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About this blog

This is my journal towards weight loss. This is where I can come and put everything out there. I have kept my decision to myself. The only person besides my doctor that know is my husband. (I finally told my best friend too!) My kids know I had surge

Entries in this blog

 

My (tiny) Unfill...............

I just got my unfill on Friday. It is so nice to be able to take a glass of water and drink it right down!   I went to TGI Fridays and had my customary sizzlin chicken and cheese for lunch after my adjustment. I was able to each 1/4 of my serving and was full and satisfied and not get stuck. I think Friday was the first time of no PBing for a really long time. I am looking forward to making it a week without PBing and them even more. One day at a time. So far it has been 3 days.   Dr. K wanted to start by taking out 0.5cc. I told him I was thinking 0.1cc. I love the fact that he listens to me. We started at 0.1 removed and ended up after "tuning the band" with a total of 0.25cc removed. Not much if you look at it, but I could really tell a differce. I drove 14 hours round trip today to have 0.25cc removed. Wow!   I already know that I won't make my Halloween goal, but I am ready to get on my path. Soft Calorie Syndrome really was tough for me the last month. It might take me another 6 months to lose the last little bit I have to lose, but in less than a year I have lost 115 lbs so I know better than to complain!
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

NSV...SV...Victories all over the place.

Okay...where do I start. I know if has been a while since I have posted and I am ready to share some great stuff that has been going on directly related to my band.   First a BIG NSV (non-scale victory) I went shopping today for a new pair of jeans. I have been wearing a size 18 (I know I can't believe I've been in a size 18!!!) A couple of people have commented that they are getting baggy. Not falling off or anything, but baggy in the but, so I decided to find some that fit me ok. I tried on a size 16 only to find they were too big too!!! OMG!!! So I went out to get a smaller size thinking that they would be too small and THEY FIT!!!! (I am shouting for joy now) I FIT INTO AND BOUGHT A SIZE 14 JEANS!!!!!!! I haven't fit into that size since somewhere around my sophmore year in high school!!! I still can't believe it!!! I know all jeans are different and I tried on several brands and styles and I could button all of them. I just didn't like most of them and some were too tight, but that's okay. I've also been thinking about getting a body shaper. I am really noticing how much I will be needing a tummy tuck and breast lift. My body is beginning to look like a deflated ballon. Anyway while I was in Walmart I tried on a size 2xl cami body shaper and it was too big so I got an XL. I can't believe the difference! It only cost $16 and it is amazing and comforatble so I will be wearing that most days to work now. I also got lucky and found some amazing deals on clothes that fit me. $5 for a skirt and the same for pants. I kept grabbing the size 18 and kept going back tot he rack to get a size 16. (These can not be even a little snug...they are for work)   Okay...next victory. I went out of town last week. I was gone from Tuesday to Friday and I STILL LOST WEIGHT!!! I had to eat out for every meal and was "wined and dined" for two of those (for work not pleasure) and I still lost weight and worked out! VICTORY!!!! YAY! This is the trip every year that usually gets me off track. I have another one next month, but I am more confident that I can make it!. I did find myself starting to feel sad that I couldn't eat more of the stuff I liked, but then I was so grateful because I realized that the band was dong just what I wanted it to do. It was giving me a reason to not over eat. I could have kept gong but I would have felt horrible and I don't want to stretch my pouch. I love my band. I had to say no to fresh hot pretzels and pastries all week, but that is ok. I could have eaten it, but chose not to. The band has helped me make those tough desicions. I know I could have eaten around the band and drank a TON of expensive alcholic drinks and incredible soft deserts, but I have learned a new lifestyle and since I have worked so hard for 5 months I was ready to hit the road and still make good desicions. I have lost 80 lbs and I am 5 lbs from ONEderland. I can't wait to get there. Have I mentioned I love my band? His name is Band Jovi:drum:
julie.ann

julie.ann

9
 

Lead us not into tempation....

I went to the beach last week for a conference and things went pretty well. I was able to work out 4 days last week and I did pretty well eating with only a few cheats. I did drink too much alcohol and I know those are empty calories but I had a good time and I even lost a little weight.   Ok so here is the thing that happened that is kind of weird. I could be wrong....It has been a while.....but I think that one of the docs was flirting with me. Yeah, I know! WEIRD!   He was a McCutey! I DID tell him I was married and talked about what a great guy DH is. Expecially after he asked me if I was staying over an extra night. I asked if he had family (I promise I was wondering if he had kids, you know small talk). He must have taken it wrong because he told me he was divorced. I asked "No kids?" He said yes and I asked him if he didn't consider them family. He said he thought maybe that wasn't the question.   I know I have been married a long time (almost 16 years) but how many different reasons can a guy find to touch you. Geesh! My arm, shoulder, leg, back and that was sitting at a table with 8 other people having a nice....not too personal conversation. I have to admit (but not to my hubby) that it was very flattering,(probablly because he was so damn cute and well put together....give me a break I'm married not blind) but it was also a little strange to be back into that group of the population that has to worry about some random guy flirting with her.   My general goal for quite some time has been simply to blend in and not be noticed as the "big lady walking my way" or "sitting next to me." I have wanted to feel invisible, or that I look like the average person walking down the street. I have just begun to feel that way. I don't have to use a "professional persona" as my shield at business trips, but I guess now I have to see what happens when my real personality is out there in front of everyone. That is kind of scarey. I don't even know if I can let anyone really get to know me the "real" me.   I am starting to wonder who that is....
julie.ann

