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Blog 45783

A blog by trina4ufl

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plastics recovery

So plastics recovery is going well. My weight went up about 8 pounds but then went down 10 in one week. I think I was having major swelling. I went to the lap band doc and got a fill and am now super tight. I weighed myself and I am at 197.6. Onederland!!!!!! First time since I was a teenager. My stomach is looking much better. It's lumpy when I sit down, but looks good standing up. My breasts look awesome. They are still healing though and I can't wear any underwire bras for another month. It's really hard to find bras with no underwire. I'm pretty happy with how I look when I'm in clothes right now. I have alot more confidence and when people see me, they say WOW you look awesome! I am now in a large size in tops or shirts and still a 14 in pants. I'm not sure if that will change when the swelling goes down all the way or not. I am 5'9"/5'10" so that's not bad for my height. I would need to lose another 20 pounds to reach my overall goal. I've started back at the gym but taking is slowly due to the swelling I've had and the belly button issues. I go back to work next week :scared2: I've really enjoyed the time off. Things are going well though. I'm really happy about the results of my surgery!

November 12, 2010

0

Only 1 drain left

I had a follow up appt. today at the plastic surgeon's office and one of the drains on my hips came out. They think the other one can come out on Monday. It's still outputting quite a bit of fluid. It has to be below 30 ccs output in a 24 hour period before it can come out. I am ready for it to be gone but I understand that it greatly reduces the amount of painful swelling. My left side has been hurting and I'm not really sure why. My new belly button was leaking some fluid and the Dr.'s office thinks that some of the fluid from the belly button may be going to my left side. They stated everything looks really good though and that i shouldn't be worried. I no longer have to put bandages on my incisions. I can just wear the surgical bra and the compression garmet. After 2 weeks, which is Tuesday, I only have to wear the compression garmet during the day, not at night. I have to wear the bra 24/7 for 6 weeks total. My breasts are starting to look really good and the Nurse Practitioner mentioned how they seem much rounder and I agree. My stomach is also starting to look flatter. I asked her if it was going to be totally tight and flat and she said that they pulled it tight and flat during the surgery, but that because of the swelling, it is lumpy and swollen. She said that it will get flatter and tighter, but that because the skin has been stretched from gaining and losing alot of weight that it loses the elasticity so it may not be as tight as it was in the surgery. I'm hoping that wearing these compression garmets will help it get tighter. I don't know if I mentioned this before but originally the surgeon said that he'd have to do free nippple grafts for my breast reduction because of the length of my breasts. In this scenario I would definitely lose all sensation in my breasts. I wasn't happy with this so he said that he would try to do the normal way which is moving the entire nipple and the attachments, but that he may have to switch mid surgery if the tissue wasn't getting blood supply. Well, he was able to do the normal one and I have full sensation in my nipples! This is a big deal for me and I am super happy about it. I definitely credit his surgical skills because I read alot about how if your nipples are a certain length from where they need to go that they have to do the free nipple graft--which is taking them off completely and reposiitioning them which guarantees a complete loss of sensation in the nipple and they will not get erect and you cannot breast feed. But, yay, that is not the case for me! He had also talked about the possibility of having to do a vertical incision to get the stomach tight which would have meant a long vertical scar. However, he did not have to do this either, so everything went really well. I'm feeling better every day and the office staff was so nice. They said I am a very easy patient. I'm super excited because I wore a shirt tonight that I have saved since I was 15 years old (I'm 31 now). It has been too small since I was 15, but it was my favorite shirt ever. I tried it on tonight and it fits perfectly!!!:thumbup:

