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About this blog

This is my journal towards weight loss. This is where I can come and put everything out there. I have kept my decision to myself. The only person besides my doctor that know is my husband. (I finally told my best friend too!) My kids know I had surge

Entries in this blog

 

The Great Band Battle....(-107# and pics)

Has it really been over a month since I have blogged? The newbies won't even know me! Well let me introduce myself. My name is Julie. I was banded 8 months ago in October and have lost 107 lbs. Yay me! Now let's talk turkey.....   The band and I just had our first big battle. Now don't get me wrong. The band is in charge, as always, but for the first time I started to get a little pissy at it...always thinking he knows just what I can and can't eat.   My son left today for overseas on a 10 day trip, I have hit a plateau the last few weeks and I was feeling like I needed a little old fashioned comfort food. For me that is pizza.   What a coincidence....:blushing: I just happen to have some homemade (from scratch) pizza in fridge left over from last night. The first time I cooked pizza from scratch in 8 months! Last night I just picked off teh toppings and such. Well none of that sissy crap for me today. I wanted P-I-Z-Z-A dipped in sauce!   So the band said no. .....then I said "DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A BET? I'LL EAT SLOW AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!!!!" :crying:   Then the band said in a small yet confident voice..."Go ahead honey. Just give it a try. You will regret it. I wish you would listen to me....but if not we'll see what happens."   So the band won...then I tried another battle and he won that one too. :thumbup: It wasn't pretty. So I sat down with some ice cream and HE couldn't stop me from eating that so I feel like crap now. Blah.....   So I am going to lay off of the weight training and get back to more cardio and add some Zumba classes. I have been at the gym 5-6 days a week all summer and I need to be careful I don't burn out.   I'm going to surprise my family at the end of this month. They still don't know I have lost all this weight and I want to tell them I had surgery.   I have been just a couple of pounds away from no longer being obese, but that might have to wait while I realign my routine.   Stay cool this 4th of July!   High /Surgery/Current/Goal 285.5/ 271 / 177.5 142.5 Banded - 10/29/08 Four fills - 4.7cc/10cc   Read My Blog: My Secret Journey   Touch Below To View My Pics (More on my profile) [ATTACH]151[/ATTACH]
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

I don't have my glassess does the tag really say size 16?!?!?

2-10-09 Did I really just do that? Did I really just buy a size 16? Does it matter they are stretchy? Does it matter they are from Wal-mart? Does it matter that they are a little snug? Does it matter that I feel like I will be able to wear these forever? I can’t imagine ever growing out of (or shrinking out of) these. I started out a size 24. I dug out my old size 18 and that was the smallest jeans I’ve had. I wore a size 16 about 9 years ago for just a little bit. I haven’t worn anything smaller than that since high school. I want to do a happy dance, but I’m still saving that for onederland! I love my band! :w00t:
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

Post Plastic Surgery

I know I've been gone a while. I was banded in October 2008. I have lost over 100 lbs. I may not have hit my goal in fact I have been the same for about 2 years give or take 15 lbs at times. Not unhappy. In fact I ran my first 5K in September. I am ready to get back to running in the next 4 weeks.   I just wanted you to know that I am post PS by about 10 days. A few months ago I finally decided that I didn't know what it would take but I would get it done. Sort of the same way I finally moved forward with band surgery. I had a breast lift and Tummy Tuck. I almost cryied today looking in the mirror. I still have 4 drains. One in a breast and 3 in my tummy. I am having to pack my belly button to help it heal but I tried on a few pieces of clothes today. Why am I crying? Because I look normal. I am still a good size. I have a ton of swelling still and I have been about a size 12 but of course with all the extra skin and such I have been wearing undergarments to try and pull in the layers and rolls. I didn't do this to look sexy (not like a model or anything) I did it to feel better about myself, be able to look more professional in my top level meetings, and feel better about myself, but at 10 days post op I am looking in the mirror and all I can say is I look normal. I finally look normal. That sounds so mild but I am jumping up and down inside. (not on the outside I would pull something). Before PS I didn't even want my husband to see me without my clothes on and now I am so happy. I can't wait to get the drains out. I am back to work in a week. I wanted to share...I LOOK NORMAL with or without clothes on. I feel like I have come full circle. Couldn't be happier.
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

Thanksgiving Week Review...and a NSV!

11-30-08   I went shopping yesterday. My jeans are getting big. I went to Lane Bryant and I tried on a 5P. They were loose....very comfortable if this was the weight I was staying at. I tried on a 4P and they fit!   Then I thought I was trying on a size 22 coat. (I usually would look for a 24 or 26.) I thought it was okay.....just a little tiny bit small, but something I could definitely wear and I could grow into it through the winter. I looked at the tag again and realized that I couldn't afford it...then I realized it was actually a size 18-20! I couldn't believe it! :biggrin3:   Then I went to JC Penny's and the 2x was too small...:biggrin:...Oh well I think I'll focus on my NSV at Lane Bryant. I used to love that store and now I can't wait until I can't shop there anymore!!!   I only lost a pound for the last week. I shouldn’t complain about only losing 1 pound because I couldn’t go to the gym since last Tuesday and I had Thanksgiving and a trip with “the girls” to the dinner theatre last night. I also can eat anything I want. What I am doing now I am doing almost on my own. I can tell if eat really big bites really fast, but I can eat SO MUCH! I know I shouldn’t. I am eating healthy food and sticking to my calories and such. I am still getting too much protein. I don’t understand why when I called the office and said that I was getting hungry about 3 hours after meals they asked if I was drinking protein shakes. They recommend to drink shakes between meals. I really don’t understand that. I’ll have to ask about in 4 days when I go in for my first fill. I am hoping for restriction just like everyone does, but I know the odds are against that I will get much with the first fill. I’ll let you know how it goes. :thumbup:
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

Why are NEGATIVE comments easier for some people to make?

