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About this blog

This is my journal towards weight loss. This is where I can come and put everything out there. I have kept my decision to myself. The only person besides my doctor that know is my husband. (I finally told my best friend too!) My kids know I had surge

Entries in this blog

 

Irrationally upset by crazy coments.....

1-27-08   Okay I know that I should be flattered with all of the attention. I am happy that people can tell that I have lost weight. But I find myself getting a little pissy about some of the comments. I know they all mean well. There is this lady at work that compliments me, “You are looking so skinny…now promise me you won’t gain it back.” Like I ever lost weight and PLANNED to put it back on. It wasn’t bad until about the 10th time she said it in two weeks.   Then there is this other guy that just kept going on today about how good I looked and how skinny I am getting and how dedicated I am. Sure, I know I shouldn’t complain, but he just kept going on about how he just couldn’t BELIEVE how skinny I am.   Okay let’s clear the air here. I am NOT SKINNY!!! I am not even half way to goal. I weigh 226.9 and that is the weight some people are when they are banded. My butt is still plenty big and I have big ‘ol fat rolls. I am happy how well things are going and I know that people who weigh what I did when I started or more may be wondering what I am complaining about.   I guess it seems like people are saying “WOW your fat butt looks skinny compared to how crappy you looked before! ….So as fat as you are now you know how huge you used to look!” I know this might sound stupid, but a “Hey you look good!” is a big enough compliment for me. Friends are different. I don’t mind that so much, but co-workers that you don’t see outside of work….It might be different if I was skinny. You know another 70 pounds from now. (ok maybe even 50 pounds)   I was very nice and tell them thank you, but today it just kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Sorry, I needed to vent. It happens every once in a while. :cheatfree:  
julie.ann

julie.ann

20
 

Post Plastic Surgery

I know I've been gone a while. I was banded in October 2008. I have lost over 100 lbs. I may not have hit my goal in fact I have been the same for about 2 years give or take 15 lbs at times. Not unhappy. In fact I ran my first 5K in September. I am ready to get back to running in the next 4 weeks.   I just wanted you to know that I am post PS by about 10 days. A few months ago I finally decided that I didn't know what it would take but I would get it done. Sort of the same way I finally moved forward with band surgery. I had a breast lift and Tummy Tuck. I almost cryied today looking in the mirror. I still have 4 drains. One in a breast and 3 in my tummy. I am having to pack my belly button to help it heal but I tried on a few pieces of clothes today. Why am I crying? Because I look normal. I am still a good size. I have a ton of swelling still and I have been about a size 12 but of course with all the extra skin and such I have been wearing undergarments to try and pull in the layers and rolls. I didn't do this to look sexy (not like a model or anything) I did it to feel better about myself, be able to look more professional in my top level meetings, and feel better about myself, but at 10 days post op I am looking in the mirror and all I can say is I look normal. I finally look normal. That sounds so mild but I am jumping up and down inside. (not on the outside I would pull something). Before PS I didn't even want my husband to see me without my clothes on and now I am so happy. I can't wait to get the drains out. I am back to work in a week. I wanted to share...I LOOK NORMAL with or without clothes on. I feel like I have come full circle. Couldn't be happier.
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

Soft Calorie Syndrome

After almost a year being banded.....   Okay, so I have addmitted to myself that I am too tight. I have fallen into soft calorie syndrome. It sucks. I hope I can get a tiny unfil on Monday. My weight loss has been so-so and eating is too hard. I have fallen to soft foods, especially ice cream. BAD BAD BAD!!!!! Kind of depressing, but I want to get the unfill before I have to worry about a slip or erosion.
julie.ann

julie.ann

7
 

Just about a year out and my pics.....

Well I will have my bandiversary this week. Hard to believe. I keep thinking about what I was doing a year ago and how I felt and how hopeful and excited and scared I was. I was so afraid that this wouldn't work. Would I spend this money and not do what I had to do. I knew it would be hard, but what if I failed? I wouldn't have anything to hide behind. I would have pulled out all the stops and still weighed 285 lbs and stood at only 5'4". Okay I am still 5'4", but now am about 170-175 lbs. My lightest has been 168 and I need to get back on program. I have been maintaining, but I would like to lose more....and I will. I know I will because I know I can. I am starting to not be happy with what I see in the mirror. I want to get down another size, but at a size 11/12 I never would have thought 1 year ago that I would have wanted to lose more than that. I am happy with my progress. I have had 4 fills and 1 very recent unfill. I am really perfect now. (you know what I mean) I am thankful every day! Money has gotten tight and I know that the $263 monthly surgery loan payment is the biggest part of that, but I can't help but think that it is still worth it. I look at pictures of myself from before and my kids and husband say they don't even remember me looking like that. I am used to people I know looking right past me. I have even found myself not striking up a conversation when I am in a hurry (like in line at Walmart) because it takes people a few seconds to even figure out who I am and then they want to hear all about how I lost my weight. I still haven't told EVERYBODY, but I have told a lot of people. For all of those wondering if you should get banded....know that it is hard work. It is a high protein diet for me and you HAVE to learn the difference between stomach hunger and head hunger, but if you are willing to work hard and want a tool that will help you get there.....this is it. I love my band! [/url]  
julie.ann

julie.ann

12
 

The band is doing it's job, but I am not....

