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About this blog

This is my journal towards weight loss. This is where I can come and put everything out there. I have kept my decision to myself. The only person besides my doctor that know is my husband. (I finally told my best friend too!) My kids know I had surge

Entries in this blog

 

OMG! Getting stuck is not for sissys!!! And not for me!!!

1-28-09 I got stuck. I don’t mean my weight. I’m talking about my chicken breast I made for supper. If you have never had anything S-T-U-C-K then I can’t even begin to tell you how horrible and miserable it is!!!!! I have done some small time sliming in the past, but tonight was the first time I did any PBing (productive belching). I couldn’t have imagined what that was like! When I have slimed in the past I would have some belching trying to move that piece of whatever (usually meat) down to my stomach. This time I might have a tiny belch and all this slime would come up and I couldn’t control it. I can’t believe how much would come up around the chicken I had stuck. BLAH!!!!! It took about 80 minutes to get past it. I couldn’t believe all of the sudden it passed and I was okay. My throat is still sore. I’m going to take it easy. Needless to say I didn’t eat supper tonight. I followed that ordeal with a protein shake and a couple of pieces of cheese latter on. I wanted to keep things liquid or soft. I also didn’t make it to the gym tonight because of this. I was going to go after I finished supper. I guess tonight supper finished me. This morning I was starting my metabolism up about with a Morningstar sausage. I a bite that was a tiny bit too big and it slowed me down. I started thinking maybe my fill from 2 1/2 weeks ago started working and tightening me up. I've always been tighter in the evening....I guess so! I hope I never do something stupid enough to make me feel like that again!!!! :cheatfree:
julie.ann

julie.ann

7
 

Okay....so let's review.

Well okay. I need to review how I am doing since I started back to blogging. I haven't done so well keeping track of what I ate. Actually I only did it one day because of the sweets I have eaten which is exactly why I need to do it. I'm going to work on that! I did go to the gym three times with week and I went to the doctor yesterday to get an inhaler so I can get back to cardio. I walked/ran to the gym. 1 1/2 miles to get there.....worked out..... 1 1/2 miles home. I am very happy. I got my cardio in and I wasn't completely bored. It will also help me to improve because I will work on running more than walking. Eat only when I am hungry???? Pretty good except for the sweets. We had a bunch of stuff at work this week. Subway cookies were given away all week. That will get better as I record what I eat on SparkPeople.com. The weekend will be hard. My last two night shifts until at least the end of the summer. (Hopefully) Eating healthy is all about making good choices while I pack my meals to go to work. So let's review. Okay...better than before, not as good as the first 9 months post-op. Room for improvement and a desire to improve. I
julie.ann

julie.ann

0
 

Off the wagon...

11/7/08 I fell off the wagon…..Ok it was more a jump….or leap. Yeah, Leap would probably cover it. I know that I shouldn’t have, but I did. I have been having a hard time getting in even 900 calories. Of course the monster I fight (obesity) tells me….well I have been so low on calories it won’t hurt. One time. One meal. I’ll write it down and figure it in. I don’t have a fill yet. It will be okay. After almost a month with no bread, pasta, potatoes or rice I ate pizza. I feel like crap. My chest hurts because I ate too much. I wish I could rewind. I am so happy that I can start over right now. I can’t think about what this has done to the scale. I won’t think about it. Yeah…..maybe that was a little too Scarlet O’hara. Sorry I am feeling a bit dramatic. I almost want to puke, but I don’t want to take the chance of hurting my band. HA! That is almost funny. If I didn’t want to hurt my band I wouldn’t have eaten pizza. I ‘ll tell you what really got me started. I stepped on the scale yesterday and I had lost a total of 26 lbs. I was on cloud nine. It was the first time I had been in that area for about 2 years. Today the scale gave me back 3 lbs. I was tired, sore and frustrated. It isn’t a good excuse to do that. I won’t step on the scale until Monday. I need to stay off of the scale except once a week. I have that compulsion to weigh everyday. Now that I have the Wii Fit (I just got it yesterday!!!) I even have another excuse to weigh. I’ve got to stop that.!
julie.ann

julie.ann

7
 

NSV...SV...Victories all over the place.