1/3/09 I can’t believe it has been so long since I’ve posted. Well my family did come. The entire first day no one said ANYTHING about my weight loss. After 45 pounds gone and not one word! DH tried telling me they were just too tired to. I couldn’t believe it. About noon the next day dad said something. Then they said oh, yea they noticed right away. I asked why if I gain 2 lbs on they apologize and asked if I gained weight. It goes something like “I’m sorry, I know you don’t want me to ask, but have you gain weight?” HELLO! :crying:When I asked why they make negative comments so quickly about my weight, but not positive comments my mom seemed kind of set back and honestly said I was right. :thumbup: This is how we grew up. Looking back I wasn’t BIG growing up. In high school I was heavy, but not big. My grandma would tell us we were so big and overweight and needed to eat less and exercise and my parents seem to agree by omission. They never stuck up for us. I’m not saying I am the perfect mom. I have to work at not making comments about my daughter’s weight. She is overweight, but not big. Kind of like me. I don’t want her to follow in my footsteps. I work at saying positive things and biting my tongue when a stupid comment wants to slip out. Sometimes they do. I’m not perfect, but I apologize for saying something so stupid. Anyway….I am finally off of the stupid plateau that stuck around for two weeks.:thumbdown: I know Christmas/New Years snacking didn’t help matters much. I am down 47# I hope to lose another 3 to make it an even 50 by the time I get a fill on Friday. I would like to have lost 100# by my birthday in June. Getting to onderland will be great too! If I lose 2 #/week I will be there by May. If I lose 3#/week I can be there in April. I hope the plateaus go away till then. I think part of my problem was that 45# seemed like such a big number for me to lose and I am feeling good about myself that I started to think I could ease up a little. I guess it isn’t a bad thing to slip off the wagon every now and then. I have to find my commitment and I think getting of the plateau will do it. I promised myself no matter what I ate or how little I worked out I wouldn’t skip a day on the scale. I know weighing in daily isn’t for everyone, but it helps to keep me accountable. At 8:00pm at night when I’m not hungry, but want to snack the thought of getting on my Wii Fit and weighing myself at 6:30 in the moring helps to keep me honest. I also see how my actions affect my goals. I like the Wii Fit because it graphs it all out and tells me my BMI. I don’t work out on it much because I have been hitting the gym every day that I can. Some weeks that is only 3 or 4 times and every once in a while I get there 5 times. I have started a Valentine’s Day challenge and have set 15# as my goal. Someone on one of my groups make the comment about size 9 in ’09. :scared2:That seems like a HUGE goal to set since I haven’t worn that since jr. high. (I guess…I really don’t remember wearing that small of a size.) I have always told my kids if you want to succeed then you have to aim high. If I hit my goal this year I will fit into that size 9! Good luck to everyone and I hope each of you reach your 2009 goals!
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

Into the 160's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!!!! I am out of the 170's! I weighed 168.9 lbs today! Awesome!   I too started to platuea after about 8 months. I needed another adjustment that I put off for 3 monthsl I also changed up my diet a little. My supper mostly is tilapia fish and a side of cottage cheese to help with the texture. With a high protein breakfast and noon meal the weight has started to move again. I had started to cheat with sweets and it had stalled my progress. Still hitting the gym. I still do much better if I track everthing I eat at www.spartkpeople.com. If I don't track it then I eat one or two things that really screw up my band. I love my band. I might be a little tight. If I was closer to my surgeon I would get a tiny unfil, but if I am mindful of what I eat and the bites I take then I do okay.   I'm in the 160's! I just about can't stand it!!!!:thumbup:     High /Surgery/Current/Goal 285.5/ 271 / 168.9/142.5 Banded - 10/29/08 Five fills - 5.9 cc/10cc   Halloween Goal: Weigh What my Driver's License Says I Do!
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

Just because I can eat it doesn't mean I should!!!