It is time to blog. I have been away far too long. Let talk about my band. My band is perfect. I have restriction (or whatever you want to call the perfect adjustment) I get full quickly. My hunger is controled. So now you get to hear about what happens if you don't do your part.   You gain weight! I have gained. I don't know how much. I don't want to step on my Wii Fit to find out. So here is the perfect example of why you have to work the band. It doesn't do all the work for you.   I have only been hitting the gym about twice a week. I have been eating unhealthy food and I have been eating when I am not hungry. I haven't been keeping track on what I am eating. I know that I can come here and no one will judge me, but I also know that I need to start blogging again and getting back to the rules. -Keep track of what I eat (on sparkpeople) -Cardio at least 3 times a week -Don't eat unless I am hungry -Solid protien first then a health side until I am full   I have heard plenty of storied of people that say that the band doesn't work. Well I lost 115 lbs in one year. The band works for me, but I know if I don't work at it I will fail. The band helps. It makes it easier, but if I don't want it bad enough I will gain the weight back. I can lose more weight and all I have to do is follow the rules.   I have found that since I have given up almost all bread, pasta, rice and potatoes that I have developed a killer sweet tooth. I have to get that stuff out of my system. I am really looking forward to the New Year to jump start my loss, but I am starting right now!     I also have to admit and face the fact that I am an emotional eater. I have been banded over a year and lost over 100 lbs and I am STILL and emotional eater. We are looking at putting our 16 year old daughter in a Christian based residential program because of her bad choices and everytime I think about it and have to deal iwth it I want to eat. I feel it like an alcoholic looking for a drink. I am looking to pick up a part time job to make an extra $2000 a month to put her in this 15 month program. I work Monday through Friday days and now I may have to work Friday and Saturday nights (RN). I worry about working more and working out less and emotional eating. I guess every day is a new set of challenges. I know blogging with help and I am so glad that I have this place to come!
julie.ann

julie.ann

11
 

Into the 160's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!!!! I am out of the 170's! I weighed 168.9 lbs today! Awesome!   I too started to platuea after about 8 months. I needed another adjustment that I put off for 3 monthsl I also changed up my diet a little. My supper mostly is tilapia fish and a side of cottage cheese to help with the texture. With a high protein breakfast and noon meal the weight has started to move again. I had started to cheat with sweets and it had stalled my progress. Still hitting the gym. I still do much better if I track everthing I eat at www.spartkpeople.com. If I don't track it then I eat one or two things that really screw up my band. I love my band. I might be a little tight. If I was closer to my surgeon I would get a tiny unfil, but if I am mindful of what I eat and the bites I take then I do okay.   I'm in the 160's! I just about can't stand it!!!!:thumbup:     High /Surgery/Current/Goal 285.5/ 271 / 168.9/142.5 Banded - 10/29/08 Five fills - 5.9 cc/10cc   Halloween Goal: Weigh What my Driver's License Says I Do!
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

Half Way!!!! - 71 lbs!!!!!! Four months Post-op!!

2-21-09 I weigh 213.8 and just in case you didn't notice that puts a bigger number on the left side of my ticker than the right! I AM OVER HALF WAY TO GOAL and I have lost 50% of my excess body weight! YEAH! I am almost 4 months post-op. I love my band! I hope to be in onderland by April 1 and hit the -100 pounds by my 35th birthday in June!!!! Thank you guys for you great support. I thought I needed a fill. Starting to look for food again between meals. Well my hubby broke his foot and will be off of work for a month (surgery yesterday to put a screw in his foot where he broke it) so I don't think I can afford a trip to Denver. What I noticed picking up a few days a clinic for my practicum is that I didn't get hungry between meals. I think I have been fighting that very conniving enemy called head hunger. I'm usually quick to pick up on it, but I think it was sneaking up on me and that's what the problem has been. I thought I was very wise to head hunger but sometimes it is so hard to tell the difference. So I might not get a fill soon, but I think I will be ok with that. I'll have to see closer to the time if I have any money to go. I am supposed to go two weeks from tomorrow. So we were sitting the doctor’s office yesterday morning waiting for orders to go the hospital for hubby’s surgery. I was sitting there and comfortably crossed my legs. That is has been such a big deal for me. I told hubby look! This is comfortable! I used to not be able to do this. He winked at me :thumbup: and said that getting me to cross my legs was the opposite goal he had for me. He’s so funny sometimes! :thumbup: I told my doctor the following yesterday: Here is an arithmatic lesson. It doesn't look right, but I've found that if you check it....it does equal out the way it is written. 4 months post-op (almost) - 71 lbs = 50% excess body weight = 1/2 way to goal of healthy BMI I may not get down that low, but I hope to be close. Healthy is my goal. I thought I was needing a fill, but with hubby off work I don't think I can afford a trip to Denver besides I noticed the last two days working at the clinic that I wasn't really hungry between meals. I think I have been struggling with head hunger which can be MUCH WORSE than real hunger. But I have to be honest I have been really lucky in my results so far and getting restriction so early. I don't think my results are rare at all, but I bet I am in the top percentage of weight lost so..... um...I guess the word I'm looking for is...... easily? Not to say it hasn't been work. I started spinning class again on Wednesday. My butt is still sore! I read an article that said that a successfull band patient is one that loses 50% of their excess body weight and keeps it off indeffinately. I just need to keep it off. I'm already successful. I think losing any more than another 50 lbs is just gravy. My band’s name is Band Jovi…:drum:...I’m a huge fan!
julie.ann

