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Unhappy And Banded

I recieved an email today and it reminded me that it has been four years since I started this journey. At first I was very scared, and then happy and looking forward to getting thinner and living a happier life. So far I lost about 30 pounds, then stopped because I was throwing up more than I was keeping down. After a year of that I finally found an other doctor out of town ( all lapband docs in my town have moved to bigger cities) and they unfilled it completely. Over the last two years I have gained back everything I had lost. I still have a few days a week where I throw up almost as much as I eat and yes I am chewing the food completely. I still excersice and watch what I eat but nothing seems to help me. I am still convienced that it has more to do with my matabolism and hormones but doctor know more than I do about me even thought they only see me 15 minutes every 6 months. I am stuck with this thing instide me that has only made my life more troubling than it has helped. I do not mean to scare or worry anyone else, but that was part of why I liked this web site so much was that I know there were others who were not happy before I got mine so that I did not feel like such a failure when I stopped loosing and then had to have it emptied. However when my two pre-teen daughters see me running to the bathroom to throw up every time I eat, and they start doing it also; it was time to just get fat again. they are worth more to me than being skinny.   Sherry
mom2twins

mom2twins

0
 

back in town

this has been a very busy month so far. I have been out of state for over half of the last 13 days and most of June. My mom had been sick and now has a blood clot in her leg that is really big. She has a pace maker and that makes everything even more dangerous when it comes to her blood. I will be making a few more trips back to see her and help her again this summer. On the other hand it got me awayfrom the computer and trying to get the insurance approval and everything. When I got back this afternoon I found the insruance approval was done on the 10th, so I get to call the doctor tomorrow and find out what is next on the list. I really want to get this done before th egirls go back to school so that they can be there with daddy when I have surgery and not be worried at school. Plus I want ot be able to go with them for their first day of school and the meet the teacher things. OK, guess that is enough for this one. I'm not sure what I am feeling tonight. Excitement, stress, fear, ?????
mom2twins

mom2twins

1
 

2 days post -op

I am doing great! I haven't had much pain at all, and have been taking a few walkes down the street. I have almost made it to the end of the block (4 houses). I did however get full this morning with 3 bites of Jell-o and I even found myself chewing it. :confused: Well, better go for this time out. Later,
mom2twins

mom2twins

3
 

very frustrated

over a week since my appointment and they still haven't sent the request to the insurance company for approval. it really makes me mad that they don't care. I understand that they have to go on vacation but make sure your paperwork is done before you leave, especially when it affects other peoples lives. I never felt very big until I started research on the band, and since then I am very aware of how big I truely am. I have even stopped going to a buffet because I don't like the thought that people may be watching the fat lady at the feeding bin. once she does get back from vacation I have to make sure i call before they start seeing patiants or they can't even talk to me then because they are too busy. This is starting to get to me. Maybe I should see if there are any other surgeons in the area that can do this if they are this busy even before I get the band done. I am so confused.
mom2twins

mom2twins

3
 

2 days left

I know it's not new, but I am getting a little more nervous as today went along. I finally called my friend from all my life and told her about the band. At first she was way do you need it, and after I mentioned a few things she seemed to understand. I had a good day with my girls and went to a movie and had some popcorn. I did buy the large bag and added the butter, but didn't even eat half of it, including the part that I kept giving to my girls. We had our good bye dinner before the month of liquid and new habits. I had a Steak Fajita and ate mainly just the meat. I guess I have been practicing for a little while and can't go too far from the modifications I have already started. I know I have a lot more changes to make, but I have been trying a few at a time before I even was approved. I have bought four water bottles, 3 small remikins for soup bowls, and 2 small salad plates for my meals. I figured if I got something different from the family and smaller than we have been using it would help me to remember that I have new rules to follow. I took the advice of some of the longer banded guys and bought a couple sets of infant flatware to help remember to take smaller bites. They are cute and colorful so they can be fun at the same time. I still haven't bought a scale for the house, not sure if I really want one or not. I have three new pair of shoes, two that slip on and one that has really good support. They all have a sneaker bottom on them so they are all good for walking. I need to find my pedometer and I should be set for the first few weeks. well gotta get of my bum and move. :thumbup:
mom2twins

mom2twins

2
 

time goes so fast

The last six weeks have gone by so quickly. I am feeling so much better and have healed wonderfully. I am getting some of my self confidence back and standing up to my family for a change. I have also been job hunting for the first time in ten years. It is nice to not feel like the elephant in the room while waiting with all the others to go in for a job interview. I am hopful that something will turn up soon. I am amazed at how many things are so much easier than I thought they would be in my mind. I never thought I would be able to say the I have not had a soda for 7 weeks! I actually order the fish and not feel guilty for paying more for the fish than the junk stuff all over the rest of the menu. My girls are even starting to like the grilled fish also, which is the main reason I did this whole thing, so I can be here to help teach my girls how to eat right while they are little so they don't have to go through this when they get grown. :thumbup:
mom2twins

