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About this blog

My journey from then to now

Entries in this blog

 

Onederland!

On 3/31/2007 I hit ONEDERLAND! Legitimately. I've been there temporarily after a bout of the flu in January but it was hard to celebrate when I felt so crappy (literally). I am officially 197lbs! and I've stayed between that and 198 for 2 weeks now. When I got there it was quite amazing. One week I was 200.5 then the next I was 197. I had to weigh twice and do a double take. I was floating on cloud 9 for the entire day and damned if I had anyone to tell. My hubby was at work. My best friend wasn't available and my other "friend" would only rain on my parade by telling me things like I'll only gain it back. So I celebrated by getting a new hair do and dancing all the way there in the car.   I see that my last entry was a while ago and I've thought many times to update but I haven't really had much to say. I've been plodding along the Lap Band trail. In January I went back to Dr. Curry and had a complete unfill (yes, I've lost weight UNFILLED) due to the ongoing reflux and inability to sleep lying in a mostly laying position. I've come to realize that I was causing some of the problem by eating a little too much, too fast and the pain that I was experiencing was food stuck. Go figure. Someone who's been banded this long just learning what it's like to have something a little stuck.   I still haven't PB'd (not that I'm complaining). The last time I slimed was in the summer when I was really tight. I still get a little of the reflux if I sleep on my back and especially if I overeat. I see it as a payback for being bad.   I've started a new exercise regime. Yes, me exercising. It's kind of a cross between yoga and pilates. It's called Egoscue and it's very relaxing. I don't feel like I'm working, but man am I sore the next day if I concentrate and do it well. Sometimes as a treat, the teacher even goes over some basic Thai Chi. I'm walking better, more erect and I am so much more flexible. Which has extra benefits.:guess   If anybody's interested in what I'm eating.......pretty much anything I want. I'm following Dr. Roizen and Oz's recommendations and I've tried to limit high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated oils and bleached flours. So, I eat whole grains and anything that is as natural as it can get. I read labels. I have a small amount of nuts as a mid morning snack and it really does quell any deep hunger so I don't grab any chips.
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Warning: Not a positive post

