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Don't waste the pretty

Entries in this blog

 

Speeding Ticket

I've got an idea, maybe they should give out speeding tickets for eating. That might help me slow down. I am really struggling with eating only half a cup over 20 minutes. Today I used a timer and I got to about 15 minutes. Now I need to try and stretch it to 20.   Today I ate   Optifast with banana drink coffee avocado & egg mash - 10 min roast vegies, egg, chick pea mix - 15 min left over rissoto - 10 min Lots of water   Today I received an email from Michelle, another Brisbane girl banded by Blair last week. I look forward to meeting her.
Fleur

Fleur

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Measurements

Took some new measurements today: Hip: 117cm - went up 1 cm - don't know how I managed that. Waist: 82cm down 4 cm -maybe fat is migrating from waist to hips. Bust: 97 - down 1cm
Fleur

Fleur

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I must be screwed in the head

There is no other explanation for it. I MUST be screwed in the head. I am totally focused on food and eating all the time. I'm trying sooooo hard to eat 1/2 cup at a time over 20 mins but I just find that the restriction is causing me to pick at food all the time. Most of the time I sit down and get through my half cup in 10 - 15 min but other times I just eat a little bit of whatever is handy - including chocolate. Today I ate a small tin of salmon and I must have eaten it too quickly because I felt a terrible intergestion pain then I bought a little bit of it back up. It wasn't a vomit so much as a regergitation. Now you would think that would have stopped me but Ohhh No.... I wne on to have some ice cream with my son and some peanut butter from the jar. I'm feeling terribly out of controle and hating myself.
Fleur

Fleur

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18 Days till banding

I'm obsessed with finding out all I can before my LB day on the 30th March. I have no doubt that I am doing the right thing but what if I let myself down. I'ts hard to be confident when all else has failed in the past. If this doesnt work - then what. I consider myself of above average intelligence and faily capable but when it comes to weight loss all I've ever known is failure or limited success followed by failure. Funny, but the things that make me doubt myself are the ones that make this an appropriate option for me. I guess I'll feel better when I know what I'm dealing with, until then I'll keep on Truckin. I meet Dr Bowden tomorrow and Beres (GP) for a referral and hopefully some encouragement.   I've been eating heaps - like I'm trying to get it all in before it starts.   God knows what I'll weigh when I start on Optifast on Thursday.   Fleur
Fleur

Fleur

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17 Days till banding

I met my Doctor today - Dr Blair Bowden. Nice guy. Pretty calm and knowlegable. Says he's been mentored by George Fielding.   Dr Bowden said if I do nothing else but get the band - not even excercise - statistically I will be 85kg in two years. Today I would be thrilled to be 85 kg but I know I really want to be 75. This is the weight I was at school when I thought I was a hippo. Welln actually, some of the boys told be I was a hippo. Even dad made the odd comment about my weight. God strike me down if I ever say anything to Millie about her weight - never ever!!!   Andrew came with me to the appointment. God I love him.. He doesnt say much but he is so supportive. I just dont tell him enough about what I'm feeling. I also went to see Beres my GP. She happily gave me the referral and said this surgery woud be appropriate for me and said Dr Bowden had a good reputation. I'm pleased to have her blessing.   I told Dr Bowden about my fear of failure since that had always been the outsome in my endevours to lose weight. He said that of all the people with a weight problem only 5%, that's 5% actully lose weight and keep it off long term - 5+ years. The huge majority fail and that is why LB is so successful. There was a study done in Switzerland. They took 200 people put 100 of them on a regular diet exercise programme and gave them, doctor, psycologists, trainers and nutrisionists and 5 years later only 5% had kept the weight off. The other 100 people had lab band and 5 years later 80% had lost and kept off their weight. I only have 2 days before optifast starts so I need to gear up for that.   Made a pact with my walking buddy Andrea to make Monday morning our weigh in then tell each other on our walk. Used my new Polar Heart Monitor watch today. Sure did keep me going when I slackened off.
Fleur

Fleur

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15 Days till banding

I saw my Dietician today - Trudy Wiliams. I have been seeing Trudy for a couple of years now and she is very familiar with my struggle. She is very possitive and supportive about LB and has every confidence that I will do well.   She ran through the pre op. diet, the post op diet and the puree diet. I just want to get started now because I have everything ready to go. I think the 2 weeks pre op diet is going to be the hardest so I just want to get that over and done with.   I've been having a few of my old favourite meals the last few days - saying good by to them for good I suppose. Today I had Narchos. I feel so full but I dont feel bad. It wasn't that great.   Tomorrow morning I weigh myself and take measurments. These will be my starting figures.
Fleur

