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I am just a toddler... taking my first steps

Well here i am, just trying to take my first steps in the process of potential lap band surgery...... baby steps, that is all that I can do. I remember "starting" the process 3 years ago. I called someone, and had an appointment to be seen 2 months later. but then i thought i could do it on my own...... so a few weeks before the consult, i called and said "hey i am doing this on my own, i've lost 8lbs since i've made the appointment" Well looking back on some old journals, i see that I am about 50lbs heavier than i was then. Three years in a row now i've been hospitalized in the winter for Asthma type symptoms, and for stomach problems. I don't know why but during an April Doctor appointment, i was shocked that my Doctor asked me if I thought about having surgery to help me in this journey to better health.... gee Doc (i've been with him for 13 years... he knows me inside and out) I am here because of my lungs and difficulty breathing, i am here because of the stomach problems i've been having, I am here because my FBS are getting higher and higher every year, (although still in Normal range), I am here because my knees have been causing me so many problems........ Gee Doc, I didn't say anything about my weight!!, I immediately told him, noway......I am doing it "on my own" this time, like i've been telling him for 10 years. he smiles, and he supports me, he'll do what he can to help me....but he say's well if you are ever interested, I will send you to a wonderful program in Pittsburgh. I said goodbye, and I will see you in July!! You know for the first time in my life, I am truly happy, happy with who i am, happy with my children, happy with my husband (second husband, first husband left me 10 years ago) My husband loves me so much and shows me all the time, he loves me 125lbs over weight! so in reality.......... this makes me a perfect canidate for this surgery. My family health history is not good, 3 out of 5 of my brothers have/had 100lbs to 250lbs to loose at one time. My only sister could loose about 50lbs. 3 of my brothers are diabetics now (we are all under 50) My dad died at age 52 from his 3rd heart attack. My mom died at age 58 she was 150lbs over weight when she died. THIS IS WHY I NEED THE HELP TO LOOSE THIS WEIGHT. I have an incredible faith in God, and I go to Him for every decision I make, and this is no different, i am taking this to prayer. My husband is so supportive, he is even coming with me for the class to see what all of this is about... and i say to him, what if this doesn't work? and he say's well then i'll keep you the way you are. I've told a couple of friends, some supportive, some down right angry..... but ultimately it isn't what they think or feel, but how i think and feel.... I'll talk more about that later

sandibly

sandibly

 

Green eyes~Pretty Face

and i am getting tired of hearing that, ... i know people mean well, but the you have such pretty eyes, if you could only loose weight! What does that mean? I guess only really skinny people should have pretty eyes, or a pretty face!!! I am still me, and chances are pretty good that my eyes aren't going to change much even after I loose the weight. So thinner people are "prettier human beings?" I don't think so, it has taken me 41 years to totally love who I am, and love what i have to offer this world. YES i would like to get healthier and loose the weight. i'll never be a size 2. Actually when I was working at a fitness center out of highschool. I was a size 10 170lb 5'6" all Curves and Lean Muscle. So i don't plan on weighing 120lbs when this is all said and done!!! My first husband was all about the "outer" shell, oh he was a good man. but i didn't fit the mold that he pictured himself with out in the public eye. funny thing, i actually put on the extra weight after having His 3 children in less than 4 years. he left me on our 10th wedding anniversary when our kids were 9,7,and 4........ I was devastated, and I knew he left me because i was "ugly". it took a lot of praying, and a lot of God holding on to me....... but i finally was able to see the value in myself.... and to make a long entry short. I gave away my anger, and insecurity...... i couldn't handle it, I gave it to God! 7 years ago, I met and married a wonderful man who adore me no matter what my size, and supports me 100% of the time. Today i give Him my weight problem, i can't handle it on my own.

sandibly

sandibly

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