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Don't waste the pretty

Entries in this blog

 

'No thank you I'm full'

Went to see Trudy the dietician today and we agreed on setting a meal plan at leat for a while till I get used to eating less and tuning in to my body's signs of being full and hungry. Since the fill I am finding it much easier to go without eating between meals. Generally I'm less hungry. Today I had a lunch meeting and chose the chicken curry. It was beautiful but I left about 1/3 of it on the plate....Me!!!! leaving food on my plate!!!! unheard of - until now.   Today I ate coffee water medication english muffin and egg small latte fresh juice Chicken curry very small piece of grilled chicken Coffee Water   I bought the fabric for my dress for the Goldie awards today and took it up to my tailor. I'm very excited about it now. I also bought some earrings and some beautiful crystal beads to make a broach for the dress. I've set myself a 4 week challenge for the weeks leading up to the goldies starting next Monday. It's generally a challenge to look after myself better including diet, skincare, exercise etc. I have a plan and I'm going to do it. I want to look my best for the Goldies.
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

Filled At last - thank god almighty

Haven't written in my journal for a few days not... busy at work. Well my big news is that I've had a fill. 1ml and I already can feel that I'm not as hungry. The bad news is that I put on 1kg over easter taking me back up to 102. So I'm hoping fingers crossed that the fill me reverse this. Well, I guess that's what lap band is supposed to do.   Today I ate   Coffee water 1/2 cup savory mince 6 Anzac biscuits (well it is anzac day!) skim latte 1 piece of home made pizza water coffee   My Dietician trudy has given me a beginners lap band meal plan. I believe I need some structure at this stage of the game so I'm aiming to stay on the eating plan for the duration of May. I have my big work event at the end of May so I really use the weight loss.
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

Normal food at last

I had a call from the dietician today after I emailed her about my struggles with the half cup over 20 min thing. Trudy (God love her) allowed me to go ahead and have some regular food and see how I go. So now I can use a small entree plate to eat meals from. I still have to try and string it out for 20 mins. I can slowly introdce toast and lavosh bread. I can now have crackers and lean meats. No more puree - yippie!!! I thought I was going mad before. To help me trudy has also sent me a beginners eating plan. My next Doctors appointment is monday and I am sweating on a fill becuase I just have far too much freedome at the moment for my own good. I wish I was one of those peoplem that feels restricted straight away but I'll have to wait for my fill.   Today I ate: 3/4 cup cereal with skim milk coffee 350g greek yoghurt small latte small plate of chicken, vegies and goats cheese coffee banana water water water small plate of pumpkin & goats cheese ravioli.
Fleur

Fleur

2
 

I must be screwed in the head

There is no other explanation for it. I MUST be screwed in the head. I am totally focused on food and eating all the time. I'm trying sooooo hard to eat 1/2 cup at a time over 20 mins but I just find that the restriction is causing me to pick at food all the time. Most of the time I sit down and get through my half cup in 10 - 15 min but other times I just eat a little bit of whatever is handy - including chocolate. Today I ate a small tin of salmon and I must have eaten it too quickly because I felt a terrible intergestion pain then I bought a little bit of it back up. It wasn't a vomit so much as a regergitation. Now you would think that would have stopped me but Ohhh No.... I wne on to have some ice cream with my son and some peanut butter from the jar. I'm feeling terribly out of controle and hating myself.
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

Speeding Ticket

I've got an idea, maybe they should give out speeding tickets for eating. That might help me slow down. I am really struggling with eating only half a cup over 20 minutes. Today I used a timer and I got to about 15 minutes. Now I need to try and stretch it to 20.   Today I ate   Optifast with banana drink coffee avocado & egg mash - 10 min roast vegies, egg, chick pea mix - 15 min left over rissoto - 10 min Lots of water   Today I received an email from Michelle, another Brisbane girl banded by Blair last week. I look forward to meeting her.
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

Measurments

Today it was time to do my first monthy measurments:   Bust 114cm Wast 104cm Hip 130cm   Pretty sure this is reduction on my starting measurments. Did pretty well food wise except for a bit of chocolate, but I stick to the quantities and times.   Today I ate:   Small Mango Smoothie 1/2 coffee 2 eggs, hoummus and goats cheese puree Optifast with banana Salmon risotto coffee   I picked att he kids eater eggs - all up I had about 75g
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