Okay...where do I start. I know if has been a while since I have posted and I am ready to share some great stuff that has been going on directly related to my band.   First a BIG NSV (non-scale victory) I went shopping today for a new pair of jeans. I have been wearing a size 18 (I know I can't believe I've been in a size 18!!!) A couple of people have commented that they are getting baggy. Not falling off or anything, but baggy in the but, so I decided to find some that fit me ok. I tried on a size 16 only to find they were too big too!!! OMG!!! So I went out to get a smaller size thinking that they would be too small and THEY FIT!!!! (I am shouting for joy now) I FIT INTO AND BOUGHT A SIZE 14 JEANS!!!!!!! I haven't fit into that size since somewhere around my sophmore year in high school!!! I still can't believe it!!! I know all jeans are different and I tried on several brands and styles and I could button all of them. I just didn't like most of them and some were too tight, but that's okay. I've also been thinking about getting a body shaper. I am really noticing how much I will be needing a tummy tuck and breast lift. My body is beginning to look like a deflated ballon. Anyway while I was in Walmart I tried on a size 2xl cami body shaper and it was too big so I got an XL. I can't believe the difference! It only cost $16 and it is amazing and comforatble so I will be wearing that most days to work now. I also got lucky and found some amazing deals on clothes that fit me. $5 for a skirt and the same for pants. I kept grabbing the size 18 and kept going back tot he rack to get a size 16. (These can not be even a little snug...they are for work)   Okay...next victory. I went out of town last week. I was gone from Tuesday to Friday and I STILL LOST WEIGHT!!! I had to eat out for every meal and was "wined and dined" for two of those (for work not pleasure) and I still lost weight and worked out! VICTORY!!!! YAY! This is the trip every year that usually gets me off track. I have another one next month, but I am more confident that I can make it!. I did find myself starting to feel sad that I couldn't eat more of the stuff I liked, but then I was so grateful because I realized that the band was dong just what I wanted it to do. It was giving me a reason to not over eat. I could have kept gong but I would have felt horrible and I don't want to stretch my pouch. I love my band. I had to say no to fresh hot pretzels and pastries all week, but that is ok. I could have eaten it, but chose not to. The band has helped me make those tough desicions. I know I could have eaten around the band and drank a TON of expensive alcholic drinks and incredible soft deserts, but I have learned a new lifestyle and since I have worked so hard for 5 months I was ready to hit the road and still make good desicions. I have lost 80 lbs and I am 5 lbs from ONEderland. I can't wait to get there. Have I mentioned I love my band? His name is Band Jovi:drum:
julie.ann

julie.ann

9
 

My first of many NSV (Non-scale victories!)

11/9/08 I’ve already begun to pull clothes out of my closet I haven’t worn in years. And that started just a week post-op and continues. I can’t believe it. I am already ….um…..more comfortable with my husband. Okay that was kind of weird putting that down. I’ve moved to weighing myself on the Wii Fit. It says that I’ve lost a total of 27 lbs and I’ve got from a BMI of 49 to 44.11. That is amazing! I was embarrassed of my BMI even on the boards, but I feel more “normal” for a new bandster now. I’ve upped my calories to 1000-1200 per day. I think that is where I need to be to keep the weight moving and I plan to start back to the gym this week. I haven’t gone to the gym regularly since about May. I hope that will jump start my weight loss even more. I still worry about my port and band and I can’t wait until my first fill. Not just for the fill but to be reassured that everything is ok with my port and band. I don’t know what I will do if I need a revision. Self pay means I definitely have to worry about that stuff!
julie.ann

julie.ann

7
 

My First Fill....Strange!

12/5/08 My first fill! Yeah! What a ton of weird feelings. I never had anyone walk me through what it was like to have a fill, so I am going to put it down here. Well first I should say that Dr. Kirshenbaum is the one that did my fill and every doctor is probably different. So I went in and they weighed me. I don’t mind getting on the scale as long as the numbers are going down. I went into the exam room and there was a sonogram machine on one side of the table. So I laid down on the exam table and the doctor came in and felt for my port. No problem. That was easy. He cleaned my tummy with alcohol and then betadine. He asked if I was ready and after I said yes her poked me with the syringe. It didn’t hurt at all. He worked on getting all the air out of the syringe/needle. I had a little stinging sensation a couple of times, but I think that was either the saline hitting the inside of the port or from the needle being in where I’m not used to having a needle. J He had 2 syringes. One had 1.7 of saline in it and the other had like 2.5 of saline. He put the 1.7 in my band and then had me stand up. So now I have a needle sticking out of my tummy. Yeah it was as weird as it seemed! I drank some water without any problem. So now he puts more saline in and says drink some more water. OMG! I it just stayed in my pouch. Just sat there! It felt so strange. I wanted to cough it up or something. He took out about .5cc and then no problem. Now we did the dance. He put in .4cc and I took a drink and there was a definite hesitation in my pouch and then a tiny burp down there and it drained. He took out .2cc and I could drink and a tiny hesitation and then it drained. He took out .1cc and no hesitation now. I can drink and it was just fine. 2.8cc for my first fill. I know the number is arbitrary, but still nice to know. I took food with me so I didn’t have to worry about what I was going to eat. It has been a habit that has been working pretty well. Even if DH and kids eat at McDonalds I have something to eat. So anyway I had some cottage cheese and chicken salad. No problem. I went to TGI Fridays and had a grilled chicken breast. Small mindful bites and no problem. I can’t believe that .10cc more and I would be too tight. That is only a couple of drops of saline. Amazing. I guess the band is much touchier than I thought. I think some doctors have set amounts for fill. (.5 for each one or something.) I’m glad Dr. K isn’t like that. Fill till restriction then pull back just enough. Sounds good to me. Oh then he pulled out the syringe. WEIRD!!!!! No pain though. I will go back January 9th for my second fill. I even got to meet someone from lapbandtalk.com! That was cool too. The girls in the office today recommended this thrift store for cheap in-between jeans. So I look for jeans and I finally see this one pair of petite jeans. There were a size 18P Sonoma brand for $4 so I thought I would get them and they can be a goal. I started in a size 22 and they are baggy, but my only jeans so I wore them today. So I just got home from Denver (7 hr drive) and I hold them up and say to myself that there is NO WAY, but I'll try and see how far I get...they will be my first pair of "goal jeans". Guess what...yep! THEY FIT!!!! Not comfy enough to lounge around the house, but I can wear them out if I want to. WOW! What a day. My first fill and this!
julie.ann

