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About this blog

This is my journal towards weight loss. This is where I can come and put everything out there. I have kept my decision to myself. The only person besides my doctor that know is my husband. (I finally told my best friend too!) My kids know I had surge

Entries in this blog

 

Why are NEGATIVE comments easier for some people to make?

1/3/09 I can’t believe it has been so long since I’ve posted. Well my family did come. The entire first day no one said ANYTHING about my weight loss. After 45 pounds gone and not one word! DH tried telling me they were just too tired to. I couldn’t believe it. About noon the next day dad said something. Then they said oh, yea they noticed right away. I asked why if I gain 2 lbs on they apologize and asked if I gained weight. It goes something like “I’m sorry, I know you don’t want me to ask, but have you gain weight?” HELLO! :crying:When I asked why they make negative comments so quickly about my weight, but not positive comments my mom seemed kind of set back and honestly said I was right. :thumbup: This is how we grew up. Looking back I wasn’t BIG growing up. In high school I was heavy, but not big. My grandma would tell us we were so big and overweight and needed to eat less and exercise and my parents seem to agree by omission. They never stuck up for us. I’m not saying I am the perfect mom. I have to work at not making comments about my daughter’s weight. She is overweight, but not big. Kind of like me. I don’t want her to follow in my footsteps. I work at saying positive things and biting my tongue when a stupid comment wants to slip out. Sometimes they do. I’m not perfect, but I apologize for saying something so stupid. Anyway….I am finally off of the stupid plateau that stuck around for two weeks.:thumbdown: I know Christmas/New Years snacking didn’t help matters much. I am down 47# I hope to lose another 3 to make it an even 50 by the time I get a fill on Friday. I would like to have lost 100# by my birthday in June. Getting to onderland will be great too! If I lose 2 #/week I will be there by May. If I lose 3#/week I can be there in April. I hope the plateaus go away till then. I think part of my problem was that 45# seemed like such a big number for me to lose and I am feeling good about myself that I started to think I could ease up a little. I guess it isn’t a bad thing to slip off the wagon every now and then. I have to find my commitment and I think getting of the plateau will do it. I promised myself no matter what I ate or how little I worked out I wouldn’t skip a day on the scale. I know weighing in daily isn’t for everyone, but it helps to keep me accountable. At 8:00pm at night when I’m not hungry, but want to snack the thought of getting on my Wii Fit and weighing myself at 6:30 in the moring helps to keep me honest. I also see how my actions affect my goals. I like the Wii Fit because it graphs it all out and tells me my BMI. I don’t work out on it much because I have been hitting the gym every day that I can. Some weeks that is only 3 or 4 times and every once in a while I get there 5 times. I have started a Valentine’s Day challenge and have set 15# as my goal. Someone on one of my groups make the comment about size 9 in ’09. :scared2:That seems like a HUGE goal to set since I haven’t worn that since jr. high. (I guess…I really don’t remember wearing that small of a size.) I have always told my kids if you want to succeed then you have to aim high. If I hit my goal this year I will fit into that size 9! Good luck to everyone and I hope each of you reach your 2009 goals!
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

When will I be happy with my body?

You know I want to start out by saying that I am going to get a little whiney and for those of you who cannot sympathize with Goal Limbo then you are going to hate this post. But I come here to voice my NSV, my SV and so I will post my whining too.   I will attach a couple of pictures here. These are my 1 year full body pictures. I have my pre-op pics on my profile page if you want to see. I'm not at my home comptuer or I would upload those. I am so very not happy with my body. I'm not talking about the drooping girls in front. I have to expect that after losing 115 lbs. I am talking about my "big" tummy and the fact that from the side I have no waiste. AT ALL! How depressing is that? When I see myself in the mirror and in pictures (which is the real test) I am actually pretty happy with my front view. I have never had to worry about hips like one of my sisters. I am broad acrose the back, but that has gotten more propotionate lately and with my "sucker-inner" as I call my cami-body hugger I don't have a lot of loose looking skin and it help keeps the girls up. (without the sucker-inner it isn't quite as pretty ) From the side I have absolutely no waste. Infact I think my belt in is direct allignment to the girls up top. People at work call me skinny, which doesn't tick me off like it used to when I thought they were kind of making fun of me. I had a girl at work that thought I weighed 130 lbs. Okay that made me wonder if she was making fun of me again, but I don't think she was. I weigh 170 and I told her so, but I am pretty fit and wear a size 11/12. I would LOVE to go down one more size and hit a 9/10 comfortablly. But I digress..... What is wrong with me? What is wrong with my body. I am a short little thing. Only 5'4". I know that makes a big difference in the way I carry my weight. I know that one year ago when I was wearing a size 22/24 I would have swore when I fit into a size 11/12 that I would be estatic with my body. Now all I see is fat when I look at my profile in the mirror. Oh another thing on these pictures is that I still have a !@#$% double chin! WHAT? I thought I got rid of that. I will have to walk around with my nose in the air so that thing isn't as noticable! Oh I know what some of you are thinking....."What is she complaining about? If I could lose that weight I would be so happy I would never complain" Yeah, I hope that is true because it is what I thought a year ago. Maybe this is good. I have been so happy with my weight and my body that I have gone into maintaince mode. I guess maybe I needed to get to point where I am not happy to get my weight loss moving again. I am so frustrated, but on the bright side it makes me want to go to the gym. It is funny when I first hit this weight and this size I thought I looked good. I am starting to see how skinny girls can actually with a straight face say they think they are fat. I always kind of thought that it was a ploy to get attention, but they actually look in the mirror and don't see a nice figure. Oh this sucks. I guess I will ride the rollercoaster, hopefully get a few more pounds off of my body and hope for a waist line. I have to wait another 4 years before my surgery is paid off and I can get a tummy tuck/ lipo and a breast lift. I hope the next four years seem to go as fast as the last one!  
julie.ann

julie.ann

10
 

What is wrong?!?!? Stretched Pouch?!?!

