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I FINALLY have a grasp on my bipolar

It says under my wonderful, sexy picture of Joey Ramone, that I joined lapbandtalk in September of 2008. Yet, I kind of left in December 2008 because I was misdiagnosed as having Recurrent Depressive Episodes. Unfortunately, being misdiagnosed with RDE instead of BP is common.   I honestly now know what normal feels like. I know what it is to not having racing thought with that bad tinge of depression and suicidal ideation. Can you imagine? Being told you are depressed and given anti depressants and they work on everyone else but you? I was finally given a mood stabilizer in March and I have never felt better. My doctors are now treating me as someone with bipolar, instead of someone with depression. They are now looking at me with a clearer picture.   Did I mention how nice it is to be normal? I tell you: IT FEELS GREAT!!!:smile2:
joeyramonesgirl

joeyramonesgirl

1
 

Gastric bypass over band?

Bypass or band? Band or bypass? Please sir, may I have both?   God, I'm pathetic. I did so much research and time and looking up stuff that I thought I would never look up, and look where I am; I'm choosing RNY over the band.   I believe that RNY would be better for me because I feel I keep with the upkeep of having a band. I might not get fills because I might think, "What's the point?"   I think the RNY would better suit me because it is permenant. I can't go back and say, "Here, take this out of me because I don't want it anymore." Yes, with GB my pouch my stretch or I might get ulcers or I might leak stomach acid. Hell, I might even die during the surgery.   But with the lapband there are risks too. I could die from surgery, my band could slip or worse: erode. I could not respond to it and that would just be a waste of money (in my opinion).   I want to do what's best for me and my family. My bipolar is under control, but I still have that small twinge of depression left. And that is from being obese.   I really wish I could accept myself because I know so many people who do accept me. But if I can't love myself, why does it matter. I need this surgery in order to feel comfortable again...   You know...when I was at my lowest, 200 lbs, I felt so sexy and fun. But now at 250 lbs, I don't feel that anymore. I feel like a whale. I know surgery isn't a cure all and I don't expect that. What I do expect it to do is to HELP me lose weight, instead of going at it alone.   I've told only a few people that I'll be getting weight loss surgery and their response is always, "Oh but you don't need it. You're a normal weight." or "But you're so pretty. Why would you do something like that?" I need to do it because if I don't, my weight will kill me!   I feel as though the lapband, while it works great for other people, I honestly and truly think it's not for me. I wanted so bad and so long, but after digging through my soul (wow. that's deep), I found that I need something that will be with me forever. I don't think I could handle having a foreign object in my body.   Maybe I'm just being a big baby with all this stuff. I don't know though. I just wish I had a magic 8 ball to tell me what surgery I should go with.   JRG
joeyramonesgirl

joeyramonesgirl

2
 

Now I'm on track!

YAY! I got an appointment at UofI for seeing what I need to do in order for me to get the lapband. It's on the 13th, so I'm freaking happy! And it's at 2:45. (I'm posting this, because I have a horrible memory when I have appointments, I might as well post it where I'll see it). Wish me luck!   JRG
joeyramonesgirl

joeyramonesgirl

1
 

*scream*

Alright, I've had enough! I have to go to a different seminar for UofI because I tried to call that doctor my PCP recommended and it blew up in my face!:rolleyes2::clap::mad::mad3::mad5: Yeah, in case you missed it...I'M PISSED!!!!!!!!!!   I called and I got hung up on, called again and I was transfered to a person who obviously didn't know what she was doing and then I called again and I was yelled at over the phone because I wanted to meet with the surgeon privately. Here is the conversation: Me: :tt2: Phone person: :laugh:   :cursing:: I would like to make an appointment for Dr. *What's his name* :laugh:: Is this for bariatric surgery ? :cursing:: This is for a private matter that I would like to discuss with the surgeon. :laugh:: Ma'am, you have to tell me if this is for bariatric surgery. :cursing:: No I don't. That is a private matter. Even my doctor says so. You can't ask me that. :laugh:: Is it for bariatric surgery? :cursing:: I said I won't answer that because that's against the law and also doctors' law of ethics! I just want to schedule a meeting with the surgeon. :laugh:: Miss, don't tell me my job. Just say yes or no. :cursing:: I will tell you your job because I just want to see the surgeon. I'm not going to anwser because you just put people through the mill. I just want to see the surgeon for a private matter, that is it. :laugh:: ... :cursing:: I shouldn't have to explain why I need to see the surgeon because he is a regular surgeon who specializes in bariatric surgery. I should be able to see him like any other surgeon. :laugh:: The earliest appointment we have is in January. :cursing:: WHAT??? :laugh:: But...if you say that you need bariatric surgery, you can see him sooner than that, but you have to go through evaluations. I'll transfer you :cursing:: Wait, wait... :laugh: *transfers me to that stupid person who never called me back and likes to play hard to get* :cursing:: F*ck this Sh*t ~~~~~~~******** Yeah, not happy.
joeyramonesgirl