julie.ann

8
 

My favorite Band Friendly Foods...

1-25-09     Some of my favorite foods!   Sizzlin Chicken and Cheese (Inspired by the dish of the same name at TGI Friday's)   Saute pepper and onion strips in EVOO Spray Chicken Breast grilled or pre-grilled and warmed melt 2 pieces of american cheese on top. Takes about 10-15 minutes to from chopping veggies to eating if using pre-grilled chicken.   Excellent! Full meal! ------------------------- Quick and easy chicken salad. 1 can of chicken 2-3 tblsp light miracle whip 2-3 tblsp sweet relish garlic pepper to taste Mix it all and refridgerate until needed. Makes TWO servings. This is a main dish for me. It takes about 3 minutes to make. I take it to work. ------------------------------------------   Cold Turkey Mix 3 oz turkey breast - I like it refrigerated ½ cup cottage cheese ¼ cup frozen peas – thawed. Mix all together and enjoy. Mixing the textures helps the turkey breast go down easier. It might sound gross, but I LOVE IT!!! And it is so healthy! Hormel Roast Beef - great stuff. On package has about 3.5 servings. Sometimes I have a side of veggies with it and sometimes I mix it with cottage cheese like above. ----------------------------------------------   Stuffed Chicken Breast from walmart Sam’s Choice brand They have different kinds. I really like the artichoke and spinach or the pepper jack cheese and bacon or the swiss cheese and jalapanos. It has 230-270 calories, 7-8 carbs and 30-35 protein. It is enough for an entire meal. It fills me up! -----------------------------------------   Chili Dogs – Super Bowl is coming!!!   2 97% Fat Free Hebrew National Hot Dogs 3 Tblsp Chili dog sauce – Great Value Brand   I just heat it in the Microwave.
julie.ann

julie.ann

7
 

My Bandster Guidelines.....

11/14/08 I thought I would put down the guidelines I have gotten from other bandsters that have been successful. I have to remember these. I have been told over and over you don’t have to follow all of the guidelines all of the time, but most of them most of the time. So far so good.   Here are the guidelines: Guidelines: • No liquid calories [except 2 servings of non fat milk (2 x 8 oz = 16 oz/day)] (16 grams of protein) • No soft foods • Two 3-4 ounce servings of protein/day (2 X 21-28 = 42-56 grams of protein) I have been getting about 80-120 a day. • Always eat the protein first, then the vegetables • Avoid bread, pasta, rice, potatoes and other starchy foods • 20-25 grams of fiber a day (Examples: bran cereal, fruits, vegetables, beans) • Eat only three small meals a day with maybe one small planned snack • Eat slowly and chew thoroughly • Stop eating as soon as you feel full • Do not drink while you are eating (This is the hardest for me.) • Do not eat between meals except for a planned snack • Eat only good quality foods • Avoid tough stringy foods • Drink plenty of liquids during the day (48-64 ounces) between meals • Drink only low calorie liquids • Exercise at least 30 minutes per day (I have to still work on how to fit this into my full time mom/wife, full time work, full time student day.)   Your surgeon may have different guidelines
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

My (tiny) Unfill...............