Generally things have gone about the same, no ups, no downs, no improvements, no deterioration. So I figured why bother with an entry. Also there's that old addage: If you don't have anything good to say, why say it?   Well, I'm blowing that all to hell with this post. So a warning for those who want to read something good and fluffy about the band.   Yes, I'm still a proponent of the band. Yes, I would recommend it to anyone. But I would not recommend Drs. Duckett and Oweis. Although I have no proof, I think they either placed my band incorrectly or I have had a slipped band for over a year.   When I had the EGD with Dr. Curry, he said my band was "higher than he usually sees it" or maybe he said "higher than he usually placed it" gimme a break, I was coming out of a drug-induced stupor. Anyway, it was higher than where it probably should be is what I've come out of this with. I didn't start having some of the symptoms I most hate until I started vomiting related to the gall bladder. So..............despite the fact that Drs. Duckett and Oweis kept telling me that I don't have a slip, is it possible that I have slipped up? Because I had some pretty violent vomiting when I went through 6 months of gall bladder attacks that they told me were "esophageal spasms".   ONE NOTE: I mentioned all of that vomiting with the gall bladder. Yes, it was violent, yes it was painful-I thought I wanted to die-but most of it was mucous. Also, I have NEVER had a PB. I swear! I have never eaten something and brought it back up. I have vomited due to the gall bladder attacks and about 2 months ago, I a morning that I thought I had the stomach flu. I vomited twice-I hadn't eaten anything so that wasn't a PB either. How can that be? I will freely admit that I have, on occasion, over eaten. I do my best to stop when I feel full, but I'm sure I have eaten more than I should have. I know it's not uncommon for people to not have any food sensitivities, but I'm tellin' ya I don't have any food that I absolutely cannot eat. The worst that happens to me is that I have a little tummy ache until it passes.   Anyway, the purpose of my post today is to spell out all the complaints that I have and to detail all the symptoms that I have. Since I've been living with the understanding that most bandsters live with the band with no symptoms, basically not feeling anything or hardly knowing it's there I figure something is wrong with this picture. It's to clarify it in my own mind, not necessarily to ellicit anyone's opinion of what the hell's wrong with me. I plan to contact Dr. Curry after the first of the year (I figure there's no hurry since I've been living with this so f-ing long).   #1-I have not been able to lay comfortably on my back since the summer of 2005. During that time I was having the gall bladder attacks and when I told Dr's Duckett (fuckett) and Oweis, they filled me, unfilled me, filled me, unfilled me and kept telling me that I was having esophageal spasms. Once I got the gall bladder out, I hoped this would go away but it didn't. What happens is that after a while (I couldn't say how long because I'm usually asleep) a pressure builds up in the epigastric area and wakes me up. I don't cough. I don't choke. I don't sputter. It's an aching pressure in my epigastric area that is painful enough that it wakes me and keeps me awake for a while after I've turned on my side to relieve the pressure. Hell, this even affects me if I want to have missionary-style sex. Let's not even get into the fact that sometimes I feel the port during this position. (Again, thanks to Drs Duckett/Oweis my port is at my waistline and is occasionally bumped.) I feel pressure in the epigastric area when I lay flat, this makes missionary-style sex kind of difficult because I'm at the very least, distracted.   #2-I AM SICK TO DEATH OF SLEEPING WITH MY HEAD (upper body) ELEVATED ON A BLANKET AND 4 PILLOWS! I have been doing this since July! I would give anything to sleep flat. If I do, after a couple of nights, I wake up with sore throats and dreaming I'm choking although I cannot honestly say I have choked.   #3-I am tired of having a sore nostril. I've had this off and on since July or August. Quite often, after I've eaten (or had a very fast drink) I will get a sore nostril. At first, I tried to blame this on my seasonal allergies but I have come to the conclusion that this is directly related to eating and possibly my band-that it's some sort of weird form of reflux.   #4-Sore throats. I don't have them all the time like before Dr. Curry did the slight unfill, but I have them a lot and although I'm sure it's because of reflux and I'm probably still too tight, I'm SICK of having them.   #5-Pain in my left upper quadrant of my abdomen (that's where the stomach is, for those who don't know). Occasionally I get intense physical pain in this area. It has nothing to do with eating, it has more to do with NOT eating. When it's at it's worst, I haven't eaten in something like 4 or 5 hours (which shouldn't be uncommon) but when you have pain like that you're afraid to eat, which causes the pain to intensify. This particular symptom I have also had since the summer of 2005!   #6-I feel obsessed with food and I'm not even losing weight. When do I eat? What do I eat? How do I coordinate my eating with my drinking? When was the last time I ate? (because I want something to drink)   O.K., O.K. I can see that I probably need an unfill. I'm planning on asking Dr. Curry for one after the first of the year (I've got to send him some medical records first and get my finances in order). I knew that before. However, the #1 complaint (being unable to lay on my back) happens whether I'm completely unfilled or filled. I'd like to think I'm pretty knowledgeable about the band and how it's supposed to act. But why is it that I always have symptoms that don't seem to fit the norm? Then, when I go to my doctor, they want to blame it on my psychological state rather than investigate into what may really be causing it?   Plan: contact Dr. Ducket/Oweis's office to get my appropriate medical records forwarded to Dr. Curry first thing Monday (12/18). Once I know Dr. Curry has the records, I'll contact his office with my symptoms and make arrangements to get insurance pre-approval for an adjustment (unfill, slight or entire-whichever will relieve these symptoms).   Just ranting. Bear with me.
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Feelin' better