Fleur

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Latest Measurements

Took my measurements again today because that's what my diary told me to do. 105.5cm Bust, 93cm waist and 121.5cm hip. Since the last time I measured in mid Feb I've lost 3cm from Waist, 3cm from Bust and 1.5 from Hip. It's a bugger how the hips are the last to go and that's where I really need to move it. I must say I wans't expecting much of a loss so I'm thrilled with that. By the way I was 90.3kg this morning.
Fleur

Fleur

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Ya learn something new every day

Since my last journal entry I have been feeling a bit more hungry and have actually put on some weight. I went back to my doctor today for a fill worried I had a leak or I had streatched my pouch. My doctor told me, to my great releif, that as I loose weight the band needs to be tighted slightly to keep up the same level of restriction. In the same way my rings are looser since losing wight my lap band is also looser and needs adjusting to remain effective.... the things you learn!! She also said that a couple of drinks a day is perfectly fine, just consider it a snack to allow for the KJ's. Good news all round!!
Fleur

Fleur

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Filled At last - thank god almighty

Haven't written in my journal for a few days not... busy at work. Well my big news is that I've had a fill. 1ml and I already can feel that I'm not as hungry. The bad news is that I put on 1kg over easter taking me back up to 102. So I'm hoping fingers crossed that the fill me reverse this. Well, I guess that's what lap band is supposed to do.   Today I ate   Coffee water 1/2 cup savory mince 6 Anzac biscuits (well it is anzac day!) skim latte 1 piece of home made pizza water coffee   My Dietician trudy has given me a beginners lap band meal plan. I believe I need some structure at this stage of the game so I'm aiming to stay on the eating plan for the duration of May. I have my big work event at the end of May so I really use the weight loss.
Fleur

Fleur

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14 Days till banding

Well, I'm off and running. Today is the first day of Optifast in preparation for banding on the 30th. I had Vanilla with Raspberries for breakfast and coffee - no milk - yuck!! For lunch I had a salad and plain Vanilla Opti but I added a little vanilla extract - yum. Also had Diet coke and blueberries. Tonight I think I'll have pumpkin soup and Opti chocolate mousse with raspberries.   I weighed myself this morning - wait for it - 107kg. Enough said.   I'll do my measurments tonight and post them tomorrow.
Fleur

Fleur

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'No thank you I'm full'

Went to see Trudy the dietician today and we agreed on setting a meal plan at leat for a while till I get used to eating less and tuning in to my body's signs of being full and hungry. Since the fill I am finding it much easier to go without eating between meals. Generally I'm less hungry. Today I had a lunch meeting and chose the chicken curry. It was beautiful but I left about 1/3 of it on the plate....Me!!!! leaving food on my plate!!!! unheard of - until now.   Today I ate coffee water medication english muffin and egg small latte fresh juice Chicken curry very small piece of grilled chicken Coffee Water   I bought the fabric for my dress for the Goldie awards today and took it up to my tailor. I'm very excited about it now. I also bought some earrings and some beautiful crystal beads to make a broach for the dress. I've set myself a 4 week challenge for the weeks leading up to the goldies starting next Monday. It's generally a challenge to look after myself better including diet, skincare, exercise etc. I have a plan and I'm going to do it. I want to look my best for the Goldies.
Fleur

Fleur

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Blocked

I had my first block. I came home late and hungry so I ate a couple of dry biscuits just a bit too quickly. I had a block for about an hour. I was PBing despretly trying to get it to clear. A bit of soda water eventually did the trick.   I have been eating less which is encouraging but I'm not sure I have lost any weight in the past few days.
Fleur

Fleur

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9 days till banding

I've missed my Jounal!!!!!   I took my measurments the other day:   Bust: 115cm Waist: 105.5 cm Hip: 138 cm - Yikes!!!   Today was a bit tough. Optifast is messing with my head. I'm a bit cranky and don't want to go out much. I'm coping by having lots of nice salads and roast vegies. I also have frozen raspberries with the chocolate mousse. I allow myself to have some milk with my coffee. I just can't cope without it. Anyway tomorrow is half way with the Optifast so if I can do one week, I can do another.   I see Dr Bowden again tomorrow - my last appointment before the operation. I'm gatting a bit excited - scarry excited!!   F
Fleur