October 15, 2010

0

1 week post op plastics

So I'm about a week post-op and starting to feel much better. The first few days were rough. It was really painful. The breast reduction was a piece of cake. I had almost no pain at all and the drains came out after 2 days. The only thing that is uncomfortable is that I have to wear this special bra 24/7 for six weeks. It's pretty comfortable, but it is white and shows if my shirts are not really high up on my neck. At first, my breasts looked kind of uneven and I was paranoid that they were not symetrical, but as they are healing, they look good. I'm very happy so far with them. As for the abdominoplasty, this sucker hurts! First, your stomach muscles just kill you because the surgeon sews them together really tightly so getting up and down out of a bed or chair or whatever is really painful. Then, your sutures start to really hurt so you can't straighten out because your skin has been stretched and sewn together. I had to learn that they key is to keep your legs as close to your abdomen as possible so that it limits the stretch. The good thing is that they gave me 2 different narcotic pain killers and valium to help relax your stomach muscles. This did keep the pain tolerable. The first two days are the worst and then it gets better. Now, I almost forget about the pain until I go more than 4 or 5 hours without pain pills and then the pain reminds me. I've stopped taking the really heavy pain killers and the valium, so now I'm taking the loratabs about every 5 or 6 hours as needed. I can get up and down without too much pain and am feeling pretty good. My stomach looked bad the first time I saw it. It is sagging and my new belly button is gross and ragged. The plastic surgeon's office swears that my stomach will be flat and tight but it's not yet. It has gotten better as the days go on. Apparently there is a lot of swelling right now that is causing it to be lumpy and saggy. I guess that's why I have to wear compression garmets for 4 weeks. I am already sick of this compression garmet. But, I could live with that because it's really not that bad. It's not that tight. It's kind of like wearing a spanx bodysuit. The worst part is that I still have 2 surgical drains that fill up with blood and fluid. There are two tubes, once coming out of each hole in my hip. The tubes lead to plastic drains about the size of light bulb. These fill up with fluid and you have to empty them and record the measurements about 3 or 4 times a day. THe problem is that they are a pain to carry around. I have to sleep on my back because of them which I've gotten used to, but you have to find a way to hide them under your clothes. I went to the grocery store with my mom today and I thought they were going to stop me because I look like I"m shoplifting because of the outlines of these plastic things under my pants. I have a doctor's appt. tomorrow at 9:30am and there is a possibility that they will take them out, but I'm doubting that they will because they are still filling up with fluid regularly. The good news is that I am currently at 200.3 pounds on my home scale. I was at about 213 or 214 prior to surgery. I always weigh at least 3 pounds less at the lap band doctor's office. I'm just waiting and waiting for the scale to read 199. I'm ready to be in onederland! I have been eating pretty normally. My band isn't very tight but I haven't had a huge appetite but have been eating pretty well. I still have a lot of swelling so I'm hoping when that goes down, the scale will too. They took off 11 pounds when they did the surgery, so that means I've lost a few more since then. I also actually have a waist! Once I get these drains out, I can wear clothes other than sweats. I'm really looking forward to still having 5 weeks off of work to recuperate! My mom just left town but I'll probably go visit my parents in Orlando in a couple of weeks. For now, I'm just relaxing and keeping in touch with my friends here.

October 14, 2010

3

Message from 10/7/10

So I had my surgery for breast reduction and abdominoplasty on Tuesday. They said it went really well. I did have a lot of pain and discomfort, but I am also heavily medicated, so I've been sleeping all the time. The breasts really don't hurt at all, but the stomach muscles hurt a lot the first day, and the sutures have hurt the past two days. I have my follow up appointment today. They removed 11 pounds altogether. I haven't seen the results yet because I'm in this body "armor" and support bra and I can't take it off until after my post-op appt today. I'm almost afraid to see it because I know it's going to look bad at first. I did look down right after surgery and was woah!! and the nurses thought something was wrong, but I said, my stomach is gone! It was a really great feeling. My mom is here taking care of me. I think it would be almost impossible to do this without someone here because I need her help just to get in and out of bed. The stomach hurts alot whenever I move, but as long as I stay still, everything is okay. My back and neck are really sore from having to sleep in the same position. All in all, not super fun and very uncomfortable, but not intolerable and definitely worth it if it ends up looking/feeling good. I'll post more soon.

October 14, 2010

0

Ready for plastics!

Okay, so I haven't posted on here in forever. I've been kind of just caught up in my life, which I guess is a good thing. I also haven't had anything significant going on with my weight or the band. I haven't had a fill since last December and I haven't lost anymore weight. I have been working out regularly and I think I have more muscle and less fat. I'm still around 210 pounds though. I went for a consult with a plastic surgeon and I've been approved for a breast reduction and an abdominoplasty. My insurance is going to cover it 100%!!!!! I am really excited about this. The surgery is scheduled for October 5th. I am 5'9" and have a large frame, and I truly felt like I was going to have trouble losing any more weight. The plastic surgeon said that there wasn't much fat left--it was mostly all skin, which makes sense after losing 120 pounds. I can't even imagine myself with a flat stomach and firm boobs. My ultimate goal is to be able to jog. I can somewhat job for like a minute at a time, but my overall fitness is pretty good but I'm weighed down by the weight on my upper body. I am happy I haven't gained any weight and I've settled into a pretty healthy eating routine. I'm hoping that this plastic surgery gets me where I want to be, or at the least gets me able to exercise the way I want to. I could play tennis again! In case you don't understand what a big problem I have, the surgeon says he's going to take about 7 or 8 pounds off of my chest. In other news, I was dating an older guy for about 3 months and he just dumped me via email. Then I found out that he's been dating someone else for a couple of weeks now. How many times am I going to let my heart get broken? Everything in my life is going awesome except for my love life. I guess I shouldn't let that get me down. I need to focus on me right now anyway. I'm going to have about a month off work to recover and my mom is going to be here for the first week. Will my stomach really be flat? Will I be able to buy single digit bra sizes? I am so excited!Tags: lap band