As you can see by my stats below in the last 5 months I have really done pretty well. I am NOT complaining about my progress at all. My concern is that although I usually don't eat any more than 1 1/2 cups of food I am worried about having a stretched pouch. I have in the past month or so eaten pizza twice and I am shocked by how much I can eat. I know I shouldn't eat it and I usually do VERY WELL by today I ate about half of a red barron thin crust pizza. That shouldn't happen. I can feel that I ate too much, but not like I felt in the begining. No pain. Just a full feeling. I don't get hungry too often. Every 4-5 hours. I eat 3 meals a day and rarely have a snack. My biggest problem has been constipation, but being able to eat this much without much fight from my band worries me. I thought I just needed a fill to help me get full faster, but after eating so much I am wondering if that isn't the problem.   I have heard that a liquid diet for a week or so can shrink a slightly stretched pouch. I'm thinking about trying this for the next 4 days or so. I know you may think I should run to my doctor. I have a fill in 3 weeks and I thought I really needed it. Keep in mind I live 7 hours away from my doctor.   Please give me your feedback. __________________ High/Surgery/Current/Goal 285.5/ 271 / 207.0/ 142 Banded - 10/29/08 Three fills - 4.1cc in 10cc band   April 1st Challenge
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

What does my band do for me?

1-13-09   What does my band do for me? That is what I have been asking myself lately. Everyone at work, everywhere I go, asks me how much weight I have lost. Oh it was great at first to have people notice, but now it is all the time and of course the question follows.   How are you doing it?   I tell them I am doing what I am supposed to. I am eating healthy, watching my portions and exercising. That is absolutely true. That is not a lie at all. So that has made me ask myself what the band is doing for me. I know it is doing a lot. I don’t mean to say that it isn’t. I just need to know how the band is working for me. 1. The band reminds me to take smaller bites. If I don’t take small bites things get stuck and I start to slime. That isn’t fun. Today I had roast beef and I started to slime. If I mix textures I don’t really have a lot of trouble. I mixed cottage cheese with my roast beef. I know it sounds gross, but I really like it. After I mixed the two I didn’t have ANY problems, even with a little bigger bites. Not too big though. 2. The band helps me to get full faster. Since my second fill I eat about 1 cup of food before I get full. 3. If I eat too much the band reminds me that I can’t do that! That means chest pain and feeling crappy! 4. The band curbs hunger almost to the point that I can ignore it if I get busy. I don’t starve myself. I eat three meals a day, but if I am busy and don’t eat for an hour after I start to get hungry it really doesn’t bother me. I am more susceptible to eating poorly if I wait too long and don’t plan ahead. That’s it. That is what the band does for me. What I mean is that there are things that the band doesn’t do for me. 1. It doesn’t buy healthy food and throw out all the crappy food. 2. It doesn’t keep track of what I eat. 3. It doesn’t keep me from stopping and getting ice cream or a milkshake or other high calorie food that would slip right through the band. 4. It doesn’t drive me to the gym. 5. It doesn’t make me step on the scale and be accountable. I work hard for what is happening. I am thankful for the band. I am thankful that I did this now instead of later. I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I guess that is what I will keep telling everyone when they ask. This is my journey, my decision to keep it secret and when I succeed it will be MY SUCCESS!
julie.ann

julie.ann

12
 

Too much food = chest pain!

Oh, I just ate too much for supper. I worked pizza into my nutrition for the day. I am still under 1100 calories. It has been so long since I ate too much that I forgot about the chest pain that goes along with that. Just a little tonight, but I wish I still didn't remember it..... I worked out 5 days this week so I did a half a workout to day (my 5th day). I am feeling pretty good. The scale said that I gained a little today. That doesn't really happen too often, but lost like 2.5 lbs the day before so I expected a small rebound. I do worry about gaining and what that would do to my psyche. So far so good. I eat when I am hungry. I am not doing low carb, but I am not doing high carb either. I really watch it pretty close. If I start looking for food I ask myself if my stomach is empty...if I am hungry. If not I don't eat. I get about 800 calories a day with maybe 2 days a week getting up to 1000-1100 calories. I know it doesn't sound like much...but I am being very careful. Protien first for every meal. I am addicted to cottage cheese. I know soft food, but I love it.   My favorite meals include: 1. my quick chicken salad (200 cal) and a side 2. 3 oz of turkey breast (I measure all my protein) 1/2c cottage cheese (4% - the good stuff) and 1/4 c peas Mixed all together. (350 calories) 3. 2 Hebrew National 97% fat free hot dogs cut up and 3 tblsp. of Great Value Brand hot dog chili sauce. ( 150 calories total) 4. Egg Beaters are a staple for my breakfast. Usually 3/4cup of southwestern. (90 calories) (I have changed my breakfast to a morning star sausage patty and 1/4 cup egg beaters. I had to put in some solid protein to make it last until lunch! edited 12/31/08)   There are some of my favorites. I usually get 70-120 gms of protein a day and 30-50 gms of carbs a day.   I can't wait for my next fill. 3 weeks from today! :rolleyes2:
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

Three Month Bandiversary!!!