julie.ann

10
 

Another fill.....then TOO TIGHT!

Well I had my fill and getting a fill is a little bit different. It is like childbirth. You know the basics and may have been through it before, but it is always a little different. I got a fill. My last fill was in April and was 0.7cc. So was the fill before. Yesterday I got 1.7cc. Then I somehow forgot to try a little cottage cheese and chicken salad in my vehicle before going out for something to eat. Usually I shop for about an hour before I eat, but I had a late appt and wanted to get on the road. I live 7 hours from my doctor. So onto TGI Fridays for my customary Sizzlin Chicken and Cheese. I took to very tiny bites of chicken and two bites of onions and pepers, checked out and PB'ed all the way back to the Dr.'s office. I got 0.4cc out and felt much better. I had to be careful on the way home and the protein shake this morning for breakfast went down pretty slowly. I thought I was surely too tight. Usually I am never tighter in the morning, but maybe I am now. I had 1/2c chicken salad for lunch and part of a chicken breast for supper. It has gone down really well. I guess in the next week will see what happens. It usually takes 10 days for my fill to take full effect, but I guess it is different every time!
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

I am not longer OBESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M OVERWEIGHT! I want top shout it from the rooftops! I am overweight! NOT MORBIDLY OBESE, NOT OBESE. I am OVERWEIGHT! According to my Wii Fit my BMI is less than 30! YAY! Finally! 110.5# GONE! My next big goal is to weigh less than what my driver's license says! I've got 15 lbs. for that milestone!
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

I think every fill is different...

1-10-09 Well my second fill is behind me. Dr. K saw my weight loss and asked me if I even needed a fill. (I lost 15# in 5 weeks.) I asked the same thing two days earlier when I called the office. What made Natalie decide that I needed to keep my appointment was the fact that I was starting to get hungry a little faster between meals. I also can eat more than I should. I would stop at about 1 ½ cups but I know I could eat more. I think every fill might be different. It wasn’t as clear for me this time how much was the right amount. Last time there was a level that water didn’t move, then one that did a little more, a lower level with a tiny hesitation then a level when with water ran right through. This time I questioned myself more. Maybe it was because I didn’t hit the level when nothing would move through. I have been so worried about getting too tight. I went out to eat my now customary Sizzling Chicken and Cheese at TGI Fridays like I have for every Denver trip. I was so worried that it wouldn’t go down easily. Thankfully it went down great! I was happy to find that it took much less to fill me up. Last time I ate at TGI Fridays I put half of the meal in a TO GO box and ate a half order. This time I, of course, started out by putting half of the meal in a box, but I had to put half of what was left on my plate in the box too! I only ate ¼ of my meal and I was full! Wow! That was great! This morning I had to stop my breakfast after not being able to finish half of it. I am going to have to learn what my band wants and how much. That’s ok! I don’t mind. I hope that I won’t need to go back to Denver. I hope that I have found my “sweet spot.” I have been working hard at the gym too. At least three 30 minutes workout each week is my minimum. I have been there 3-5 days a week and I try to work out at least an hour each time. I do 30min of cardio every day I make it to the gym and then I’ll work my abs or upper body or legs. I don’t work my legs enough. I know that. I need to work on that because I don’t want to be pear shaped, but I think if I keep working out my upper and not my lower body that is what will happen. I’ve also noticed that I am having a harder time getting an intense workout when it comes to weight training. I did add a new ab exercise. I have to keep my motivation up. Weighing in everyday on the Wii helps me with that. Yesterday was the first day I missed since I was out of town for my last fill. Well I have a goal for Valentine’s Day and only have to lose 11.1 more pounds to get there. I would love to blow that goal out of the water!
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

The Great Band Battle....(-107# and pics)