mom2twins

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surgeon consult

I had my consult with the surgeon yesterday. It was not what I had hoped for. He sat down with a notebook and drew a picture of the stomach, liver, etc.. Than drew a picture of a gastric bypass and told me that would be better for me than the lapband. OMG!! He said it was because of the dietbetic things. I only have insulin resistence and am not even required to check my blood sugar ever day much less taking insulin for it. I can get a handle on doing the lapband, but I would rather die quick and fat before I have the bypass done. I am hoping that he was just having a bad day or somehting like that. Here is my big delimna-- have it done close to home with a less than helpful surgeon or drive over 2 hours and have it done by a clinic that is wonderful. However I would not be able to take part in most of their programs because it is over 2 hours away. I am so confused, also the fact that he kept looking at my chest during the consult didn't help either. (haven't told hubby about that part) Needless to say it was not a wonderful apointment. :thumbup:
mom2twins

mom2twins

4
 

surgeon consult this afternoon

Maybe I'm just getting very nervous but I didn't sleep much last night. I have my first appointment with the surgeon this afternoon and don't know what to expect. I have heard some people say good things things about this guy but the internet says something totally different. I am hoping to get a good feeling from him because I would like to stay local if I can, If not I do know a good place that is only 2 hours away. 2 hours isn't that far unless gas keep going on it's upward track. Ok I guess this post is just nerves. :thumbup:
mom2twins

mom2twins

2
 

long day

I keep checking the web site to see if the request for approval has been sent to insurance yet. Nothing there. I am getting so anxious about know yes or no. I have not made plans for this summer yet because my insurance tends to go quickly after they approve the band. I do have a family get together the first weekend in September and I would like to be the small one there as my whole family (cousins, aunts, uncles) are all large people. I haven't seem most of then since before I had my kids and they are 9 now. It will be nice to see them all, but I don't want to be in pre or post op diets (liquid) stages when I'm there. Why don't doctors understand that it might just be their job but it is our lives they keep on hold. Ok I'll stop for now.
mom2twins

mom2twins

1
 

starting the insurance circus

:thumbup: Ok I called the surgeons office today and they said it takes about 3 to 4 weeks to get the insurnace approval. I asked if it had been sent and she said it takes a while to get the approval. I called insurance co (TriCare) and they said it only takes 3 to 5 days max but they have to get the request for approval first and nothing has been sent in. When my PCM did the refferal for the surgeon it wa there by the time I got home that afternoon. My appointment with the surgeon was last Monday and they haven't gotten anything from them. I'm not sure if it is the surgeon office that is dragging their feet or if the mailed it to take longer instead of calling or faxing the refferal. It really does make you feel like a piece of meat and not a person when they put off your paperwork like it doesn't matter when or if i ever gets filed. Just had to vent a little bit. I was getting ready for this to be done and start moving throught hte steps of post op diet and getting the scales to go down instead of up. ~~ :cool2:
mom2twins

mom2twins

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another lie

I am so upset today. Hubby said he was going to help me and support me if I do the lapband. I mentioned that I would like to start looking for an elipitcal exercise machine, maybe even a used one so that I could put it in the kitchen. He looked at me and said NO just go to the gym they have a great one on base. Ok if I was 135 pounds lighter (that would make me 140) and didn't have 2 9 year old girls to take care of that might work. I hate going to the gym and trying to do the machines next to a little twig in barely enough clothes to cover what a swim suit doesn't. Then there are all the young guys in the military who just make you feel even worse with their comments that they don't think you can hear. I finally have a house big enough to put some sort of excersice equipment in and not have to move furniture out. I liked using the eliptcal when my daughter was recovering from her car accident and feel that I would not get bored or tired of it for a while. I also like to watch DVD's and that would be no problem while here at home, plus I could still watch the girls or even do it after they go to bed, I am a night person. OK I just had to rant and this is my only outlet for now. I feel so betrayed by him. He says one thing and them undercuts me at every step. I may be one of those people that they say loose all the weight and leave an abusive person because you are no longer settling for seconds anymore. OK, I am done for today, the girls and I are off to price exercise machines. :thumbup:
mom2twins

mom2twins

6
 

gone for too long

Hey guys, sorry I have been gone for so long. I lost a littel bit of weight and got a big dose of self confidence and went out and got a job. I have been a stay at home mom for over ten years so this was a big change for me. I am slowly starting to adjust, but after working on the computer for 40 hours a week it has been hard to get back on the computer at night. I have to spend some time with my girls. looking foreward to catching up with everybody. :smile2:
mom2twins