julie.ann

17
 

Memorial Day Challege.....- 100 lbs

Just dropping in to say YAY! I have lost 100 lbs which makes my Memorial Day Goal!!!! The weight is coming off more slowly becuase I haven't been sticking to my high protein diet like I was. I am still losing and that what matters and it really is more on a lifetime diet. I know I have been eating in a way that will drop the weight off quickly. I have still been working hard, but high protein will drop the weight faster than any other type of diet that I have found. I have lost about 7 lbs this month instead of 10-13lbs. I love dropping the weight fast, but I feel like I am starting the point in my journey that really gets to the real life eating. Sometimes I don't make the best, most nutritious choices, but I have been very rare breaking a single rule until after my first 6 months. Working out continues to be a major part of my journey. I have started a weight training program at my gym. It is giving me variety and that is what I need to keep it interesting. Is losing 6 or 7 lbs instead of 10-12 lbs a month worth the extra here and there that I am eating? I guess that is the question. Everyone needs to aswer that for themselve. I am really happy with how I look, but I know I am not done yet. I saw myself in pictures this weekend. (BSN Graduation) and I was very unhappy with what I saw. I guess maybe I need to see more pictures to get me motivated again. I am still following most of the bandster guidelines most of the time. I am less than 43 away from goal so I could still make my goal of being half the person I was just one year post op. We will see what happens.
julie.ann

julie.ann

7
 

This is why I had surgery!!!!

So here I go with more NSV. Why am I writing about these? Well I have come to accept that there will be a day that I don’t remember what it felt like to be where I am right now. I have stated to forget how it actually felt to be where I was 6 months ago. I remember the things I had to do (position pillows to get comfortable to sleep, ask for a window seat on the plane so I could smash myself up against the side and not take up too much room, buy 5x shirts because I wanted them loose and baggy) but not how if felt to roll over in bed and I remember the tears I cried after being intimate with my husband but not how embarrassed I was with my body, even with a man that always told me I was beautiful and he loved me. I’m writing this down so that when I get to place that I need motivation I will have it in my own words.   So on with the story. I walked into Maurice’s yesterday to look for some cute jeans. That would be different than just looking for jeans that fit. It is much more fun to look for cute jeans. Anyway I walked into our local Maurice’s that has regular sizes and plus sizes. The size 4, teenage sales girl asked me if she could help me and I told her that I was jean shopping and she pointed to the REGULAR size side of the store and started telling me what was on sale. Ok…do I need to point out that she did not ask me what size I wore or tell me what was on sale on the plus size side or even glance in that direction. I couldn’t believe it. I stood there for a second reveling in the moment. If I would have stood there any longer I could tell she was getting ready to ask me if I needed something else. It was FABULOUS!!!! I have decided that I am officially out of the plus size stores. :smile2: Ok so I tried on the flare leg and those are always too tight on my big old thighs. No surprise there, but when I tried on a looser fit, stretch low rise, (low rise…..H-E-L-L-O-!-!-!) :eek:I was absolutely overwhelmed to see that the size 13/14 was about too big. I checked the tag thinking I grabbed the wrong ones, or it was marked wrong. I didn’t even try on the 15/16. I would have gone to a size 11/12 (!!!!) but I didn’t like the wash on them. They looked too young for this old mom. My 15yr old daughter was with me and liked them but agreed that maybe they were too young of a style. Well I walked out of the store without jeans, but I was not bothered in the least. I was on cloud nine! Ok so I know you might think that alone would be enough to get through the next month or so…but there is MORE!   Today I am on my way to a conference. I haven’t flown for 7 months. So just to recap I had surgery about 6 months ago and have lost 90 lbs…..Do you see where I am going with this? Okay so first I got on the little plane (one seat on one side and 2 on the other) and I was able to walk down the aisle facing completely forward. No turning in the aisle to fit my too wide body down it. I was smiling and I’m sure if anyone was watching me and not asleep at 6:00am they would have wondered what the deal was with my sly little smile. :tongue2: So I found my seat and sat down and I didn’t have any arm rest cutting into my thighs. I put my bag under the seat and buckled my seatbelt and had about 8 inches to spare! Before it would have been at the largest setting and probably would have been uncomfortable on this tiny plane. So I wanted to grab a blanket and I unbuckled my belt and got up and got one and sat down and rebuckled and then I realized I didn’t grab a pillow and I jumped up again and rebuckled without any major production. I couldn’t believe it. So the plane wasn’t very full and about ¾ way through the flight I ….. CROSSED MY LEGS! :tongue:Yep you heard me. Now I will admit that my leg was out in the aisle some and with traffic I would uncross and get out of the way, but I think you know what a HUGE deal this is for me. I enjoyed walking out of the plane too with my butt actually fitting down that aisle! Skinny people that have never been obese just wouldn’t understand what a big deal this is! I was in the airport and looking for breakfast and I was starting to get worried. I saw McDonalds, a donut shop, a breakfast wrap restaurant and finally a BBQ with bacon/sausage and eggs. Whew! I’m glad I kept looking. One meal down on this 5 day trip. Only 14 left to go!
julie.ann

julie.ann

12
 

Finally back on the wagon!

It has taken me a while to jump back on the wagon. I have a hurdle to jump (as always) a business trip all next week! Those are tough. I might be ok if I work out every day. I have gotten the sweets and carbs out of my system and now my cravings are gone and it isn't hard to eat supper at 5:00pm and go to bed without eating. I forgot how this felt. I'm so glad I found it again. I have started to losing again. Yay! I have lost 3 lbs this week. I have to keep going. It feels better than I remember. It has been a long 3 month plateau. I am looking at changing my goal weight from 142.5 to 160. That is what I hope to be by Halloween. It is my goal for my halloween challenge. That will also put me at my 1 year Bandiversary. I am about 11 lbs from that now. I don't know if I should change my goal. Maybe I will know by then.   I have lost 114 lbs so far and thrilled to back on the wagon and losing again!!!!
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

When will I be happy with my body?

