ready? Eating is for survival. It is to get enough nutrition to live. That is its main focus. I know this sounds simple, but I have been oblivious to the obvious. (Try saying that three times fast.) It is not a reward. It does not console us. It doesn't take away boredom It doesn't listen to our problems. It is a fair weather friend....actually not even a friend at all. It is that bi*chy girl in jr. high that we thought liked us, but only pretends to until she can stab us in the back.   I am ready now. I am ready to start the rest of my life. I am ready to try to forget this "last supper". Actually I guess I want to remember it forever.
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

Changing from a diet to a lifestyle...

1-17-08   Mentally I am doing pretty good. I think that the newness is wearing off. I am still motivated. I guess after 3 months things really are becoming more of a lifestyle change. It isn’t as hard to choose to eat healthy as it used to be. Today my hubby and kids wanted McDonalds. I went with DH to pick it up because I wanted to grab a couple of things at the store. It wasn’t even a choice I needed to make. I wouldn’t put myself in that situation over and over, but it was okay. I made myself one of these great stuffed chicken breasts that I found. They are at Wal-mart and they are about 230-270 calories, 7-8 carbs and 35 protein. It is so good and tasty. (It is Sam’s Choice brand and come in many different flavors. I like the pepper jack cheese and bacon.) Anyway my point is that I didn’t have any problem waiting the 30 minutes for my supper to get done because the band as curbed my hunger so much and THEN I couldn’t even eat the entire chicken breast before I was full. What I eat and make ahead of time has become a habit. Making food for the next few days has become habit. (I love my quick and easy chicken salad and I keep turkey breast around for a grab and go meal to eat at work with some cottage cheese and a veggie. )   My attitude toward this journey is starting to change. I’m not bored with it. That isn’t the right way to explain it. I guess like I said it is becoming more of a lifestyle. It is more of a normal way of life. I still get up every day and get on the Wii to weigh myself. I immediately get on lapbandtalk.com and record my weight change on my tickers. Every Friday I post my weight for my October 2008 group and every Saturday I have started to post for my Dr. Kirshenbaum group since I started their new challenge. Each Monday I record my weekly weight on my excel spread sheet that graphs my progress. This is a focus in my life, but I haven’t had to focus on it an intensely. It is nice. I just have to know how to balance everything in my life.     Part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have always been that person that starts to wonder what will happen when things are just going too good.
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

I've met some goals...Time to set a few more!

1-16-08     I have hit some of my Non-Scale Goals. My goals include being comfortable sitting in a chair without having a table to hide me.
Being able to cross my legs and be comfortable. (especially in an airplane)
My kids being able to hug me and put their arms all the way around me
I realized after my son’s game last night that I was comfortable sitting on the bleachers watching him play. I wasn’t completely self conscious like I used to be. I can cross my legs. I’m not completely comfortable doing it yet, but I’m getting there. Tonight after school when each of my boys gave me a hug they were able to lock their hands together behind me. WOW! Three months after surgery. Who would have thought!   My next goals are to · Weigh less than my husband · Be able to use a regular size towel and rap around me and have it stay. · Still working on crossing my legs comfortably. · I will be flying in April. I want to be more comfortable on an airplane and not wonder if the person next to me is wondering how they got stuck next to the fat chick. · I am planning to go parasailing! I wouldn’t go last year when I was at the beach in April because of my weight. I plan on being in onderland this year so I can’t wait to go!!! Whew! That is a lot! Here I go……
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

I think every fill is different...

1-10-09 Well my second fill is behind me. Dr. K saw my weight loss and asked me if I even needed a fill. (I lost 15# in 5 weeks.) I asked the same thing two days earlier when I called the office. What made Natalie decide that I needed to keep my appointment was the fact that I was starting to get hungry a little faster between meals. I also can eat more than I should. I would stop at about 1 ½ cups but I know I could eat more. I think every fill might be different. It wasn’t as clear for me this time how much was the right amount. Last time there was a level that water didn’t move, then one that did a little more, a lower level with a tiny hesitation then a level when with water ran right through. This time I questioned myself more. Maybe it was because I didn’t hit the level when nothing would move through. I have been so worried about getting too tight. I went out to eat my now customary Sizzling Chicken and Cheese at TGI Fridays like I have for every Denver trip. I was so worried that it wouldn’t go down easily. Thankfully it went down great! I was happy to find that it took much less to fill me up. Last time I ate at TGI Fridays I put half of the meal in a TO GO box and ate a half order. This time I, of course, started out by putting half of the meal in a box, but I had to put half of what was left on my plate in the box too! I only ate ¼ of my meal and I was full! Wow! That was great! This morning I had to stop my breakfast after not being able to finish half of it. I am going to have to learn what my band wants and how much. That’s ok! I don’t mind. I hope that I won’t need to go back to Denver. I hope that I have found my “sweet spot.” I have been working hard at the gym too. At least three 30 minutes workout each week is my minimum. I have been there 3-5 days a week and I try to work out at least an hour each time. I do 30min of cardio every day I make it to the gym and then I’ll work my abs or upper body or legs. I don’t work my legs enough. I know that. I need to work on that because I don’t want to be pear shaped, but I think if I keep working out my upper and not my lower body that is what will happen. I’ve also noticed that I am having a harder time getting an intense workout when it comes to weight training. I did add a new ab exercise. I have to keep my motivation up. Weighing in everyday on the Wii helps me with that. Yesterday was the first day I missed since I was out of town for my last fill. Well I have a goal for Valentine’s Day and only have to lose 11.1 more pounds to get there. I would love to blow that goal out of the water!
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