FIRST, I'D LIKE TO SAY I'M GLAD TO SEE THE JOURNALS BACK UP AND RUNNING. I WAS BEGINNING TO HAVE THOUGHTS THAT MY JOURNAL WAS PERMANENTLY GONE.   I had the EGD done on 9/18. Something about it at the time, made Dr. C concerned so he also did an upper GI while I was there. A few days later, he contacted me and assured me that everything looked O.K. No ulcers. He thought my band was placed a little high when he did the EGD. That's why he did the upper GI.   For the most part, I feel fine. I do have just a little bit of burning if I overeat. Which I'm not supposed to do anyway, so I consider it a reminder that I must make good decisions and stop when I am satisfied rather than full. I'm still sleeping slightly elevated and I would say that I'm pretty much where I was before that fill with Dr. Oweis. When I lay on my back I get that pressure. I sleep best on my sides. I generally don't wake with a sore throat, although it's hard to tell right now since I have a little bit of a cold that's hanging on.   At this point, I guess it's time to start focusing back on my weight loss since the crisis seems to be at the very least on the downslide. I'd really like to see onderland soon. The last time I weighed myself (which was a few weeks ago), I was 206 I think. And, unless I've gained significantly during this period I should be able to do it with a little determination.   Plan: start logging my food. Exercise, Exercise, Exercise. If I can't do my elliptical, I'll be sure to walk the track at work for at least 30min a day.
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EGD here I come

Curiously enough I got a call this week from Dr. Duckett and Oweis's office. They still wanted to schedule the EGD and unfill. I called Dr. Curry's office and asked if he'd want me to go through with the test here at home or with him (since he's a 3+ hour drive from my home). He advised having it done with him, something about seeing it first hand.   So, I'm scheduled for the EGD to look down my esophagus, stomach and duodenum to see what the heck has been causing all the burning. I still have a little bit of sore throat. It seems to be worst in the evening. I do wake with it but it gets better after a little while. To be honest, I'm getting really tired of sleeping so propped up. It's amazing how sore you're butt can get sleeping in the same position all night long. :confused: Those are the 2 most aggrevating things about my current situation.   I've learned that if I make a very conscious effort to eat very small portions, to essentially stop before I'm full or satisfied, that I feel better. The problem with that is I want to kind of graze because I'm not satisfied. I haven't weighed myself because I just don't want to know. My clothes feel the same, so that makes me feel better. But right now I don't want to see those numbers on the scale. Ice cream has been my friend; it feels good on my sore throat. :nervous   So, until Monday.........we'll see what the EGD shows then.
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I think this new doc and his practice will be good

I'm back from my initial consult with Dr. C. He and his practice are wonderful. They're so kind and understanding. They actually listened to me. Just to have someone listen to me I felt kind of at home. If it wouldn't have been totally weird, I would have hugged them all. He took out some of my fill and is hopeful that will help my reflux. If not, he will be interested in the EGD that Dr. Oweis had suggested. He said that I need a break from this tight band. I've been eating soft food and mostly soups for so long I don't know if I'd know how to eat normal food again (joke).   I can't say as I've noticed a miraculous improvement or anything, but I have noticed some of the pressure in my throat has improved. We'll see how the sore throat is in the morning.   One curious note, he sounded familiar with Dr. Duckett/Oweis and indicated he has received other patients of theirs who had left the practice. :guess
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A lighter note

I just looked through the last few entries of this journal and realized that this thing could really be a downer so, let's get some light hearted stuff in. UM, gee I don't know any good things to put. LOL   I do feel a little better than I did 2 days ago. At least I'm not as angry. The reflux is still there, but not as severe. I haven't tasted blood since last Friday (8/18/06). I haven't had to suck on as many tums. I guess those are good things.   I haven't weighed myself so I can't report on that. My goal right now is to get this reflux better not to lose weight. Although I must admit I certainly would be ticked if I gained. :omg:   I just want to be clear for any prospective lap banders who may be reading this that I do love my band and if someone told me I had to have it out, I would expect adequate justification for the removal. I just happen to be a little too tight right now, I think. We'll get this cleared up, I'm sure.   I do not regret the band, I'd do it again in a heartbeat despite what may appear to be negativity here. Please remember that most days go by without so much as a hiccup. It's those days that I am guilty of forgetting to document for posterity. I write for my own therapy. I put things in this particular journal that I feel are directly related to the lap band even though I have a full, private journal that I write in more regularly. I look forward to the comments and hope that my journey can help others just as the journals I read in my early days helped me.
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I've been told I'm crazy, AGAIN!