September 7, 2010

5

Surgiversary

So, technically I missed posting on my surgiversary, or my one year anniversary of getting my lap band. It's been a good ride. It's had it's ups and downs but as of today, two weeks after my one year mark, I weigh 210 pounds. That is 120 pounds less than I did a year ago. Wow! I never really thought I would get this far! I'm still 32 pounds from my goal but I'm feeling pretty great. I have alot of energy now that I've gotten over this bronchitis thing. I lost 10 pounds this month when I weighed in at the doctor today. My surgeon showed me my before picture and I don't even recognize it. Did I really look like that? No diet could have done this. I will take credit for my part, because I have exercised, gone to all my follow up appointments and fills, followed the rules (for the most part!) and try to eat healthy most of the time. But I will give the band the credit that is due because with the band, it is not impossible. LapBand 12/1/08 Starting weight/surgery weight/current weight/goal weight/height 330/316/210/175/5'10"

December 15, 2009

8

Down another 7

I went for my 4 week apt. at the surgeon's office and have lost 7 pounds in four weeks, putting me at 217. It hasn't really been the best way to lose, as I've been too tight this month. I've had several vomiting episodes and bad heartburn. The doc took out all the fluid and let me drink some water so if some food at been stuck, it would wash down, then he filled me up to 8.0. I had been at 8.5. I feel a huge difference. No heartburn and I can actually eat without feeling like I need to throw up. I've really only eaten some soup (pho) so far, but so far I don't even feel much restriction, but I'm not pushing it. I hope this doesn't mean that I'll gain weight over the holidays, but for now, I feel so much better. I do have a bad head cold so I'm home from work today. I fell asleep at 7:30pm last night and didn't wake up until 7:30 am this morning, tried to get ready for work, and realized I felt dizzy and much too sick to go in. I'm very happy with my progress as Dec. 1st is my year anniversary and I've lost 113 pounds total, 99.7 pounds since surgery day. I'll take it! I'm very happy with my lapband. Now if I could get rid of this cold, I'd be feeling great!:biggrin:

November 18, 2009

4

Going well

Well, Things are going well. I got another fill a couple of weeks ago, and it is really tight. I've had heartburn for the first time I throw up if i eat too fast or the wrong kind of food. I'm actually considering a slight unfill at my next appt. I'm currently at 218 and keep receiving tons of compliments. My future sister in law says I look like I need to eat a cheeseburger! My boyfriends' mom, said I look super skinny and my boyfriend can't keep his hands off me. The only problem? No clothes that fit! I would kill for a pair of black pants that didn't hang off my butt and drag on the floor. I had an awesome time on Halloween. I was a vampire with a costume that I threw together at the last minute, but the teeth were awesome. I'll try and post some pics. Okay, it wouldn't let me upload them for some reason but if you're interested, go to http://trina4ufl.livejournal.com/

November 12, 2009

2

Down 100 pounds

My weight at my doctor's appt on Tuesday was 229. My start weight was 330. I have lost 100 pounds. That sounds so strange to say. I am really excited about it and my life has improved immeasurably. I still have a ways to go to get to my first goal, which is 175 but I'm very thankful with the amount of weight I've lost these past 9-10 months. My surgeon is extremely happy for me. My resting heart rate is 50, which he says is awesome. My BP is 125/67 and all my blood work came back in the normal range. All my clothes are way too big, even the ones I just bought a month ago and I have stamina and can do normal tasks, as well as work out for a long time at the gym without feeling tired. I don't feel awkward in social situations, like going into a room and wondering if I'll fit in the chair. When people see me, they usually ask how much weight I've lost or say that I look great. I can see the bones in my face, in a good way! I'm not skinny in any way, but who knew I had cheekbones under there? I have no more plantar fascitis or foot pain and my back doesn't hurt anymore. I don't get winded going up a flight of stairs or walking around the mall or taking my dog out or shaving my legs. I've gone from a 24/26 size clothes to an 18-maybe even smaller since my clothes are too big now! This has not been easy, but I guess I'm amazed. It's actually working! I guess I never really believed I would continue to see the scale move down. I still can't imagine being below 200 pounds. I haven't weighed this weight since my freshman year of college and I'm now 30 years old. That was 12 years ago! Lap Band: 12/1/08 330/316/229/175 5'9" st.w/sw/cw/gw Ht. (my highest weight ever was 347) :thumbdown:

September 10, 2009

9

Yay!

232 today...after going from 238 on my home scale the day of my last doctor's appt two weeks ago, then going down to 234 on my liquid diet, and then back up to 240, I am finally starting to see some downward movement, even though it's only a few pounds in the last two weeks, I'll take it. I'm only 2 pounds away from hitting the 100 pound down mark! oh and NSV--my size 18 jeans that were super tight a few weeks ago now are falling down. I need a belt, only my waist is too wide for regular sized belts right now without feeling squished. Also, a ran into an old friend last weekend who looked at me, did a double take and was like, wow, you're looking great. Now he's known me for many years, and I don't think he's seen me at my heaviest, so that's a compliment for sure. I've gotten into a better groove with eating. I'll eat healthy 90% of the time and then allow myself the occasional fast food fix or junk food, but I look at the calories before I eat it and make sure it's nothing crazy. For example, I had a grilled chicken to go wrap from Wendy's 250 calories for lunch and another day I was going to allow myself a taco supreme from taco bell 200 calories, but then I thought it would be too messy to eat at work so I ate a healthy choice frozen meal instead. I've been trying to eat breakfast so sometimes I have a mini blueberry muffin, one day I had the low fat starbucks blueberry coffee cake which I'm sure used up the majority of my daily calories, but it was so good. I did skip lunch that day and had a super healthy dinner, so it worked out. I have to watch it right when I get home from work because that is when I'm stressed and tired and want to pig out, so I try to go to the gym or plan something with my boyfriend for that time. I eat 2 tablespoons of crunchy peanut butter some days at that time to hold me over until dinner. Dinner has been good because I get really solid protein food like chicken breasts and peas or last night it was steak and lobster tail. Since my fill is good, I can only eat a very small portion, but I'm full when I eat it, so it works out great. 3 meals and a snack in between lunch and dinner seem to keep me away from the ravenous hunger stage. I have to eat different things or I get bored and want to revert to crappy food.