Better than Disney World!

FIFTY pounds gone forever! I can't believe it! Three short months ago I was getting ready to start my pre-op diet! It was 3 months ago that I was wondering if I would let myself down like I had every other time I tried to lose weight. It was 3 months ago I wondered if the band would work for me the way it worked for so many. Three months ago I was wondering what if I spend all this money…$265/mo for 5 years, to weigh the same as I did on my surgery day. I am over a third of the way to my goal. I can’t wait to see how I get there and when. It is like a trip to Disney World. It’s coming…I know its going to be great and so much fun once I get there. The anticipation is just about killing me!
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

Why are NEGATIVE comments easier for some people to make?

1/3/09 I can’t believe it has been so long since I’ve posted. Well my family did come. The entire first day no one said ANYTHING about my weight loss. After 45 pounds gone and not one word! DH tried telling me they were just too tired to. I couldn’t believe it. About noon the next day dad said something. Then they said oh, yea they noticed right away. I asked why if I gain 2 lbs on they apologize and asked if I gained weight. It goes something like “I’m sorry, I know you don’t want me to ask, but have you gain weight?” HELLO! :crying:When I asked why they make negative comments so quickly about my weight, but not positive comments my mom seemed kind of set back and honestly said I was right. :thumbup: This is how we grew up. Looking back I wasn’t BIG growing up. In high school I was heavy, but not big. My grandma would tell us we were so big and overweight and needed to eat less and exercise and my parents seem to agree by omission. They never stuck up for us. I’m not saying I am the perfect mom. I have to work at not making comments about my daughter’s weight. She is overweight, but not big. Kind of like me. I don’t want her to follow in my footsteps. I work at saying positive things and biting my tongue when a stupid comment wants to slip out. Sometimes they do. I’m not perfect, but I apologize for saying something so stupid. Anyway….I am finally off of the stupid plateau that stuck around for two weeks.:thumbdown: I know Christmas/New Years snacking didn’t help matters much. I am down 47# I hope to lose another 3 to make it an even 50 by the time I get a fill on Friday. I would like to have lost 100# by my birthday in June. Getting to onderland will be great too! If I lose 2 #/week I will be there by May. If I lose 3#/week I can be there in April. I hope the plateaus go away till then. I think part of my problem was that 45# seemed like such a big number for me to lose and I am feeling good about myself that I started to think I could ease up a little. I guess it isn’t a bad thing to slip off the wagon every now and then. I have to find my commitment and I think getting of the plateau will do it. I promised myself no matter what I ate or how little I worked out I wouldn’t skip a day on the scale. I know weighing in daily isn’t for everyone, but it helps to keep me accountable. At 8:00pm at night when I’m not hungry, but want to snack the thought of getting on my Wii Fit and weighing myself at 6:30 in the moring helps to keep me honest. I also see how my actions affect my goals. I like the Wii Fit because it graphs it all out and tells me my BMI. I don’t work out on it much because I have been hitting the gym every day that I can. Some weeks that is only 3 or 4 times and every once in a while I get there 5 times. I have started a Valentine’s Day challenge and have set 15# as my goal. Someone on one of my groups make the comment about size 9 in ’09. :scared2:That seems like a HUGE goal to set since I haven’t worn that since jr. high. (I guess…I really don’t remember wearing that small of a size.) I have always told my kids if you want to succeed then you have to aim high. If I hit my goal this year I will fit into that size 9! Good luck to everyone and I hope each of you reach your 2009 goals!
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

Acceptance......and a good bye to another Christmas.