I partied last night. For the first time in almost 5 months I really over did it in every way. I drank (althought had as few of calories as possible doing it) and ate much more than I should have. My husband's family had a "benefit" dinner for my son. We are sending him to Austria in July with an Ambassador program. We have been fund raising and so his aunt invitedthe whole family over and cooked mexican food and had everyone over for a donation dinner. The first round of supper I did a good job. I ate the the right amount of portions and was no longer full. I just had a fill 2 days ago and things were going good. But then with every drink my inhibitions lowered. I remember when me and my girlfriends would say don't let me do anything stupid when I am drunk. Then we were talking about guys....now I will be talking about food! I drank and ate and I be after 4 months of keeping my calories under 1200 a day (usually 800-1000/daily) I betI ate 3000 calories. My fingers are swollen, My face feels greasy. I don't feel good at all. I have proven to myself that with the band I CAN eat anything (I kind of already knew that) but just because I can eat it doesn't mean I should. I didn't listen to my stomach that was satisfied I listened to my head that will always be happy to take in more food. Here is the great thing. Today is a new day. We are 5 hours away from home, but I have packed my meals in case there aren't good choices around and so I am not worried about getting back on the program that is my life. I may have put myself back a week. I may not reach ONEderland by Aprill 1st. That is my fault and I will still get there. No, the band isn't magic, It is a tool. I don't want to be so tight that I CAN"T eat anything. I just have to be good listen to my stomach and put that child that is my head hunger back in the box. Today is a new day!
julie.ann

julie.ann

5
 

After my 5th fill I am missing food.

Well I am much tighter than ever before. I miss food. I have always been able to eat about anything except bread, pasta, rice or potatoes and usually that was a choice, not a hard and fast rule. Well now the band is definately the one in charge. I have been concerned I am getting too tight. Really the problem is the AMOUNT of food I am eating. I only can eat about 1/2c. of food before I am DONE! Really done. Like another bite or so and I am PB'ing for a while. If I eat a cookie (I know I shouldn't and I don't all the time) I can only eat one and I am FULL! If I try to eat another I am PB'ing so it isn't WHAT I am eating. It is definately how much. I have been snacking more and not waiting to see how long I go before I am hungry. I am looking forward to Monday. I do better about being more conscious about eating at work. I am about a week out from my last fill. My fill usually hits it's peak at 10 days. So the next few days should tell me alot and tell me if I go back to Denver for an unfill. If I stay like this I think I will be fine. I am losing again! That is AWESOME! I forgot how great that was since I plateaued 2 months ago. I have to admit though, after being so wide open for so long and then getting a big fill, for the first time since being banded.....I am starting to miss food.
julie.ann

julie.ann

5
 

The fill has kicked in!

Okay....so much for it taking 10 days for the fill to kick in! I had a fill two days ago and I can tell!!! I even have to really watch my bites I haven't had to do that in months. I have to admit that I am a little worried about how tight I will get in the next 10 - 14 days. I guess we will see. Maybe this will get me just where I need to be. For the first time I didn't schedule my next appointment. We will play it by ear. I am hoping that it will be 2-3months or more before I need to go back. My six month banniversary is coming up. I will post pics soon. I can't believe that my next goal is the -100lb mark. So far I am down 86!!!
julie.ann

julie.ann

5
 

Having a hard time....

I have really been having a hard time. June 27th was my lowest weight. I might have hit it one other time. I weigh about 3 lbs more than that. I maintained my weight for a few weeks, actually about a month before my vacation. I gain 3 lbs on vacation and lost it since I got back.   I know this is all great. I guess it is. That is what I would tell most people. My probelm is that I have lost that edge that I gained with this decision. I am still working out 3-6 days a week. Good work outs and I am really happy with how I am doing at the gym. My problem is what I am eating. I do pretty well and then I do something to really screw it up. Ice cream, cookies, popcorn. ugh! I used to not have any problem passing it up. Now I can't see to say no. I wonder if I just need to purge my system of the carbs or be less happy with my weight.   I lost my restriction on my vacation. I ate a pretzel and homeade pizza dough. Now you all know that I shouldn't be able to eat that. So I realize that my restriction is gone. I do still have appetite supression which is SO important. I have been able to eat too much. I haven't been pushing my limits, but I don't get full very fast. Before vacation I have had to really watch what I eat and take very small bites so I was afraid that I was too tight, but now I am starting to doubt that was the fact. I think I just need to be more careful about what I eat and the bites I take.   I think I am going to call my doctor tomorrow for an appt. My doctor is 7 hours away. It sucks to go that far and I haven't been there since April. I guess that is what I need to do.   Any advice? All comments welcome!
julie.ann

julie.ann

5
 

Maintenance? I guess I need to work on that.

Well I have been having ups and downs. I am almost 9 months out. I have stopped weighing myself all the time and decided to try to maintain my weight loss. It has been hard and I haven't been doing a very good job. I have decided to try to shock myself back in a low carb high protein mode this week. Just because I need to get the cravings out of my system. I am still hitting the gym. Because of a couple of things that came up unexpectedly and out of town meetings I actually had only 2 days working out this week. That is the least I have worked out since about November. I guess I'll have to watch that. I did go shopping and was able to fit my big fat butt into a size 10 skirt!!!! :thumbup: I couldn't believe it! I don't ever remember wearing a size 10! I also bought my first little black dress. It is a size 14 (the girls are always bigger) I have just recently gotten out of plus size shirts) It is Calvin Klein and it looks AWESOME! Now I just need a place to wear it! So I am still having some NSV, but I have to admit that I am feeling very fat again. Part of it is what I am eating. If I was eating right all the time I wouldn't feel like look so fat. I'll have to work on that. I know that I have gotten used to seeing myself like this so that is part of why I am starting to not see a skinny me in the mirror anymore. That will change when I start loosing again. I am still looking forward to visiting my family and surprising them with my 100+ weight loss. I leave a week from Thursday. I have been tanning and worrying about what to wear and what they will say. I will look forward to coming home and getting back on the weight loss wagon. I am starting to think that weight loss will be much MUCH easier than maintenance....I guess I'll have to work on that. Much love to all! Julie Ann Preop/Surg/Now/Goal 285 / 271/ 177 / 142.5 Surgery - October 29, 2008 Dr. Kirshenbaum in Aurora, CO - Self Pay $9950
julie.ann