Well, I FINALLY had my appointment with my band doctor today. Getting a word in edgewise with him is so terribly difficult. I went in to tell him all of these reflux troubles. I went in expecting a slight or total unfill. I tried to tell him my symptoms and I did for the most part. What happened was that he basically threatened me with band removal because "Well, we don't want unhappy people." I told him that I was happy as long as I wasn't having pain or reflux. He said, "I see you have a history of anxiety." WHAT? The only anxiety I've had was associated with that dark period where I had "esophageal spasms" that turned out to be gall bladder attacks. Dr. Duckett (his partner) didn't diagnose them properly, I was desperate for help because they HURT LIKE HELL! I can't say that enough...THEY HURT LIKE HELL AND I WANTED TO DIE DURING THE ATTACKS. He went on to question my "anxiety" and why I'm not happy with my band and did they REALLY find stones in my gall bladder. As if some sweetheart doctor just took my gall bladder out because I asked him to. PUHLEEZ!   Ultimately, he decided to do an EGD (scope my esophagus and stomach) and check my band under fluoroscope. BUT, yes, BUT I have to get prior approval from my insurance which could take weeks. Yes, I said weeks. I asked him what I'm supposed to do in the mean time. He said keep taking the Nexium (which hadn't really made the reflux go away) and maybe do liquids. I feel like I've been living on soup and ice cream (which feels like heaven on my throat by the way). I spent the weekend sleeping in a lawn chair! I'm not sleeping well because the burning wakes me up. Thank God I don't aspirate (which is another argument he had against me having "real reflux") other than maybe a little rattle in my chest first thing in the morning which is cleared with a good cough or 2.   I have been completely dissed by my band doctor, or at least I feel that way. I've been left to experience these symptoms, including tasting blood on occasion because one doctor felt I was experiencing "anxiety" in the past and the partner (who obviously read the remark in my chart) either doesn't have a clue or honestly thinks that too. Anxiety, which personally I feel was justified during the gall bladder debaucle, had I actually been having it. I just want treated. I want the symptoms to be gone. Good God, I've changed my job to a less stressful one. I exercise more. I've made lots of improvements in my life. Wouldn't I know if I were having anxiety attacks or anxiety in general? My only anxiety revolves around these symptoms and not being allowed to get them treated. It has nothing to do with the band itself and to threaten me with removing it simply because he thinks I'm unhappy with the band is ludicrous. I love my band, believe it or not. I really think I'm probably just too tight (hopefully). I think there's a small possibility of other complications here like a slip or something. But this has been coming on kind of gradually with increased intensity since that last fill. I'd say about a month after that last fill I noticed the first sore throat in the morning.   The clear thinking medical practicioner in me versus the angry patient can still see that this can be treated, as long as I find someone who will listen and not pass psychological judgement. I sincerely do not know what kind of patient I display myself to others as to have this kind of judgement passed upon me. I've even had to stop telling my doctors that I'm a nurse, they get all high and mighty with me. They say, "there's only one thing worse than a patient who is a nurse and that's a patient who is a doctor." I'm not kidding when I say that a doctor has told me, "what's the worst thing that could happen, you have to be in a wheelchair and your husband will push you around?" (This was when I was seeking treatment for an arthritic hip-I have since had to have a replacement) I do not demand certain tests, treatments or even suggest diagnoses. I let their own egos direct the care. The only time I've interjected was when my 2nd opinion on the gall bladder was going for esophageal spasms again. I asked if he would check my gall bladder. He did. He apologized for having missed it.   Well, now that I've ranted enough and before I get all kinds of hostile PM's or something let me alleviate all your fears and concerns. I have made an appointment to see ANOTHER DOCTOR for Friday. Yes, I have had it as far as I can take it with these two egomaniacs who think that everything they have operated on should go by the book. (They have told me that they have only had a couple of their lap band patients need gall bladder surgery after lap band). Well, come on.......we all know that weight loss in the fair, fertile, female, fat, forty (well, you get the picture) leads to gall stones. I may have to drive over 3 hours to get there, but if this doc listens to me and pays attention to my symptoms it will be well worth the drive. I just want to feel better. Who the hell cares about losing weight at this point? Dr. C..............here I come.
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Gee, it's always something