12/26/08 Well I went back to the gym and worked hard. I have been gaining and losing the last 2 lbs over and over for about 10 days. I was so smug before thinking that I was lucky and doing so well….I guess it happens to everyone. Christmas is a hard time to diet. No doubt about that! I guess I should be happy if I don’t gain any weight this week. At one point I was 0.2 lbs away from my New Years goal. Now I am about 1.5lbs away. I don’t know if I will make it, but if I don’t make it by New Years it will be okay because I will make it soon. Ever since I really started focusing on that goal I haven’t done very well. I need to go back to the philosophy that said even if I mess up or don’t lose as fast as I want to I will lose it. It is ok not to be perfect. It is ok to mess up as long as I get back up and keep going. I am going to mess up. I have to expect it. That way it won’t hit me so hard when it happens. It will be ok and I will keep going and keep losing! I have to accept a new chapter in this Lap band book. I have to give up pizza. :embaressed_smile: I have been eating pizza occasionally. Too often lately. It has been around a lot. Today we helped some friends move. (I am actually exhausted and I don’t think I am going to make it to the gym tonight. I will tomorrow.) Anyway they ordered pizza for the group. I got stuck and started sliming at lunch and at supper. I thought I just wasn’t watching my bites well enough and I probably wasn’t, but I think it is time for me to accept that I have gotten tighter and that means no more bread. Not even pizza crust. I thought I would be upset and just want it more…but to tell you the truth I am kind of relieved. I think I needed an excuse not to eat it. My will power had failed me recently. It is time for me to get back to basics. I found out today that my grandpa passed away. I wasn’t close to him and the only reason I am going to the funeral is to support my mom. She needs some closure. Now my sister her 4 boys and my mom are coming home. That means I don’t get to surprise them this spring/summer with my weight loss. Oh…I guess I still will when I hit onderland, but it just won’t be as big of a surprise. I am still not planning to tell them about the lap band until I in onderland and much closer to goal so now I have to watch what I eat and not let them figure out what is going on. We’ll see what happens. I know that they will think that I went off the deep end if I tell them before there are more results. I need them to say “WOW! I wish I had done that!” Anyway….good bye Christmas. Parting is such sweet sorrow. I love you and hate your snacks and I can’t wait until next Christmas when I plan to be at goal! I pray it will be true!
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

How to Lap Band .....is that a dance?

This is how I am doing what I am doing.   1. The second most useful tool for me is keep VERY CLOSE track of what I eat on www.sparkpeople.com That is about all I do on there because I have this great support system here so I don't use it for that. This may even be my #1 most useful tool at this point until I reach my sweet spot. It helps me to make smart decisions. Remember the band is just a tool. It won't keep you from putting things in your mouth that will cause you to gain weight. Until we can all get out of bandster hell and get to that much talked about sweet spot. Many I have talked to can eat anything they want...just in bandster portions.   2. No potatoes, rice, pasta or bread. I say none, but I do have an occasional piece of thin crust pizza. I went without anything that resembled any other these for a month. I got these carbs out of my system. Oh, I still eat carbs. Don't get me wrong. I eat plenty of carbs. No atkins diet for me. But they have to be carbs with purpose. Veggies or fruits. I look at potates now, even mashed potatoes and think...nope, so not worth it!   3. This is also a BIG ONE. Anytime I look for something to eat I stop and ask myself "Am I hungry?" :bored:I know sometimes it sounds like a stupid question. Sometimes I say "Yes!" Most of the time I say no. Sometimes I have to stop, be still and really listen to my body. There have been times that I had that head hunger so bad I said Yes I am hungry and then stopped, put everything out of my mind and asked myself again. I wasn't physcially hungry. I don't know why I never got this before when I would diet or even not diet but just eat. There are times I think something looks great and I find myself thinking "I wish I was hungry so I could eat it!" How weird is that? You might really be hungry...but give it a chance. My doctor told me to do this on my phone consult and I think it has saved my bacon (no pun intended) quite a few times.   4. I try to plan my meals. I can't plan them out week in advance. I really can't plan them out 24 hours in advance because I don't know what I'll be in the mood for. I plan my meal a meal in advance. Especially supper because I want to keep within my calories for the day. I put in into Sparkpeople when I decide what to eat. That way I have the chance to change my mind if I've made a bad decision.   5. I am pretty happy with how I've lost, but sometimes it is pure will power at this point. Just this week I was on the eliptial at the gym and I wanted to quit and go home. I was tired, stressed out and had a million things to do. I literally had some very strong words with myself. Don't get me wrong I said them in my head. Everyone alread thinks I'm fruitcake without arguing with myself in the middle of the gym. :rolleyes2: I really had to say, "You want to quit? Go ahead. No one is making you stay. No one is going to do this for you either. Do you want to hit wonderland in April or June or do you want to wait for 2010? Stop right now and go home if that is the most important thing for you right now. But if you really want to surprise your family and inspire them to get the LAP-BAND® then you are going to have to stop wining and keep going. It is only 15 more minutes. Can you really not spare 15 minutes today to get healthy?"   6. I have committed to hitting the gym 3 times a week for 30 minutes of cardio each time. Last week I worked out 5 times (once was a 1 1/2mile walk outside) and I have started to do weights and sometimes I'm at the gym for an hour and that's great, but if I don't do any more than 30 minutes of cardio 3 times a week then I don't allow myself to get down about it. I've been told that you don't have to follow all of the guidelines all of the time, just most of them most of the time. I posted those guidelines here: My Bandster Guidelines..... - LAP-BAND® Surgery and LAP-BAND® Discussion Forum   7. I weigh myself everyday on my Wii so I can see how what I do affects my weight. It also gives me a graph so I can go back and see where I was and where I am. I have an excel spread sheet too to tell me where I will be and when if I lose 1 lbs a week or 2 lbs per week. It seems so small but it helps me see the big picture. I found it on-line and downloaded it!
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

