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Days 3 and 4

I did not blog yesterday because I was depressed. It is so weird to be depressed over food! I ate well, napped, did some homework and then I went for a walk with my dog, Bimini.   The walking did help, it was a beautiful day in Atlanta. I just felt sad that I have to make these changes for life. I know it is the best thing for me, but it is like saying goodbye to a friend that has been around for a long time. But really for me food is a frenemy! I love it but if I keep up the same habits, the food will kill me eventually.   So, yesterday, while walking, I took some deep breaths, stretched and really made myself be in the moment of walking, and enjoying the sun, wind and air. When I got home I was sweaty and hot and of course hungry. I ate a piece of pork loin, salad, broccoli and a small amount of brown rice. And I physically felt better. It is the head stuff I am going to have to work through.   This morning so far, I had cherrios, yogurt and I am dying for a cup of coffee! I do not feel hungry at all. That is important because if I get hungry I end up eating everything and anything I can get my hands on. :rolleyes2:   Once again, I just have to take it one meal at a time, we shall see how it goes.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

2
 

Day 5

Wow! It really is getting easier. I think blogging really helps as well. This morning I was a little hungry, I had a cup of cherrios and an egg. I feel fine right now.   I think I am going to have to deal with the emotional highs and lows of the whole food issue. It is much easier to deal with if I am not hungry. Hunger + not being able to bindge on favorites= DANGER! :thumbup:   Anyway so far so good, I have all of my food here with me for the day. It is really a process to eat right, you have to prepare your food ahead of time! What a concept:lol:!
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

2
 

Days 7 and 8

I did not feel like posting yesterday. No reason, just got lazy. I was on the forum, just reading, I really enjoy that.   Yesterday was Sunday, so my husband wanted us to start going to church. I best describe myself as a Christian, but I don't neccessarily think one needs to go to church every Sunday. However, I do enjoy it. Yesterday the guest preacher talked about us being perfect, because we were created by God. I do believe that, but since God gave us free will and after all, we are only human, I don't necssarily see anything wrong with one wanting to improve himself. He mainly was talking about people in the magazines who are desperately skinny and the ones who have multiple plastic surgeries. There is a difference between what I am doing and someone who wants larger breasts and less facial wrinkles. Breasts and wrinkles do not result in serious health issues, like diabetes, heart dz, stroke, etc. But I do get it there is going to have to be a point were I am satisfied with who I am and what I look like.   I never wanted to be so thin, my ribs show! Yuck. When I was a student nurse in college, we worked on a psych-medical unit. A lot of the patients were anorexics. I mean, these were young girls my age at the time (18), who weighed no more than 80 or so pounds. I just thought how sad and what is going on with them that they don't want to eat! Well, that is what I was learning about. But none the less, I did not aspire to look like that or even close, ever!   I just want to be healthy, eat well, and live an active lifestlye. Not too much to ask but I do need to set a goal for myself before I actually go in for the surgery. I am thinking 165lbs would be good for me. That would be 100lbs less than I am now. We shall see..:thumbup:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

2
 

Testing done!!

When I woke this morning, I had planned on doing a quick blog before I went for the procedures, but I got lazy.   Anyway, the upper GI and the GB ultrasound are done. The GB ultrasound was pretty routine, I just laid there while she scanned my GB, Kidneys, liver and spleen. NO BIG DEAL. The Upper GI was fine as well, with the exception of drinking that chalky barium! So, you drink the barium, swallow it and the tech has you hold your breath. Well, then you are laid down on the xray table and you have to roll from side to side (they want to watch the barium as it goes down into the gi track). That was it. Now the warning you are given is that the barium will stick to the bowel, so you need to drink lots of water and eat a high fiber diet. I can handle that.:smile:   So, then I go to see Dr. Steinberg, I am all ready to get a date, I have my calendar, my hubby is with me, we go over the consents and.....NO DATE UNTIL THURSDAY:tt2:. Okay so the joke is on me. I guess the surgical coordinator person has to schedule the surgery.   While talking with Dr. Steinberg, we came to the conclusion, that I will be better off with a lap bypass! I have pre-diabetes and I am already on Metformin for it and PCOS, so whatever, I am just ready to make the lifestlye change. I am ready to make the commitment to a new life and a new body.   So while the finish line is still in the distance, I can see it. The most anxiety for me was waiting for the insurance approval.   OH! One more thing. We discussed my goal weight. For me I would be happy at 155-160. Well his goal weight for me is 136! We started to buck about it, but then I told him to let me go through the surgery first and then we can talk about it more. I never wanted to be a toothpick and I think for me 136 will be too small! That is 134lbs!!!   Soooooo overwhelming. I will write again on Monday.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

Lah De Dah!!