julie.ann

5
 

Someone mentioned anorexia?!?!?!?

Well I am in Denver for my next fill. I haven't had a fill since April and I have been having a little "last supper syndrom" since I am so open. I know it isn't a good thing, but that is what has been happening. I am just reporting here. I really am ready to get back on the wagon. I have still be working out and so I have been maintaining. I am still within 4 lbs of my lowest. Kind of bouncing around. the same few numbers.   I have a 7 hour drive home from my doctor's appt so I have the "Beck Diet Solution" audio cd pack to listen to. It is a good series/book about learning to "think like a thin person."   I spoke my mom last night for about 2 hours last night on my way do Denver. It was very enlightning. She was telling me a story about a lady she works with that has lost TOO MUCH weight. You know I just surprised my family with my weight loss. I knew what she was getting at. I was complaining about people callingme skinny. I know it sound crazy, but it is a MAJOR pet peeve of mine. That is because I am NOT SKINNY! I may be skinny compared to how I used to look. That just tell me that I used to be really big compared to what I look like now. If I truely was skinny it wouldn't bother me.   Anyway back to my mom's conversation....I keep saying that I want to lose another 35 lbs to give me a healthy BMI. She was bothered by this so I asked her how much she thought I weighed. I am a size 12, and I jsut saw her 2 weeks ago. How much does she think I weigh? I told her that I weigh what I did when I graduated from high school and we all know I was overweight at that time. She didn't believe that I weigh the same as when I graduated.   She guessed my weight at 155#! No wonder she was worried when I said I wanted to lose another 35 lbs. I told her (and I don't tell many that aren't on this site) that I weigh 180#. Hello!!!! 180! Yes I am happy that I have lost as much weight as I have lost, but it isn't like I weigh anything close to 155. I know when I graduated and weighed 180# I wore a size 16-18 jeans. I work out and really try to concentrate on my abs, but I told her I don't know how I weigh this much am as trim as I am. (I am only 5'4") but if more people think i weigh around 155 then no wonder they look at me like I am crazy. I don't get that. I think they are blind. I had someone ask me if I was going to become anorexic! OMG! People I weigh 180 pounds! Far from anorexic! It was only 20 lbs ago that I was over 200.   Anyway. Just putting things on paper to try to wrap my head around things. Is my brain screwed on wrong? I know I can't go just by the scale, but 180 is no where near where I want to be. Even 160 would make me "pee my pants" happy! I don't know if I'll ever get there. (This what my driver's license says!:thumbup:)   I can't wait to get my next fill today and see where this takes me.
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

I think every fill is different...

1-10-09 Well my second fill is behind me. Dr. K saw my weight loss and asked me if I even needed a fill. (I lost 15# in 5 weeks.) I asked the same thing two days earlier when I called the office. What made Natalie decide that I needed to keep my appointment was the fact that I was starting to get hungry a little faster between meals. I also can eat more than I should. I would stop at about 1 ½ cups but I know I could eat more. I think every fill might be different. It wasn’t as clear for me this time how much was the right amount. Last time there was a level that water didn’t move, then one that did a little more, a lower level with a tiny hesitation then a level when with water ran right through. This time I questioned myself more. Maybe it was because I didn’t hit the level when nothing would move through. I have been so worried about getting too tight. I went out to eat my now customary Sizzling Chicken and Cheese at TGI Fridays like I have for every Denver trip. I was so worried that it wouldn’t go down easily. Thankfully it went down great! I was happy to find that it took much less to fill me up. Last time I ate at TGI Fridays I put half of the meal in a TO GO box and ate a half order. This time I, of course, started out by putting half of the meal in a box, but I had to put half of what was left on my plate in the box too! I only ate ¼ of my meal and I was full! Wow! That was great! This morning I had to stop my breakfast after not being able to finish half of it. I am going to have to learn what my band wants and how much. That’s ok! I don’t mind. I hope that I won’t need to go back to Denver. I hope that I have found my “sweet spot.” I have been working hard at the gym too. At least three 30 minutes workout each week is my minimum. I have been there 3-5 days a week and I try to work out at least an hour each time. I do 30min of cardio every day I make it to the gym and then I’ll work my abs or upper body or legs. I don’t work my legs enough. I know that. I need to work on that because I don’t want to be pear shaped, but I think if I keep working out my upper and not my lower body that is what will happen. I’ve also noticed that I am having a harder time getting an intense workout when it comes to weight training. I did add a new ab exercise. I have to keep my motivation up. Weighing in everyday on the Wii helps me with that. Yesterday was the first day I missed since I was out of town for my last fill. Well I have a goal for Valentine’s Day and only have to lose 11.1 more pounds to get there. I would love to blow that goal out of the water!
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

Too much food = chest pain!