Too much food = chest pain!

Oh, I just ate too much for supper. I worked pizza into my nutrition for the day. I am still under 1100 calories. It has been so long since I ate too much that I forgot about the chest pain that goes along with that. Just a little tonight, but I wish I still didn't remember it..... I worked out 5 days this week so I did a half a workout to day (my 5th day). I am feeling pretty good. The scale said that I gained a little today. That doesn't really happen too often, but lost like 2.5 lbs the day before so I expected a small rebound. I do worry about gaining and what that would do to my psyche. So far so good. I eat when I am hungry. I am not doing low carb, but I am not doing high carb either. I really watch it pretty close. If I start looking for food I ask myself if my stomach is empty...if I am hungry. If not I don't eat. I get about 800 calories a day with maybe 2 days a week getting up to 1000-1100 calories. I know it doesn't sound like much...but I am being very careful. Protien first for every meal. I am addicted to cottage cheese. I know soft food, but I love it.   My favorite meals include: 1. my quick chicken salad (200 cal) and a side 2. 3 oz of turkey breast (I measure all my protein) 1/2c cottage cheese (4% - the good stuff) and 1/4 c peas Mixed all together. (350 calories) 3. 2 Hebrew National 97% fat free hot dogs cut up and 3 tblsp. of Great Value Brand hot dog chili sauce. ( 150 calories total) 4. Egg Beaters are a staple for my breakfast. Usually 3/4cup of southwestern. (90 calories) (I have changed my breakfast to a morning star sausage patty and 1/4 cup egg beaters. I had to put in some solid protein to make it last until lunch! edited 12/31/08)   There are some of my favorites. I usually get 70-120 gms of protein a day and 30-50 gms of carbs a day.   I can't wait for my next fill. 3 weeks from today! :rolleyes2:
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

My First Fill....Strange!