Fleur

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8 days till banding

I saw Dr Bowden again today. My last appontment before the op. Everything is cool. I'm satisfied with all the info I have and I'm just looking forward to it now - in a strange sort of way.   Still not loving the optifast, although Dr Bowden said I could have some skim milk in my coffee - god love his skinny arse!!!   I weigh 104.4kg today with 1 week to go.
Fleur

Fleur

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Blocked but I lost

Since I last wrote in my journal I have put on weight, had a fill, had a block then lost the weight I've gained - then some. Today I'm 84 kg with 15 to go. I've got me school reunion in less than a month so I'll take my weight loss where I can get it thanks. Getting a block sucks big time. I was eating Thai food with my family and we were talking and I just forgot to chew properly. I had a hell night with reflux and the next day bought up the unchewed vegies. So there was a big fat lesson in Chew Chew Chew!
Fleur

Fleur

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7 days till banding

Not a great day. I stayed home all day. I feel like I need to stay home but if I'm home I have greater access to the fridge - bummer. Today I had to eat something other than vegies, berries or a shake - so I had some cheese and bacon. My dietician siad if I was desperate have some protien. I do feel better for it but I'm disappointed in myself for needing to. I find the afternoon the hardest. I'm realy hungry late afternoon but too early for dinner.   God this really isnt easy - is it?? I have just read some posts by ladies who are gaining weight and still hungry after banding. This scares me because I kind of expected to do pretty well in the weks just after banding.   I thought that I'd get hungry but feel full quickly and not feel hungry again until the next meal. I kind of even expect to have the odd through up but I will be terribly, terribly dissapointed if I dont loose weight or god forbid gain weight.   I need to hear some good stories to make feel confident again.
Fleur

Fleur

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Where did the restriction go??

I'm feeling a bit defeated and depressed about the short lived results of my first fill. I have been putting on weight lately because I have a pre band appetite all the time. When I started this adventure I was hopefull that the band would give me the restricion I needed pretty much from the get-go. That's not the case, but is it me? or is this yet another thing I have failed to get right. I know that sounds terribly negative but it's hard not to blame yourself. The whole reson I get this band was to force me to do what I havn't been able to do unassisted. I've just started a new thread asking other memebrs for their early banding & fill experience.   Today I ate   Medication Metamucil coffee 3 shortcut bacon 1 egg 4 rice thins with peanut butter banana Piece of birthday cake Lean roast lamb 1 small potato pumpkin zuccini Water
Fleur

Fleur

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Is a breakout really all that bad?

You know that saying....'for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction'.... Well, that would be the best way to discribe my day yesterday. I was invited to a lunch for work. I really wanted to go so I could have a propper meal but also becuase there would be a lot of colleagues there I could see. Anyway, steak was served which was fine but it was the 8 or so glasses of champagne and the Maccas I had on the way home that sent me off the rails.   I remember this happening when I had been on Optifast in the past. There is only so many days I can do it before I break out - usually in a spectacular way.   Last night I felt really disapointed in myself so this morning I went for a walk with my son and hoped back on the Optifast wagon. Funny thing is that even thought I had a lapse it has made me feel much more confident that I will make it to next Thursday OK. So maybe a little breakout is necessary to keep on track. I wouldn't recommend a triple cheese burger but maybe a moderate breakout does more good than harm in the long run.   I'm off to the pharmacy to buy more Optifast.
Fleur

Fleur

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24kg Lost

I've spent the last few days working in Melbourne. I worked pretty hard and didn't eat too much although what I did eat was party food. Anyhow, I managed to lose another KG. Now I'm 83 kilos with 14 to go. I was blocked last night so I didn't sleep well becasue of the reflux but I'monthe mend today. Since I've lost a few kilos now since my last measurements I thought I might re do them now: Bust 101cm - down 4cm since last measure and 14cm all up Waist 87cm - down 5cm since last measure and 18.5cm all up Hips 119cm - down 1.5cm since last measure and 19cm all up
Fleur

Fleur

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4 days till banding

Not the best weekend for eating. Had a few social things and ate things I shouldn't. Just further proof, I suppose that dieting does not work for me. In the past when I have been using Optifast or any other restrictive diet, I would do great for a week or so but I would have to eventually lash out and then almost certainly it would send me spiralling o ut of controle. So I'm not surprised I could not stay on OPtifast for 2 weeks but I'm still a bit dissapointed in myself. Anyeway I'm back on the Optifast now and I know I can stick with it till Wednesday.
Fleur

Fleur

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Happy Bandiversary to Me!!