Gosh, I'd have to go through my entire journal to remember if I've mentioned this problem or not. Either way, here goes...Since about November of 2005 I haven't been able to sleep on my back. If I do, I get an uncomfortable pressure sometimes accompanied by a burning in my upper abdomen and sometimes in my chest. I've told my doctor about it. I told him when it started. He blew me off, actually tightened me and told me to raise the head of my bed, not to eat for at least three hours before going to bed, to drink a glass of water before going to bed, yada yada yada. I did all those things. I took Nexium. I took pepcid. I took Maalox. I still had it. I posted about it on more than one lap band forum. No one else had it, no one could give me an explanation. The only suggestion I got was to drink that aweful aloe vera juice. I did. NO IMPROVEMENT. I resigned myself to not being able to sleeping on my back for some undetermined reason FOREVER.   That's the history. Now, here's the present. For the last 3 or 4 weeks, this problem has been getting progessively worse. I've been waking with a sore throat sometimes. Now the sore throat is constant. The weird thing is that sometimes I get sore nostrils. I don't vomit. I don't choke. I don't cough. Once in a while, I taste blood. This is getting serious. And, of course no one knows why this is or has similar symptoms. Of course this is some weird reflux for a person who has never vomited other than vomiting associated with that damn gall bladder, I sure am having problems.   I called my doctor on Wednesday. They told me he'd call me back. He had to run out to emergency surgery, but he'd call me back today between the hours of 9 and 12. NO CALL. So, I called them. I'm told he had to rush out to another surgery, but that he'd call me on Tuesday. I talked to the nurse, but wasn't told anything I didn't already know. I might be too tight, I might have to have a barium swallow, Dr. Ducket usually checks this under fluroscopy. Well, DAMN! I've had these symptoms filled and completely unfilled. MORONS! I don't want to get mouthy with the doctors but I'm at my wits end here. Why the hell am I having this? What is it other than simple reflux? It sure doesn't behave like the reflux everyone else seems to complain of.   So, for the time being I keep my Tums close and suck on them like candy to help with the sore throat. I drink a big swig of Maalox before bed. I take my Nexium with dinner. All these things I do along with the previously mentioned advise. Hell, I can't get my head any higher without sleeping standing up (which I'd do if I could because that's the only time I'm comfortable).
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And....we're off to the races

I've just finished (well, sort of) the Sacred Heart Diet found on a thread here on LBT. It's kind of like the cabbage soup diet, but the soup is much better and you have much more variety with your daily meals. By day 4, I had lost 5 pounds. BUT, because the first 3 days don't have any significant protein I was feeling a little dizzy and on the third day I broke down and had a few bites of chicken. I also experienced some terrible cramping in my feet at night. That tells me I wasn't getting enough potassium, so I stopped the diet other than having the soup for lunch with some roast beef and fruit for snacks.   Ordinarily, I don't fall for these fad diets. But after looking into this one I felt that other than the low protein intake for the first couple of days it was a fairly good choice. If I'd do it again, I'd make sure I had some protein EVERY day AND, I'd get some potassium every day.   Also, this diet has gotten me more constipated than I have been in a long time. Who would have thought it considering all the fruits and veggies? So, anyone reading this and considering that Sacred Heart Diet.........start on your stool softeners now or eat lots of prunes on fruit day. :Banane20:   Now, the real test for me is going to be keeping those 5 pounds off. It's hard for me to believe that it was water weight because of the weight loss I've been working on, but I suppose it could be. I'll be watching, I'll have to be vigilant about my dietary choices until I know it's more of a permanent loss.     Now, for those who feel the need to warn me about these fad diets....AGAIN, I am not one to diet (usually). I've been banded over a year. I try not to live with a "diet mentality", rather I try to learn to live healthy and make healthy choices most of the time. However, if you've been reading my journal you should know that I've been on a very long plateau with short-lived losses of 1 or 2 lbs. My doc thinks I may even have a leak. Although I do not have to explain my reasons to anyone, this diet has been met with some controversy on the original thread and I don't want anyone to either label me or jump to conclusions. I did this diet to help keep me motivated and to see some loss. Without some positive outcomes I lose hope. I know myself and that's what happens. So, with that said, those are the reasons I did it, no more and no less. It may be selfish. It may be shallow, but the behaviors are deep-seated and I would have continued to sink into the black hole of despair.
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OH profile....My history from then to now.