12/5/08 My first fill! Yeah! What a ton of weird feelings. I never had anyone walk me through what it was like to have a fill, so I am going to put it down here. Well first I should say that Dr. Kirshenbaum is the one that did my fill and every doctor is probably different. So I went in and they weighed me. I don’t mind getting on the scale as long as the numbers are going down. I went into the exam room and there was a sonogram machine on one side of the table. So I laid down on the exam table and the doctor came in and felt for my port. No problem. That was easy. He cleaned my tummy with alcohol and then betadine. He asked if I was ready and after I said yes her poked me with the syringe. It didn’t hurt at all. He worked on getting all the air out of the syringe/needle. I had a little stinging sensation a couple of times, but I think that was either the saline hitting the inside of the port or from the needle being in where I’m not used to having a needle. J He had 2 syringes. One had 1.7 of saline in it and the other had like 2.5 of saline. He put the 1.7 in my band and then had me stand up. So now I have a needle sticking out of my tummy. Yeah it was as weird as it seemed! I drank some water without any problem. So now he puts more saline in and says drink some more water. OMG! I it just stayed in my pouch. Just sat there! It felt so strange. I wanted to cough it up or something. He took out about .5cc and then no problem. Now we did the dance. He put in .4cc and I took a drink and there was a definite hesitation in my pouch and then a tiny burp down there and it drained. He took out .2cc and I could drink and a tiny hesitation and then it drained. He took out .1cc and no hesitation now. I can drink and it was just fine. 2.8cc for my first fill. I know the number is arbitrary, but still nice to know. I took food with me so I didn’t have to worry about what I was going to eat. It has been a habit that has been working pretty well. Even if DH and kids eat at McDonalds I have something to eat. So anyway I had some cottage cheese and chicken salad. No problem. I went to TGI Fridays and had a grilled chicken breast. Small mindful bites and no problem. I can’t believe that .10cc more and I would be too tight. That is only a couple of drops of saline. Amazing. I guess the band is much touchier than I thought. I think some doctors have set amounts for fill. (.5 for each one or something.) I’m glad Dr. K isn’t like that. Fill till restriction then pull back just enough. Sounds good to me. Oh then he pulled out the syringe. WEIRD!!!!! No pain though. I will go back January 9th for my second fill. I even got to meet someone from lapbandtalk.com! That was cool too. The girls in the office today recommended this thrift store for cheap in-between jeans. So I look for jeans and I finally see this one pair of petite jeans. There were a size 18P Sonoma brand for $4 so I thought I would get them and they can be a goal. I started in a size 22 and they are baggy, but my only jeans so I wore them today. So I just got home from Denver (7 hr drive) and I hold them up and say to myself that there is NO WAY, but I'll try and see how far I get...they will be my first pair of "goal jeans". Guess what...yep! THEY FIT!!!! Not comfy enough to lounge around the house, but I can wear them out if I want to. WOW! What a day. My first fill and this!
julie.ann

julie.ann

8
 

Thanksgiving Week Review...and a NSV!

11-30-08   I went shopping yesterday. My jeans are getting big. I went to Lane Bryant and I tried on a 5P. They were loose....very comfortable if this was the weight I was staying at. I tried on a 4P and they fit!   Then I thought I was trying on a size 22 coat. (I usually would look for a 24 or 26.) I thought it was okay.....just a little tiny bit small, but something I could definitely wear and I could grow into it through the winter. I looked at the tag again and realized that I couldn't afford it...then I realized it was actually a size 18-20! I couldn't believe it! :biggrin3:   Then I went to JC Penny's and the 2x was too small...:biggrin:...Oh well I think I'll focus on my NSV at Lane Bryant. I used to love that store and now I can't wait until I can't shop there anymore!!!   I only lost a pound for the last week. I shouldn’t complain about only losing 1 pound because I couldn’t go to the gym since last Tuesday and I had Thanksgiving and a trip with “the girls” to the dinner theatre last night. I also can eat anything I want. What I am doing now I am doing almost on my own. I can tell if eat really big bites really fast, but I can eat SO MUCH! I know I shouldn’t. I am eating healthy food and sticking to my calories and such. I am still getting too much protein. I don’t understand why when I called the office and said that I was getting hungry about 3 hours after meals they asked if I was drinking protein shakes. They recommend to drink shakes between meals. I really don’t understand that. I’ll have to ask about in 4 days when I go in for my first fill. I am hoping for restriction just like everyone does, but I know the odds are against that I will get much with the first fill. I’ll let you know how it goes. :thumbup:
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

I'm almost too tired to celebrate.....

11/13/08     I’m really tired today. I only got about 2 ½ hours of sleep last night. I am ready for bed but I thought I would stop by and put some things down. I am so tired I couldn’t even jump up and down. I am down. The scale….or at least the Wii Fit tells me I have lost almost 30lbs. That has been since my pre-op diet. I have to admit I am kind of let down that no one at work has noticed my 30 pound weight loss. I keep telling myself that one day I will be able to say I lost 70 lbs. That’s almost half of my goal. My family lives half way across the country. I haven’t said anything to them. Not even that I have lost any weight. I figure when it really becomes noticeable ( probably after 40 or 50 lbs) it will be hard to keep it from them unless I ask my other family to keep it a secret from them for a surprise. I thought if I could keep it from them until I am in onederland I would celebrate and reward myself with a surprise weekend trip to see them. So I am now trying to concentrate on eating like a bandster. I have to eat my protein first and then my filler of veggies and such. I say I don’t have restriction but I know when I eat too much and I can get full on 3 oz of protein and 1 – 1½ cup of a side dish. My problem has become being bored with what I am eating. I have been eating Jennie-O turkey breast. I just found some Hormel Beef Roast au jus. It is really good and has about 3 servings per package. It is really easy to heat in the microwave. I am going to have to really work on adding variety to my diet so I don’t get bored and stray. My first fill is less than two weeks away. I can’t wait. It would be nice to have this be a least a little easier. Well I better get to sleep. Good night. I wish well to all of my fellow bandsters.
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

Stress....Primary Care Doctor and a Best Friend.