I am sitting here at work, watching the clock. I hope I don't get anymore patients. I am just really feeling tired. I think I am getting to old to work 12 hours anymore. I cannot complain, though. I do not stay that busy and I am able to get some of my school work done. But since I only have 30 minutes left, I think I will blog. I was just reading over my past postings and it makes me feel so uncomfortable to think someone besides myself is actually reading this. In a large group and superficially, I am fine with social groups. But when it comes to one-on-one discussions I just freeze. I guess sometimes I don't know what to say...oops gotta go will write more later......
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

Less than a month!

Well, It I offically have less than a month to go before surgery. I feel like a kid right before Christmas!! I am so excited. I told my husband we need to celebrate my birthday (10/15) and our 3rd year anniversary (10/30) this weekend! I think we will go have Itlian food at Maggiano's in Buckhead. I love Itlian and I don't think I will be able to eat it for a while after the surgery.   I had an uneventful weekend. Hurricane Ike hit TX, so I was watching that on TV. I hope and pray for those families affected. Of course, I have been keeping up with the politics. We (in the US) are voting this year. I am a democrat, so this whole Palin thing is making me crazy. I don't understand if someone is a Sen. Clinton supporter, they think that those same people would support Palin! I hope they don't think we are that stupid! Enough of that!   I do look forward to my new life, though. Last night I stood in front of the mirror and looked at my body! :cursing: I have not done that in a looooonng time. I tried to imagine how I would look 125lbs less...very difficult. I didn't feel as disgusted as I thought I would have. I think, because I have been so heavy for so long, I have just accepted the way I look. I am blessed in that, my husband loves me as I am. I do think he will also enjoy me just as well if I am smaller. I cannot wait to see!:frown:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

Reading....

So, I have been all over the forum reading about what people had to do preop, especially with diets. I am definately going to go on my low fat low carb, high protein diet, starting Monday 09/22/08. It will be interesting, because I have not really dieted since January. I am a little anxious about it, mainly because it just makes the whole thing more real. I am 270 today and I would love to loose at least 10lbs before surgery. I need to "purge" my body of bad carbs, sodas and unhealthy fats. I have been eating HORRIBLY lately and I know it is because I feel like "this is it". I will no longer be able to eat all of this unhealthy stuff. I have been eating stuff I usually don't eat, like chocolate, hard candy, cakes, etc. This is even more of a reason to do a cleansing for myself. I usually drink 10 glasses of water per day, I have not been doing that. I try to walk 3 times per week, I have just been a total slug! 'sigh' I really need to get out of this rut. My husband just called and said we need to go grocery shopping. So, this weekend I plan on getting some stuff for him and the things I will need post op. I plan on eating a lot of chicken over the next three weeks. I don't like fish, so that is not an option for me. I do plan on eating plenty of beans, veggies and a limited number of fruits, most likely apples and pears and maybe a grapefruit or two. :cursing:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

Here I GO

Well:eek:,   I am very nervous! I have BCBS of RI and everything has been submitted to my physician, Dr. Steinberg as of today.   Now, I have to wait to hear from the insurance company. I have heard that Shawna is very good at getting everything together for the office.   I really hope to get approval. I started this whole journey on 05/15/08, when I went to the information meeting. Since then, I have done all of the footwork. The psych clearence took the longest, which is no surprise. I do have issues with food.:tt2:, obviously. I want to do everything correctly this time. Which includes going to meetings and continuing with my therapy.   I think the excercise and diet stuff will be easy, compared to that.   tick tock.......
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

August 22nd 2008...Still Waiting

:tt2: I am still waiting. I think I will call Shawna, she is the new patient coordinator for Dr. Steinberg. I am really getting antsy.   I need to just relax, right? I have not really done much in the way of behavior mod. for the new life I will have. I think it is all still a dream, that it may or may not really happen. I don't want to get my hopes up and then get disappointed! That would suck.   I am just tired of being this big! Yes I can diet, but I will loose and gain and loose and gain!! My husband is supportive...although he wants me to try dieting "one more time". I told him, it has not worked in the past 20 years, so I cannot imagine that it will work now, nothing is different.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