August 29, 2009

1

Down another 11

I went to my follow up doctor's appointment today. It's been two months since my last visit, and I've lost a little over 11 pounds since then. I currently weigh 235, so I've lost 95 pounds total in about 81/2 months. My doctor says I'm doing awesome. I did end up getting a fill because I've been hungry in between meals the last couple of weeks and sometimes I can eat way too much food. He only put .5 of a cc in, and it feels pretty tight. I'm hoping I can still eat most of the good protein and most food, but that I'm not as hungry and that I can't eat as much of it. It feels like my weight loss is slowing down, but the doc says I'm right on track. I have been feeling sluggish some days, so he ordered a blood test to check my B12 and iron levels. I did have issues with anemia when I was younger, so I want to make sure that I'm not lacking iron now, which would make me sluggish. All in all, I'm pretty excited and I know I could never have gotten here without the band and of course, my awesome surgeon who gives me great support. I'm scheduled for another visit in four weeks. I met with the nutritionist and she suggested making sure I eat something for breakfast every day, even if it's just protein powder in my coffee and doing free weights instead of the machines at the gym. She said that it will work better because it uses your stabilization muscles. She said only beginners should do the circuit lines and I've been doing them for 8 months, so it's time to move on to something new. My mood is great and I'm excited that I'm still losing consistently. Yay!!!!

August 11, 2009

5

Minor episode

I need to post new pics, though I guess I haven't because the weight loss has been pretty slow. I didn't lose anything for awhile and one week I gained back the weight I had lost the week before, but now I'm at 237 which I'm still pretty happy about because at least it's going in the right direction. I know I could be doing better. I've been eating small portions, but "regular" food instead of "diet" food. I just got really sick of yogurt and cottage cheese. Plus I think I was too tight for awhile and that made me eat whatever I could get down. I did have an "epidsode" today though. I've been able to eat pretty well, small portions but most foods. I've eaten steak several times but only a little bit. Well today, I was out of town for the day with my boyfriend and we didn't get a chance to eat so I was super super hungry by 6pm. I met up with my friends who don't know about my WLS and ordered a ribeye. I ate it way too fast and had to throw up. The worst part was that I thought I was going to throw up right at the table. I ran to the bathroom, but it was really crowded and no one likes hearing someone puke in a restaurant, so I went outside. It was really crowded out there too with people walking around, parking, etc. I just kept hoping it would go down, but no dice. I finally puked by my car. I still felt like I needed to puke more so I paid my tab and told my friends I got suddenly sick. They were really concerned and worried. Then I had to puke again by my car. I got home, barely, and puked a little more and then laid down and was okay. Stupid of me to eat steak fast. I was actually considering getting another fill on the 11th but now I know I should not. I just need to be patient and eat healthier. I'm just impatient because it's not falling off the way it was at first. However, I know that the slow weight loss is better for the skin situation. Other than that, things are going well. I have a couple of days off work so I'm enjoying them. I'll get the official weight loss at the doctor's appointment on Aug. 11th. I'm going to keep hitting the gym and crack down on the food choices until then and hope for a good weight loss.

August 3, 2009

1

Old clothes be gone!

I cleaned out my closet tonight. I realize that none of my pants fit me. They are way too big. I have clothes ranging all the way up to 3x and 24/26. I tried on an 18W in the store today, and they were way too big as well. I actually bought a pair of workout pants in a medium. I tried them on by accident and they fit. Now granted they are stretch pants, but still! I have way too many clothes to get rid of. I think I'm going to take them to a consignment store so I can at least get a little money out of them. I don't have the patience for ebay. Now that I've gotten rid of my big clothes, my closet looks pretty empty. I did get a bunch of clothes in Orlando this weekend, so at least I have something to wear. It feels good to get rid of all the big clothes, but a part of me is wondering if I'll need them again someday. Well, out they go!

August 3, 2009

2

Hurray for 239!