Today is my very first Bandiversary. And while I have not lost the huge amounts of weight some girls do in thier first year I am over the moon with my 17kg loss. 12 months ago I was a different person in the way I thought of my self and my abilities. I may be almost half way but now I can see the way forward. I can see myself at 69 kilos but a year ago it was a far off fantasy. It hasn't been what I expected either. I read all the stories on this site about the girls loosing 30 to 50 kgs in the first year and truely expected that to be me. Well, the band didnt really start working for me for a good 5 - 6 months. If you read my previous journal entries you will understand why. But you know what, who said I have to loose all my weight fast. That would be great but that's not how it happened for me. The advantage of loosing slowing is it gives your head a chance to catch up with your body. As every kg has come off so my attitude to myself has changed. I dont know if that would be possibel if I was loosing weight quickly. So what for the coming year..... Exercise!! I know I have said it many many times before but I do need to more. Weather it be dance or walking but I need to move and you know what now I'm 17kg's down I want to move. I want to dance when a good song comes on the radio and I want to walk around the lake now. I would also like a tummy tuck in the coming year. I have an apointment with a top plastic surgeon on the 8th August. Looking forward to seeing where I'm at in another 12 months. F
Fleur

Fleur

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Only 3 days till banding

My God it's getting close. I just want it done now so I can start seeing results.. Since deciding to have this done I have been more honest with myself about how I look. Before, when I caught a glimps of myself in a shop window, I'd tell myself it wasn't too bad - convincing myself that I wasn't in as much trouble as I am. Now I find that I look at myself and say....'Yep, I really do need help. I've honestly tried everything and now I need this band". So I guess that's why I'm keen to get going. I see my shrink tomorrow. She's not a big fan of the lap band so it will be interesting to see what she has to say. It may be time to see a new shrink. I've made a pack with myself not to buy and clothes or shoes or spend any unnecessary money for 90 days starting on the 1st April. I want to save money becuase this operation is so expensive and I dont need any clothes especially in the size that I am now.
Fleur

Fleur

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2 Days till banding

Today I feel overwhelmed and worried that I will cheat the band. I had a phone appointment with my psycologist today and as she rightly pointed out I need to work on 'complience' - or my ability to stick with it. This is the rock in the bottom of my stomach. I have only ever know failure with my weight or short term success, so it's very hard for me to be 100% positive that I will do all that is necessary to work with the band. I dont know what i'll do if I fail again. I want to change and need to change so much but in my head I keep doubting myself.
Fleur

Fleur

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2nd Fill under my belt

Last Tuesday I had my second fill - another 1ml. I have felt really good restriction all week but have felt a little easing off today but I'm not hungry as such just when I eat I dont feel as restricted. I'm back down to 101kg which is what I was a week after surgery. I am booked infor another fill next Tuesday and I'm hoping for another fill. My doctor said I will probaby need at least 3ml. Today is Mothers Day:   I ate:   Coffee Sm bowl yogurt Coffee 1 Glass of Champagne Chicken & Avocado entre Fish and salad - only ate 2/3 Nudie ice block 2 glasses champagne
Fleur

Fleur

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Banding Eve

Oh my God, I never expected to be this nervous. I gave myself the mother of all migranes last night worrying about it.   I feel quite teary. I just want it to be over so I can get on with it. The anticipation is killing me.   I'm also still lacking confidence - what if I turn into a milkshake drinking, icecream monster!!!! What then!!! What if I becoem one of these crazy people who for whatever, deep rooted, reason want to stay fat and cheat the band. This is my last and best hope of living without a weight problem. God even writing that down....'life without a weight problem'..... seems so overwealming & exciting & scary & the impossible dream.   Soooo... here I go. What started out as a lightening bolt wake up call a couple of months ago is now a reality. Wish me luck....... F
Fleur

Fleur

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