Oh, I just ate too much for supper. I worked pizza into my nutrition for the day. I am still under 1100 calories. It has been so long since I ate too much that I forgot about the chest pain that goes along with that. Just a little tonight, but I wish I still didn't remember it..... I worked out 5 days this week so I did a half a workout to day (my 5th day). I am feeling pretty good. The scale said that I gained a little today. That doesn't really happen too often, but lost like 2.5 lbs the day before so I expected a small rebound. I do worry about gaining and what that would do to my psyche. So far so good. I eat when I am hungry. I am not doing low carb, but I am not doing high carb either. I really watch it pretty close. If I start looking for food I ask myself if my stomach is empty...if I am hungry. If not I don't eat. I get about 800 calories a day with maybe 2 days a week getting up to 1000-1100 calories. I know it doesn't sound like much...but I am being very careful. Protien first for every meal. I am addicted to cottage cheese. I know soft food, but I love it.   My favorite meals include: 1. my quick chicken salad (200 cal) and a side 2. 3 oz of turkey breast (I measure all my protein) 1/2c cottage cheese (4% - the good stuff) and 1/4 c peas Mixed all together. (350 calories) 3. 2 Hebrew National 97% fat free hot dogs cut up and 3 tblsp. of Great Value Brand hot dog chili sauce. ( 150 calories total) 4. Egg Beaters are a staple for my breakfast. Usually 3/4cup of southwestern. (90 calories) (I have changed my breakfast to a morning star sausage patty and 1/4 cup egg beaters. I had to put in some solid protein to make it last until lunch! edited 12/31/08)   There are some of my favorites. I usually get 70-120 gms of protein a day and 30-50 gms of carbs a day.   I can't wait for my next fill. 3 weeks from today! :rolleyes2:
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

Putting things in perspective....

Today I faced the blizzard and made it to the gym. The owner and I were the only two people there and he commented that I had lost a lost of weight since my ID picture had been taken when I joined the gym. I told him yes, just a little over 80 lbs so far. A little bit later he said he wanted to show me something before I left. I finally got done with my cardio and went to see what he wanted to show me. We walked over to the free weights and he picked up a dumbell and placed it on the floor. He said can you pick that up. I bent my knees and worked hard to get it off the ground. I was able to pick it up, but barely and put it down quickly. He said that is 80 lbs. That is what you have lost so far. I just blew me away. I know my body is changing, but that really put it in perspective.   I am just 3 lbs from ONEderland. That was my April 1st goal. I'm thinking I might just miss it. The reason I bring it up is because when I start to concentrate on the pounds to lose I start craving things. It makes me think about what I can't eat....what I have to deprive myself of to lose a few pounds. As soon as I stop thinking about numbers and start thinking "lifestyle" those feelings of deprivation goes away. I was thinking that I want pizza. I want the taste. I should be able to eat it. I deserve it.   Then I start thinking like a bandster with a differnt lifestyle.....   I don't need it. I'm not even hungry so why am I thinking about food? I can eat it if I want to, but it isn't healthy and I will feel bad afterwards. It isn't that I can't have it. I can eat anything I want, but I chose not to eat it and feel bad. It is my choice.   The craving basically went away. It is amazing the difference it make in HOW we think about food. That really puts my cravings in perspective. I do have a goal to make and I will try hard and next Saturday if I still want pizza then I will get a slice of thin crust. If I don't want it then I won't eat it.   I will be at my 5 month bandiversary in just 2 days. I can't believe how different my life was just 6 months ago. I love my band! I wish I would have done this years ago. My 35th birthday is in June and I hope to have lost 100lbs by then. That will be the best birthday I've had in a LONG time!!!
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

Another fill.....then TOO TIGHT!

Well I had my fill and getting a fill is a little bit different. It is like childbirth. You know the basics and may have been through it before, but it is always a little different. I got a fill. My last fill was in April and was 0.7cc. So was the fill before. Yesterday I got 1.7cc. Then I somehow forgot to try a little cottage cheese and chicken salad in my vehicle before going out for something to eat. Usually I shop for about an hour before I eat, but I had a late appt and wanted to get on the road. I live 7 hours from my doctor. So onto TGI Fridays for my customary Sizzlin Chicken and Cheese. I took to very tiny bites of chicken and two bites of onions and pepers, checked out and PB'ed all the way back to the Dr.'s office. I got 0.4cc out and felt much better. I had to be careful on the way home and the protein shake this morning for breakfast went down pretty slowly. I thought I was surely too tight. Usually I am never tighter in the morning, but maybe I am now. I had 1/2c chicken salad for lunch and part of a chicken breast for supper. It has gone down really well. I guess in the next week will see what happens. It usually takes 10 days for my fill to take full effect, but I guess it is different every time!
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

What is wrong?!?!? Stretched Pouch?!?!