11/24/08   Almost 1 month post-op and my wonderful, fabulous, miraculous resistance is all gone. I was supposed to have a fill tomorrow but it will be a week from Friday instead. I kind of kick myself for changing it, but it will be better traveling on Thanksgiving not to be getting used to my first adjustment. I thought I was cheating…okay I got all ticked off at the kids tonight and I dealt with it the way I used to deal with stress. I went out and bought a deep dish supreme single pizza from Red Baron. (Okay before it would not have been a mini pizza) I shouldn’t have been able to suck that thing down the way I did. Well I had no problem at all. On a positive note I put it in my Journal on www.sparkpeople.com and I didn’t blow it today like I thought I did. I ate so well before that I can forgive myself. I’m still less than 1000 calories for the day and I went to the gym tonight. I really wish we had a free journal on lapbandtalk.com It would be great to see what other bandsters are eating and their nutrients. I think I am the first patient that my primary care physician has had that has been banded. He said that other patients have been starting to ask about it. He asked me to keep him posted so I did when I had surgery and I figure after each fill. We work together….kind of... so I just drop him an email. It might be interesting to see what he asks as we go along. I pasted my bandster guidelines (from my blog) in my last email. The only thing he really asked about was not drinking while eating. I got a kick out of that just because that has been one of the hardest ones to get used to. Oh…I almost forgot! Someone at work finally noticed I had lost weight. Yesterday I looked at a close up picture from August and from last night. I saw a difference. That is really what I wanted to know….that there is a difference. Another big thing for me is that I finally told my best friend (besides DH) that I was banded. I’m glad I did. It is nice to have someone to share things with. I have every intention of telling my family once I’m in onederland and I fly down to surprise them but I don’t plan to tell anyone around here. Well I better sign off. I didn’t realize this was going to get so long. I want to finish by saying THANK YOU to all of you…my support group. What would I do without you?
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

Did I really postpone my first fill?!?!?!?

11-21-08 Oh what was I thinking? I was afraid that I would drive all the way out to Denver and then not get a fill because I'm doing pretty well. I called and postponed until Dec 16th and then I rethought, but by the time I called back my appt was gone so now I wait another 2 weeks. Maybe it was the right thing. I am losing at a good pace, but I get hungry every 3 hours and I am afraid of eating too much at one time and stretching my pouch. I eat about 1 1/2cups or maybe a little more. I stop when I feel hungry and it takes me about an hour to eat. I do eat while working at my desk, but that helps to distract me so I eat slower...not faster. I have one friend that has noticed that I have lost weight. No one at work has noticed. I think maybe 10 more lbs and people will notice. I stated at 285 and I'm down to 253. I know the bigger you are the harder it is to tell. My goal is to hit 239 by January 1st. That might be a big goal... I am hopeful. I made it to the gym 3 times this week! YEAH!!!!!! That is an accomplishment. Maybe I’ll go tomorrow too. I won’t feel guilty if I don’t, but I will feel even better if I do.
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

Eating isn't fun, but I think that is okay...

11-14-08   I have come to the point where eating is not fun. I made this great epiphany during my pre-op diet. Remember how this goes…. Eating is for survival. It is to get enough nutrition to live. That is its main focus. It is not a reward. It does not console us. It doesn't take away boredom It doesn't listen to our problems. It is a fair weather friend....actually not even a friend at all. It is that bi*chy girl in jr. high that we thought liked us, but only pretends to until she can stab us in the back. I eat my protein and start on the rest and I find that to finish the 2-3oz of meat really loses the luster. Part of it may be that I’m not changing things up. (First a bite of one thing and then another.) Don’t get me wrong the protein I’m eating is very tasty. I’m getting used to not drinking with meals, but I think that is part of it too. I never realized just how much fun and fulfillment (no pun intended) I got out of eating before. I need to find some activity to take its place. I know that behavior is learned. I used to enjoy eating and tolerate physical activity. I need to learn to tolerate eating and enjoy physical activity. I guess I already have the first part down.
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

Back on the Wagon....