Has it really been over a month since I have blogged? The newbies won't even know me! Well let me introduce myself. My name is Julie. I was banded 8 months ago in October and have lost 107 lbs. Yay me! Now let's talk turkey.....   The band and I just had our first big battle. Now don't get me wrong. The band is in charge, as always, but for the first time I started to get a little pissy at it...always thinking he knows just what I can and can't eat.   My son left today for overseas on a 10 day trip, I have hit a plateau the last few weeks and I was feeling like I needed a little old fashioned comfort food. For me that is pizza.   What a coincidence....:blushing: I just happen to have some homemade (from scratch) pizza in fridge left over from last night. The first time I cooked pizza from scratch in 8 months! Last night I just picked off teh toppings and such. Well none of that sissy crap for me today. I wanted P-I-Z-Z-A dipped in sauce!   So the band said no. .....then I said "DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A BET? I'LL EAT SLOW AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!!!!" :crying:   Then the band said in a small yet confident voice..."Go ahead honey. Just give it a try. You will regret it. I wish you would listen to me....but if not we'll see what happens."   So the band won...then I tried another battle and he won that one too. :thumbup: It wasn't pretty. So I sat down with some ice cream and HE couldn't stop me from eating that so I feel like crap now. Blah.....   So I am going to lay off of the weight training and get back to more cardio and add some Zumba classes. I have been at the gym 5-6 days a week all summer and I need to be careful I don't burn out.   I'm going to surprise my family at the end of this month. They still don't know I have lost all this weight and I want to tell them I had surgery.   I have been just a couple of pounds away from no longer being obese, but that might have to wait while I realign my routine.   Stay cool this 4th of July!   High /Surgery/Current/Goal 285.5/ 271 / 177.5 142.5 Banded - 10/29/08 Four fills - 4.7cc/10cc   Read My Blog: My Secret Journey   Touch Below To View My Pics (More on my profile) [ATTACH]151[/ATTACH]
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

Thanksgiving Week Review...and a NSV!

11-30-08   I went shopping yesterday. My jeans are getting big. I went to Lane Bryant and I tried on a 5P. They were loose....very comfortable if this was the weight I was staying at. I tried on a 4P and they fit!   Then I thought I was trying on a size 22 coat. (I usually would look for a 24 or 26.) I thought it was okay.....just a little tiny bit small, but something I could definitely wear and I could grow into it through the winter. I looked at the tag again and realized that I couldn't afford it...then I realized it was actually a size 18-20! I couldn't believe it! :biggrin3:   Then I went to JC Penny's and the 2x was too small...:biggrin:...Oh well I think I'll focus on my NSV at Lane Bryant. I used to love that store and now I can't wait until I can't shop there anymore!!!   I only lost a pound for the last week. I shouldn’t complain about only losing 1 pound because I couldn’t go to the gym since last Tuesday and I had Thanksgiving and a trip with “the girls” to the dinner theatre last night. I also can eat anything I want. What I am doing now I am doing almost on my own. I can tell if eat really big bites really fast, but I can eat SO MUCH! I know I shouldn’t. I am eating healthy food and sticking to my calories and such. I am still getting too much protein. I don’t understand why when I called the office and said that I was getting hungry about 3 hours after meals they asked if I was drinking protein shakes. They recommend to drink shakes between meals. I really don’t understand that. I’ll have to ask about in 4 days when I go in for my first fill. I am hoping for restriction just like everyone does, but I know the odds are against that I will get much with the first fill. I’ll let you know how it goes. :thumbup:
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

Is it time to stick a fork in me? Am I done?

Well this is the question I have been wrestling with lately. Am I done? My goal weight is about 35 lbs from here but I have lost about 108 lbs. I started a size 24-26 and I am now a size 12. (I'm sure a size 10 if I could get a tummy tuck.) I have started to plateau. It has been tough the last month and especially the last few weeks. I haven't been as strict as I used to be. Part of me feels like I should be happy with my weight. I am happy. I feel more confident. Of course I would feel even better if I lost at least another 15 lbs. I know that.   Is is so bad that I feel happy....dare I say the word....satisfied with my weight? I am 177. I am 5'4" with a BMI of 30. I want to weigh in the 160's for the first time in 20 years, but then why am I doing more of a maintenance diet than weight loss diet? That is the only thing that I can think of. I am happy enough with where I am. I am having a hard time admitting it. Maybe it is because I am SUCH as goal oriented person and I haven't reached my goal. Maybe I need a break until after my vacation at the end of the month and just work on maintaining. Maybe I need to quit making excuses, quit cheating every other day and get back to the grind. I don't know. After 8 months...9 if you count my pre-op diet maybe I am just burned out on folowing the rules. It is hard to keep motivated when the scales aren't moving. It is hard to get the scales to move when you cheat. I wish I could find my will power I had in the begining. Maybe I need to put old pictures of me up, but I know I don't look like that now. Maybe I need more pictures of my now so I can see how much I still need to lose. Any sage advice for a not so newby?
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

Off the wagon...