I just got my unfill on Friday. It is so nice to be able to take a glass of water and drink it right down!   I went to TGI Fridays and had my customary sizzlin chicken and cheese for lunch after my adjustment. I was able to each 1/4 of my serving and was full and satisfied and not get stuck. I think Friday was the first time of no PBing for a really long time. I am looking forward to making it a week without PBing and them even more. One day at a time. So far it has been 3 days.   Dr. K wanted to start by taking out 0.5cc. I told him I was thinking 0.1cc. I love the fact that he listens to me. We started at 0.1 removed and ended up after "tuning the band" with a total of 0.25cc removed. Not much if you look at it, but I could really tell a differce. I drove 14 hours round trip today to have 0.25cc removed. Wow!   I already know that I won't make my Halloween goal, but I am ready to get on my path. Soft Calorie Syndrome really was tough for me the last month. It might take me another 6 months to lose the last little bit I have to lose, but in less than a year I have lost 115 lbs so I know better than to complain!
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

my "Ah-ha" moment

10/17/08     Here is my "Ah-ha" moment. (a bit lengthy)   I have just realized that eating is not supposed to be fun. No...I know what you are thinking. Well I know if it was me two weeks ago I would be thinking that it may not be fun, but I enjoy it.   I always saw eating as fun. Entertainment. I used it as a reward for myself or a consolation. I would put the kiddos to bed when they were little and then sit down with my favorite show and a plate of garlic bread and enjoy. If work REALLY sucked I would come home and sit down and eat ice cream or pick up McDonalds on the way home because I "deserved" it.   Eating is not supposed to be fun. I thought going out with friends and having fun equaled eating.   I started my pre-op diet on Monday. I started it earlier than I needed to and I have lost 8 lbs since last Friday. Wow I felt great...but I had that nawing desire for a last supper. Come on surely some of you can relate. That last...I can't eat this for months......can I ever eat this with the band......last supper. As of tomorrow no bread, pasta, rice or potatoes.   I ate great all day. I went grocery shopping and did it. Guess what. IT SUCKED!!!!!! I had garlic bread and frozen pizza. (My staple) Not only was the garlic bread not satisfying, but the pizza tasted...well, flat. That is the only way I can describe it. Flat! It tasted worse than ever before. My taste buds would be much happier if I had eaten veggies and chicken breast. I wish I could puke. I hope I remember this feeling forever! So not worth it!   I know that I will want crappy food again. But I feel like I am a step ahead of where I was before. Now listen to this. Are you ready? Eating is for survival. It is to get enough nutrition to live. That is its main focus. I know this sounds simple, but I have been oblivious to the obvious. (Try saying that three times fast.) It is not a reward. It does not console us. It doesn't take away boredom It doesn't listen to our problems. It is a fair weather friend....actually not even a friend at all. It is that bi*chy girl in jr. high that we thought liked us, but only pretends to until she can stab us in the back.   I am ready now. I am ready to start the rest of my life. I am ready to try to forget this "last supper". Actually I guess I want to remember it forever.
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

Memorial Day Challege.....- 100 lbs

Just dropping in to say YAY! I have lost 100 lbs which makes my Memorial Day Goal!!!! The weight is coming off more slowly becuase I haven't been sticking to my high protein diet like I was. I am still losing and that what matters and it really is more on a lifetime diet. I know I have been eating in a way that will drop the weight off quickly. I have still been working hard, but high protein will drop the weight faster than any other type of diet that I have found. I have lost about 7 lbs this month instead of 10-13lbs. I love dropping the weight fast, but I feel like I am starting the point in my journey that really gets to the real life eating. Sometimes I don't make the best, most nutritious choices, but I have been very rare breaking a single rule until after my first 6 months. Working out continues to be a major part of my journey. I have started a weight training program at my gym. It is giving me variety and that is what I need to keep it interesting. Is losing 6 or 7 lbs instead of 10-12 lbs a month worth the extra here and there that I am eating? I guess that is the question. Everyone needs to aswer that for themselve. I am really happy with how I look, but I know I am not done yet. I saw myself in pictures this weekend. (BSN Graduation) and I was very unhappy with what I saw. I guess maybe I need to see more pictures to get me motivated again. I am still following most of the bandster guidelines most of the time. I am less than 43 away from goal so I could still make my goal of being half the person I was just one year post op. We will see what happens.
julie.ann

julie.ann

7
 

Maintenance? I guess I need to work on that.

Well I have been having ups and downs. I am almost 9 months out. I have stopped weighing myself all the time and decided to try to maintain my weight loss. It has been hard and I haven't been doing a very good job. I have decided to try to shock myself back in a low carb high protein mode this week. Just because I need to get the cravings out of my system. I am still hitting the gym. Because of a couple of things that came up unexpectedly and out of town meetings I actually had only 2 days working out this week. That is the least I have worked out since about November. I guess I'll have to watch that. I did go shopping and was able to fit my big fat butt into a size 10 skirt!!!! :thumbup: I couldn't believe it! I don't ever remember wearing a size 10! I also bought my first little black dress. It is a size 14 (the girls are always bigger) I have just recently gotten out of plus size shirts) It is Calvin Klein and it looks AWESOME! Now I just need a place to wear it! So I am still having some NSV, but I have to admit that I am feeling very fat again. Part of it is what I am eating. If I was eating right all the time I wouldn't feel like look so fat. I'll have to work on that. I know that I have gotten used to seeing myself like this so that is part of why I am starting to not see a skinny me in the mirror anymore. That will change when I start loosing again. I am still looking forward to visiting my family and surprising them with my 100+ weight loss. I leave a week from Thursday. I have been tanning and worrying about what to wear and what they will say. I will look forward to coming home and getting back on the weight loss wagon. I am starting to think that weight loss will be much MUCH easier than maintenance....I guess I'll have to work on that. Much love to all! Julie Ann Preop/Surg/Now/Goal 285 / 271/ 177 / 142.5 Surgery - October 29, 2008 Dr. Kirshenbaum in Aurora, CO - Self Pay $9950
julie.ann