As you can see by my stats below in the last 5 months I have really done pretty well. I am NOT complaining about my progress at all. My concern is that although I usually don't eat any more than 1 1/2 cups of food I am worried about having a stretched pouch. I have in the past month or so eaten pizza twice and I am shocked by how much I can eat. I know I shouldn't eat it and I usually do VERY WELL by today I ate about half of a red barron thin crust pizza. That shouldn't happen. I can feel that I ate too much, but not like I felt in the begining. No pain. Just a full feeling. I don't get hungry too often. Every 4-5 hours. I eat 3 meals a day and rarely have a snack. My biggest problem has been constipation, but being able to eat this much without much fight from my band worries me. I thought I just needed a fill to help me get full faster, but after eating so much I am wondering if that isn't the problem.   I have heard that a liquid diet for a week or so can shrink a slightly stretched pouch. I'm thinking about trying this for the next 4 days or so. I know you may think I should run to my doctor. I have a fill in 3 weeks and I thought I really needed it. Keep in mind I live 7 hours away from my doctor.   Please give me your feedback. __________________ High/Surgery/Current/Goal 285.5/ 271 / 207.0/ 142 Banded - 10/29/08 Three fills - 4.1cc in 10cc band   April 1st Challenge
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

*Results not typical (???)

2-7-09     *Results not typical (???)   I have seen that little asterisk next to all of those people that have supposedly lost weight on all of those diet programs. If those results aren’t typical then why are they telling us that we can do what they did? If that isn’t the expected outcome for the majority of people then why are they shoving them in our face? I was banded in October. I am almost 4 months from the time I started my pre-op diet. Four months ago I weighed 285 lbs. Today I weigh about 222 lbs. Is that typical? I have seen others in my Smashing Pumpkins group (that is what we called ourselves that where banded in October) that have done just as well if not better than I have. Some have not lost as much as I have, but are doing GREAT! I think that most people can do great with the band. Then every once in a while I run into a thread where people say that they can’t lose weight. They have tried, but they are hungry and they haven’t lost much. Is that typical? I ask myself have I done something they haven’t. I have had to really listen to my body to find the difference between head hunger and true hunger. I think that is the hardest thing to do and the biggest hurdle to climb. Telling the difference between the hungers. Well that is getting off of topic. My question is what is typical? Everyone is different. Are my results typical? I think they are because this isn’t has hard as I thought it would be. It is tough and lately I have been eating more. I need to go back to watching my calories a little closer although I still keep track of everything. Pick a day in the past 4 months and I could tell you what I ate and how many calories I had along with carbs and protein. It is that cookie I decide to splurge on a couple of times a week. That is the little stuff I need to watch. I think I have had a cookie 5 times in the past 2 weeks. It tastes good. I don’t feel deprived, but is that taste and feeling worth the extra 22 carbs that are in that little cookie? No I guess not. I am down to a size 18. I’m glad I kept these from 5 years ago. These are the last pants I have left before I have to start buying smaller sizes. I have a suitcase full of clothes that don’t fit me anymore. I have lost 63 lbs. Is that enough? Am I happy with the weight I am now? NO! So next time I have to put that damn cookie down and ask myself ARE YOUR REALLY HUNGRY? IS IT WORTH LOSING 2 LBS THIS WEEK INSTEAD OF 3? IS THAT TASTE OF CHOCOLATE WORTH NOT FEELING AS GOOD ABOUT MYSELF LATER?   Are my results typical? For me I guess they are and if I want to keep it coming I better not use my great results as an excuse to slow down now!  
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

Are you happy where you are?

I have noticed that since I have returned from my week at the beach that I have become more complacent about my routine. Happier about how I look and comfortable in the sizes I am fitting into. This is what I am going to refer to as the begining of my demise.....   I have to be more careful. I was at the gym last night and I had a very stern talk with myself. I am less than a week away from hitting my 6 month bandiversary and I am thinking I will be at the -95# mark by that day. Isn't that incredible? Yes...the problem is that I am starting to think so too. I have found that DiGourno Pizza has a thin and crispy crust pizza that is about the healthiest out there and unfortunately I have had it 3 times this week. Yes I eat my serving or maybe 1.5 servings and stop, but that isn't the problem. The carbs in that are usually what I allow myself for the entire day and I had 3 cookies today to. For all of those people that say that it is okay to splurge everyone once in a while....yes it is. Three times in one week, well not so much. I have to get back to thinking about my goals.   I started at 285# and I now weigh under 192#. Do I want to be here for the next 6 months? I am undermining myself and my goals for the future. I have a birthday in June and I want to be under 180 for my birthday.   Everyone has been very nice at work and I am getting those comments about people not recognizing me. I was called to help recover a patient yesterday and the OR nurse had to ask another nurse who I was because she didn't recognize me. I always say, "Thank you, that is very nice of you to say that." What I want to say is that I am picking very flattering clothes and that is part of the difference. But I just say thank you.   You know now that I am blogging about this I think I may have just come to a realization. (That is why I blog!) You may have heard me talk about McCutey (aka McFlirty McCreepyhands.) that was at my conference last week. I wonder if this is part of the reason that I haven't been on my best behavior. There might be a small part of me that is afraid of messing things up with DH. We have had our problems (9 years ago I almost called it quits), but the last 5 years has been the best because we are happy and he really is the best. He works hard and still is the best dad, does the laundry and other house work, is supportive in whatever goals I work towards and he is a sexy man. When I knew I might not hit my connecting flight back home last week I almost went back tot the hotel I was staying as for another night. I didn't because I felt like it might lead me into trouble. I figured getting stuck in an airport all night would be the much better plan. I need to realize that the more weight I lose the more attention I might get. I need to realize that some of that attention might be from attractive men. I need to realize that a man can flirt with me and that is all the farther it goes. I have to realize that sabatoging myself will not make me safer or happier. I need to realize that I need to get up off my big...ok medium sized butt and get back into the routine that has made me happy these last 6 months because if I weigh the same or more in a month or 6 months I will be very disappointed in myself. I have learned the secret to being healthy. If I walk away from it now it is like holding a winning lottery ticket and not cashing it in and then bitching about not having enough money to pay my bills.   I will do this. I will get back on the horse. I will work with my band one day at a time. Not a month or a week at a time, but ONE DAY AT A TIME! I don't want this to be the begining of my demise. I will make it the first step to my next 6 month journey......
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

