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About this blog

Last night, I went to my first party post-op (it has been almost two weeks since my banding). I have only lost 30 pounds, but I am starting to see some changes already (and, as any of my previous readers know, I am a bit ill-at-ease with my body shri

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Where the hell is my hip-fat?? An epiphany...

Did anyone know I had a hipbone??? If you did, why didn't you tell me???!!   I was lying there next to my friend the other day, just chatting and I had my arm laid along my side, when suddenly...I felt it... MY HIP-FAT HAD ALREADY BEGUN TO DEFLATE!!   I jumped out of bed and ran, in tears, to my best friend. He, of course, was very concerned and inquired about my tears.   "I am NOT ready for this!!!"   Let me explain...   For over four years, I have been actively pursuing the lap-band. I have done an unlimited amount of research, spoken to almost 1,000 people (I am not exaggerating), sought advice from doctors in every field, etc, etc...I could not have been better prepared mentally, physically, or emotionally for my "new life". I was happy to adopt this new lifestyle, the new diet, my new health!!! But, through all of this, there was one thing I am just not prepared for...my new size.   I have ALWAYS been the fattest person I know. When I go to a bar, party, resturant, etc--I know how big I am and I also know that people know how big I am (I weighed 327 until yesterday). I learned to love my size--because it is the only body I have, and I use it as a defense. I know that guys won't approach me, people will gawk at me, and some will even avoid me. I feel powerful that I have this effect on people. They notice me...I don't notice them. And, for some reason, when I see a larger person, I feel a strange sense of "competition" with them.   But now, that is changing--even as I type!! Through all of my soul-searching, goal focusing, and preparation for this...I never entertained the thought that I will be getting thinner.   How ludicrous!! But, there it is, I never thought about how I will actually look.   I admit, I am scared...my defenses are going to be lowered and I am not sure how things will be without my "fat fort". I am just trying to be optimistic about my new self-acceptance, and I thank God for the wonderful support structure I have.   I have a lot of things to learn!!!   Wish me luck, guys...whoever thought weight-loss would make you skinny??:crying:
redheather

redheather

5
 

Progress? Yup, progress!!!

Forty-four pounds down!!! Five weeks tomorrow!!   That is quite a bit to say...but the real amazing facts are that I am now noticing a lot of changes in my body. Let me tell you about my recent discoveries!!   I can feel the contour of my bones in my arms and legs now. I can wrap my fingers around my wrists. I have collarbones. And, my favorite...I can cross my legs!!!   Unfortunately, I am going through a bit of body dysmorphic disorder. I have gotten a bit agorophobic (fear of being around people--in short). I also have gotten a bit cynnical of people commenting on my weight loss. I know that they are genuinely happy for me, but after hearing "how great" I look, I think "what was wrong with me before?"   I am dreading clothes shopping (which is imminent). I am so scared of gaining my lost weight back, that I do not want to get a smaller size. I think I will just go, buy the largest size without trying it on, and bring it home. Pretty self-defeating, huh?   I know that these are just temporary feelings and that I will get past them...until then, keep your fingers crossed for me.   I am still amazingly happy and know that this is the best decision I have ever made in my life, but I really do have to rely on my support structure to iron out the wrinkles.   :wink:
redheather

redheather

4
 

Progress? Yup, progress!!!

Forty-four pounds down!!! Five weeks tomorrow!!   That is quite a bit to say...but the real amazing facts are that I am now noticing a lot of changes in my body. Let me tell you about my recent discoveries!!   I can feel the contour of my bones in my arms and legs now. I can wrap my fingers around my wrists. I have collarbones. And, my favorite...I can cross my legs!!!   Unfortunately, I am going through a bit of body dysmorphic disorder. I have gotten a bit agorophobic (fear of being around people--in short). I also have gotten a bit cynnical of people commenting on my weight loss. I know that they are genuinely happy for me, but after hearing "how great" I look, I think "what was wrong with me before?"   I am dreading clothes shopping (which is imminent). I am so scared of gaining my lost weight back, that I do not want to get a smaller size. I think I will just go, buy the largest size without trying it on, and bring it home. Pretty self-defeating, huh?   I know that these are just temporary feelings and that I will get past them...until then, keep your fingers crossed for me.   I am still amazingly happy and know that this is the best decision I have ever made in my life, but I really do have to rely on my support structure to iron out the wrinkles.   :wink:
redheather

redheather

5
 

Goal one: Mission accomplished!!

Well guys, I did it!!! I made my first goal today--to be under 300lbs. I weighed in at 298lbs...I did it!!! I am so thrilled!! I feel like I am a new woman today!!! So, what did I do? I gave myself a treat --unsweet tea from McDonald's. It seems insignifigant, but to me it is the greatest treat and the greatest accomplishment in my life at this moment.   Please don't get discouraged out there--I know I have just started my new life, but I know that if you look at the path you are on instead of the destination ahead...you get to enjoy the flowers that line it!!! Set little goals along the way to the big one!!! Good luck!!   Love yourselves!!!  
redheather

redheather

2
 

At last!!!!!

Well, it has finally happened...I have less than 100 pounds to lose until I am at my doc's "ideal" weight goal for me!!! I am completely ecstatic!! It will be 15 weeks on 9/10/8 and so far, I have lost 84 pounds!!!   This is, by far, the best decision I have made in my life!!!   If anyone out there is sitting on the fence, especially if you have health issues, seriously consider getting this done!! It has saved my life. My diabetes is basically gone, my sleep apnea is gone and I no longer hurt like I was tied to a whipping post at the end of every day.   I will not mislead anyone...it takes more than "work", it takes a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MINDSET!!! You have to let your past life go...forget your diet history, your bad habits and previous failures!! Focus on your new life...one filled with health and fun. Don't think of being on a diet ever again--but make wise food choices.   In all honesty, food holds no joy for me anymore...and I love it. My biggest fear was giving up this comfort blanket that I had so desperately clung to all of my life. But after several physically uncomfortable meals, I have let it go!!!   So, everybody out there--good luck!! I mean it sincerely...stay focused and remember that you have life waiting for you out there!!!  
redheather

redheather

1
 

At last!!!!!

Well, it has finally happened...I have less than 100 pounds to lose until I am at my doc's "ideal" weight goal for me!!! I am completely ecstatic!! It will be 15 weeks on 9/10/8 and so far, I have lost 84 pounds!!!   This is, by far, the best decision I have made in my life!!!   If anyone out there is sitting on the fence, especially if you have health issues, seriously consider getting this done!! It has saved my life. My diabetes is basically gone, my sleep apnea is gone and I no longer hurt like I was tied to a whipping post at the end of every day.   I will not mislead anyone...it takes more than "work", it takes a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MINDSET!!! You have to let your past life go...forget your diet history, your bad habits and previous failures!! Focus on your new life...one filled with health and fun. Don't think of being on a diet ever again--but make wise food choices.   In all honesty, food holds no joy for me anymore...and I love it. My biggest fear was giving up this comfort blanket that I had so desperately clung to all of my life. But after several physically uncomfortable meals, I have let it go!!!   So, everybody out there--good luck!! I mean it sincerely...stay focused and remember that you have life waiting for you out there!!!  
redheather

redheather

2
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