11/7/08 I fell off the wagon…..Ok it was more a jump….or leap. Yeah, Leap would probably cover it. I know that I shouldn’t have, but I did. I have been having a hard time getting in even 900 calories. Of course the monster I fight (obesity) tells me….well I have been so low on calories it won’t hurt. One time. One meal. I’ll write it down and figure it in. I don’t have a fill yet. It will be okay. After almost a month with no bread, pasta, potatoes or rice I ate pizza. I feel like crap. My chest hurts because I ate too much. I wish I could rewind. I am so happy that I can start over right now. I can’t think about what this has done to the scale. I won’t think about it. Yeah…..maybe that was a little too Scarlet O’hara. Sorry I am feeling a bit dramatic. I almost want to puke, but I don’t want to take the chance of hurting my band. HA! That is almost funny. If I didn’t want to hurt my band I wouldn’t have eaten pizza. I ‘ll tell you what really got me started. I stepped on the scale yesterday and I had lost a total of 26 lbs. I was on cloud nine. It was the first time I had been in that area for about 2 years. Today the scale gave me back 3 lbs. I was tired, sore and frustrated. It isn’t a good excuse to do that. I won’t step on the scale until Monday. I need to stay off of the scale except once a week. I have that compulsion to weigh everyday. Now that I have the Wii Fit (I just got it yesterday!!!) I even have another excuse to weigh. I’ve got to stop that.!
julie.ann

julie.ann

7
 

Three Month Bandiversary!!!

Have you seen a big girl do a happy dance? Okay......Honestly I am saving that for onderland celebration, but guess what I hit today!   WOW 60 pounds gone!!!! YAY!!!:cheatfree:   Oh yeah...today is my 3 month bandiversary!:cheatfree:  
julie.ann

julie.ann

7
 

The Reveal....

Well some of you "old timers" might remember me from nine months ago when I was a brand new bandster. I decided to keep my decision to have lap band surgery a secret...FROM EVERYONE! I have lost 108 lbs. Along my journey so far I have told a few people. It took months for me to tell my best friend. At 5 month post-op I told another friend and then a few co-workers. I have not told my family. Not only did I not tell them that I had surgery, but I did not tell them that I lost weight. I thought that I would surprise them....and I certainly did! I live in Kansas and my family lives in Florida. I just got back last night (Fade to black....cue flashback.....)   All by myself I got off the plane and primped in the bathroom. My baby brother picked me up. He is 25 years old. Ten years younger than I am. I couldn't believe how nervous I was!!!! He was on his way and I stood outside the airport waiting for him. There was this couple that looked very kind and I asked if they would mind taking a picture of my brother because I have lost alot of weight and he won't recognize me. He doesn't even suspect it. So he called and said he was pulling up. I asked if he saw the lady in the black and white shirt with the red purse. He did and I told him to pull up in front of her and I would come out. He got out and started to come into the airport to help me with my bags. He turned to that lady with the red purse looked her straight in the face and gave a polite smile and nodded and kept on walking. That lady just smiled stared and turned to watch him walk away. He saw her turn towards him out of the corner of his eye and knew he was being watched and so he turned back. The lady with the red purse started laughing and his jaw dropped and slowly his mouth turned into a big O. That lady was me, his sister that he hadn't seen in a year!!!   I just laughed and he said "I haven't seen you look like that since you were in high school!" That would have put him in 2nd grade!   So my baby sister was surprised and said very calmly, "Oh my goodness!" and gave me a hug. I was sitting on her bed holding her new, 3 week old daughter when my parents came in. I hadn't thought about how to do this. So they walked into the bedroom and dad smiled at me like I was some friend of my sisters that he didn't know and my mom walked in and I started to laugh and that gave it away. Mom kept saying "Oh my gosh! Wow! You look great!" She said it about 5 times. Dad recognized me too when I started to laugh and he gave me a big smile.   We were sitting in my sister's bedroom and dad just kept staring at me. I pretended like I didn't notice, but he was staring and it was great. My other two sisters just said "Wow! You look great." Again they were very calm.   It was AWESOME and then I could post new pics of myself on facebook because I had even been avoiding that to keep from spoiling the surprise. I just can't tell you how exciting it was!   I gained 3.5 pounds on my vacation. Guess what? It was a vacation. Nothing to beat myself up about. I couldn't wait to get back to the gym now and I am ready to start losing again!   I have really opened up when I was on vacation. I even at a pretzel! My sisters couldn't apprieciate that like all of you can. A week ago I never could have gotten a pretzel down. I still have GREAT hunger control with the band and so I am going to hold out and see how I do with this and get a fill if I don't do well the next few weeks, but I am not really worried. I know I have my band and my band loves me.   I am HOPING that my family, especially my dad will want to get banded. My older and one younger sister could loose 75-125 lbs (Dad too), but I don't know if it is something they will consider. I would be so happy for them if they did!.   I can't attach my new picture I had taken because it is too big, but I will try to upload it to my album.
julie.ann

julie.ann

8
 

My Bandster Guidelines.....