julie.ann

5
 

Letting people in on my secret....

Today I have taken a huge step for me and decided to share my experience with others around me. Until now the only people that have known has been my hubby, a friend that I told in Nov/Dec and last week I told another friend as she went with me to my latest fill. I have shared my story with the girls I break with at work. Why? Well I was at work in one of the nurse's stations and someone was nice enough to pay me a compliement. I said thank you and when asked told them that I was watching what I ate and work out . They kept going on and more people started until finally I just politely left. It made me uncomfortable because I felt like I was lying by omission. I kind of felt like I should tell them the entire truth. I talked to my friends that knew and they said that people would wonder anyway. I know it was my decision and a little part of me will always want to keep it to myself, but part of me wanted to share it too. I still wonder if I did the right thing. It is still a little confusing. My friends at work were really supportive and happy for me. We will see what happens next.
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

Lead us not into tempation....

I went to the beach last week for a conference and things went pretty well. I was able to work out 4 days last week and I did pretty well eating with only a few cheats. I did drink too much alcohol and I know those are empty calories but I had a good time and I even lost a little weight.   Ok so here is the thing that happened that is kind of weird. I could be wrong....It has been a while.....but I think that one of the docs was flirting with me. Yeah, I know! WEIRD!   He was a McCutey! I DID tell him I was married and talked about what a great guy DH is. Expecially after he asked me if I was staying over an extra night. I asked if he had family (I promise I was wondering if he had kids, you know small talk). He must have taken it wrong because he told me he was divorced. I asked "No kids?" He said yes and I asked him if he didn't consider them family. He said he thought maybe that wasn't the question.   I know I have been married a long time (almost 16 years) but how many different reasons can a guy find to touch you. Geesh! My arm, shoulder, leg, back and that was sitting at a table with 8 other people having a nice....not too personal conversation. I have to admit (but not to my hubby) that it was very flattering,(probablly because he was so damn cute and well put together....give me a break I'm married not blind) but it was also a little strange to be back into that group of the population that has to worry about some random guy flirting with her.   My general goal for quite some time has been simply to blend in and not be noticed as the "big lady walking my way" or "sitting next to me." I have wanted to feel invisible, or that I look like the average person walking down the street. I have just begun to feel that way. I don't have to use a "professional persona" as my shield at business trips, but I guess now I have to see what happens when my real personality is out there in front of everyone. That is kind of scarey. I don't even know if I can let anyone really get to know me the "real" me.   I am starting to wonder who that is....
julie.ann

julie.ann

10
 

Keep on paddling and stop drifting in the water....

This weekend was a tough one for me. I cheated both Saturday and Sunday. I haven't eaten less than stellar for 2 days in a row since I was banded almost 6 months ago. I was doing well and the weight was dropping, but just like every other time I concetrated on my weight or a certain goal I started to drift in the water.   It is like being out in the middle of ocean. If I look at how far I have to paddle my little boat to find dry land, I start to give up and think that drifting will eventually get me somewhere. It also happens when I paddle hard and when I have almost reached land I think that it won't hurt to take a little break for the day and before you know it I have drifted back a few miles (pounds). If I stop concentrating on all of that and just know that every day I have to paddle all of the sudden I look up and I am on the beach! Does any of that make sense to anyone but me?   I have a stupid NSV for you. I bought a belt. Okay...that isn't it. I actually wore the belt yesterday with jeans and my shirt tucked in. I am starting to tuck in my shirts! That is another NSV. It only took losing 90 lbs to get me to that one!   Well I have shared the fact that I had surgery with some of my friends. I did have one say during the conversation when I said that I am working hard she added that I couldn't have done it without the surgery. I know it is true, but there it was and I feel like it be-littles the hard work I am putting into my weight loss journey. She didn't mean it in a bad way and I'm sure doesn't think I gave the comment another thought. I know more people with think and say things like that as more people find out. There is part of me....a big part of me that wishes I would have just kept it to myself, but you can't unring a bell.   I am still proud of what I have done and will continue to do it. I just have to remember to paddle........ everyday........ without fail........ I will be on the beach before I know it!
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

Just because I can eat it doesn't mean I should!!!