You know I want to start out by saying that I am going to get a little whiney and for those of you who cannot sympathize with Goal Limbo then you are going to hate this post. But I come here to voice my NSV, my SV and so I will post my whining too.   I will attach a couple of pictures here. These are my 1 year full body pictures. I have my pre-op pics on my profile page if you want to see. I'm not at my home comptuer or I would upload those. I am so very not happy with my body. I'm not talking about the drooping girls in front. I have to expect that after losing 115 lbs. I am talking about my "big" tummy and the fact that from the side I have no waiste. AT ALL! How depressing is that? When I see myself in the mirror and in pictures (which is the real test) I am actually pretty happy with my front view. I have never had to worry about hips like one of my sisters. I am broad acrose the back, but that has gotten more propotionate lately and with my "sucker-inner" as I call my cami-body hugger I don't have a lot of loose looking skin and it help keeps the girls up. (without the sucker-inner it isn't quite as pretty ) From the side I have absolutely no waste. Infact I think my belt in is direct allignment to the girls up top. People at work call me skinny, which doesn't tick me off like it used to when I thought they were kind of making fun of me. I had a girl at work that thought I weighed 130 lbs. Okay that made me wonder if she was making fun of me again, but I don't think she was. I weigh 170 and I told her so, but I am pretty fit and wear a size 11/12. I would LOVE to go down one more size and hit a 9/10 comfortablly. But I digress..... What is wrong with me? What is wrong with my body. I am a short little thing. Only 5'4". I know that makes a big difference in the way I carry my weight. I know that one year ago when I was wearing a size 22/24 I would have swore when I fit into a size 11/12 that I would be estatic with my body. Now all I see is fat when I look at my profile in the mirror. Oh another thing on these pictures is that I still have a !@#$% double chin! WHAT? I thought I got rid of that. I will have to walk around with my nose in the air so that thing isn't as noticable! Oh I know what some of you are thinking....."What is she complaining about? If I could lose that weight I would be so happy I would never complain" Yeah, I hope that is true because it is what I thought a year ago. Maybe this is good. I have been so happy with my weight and my body that I have gone into maintaince mode. I guess maybe I needed to get to point where I am not happy to get my weight loss moving again. I am so frustrated, but on the bright side it makes me want to go to the gym. It is funny when I first hit this weight and this size I thought I looked good. I am starting to see how skinny girls can actually with a straight face say they think they are fat. I always kind of thought that it was a ploy to get attention, but they actually look in the mirror and don't see a nice figure. Oh this sucks. I guess I will ride the rollercoaster, hopefully get a few more pounds off of my body and hope for a waist line. I have to wait another 4 years before my surgery is paid off and I can get a tummy tuck/ lipo and a breast lift. I hope the next four years seem to go as fast as the last one!  
julie.ann

julie.ann

10
 

6 months....94 lbs later...... before and current pics

Today is my 6 month bandiversary! Yeah!!! (throw confettii here) I have lost 94 lbs! WOW! I can't believe it. So I had DH take my picture. I will try to attach it here you you can see them on my profile. I feel like this is such a step. I think partly because I felt like a year after surgery I would be happy and now I am halfway to that goal. I am much happier. I feel good about myself most of the time. I don't like the pictures that I am going to post. I still don't have a clear picture of what I look like. It is like I am wearing some type of sunglasses that block certain colors. I know it doesn't make sense, but I am ready for my mind to catch up.   I do worry. What happens if I get to goal. (Health BMI) and I still see a fat person staring back at me in pictures? I worry about that kind of stuff. It is kind of ironic to me that I am beginning to worry what happens if I lose too much weight. I am a long way from that...but it is out there.   Good luck to all the newly banded, congrats to all that have hit goal and to all of those that are in the middle......let's keep on keeping on!     High/Surgery/Current/Goal 285.5/ 271 / 191.4/ 142.5 Banded - 10/29/08 Four fills - 4.7cc in 10cc band [ [ATTACH]111[/ATTACH][ATTACH]112[/ATTACH]   [ATTACH]115[/ATTACH][ATTACH]116[/ATTACH]
julie.ann

julie.ann

11
 

A journal entry from August.....A flashback from the begining.