11/14/08 I thought I would put down the guidelines I have gotten from other bandsters that have been successful. I have to remember these. I have been told over and over you don’t have to follow all of the guidelines all of the time, but most of them most of the time. So far so good.   Here are the guidelines: Guidelines: • No liquid calories [except 2 servings of non fat milk (2 x 8 oz = 16 oz/day)] (16 grams of protein) • No soft foods • Two 3-4 ounce servings of protein/day (2 X 21-28 = 42-56 grams of protein) I have been getting about 80-120 a day. • Always eat the protein first, then the vegetables • Avoid bread, pasta, rice, potatoes and other starchy foods • 20-25 grams of fiber a day (Examples: bran cereal, fruits, vegetables, beans) • Eat only three small meals a day with maybe one small planned snack • Eat slowly and chew thoroughly • Stop eating as soon as you feel full • Do not drink while you are eating (This is the hardest for me.) • Do not eat between meals except for a planned snack • Eat only good quality foods • Avoid tough stringy foods • Drink plenty of liquids during the day (48-64 ounces) between meals • Drink only low calorie liquids • Exercise at least 30 minutes per day (I have to still work on how to fit this into my full time mom/wife, full time work, full time student day.)   Your surgeon may have different guidelines
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

Maintenance? I guess I need to work on that.

Well I have been having ups and downs. I am almost 9 months out. I have stopped weighing myself all the time and decided to try to maintain my weight loss. It has been hard and I haven't been doing a very good job. I have decided to try to shock myself back in a low carb high protein mode this week. Just because I need to get the cravings out of my system. I am still hitting the gym. Because of a couple of things that came up unexpectedly and out of town meetings I actually had only 2 days working out this week. That is the least I have worked out since about November. I guess I'll have to watch that. I did go shopping and was able to fit my big fat butt into a size 10 skirt!!!! :thumbup: I couldn't believe it! I don't ever remember wearing a size 10! I also bought my first little black dress. It is a size 14 (the girls are always bigger) I have just recently gotten out of plus size shirts) It is Calvin Klein and it looks AWESOME! Now I just need a place to wear it! So I am still having some NSV, but I have to admit that I am feeling very fat again. Part of it is what I am eating. If I was eating right all the time I wouldn't feel like look so fat. I'll have to work on that. I know that I have gotten used to seeing myself like this so that is part of why I am starting to not see a skinny me in the mirror anymore. That will change when I start loosing again. I am still looking forward to visiting my family and surprising them with my 100+ weight loss. I leave a week from Thursday. I have been tanning and worrying about what to wear and what they will say. I will look forward to coming home and getting back on the weight loss wagon. I am starting to think that weight loss will be much MUCH easier than maintenance....I guess I'll have to work on that. Much love to all! Julie Ann Preop/Surg/Now/Goal 285 / 271/ 177 / 142.5 Surgery - October 29, 2008 Dr. Kirshenbaum in Aurora, CO - Self Pay $9950
julie.ann

julie.ann

5
 

Okay....so let's review.

Well okay. I need to review how I am doing since I started back to blogging. I haven't done so well keeping track of what I ate. Actually I only did it one day because of the sweets I have eaten which is exactly why I need to do it. I'm going to work on that! I did go to the gym three times with week and I went to the doctor yesterday to get an inhaler so I can get back to cardio. I walked/ran to the gym. 1 1/2 miles to get there.....worked out..... 1 1/2 miles home. I am very happy. I got my cardio in and I wasn't completely bored. It will also help me to improve because I will work on running more than walking. Eat only when I am hungry???? Pretty good except for the sweets. We had a bunch of stuff at work this week. Subway cookies were given away all week. That will get better as I record what I eat on SparkPeople.com. The weekend will be hard. My last two night shifts until at least the end of the summer. (Hopefully) Eating healthy is all about making good choices while I pack my meals to go to work. So let's review. Okay...better than before, not as good as the first 9 months post-op. Room for improvement and a desire to improve. I
julie.ann

julie.ann

0
 

Bandiversary Ideas.............

October will be here before I know it! I am thinking about Bandiversary ideas. I told hubby I want a TT and Breast Lift for my 40th birthday. I just turned 35, but I figure I will get a free consultation for my 39th so it is only 4 years away. By that time I should just have my surgery paid off! YAY! My size 12 pants are getting looser. I can't wait to fit into a size 10. One of my goals is to be a size 9 in '09. When I made that a goal I honestly never thought a size 12 was possible. Every smaller size is "gravey" (sorry for the food analagy, I guess I need a better way to say that!) I do like the idea of pictures. I just got a head shot done, but maybe an official full body picture is in order. I would LOVE to be at goal by then, but that will really be pushing it even if I keep a good pace. I am blessed at my current weight. I keep thinking about where I was one year ago. How it felt to sit in my chair to watch TV and sit in a chair and not be able to cross my legs. I remember a year ago sitting in the bleachers and feeling like a toad on a log just sitting there with my shoulders hunched over trying not to make eye contact because I didn't want anyone to feel like they had to talk to me. Tonight I went to my sons' football scrimmage and everyone kept commenting how good I looked, and damn it...they are right! :laugh:
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

Are you happy where you are?