I partied last night. For the first time in almost 5 months I really over did it in every way. I drank (althought had as few of calories as possible doing it) and ate much more than I should have. My husband's family had a "benefit" dinner for my son. We are sending him to Austria in July with an Ambassador program. We have been fund raising and so his aunt invitedthe whole family over and cooked mexican food and had everyone over for a donation dinner. The first round of supper I did a good job. I ate the the right amount of portions and was no longer full. I just had a fill 2 days ago and things were going good. But then with every drink my inhibitions lowered. I remember when me and my girlfriends would say don't let me do anything stupid when I am drunk. Then we were talking about guys....now I will be talking about food! I drank and ate and I be after 4 months of keeping my calories under 1200 a day (usually 800-1000/daily) I betI ate 3000 calories. My fingers are swollen, My face feels greasy. I don't feel good at all. I have proven to myself that with the band I CAN eat anything (I kind of already knew that) but just because I can eat it doesn't mean I should. I didn't listen to my stomach that was satisfied I listened to my head that will always be happy to take in more food. Here is the great thing. Today is a new day. We are 5 hours away from home, but I have packed my meals in case there aren't good choices around and so I am not worried about getting back on the program that is my life. I may have put myself back a week. I may not reach ONEderland by Aprill 1st. That is my fault and I will still get there. No, the band isn't magic, It is a tool. I don't want to be so tight that I CAN"T eat anything. I just have to be good listen to my stomach and put that child that is my head hunger back in the box. Today is a new day!
julie.ann

julie.ann

5
 

Just about a year out and my pics.....

Well I will have my bandiversary this week. Hard to believe. I keep thinking about what I was doing a year ago and how I felt and how hopeful and excited and scared I was. I was so afraid that this wouldn't work. Would I spend this money and not do what I had to do. I knew it would be hard, but what if I failed? I wouldn't have anything to hide behind. I would have pulled out all the stops and still weighed 285 lbs and stood at only 5'4". Okay I am still 5'4", but now am about 170-175 lbs. My lightest has been 168 and I need to get back on program. I have been maintaining, but I would like to lose more....and I will. I know I will because I know I can. I am starting to not be happy with what I see in the mirror. I want to get down another size, but at a size 11/12 I never would have thought 1 year ago that I would have wanted to lose more than that. I am happy with my progress. I have had 4 fills and 1 very recent unfill. I am really perfect now. (you know what I mean) I am thankful every day! Money has gotten tight and I know that the $263 monthly surgery loan payment is the biggest part of that, but I can't help but think that it is still worth it. I look at pictures of myself from before and my kids and husband say they don't even remember me looking like that. I am used to people I know looking right past me. I have even found myself not striking up a conversation when I am in a hurry (like in line at Walmart) because it takes people a few seconds to even figure out who I am and then they want to hear all about how I lost my weight. I still haven't told EVERYBODY, but I have told a lot of people. For all of those wondering if you should get banded....know that it is hard work. It is a high protein diet for me and you HAVE to learn the difference between stomach hunger and head hunger, but if you are willing to work hard and want a tool that will help you get there.....this is it. I love my band! [/url]  
julie.ann

julie.ann

12
 

Is there such a thing as a SUPPORTIVE strapless bra?

I am getting more comfortable with my body and especially my sholders and arms. I would love to wear some cute tops with thin straps or something strapless. Can anyone help me out with this? I can't find a strapless bra that is supportive enough.   I know I need PS and plan to do it in 5 years when I get my WLS paid off, in the mean time can you help me out?
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

Is it time to stick a fork in me? Am I done?

Well this is the question I have been wrestling with lately. Am I done? My goal weight is about 35 lbs from here but I have lost about 108 lbs. I started a size 24-26 and I am now a size 12. (I'm sure a size 10 if I could get a tummy tuck.) I have started to plateau. It has been tough the last month and especially the last few weeks. I haven't been as strict as I used to be. Part of me feels like I should be happy with my weight. I am happy. I feel more confident. Of course I would feel even better if I lost at least another 15 lbs. I know that.   Is is so bad that I feel happy....dare I say the word....satisfied with my weight? I am 177. I am 5'4" with a BMI of 30. I want to weigh in the 160's for the first time in 20 years, but then why am I doing more of a maintenance diet than weight loss diet? That is the only thing that I can think of. I am happy enough with where I am. I am having a hard time admitting it. Maybe it is because I am SUCH as goal oriented person and I haven't reached my goal. Maybe I need a break until after my vacation at the end of the month and just work on maintaining. Maybe I need to quit making excuses, quit cheating every other day and get back to the grind. I don't know. After 8 months...9 if you count my pre-op diet maybe I am just burned out on folowing the rules. It is hard to keep motivated when the scales aren't moving. It is hard to get the scales to move when you cheat. I wish I could find my will power I had in the begining. Maybe I need to put old pictures of me up, but I know I don't look like that now. Maybe I need more pictures of my now so I can see how much I still need to lose. Any sage advice for a not so newby?
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

Irrationally upset by crazy coments.....