I've been at 239 for the past two days. I'm really excited about being under 240. I don't even remember being in the 230's, that's how long ago it was. I was 240 after I dieted in college. I might have been around there when I started college. Everyone has been telling me how thin I look (It's relative, but still, I'll take it!) I'm in a good groove right now. My restriction has actually loosened up, but for me, that's actually been a good thing. I realize that when I'm too tight, I feel like I'm malnourished or that I need to be eating but I can't and it makes me eat crappy food. Right now, I can eat, but I'm not hungry alot and I get full quickly. I've been eating healthy and going to the gym. It's going great! I found out that the job I'm applying for is between me and one other person. Now I've decided that I really want the job, so wish me luck! I should now something in about a week or two. It will mean more income and if I leave my current job, I'll get my leave paid out, so I'll finally be able to pay off all my hospital and doctor bills. My boyfriend and I are getting along well and I'm looking forward to spending time with him this weekend. He usually works all weekend, but he has Saturday off, so we're going to a friend's cookout and doing some other fun stuff. I can't wait!:cursing:

July 23, 2009

3

Need to kick it up a notch

My fill is still holding, though it's loosened up a bit. I'm struggling with trying to eat more healthy, as my weight has stayed the same the past two weeks. I've also been slacking on going to the gym as I had last week off work and spent three of the days hanging out with my boyfriend and the rest of the week visiting my parents. I'm hoping if I'm diligent at the gym and eat healthy, I should lose more. I am pretty much where i want to be restriction-wise. I'm also just past the 6 month mark, so I want to kick it up so I continue to lose at least 10 pounds per month if possible. NSV: I've been getting alot of random people asking me how I've lost weight and telling me how good I look. My mom and I went to breakfast in Orlando and this waitress who I didn't really recognize went on and on about how great I look. I told her about the band. I'm feeling more open about it now. I think I mentioned that I told my boyfriend and he's fine with it. The only issue is that my fill was so super tight before I could barely eat anything so now he's used to me eating practically nothing and I feel bad if I'm hungry around him. I'm not sure why. I have no clothes that look good on me and I'm in a weird place with sizes. Sometimes I wear a size 18 regular in pants. 16W's fit the other day, but the tops are weird. I either wear a 1x or 18 or sometimes a 2x if it's cut small. I got to hear that one of my boyfriend's friends made a negative comment about my weight, which made me feel like crap. My self-esteem is very day by day. Some days I feel great, other days I feel like a blob still. It doesn't help that my boyfriend is super scrawny. He's tall, but really skinny and I'm by far the biggest girl he's ever dated. As far as the band, it's great. I just need to keep my head on straight.

June 16, 2009

1

Down another 8

I went to the doctor for a follow up appointment and I'm down another 8 pounds. I weigh 246 now. I feel pretty good about how I'm starting to look except for my stomach. If I wear pants that fit, they push my spare tire up. I'm still carrying way too much weight in my stomach and chest, but I'm hoping after another 50 pounds or so, it'll flatten. The doctor said I'm either too tight or just right. He gave me the option of having some taken out, but I opted to try to work with this fill. I can't eat much at all during the day--some yogurt and coffee, and then dinner is hit or miss. If I have hot soup first, I'm usually good. He said that I can call him anytime if I feel I want to have some taken out, and scheduled my next appointment for 8 weeks since he says I'm doing great and don't need to come every month. I do need to work on the protein. I haven't been getting enough in. My hair loss has slowed, but my hair is all kind of broken and uggh. I bought 2 new pairs of jeans and 2 shirts. All in size 18 (still plus size). I feel better because I feel like a slob wearing all my old clothes because they are really baggy and don't look good. I'm feeling much better. Things with my boyfriend are going really well and I'm looking forward to having the whole week off work next week. Yay!!!

June 4, 2009

1

New start

Okay, I'm gettting some new motivation. I've been hovering between 251 and 253 this week. Not bad considering I'm on a mini vacation from work and I am finally able to eat as my band has loosened up a bit. I'm determined to get under 250 (on my home scale!!). I bought a tennis racquet and two sets of tennis balls as I only had one racquet and I'm trying to convince some of my friends to play tennis with me in the evenings. I'm kind of burned out on the gym, and singles tennis is great exercise and I like to play competitive games. The only problem is that none of my friends actually play tennis, hence me buying an extra racquet. But I figure even if we chase the balls around, it's good exercise. The weather however has not been cooperating. It has been raining hard for 2 weeks straight. Even if it's not raining, the ground is so wet, it's sure to mean soggy tennis balls. I'm hoping it clears up this week so I can add evening tennis to my activities. I plan to go to the gym regularly this week, add in tennis and walking the dog, and go through my closet. Literally 90% of the clothes I own I cannot wear due to them being way too big. This is a great feeling, but also leaves me with nothing to wear. I went to Macy's for their memorial day sale and bought three shirts and a pair of pants for $50. I am in an 18W in the plus size in the tops and bottoms, though the pants are kind of big on me. As for eating, I need to log my food this week, and eat protein, protein, protein! I still have good restriction, so I should lose weight if I eat enough protein each day and exercise. I also am determined to get out of this loneliness/boredom funk by keeping my schedule busy exercising, cleaning out my closet, and I also bought a new book to read. I told my boyfriend I thought we should cool out for like a week because I've been really emotional and have been bitchy with him. He doesn't understand and asked why I can't talk to him if there's something stressing me out in my life. I plan to tell him about the surgery when we have some time alone together--which we haven't lately. We've spent alot of time together, but it's been with friends and his famly around. The time has come to tell him, I just HATE talking about weight with a boyfriend and it's very awkward for me to bring up the surgery. I also have no idea what his reaction will be or how I'm going to bring it up. I have to go back to work tomorrow, which I'm not really looking forward to, though it will give me structure and hopefully keep me busy so I get out of this loneliness/boredom funk. I work the rest of this week, all of next week, and then I'm off for a week. I don't really have any plans, as my money is tight. I'm hoping to use it as a time to get grounded and just focus on myself and get myself together. I need to get back to being the productive, motivated, happy person that I have been, and not this emotional, needy, anxious, person that I seem to have become the last couple of weeks. I need to keep focused on my goals!!!!