Bugger Easter

This Easter has been a bit of a bugger really. I have had my ups and downs with food the past few days but that pails into insignificance when compared with what our neighborhood has suffered this Easter. Our house backs onto a lake which the public have access to. It's a lovely place for our kids and we take them to play or ride around the lake virtually every day. On Good Friday my husband Andrew took our son to the jetty directly out the back of our house to catch little guppies in his net. They started playing with a group of young boys who were also on the jetty and their mothers were picnicking nearby. Angus shared his fishing net with the boys but as it often does things ended in a fight and Andrew bought Angus home. About 45 minutes later one of the little boys Angus was playing with went missing. Within an hour there were police everywhere, 2 rescue choppers and 60 odd SES rescuers trying to find this little boy - Nathan. Sadly police divers found his body later that night caught up in weed under the jetty. This has affected both Andrew and I terribly. Not only was it out the back of our house but Nathan was Millie’s age. As far as food goes I have eaten less than I normally would but it hasn't been all puree stuff. At least one meal each day had been regular food which I have chewed very well. And I'm still working on eating slower.
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

Slow Down

Yesterday I went to see my Doc. for the 2 weeks post op visit. He's really happy with everything but wouldn't fill me just yet. I have to wait another 10 days. I then went to see my dietician who gave me to low down on the puree stage. Everything is fine except she wants me to eat half a cup of puree food with protien 6 times per day over a period of 20 minutes. Also I can't drink 10 mins before and 30 mins after a meal. The drinking isn't a problem but finding protien rich mushy food and the eating half a cup over 20 minutes - well - I'm really going to have to apply myself to this one. I understand if I don't do this I may stretch my pouch and then forevermore require more food to feel full. I guess I expected the, banb to tell me when I was full even at this early stage but it seems I have to do some of the hard work myself - fair enough!!   Today I ate:   1/2 cup yoghurt sm coffee 1/2 cup mix smoked salmon, goats cheese & hoummos water coffee Banana mashed *****Chocolate***** (bugger easter) 1/2 cup puree pizza - home made with vegies and ham Metamucil
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

Busy Day = eat less

I had a full on day at work today. I orgainsed for all of the radio stations in Brisbane to donate some equipment to a local hospital and we had the presentation today. It was a great success and lots of media coverage. I'm feeling quite pleased with myself now. Anyway, I was sooooo busy I really didn't have time, nore felt like eating. By late afternnon I thought I probably should eat something substantial or I might over do it at dinner. I see Dr Bowden in the morning and I am hoping for a fill.   Today I Ate   Latte Banana - mashed up Skim Latte Cauliflower, Avocado and chicken mash glass Nudie juice 2 x small corn wrap with mince and avocado coffee Metamucil Medications
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

Afternoon tea crisis

Yesterday we had family over to celebrate my daughters 3rd Birthday. I served afternoon tea and with out even thinking I ate a couple of scones and an egg sandwich. I didnt have lunch or dinner so I dont feel terribly bad but I am just wondering if it's normal to not feel any restriction after eating that. I think I really need a fill. I see Dr Bowden on Wed. Morning. Hovering a smidge above 101kg. I'd like to be an easy 101 by Wednesday.   Today I ate Scrambled egg - 3 eggs coffee 1 1/2 cups yoghurt refried beans 1/2 avocado and mashed up egg 1 cup yoghurt coffee Mashed Cauliflower coffee Matamucil Medications Water   Yesterday I ate   1 cup saltana bran with hot milk latte 2 glasses champagne 2 small scones with cram and jam 1 egg & lettace sandwich very small slice cake coffee 3-4 m&m's
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

Maggic Mushies

Today I ate 1 cup saltana bran with hot skim milk Skim Latte 1 cup vegetable soup scrambled eggs - 4 Glass Nudie juice Optifast with banana Refried beans, avocade mash and tablespoon finely grated cheese Coffee 2 doses metamucil medications Lots of water
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

Getting harder no to eat.....