1-27-08   Okay I know that I should be flattered with all of the attention. I am happy that people can tell that I have lost weight. But I find myself getting a little pissy about some of the comments. I know they all mean well. There is this lady at work that compliments me, “You are looking so skinny…now promise me you won’t gain it back.” Like I ever lost weight and PLANNED to put it back on. It wasn’t bad until about the 10th time she said it in two weeks.   Then there is this other guy that just kept going on today about how good I looked and how skinny I am getting and how dedicated I am. Sure, I know I shouldn’t complain, but he just kept going on about how he just couldn’t BELIEVE how skinny I am.   Okay let’s clear the air here. I am NOT SKINNY!!! I am not even half way to goal. I weigh 226.9 and that is the weight some people are when they are banded. My butt is still plenty big and I have big ‘ol fat rolls. I am happy how well things are going and I know that people who weigh what I did when I started or more may be wondering what I am complaining about.   I guess it seems like people are saying “WOW your fat butt looks skinny compared to how crappy you looked before! ….So as fat as you are now you know how huge you used to look!” I know this might sound stupid, but a “Hey you look good!” is a big enough compliment for me. Friends are different. I don’t mind that so much, but co-workers that you don’t see outside of work….It might be different if I was skinny. You know another 70 pounds from now. (ok maybe even 50 pounds)   I was very nice and tell them thank you, but today it just kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Sorry, I needed to vent. It happens every once in a while. :cheatfree:  
julie.ann

julie.ann

20
 

Into the 160's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!!!! I am out of the 170's! I weighed 168.9 lbs today! Awesome!   I too started to platuea after about 8 months. I needed another adjustment that I put off for 3 monthsl I also changed up my diet a little. My supper mostly is tilapia fish and a side of cottage cheese to help with the texture. With a high protein breakfast and noon meal the weight has started to move again. I had started to cheat with sweets and it had stalled my progress. Still hitting the gym. I still do much better if I track everthing I eat at www.spartkpeople.com. If I don't track it then I eat one or two things that really screw up my band. I love my band. I might be a little tight. If I was closer to my surgeon I would get a tiny unfil, but if I am mindful of what I eat and the bites I take then I do okay.   I'm in the 160's! I just about can't stand it!!!!:thumbup:     High /Surgery/Current/Goal 285.5/ 271 / 168.9/142.5 Banded - 10/29/08 Five fills - 5.9 cc/10cc   Halloween Goal: Weigh What my Driver's License Says I Do!
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

I've met some goals...Time to set a few more!

1-16-08     I have hit some of my Non-Scale Goals. My goals include being comfortable sitting in a chair without having a table to hide me.
Being able to cross my legs and be comfortable. (especially in an airplane)
My kids being able to hug me and put their arms all the way around me
I realized after my son’s game last night that I was comfortable sitting on the bleachers watching him play. I wasn’t completely self conscious like I used to be. I can cross my legs. I’m not completely comfortable doing it yet, but I’m getting there. Tonight after school when each of my boys gave me a hug they were able to lock their hands together behind me. WOW! Three months after surgery. Who would have thought!   My next goals are to · Weigh less than my husband · Be able to use a regular size towel and rap around me and have it stay. · Still working on crossing my legs comfortably. · I will be flying in April. I want to be more comfortable on an airplane and not wonder if the person next to me is wondering how they got stuck next to the fat chick. · I am planning to go parasailing! I wouldn’t go last year when I was at the beach in April because of my weight. I plan on being in onderland this year so I can’t wait to go!!! Whew! That is a lot! Here I go……
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

I'm dreaming of Plastic Surgery....

