I decided to blog my thoughts and feelings because so many intrude my mind and try to steal my joy from my current success. Sometimes I am so happy with my loss, other times, I cant help but to put myself down for the failures. I have always been too hard on myself and this experience is no different. Yes, I have lost 49 pounds in two months but why isnt that good enough for me? Im wondering if my sense of competiveness and the need to do above level is tainting my ability to have joy in my success. This last week as been quite the struggle for me emotionally. I have been very frustrated because the scale had me down last week and losing and this week it has me up 5 pounds. I didnt have my bp meds which include a diuretic and my legs got very swollen and still are a little. but after a week of takin them, you would think it would be gone and id be back down to where i was but that isnt the case. Im still up 4 pounds! Needless to say, I am feeling like a huge failure right now. I really wanted to be in the 210s by my husband christmas party which is on dec 12 but I dont see that happening. On the brighter side, I dont always feel this way, just sometimes, its like my mind switches into negative mode and all I can do is focus on the bad. The positive I must focus on today. Ive lost alot of weight in two months, Ive dropped to a 24 to an 18 pants and I look so much better than what I did before. I knew this journey would be hard for me emotionally. I knew my mind would try to play tricks on me. But for now, let us all be celebrative of our successes. Let us reflect on the new us, the one we have become and will be.