I have noticed that since I have returned from my week at the beach that I have become more complacent about my routine. Happier about how I look and comfortable in the sizes I am fitting into. This is what I am going to refer to as the begining of my demise.....   I have to be more careful. I was at the gym last night and I had a very stern talk with myself. I am less than a week away from hitting my 6 month bandiversary and I am thinking I will be at the -95# mark by that day. Isn't that incredible? Yes...the problem is that I am starting to think so too. I have found that DiGourno Pizza has a thin and crispy crust pizza that is about the healthiest out there and unfortunately I have had it 3 times this week. Yes I eat my serving or maybe 1.5 servings and stop, but that isn't the problem. The carbs in that are usually what I allow myself for the entire day and I had 3 cookies today to. For all of those people that say that it is okay to splurge everyone once in a while....yes it is. Three times in one week, well not so much. I have to get back to thinking about my goals.   I started at 285# and I now weigh under 192#. Do I want to be here for the next 6 months? I am undermining myself and my goals for the future. I have a birthday in June and I want to be under 180 for my birthday.   Everyone has been very nice at work and I am getting those comments about people not recognizing me. I was called to help recover a patient yesterday and the OR nurse had to ask another nurse who I was because she didn't recognize me. I always say, "Thank you, that is very nice of you to say that." What I want to say is that I am picking very flattering clothes and that is part of the difference. But I just say thank you.   You know now that I am blogging about this I think I may have just come to a realization. (That is why I blog!) You may have heard me talk about McCutey (aka McFlirty McCreepyhands.) that was at my conference last week. I wonder if this is part of the reason that I haven't been on my best behavior. There might be a small part of me that is afraid of messing things up with DH. We have had our problems (9 years ago I almost called it quits), but the last 5 years has been the best because we are happy and he really is the best. He works hard and still is the best dad, does the laundry and other house work, is supportive in whatever goals I work towards and he is a sexy man. When I knew I might not hit my connecting flight back home last week I almost went back tot the hotel I was staying as for another night. I didn't because I felt like it might lead me into trouble. I figured getting stuck in an airport all night would be the much better plan. I need to realize that the more weight I lose the more attention I might get. I need to realize that some of that attention might be from attractive men. I need to realize that a man can flirt with me and that is all the farther it goes. I have to realize that sabatoging myself will not make me safer or happier. I need to realize that I need to get up off my big...ok medium sized butt and get back into the routine that has made me happy these last 6 months because if I weigh the same or more in a month or 6 months I will be very disappointed in myself. I have learned the secret to being healthy. If I walk away from it now it is like holding a winning lottery ticket and not cashing it in and then bitching about not having enough money to pay my bills.   I will do this. I will get back on the horse. I will work with my band one day at a time. Not a month or a week at a time, but ONE DAY AT A TIME! I don't want this to be the begining of my demise. I will make it the first step to my next 6 month journey......
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

Putting things in perspective....

Today I faced the blizzard and made it to the gym. The owner and I were the only two people there and he commented that I had lost a lost of weight since my ID picture had been taken when I joined the gym. I told him yes, just a little over 80 lbs so far. A little bit later he said he wanted to show me something before I left. I finally got done with my cardio and went to see what he wanted to show me. We walked over to the free weights and he picked up a dumbell and placed it on the floor. He said can you pick that up. I bent my knees and worked hard to get it off the ground. I was able to pick it up, but barely and put it down quickly. He said that is 80 lbs. That is what you have lost so far. I just blew me away. I know my body is changing, but that really put it in perspective.   I am just 3 lbs from ONEderland. That was my April 1st goal. I'm thinking I might just miss it. The reason I bring it up is because when I start to concentrate on the pounds to lose I start craving things. It makes me think about what I can't eat....what I have to deprive myself of to lose a few pounds. As soon as I stop thinking about numbers and start thinking "lifestyle" those feelings of deprivation goes away. I was thinking that I want pizza. I want the taste. I should be able to eat it. I deserve it.   Then I start thinking like a bandster with a differnt lifestyle.....   I don't need it. I'm not even hungry so why am I thinking about food? I can eat it if I want to, but it isn't healthy and I will feel bad afterwards. It isn't that I can't have it. I can eat anything I want, but I chose not to eat it and feel bad. It is my choice.   The craving basically went away. It is amazing the difference it make in HOW we think about food. That really puts my cravings in perspective. I do have a goal to make and I will try hard and next Saturday if I still want pizza then I will get a slice of thin crust. If I don't want it then I won't eat it.   I will be at my 5 month bandiversary in just 2 days. I can't believe how different my life was just 6 months ago. I love my band! I wish I would have done this years ago. My 35th birthday is in June and I hope to have lost 100lbs by then. That will be the best birthday I've had in a LONG time!!!
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

Shouldn't losing weight be......harder than this?