Have you seen a big girl do a happy dance? Okay......Honestly I am saving that for onderland celebration, but guess what I hit today!   WOW 60 pounds gone!!!! YAY!!!:cheatfree:   Oh yeah...today is my 3 month bandiversary!:cheatfree:  
julie.ann

julie.ann

7
 

Three days post-op

11/01/08 1030: Today is better so far. I had some runny oatmeal. Maybe a ¼ cup at the most. I am still trying to drink protein drinks because protein helps with healing. I am going to work hard to get my water in today. I weighed myself and finally have all the water weight off from the hospital. I was wondering how long it would take to lose that. I am down 3 lbs since surgery 3 days ago. I haven’t been able to get many calories in. I am trying. I had to take my scopolamine patch off so I am hoping that I won’t have any nausea. I have my zofran if I need it. I am not going to worry so much about what I eat except to try to keep protein going in. My shoulder is only giving me a few pains. I hope I have gotten over the worst. It seems it gets worse when I eat or drink. 1400: Okay….so now I have a new question. When will I go? I guess this is a problem that many bandsters have. I took liquid colace on the 30th. I took mom the same day. I used Miralax on the 31st and another dose of mom today. I am passing gass. That is good, but I would be much happier if I would just go. I DO NOT want to end up with problems because of this. 1630: I almost passed out in Walmart. Luckily I leaned against a wall and was able to breath through it. I don’t know if it is dehydrations or too little calories. Probably the calories. I haven’t been able to get above 300 cal yet. Maybe today. 1930: Ok now I feel better about the plumbing and I will take some lortab before bed.
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

This is why I had surgery!!!!

So here I go with more NSV. Why am I writing about these? Well I have come to accept that there will be a day that I don’t remember what it felt like to be where I am right now. I have stated to forget how it actually felt to be where I was 6 months ago. I remember the things I had to do (position pillows to get comfortable to sleep, ask for a window seat on the plane so I could smash myself up against the side and not take up too much room, buy 5x shirts because I wanted them loose and baggy) but not how if felt to roll over in bed and I remember the tears I cried after being intimate with my husband but not how embarrassed I was with my body, even with a man that always told me I was beautiful and he loved me. I’m writing this down so that when I get to place that I need motivation I will have it in my own words.   So on with the story. I walked into Maurice’s yesterday to look for some cute jeans. That would be different than just looking for jeans that fit. It is much more fun to look for cute jeans. Anyway I walked into our local Maurice’s that has regular sizes and plus sizes. The size 4, teenage sales girl asked me if she could help me and I told her that I was jean shopping and she pointed to the REGULAR size side of the store and started telling me what was on sale. Ok…do I need to point out that she did not ask me what size I wore or tell me what was on sale on the plus size side or even glance in that direction. I couldn’t believe it. I stood there for a second reveling in the moment. If I would have stood there any longer I could tell she was getting ready to ask me if I needed something else. It was FABULOUS!!!! I have decided that I am officially out of the plus size stores. :smile2: Ok so I tried on the flare leg and those are always too tight on my big old thighs. No surprise there, but when I tried on a looser fit, stretch low rise, (low rise…..H-E-L-L-O-!-!-!) :eek:I was absolutely overwhelmed to see that the size 13/14 was about too big. I checked the tag thinking I grabbed the wrong ones, or it was marked wrong. I didn’t even try on the 15/16. I would have gone to a size 11/12 (!!!!) but I didn’t like the wash on them. They looked too young for this old mom. My 15yr old daughter was with me and liked them but agreed that maybe they were too young of a style. Well I walked out of the store without jeans, but I was not bothered in the least. I was on cloud nine! Ok so I know you might think that alone would be enough to get through the next month or so…but there is MORE!   Today I am on my way to a conference. I haven’t flown for 7 months. So just to recap I had surgery about 6 months ago and have lost 90 lbs…..Do you see where I am going with this? Okay so first I got on the little plane (one seat on one side and 2 on the other) and I was able to walk down the aisle facing completely forward. No turning in the aisle to fit my too wide body down it. I was smiling and I’m sure if anyone was watching me and not asleep at 6:00am they would have wondered what the deal was with my sly little smile. :tongue2: So I found my seat and sat down and I didn’t have any arm rest cutting into my thighs. I put my bag under the seat and buckled my seatbelt and had about 8 inches to spare! Before it would have been at the largest setting and probably would have been uncomfortable on this tiny plane. So I wanted to grab a blanket and I unbuckled my belt and got up and got one and sat down and rebuckled and then I realized I didn’t grab a pillow and I jumped up again and rebuckled without any major production. I couldn’t believe it. So the plane wasn’t very full and about ¾ way through the flight I ….. CROSSED MY LEGS! :tongue:Yep you heard me. Now I will admit that my leg was out in the aisle some and with traffic I would uncross and get out of the way, but I think you know what a HUGE deal this is for me. I enjoyed walking out of the plane too with my butt actually fitting down that aisle! Skinny people that have never been obese just wouldn’t understand what a big deal this is! I was in the airport and looking for breakfast and I was starting to get worried. I saw McDonalds, a donut shop, a breakfast wrap restaurant and finally a BBQ with bacon/sausage and eggs. Whew! I’m glad I kept looking. One meal down on this 5 day trip. Only 14 left to go!
julie.ann

julie.ann

12
 

The Reveal....