Starting weight: 283 Height: 5'8" Starting BMI: 43 Goal: 150ish. I'd be happy with higher if I thought I looked and felt good. I guess it depends on where my body feels comfortable.   I have been overweight all of my adult life and really, as long as I can remember. I feel like I've been on some sort of diet forever. The first diet I can remember is at the age of 16, my mother sent me to Weight Watchers. I've been on Jenny Craig, Richard Simmons. I've taken Redux and just about any over the counter "dietary supplement" known to man. I've been able to lose weight with these things but I've never been able to keep the weight off and the pounds usually bring a few friends back with them. It's really amazing when I look in the mirror. I don't think I look that bad, but when I see photos of myself I am shocked at how big I look. I'm ashamed of what I look like.   I am looking foreward to the day when I have the lap band as a tool to help me keep on track. I was born with a condition known as congenital hip dysplasia (my hips weren't formed right and were dislocated). I'm told that I'm lucky to be able to walk, but I had a good doctor as a child and with many surgeries, I'm whole again. It's hard for me to participate in high impact exercise, but I walk, ride bicyle, swim and try to keep active.   I enjoy reading and music. My favorite author is Stephen King. My husband and I own a travel trailer and do a lot of camping in the summer time. That keeps me active with walking and bicycling.   I had my surgical consult on 1/14/05 and am currently waiting for insurance approval for adjustable gastric banding.   2/3/05 I got word that my insurance approved me for the lap band. Hooray!.   2/9/05 I've scheduled all my pre-op testing and dietician appointments. They tell me my surgery is scheduled for 4/4/05!. WOW. This is happening faster than I thought. The nurse from the office had told me yesterday that 4/4/05 was a possible date but didn't tell me they were going to schedule it.   02/11/05 I got a letter from my doctor's office and from the hospital advising me that my surgery has been scheduled for 4/4/05. What a way to notify someone. Well, at least it's official. Now the waiting game begins. I'm trying to follow the post banding diet so it won't come as such a shock for me post operatively. I'm "in training" so to speak. I think I find the no drinking with my meals and trying to time my fluid intake around my meals the hardest.   2/23/05 I had my first appointment with the office nurse who does most of the follow ups. She was doing my lap band teaching. All the pre-op, actual operative and post op advice I understood and was prepared for except for one thing. She told me to start eating with a baby spoon and a pickle fork so that I could get accustomed to small bites. I don't even know what a pickle fork is!. Is this something I'll have to do forever? I can't find anywhere on the forums where anyone has been advised this except for other patients of Dr. Duckett. I guess this will just become part of my "in training" whether I feel good about it or not. How am I gonna explain those utensils to my co-workers since I've tried to keep the whole surgery from them to begin with?   2/26/05 Had my consultation with the dietician today. It took 2 hours! Who knew it would take 2 hours to go over food? She made me feel very comfortable and she gave me a lot of hand-outs on the different types of diets should I ever stray. There's even examples of menu's. Although, that's exactly what I've been researching ever since I decided the lap band was for me. I felt very informed going in and very confidant going out. OH, and one more thing. I weighed myself today. I'm down to 272.5!. That's 9lbs gone since I've started trying to follow the lap band diet after my consultation with Dr. Duckett. WooHoo!   3/2/05 I found this on a post tonight and thought that it spoke volumes for my situation. I wanted to save it in case I forgot all the reasons I chose lap band.   