I know someday I will get PS, but I have another 4 1/2 years until I have my lapband surgery paid off so I will have to wait until then unless something else happens.:thumbup: Depressing to know that it will be 5 years before I can get this extra skin taken care of and my breast will keep sagging until then too. I want the headlights back on bright instead of pointing to my toes. I think I would even be happy with my body now if I could have PS. I think I would be able to fit into a size 10 then (I am wearing a size 12 now) and I never even thought about wearing a size smaller than that. I remember wanting to wear a size 16 and couldn't imagine fitting into a size 14. (Don't get me wrong I would rather have extra skin than 100 xtra pounds!!!!)   I am getting to the point where I can tell a difference in my shoulders and face. I look in the mirror now and think, "Wow! Is that me?" I think my double chin has practiaclly dissapeared and I have cheek bones. I even wore a tank top when I went golfing with my hubby yesterday!!! That is a NSV! :w00t:   While lying in bed last night on my side my hubby started to "caress" (for lack of a better word) my hip bone. Not like when I started to feel my hip bone when I tried, but it is really THERE! I was kind of complaining about being fat last month and DH tapped my rib cage. I told him that hurt and I rubbed the spot and he said, 'That's because I hit bone, not soft stuff." It kind of surprised me that he was right. :biggrin: Another NSV.....I like the way I look in my swimsuit. Now don't get me wrong, I don't have a two piece or anything. It is a solid one piece with a little skirt, but I feel good in it! Who would have ever thought. :eek:   This week end has been a bad one for me. I am dealing with a lot with my daughter and I used food. I will be okay. Weekends are the hardest for me. I will be back on track starting now and the scale will keep moving. [ATTACH]126[/ATTACH][ATTACH]127[/ATTACH]   High /Surgery/Current/Goal 285.5/ 271 / 182.8/ 142.5 Banded - 10/29/08 Four fills - 4.7cc/10cc
julie.ann

julie.ann

8
 

I'm almost too tired to celebrate.....

11/13/08     I’m really tired today. I only got about 2 ½ hours of sleep last night. I am ready for bed but I thought I would stop by and put some things down. I am so tired I couldn’t even jump up and down. I am down. The scale….or at least the Wii Fit tells me I have lost almost 30lbs. That has been since my pre-op diet. I have to admit I am kind of let down that no one at work has noticed my 30 pound weight loss. I keep telling myself that one day I will be able to say I lost 70 lbs. That’s almost half of my goal. My family lives half way across the country. I haven’t said anything to them. Not even that I have lost any weight. I figure when it really becomes noticeable ( probably after 40 or 50 lbs) it will be hard to keep it from them unless I ask my other family to keep it a secret from them for a surprise. I thought if I could keep it from them until I am in onederland I would celebrate and reward myself with a surprise weekend trip to see them. So I am now trying to concentrate on eating like a bandster. I have to eat my protein first and then my filler of veggies and such. I say I don’t have restriction but I know when I eat too much and I can get full on 3 oz of protein and 1 – 1½ cup of a side dish. My problem has become being bored with what I am eating. I have been eating Jennie-O turkey breast. I just found some Hormel Beef Roast au jus. It is really good and has about 3 servings per package. It is really easy to heat in the microwave. I am going to have to really work on adding variety to my diet so I don’t get bored and stray. My first fill is less than two weeks away. I can’t wait. It would be nice to have this be a least a little easier. Well I better get to sleep. Good night. I wish well to all of my fellow bandsters.
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

I think every fill is different...

1-10-09 Well my second fill is behind me. Dr. K saw my weight loss and asked me if I even needed a fill. (I lost 15# in 5 weeks.) I asked the same thing two days earlier when I called the office. What made Natalie decide that I needed to keep my appointment was the fact that I was starting to get hungry a little faster between meals. I also can eat more than I should. I would stop at about 1 ½ cups but I know I could eat more. I think every fill might be different. It wasn’t as clear for me this time how much was the right amount. Last time there was a level that water didn’t move, then one that did a little more, a lower level with a tiny hesitation then a level when with water ran right through. This time I questioned myself more. Maybe it was because I didn’t hit the level when nothing would move through. I have been so worried about getting too tight. I went out to eat my now customary Sizzling Chicken and Cheese at TGI Fridays like I have for every Denver trip. I was so worried that it wouldn’t go down easily. Thankfully it went down great! I was happy to find that it took much less to fill me up. Last time I ate at TGI Fridays I put half of the meal in a TO GO box and ate a half order. This time I, of course, started out by putting half of the meal in a box, but I had to put half of what was left on my plate in the box too! I only ate ¼ of my meal and I was full! Wow! That was great! This morning I had to stop my breakfast after not being able to finish half of it. I am going to have to learn what my band wants and how much. That’s ok! I don’t mind. I hope that I won’t need to go back to Denver. I hope that I have found my “sweet spot.” I have been working hard at the gym too. At least three 30 minutes workout each week is my minimum. I have been there 3-5 days a week and I try to work out at least an hour each time. I do 30min of cardio every day I make it to the gym and then I’ll work my abs or upper body or legs. I don’t work my legs enough. I know that. I need to work on that because I don’t want to be pear shaped, but I think if I keep working out my upper and not my lower body that is what will happen. I’ve also noticed that I am having a harder time getting an intense workout when it comes to weight training. I did add a new ab exercise. I have to keep my motivation up. Weighing in everyday on the Wii helps me with that. Yesterday was the first day I missed since I was out of town for my last fill. Well I have a goal for Valentine’s Day and only have to lose 11.1 more pounds to get there. I would love to blow that goal out of the water!
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
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