Well some of you "old timers" might remember me from nine months ago when I was a brand new bandster. I decided to keep my decision to have lap band surgery a secret...FROM EVERYONE! I have lost 108 lbs. Along my journey so far I have told a few people. It took months for me to tell my best friend. At 5 month post-op I told another friend and then a few co-workers. I have not told my family. Not only did I not tell them that I had surgery, but I did not tell them that I lost weight. I thought that I would surprise them....and I certainly did! I live in Kansas and my family lives in Florida. I just got back last night (Fade to black....cue flashback.....)   All by myself I got off the plane and primped in the bathroom. My baby brother picked me up. He is 25 years old. Ten years younger than I am. I couldn't believe how nervous I was!!!! He was on his way and I stood outside the airport waiting for him. There was this couple that looked very kind and I asked if they would mind taking a picture of my brother because I have lost alot of weight and he won't recognize me. He doesn't even suspect it. So he called and said he was pulling up. I asked if he saw the lady in the black and white shirt with the red purse. He did and I told him to pull up in front of her and I would come out. He got out and started to come into the airport to help me with my bags. He turned to that lady with the red purse looked her straight in the face and gave a polite smile and nodded and kept on walking. That lady just smiled stared and turned to watch him walk away. He saw her turn towards him out of the corner of his eye and knew he was being watched and so he turned back. The lady with the red purse started laughing and his jaw dropped and slowly his mouth turned into a big O. That lady was me, his sister that he hadn't seen in a year!!!   I just laughed and he said "I haven't seen you look like that since you were in high school!" That would have put him in 2nd grade!   So my baby sister was surprised and said very calmly, "Oh my goodness!" and gave me a hug. I was sitting on her bed holding her new, 3 week old daughter when my parents came in. I hadn't thought about how to do this. So they walked into the bedroom and dad smiled at me like I was some friend of my sisters that he didn't know and my mom walked in and I started to laugh and that gave it away. Mom kept saying "Oh my gosh! Wow! You look great!" She said it about 5 times. Dad recognized me too when I started to laugh and he gave me a big smile.   We were sitting in my sister's bedroom and dad just kept staring at me. I pretended like I didn't notice, but he was staring and it was great. My other two sisters just said "Wow! You look great." Again they were very calm.   It was AWESOME and then I could post new pics of myself on facebook because I had even been avoiding that to keep from spoiling the surprise. I just can't tell you how exciting it was!   I gained 3.5 pounds on my vacation. Guess what? It was a vacation. Nothing to beat myself up about. I couldn't wait to get back to the gym now and I am ready to start losing again!   I have really opened up when I was on vacation. I even at a pretzel! My sisters couldn't apprieciate that like all of you can. A week ago I never could have gotten a pretzel down. I still have GREAT hunger control with the band and so I am going to hold out and see how I do with this and get a fill if I don't do well the next few weeks, but I am not really worried. I know I have my band and my band loves me.   I am HOPING that my family, especially my dad will want to get banded. My older and one younger sister could loose 75-125 lbs (Dad too), but I don't know if it is something they will consider. I would be so happy for them if they did!.   I can't attach my new picture I had taken because it is too big, but I will try to upload it to my album.
julie.ann

julie.ann

8
 

The other side of the ticker....

I am close to ONEderland. I have lost over 80 lbs and that is great, but I am starting to look at the other side of the ticker. I finally have less than 60 bls to loose to make it to goal. 50-something is a great thought when you start with 140 on that side! I also see this as an amazing accomplishment to get to the point in my journey that I start to look at the goal and not getting 25% to goal or 50% to goal. I'm sure I will celebrate ONEderland (hopefully next week) and I think I will treat myself to a manicure when I get to the century mark. The small goals I set for myself are great but this is a milestone I didn't anticipate and it is a great surprise! I know I am still months and months away from goal, but I am starting to feel like it is something I can accomplish and this is the first time that I really started to feel that way. It was just arbitrary goal. A couple of days a go a friend said "Another 60 lbs? Really?" I said well that is a healthy BMI. What should my goal be? He couldn't really argue with that. If I get down to 165 that will be awesome and losing anything more than that will be gravy. I hope I can get to 142.5 That will be half of what I used to weigh and that is my goal. I always say "Aim high if you want to accomplish great things!"       Banded 10-29-08 Dr. Kirshenbaum Denver, CO Self Pay - $9950
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

The Great Band Battle....(-107# and pics)

Has it really been over a month since I have blogged? The newbies won't even know me! Well let me introduce myself. My name is Julie. I was banded 8 months ago in October and have lost 107 lbs. Yay me! Now let's talk turkey.....   The band and I just had our first big battle. Now don't get me wrong. The band is in charge, as always, but for the first time I started to get a little pissy at it...always thinking he knows just what I can and can't eat.   My son left today for overseas on a 10 day trip, I have hit a plateau the last few weeks and I was feeling like I needed a little old fashioned comfort food. For me that is pizza.   What a coincidence....:blushing: I just happen to have some homemade (from scratch) pizza in fridge left over from last night. The first time I cooked pizza from scratch in 8 months! Last night I just picked off teh toppings and such. Well none of that sissy crap for me today. I wanted P-I-Z-Z-A dipped in sauce!   So the band said no. .....then I said "DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A BET? I'LL EAT SLOW AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!!!!" :crying:   Then the band said in a small yet confident voice..."Go ahead honey. Just give it a try. You will regret it. I wish you would listen to me....but if not we'll see what happens."   So the band won...then I tried another battle and he won that one too. :thumbup: It wasn't pretty. So I sat down with some ice cream and HE couldn't stop me from eating that so I feel like crap now. Blah.....   So I am going to lay off of the weight training and get back to more cardio and add some Zumba classes. I have been at the gym 5-6 days a week all summer and I need to be careful I don't burn out.   I'm going to surprise my family at the end of this month. They still don't know I have lost all this weight and I want to tell them I had surgery.   I have been just a couple of pounds away from no longer being obese, but that might have to wait while I realign my routine.   Stay cool this 4th of July!   High /Surgery/Current/Goal 285.5/ 271 / 177.5 142.5 Banded - 10/29/08 Four fills - 4.7cc/10cc   Read My Blog: My Secret Journey   Touch Below To View My Pics (More on my profile) [ATTACH]151[/ATTACH]
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

The fill has kicked in!