I'm sure this is something you have either heard before or have experienced. I am scared of getting banded. Not the surgery or the change in lifestyle, but....what if I don't succeed? Am I hiding behind my limitations and once I have this there is nothing to hide behind? I have lost weight and gained weight and lost it again and found it plus some. I know how to lose weight. I am looking for the tool to help me make this a change of LIFE.     I am thinking that I don't want to tell anyone about it. I don't want people to say, "Yeah, she had surgery. She HAD to have surgery." I think part of it is that I am embarrased to admit that my weight has started to impact my everyday life. From the rare airplane ride that I have started to dread because of the seats and the seatbelts to the difficulty with intimacy with my wonderful sexy husband because I feel too self conscious about myself.   I don't want my kids to know. I guess I feel that I have failed on my own and I need help. A lot of help. I feel like a failure.   Oh please don't be mad at me. I don't feel like everyone that has surgery is a failure. In fact I have been very excited since I made the decision to take this big step. I guess it is the ups and downs of feeling crappy about myself. I recently got together with my sisters and I was the biggest one. Three of us have always been big, but this time I was the grossest. I have been looking at pictures today. At 5'4" and 275lbs of course I look bad. Sometimes you just don't know until you have to look at it. I dress professionally everyday for work, but I can't even cross my legs. I don't feel comfortable just sitting in a chair unles I have a table in front of me to lean on and hide behind. I do feel that some people are less than welcoming to me because of my weight. I want to change that. I want to be able to cross my legs. I want to be able to enjoy traveling because the seats are comfortable. I want to put on clothes and feel good. I want to wear a size 16 or less. How sad it that? I want to wear a size 16. People who wear a size 16 hate that size and feel too big. About 8 years ago I have a thyroid disease and lost weight. I weighed 170 lbs. I desparately want to feel that way again. I want my husband to want to be with me because he finds my sexy, not just because he loves me. (Wow. How many women say just the opposite!) I want my kids to be proud of me. I want to WANT to be in pictures.   I want this surgery more than anything right now. I want to be proud. I want to be healthy. I want to love what I see in pictures.     Well, I had the surgery at the end of October. I have made this a LIFE change so far. I haven't told anyone really except my doc, my hubby and a friend. Intimacy is SO MUCH BETTER!!! I look forward to flying in April for business because I don't worry about the seats and seatbelts. I think I am now the SMALLEST sister although I won't see any of them until I visit them this summer and they don't know yet. I just bought a size 16 pants and I can cross my leggs and frequently do sitting at my desk at work.   I love my band. His name is Band Jovi!:drum:
julie.ann

julie.ann

9
 

Someone mentioned anorexia?!?!?!?

Well I am in Denver for my next fill. I haven't had a fill since April and I have been having a little "last supper syndrom" since I am so open. I know it isn't a good thing, but that is what has been happening. I am just reporting here. I really am ready to get back on the wagon. I have still be working out and so I have been maintaining. I am still within 4 lbs of my lowest. Kind of bouncing around. the same few numbers.   I have a 7 hour drive home from my doctor's appt so I have the "Beck Diet Solution" audio cd pack to listen to. It is a good series/book about learning to "think like a thin person."   I spoke my mom last night for about 2 hours last night on my way do Denver. It was very enlightning. She was telling me a story about a lady she works with that has lost TOO MUCH weight. You know I just surprised my family with my weight loss. I knew what she was getting at. I was complaining about people callingme skinny. I know it sound crazy, but it is a MAJOR pet peeve of mine. That is because I am NOT SKINNY! I may be skinny compared to how I used to look. That just tell me that I used to be really big compared to what I look like now. If I truely was skinny it wouldn't bother me.   Anyway back to my mom's conversation....I keep saying that I want to lose another 35 lbs to give me a healthy BMI. She was bothered by this so I asked her how much she thought I weighed. I am a size 12, and I jsut saw her 2 weeks ago. How much does she think I weigh? I told her that I weigh what I did when I graduated from high school and we all know I was overweight at that time. She didn't believe that I weigh the same as when I graduated.   She guessed my weight at 155#! No wonder she was worried when I said I wanted to lose another 35 lbs. I told her (and I don't tell many that aren't on this site) that I weigh 180#. Hello!!!! 180! Yes I am happy that I have lost as much weight as I have lost, but it isn't like I weigh anything close to 155. I know when I graduated and weighed 180# I wore a size 16-18 jeans. I work out and really try to concentrate on my abs, but I told her I don't know how I weigh this much am as trim as I am. (I am only 5'4") but if more people think i weigh around 155 then no wonder they look at me like I am crazy. I don't get that. I think they are blind. I had someone ask me if I was going to become anorexic! OMG! People I weigh 180 pounds! Far from anorexic! It was only 20 lbs ago that I was over 200.   Anyway. Just putting things on paper to try to wrap my head around things. Is my brain screwed on wrong? I know I can't go just by the scale, but 180 is no where near where I want to be. Even 160 would make me "pee my pants" happy! I don't know if I'll ever get there. (This what my driver's license says!:thumbup:)   I can't wait to get my next fill today and see where this takes me.
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

My First Fill....Strange!

12/5/08 My first fill! Yeah! What a ton of weird feelings. I never had anyone walk me through what it was like to have a fill, so I am going to put it down here. Well first I should say that Dr. Kirshenbaum is the one that did my fill and every doctor is probably different. So I went in and they weighed me. I don’t mind getting on the scale as long as the numbers are going down. I went into the exam room and there was a sonogram machine on one side of the table. So I laid down on the exam table and the doctor came in and felt for my port. No problem. That was easy. He cleaned my tummy with alcohol and then betadine. He asked if I was ready and after I said yes her poked me with the syringe. It didn’t hurt at all. He worked on getting all the air out of the syringe/needle. I had a little stinging sensation a couple of times, but I think that was either the saline hitting the inside of the port or from the needle being in where I’m not used to having a needle. J He had 2 syringes. One had 1.7 of saline in it and the other had like 2.5 of saline. He put the 1.7 in my band and then had me stand up. So now I have a needle sticking out of my tummy. Yeah it was as weird as it seemed! I drank some water without any problem. So now he puts more saline in and says drink some more water. OMG! I it just stayed in my pouch. Just sat there! It felt so strange. I wanted to cough it up or something. He took out about .5cc and then no problem. Now we did the dance. He put in .4cc and I took a drink and there was a definite hesitation in my pouch and then a tiny burp down there and it drained. He took out .2cc and I could drink and a tiny hesitation and then it drained. He took out .1cc and no hesitation now. I can drink and it was just fine. 2.8cc for my first fill. I know the number is arbitrary, but still nice to know. I took food with me so I didn’t have to worry about what I was going to eat. It has been a habit that has been working pretty well. Even if DH and kids eat at McDonalds I have something to eat. So anyway I had some cottage cheese and chicken salad. No problem. I went to TGI Fridays and had a grilled chicken breast. Small mindful bites and no problem. I can’t believe that .10cc more and I would be too tight. That is only a couple of drops of saline. Amazing. I guess the band is much touchier than I thought. I think some doctors have set amounts for fill. (.5 for each one or something.) I’m glad Dr. K isn’t like that. Fill till restriction then pull back just enough. Sounds good to me. Oh then he pulled out the syringe. WEIRD!!!!! No pain though. I will go back January 9th for my second fill. I even got to meet someone from lapbandtalk.com! That was cool too. The girls in the office today recommended this thrift store for cheap in-between jeans. So I look for jeans and I finally see this one pair of petite jeans. There were a size 18P Sonoma brand for $4 so I thought I would get them and they can be a goal. I started in a size 22 and they are baggy, but my only jeans so I wore them today. So I just got home from Denver (7 hr drive) and I hold them up and say to myself that there is NO WAY, but I'll try and see how far I get...they will be my first pair of "goal jeans". Guess what...yep! THEY FIT!!!! Not comfy enough to lounge around the house, but I can wear them out if I want to. WOW! What a day. My first fill and this!
julie.ann