I really feel like I need to give something more substantial a go. I am so sick of soup. Today I had a some 'normal' food and it felt like I had intergestion so that put the brakes on me pretty quick. I haven't been going out much because I thought it would be harder to stick to the diet. That, and I have also set myself a 90 day 'no unnecessary purchases' challenge. So I have been at home working hard but I have moments of feeling quite depressed. I know it will pass but God it's really there. Maybe it is because I have removed my usual copeing tool - food. Yesterday I wanted to eat and eat but today it isn't too bad. I'm going to have to come up with somethinginspired for dinner. I did weigh myself today, even though I promised myself I would only do it on a Monday BUT it was 102kg so I'm happy but I'll be happier if I can get rid of this constipation. I had a a lovely emaio from another Brisbane girl with the band, Lara. She is amazing - she has lost 48kg since last October (6 months). She's given me her number and I'm going to meet her for a coffee. Lara also had the same doctor as well. Be nice to have a little band buddy close by.   Today I ate Optifast with Banana Skim Latte 1/2 cinnomon roll - I know but I was in town and starving Optifast with banana 1/2 cup potato & leek soup Water Water Water Medication & Soluable Multi vit.   Yesterday I ate Optfast with Banana and tinned apricots 1 1/2 cups pea soup Optifast with banana & tinned apricots 1 1/2 cups roast vegie soup Optifast with banana sm slice mushed up quiche Coffee Medication Water
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

Bit Hungry

Today I felt real hunger for the first time. I was worried about eating more and not really feeling full so I called the Doctor. She said that it sounds like the fluids are passing through the band well and I may need to go on to puree's sooner. I may aslo have my first fill when I see Dr Bowden next week.   Today I ate: Optifast with Banana 1 1/2 cups vegie soup Coffee Prune juice Optifast with tinned fruit 1 1/2 cups pea soup puree tinned apricots 2 cups vegie curry soup Water Medication
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

And She Sleeps....

Today was a day of rest. I must of needed it becuase I had no trouble sleeping the whole day away. I'm trying not to feel guilty!! My swelling started to go down and becuase its Monday I weighed myself - 103kg. I'm pleased with that. I also went for a walk today around the lake. I just went once around and it took me 30 min with stretching at the end.   I'm still not hungry but I can easily have a couple of cups of soup and I feel satisfied but not full like I can't fit another thing in. Hope that's normal.   Today I ate:   Optifast vanilla drink blended with a banana 1/2 cup coffee 1 1/2 cup of Zuccini Soup Optifast vanilla drink with banana 2 1/2 cups of blended pea and bacon soup Hot chocolate on skim milk Coffee Water Medication Prune Juice - yick!!
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

I'm with the band

Small Latte Banana Smoothie Latte 1 1/2 cups potato and leek soup Water Water Water soluable multi vit. 1 1/2 cups zuccini soup   Another good day. Took my waterproof bandages off today and I was surprised at how small the uncissions are. I take the steri strips off on Thursday.
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

I'm off and racing

Today is my first 'normal' day with the band. A good friend of mine is up from Sydney to help me out and she has made me a couple of yummy vegatable soups. Today I ate: Banana Smoothie Sm Skim Latte Little bit of yoghurt (few teaspoons at a time. All up less than 1/2 cup. 1 1/2 cups of potato and leek soup 1 1/2 cups of roast vegetable soup Lots of water and a soluable mulit vitamin.   I must say I did that pretty easily and wasn't really hungry at any stage. My tummy is tender and bloated but I'm getting around OK. I even went to the shops today which was probably not a great idea but I felt good.   I just watched Super Size Me - Holy Crap what a movie!!! My kids arn't going to see the inside a Maccas for a long, long time.   Tomorrow I'm going for a walk around the lake.
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

I'm Banded!!!!

Well, I got home from hospital a few hours ago and while I feel pretty good now I was a total mess last night. Pain, Migrain, vomiting the works. My tummy is tender and quite swollen. I'm glad it's over. I'm on fluids for 2 weeks, then I see Dr Bowden and then puree for two weeks.
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

Banding Eve

Oh my God, I never expected to be this nervous. I gave myself the mother of all migranes last night worrying about it.   I feel quite teary. I just want it to be over so I can get on with it. The anticipation is killing me.   I'm also still lacking confidence - what if I turn into a milkshake drinking, icecream monster!!!! What then!!! What if I becoem one of these crazy people who for whatever, deep rooted, reason want to stay fat and cheat the band. This is my last and best hope of living without a weight problem. God even writing that down....'life without a weight problem'..... seems so overwealming & exciting & scary & the impossible dream.   Soooo... here I go. What started out as a lightening bolt wake up call a couple of months ago is now a reality. Wish me luck....... F
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