A letter to my Doctor and his office staff....

I have been thinking about my band and my life. With a 7 hour drive home after my (3rd) fill there is alot of time for thinking.   I know that this monster I fight called obesity is a tough one. I have started to look at how it has affected my life.   Although my weight did keep me from doing a few physically active things with my family I have found that it was the emotioinal and psychological damage that my obesity caused that hurt the most. I would use my weight as a reason not to go out with my family. I wasn't comfortable sitting on the bleachers watching a game and if my kids were playing I would go to watch them and leave as soon as I could. I thought that no one would want to socialize with me because I was so obese. Sometimes I put it off on others. I judged them as unfair because I just knew that they were judging me.   Since I have lost over 70 lbs in this short time I have come to realize that I was holding myself hostage. It wasn't my weight that was keeping me from socializing. It was how I felt about myself because of my weight. It was how uncomfortable I felt in my own skin and how uncomfortable I felt with how I looked.   Having the gastric band procedure has helped me change a lot of my habits. It has helped me change what I eat and how I look at food. I have learned that I feel better when I eat healthy food and that portion control is just as important as food choices. I learned that it took me about 3 months for this to become a lifestyle. I have learned that I may lose weight by following the rules, but I will lose it much more quickly and at a rate that I am happy with if I exercise at least 3 times a week. I have learned that I am not perfect and every day is a new day to make the right decisions. I have learned the difference between head hunger and real hunger.   I think the one thing that Dr. K told me that has helped me more than anything else is when he said, "Don't eat unless you are hungry." I am a smart person. I know that is the way it should be, but hearing him say it just made it click in my head. Now if I want to eat something I ask myself, "Am I hungry?" If the answer is no I go back to what I was doing. I started that the first day of my pre-op diet and I ask myself that question every day. Sometimes I even find myself thinking, "Boy I wish I was hungry so I could eat that!" This band is not a magic pill. I am working hard for what is happening, but I know without the band it would not be happening. This is the best weight loss tool I could ever imagine!   I love going to my fill appointments (and not becuase of the 14 hours I spend on the road in a day.) I love it becuase the staff is so wonderful. You (Natalie) and Mary make me feel welcome. You have since the first day I met you. Even before I met you when you answered my email on a Sunday night! That meant a lot to me, when I reached that point that I just had to do something and reach out to take that first big step to contact your office.   When I come in for a fill Dr. K looks and my weight loss and says "Great! Do you think you need a fill?" and then he really listens to the reasons that lead me to believe it is time for a fill. His extensive experience and his low price made this dream for me come true. I never thought, being self pay, I could afford this with a hubby and 3 kids. Dr. K made it possible!   So I have to say thank you. Thank you for giving me my life back! Thank you for helping me to take my life back.     Julie Ann Surgery Oct. 29, 2008 Start/Now/Goal 285/210/142.5
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

Better than Disney World!

FIFTY pounds gone forever! I can't believe it! Three short months ago I was getting ready to start my pre-op diet! It was 3 months ago that I was wondering if I would let myself down like I had every other time I tried to lose weight. It was 3 months ago I wondered if the band would work for me the way it worked for so many. Three months ago I was wondering what if I spend all this money…$265/mo for 5 years, to weigh the same as I did on my surgery day. I am over a third of the way to my goal. I can’t wait to see how I get there and when. It is like a trip to Disney World. It’s coming…I know its going to be great and so much fun once I get there. The anticipation is just about killing me!
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

Keep on paddling and stop drifting in the water....