julie.ann

8
 

My favorite Band Friendly Foods...

1-25-09     Some of my favorite foods!   Sizzlin Chicken and Cheese (Inspired by the dish of the same name at TGI Friday's)   Saute pepper and onion strips in EVOO Spray Chicken Breast grilled or pre-grilled and warmed melt 2 pieces of american cheese on top. Takes about 10-15 minutes to from chopping veggies to eating if using pre-grilled chicken.   Excellent! Full meal! ------------------------- Quick and easy chicken salad. 1 can of chicken 2-3 tblsp light miracle whip 2-3 tblsp sweet relish garlic pepper to taste Mix it all and refridgerate until needed. Makes TWO servings. This is a main dish for me. It takes about 3 minutes to make. I take it to work. ------------------------------------------   Cold Turkey Mix 3 oz turkey breast - I like it refrigerated ½ cup cottage cheese ¼ cup frozen peas – thawed. Mix all together and enjoy. Mixing the textures helps the turkey breast go down easier. It might sound gross, but I LOVE IT!!! And it is so healthy! Hormel Roast Beef - great stuff. On package has about 3.5 servings. Sometimes I have a side of veggies with it and sometimes I mix it with cottage cheese like above. ----------------------------------------------   Stuffed Chicken Breast from walmart Sam’s Choice brand They have different kinds. I really like the artichoke and spinach or the pepper jack cheese and bacon or the swiss cheese and jalapanos. It has 230-270 calories, 7-8 carbs and 30-35 protein. It is enough for an entire meal. It fills me up! -----------------------------------------   Chili Dogs – Super Bowl is coming!!!   2 97% Fat Free Hebrew National Hot Dogs 3 Tblsp Chili dog sauce – Great Value Brand   I just heat it in the Microwave.
julie.ann

julie.ann

7
 

I'm almost too tired to celebrate.....

11/13/08     I’m really tired today. I only got about 2 ½ hours of sleep last night. I am ready for bed but I thought I would stop by and put some things down. I am so tired I couldn’t even jump up and down. I am down. The scale….or at least the Wii Fit tells me I have lost almost 30lbs. That has been since my pre-op diet. I have to admit I am kind of let down that no one at work has noticed my 30 pound weight loss. I keep telling myself that one day I will be able to say I lost 70 lbs. That’s almost half of my goal. My family lives half way across the country. I haven’t said anything to them. Not even that I have lost any weight. I figure when it really becomes noticeable ( probably after 40 or 50 lbs) it will be hard to keep it from them unless I ask my other family to keep it a secret from them for a surprise. I thought if I could keep it from them until I am in onederland I would celebrate and reward myself with a surprise weekend trip to see them. So I am now trying to concentrate on eating like a bandster. I have to eat my protein first and then my filler of veggies and such. I say I don’t have restriction but I know when I eat too much and I can get full on 3 oz of protein and 1 – 1½ cup of a side dish. My problem has become being bored with what I am eating. I have been eating Jennie-O turkey breast. I just found some Hormel Beef Roast au jus. It is really good and has about 3 servings per package. It is really easy to heat in the microwave. I am going to have to really work on adding variety to my diet so I don’t get bored and stray. My first fill is less than two weeks away. I can’t wait. It would be nice to have this be a least a little easier. Well I better get to sleep. Good night. I wish well to all of my fellow bandsters.
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

OMG! Getting stuck is not for sissys!!! And not for me!!!

1-28-09 I got stuck. I don’t mean my weight. I’m talking about my chicken breast I made for supper. If you have never had anything S-T-U-C-K then I can’t even begin to tell you how horrible and miserable it is!!!!! I have done some small time sliming in the past, but tonight was the first time I did any PBing (productive belching). I couldn’t have imagined what that was like! When I have slimed in the past I would have some belching trying to move that piece of whatever (usually meat) down to my stomach. This time I might have a tiny belch and all this slime would come up and I couldn’t control it. I can’t believe how much would come up around the chicken I had stuck. BLAH!!!!! It took about 80 minutes to get past it. I couldn’t believe all of the sudden it passed and I was okay. My throat is still sore. I’m going to take it easy. Needless to say I didn’t eat supper tonight. I followed that ordeal with a protein shake and a couple of pieces of cheese latter on. I wanted to keep things liquid or soft. I also didn’t make it to the gym tonight because of this. I was going to go after I finished supper. I guess tonight supper finished me. This morning I was starting my metabolism up about with a Morningstar sausage. I a bite that was a tiny bit too big and it slowed me down. I started thinking maybe my fill from 2 1/2 weeks ago started working and tightening me up. I've always been tighter in the evening....I guess so! I hope I never do something stupid enough to make me feel like that again!!!! :cheatfree:
julie.ann

julie.ann

7
 

The other side of the ticker....