2 Days till banding

Today I feel overwhelmed and worried that I will cheat the band. I had a phone appointment with my psycologist today and as she rightly pointed out I need to work on 'complience' - or my ability to stick with it. This is the rock in the bottom of my stomach. I have only ever know failure with my weight or short term success, so it's very hard for me to be 100% positive that I will do all that is necessary to work with the band. I dont know what i'll do if I fail again. I want to change and need to change so much but in my head I keep doubting myself.
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

Only 3 days till banding

My God it's getting close. I just want it done now so I can start seeing results.. Since deciding to have this done I have been more honest with myself about how I look. Before, when I caught a glimps of myself in a shop window, I'd tell myself it wasn't too bad - convincing myself that I wasn't in as much trouble as I am. Now I find that I look at myself and say....'Yep, I really do need help. I've honestly tried everything and now I need this band". So I guess that's why I'm keen to get going. I see my shrink tomorrow. She's not a big fan of the lap band so it will be interesting to see what she has to say. It may be time to see a new shrink. I've made a pack with myself not to buy and clothes or shoes or spend any unnecessary money for 90 days starting on the 1st April. I want to save money becuase this operation is so expensive and I dont need any clothes especially in the size that I am now.
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

4 days till banding

Not the best weekend for eating. Had a few social things and ate things I shouldn't. Just further proof, I suppose that dieting does not work for me. In the past when I have been using Optifast or any other restrictive diet, I would do great for a week or so but I would have to eventually lash out and then almost certainly it would send me spiralling o ut of controle. So I'm not surprised I could not stay on OPtifast for 2 weeks but I'm still a bit dissapointed in myself. Anyeway I'm back on the Optifast now and I know I can stick with it till Wednesday.
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

Is a breakout really all that bad?

You know that saying....'for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction'.... Well, that would be the best way to discribe my day yesterday. I was invited to a lunch for work. I really wanted to go so I could have a propper meal but also becuase there would be a lot of colleagues there I could see. Anyway, steak was served which was fine but it was the 8 or so glasses of champagne and the Maccas I had on the way home that sent me off the rails.   I remember this happening when I had been on Optifast in the past. There is only so many days I can do it before I break out - usually in a spectacular way.   Last night I felt really disapointed in myself so this morning I went for a walk with my son and hoped back on the Optifast wagon. Funny thing is that even thought I had a lapse it has made me feel much more confident that I will make it to next Thursday OK. So maybe a little breakout is necessary to keep on track. I wouldn't recommend a triple cheese burger but maybe a moderate breakout does more good than harm in the long run.   I'm off to the pharmacy to buy more Optifast.
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

7 days till banding

Not a great day. I stayed home all day. I feel like I need to stay home but if I'm home I have greater access to the fridge - bummer. Today I had to eat something other than vegies, berries or a shake - so I had some cheese and bacon. My dietician siad if I was desperate have some protien. I do feel better for it but I'm disappointed in myself for needing to. I find the afternoon the hardest. I'm realy hungry late afternoon but too early for dinner.   God this really isnt easy - is it?? I have just read some posts by ladies who are gaining weight and still hungry after banding. This scares me because I kind of expected to do pretty well in the weks just after banding.   I thought that I'd get hungry but feel full quickly and not feel hungry again until the next meal. I kind of even expect to have the odd through up but I will be terribly, terribly dissapointed if I dont loose weight or god forbid gain weight.   I need to hear some good stories to make feel confident again.
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

8 days till banding

I saw Dr Bowden again today. My last appontment before the op. Everything is cool. I'm satisfied with all the info I have and I'm just looking forward to it now - in a strange sort of way.   Still not loving the optifast, although Dr Bowden said I could have some skim milk in my coffee - god love his skinny arse!!!   I weigh 104.4kg today with 1 week to go.
Fleur

Fleur

1
 

9 days till banding

I've missed my Jounal!!!!!   I took my measurments the other day:   Bust: 115cm Waist: 105.5 cm Hip: 138 cm - Yikes!!!   Today was a bit tough. Optifast is messing with my head. I'm a bit cranky and don't want to go out much. I'm coping by having lots of nice salads and roast vegies. I also have frozen raspberries with the chocolate mousse. I allow myself to have some milk with my coffee. I just can't cope without it. Anyway tomorrow is half way with the Optifast so if I can do one week, I can do another.   I see Dr Bowden again tomorrow - my last appointment before the operation. I'm gatting a bit excited - scarry excited!!   F
Fleur

Fleur

1
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