Okay....so much for it taking 10 days for the fill to kick in! I had a fill two days ago and I can tell!!! I even have to really watch my bites I haven't had to do that in months. I have to admit that I am a little worried about how tight I will get in the next 10 - 14 days. I guess we will see. Maybe this will get me just where I need to be. For the first time I didn't schedule my next appointment. We will play it by ear. I am hoping that it will be 2-3months or more before I need to go back. My six month banniversary is coming up. I will post pics soon. I can't believe that my next goal is the -100lb mark. So far I am down 86!!!
julie.ann

julie.ann

5
 

The band is doing it's job, but I am not....

It is time to blog. I have been away far too long. Let talk about my band. My band is perfect. I have restriction (or whatever you want to call the perfect adjustment) I get full quickly. My hunger is controled. So now you get to hear about what happens if you don't do your part.   You gain weight! I have gained. I don't know how much. I don't want to step on my Wii Fit to find out. So here is the perfect example of why you have to work the band. It doesn't do all the work for you.   I have only been hitting the gym about twice a week. I have been eating unhealthy food and I have been eating when I am not hungry. I haven't been keeping track on what I am eating. I know that I can come here and no one will judge me, but I also know that I need to start blogging again and getting back to the rules. -Keep track of what I eat (on sparkpeople) -Cardio at least 3 times a week -Don't eat unless I am hungry -Solid protien first then a health side until I am full   I have heard plenty of storied of people that say that the band doesn't work. Well I lost 115 lbs in one year. The band works for me, but I know if I don't work at it I will fail. The band helps. It makes it easier, but if I don't want it bad enough I will gain the weight back. I can lose more weight and all I have to do is follow the rules.   I have found that since I have given up almost all bread, pasta, rice and potatoes that I have developed a killer sweet tooth. I have to get that stuff out of my system. I am really looking forward to the New Year to jump start my loss, but I am starting right now!     I also have to admit and face the fact that I am an emotional eater. I have been banded over a year and lost over 100 lbs and I am STILL and emotional eater. We are looking at putting our 16 year old daughter in a Christian based residential program because of her bad choices and everytime I think about it and have to deal iwth it I want to eat. I feel it like an alcoholic looking for a drink. I am looking to pick up a part time job to make an extra $2000 a month to put her in this 15 month program. I work Monday through Friday days and now I may have to work Friday and Saturday nights (RN). I worry about working more and working out less and emotional eating. I guess every day is a new set of challenges. I know blogging with help and I am so glad that I have this place to come!
julie.ann

julie.ann

11
 

Thanksgiving Week Review...and a NSV!

11-30-08   I went shopping yesterday. My jeans are getting big. I went to Lane Bryant and I tried on a 5P. They were loose....very comfortable if this was the weight I was staying at. I tried on a 4P and they fit!   Then I thought I was trying on a size 22 coat. (I usually would look for a 24 or 26.) I thought it was okay.....just a little tiny bit small, but something I could definitely wear and I could grow into it through the winter. I looked at the tag again and realized that I couldn't afford it...then I realized it was actually a size 18-20! I couldn't believe it! :biggrin3:   Then I went to JC Penny's and the 2x was too small...:biggrin:...Oh well I think I'll focus on my NSV at Lane Bryant. I used to love that store and now I can't wait until I can't shop there anymore!!!   I only lost a pound for the last week. I shouldn’t complain about only losing 1 pound because I couldn’t go to the gym since last Tuesday and I had Thanksgiving and a trip with “the girls” to the dinner theatre last night. I also can eat anything I want. What I am doing now I am doing almost on my own. I can tell if eat really big bites really fast, but I can eat SO MUCH! I know I shouldn’t. I am eating healthy food and sticking to my calories and such. I am still getting too much protein. I don’t understand why when I called the office and said that I was getting hungry about 3 hours after meals they asked if I was drinking protein shakes. They recommend to drink shakes between meals. I really don’t understand that. I’ll have to ask about in 4 days when I go in for my first fill. I am hoping for restriction just like everyone does, but I know the odds are against that I will get much with the first fill. I’ll let you know how it goes. :thumbup:
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

Testing my new lifestyle.....

1-23-09   I went out to eat today and I was so scared I was going to blow it! I almost said no to those that were visiting from out of town, but I thought that at some point this would happen. I would need to eat out without planning for it. I needed to face it and see how I would do. I just said that this was becoming a lifestyle. Well life has unexpected twists. Would I handle this with style or fall back to my old ways?   I told them what I always order. (Chicken chimichanga with a huge plate that had cheese, guacamole, beans and rice on it along with the deep fried chimi.) Two of the four ordered it. I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t tempted. I thought of how good it would taste and how crappy I would feel. I thought about my weekly weigh in with my online support group tomorrow. I still wondered how I would say no. I thought about hitting the 220’s today for the first time. I STILL thought about it!!!!   I was absolutely RELIEVED when I realized that the band wouldn't let me completely pig out. That got me thinking straight. I ordered two tacos. It was just another reason I love my band! I had three tortilla chips with salsa and ONE taco and I was done. It was AWESOME!!!! I took the other taco and gave it to a co-worker.   I don’t know what the scale will say in the morning, but I won’t be terrified about stepping on it!
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

Stress....Primary Care Doctor and a Best Friend.

