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Fat girl on campus

what its like to be me, in one day.   the biggest of my friends here in denton is a size 7 (there are 11 girls 4 guys) then theres me, the 24 whos in size 26 denial.   so my new school was built on a hill, but before that, lets ring the alarm at 7am! ok so since my surgery, i can tie my shoes, so thats not an issue anymore, yaaay me!   getting on the bus...ok i usually choose the handicapped area seats, because squeezing next to someone is horrible cause i either squish them or hang out in the isle and or being the one in the seat, kinda makes me feel bad when no one sits next to me, of course occasionally the smallest tiny girl will have enough room in the seat next to me.   walking to class, gotten better, but still is a task, i can almost keep up with my friends, but i really gotta powerwalk, some days i try to leave before them just so i can walk at an easier pace and get to class on time   picking a desk...first or second chair in the first row against the wall, but then i feel bad because i don't really fit in the desk and i kinda block the row, my thigh is completely in the isle   oh but my second class of the day has these desk that the chair is fixed, and the desk u pull up from the side and put over your lap. its sad, the desk cuts me in the stomach for 50 minutes. yeah i should be thankful i can get it down, but most of the time i don't take notes cause i don't wanna deal with the pain, hmmm i'lll just get them from someone later.   my last class of the day i hate it, because i have to run from a building across campus to this building and most all the seats are taking these rows are horizontal, fixed chairs and desks, so as i have to squeeze down a row, i wanna freaking cry its soooooo embarrasing because the front of me is knocking people in the heads, they can't move their chairs and the back of me is rubbing on the tops of peoples desks on the row behind me so i'm knocking off papers and water bottles   as a science major, we talk alot about the human body...and my favorite 7 letter word OBESITY, i sit and wonder do people think about me when this topic comes up...i know i shouldn't care, but i'm the biggest girl i've seen on campus in 3 weeks. we've had sociology talks about how obesity is a drain on society, we've had endocrinology talks about diabetes and obesity, just tell the diabetic to lose weight, ah simple enough, i'm not diabetic, but i am obese, i just wanna yell...Please don't think every fat person you see has not tried over a 100 times to lose weight!   my group of 16 doctoral students started a flag football team, guess who was the only person not asked to play, it's like ask me to play, you know i'll say no, but come on,...by the time i found out we had a team, heck they were getting ready for the game...they have invited me to play since i was angry that day, but yeah, i can barely run i know it, so i'm fine, but everyday after being in class from 9-2, drained i walk back up the hill and go to the gym for 30-60 minutes, i'm at about 6 days a week for the last 3 weeks   i told my mom my school story, she told me the next day that she cried...so bless lapband, i know i whine that i've only lost 27 lbs, but omg, i probably wouldn't be able to sit anywhere at school had i not lost it.
Sasha2013

Sasha2013

4
 

Let the rumors begin!

a few weeks before my surgery i hinted to some friends i was considering the surgery, um they all said, no don't do it we like you the way you are...wasn't that nice of them (the biggest girl is a size 7, i was a tight 24, in size 26 denial)   well heck i got it anyways, i couldn't even tie my shoes, were they serious?!   only 3 people know about my surgery, i read too many bad stories on the boards about telling to many people...and this was just private for me, and my life is a freaking open book, i will tell you anything you wanna know, no matter how dark and freaky, lol, but this, this was my secret. like maybe once i reach goal, i'll tell people.   so now almost 8 weeks post op down about 27 lbs from my heaviest weight...and i freaking worked for EVERY pound lost, i've been going to the gym, elliptical, treadmill, bike, even some arm weights. i started school at a new campus and it was built on a freaking HILL so just going from class to class is a work out   i'm eating more fruit than ive ever had in my lifetime, and i have not had fast food in over 2 months (been out to chilies once with a group of friends)   i truly feel like i'm doing the "diet/exercise" that has been preached for weightloss for years, how i've lost weight in the past, watching what i eat and exercising, nothing strange there   i have 5.2 cc's in my band after my second fill, restriction is coming along well, then it happened...   people started noticing my loss! and here it goes, people wispering wondering how i did it, i'm like i stopped eating late, i eat more fruit, portion control, and i've been exercising, am i lieing? my roommate jumps in an she's like "she goes to the gym EVERYDAY!" <~bless her   and it kinda irks me abit, theres a group of 16 of us, were starting a doctoral program together, but one person notices the loss, and then its the new gossip and other start to question it.   some don't believe i go to the gym...Really? cause you didn't see me there? wtf? these are the future doctors of america, please be frightened if thats there philosophy.   one of the size 5's was like i work out and i haven't lost 27 lbs...ok she's about 111-115 and oh i started at 290. where does she need to lose 27 lbs from?   i think what bothers me the most is that when i was working in 2006 i lost 40lbs...and that's when people noticed my lost (yeah they caught me off guard this time i was barely at 30 lost) but it was aggrevating after that, every time i ate something it was "aren't you supposed to be on a diet?, your not on your diet anymore? are you going to the gym today? ok and tons of unsolicited diet advice!!! ok it was like i got this far without you...thanks!   well now i have to deal with the rumors...i know i shouldn't care it just bothers me, who cares if i had 5 surgeries, don't try to discredit my hard work waiting to say "oh well she had surgery"
Sasha2013

Sasha2013

4
 

WLS is the easy way out!!!!!

:thumbdown:yeah thats what i thought until a month ago! my mentality, all it takes is diet and exercise...and possibly 100 attempts with diet and exercise. i'd lose weight, sometimes fast some times slow, 30 lbs 40 lbs...only to regain sometimes twice the amount   now at 288lbs it is honestly easier not to diet, that way my weight stays the same give or take 2-3 lbs instead of the extreme like recently losing 17 gaining 36!   my sister told me about lap band...a few of her coworkers had it done...WLS always scared me it was way too drastic, too dangerous, cutting what? putting what where? um no.   so that was june 10-ish, so i started looking into it and i was hooked...i think this surgery was designed for me, i just think i'm going to have the most amazing results, because my problem is eating...i can exercise with the best of them, and yeah i'm a weirdo...but i'm hooked on exercise for months at a time, but i get so discouraged when my progress is ruined after one weekend of a binge...so if the lap band will help me with portion control, making better choices, well then gosh darn i can do the rest.   i know some people have done months of research, and it sounds like i'm rushing into it, but i don't think i am, because i was totally opposed to weight loss surgery 30 days ago, i've spent 3 weeks online looking into it, i know i can lose weight by myself...but i've seen what happens when i do it by myself...i call myself "yo-yo"   i don't expect my band to do all the work for me, and i know even though its not a risky as gastric bypass or any of the others, its' still a surgery, so still very serious.     my surgery is scheduled for july 24th, and i've been on my preop diet for 4 days now...i'm excited :biggrin:and scared:eek: at the same time!
Sasha2013

Sasha2013

5
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