May 27, 2009

1

too tight?

Sorry I haven't posted lately, but there's a bunch of drama going on at work. It's got me pretty stressed out. I was doing great after the fill, but now I'm thinking I may be too tight. I can drink liquids fine, but if I try to eat anything, it hurts. I try to eat yogurt for breakfast and I can't finish it because it hurts to eat it. Later in the day it was better, but the past few days, I can't seem to eat anything. I ordered a salad tuesday night and could only eat 2 bites. It hurt and I couldn't eat anymore. I don't lose weight well when I can't eat anything either. My body holds onto the calories I do eat and then when I can eat something, I'll gain. I want to see if I can lose some weight this week and if it'll loosen up, as it usually does as the month goes on, but if I'm still this tight on Monday, I'm going to see about a slight unfill. At least being this tight I won't be tempted to eat too much this weekend. I'm visiting my parents. I've tried to eat most of the food that is usually okay, and it all hurts. I couldn't even eat soup the other night. This is teaching me to eat MUCH slower though. I can nibble if I go extremely slow. It still hurts, but at least I've been able to get some protein down. I don't have acid reflux and don't feel any other side effects. It just hurts when I eat. Weird. Other than that, everything's going great. Well, work sucks. They are giving us a 2% pay cut due to the budget. :thumbup: But the boyfriend is being awesome and I'm very happy with the relationship. I've met his friends now and I think they like me. Our sleep/work schedules are out of synch, so we don't get to spend as much time together as we'd both like, but he is definitely making a big effort to see me more. I'm looking forward to the weekend. It'll be good to see my parents. I'm just dreaming about solid food!!!

May 7, 2009

1

Down another 9

I went for my fill/follow up yesterday and I am down another 9 pounds. I currently weigh 253. The doctor said I'm doing great and he gave me another fill, which was a breeze. I'm still on liquids today. I ate some yogurt and had to eat it very very very slowly and I wasn't sure it was going to go down. I just had a protein shake and water yesterday. I'm feeling great. I've been consistently going to the gym and I'm starting to run out of clothes that fit! I'm wearing an 18 in top and bottom, but it's a women's 18. I can't wait to wear regular clothes! I ended up not getting sick like I thought I was last week and this past weekend was amazing. We went to a comedy club, tubing down the river, an awesome barbeque and a gun show and dinner with my boyfriend's family on Sunday. It was one of the best weekends I've had in a very long time. His mom keeps sending cake home with me! I still haven't told him about the band. We've gotten much closer now, I guess I'll tell him when I'm ready. What's amazing is that it really is not noticeable that there is anything different except for the scars on my stomach and the few days right after a fill when I really can't eat anything. People have been telling me regularly how great I look and I feel like I'm starting to look much better. I'm almost to my under 250 goal, which I'm really looking forward to. The next goal will be 240. I remember weighing 255 back in college and going on a diet and getting to 240 and remembering how sexy I felt! We'll see if I feel that way this time. It's been a few years! My goals are to eat healthy, small portions, and exercise regularly, but I'm going to enjoy life along the way. I'm not going to beat myself up or stick to a strict diet all the time. I feel like I could have lost more weight last month, so I'm going to try harder this month, but I'm not going to kill myself. It's coming off, slowly but surely! All in all, I feel great!

April 29, 2009

2

nothing new...

Sadly, I don't have anything new to report. I've been working, going to the gym, spending time with friends and the boyfriend. I guess no news is good news? I'm up and down the same five pounds since the fill. I feel restriction because I can't eat several different things--bread, steak, anything big, but for some reason I've been hungry alot. I have to "diet" to lose weight, and then if I have a bad day of eating, the scale jumps back up. I think my body likes the 260s for some reason. And I am so looking forward to the 250s... I haven't been getting enough sleep lately, so I'm sure that's not helping. My goals for the next week is to keep working out, eat out less, and get 8 hours of sleep! In good news, people keep commenting how "skinny" I look (relative term to what I was before, I will never be "skinny'!) In bad news, I was really tired the other night and slipped and fell in the shower and busted my face. I hit my chin mostly, and it cut and bled and I have a huge purple, black, and yellow bruise. I look like I was in a fist fight. My knees and elbows are bruised and I also have a knot on my head. No fun! It could have been much worse though. My face hit the ceramic pretty hard. I thought I broke my jaw, but no, I'm actually okay, I just look bad. Work has been brutal. I have a couple days off next week and I'm really looking forward to it. Tomorrow is Friday!!!