11/24/08   Almost 1 month post-op and my wonderful, fabulous, miraculous resistance is all gone. I was supposed to have a fill tomorrow but it will be a week from Friday instead. I kind of kick myself for changing it, but it will be better traveling on Thanksgiving not to be getting used to my first adjustment. I thought I was cheating…okay I got all ticked off at the kids tonight and I dealt with it the way I used to deal with stress. I went out and bought a deep dish supreme single pizza from Red Baron. (Okay before it would not have been a mini pizza) I shouldn’t have been able to suck that thing down the way I did. Well I had no problem at all. On a positive note I put it in my Journal on www.sparkpeople.com and I didn’t blow it today like I thought I did. I ate so well before that I can forgive myself. I’m still less than 1000 calories for the day and I went to the gym tonight. I really wish we had a free journal on lapbandtalk.com It would be great to see what other bandsters are eating and their nutrients. I think I am the first patient that my primary care physician has had that has been banded. He said that other patients have been starting to ask about it. He asked me to keep him posted so I did when I had surgery and I figure after each fill. We work together….kind of... so I just drop him an email. It might be interesting to see what he asks as we go along. I pasted my bandster guidelines (from my blog) in my last email. The only thing he really asked about was not drinking while eating. I got a kick out of that just because that has been one of the hardest ones to get used to. Oh…I almost forgot! Someone at work finally noticed I had lost weight. Yesterday I looked at a close up picture from August and from last night. I saw a difference. That is really what I wanted to know….that there is a difference. Another big thing for me is that I finally told my best friend (besides DH) that I was banded. I’m glad I did. It is nice to have someone to share things with. I have every intention of telling my family once I’m in onederland and I fly down to surprise them but I don’t plan to tell anyone around here. Well I better sign off. I didn’t realize this was going to get so long. I want to finish by saying THANK YOU to all of you…my support group. What would I do without you?
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

Someone mentioned anorexia?!?!?!?

Well I am in Denver for my next fill. I haven't had a fill since April and I have been having a little "last supper syndrom" since I am so open. I know it isn't a good thing, but that is what has been happening. I am just reporting here. I really am ready to get back on the wagon. I have still be working out and so I have been maintaining. I am still within 4 lbs of my lowest. Kind of bouncing around. the same few numbers.   I have a 7 hour drive home from my doctor's appt so I have the "Beck Diet Solution" audio cd pack to listen to. It is a good series/book about learning to "think like a thin person."   I spoke my mom last night for about 2 hours last night on my way do Denver. It was very enlightning. She was telling me a story about a lady she works with that has lost TOO MUCH weight. You know I just surprised my family with my weight loss. I knew what she was getting at. I was complaining about people callingme skinny. I know it sound crazy, but it is a MAJOR pet peeve of mine. That is because I am NOT SKINNY! I may be skinny compared to how I used to look. That just tell me that I used to be really big compared to what I look like now. If I truely was skinny it wouldn't bother me.   Anyway back to my mom's conversation....I keep saying that I want to lose another 35 lbs to give me a healthy BMI. She was bothered by this so I asked her how much she thought I weighed. I am a size 12, and I jsut saw her 2 weeks ago. How much does she think I weigh? I told her that I weigh what I did when I graduated from high school and we all know I was overweight at that time. She didn't believe that I weigh the same as when I graduated.   She guessed my weight at 155#! No wonder she was worried when I said I wanted to lose another 35 lbs. I told her (and I don't tell many that aren't on this site) that I weigh 180#. Hello!!!! 180! Yes I am happy that I have lost as much weight as I have lost, but it isn't like I weigh anything close to 155. I know when I graduated and weighed 180# I wore a size 16-18 jeans. I work out and really try to concentrate on my abs, but I told her I don't know how I weigh this much am as trim as I am. (I am only 5'4") but if more people think i weigh around 155 then no wonder they look at me like I am crazy. I don't get that. I think they are blind. I had someone ask me if I was going to become anorexic! OMG! People I weigh 180 pounds! Far from anorexic! It was only 20 lbs ago that I was over 200.   Anyway. Just putting things on paper to try to wrap my head around things. Is my brain screwed on wrong? I know I can't go just by the scale, but 180 is no where near where I want to be. Even 160 would make me "pee my pants" happy! I don't know if I'll ever get there. (This what my driver's license says!:thumbup:)   I can't wait to get my next fill today and see where this takes me.
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

Soft Calorie Syndrome

After almost a year being banded.....   Okay, so I have addmitted to myself that I am too tight. I have fallen into soft calorie syndrome. It sucks. I hope I can get a tiny unfil on Monday. My weight loss has been so-so and eating is too hard. I have fallen to soft foods, especially ice cream. BAD BAD BAD!!!!! Kind of depressing, but I want to get the unfill before I have to worry about a slip or erosion.
julie.ann