“In all fairness, some band patients do regain their weight. Many don't. The band is not magic. It's like any other weight loss program. It works as long as you do it. If you make a permanent lifestyle change and continue to eat healthy it can be permanent. If you drift back into grazing, eating junk or eating all soft foods the results won't last as long. It's not fool proof. Any fool can fool the band. Or you can choose to continue to work with it, heed the signals and do well. Like everything else about banding: your choice.” I’m not sure where I found this. It was from a bandster. I think this really sums up a lot about the band. I can succeed or fail with the band. This is still a war. I may lose a small battle, but as long as I still fight the war I’ll succeed with the band. I posted this as a response to another blog, but I think I’ll add it in here too….My blog is titled "My Secret Journey". I am the big mouth sharer everywhere I go. I'm sure people at work get tired of hearing all about my life. But this is personal. I think part of it is that I want the credit for the work and not for people to say "Oh she HAD to get that obesity surgery. She just lost the weight after that." I am not losing weight. I am getting rid of it. I think the term losing is a passive term and this journey is anything but passive!
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

One Week Post-op

11/5/08 ONE WEEK! I can’t believe it was only a week ago that I got banded! I have lost 9 lbs in that week for a total of 23 lbs. I haven’t lost anything the last 2 days…..uh I don’t think I can complain that I went two days without weight loss. Besides I’ve got some sodium back in my diet so I’m sure that will cause me to put on a few pounds of water. This first month is for healing. I need to remember that! I have been really watching my portions. I get hungry faster though. That is normal and expected since I don’t have restriction and swelling is going down. I think I’m okay with that. Someone asked me yesterday how much weight I have lost. That is awesome! I can’t believe at my weight that anyone can tell after 23 lbs, but I guess maybe in my face a little. I need to start walking. Not just with my job, but making an effort to walk. I can’t do vigorous exercise until after my first fill because I will be a month out then. My fill in is 3 weeks. I need to get off the “lose weight” mentality for 3 weeks. It is hard and I am afraid to lose that mentality for fear of not getting it back….. Well I think I ate too much this morning. I ate my egg beaters (southwestern) scrambled eggs. I make ½ cup. Then this morning at break (about 1 ½ hrs later) I thought I was hungry and ate a poached egg white and a piece of bacon. I think the bacon was pushing it. I am supposed to be on soft foods. Yeah, I know. Fried bacon probably wouldn’t make it on the list of soft foods. So I felt that bacon sitting in my pouch for a while. In fact a couple of hours later at lunch time I only at ½ c. cottage cheese because it was still sitting there. One of the departments had a little “tea party” at work to celebrate something. You know how that goes. Cookies, punch, nuts and all the trimmings. I did really good. ( I think.) I had a piece of cheese and two ritz crackers and 2 pieces of cantaloupe. I keep thinking people are going to look at me and say, “Hey you had that lap band surgery didn’t you?!?!” Well one of the girls at work had a RNY and I think she looks at me and knows all the signs of how and what I am eating. I know it will be okay and if people find out it won’t be a horrible thing. I just want it to happen on my time.
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

Six Days Post-op 11/4/08

11/4/08 6:15 am: Well I was just re-reading my journal entry from yesterday. I think that maybe I have figured out a tiny part of why I don’t want to share this. If I felt like this was something that I WANTED it would different than something I NEEDED. It sounds like a small difference, but it isn’t really. I am planning to cook me up some egg beaters – southwestern this morning and I am avoiding. I better go. 7:00 am: Well that went well. At least so far. I had ½ cup of eggs. I took about 25 minutes to eat it. I really like eating with the relish fork and baby spoon. It helps me be mindful of what size of bites I take. No burping. Oh and I sneezed this morning a couple of times and it didn’t hurt. I am getting occasional hiccups. They are uncomfortable. It’s time to get ready for work. I feel better with real food in my system. I will work on my protein shake mid morning and maybe have some cottage cheese for lunch. It sounds good to me. I might shake things up and add some peas to it. Chew, chew, chew! 8:30 pm: WOW! I got in 680 calories today! 95 grams of Protein without the liquid protein even!!! I know I am using a lot of exclamation points, but that is exactly how I feel! I ate cottage cheese and peas. It tasted so good! I don’t want to get tired of it so I will have to watch it. On soft foods I am allowed well cooked casseroles. I think I will try one tomorrow. I am working on eating slow and not drinking anything right before, during or right after my meals. That is a really hard rule. I’ll keep plugging along. Oh yeah, the op sites are off of my incisions too. They look really good.
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