2-1-09 Now I hope that I don’t have people throwing things at me after I say this. I don’t know if I’m more afraid of having heavy objects thrown at me or food thrown at me. I could dodge the heavy items, but I might not try so hard if it is ice cream or pizza people are throwing at me. I‘ve been thinking the last few days that this should be harder than it is. Oh don’t get me wrong, in the beginning and post-op it was hard enough! But now it appears that I have hit my sweet spot. About 1 -1/2 cups of food and I am good. I don’t get hungry until my next meal. I follow all of the bandster guidelines that I posted here. I was even able to refuse free pizza last night (the best pizza in town even!) and I stopped to get the guys Sonic when we were in town but I ate the healthy food I had packed with me. Yesterday morning I worked out and as I was running all over doing stuff with the kids I couldn’t believe that my work out was done for the day. What I needed to do to lose weight was done for the day already and I was showered and dong family stuff at 9:45am on Saturday. How easy was that! I guess because I have gotten to the point that the food choices are a lifestyle I don’t really think that much about the diet factor anymore. I have to work on getting to the gym. Maybe that is why it seems so much easier. I have half as much to worry about. I’m not saying that I never eat anything that isn’t healthy. Last week I had a cookie after lunch and I also had a tiny square 3 musketeers, you know the bite size kind. I worked it into my calories for those days. Today might be tougher because I am going to a super bowl party today. I know they will have chili there so I will be able to eat that or else I would take some healthy choices myself. I might eat before we go over there so that I’m not hungry looking at all of the food. (I will probably do that!) Anyway I guess I know that it could become more challenging when I need another fill for if (knock on wood) something would happen and I would need a band revision. That scares me the most because this surgery won’t be paid off for another 5 years. Anyway I will take the feeling that this should be harder but is pretty easy at the moment because I knwow the closer I get to goal the harder it will be to lose. I talked to my family practice doc a couple of days ago. I told him that I was going to wait until I was halfway to goal to let him know but since I was working in his office I just couldn’t keep it to myself since I had lost 60 lbs already. He was shocked and asked what I meant by not being halfway to goal. How much did I expect to lose. What was my goal? That really surprised me. I told him my goal was a healthy BMI. I don’t think he ever expected me to be able to lose that much. Yes, I am his first lap band patient. (I’m pretty sure.) My sister and I had a conversation a few years back about people in my family not being able to be “skinny” and weigh anything close to 140 because we are ….”big boned” (yeah don’t stop me if you’ve heard this because we have all heard this or thought this at one time or another) “We just aren’t built to be skinny.” I disagreed with her and now I am going to prove her wrong! I will be surprising them with my weight loss in July. I can’t wait. I should be down 100 lbs by then!:smile:
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

After my 5th fill I am missing food.

Well I am much tighter than ever before. I miss food. I have always been able to eat about anything except bread, pasta, rice or potatoes and usually that was a choice, not a hard and fast rule. Well now the band is definately the one in charge. I have been concerned I am getting too tight. Really the problem is the AMOUNT of food I am eating. I only can eat about 1/2c. of food before I am DONE! Really done. Like another bite or so and I am PB'ing for a while. If I eat a cookie (I know I shouldn't and I don't all the time) I can only eat one and I am FULL! If I try to eat another I am PB'ing so it isn't WHAT I am eating. It is definately how much. I have been snacking more and not waiting to see how long I go before I am hungry. I am looking forward to Monday. I do better about being more conscious about eating at work. I am about a week out from my last fill. My fill usually hits it's peak at 10 days. So the next few days should tell me alot and tell me if I go back to Denver for an unfill. If I stay like this I think I will be fine. I am losing again! That is AWESOME! I forgot how great that was since I plateaued 2 months ago. I have to admit though, after being so wide open for so long and then getting a big fill, for the first time since being banded.....I am starting to miss food.
julie.ann

julie.ann

5
 

Having a hard time....