julie.ann

7
 

Six Days Post-op 11/4/08

11/4/08 6:15 am: Well I was just re-reading my journal entry from yesterday. I think that maybe I have figured out a tiny part of why I don’t want to share this. If I felt like this was something that I WANTED it would different than something I NEEDED. It sounds like a small difference, but it isn’t really. I am planning to cook me up some egg beaters – southwestern this morning and I am avoiding. I better go. 7:00 am: Well that went well. At least so far. I had ½ cup of eggs. I took about 25 minutes to eat it. I really like eating with the relish fork and baby spoon. It helps me be mindful of what size of bites I take. No burping. Oh and I sneezed this morning a couple of times and it didn’t hurt. I am getting occasional hiccups. They are uncomfortable. It’s time to get ready for work. I feel better with real food in my system. I will work on my protein shake mid morning and maybe have some cottage cheese for lunch. It sounds good to me. I might shake things up and add some peas to it. Chew, chew, chew! 8:30 pm: WOW! I got in 680 calories today! 95 grams of Protein without the liquid protein even!!! I know I am using a lot of exclamation points, but that is exactly how I feel! I ate cottage cheese and peas. It tasted so good! I don’t want to get tired of it so I will have to watch it. On soft foods I am allowed well cooked casseroles. I think I will try one tomorrow. I am working on eating slow and not drinking anything right before, during or right after my meals. That is a really hard rule. I’ll keep plugging along. Oh yeah, the op sites are off of my incisions too. They look really good.
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

Shouldn't losing weight be......harder than this?

2-1-09 Now I hope that I don’t have people throwing things at me after I say this. I don’t know if I’m more afraid of having heavy objects thrown at me or food thrown at me. I could dodge the heavy items, but I might not try so hard if it is ice cream or pizza people are throwing at me. I‘ve been thinking the last few days that this should be harder than it is. Oh don’t get me wrong, in the beginning and post-op it was hard enough! But now it appears that I have hit my sweet spot. About 1 -1/2 cups of food and I am good. I don’t get hungry until my next meal. I follow all of the bandster guidelines that I posted here. I was even able to refuse free pizza last night (the best pizza in town even!) and I stopped to get the guys Sonic when we were in town but I ate the healthy food I had packed with me. Yesterday morning I worked out and as I was running all over doing stuff with the kids I couldn’t believe that my work out was done for the day. What I needed to do to lose weight was done for the day already and I was showered and dong family stuff at 9:45am on Saturday. How easy was that! I guess because I have gotten to the point that the food choices are a lifestyle I don’t really think that much about the diet factor anymore. I have to work on getting to the gym. Maybe that is why it seems so much easier. I have half as much to worry about. I’m not saying that I never eat anything that isn’t healthy. Last week I had a cookie after lunch and I also had a tiny square 3 musketeers, you know the bite size kind. I worked it into my calories for those days. Today might be tougher because I am going to a super bowl party today. I know they will have chili there so I will be able to eat that or else I would take some healthy choices myself. I might eat before we go over there so that I’m not hungry looking at all of the food. (I will probably do that!) Anyway I guess I know that it could become more challenging when I need another fill for if (knock on wood) something would happen and I would need a band revision. That scares me the most because this surgery won’t be paid off for another 5 years. Anyway I will take the feeling that this should be harder but is pretty easy at the moment because I knwow the closer I get to goal the harder it will be to lose. I talked to my family practice doc a couple of days ago. I told him that I was going to wait until I was halfway to goal to let him know but since I was working in his office I just couldn’t keep it to myself since I had lost 60 lbs already. He was shocked and asked what I meant by not being halfway to goal. How much did I expect to lose. What was my goal? That really surprised me. I told him my goal was a healthy BMI. I don’t think he ever expected me to be able to lose that much. Yes, I am his first lap band patient. (I’m pretty sure.) My sister and I had a conversation a few years back about people in my family not being able to be “skinny” and weigh anything close to 140 because we are ….”big boned” (yeah don’t stop me if you’ve heard this because we have all heard this or thought this at one time or another) “We just aren’t built to be skinny.” I disagreed with her and now I am going to prove her wrong! I will be surprising them with my weight loss in July. I can’t wait. I should be down 100 lbs by then!:smile:
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

September 16, 2008

I typed out a letter for my doctor to sign to try and get this approved through insurance. It didn’t work. No insurance means I start shopping around for a wonderful doctor that had good prices. What are the chances I will find that?   WOW! What do you know…I found it! Dr. Kirshenbaum in Denver has one of the lowest prices I’ve seen in the US I have found some of his patients on support groups on-line and haven’t heard a bad word about him. My surgery is scheduled for Oct 29th!
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

Putting things in perspective....

Today I faced the blizzard and made it to the gym. The owner and I were the only two people there and he commented that I had lost a lost of weight since my ID picture had been taken when I joined the gym. I told him yes, just a little over 80 lbs so far. A little bit later he said he wanted to show me something before I left. I finally got done with my cardio and went to see what he wanted to show me. We walked over to the free weights and he picked up a dumbell and placed it on the floor. He said can you pick that up. I bent my knees and worked hard to get it off the ground. I was able to pick it up, but barely and put it down quickly. He said that is 80 lbs. That is what you have lost so far. I just blew me away. I know my body is changing, but that really put it in perspective.   I am just 3 lbs from ONEderland. That was my April 1st goal. I'm thinking I might just miss it. The reason I bring it up is because when I start to concentrate on the pounds to lose I start craving things. It makes me think about what I can't eat....what I have to deprive myself of to lose a few pounds. As soon as I stop thinking about numbers and start thinking "lifestyle" those feelings of deprivation goes away. I was thinking that I want pizza. I want the taste. I should be able to eat it. I deserve it.   Then I start thinking like a bandster with a differnt lifestyle.....   I don't need it. I'm not even hungry so why am I thinking about food? I can eat it if I want to, but it isn't healthy and I will feel bad afterwards. It isn't that I can't have it. I can eat anything I want, but I chose not to eat it and feel bad. It is my choice.   The craving basically went away. It is amazing the difference it make in HOW we think about food. That really puts my cravings in perspective. I do have a goal to make and I will try hard and next Saturday if I still want pizza then I will get a slice of thin crust. If I don't want it then I won't eat it.   I will be at my 5 month bandiversary in just 2 days. I can't believe how different my life was just 6 months ago. I love my band! I wish I would have done this years ago. My 35th birthday is in June and I hope to have lost 100lbs by then. That will be the best birthday I've had in a LONG time!!!
julie.ann