This weekend was a tough one for me. I cheated both Saturday and Sunday. I haven't eaten less than stellar for 2 days in a row since I was banded almost 6 months ago. I was doing well and the weight was dropping, but just like every other time I concetrated on my weight or a certain goal I started to drift in the water.   It is like being out in the middle of ocean. If I look at how far I have to paddle my little boat to find dry land, I start to give up and think that drifting will eventually get me somewhere. It also happens when I paddle hard and when I have almost reached land I think that it won't hurt to take a little break for the day and before you know it I have drifted back a few miles (pounds). If I stop concentrating on all of that and just know that every day I have to paddle all of the sudden I look up and I am on the beach! Does any of that make sense to anyone but me?   I have a stupid NSV for you. I bought a belt. Okay...that isn't it. I actually wore the belt yesterday with jeans and my shirt tucked in. I am starting to tuck in my shirts! That is another NSV. It only took losing 90 lbs to get me to that one!   Well I have shared the fact that I had surgery with some of my friends. I did have one say during the conversation when I said that I am working hard she added that I couldn't have done it without the surgery. I know it is true, but there it was and I feel like it be-littles the hard work I am putting into my weight loss journey. She didn't mean it in a bad way and I'm sure doesn't think I gave the comment another thought. I know more people with think and say things like that as more people find out. There is part of me....a big part of me that wishes I would have just kept it to myself, but you can't unring a bell.   I am still proud of what I have done and will continue to do it. I just have to remember to paddle........ everyday........ without fail........ I will be on the beach before I know it!
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

The other side of the ticker....

I am close to ONEderland. I have lost over 80 lbs and that is great, but I am starting to look at the other side of the ticker. I finally have less than 60 bls to loose to make it to goal. 50-something is a great thought when you start with 140 on that side! I also see this as an amazing accomplishment to get to the point in my journey that I start to look at the goal and not getting 25% to goal or 50% to goal. I'm sure I will celebrate ONEderland (hopefully next week) and I think I will treat myself to a manicure when I get to the century mark. The small goals I set for myself are great but this is a milestone I didn't anticipate and it is a great surprise! I know I am still months and months away from goal, but I am starting to feel like it is something I can accomplish and this is the first time that I really started to feel that way. It was just arbitrary goal. A couple of days a go a friend said "Another 60 lbs? Really?" I said well that is a healthy BMI. What should my goal be? He couldn't really argue with that. If I get down to 165 that will be awesome and losing anything more than that will be gravy. I hope I can get to 142.5 That will be half of what I used to weigh and that is my goal. I always say "Aim high if you want to accomplish great things!"       Banded 10-29-08 Dr. Kirshenbaum Denver, CO Self Pay - $9950
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

I'm almost too tired to celebrate.....

11/13/08     I’m really tired today. I only got about 2 ½ hours of sleep last night. I am ready for bed but I thought I would stop by and put some things down. I am so tired I couldn’t even jump up and down. I am down. The scale….or at least the Wii Fit tells me I have lost almost 30lbs. That has been since my pre-op diet. I have to admit I am kind of let down that no one at work has noticed my 30 pound weight loss. I keep telling myself that one day I will be able to say I lost 70 lbs. That’s almost half of my goal. My family lives half way across the country. I haven’t said anything to them. Not even that I have lost any weight. I figure when it really becomes noticeable ( probably after 40 or 50 lbs) it will be hard to keep it from them unless I ask my other family to keep it a secret from them for a surprise. I thought if I could keep it from them until I am in onederland I would celebrate and reward myself with a surprise weekend trip to see them. So I am now trying to concentrate on eating like a bandster. I have to eat my protein first and then my filler of veggies and such. I say I don’t have restriction but I know when I eat too much and I can get full on 3 oz of protein and 1 – 1½ cup of a side dish. My problem has become being bored with what I am eating. I have been eating Jennie-O turkey breast. I just found some Hormel Beef Roast au jus. It is really good and has about 3 servings per package. It is really easy to heat in the microwave. I am going to have to really work on adding variety to my diet so I don’t get bored and stray. My first fill is less than two weeks away. I can’t wait. It would be nice to have this be a least a little easier. Well I better get to sleep. Good night. I wish well to all of my fellow bandsters.
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

My Bandster Guidelines.....

11/14/08 I thought I would put down the guidelines I have gotten from other bandsters that have been successful. I have to remember these. I have been told over and over you don’t have to follow all of the guidelines all of the time, but most of them most of the time. So far so good.   Here are the guidelines: Guidelines: • No liquid calories [except 2 servings of non fat milk (2 x 8 oz = 16 oz/day)] (16 grams of protein) • No soft foods • Two 3-4 ounce servings of protein/day (2 X 21-28 = 42-56 grams of protein) I have been getting about 80-120 a day. • Always eat the protein first, then the vegetables • Avoid bread, pasta, rice, potatoes and other starchy foods • 20-25 grams of fiber a day (Examples: bran cereal, fruits, vegetables, beans) • Eat only three small meals a day with maybe one small planned snack • Eat slowly and chew thoroughly • Stop eating as soon as you feel full • Do not drink while you are eating (This is the hardest for me.) • Do not eat between meals except for a planned snack • Eat only good quality foods • Avoid tough stringy foods • Drink plenty of liquids during the day (48-64 ounces) between meals • Drink only low calorie liquids • Exercise at least 30 minutes per day (I have to still work on how to fit this into my full time mom/wife, full time work, full time student day.)   Your surgeon may have different guidelines
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
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