mom2twins

1
 

not so happy today

Yesterday was another of those first for me. Hubby and I took the kids to Six Flags again. I got my daughter to ride a roller coaster for the first time and even though she was having a fit she was in the car. I had to get out because I could not fit in to the seat. I was embarssed that I had to get out of the cart and walk off the other side of the platform. At least we were toward the back so not everyone on the ride saw what I was doing. I haven't really seen myself as a big person, but since we moved back to the states in March it has been hitting me. I am starting to realize that this is the last hope for me. not so happy today.
mom2twins

mom2twins

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finally got it

:blush:I am so computer challenged. It took me over 3 hours to figure out how to get the ticker to show up in the signature block. I think they are great and look really nice when you reply to a post. Now I just have to get over the hurdle of keeping it updated. I lost the first one that I did out in computer land and have no idea how to find it agian so I made another one. I guess my life will be first and little achivements from now on.
mom2twins

mom2twins

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you guys are great!

Ok I had my seminar just to make sure I could check that block off. I found out that since I have been reading a few books and then on this web site so much that I already had heard most of what they had to say. The only thing new this morning was actually being able to hold a lapband in my hands. it was nice to be able to let my girls hold it also. They did ask a few questions once they doctor was finished talking to everyone. I'm not sure if hubby learned much or not, but at least he was there. I am starting to think that if they can do it sooner rather than later, I might just skip the three week go to grandma's and get banded. This site has been a real motavation for me. In less than 2 months I have gone from NO WAY AT ALL, to I think I am comfortable enough to really make this work. As I have said before in the chat rooms, you guys are great! :thumbup:
mom2twins

mom2twins

1
 

learning alot

Ok, my life is now full of firsts. This is my first blog ever, this is the first time I have ever even considered surgery for my weight, this is the first time I feel like I have hope in years. I just moved back to the states after being in Italy for my hubby's job. That was a big thing for me, however I do appriecate what we have in the states so much more after living without for a few years. My girls are 9 now and are geting teased because of me, and I hate that. I remember the same thing happening to me when I was a kid and it breaks my heart that I am now doing the same thing for my girls. I guess it really hit me when I skipped out on a field trip to the Zoo because I didn't want to embarass my girls. I have my surgeon consult on the 23rd (June) and that will be another first for me. Since we have just moved I haven't met any friends here in Texas yet, but this web site has been awonderful place for me to learn about the banding and meet caring people. I feel at home when I am on this web site. Ok I guess that is good enough for today. Ciao' SC
mom2twins

mom2twins

2
 

August here so fast

It is so hard to believe that the summer is over. Everything is going so fast. I have my endoscope this week and get the band next week. I knew that TriCare moved fast but I am still shocked by the whole thing. I am glad that it is going fast so that I don't have time to get scared and talk myself out of this. I have been buyin a few things the last few days. I found a little bowl with a lid and a small strainer that fits over the top. That way when we go out I can get the soup and strain out what I can't eat in the liquid stages. I can't not let the rest of my family not enjoy their lives just because of my rules. I want to learn how to live with them and my new life at the same time. This will be changes for all of us.
mom2twins

mom2twins

1
 

good weekend

my girls are smiling and being little girls again. They just got their ears pierced and that has made their eyes sparkle. I have started seeing myself the way others have been looking at me. very large. it has been a new thing for me to see myself under this other person that I have walking around with. wow, I weigh twice as much as I did 20 years ago. I have been thinking about all the foods that we are not suposed to eat after being banded and have realized that there are very few that I actually eat now. I guess the celery and peanut butter will be one that I miss, but that is not much. I guess that is why I am so confussed about being this big, I eat the way they say I should but I just keep getting bigger. Hubby and I have been cutting our portions in half the last two months and I have gained more weight once again. It makes me want to cry, but maybe after the banding that will stop the cycle and my girls will no longer have to worry about their friends teasing them because of their fat mom. SC :biggrin:
mom2twins

mom2twins

2
 

got a date

I got my insurance approval and a surgery date this afternoon. I am going to get the band on Aug 11th. I have been posting it everywhere that I can. I didn't realize how good it felt to know when it is going to happen. I know it is a big change for my life and my family to go through, but it is going to help my girls to learn to eat better. I can't wait to not be the fat mom at all the school events with my girls. I keep thinking that I need to buy a scale for the house, but then again I don't want to be obsessed with what the numbers are saying over what my clothes and body is saying. I guess it will work it self out in time. Later, :smile2:
mom2twins

mom2twins

2
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