I am close to ONEderland. I have lost over 80 lbs and that is great, but I am starting to look at the other side of the ticker. I finally have less than 60 bls to loose to make it to goal. 50-something is a great thought when you start with 140 on that side! I also see this as an amazing accomplishment to get to the point in my journey that I start to look at the goal and not getting 25% to goal or 50% to goal. I'm sure I will celebrate ONEderland (hopefully next week) and I think I will treat myself to a manicure when I get to the century mark. The small goals I set for myself are great but this is a milestone I didn't anticipate and it is a great surprise! I know I am still months and months away from goal, but I am starting to feel like it is something I can accomplish and this is the first time that I really started to feel that way. It was just arbitrary goal. A couple of days a go a friend said "Another 60 lbs? Really?" I said well that is a healthy BMI. What should my goal be? He couldn't really argue with that. If I get down to 165 that will be awesome and losing anything more than that will be gravy. I hope I can get to 142.5 That will be half of what I used to weigh and that is my goal. I always say "Aim high if you want to accomplish great things!"       Banded 10-29-08 Dr. Kirshenbaum Denver, CO Self Pay - $9950
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

I'm dreaming of Plastic Surgery....

I know someday I will get PS, but I have another 4 1/2 years until I have my lapband surgery paid off so I will have to wait until then unless something else happens.:thumbup: Depressing to know that it will be 5 years before I can get this extra skin taken care of and my breast will keep sagging until then too. I want the headlights back on bright instead of pointing to my toes. I think I would even be happy with my body now if I could have PS. I think I would be able to fit into a size 10 then (I am wearing a size 12 now) and I never even thought about wearing a size smaller than that. I remember wanting to wear a size 16 and couldn't imagine fitting into a size 14. (Don't get me wrong I would rather have extra skin than 100 xtra pounds!!!!)   I am getting to the point where I can tell a difference in my shoulders and face. I look in the mirror now and think, "Wow! Is that me?" I think my double chin has practiaclly dissapeared and I have cheek bones. I even wore a tank top when I went golfing with my hubby yesterday!!! That is a NSV! :w00t:   While lying in bed last night on my side my hubby started to "caress" (for lack of a better word) my hip bone. Not like when I started to feel my hip bone when I tried, but it is really THERE! I was kind of complaining about being fat last month and DH tapped my rib cage. I told him that hurt and I rubbed the spot and he said, 'That's because I hit bone, not soft stuff." It kind of surprised me that he was right. :biggrin: Another NSV.....I like the way I look in my swimsuit. Now don't get me wrong, I don't have a two piece or anything. It is a solid one piece with a little skirt, but I feel good in it! Who would have ever thought. :eek:   This week end has been a bad one for me. I am dealing with a lot with my daughter and I used food. I will be okay. Weekends are the hardest for me. I will be back on track starting now and the scale will keep moving. [ATTACH]126[/ATTACH][ATTACH]127[/ATTACH]   High /Surgery/Current/Goal 285.5/ 271 / 182.8/ 142.5 Banded - 10/29/08 Four fills - 4.7cc/10cc
julie.ann

julie.ann

8
 

ONEderland in less than 6 months!!!

April 4, 2009 Well the day is here! It is time to do the ONEderland Happy Dance!!!! I can’t believe it!!! I want to scream it to the heavens! I had this grand goal to hit it by April 1st. It happened a few days late, but who am I to complain? I just can’t believe it! In under 6 months I have gone from 285lbs to 199lbs. I just can’t believe it! My next goal is to get to the century mark and lose 100 lbs. That is about 15 lbs and my next goal is Memorial Day. I have big news on top of that. I shared my experience with a friend. This sounds like a small thing, but it isn’t for me. I have a 7 hour drive one way for a fill and I asked a friend to go with me. About 45 minutes into the drive I told her why we were headed out to Denver. I was very nervous about sharing with someone else. I’m not ready for everyone to know. I guess I am more ready than I have been in the past because it isn’t a question of whether or not I will be successful. She told me that sooner or later people or going to start to wonder if I had something done because usually people plateau and I haven’t yet. She might have a point, but have to tell people on my terms when I am ready. She even came back and saw me get a fill. I did get a fill yesterday. I was on the fence about whether or not to get one. I have been doing pretty good. I was surprised that I needed 0.6cc. Everything went down without a hitch after that….water, lunch, supper. No problem and we will see how things set in about 10 days when the fill takes effect. I still find it funny that it takes that long to kick in. Well this fat girl will keep doing the happy dance all day and someday I might realize that I’m not the fat girl I used to be. I still have a long way to go, but I’m not sure when my head will catch up with my weight.
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

Doing better....at least with the exercise.