Five Days Post-op 11/3/08

11/3/08   I am hungry, but the thought of eating anything about makes me want to puke. I finally broke down and bought some liquid protien. 42g in 3 ounces. I had to. I couldn't get enough in. I can't even drink enough. I'm trying. I got over 60 gms of protein in with that. I bought six to last me about the next week. I am supposed to be able to start transitioning to soft food the day after tomorrow but I have decided to try some egg beaters tomorrow. A day early, but I want to try. :thumbup: I just can’t get enough calories or protein down. I caught my family physician up on the fact that I had surgery. He kind of figured it out since his wife was one of the two I mentioned I had surgery to. I was planning to let him know when I had a chance at work anyway. He and my husband are the only two around that knows what kind of surgery I had. He was surprised I had it so fast. I only mentioned it to him in September. Self pay moves a lot faster. Besides when I make up my mind I am not one to fiddle-fart around. (Wow did I really just use that phrase? :redface:) This is my first day without Lortab. I about started crying tonight; the left shoulder pain was so bad, but I laid down on my back on the floor for about 10 minutes and it really toned down the pain. I don’t know why that helps and I don’t really care. By the way…I still don’t regret my decision not to tell anyone. You see I can always change my mind and let people in on my decision, but once the cat is out of the bag……… Keeping this a secret is for me. It is personal. I'm not saying it is for everyone. I think I have to come to terms with the fact that I couldn’t handle this monster called obesity by myself. I need to be okay with the fact that I needed surgery. Not wanted surgery, but NEEDED it. I needed it for me. I needed it for my personal life. I needed it for my self-confidence. I needed it for many different reasons. When I decide to let others in on it then I will. Maybe never….maybe soon. I think that will depend on my journey.
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

Four Days post op 11/2/08

11/2/08   I know that I am going to start going downhill when it comes to writing in my journal so I better keep it up while I have a few minutes. I went to church today. Still no one knows about surgery. I’m glad. Today some friends are moving back into their house after several months. Usually I would be the first in line to help. My family is still going to go. I can’t lift anything and I don’t know what kind of believable reason I would give about not being able to help. I thought about saying that I had my appendix out while I was out of town. I feel bad about lying though. Maybe I’ll skip. I have lost some weight, but once I can eat I’m worried that I will gain it all back. I have to start working on getting 60 gm of protein. I don’t know how to do it without kickin back protein shakes, but 3 a day is what I should do and that will get my protein in. Well I guess I know what I need to do. I will work on that! Tomorrow is my first day back to work. I am nervous. What if I am hurting, what if I get grilled as to why I am just on liquids. I am keeping that appy excuse in by back pocket. …..……Well I went to our friend’s house to help. I just told 2 people that I had laproscopic surgery but I didn’t want a big deal made about it. I just didn’t want them to think that was being lazy. Guess what. I over did it! I got home at 6:00 pm and went straight to bed. I should have known better. I guess it serves me right. More later.
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

Three days post-op

11/01/08 1030: Today is better so far. I had some runny oatmeal. Maybe a ¼ cup at the most. I am still trying to drink protein drinks because protein helps with healing. I am going to work hard to get my water in today. I weighed myself and finally have all the water weight off from the hospital. I was wondering how long it would take to lose that. I am down 3 lbs since surgery 3 days ago. I haven’t been able to get many calories in. I am trying. I had to take my scopolamine patch off so I am hoping that I won’t have any nausea. I have my zofran if I need it. I am not going to worry so much about what I eat except to try to keep protein going in. My shoulder is only giving me a few pains. I hope I have gotten over the worst. It seems it gets worse when I eat or drink. 1400: Okay….so now I have a new question. When will I go? I guess this is a problem that many bandsters have. I took liquid colace on the 30th. I took mom the same day. I used Miralax on the 31st and another dose of mom today. I am passing gass. That is good, but I would be much happier if I would just go. I DO NOT want to end up with problems because of this. 1630: I almost passed out in Walmart. Luckily I leaned against a wall and was able to breath through it. I don’t know if it is dehydrations or too little calories. Probably the calories. I haven’t been able to get above 300 cal yet. Maybe today. 1930: Ok now I feel better about the plumbing and I will take some lortab before bed.
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

Happy Halloween!

10/31/08 0930: Happy Halloween. So far the pain has improved. I continue to take the liquid lortab. Shoulder pain comes and goes. The kids have been great and I have sipped some protein shake. 1330: I’m starting to get that “what did I do” feeling. No, not really a regret but kind of. I cooked frozen pizza for the family today. I’m not craving it. It isn’t like I am slobbering to get my hands on it. I am torn between telling myself that “I can’t have it again and don’t even think about it” and telling myself that “I can have it again in a small portion. I just have to be patient. “ I think once the gas pain is completely gone and I also start to see weight loss it will help. I hope.
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
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