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No longer the doormat!

Recently I had to purchase a dress for a wedding I was attending. Shopping with friends they convienced me to step out of my "old ideas" of me and think new. Think bold,colorful and fun. Surprisingly I found a dress at the 2nd store we went to. As you know a new outfit requires new shoes. If there is one thing I know. It's shoes. Fastforward to the day of the wedding. When I put on this dress with the shoes a new me emerged. I felt confident and well sexy. I have curves in areas I never noticed before, or perhaps wanted to notice. I walked into that wedding feeling more confident than I can ever recall. Needless to say I danced my booty off. Some point during the reception some men where flinging wedding favors at guest. They were launched off of a spoon. One struck me in the chest. It hurt and I was pissed off. Out of respect for the bride a dear friend of mine I held back to my anger. Once I saw the men exit the reception area to go outside I confronted them. I would have NEVER done this prior to my surgery. I would of let it go. Was always a doormat. As I approached the 2 men they were laughing it up outside. They took notice I was approaching them. I confronted their inappropriate behavior asking them if either were going to apologize. Both played the who me, wasn't me game. As I left I informed them you don't want to be a man and own up to your action that is on you. I still cannot believe I approached this 2 idiots. I use to shy away from confrontation. Now I stick up for me with my new attitude. And by the way my shoes were fabulous! I posted a pic of me in the dress with the shoes. The pic is dark, but I had to post it.
Maranda

Maranda

3
 

Its been 7months and 17 days since my initial blog

I got my approval letter in the end of August and had my surgery on Sept 30. It was the start of my new life. I went in very scared not of the procedure but making it thru. I figured after I made it thru the rest I can handle. I have had many hills to climb in my life. Waking from surgery I was so excited. I was alone. Had no support with me. My spouse dropped me off at the hospital and bolted. Not that I wanted him there but if the shoe was on the other foot. I would of been there. I refused pain meds while in post op. My b/p was low so I ended up being in the hospital for 8hrs. Went home and started my life. I am 6months and 2 days out. I have lost almost 40lbs and I am thrilled. I have my days when I have just not been my full potential. But I know this is one journey I am enjoying. I use to be a shopper. Since my surgery I purchased 1 dress and jacket to wear to 3 different occassions. I refuse to buy anything. I am taking handme downs. I have no shame. Why pay good money for clothes I will not get to wear maybe longer than 6months or less. Not worth it. Must be frugal. I do feel the way I eat and what little I eat I should be a bird by now. But I am ok. I actually found my legs to start to look kinda sexy from the knees down. I have athletic legs and always thought even though toned they are big for a lady. Now looking pretty good. I will never be a Heidi Klum, Lloyds of London will not ensure them. But I will ensure I will be rocking the shorts this summer. I have found I enjoy taking my picture now. I am not worried too much about angles and only get me from the neck up shot. I have found I am much more vocal about my feelings. I am not longer the door mat. I can say no to people and not feel guilty or be made to feel guilty. I have found new found strength in me. I have always been extremely independently. I don't rely on anyone for anything. I can do it or will do it on my own. That way I don't owe anyone anything. My marriage has sufferred. Perhaps from my new found confidnece. Perhaps it was in misery alot longer than before this which is true and I had hope then. I know whatever decisions I make reguarding me, my happiness my weight, my life I will be in control. I hold the keys. I am driving my life to where I have wanted to be for a very very long time. This is my confession.
Maranda

Maranda

2
 

The Jeopardy theme song now playing..

I started the process about a month ago. I went for a consult to see Dr. Artuso. 1st time meeting him. He answered all my 20 questions I had and said if this was want I want to do then I would be a perfect candidate. Leaving his office the receptionist who are amazing told me there was a openings to the needed consults the next day. I got my cardio and pulmonary consult done the next day. Received my letter of necessity from my primary on Friday of that week (talk about timing, when I called his office he was leaving that saturday for 3 weeks out of the country dr's without borders. ) I had my CXR that weekend. I had the echiogram done on Tuesday and a stress test on Wednesday. Saw my cardiologist on Wednesday and he said all is go and given his approval. Saw the nutritionist on Thursday and after a long chat she said I was an excellent candidate. I expressed a concern not getting approved as I do not have any comorbities. Not to steal someones quote but I too seem to be a healthy fat person. My BMI is 46.9 percent. My knees and feet hurt all the time. Even at night when I have them elevated. I work 2 jobs. One is a supervisor in a group for the state home. I often work over 8hours a day. Sometimes I am on my feet all day running around. My other job is a work as a LPN for a nursing agency doing per diem work. That is a 8 hrs of nonstop go go go. I barely get a chance to sit down to eat or even go to the bathroom.   My decision to get the band came after a long thought of over 5yrs. I have had this dr. number for that long. I have talked to nurses who have had the gastric bypass. I dont know anyone personally who has had the lapband. I went 2yrs ago to a seminar at Westchester medical center sat thru it. Walking out feeling like you know what.. "I put this weight on by my own hand and mouth I need to take it off" I joined a gym days later. I would go to the gym 5-6 days a week and pound the hell out of myself. 2yrs later I had made little dent. I had gone to my primary and had routine bloodwork. Hoping my thryroid was to blame.. NOTHING. Back to the gym I go. Fast forward to this summer. In June I was at my sisters house. Wihin a matter of 1 hour I broke the stairs to her pool, and inflatable floatation device and 1 stair going up a set up steps. Thank god I was amongst family. I was humiliated. That was a breaking point for me. I am tired of living life not to the fullest. I would rather now sleep then go out shopping or stay at home watching tv. My feet hurt more often than not. So now I wait...:confused2:
Maranda

Maranda

1
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