I have really been having a hard time. June 27th was my lowest weight. I might have hit it one other time. I weigh about 3 lbs more than that. I maintained my weight for a few weeks, actually about a month before my vacation. I gain 3 lbs on vacation and lost it since I got back.   I know this is all great. I guess it is. That is what I would tell most people. My probelm is that I have lost that edge that I gained with this decision. I am still working out 3-6 days a week. Good work outs and I am really happy with how I am doing at the gym. My problem is what I am eating. I do pretty well and then I do something to really screw it up. Ice cream, cookies, popcorn. ugh! I used to not have any problem passing it up. Now I can't see to say no. I wonder if I just need to purge my system of the carbs or be less happy with my weight.   I lost my restriction on my vacation. I ate a pretzel and homeade pizza dough. Now you all know that I shouldn't be able to eat that. So I realize that my restriction is gone. I do still have appetite supression which is SO important. I have been able to eat too much. I haven't been pushing my limits, but I don't get full very fast. Before vacation I have had to really watch what I eat and take very small bites so I was afraid that I was too tight, but now I am starting to doubt that was the fact. I think I just need to be more careful about what I eat and the bites I take.   I think I am going to call my doctor tomorrow for an appt. My doctor is 7 hours away. It sucks to go that far and I haven't been there since April. I guess that is what I need to do.   Any advice? All comments welcome!
julie.ann

julie.ann

5
 

What is wrong?!?!? Stretched Pouch?!?!

As you can see by my stats below in the last 5 months I have really done pretty well. I am NOT complaining about my progress at all. My concern is that although I usually don't eat any more than 1 1/2 cups of food I am worried about having a stretched pouch. I have in the past month or so eaten pizza twice and I am shocked by how much I can eat. I know I shouldn't eat it and I usually do VERY WELL by today I ate about half of a red barron thin crust pizza. That shouldn't happen. I can feel that I ate too much, but not like I felt in the begining. No pain. Just a full feeling. I don't get hungry too often. Every 4-5 hours. I eat 3 meals a day and rarely have a snack. My biggest problem has been constipation, but being able to eat this much without much fight from my band worries me. I thought I just needed a fill to help me get full faster, but after eating so much I am wondering if that isn't the problem.   I have heard that a liquid diet for a week or so can shrink a slightly stretched pouch. I'm thinking about trying this for the next 4 days or so. I know you may think I should run to my doctor. I have a fill in 3 weeks and I thought I really needed it. Keep in mind I live 7 hours away from my doctor.   Please give me your feedback. __________________ High/Surgery/Current/Goal 285.5/ 271 / 207.0/ 142 Banded - 10/29/08 Three fills - 4.1cc in 10cc band   April 1st Challenge
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

The fill has kicked in!

Okay....so much for it taking 10 days for the fill to kick in! I had a fill two days ago and I can tell!!! I even have to really watch my bites I haven't had to do that in months. I have to admit that I am a little worried about how tight I will get in the next 10 - 14 days. I guess we will see. Maybe this will get me just where I need to be. For the first time I didn't schedule my next appointment. We will play it by ear. I am hoping that it will be 2-3months or more before I need to go back. My six month banniversary is coming up. I will post pics soon. I can't believe that my next goal is the -100lb mark. So far I am down 86!!!
julie.ann

julie.ann

5
 

10/28/08

1545: I met Dr. Kirshenbaum for the face to face for the first time at my appt the day before surgery. We had done a phone pre-op and I also had a phone consult with a nutritionist. I went to do doctors and the medial assistant took down my height and weight and took my vitals. Dr. K came in and we talked about the surgery. He didn't ask much about my pre-op diet. He just wanted to know if lost weight and how much. (14#!) We signed the consents, went over my allergies, he wrote the admission orders. We had time to ask him questions. He is very nice. We filled my scripts for liquid lortab, zofran and a dulcolax supposity. Insurance paid $10 (the only thing they will be covering) and all together it cost me $30 for my scripts. Not bad.   1800: We met friends to go out for supper and catch up. I did so much better than I did the last time I went out the last time. We ate at Red Lobster. Of course they had great fish so that was maybe a little easier. I completely turned down the rolls that our friends were gushing over telling us how great they are. I had great broccoli and my fish. I let DH decided on my side dish since I was going to get it for him. He orded the brown rice. I didn’t have a bite. I do need to get used to putting half of the serving away as soon as I get my plate, but I knew I wasn’t going to be able to eat it the next day anyway because of surgery. 2200: The evening before surgery I had to take a supposity to help my bowls move. I forgot my stool softener. Don't forget to start that after surgery if you have firm stools. The narcs they give you will slow down you GI too. You don't want to become constipated.
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

Better than Disney World!

FIFTY pounds gone forever! I can't believe it! Three short months ago I was getting ready to start my pre-op diet! It was 3 months ago that I was wondering if I would let myself down like I had every other time I tried to lose weight. It was 3 months ago I wondered if the band would work for me the way it worked for so many. Three months ago I was wondering what if I spend all this money…$265/mo for 5 years, to weigh the same as I did on my surgery day. I am over a third of the way to my goal. I can’t wait to see how I get there and when. It is like a trip to Disney World. It’s coming…I know its going to be great and so much fun once I get there. The anticipation is just about killing me!
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
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