Day 2

I am at the end of day 2. I did okay, I started obsessing about food, but not just food the bad stuff, chips, cake, cookies, ice cream...."sigh":sad:   I slept for about 3 hours, just to avoid it. I did walk the dog and watched a good show, but this is sooo hard for me. I think it is because I have failed so many times before and the little voice in my head saying "you may as well wait for the surgery, you are not going to stick with it" ARG! Those damned little voices!:rolleyes2:   Right now I am just drinking a diet coke and typing on my blog. This is a calorie free activity. I will write more tomorrow.:clap:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

'tick tock' tick tock'

:tt2: The confused look seems to be my look of the week. I am so trying not to obsess with the whole approval vs not approval thing.   If I get approved, I have a date in mind and a schedule worked out. I work 12 hours at a retail clinic, so I need to make sure I pace myself well. I will most likely take vacation time and then just bunch the rest of the days together as days off. I plan on working a few extra weekends because I only have to do 6 hours on the weekend. That is IF I am approved.   If I am not approved, I guess, I will have to go through the whole appeal process, which does not seem too difficult. The difficulty will come if I receive a final denial.:w00t:   But, at this point, I am stil just in the waiting phase and I cannot focus on something I cannot control.   Once this is all done, I am seriously thinking about getting another job, maybe at the beginning of the year...I will have to see. I just began a doctorate program. I hope by the time I finish these biostats and epidemiology courses, I gain some knowledge...
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

Update My story I sent to someone thinking about RNY vs Band

attended an information session, here in decatur, GA in 2006, my weight was 247 at 5'8". I was 100% sold on having LAP-BAND®®®. I did extensive research (I am a Nurse Practitioner, by the way) and STILL was 100% FOR LAP-BAND®®®. Unfortunately, I let my dad and husband talk me out of having it done. Fast forward to Jan 2008. By then I was up to 267, this is after going on yet another diet, my fasting blood sugar was 119, I was put on metformin. There was a information session on 05/14/2008, which I attended the MD was Scott Steinberg, who I love. Anyway he discussed the LAP-BAND®®® and GBS. Again, I left thinking I am going to get the LAP-BAND®®®, of course! So, I did more research and discovered that the cure for type II DM, is gastric bypass! What???? I then began doing more research and found that there is a 99% cure rate for type II DM with gastric bypass. That is when I started changing my mind. The things I did not like about gastric bypass, was the malabsorption issues and the potential for dumping syndrome (I will go back to that in a min.) Anyway, I told my dad, mom and hubby that I had to do this...for me! I have BCBS PPO and the office people were GREAT! They gave me a list of things I needed to submit and viola! After my psych clearance, I was given a date. 10/14/2008, the day before my 44th birthday. On the day of surgery, I weighed 275, I was sooo nervous and scared. Everything went well. My recovery was quite painless. I did have to stay overnight, not too bad. Then when I got home I began walking 3 miles per day. I checked my blood sugars, and found after week 1 I no longer needed the metformin. I am almost 1 year out and I weigh....(drumroll please) 185! I still have a way to go and a lot more to learn, but I am on my way for sure. Some caveats: Protein: use UNJURY.com. It is the best tasting protein shakes you can think of. I have a cup of chocolate soy milk (I don't like cow's milk) with a scoop of the vanilla unjury and I really feel like I am have a milk shake every morning Vitamins, calcium and vit. B: DO IT everyday, if you don't you will have NO energy. I get my vitamin B12 and bcomplex from biartricadvantage.com They have different flavors of the calcium mint, chocolate, etc. Yummy! Exercise: DO IT, I must admit, I am not the best at this. I do yoga every morning and evening. I was someone who could not imagine working out everyday, but I do, walk, it will speed up your weight loss! DUMPING: DON NOT DO THIS!! :cryin g:If you eat too many carbs, it will happen. You will feel as though you are having a heart attack. Of course, I had to challenge this by having a HUGE piece of cake. Well, i dumped. What is dumping??? Basically, your metabolism changes, so when you eat too many carbs, as you know your body produces and sends out massive amounts of insulin. Remember, if you have gastric bypass your body does not absorb all of that sugar. The small intestine is bypassed, so it goes straight to your gut. This is like taking 5000U of insulin, very scary and dangerous. My husband wanted to take me to the ER, and I refused I was too embarrassed, it did pass, but I really really will never do that again. I prayed to HIM to let me get through it! Thank God for Jesus, really.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