joeyramonesgirl

1
 

*happy dance*

I went to the doctors' yesterday and...she said that she approves me getting the band! She even gave me a surgeon's name so I can contact him directly. It's at the Kane Center and she said not to go into the "program" because they just shuffle people around. So...YAY!:cursing:   So I'll call the surgeon on Monday and schedule an appointment. Hopefully my 'rents can drive me (they won't let me look at a car, even though I have my license!).   See ya Soon! JRG
joeyramonesgirl

joeyramonesgirl

3
 

*sigh* Why?

I just have to rant:   1) On the thread in R&R's, there's a thread called:"WHY are people voting for McCain?" What gets my goat is the fact that the poster asks a question about why people are voting, yet shoots the person down when they express their opinion. If you are asking a question about the election and want to show the world your side, wouldn't you say: "Here is why I vote for Obama" or "Here is why I'm against McCain"? I think what the poster was trying to do was to get McCain supporters riled up and then she could shoot them down. I'm not a McCain supporter, nor am I for Obama (I've said previously that this might be Ralph Nader's year). Don't ask for my opinion and the say "Blah, blah, blah; you're wrong!" when you ask a question for people's opinion!:frown:   2) (Related to lap band): Okay, so my dad isn't so hot about the band after all. He has said to me that I just need to work out and exercise. I would; gladly. But it just HURTS! My back hurts especially when I do cardio, as does my heart. It feels as though someone is squeezing my heart so it makes it hard to breathe deep.   3) I had a panic attack on Monday and a mini one today. I have an acting class on Monday and Wednesday, so I always look forward to that. But on Monday, I had this panic that everyone hates me. That people hate me because I'm fat and I shouldn't act because I'm overweight. My weight has really never hindered me in my acting because I hear such good things when I'm on stage. I consider myself a very good actress and people usually tell that after I do a show!:cursing: But Monday, this panic just took over me like a tidal wave. Then I had another mini one on Wednesday. I have had my share of mental illnesses. I have chronic depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder. The funny thing is, is that I had these all under control for a few months. Then Monday and Wednesday: BAM! I just switched meds last Friday, from Lexapro to Cymbalta. The Cymbalta helps with the depression big time. But I don't think it helps with my anxiety. :tt1:   See ya Soon! JRG
joeyramonesgirl

joeyramonesgirl

1
 

I'm getting the ball rolling!

So, I have scheduled an appointment with my doc on Friday and I'm going to call my mental health person (when he is really just a pill doctor) and say "I need a lap band." Hopefully, this will lead somewhere!
joeyramonesgirl

joeyramonesgirl

1
 

Grrr...

So, guess what? I tried calling the Kane Center near Chicago to schedule an appointment. I missed her call two times and I'm fed up! She called on Monday and I missed her call, because I was in the bathroom. I called back on Thursday because every time I tried to call, there was a message saying they were out or some will be with me shortly; after ten minutes on the phone, I don't think they'll be with me shortly. So finally, I got through on Friday and I got her voice mail. I told her to call my cell. She called my house! I wasn't there and I had my cell with me and no answer. I looked at the messages on my home phone and there was the message! :cursing: I can't stand that. I'm switching over to University of Illinois, because I hear it's a little cheaper and service is more palatable.   I'm sorry if I sound like a brat, but when someone says to call on a certain phone, and calls on another, that person is going to be pissed. I don't know if she's avoiding responsibility or what.
joeyramonesgirl

joeyramonesgirl

2
 

Remembering 9/11

Let us not forget 9/11. I am mourning for the people who lost their family, friends or people close to them, to this unspeakable tragedy. Let us protect our country and support each other in times of need.   What I was doing when the terrorists attacks started: I was just waking up and looking at my ceiling. Mom called me down and told me to "come here quick!". I jumped up and ran to where mom was. The tv was on and I saw the second tower go down. I was shocked. How could something like this happen? Are people that sick? I continued watching. I remember dad coming home after a half-hour later.The tv was set to CNN for 3 days straight. I will never forget 9/11.   Peace and God-bless and I hope all of you are safe with your families. JRG
joeyramonesgirl

joeyramonesgirl

3
 

So, I talked to BCBS PPO people and...