April 18, 2009

3

back to basics

So since my great doctor's appointment I've had really good restriction. I'm not hungry very often and when I do eat, if I don't chew well and eat small bites, I get a very painful feeling in my chest. I thought I was going to have to throw up a deli sliced piece of turkey for lunch on Monday. I waited it out and it went down. I lost another 3-4 pounds after the fill, and then after a weekend of eating some lemon bars that I made for my boyfriend (bad idea to have some left over) and drinking three marguaritas Sat night and 1 big alcoholic drink on Sunday, I was up the 3-4 pounds again. :thumbup: I cracked down this week and am now eating like I do when I'm serious about losing and that is coffee, yogurt, cottage cheese and a healthy dinner. Last night I had broiled fish (orange roughy) and broccoli. I've been to the gym every day so far this week and am actually headed there now. I'm down 2 of the 4 I gained back. It's scary that I can gain weight so easily. I know that my weight fluctuates with water and throughout the day so I try not to be too hard on myself, but I can't let myself get off track. I think some of it may be due to only eating liquids right after a fill and then switching to solid foods. I'm staying at 1200 calories a day, so I should continue to go down if my metabolism functions like it should. It's so easy to get addicted to sweets, so I'm outlawing them again for awhile. I really have been having trouble eating a lot of different foods, but I need to just remember to eat slow slow slow. I'm going to church with my bf on Sunday and then we're going to sunday brunch, so I'll need to really be careful about eating slowly. I've been obsessing about how bad my boobs look and I'm getting saggy skin fears. I know I'm happy about the weight I've lost and sometimes I feel that I look really good and then other times I'll catch myself in the mirror and get horrified. I know I need to concentrate on losing and working out and see what happens, but my arms look really bad. They just hang. It's not all skin, there's a lot of fat still in them, but wow they look bad. If the excess skin was gone, they would be pretty small and toned right now. Oh well, I guess you're supposed to wait until you're at goal for year to give your skin time to shrink back, so we'll see. I'm just impatient and want to look good now! Here's a new pic I just took.

April 9, 2009

1

Fill today--Down another 12

:thumbup:I went for a fill today and I've lost 12 pounds this month! I was really happy because I was sick for one week and had birthday stuff (lots of food) another week, so I really cracked down this past week before the appointment and it paid off. He also checked and he had put in 6.8 ccs last time and there was only about 5 ccs in there this time, so the fluid went somewhere! He said usually if you have a leak it is a fast leak and the restriction is gone by the time you get home, so he doesn't think it's a leak. Sometimes I guess it gets absorbed or something? But I can't complain, it just means that regular fills are what I need and that my instincts were right, there was less fluid in there. He put me up to 7.3ccs. I've only been drinking fluids, but I'll let you know how that goes. I'm down 68 pounds!!!

March 31, 2009

4

First Goal--Done!

Well, I've been going to the gym and eating well and I'm down to 267 on my home scale!!! I've met my first goal!!! YAY!!! Now we'll just see how I weigh tomorrow at the doctor's office. It's usually a few pounds lower than my home scale, but we'll see. I think I've only lost about 8 pounds this month, maybe more, maybe less. I know I should be grateful since I lost over 18 pounds last month, but I'm so impatient! One thing though is I really don't have any clothes that filt me well. All my pants hang off my butt now. Even the ones I just bought last month. My friend who doesn't know I had the band told me last night that now that I'm losing weight you can really tell that i'd look much better with a breast reduction. I was mildly insulted by that, but I'm not sure why since I've told her that I wanted one. I guess it's just because I feel like the timing isn't right because I want to wait until I lose more so I don't "undo" it by losing alot more weight. I also want to see how I look because I really don't want to cut up my boobs for no reason. They are hanging too low though And they are still really big, though they have gotten alot smaller as well. They are just big proportionately. Though I think it would be cool to be skinny with big boobs. But not big boobs that hang to my knees! On the other hand, I know my insurance company would pay for a breast reduction now. I've read the policy and it says you have to have a certain amount taken out and I don't want to miss my window for them to pay for it, because they lift them too. I'm just scared of losing sensation and I've seen "after" pictures and I don't like most of them. I like the shape of my boobs, I just wish they were higher and of course smaller. I also hear that plastics is pretty painful and I'd have to take more time off work.. and have some explanation to the boyfriend and since it's a new relationship I have no idea how he would react to that..Well I have time to think about it. Any input would be great! I'm going to ask my doctor at my appointment tomorrow what he thinks and if he thinks I might have a leak and then ask for another fill. My next goal is to be below 250. Now that I'm eating healthy and exercising, I'm feeling better too. It's amazing how you just get back in the habit and it becomes much easier. But it's also easy to get in the habit of eating alot of carbs and fat and not working out! It'll be a challenge to stay motivated but I'm optimistic about it.:biggrin:

March 31, 2009

3

Leak?