I am doing better. Are you ready for this? I have RAN/WALKED to the gym twice in the past week. That is huge for me because that gets 1 1/2 miles in one way....work out with weights and then 1 1/2 miles home. That has been a good way for me to get my cardio in. It addes time to my gym time, but if I can find the time it is a good thing. Eating is doing okay. I still have been having problems with sweets. My jeans (one size up from my smallest) is getting baggy on me again. TY!!!!! but I have gained a lbs. Well a smaller body with better muscle tone, I guess I will take it and hope that if I am more careful with sweets I'll not only see the work from the way my clothes fit, but also on the scale too. Still working at it. Always working at it. Worth it when you feel great about how you look AND fit into a smaller size.
julie.ann

julie.ann

0
 

Hello World...I'm back...with a new goal.

Hello all, It has been so long that I'm sure no one knows me or remembers me. That is okay. I need to be here. Hello...my name is Julie and I have a problem. Now that you know my name I need to share more about me. It isn't that I want to be here (althought I love this place!) it is that I need to be here!   I was banded in October of 2008. I weighed 285.5 starting my pre-op. I lost 14 lbs the 2 weeks prior to surgery and I lost 115 total in the year after I started this journey. In January we put our daughter in a Christian based residential program and I had to get another (week-end night) job to pay for it. Being the emotional eater that I am I gained 20 lbs. Wow! That sounds like a huge amount doesn't it? I guess it is. In the past few weeks I have lost about 5 lbs so that puts me up 15 from my lowest, down 100# from my highest and 30# away from my goal that I want to get to before I get a tummy tuck. I can't afford a tummy tuck right now, but I have to get down to that weight and should be there a year before the surgery so I better get started now.   I have started a new ticker....one that starts today and shows that I need to lose 30.5# to get to my P.S. goal. I have done better getting back to the gym. I don't have to work my weedend night job through the summer. I got a new job working from home and traveling so it will be a whole different set of challenges. It's got to be better than trying not to each when you are awake for 24 hrs straight!   3 goals for me to start with: 1. KEEP TRACK OF WHAT I EAT ON SPARK PEOPLE!!! (I think this is my best tool with the exception of the band!) 2. Cardio 3 times a week for 30 minutes. ( I have been lifting weights and I can't seem to lose # when I lift, only inches) 3. Eat only when I am hungry. Solid protein first. The good eating habits will fall into line if I can just get back to the basics.     I have to keep my eye on the goal. I am VERY goal oriented. So here I go. I hope to be back often. High /Surgery/Current/Goal 285.5/ 271 / 185.5/142.5 Banded - 10/29/08 Five fills - 5.9 cc/10cc 1 Unfil 5.65cc/10cc   Read My Blog: My Secret Journey
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

My first of many NSV (Non-scale victories!)

11/9/08 I’ve already begun to pull clothes out of my closet I haven’t worn in years. And that started just a week post-op and continues. I can’t believe it. I am already ….um…..more comfortable with my husband. Okay that was kind of weird putting that down. I’ve moved to weighing myself on the Wii Fit. It says that I’ve lost a total of 27 lbs and I’ve got from a BMI of 49 to 44.11. That is amazing! I was embarrassed of my BMI even on the boards, but I feel more “normal” for a new bandster now. I’ve upped my calories to 1000-1200 per day. I think that is where I need to be to keep the weight moving and I plan to start back to the gym this week. I haven’t gone to the gym regularly since about May. I hope that will jump start my weight loss even more. I still worry about my port and band and I can’t wait until my first fill. Not just for the fill but to be reassured that everything is ok with my port and band. I don’t know what I will do if I need a revision. Self pay means I definitely have to worry about that stuff!
julie.ann

julie.ann

7
 

What does my band do for me?

1-13-09   What does my band do for me? That is what I have been asking myself lately. Everyone at work, everywhere I go, asks me how much weight I have lost. Oh it was great at first to have people notice, but now it is all the time and of course the question follows.   How are you doing it?   I tell them I am doing what I am supposed to. I am eating healthy, watching my portions and exercising. That is absolutely true. That is not a lie at all. So that has made me ask myself what the band is doing for me. I know it is doing a lot. I don’t mean to say that it isn’t. I just need to know how the band is working for me. 1. The band reminds me to take smaller bites. If I don’t take small bites things get stuck and I start to slime. That isn’t fun. Today I had roast beef and I started to slime. If I mix textures I don’t really have a lot of trouble. I mixed cottage cheese with my roast beef. I know it sounds gross, but I really like it. After I mixed the two I didn’t have ANY problems, even with a little bigger bites. Not too big though. 2. The band helps me to get full faster. Since my second fill I eat about 1 cup of food before I get full. 3. If I eat too much the band reminds me that I can’t do that! That means chest pain and feeling crappy! 4. The band curbs hunger almost to the point that I can ignore it if I get busy. I don’t starve myself. I eat three meals a day, but if I am busy and don’t eat for an hour after I start to get hungry it really doesn’t bother me. I am more susceptible to eating poorly if I wait too long and don’t plan ahead. That’s it. That is what the band does for me. What I mean is that there are things that the band doesn’t do for me. 1. It doesn’t buy healthy food and throw out all the crappy food. 2. It doesn’t keep track of what I eat. 3. It doesn’t keep me from stopping and getting ice cream or a milkshake or other high calorie food that would slip right through the band. 4. It doesn’t drive me to the gym. 5. It doesn’t make me step on the scale and be accountable. I work hard for what is happening. I am thankful for the band. I am thankful that I did this now instead of later. I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I guess that is what I will keep telling everyone when they ask. This is my journey, my decision to keep it secret and when I succeed it will be MY SUCCESS!
julie.ann

julie.ann

12
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