Update My story I sent to someone thinking about RNY vs Band

I attended an information session, here in decatur, GA in 2006, my weight was 247 at 5'8". I was 100% sold on having LAP-BAND®®®®. I did extensive research (I am a Nurse Practitioner, by the way) and STILL was 100% FOR LAP-BAND®®®®. Unfortunately, I let my dad and husband talk me out of having it done. Fast forward to Jan 2008. By then I was up to 267, this is after going on yet another diet, my fasting blood sugar was 119, I was put on metformin. There was a information session on 05/14/2008, which I attended the MD was Scott Steinberg, who I love. Anyway he discussed the LAP-BAND®®®® and GBS. Again, I left thinking I am going to get the LAP-BAND®®®®, of course! So, I did more research and discovered that the cure for type II DM, is gastric bypass! What???? I then began doing more research and found that there is a 99% cure rate for type II DM with gastric bypass. That is when I started changing my mind. The things I did not like about gastric bypass, was the malabsorption issues and the potential for dumping syndrome (I will go back to that in a min.) Anyway, I told my dad, mom and hubby that I had to do this...for me! I have BCBS PPO and the office people were GREAT! They gave me a list of things I needed to submit and viola! After my psych clearance, I was given a date. 10/14/2008, the day before my 44th birthday. On the day of surgery, I weighed 275, I was sooo nervous and scared. Everything went well. My recovery was quite painless. I did have to stay overnight, not too bad. Then when I got home I began walking 3 miles per day. I checked my blood sugars, and found after week 1 I no longer needed the metformin. I am almost 1 year out and I weigh....(drumroll please) 185! I still have a way to go and a lot more to learn, but I am on my way for sure. Some caveats: Protein: use UNJURY.com. It is the best tasting protein shakes you can think of. I have a cup of chocolate soy milk (I don't like cow's milk) with a scoop of the vanilla unjury and I really feel like I am have a milk shake every morning Vitamins, calcium and vit. B: DO IT everyday, if you don't you will have NO energy. I get my vitamin B12 and bcomplex from biartricadvantage.com They have different flavors of the calcium mint, chocolate, etc. Yummy! Exercise: DO IT, I must admit, I am not the best at this. I do yoga every morning and evening. I was someone who could not imagine working out everyday, but I do, walk, it will speed up your weight loss! DUMPING: DON NOT DO THIS!! :cryin g:If you eat too many carbs, it will happen. You will feel as though you are having a heart attack. Of course, I had to challenge this by having a HUGE piece of cake. Well, i dumped. What is dumping??? Basically, your metabolism changes, so when you eat too many carbs, as you know your body produces and sends out massive amounts of insulin. Remember, if you have gastric bypass your body does not absorb all of that sugar. The small intestine is bypassed, so it goes straight to your gut. This is like taking 5000U of insulin, very scary and dangerous. My husband wanted to take me to the ER, and I refused I was too embarrassed, it did pass, but I really really will never do that again. I prayed to HIM to let me get through it! Thank God for Jesus, really.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

Diet? What Diet?????????????

Okay, so here I am. I really did try, I lost 10lbs, but..well..I cheated and I need to get back on track.   I was hungry and out and about, so I stopped and got not one but 2 large fries!!! WHAT!??? They tasted sooo good. I really need this surgery. I get into trouble with I feel hungry and I have too many choices.   But this morning I am back on the ball, I had some oatmeal and I am drinking coffee, which is another issue I am going to have to deal with! I really only went off the plan for that one meal, but, I need to be more careful and pack snacks with me, especially if I am going to run errands.   I am down to 11 more days, and I cannot wait! I am excited for the surgerya dn the time off work....WHOOOO HOOOOO!!
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

The Road Not Taken By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;   Then took the other, as just as fair And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that, the passing there Had worn them really about the same,   And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.   I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: two roads diverged in a wood, and I -- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference   Robert Frost
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

2008 to 2019

Hello to anyone out there who is reading this.  it has been 11 years since my gastric bypass and wow!  I was reading my past entries things have certainly changed for me. I had the weight problem, lost about 90lbs, became an alcoholic, got divorced, remarried, moved to Houston, then back to Atlanta, became  born again, through the peace and grace of Jesus Christ!, traveled monthly to RI to check on my parents, lost my brother and father in 2019, relapsed with alcohol several times, as of today I have been sober for 2 years!~~~~WHEW! So now I am married to Michael White, someone I have loved for over 30 years, I am living sober, grieving the loss of my brother, Chip 01/09/2019 and my Dad, Ray 09/06/2019. As for the weight, I am now 208lbs and not really happy at this weight, but Thank God it's not 275!  The most important part of my journey is that I became a Christian, I would have been dead by now if I had not done that.   I feel okay today, some days are difficult because I do not drink alcohol anymore, so I have to depend on God through everything...opps gotta run....
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

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