So I've had a really bad cold for the past week, so I haven't been to the gym and I've also been really hungry lately. I don't have much restriction so I've been eating pretty badly. I haven't gained any weight, but I haven't lost any either and I have yet to see 269 on the scale. I have another doctor appointment on Tuesday and I'm going to ask him if it's possible that I have a leak. I just don't get how I could barely eat any food at all three weeks ago and now I can eat anything (almost). It's also going to be one of the slower months for weight loss. I'm going to try and step it up this last week, but going from eating nothing to eating alot and not working out has not resulted in a large weight loss for the month. I'll be lucky to have lost 10 pounds, and I say lucky because it may be less. I'm going to count my blessings though and get back on it this week. I also am going to try for more restriction at the next appointment. The guy I've been dating for the past month may know all my secrets including all the gory details of my lapband. My hard drive crashed and he helped me out by putting in the new one, but a few days later he "mentioned" that he was able to save my old hard drive--onto his computer!!! He said he didn't look through it, but I don't know that i believe him. It had before and after pictures, the letter I wrote to the insurance company to get the surgery, and a Video blog I took before I started this whole thing. It's not that I don't plan on telling him eventually if this works out, it's just that my computer had really personal stuff on it and I'm embarrassed by the fact that he may know it all now. But hindsight is 20/20 and I can't do anything about it now, so I'm going to try and not stress over it. If he did read it all, he's still talking to me but wow, I look really bad in some of those "before" pictures. I also would like to explain it in my own time rather than have someone reading through my personal journals, that are more personal than this journal by far! I'm trying not to stress over this! I'm hoping he didn't read through my hard drive! I'm going out of town this weekend for my cousin's shower, so I'll be unable to go to the gym at my parent's house and of course they love to push food at me, but I'm determined to lose some more weight before the appointment on Tuesday. I'll keep updates on how it goes.

March 26, 2009

1

Happy Happy Birthday

Well, my birthday dinner went great. I got off work early, got ready and my "date" came by early to give me two presents which he wrapped himself and pick me up to take me to dinner. I got to dinner and all of my friends were there on time. It was so great to have everyone there together. Everyone seemed to get along great and have a great time. We ate japanese hibachi. I ordered filet mignon and lobster and it was wonderful. I got to see a couple of my friends that I haven't seen in a long time, and it made me miss spending more time with them and resolve to talk to them more. I received several really nice presents and one of my friends brought an ice cream cake. I was so full after dinner, but it was well worth it. I had an amazing time. I weighed myself the next morning and was down 2 pounds. I'm not sure how I gained a pound earlier in the week when I hadn't been eating much at all and then ate a lot at dinner Wed and lost weight, but hey, I'll take it. I'm now at 270. One pound away from my birthday goal. After dinner, I went by one of my friend's and saw her and her boyfriend's new house, which was really nice and my boyfriend and I hung out there for awhile and then went back to my place where we continued spending some quality time together and talking. I didn't get much sleep and woke up on Thursday with a massive cold. I've felt pretty sick with a bad cold ever since and my hard drive crashed. I've had the computer a little over a year and it just went out of warranty. I ended up buying a new hard drive today and I left my computer with my boyfriend, who was nice enough to agree to change out the hard drive and install everything again and make sure it is running on "optimal performance" (whatever that means!). I'm using my work laptop for now. I think my boyfriend and I have come to a better understanding and have bonded more. He was telling me the other night how in his past relationships he spent every waking second with the person for five years or more and then it didn't work out and that basically it makes him want to change how he behaves in a relationship. He actually started crying. I felt really bad for him, but it also made me think that I'm not sure how I feel about him at this point (it's only been a month), and I can't promise him that it won't be the same way with us. We left it with us both just seeing what happens and taking it one day at a time, but he has been much more attentive since then--calling every day and being much more involved in my life. I still haven't told him about the lapband. He's told me so many personal things about himself, I'm not sure why I haven't told him, but it takes me awhile to open up about things. I hide my stomach and he thinks that it's because I'm self-concious about my "belly" and tells me I'm being silly, but in reality, I don't want him to see my scars. I'm sure he'd be great about it if/when I tell him, but for now, I like keeping my secrets. I had off work Friday and I have Monday off too. It sucks that I'm sick for my mini vacation, but I took a bunch of cold medicine and am starting to feel better. Sunday is my actual birthday and my boyfriend is taking me to the gun range so we can go target shooting, which I've been wanting to do for a long time. I'm really looking forward to it. My friend Melissa and her husband are getting oysters tomorrow (my absolute favorite food!) and cooking them on the grill. I can't wait! This weekend is going to go by way too quickly, I can tell already, but I'm going to enjoy every minute. Now if I can just drop that last pesky pound to my goal and get over this cold, everything would be perfect!:sneaky:

March 21, 2009

3

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