They said that I will be covered for surgery IF it is medically necessary. I have severe depression due to my weight, hurts to exercise, never can stop eating and I've tried every diet under the sun and nothing!   I don't know if I have to do a 6 month pre diet thing, but I hope not. But if I do, I won't mind because I'll do whatever it takes to get the band.   I'll be scheduling a consultation tomorrow, so wish me luck!:thumbup:   See ya soon! JRG
joeyramonesgirl

joeyramonesgirl

3
 

I hate feeling like this...

God, I hate eating. It's like I have an endless pit for a stomach and nothing keeps me full. I know I don't have a medical condition, because I was at the doctors earlier this year. It's funny (not ha-ha funny), but every time I see her, she says: "You're such a pretty girl, but you need to lose some weight because you won't get boyfriend if your are overweight." (She's Indian). I almost cry because I hear that enough from my relatives. "You are so pretty, cute, smart, sexy, but...you need to lose weight." *SCREAMS* I KNOW THAT! I DEAL WITH THAT FACT EVERY GOD DAMN DAY OF MY LIFE, ASSES! :thumbup:   Sorry if the cursing offended you, but man. People think I don't know squat about how much I weigh. I think they think I don't own a mirror or something.   One thing about having depression is the fact that it can come with a vengence. Today, my "partner" in astronomy class decided to sit somewhere else. I thought it was because I was overweight. It's probably true that people avoid me because I'm fat.It also may be due to the fact I wear skulls from my ears down to my feet and have the look of, "You speak to me, I kill you.":biggrin:   But back to the main topic; I just hate feeling like I'm always hungry. I know it's not a mental thing, because there are days were I'm fine. *SIGH* I don't know.
joeyramonesgirl

joeyramonesgirl

2
 

Hey Ho! Let's Go...get a lapband!

Okay, I went to a seminar on Saturday (didn't post anything because I was really into "Flowers in the Attic") and discussed the surgery with the 'rents today and they approve! *HAPPY DANCE* My dad was so cautious about this surgery because he doesn't see me exercise:cursing:, but when I do try to exercise, I hurt,and I never feel good and I'm always hungry afterwards. I really wish these were excuses, but it's the truth.   Anywho, at the seminar they (meaning a surgeon and other people) discussed both gastric bypass and lapband. I was interested in bypass for five minutes...then they showed a video of actual sugery and I thought to myself: "Uhh, I don't like my insides being removed and lumped together where they shouldn't be." :smile:   The seminar was nice, but god, people are RUDE! There were a bunch of people who raised their hands and sat patiently, but other people decided: "Yeah, let's be an ignorant ass and just shout out our questions!". *STEAM COMING FROM EARS* What was even worse was the fact that the surgeon never reprimanded these people.   Like I said, it was nice, except above incident. Afterwards, I went to Half-Price Bookstore (the love of my life! ) and purchased some books and I was happy as a clam!   I'm really glad I attended that seminar. I learned an awful lot more than what I thought I could. Now all I have to do, is call my dad's insurance and then, call back the hospital to schedule a consultation.   QUESTIONS: 1) Has anyone had surgery at the Alexian Brothers in Elk Grove? How was it? Was the surgery good? How did they handle the insurance? 2) Does anyone live in Chicago? (Not like, "Yeah I live near Chicago." "Where?" "Springfield.") What hospitals did you go to? 3) Does anyone have Blue Cross Blue Shield PPO? How did they handle the surgery? How much did you have to pay out of pocket? How much were the copays (if any)?   Shout out to Plain: Ha, Ha, Ha! Funny! :tongue2: Shout out to Hollie519: I totally could use a friend. Send me a message and we can chat!
joeyramonesgirl

joeyramonesgirl

1
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