julie.ann

4
 

Post Plastic Surgery

I know I've been gone a while. I was banded in October 2008. I have lost over 100 lbs. I may not have hit my goal in fact I have been the same for about 2 years give or take 15 lbs at times. Not unhappy. In fact I ran my first 5K in September. I am ready to get back to running in the next 4 weeks.   I just wanted you to know that I am post PS by about 10 days. A few months ago I finally decided that I didn't know what it would take but I would get it done. Sort of the same way I finally moved forward with band surgery. I had a breast lift and Tummy Tuck. I almost cryied today looking in the mirror. I still have 4 drains. One in a breast and 3 in my tummy. I am having to pack my belly button to help it heal but I tried on a few pieces of clothes today. Why am I crying? Because I look normal. I am still a good size. I have a ton of swelling still and I have been about a size 12 but of course with all the extra skin and such I have been wearing undergarments to try and pull in the layers and rolls. I didn't do this to look sexy (not like a model or anything) I did it to feel better about myself, be able to look more professional in my top level meetings, and feel better about myself, but at 10 days post op I am looking in the mirror and all I can say is I look normal. I finally look normal. That sounds so mild but I am jumping up and down inside. (not on the outside I would pull something). Before PS I didn't even want my husband to see me without my clothes on and now I am so happy. I can't wait to get the drains out. I am back to work in a week. I wanted to share...I LOOK NORMAL with or without clothes on. I feel like I have come full circle. Couldn't be happier.
julie.ann

julie.ann

6
 

ONEderland in less than 6 months!!!

April 4, 2009 Well the day is here! It is time to do the ONEderland Happy Dance!!!! I can’t believe it!!! I want to scream it to the heavens! I had this grand goal to hit it by April 1st. It happened a few days late, but who am I to complain? I just can’t believe it! In under 6 months I have gone from 285lbs to 199lbs. I just can’t believe it! My next goal is to get to the century mark and lose 100 lbs. That is about 15 lbs and my next goal is Memorial Day. I have big news on top of that. I shared my experience with a friend. This sounds like a small thing, but it isn’t for me. I have a 7 hour drive one way for a fill and I asked a friend to go with me. About 45 minutes into the drive I told her why we were headed out to Denver. I was very nervous about sharing with someone else. I’m not ready for everyone to know. I guess I am more ready than I have been in the past because it isn’t a question of whether or not I will be successful. She told me that sooner or later people or going to start to wonder if I had something done because usually people plateau and I haven’t yet. She might have a point, but have to tell people on my terms when I am ready. She even came back and saw me get a fill. I did get a fill yesterday. I was on the fence about whether or not to get one. I have been doing pretty good. I was surprised that I needed 0.6cc. Everything went down without a hitch after that….water, lunch, supper. No problem and we will see how things set in about 10 days when the fill takes effect. I still find it funny that it takes that long to kick in. Well this fat girl will keep doing the happy dance all day and someday I might realize that I’m not the fat girl I used to be. I still have a long way to go, but I’m not sure when my head will catch up with my weight.
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

One Week Post-op

11/5/08 ONE WEEK! I can’t believe it was only a week ago that I got banded! I have lost 9 lbs in that week for a total of 23 lbs. I haven’t lost anything the last 2 days…..uh I don’t think I can complain that I went two days without weight loss. Besides I’ve got some sodium back in my diet so I’m sure that will cause me to put on a few pounds of water. This first month is for healing. I need to remember that! I have been really watching my portions. I get hungry faster though. That is normal and expected since I don’t have restriction and swelling is going down. I think I’m okay with that. Someone asked me yesterday how much weight I have lost. That is awesome! I can’t believe at my weight that anyone can tell after 23 lbs, but I guess maybe in my face a little. I need to start walking. Not just with my job, but making an effort to walk. I can’t do vigorous exercise until after my first fill because I will be a month out then. My fill in is 3 weeks. I need to get off the “lose weight” mentality for 3 weeks. It is hard and I am afraid to lose that mentality for fear of not getting it back….. Well I think I ate too much this morning. I ate my egg beaters (southwestern) scrambled eggs. I make ½ cup. Then this morning at break (about 1 ½ hrs later) I thought I was hungry and ate a poached egg white and a piece of bacon. I think the bacon was pushing it. I am supposed to be on soft foods. Yeah, I know. Fried bacon probably wouldn’t make it on the list of soft foods. So I felt that bacon sitting in my pouch for a while. In fact a couple of hours later at lunch time I only at ½ c. cottage cheese because it was still sitting there. One of the departments had a little “tea party” at work to celebrate something. You know how that goes. Cookies, punch, nuts and all the trimmings. I did really good. ( I think.) I had a piece of cheese and two ritz crackers and 2 pieces of cantaloupe. I keep thinking people are going to look at me and say, “Hey you had that lap band surgery didn’t you?!?!” Well one of the girls at work had a RNY and I think she looks at me and knows all the signs of how and what I am eating. I know it will be okay and if people find out it won’t be a horrible thing. I just want it to happen on my time.
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
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