Once in awhile, someone will come around asking for the reasons why I chose the Band, so I'll compile my reasons here:   More natural rate of weight loss: * Minimal sagging skin * No "window of opportunity" * Plenty of time to develop better eating/living habits, including exercise   Least invasive surgery: * Lower rate of complications or death * Complications are easier to manage * Quicker recovery time; less painful * No cutting/rearranging of body parts * No changing the natural digestive process * No necessity of taking vitamins or supplements; I can get all I need from food   Most innovative technique: * Adjustable for permanent weight-loss aid * Removable, should something more effective become available * "Cool" factor   Generous but effective learning curve: * Better eating habits must be adopted from day one - no coasting * Has been labeled as "thinking person's WLS" * No punitive "dumping syndrome"; may eat like a normal person * Ability to drink normally and get in enough water * Safety-net effect; may put weight loss on hold to concentrate on other matters without gaining   I never seriously considered RNY. When I heard about the Band, it was like a light bulb going on for me.   By the way, I weighed myself again. 270.5! Another 2lbs gone. I don't want to get in the habit of weighing myself more than once a week, but I couldn't help myself, and I stepped on.   3/18/05 I had the upper GI and venous doppler studies today. Man, I felt like I was playing twister on that x-ray table for the upper GI. It was like, "turn left, more left, turn right, more right, now on your stomach, bend your knee, roll over." Venous doppler was a piece of cake other than the goo they use for the ultrasound. It was kind of hard to get all of it off. I haven't lost any more weight, but on the bright side, I haven't gained either. Once I'm banded, my portions will be significantly less and with the liquid diet required, I'm sure I'll get moving again.   4/2/05 I've been on the full liquid diet since 3/30/05. Sometimes I feel like I'm being tortured. I dream about food. Is that sick or what? I feel really sorry for those individuals who have to do this for longer than the 5 days I'm required to follow it.   4/6/05 I'm home and banded. I read about this gas pain, but geez it really is the worst. I'm not nauseated or anything. But the pressure in my chest and upper abdomen feels like I'm having a heart attack sometimes. I try to walk it off, but last night it was even hard to breathe. I'm trying to sip my water and eat a little at a time, but really I'm not hungry. I'm only eating out of fear that I'll get run down and not feel well if I don't.   4/8/05 Feeling better today. I've been up and about the house. The only discomfort I've had is from moving too quickly. I do have an odd sensation of bloatedness. It seems like I have it all the time. I'm trying to learn the language of the band but it's hard when everything feels like different levels of full at this point, even when I'm only consuming liquids.   4/16/05 Feeling back to my old self for the most part. I'm up and around, even starting to feel hungry. I have 2 more days of full liquids then I can move onto pureed. I can honestly say I'm really looking foreward to that as I'm getting tired of soup! I plan on going back to work on 4/18/05 and although I am physically ready, I would like more time off. Who doesn't like being home and relaxing?   4/25/05 Gee, the last week has gone by so fast, I haven't had time to blink let alone update or post. My husband's grandmother passed away on 4/18/05 so, we had to leave for Texas on very short notice. I've been on mushies and let me tell you, traveling on mushies is a difficult task. Especially to Texas where there is GREAT Tex-Mex food available. My husband's family doesn't know I had surgery, so I had to make do. I had some cold cuts, chewed really well and some very well cooked roast beef (also very well chewed). I didn't have any problems with them, other than some extra gas, but I didn't push it and tried to stay with very soft, mushy or even foods that boardered on liquids for the duration of the trip. I got on the scale today, and I've lost 3 more pounds! WOW! I never thought I would because truthfully, I didn't think I was getting enough calories in and I definately wasn't drinking enough. I've also been fortunate enough to have some sort of cold or bronchitis and haven't been feeling up to eating or drinking. I guess, I must have done something right! This journey is so unique.   5/3/05 I had read other member's NSV's but I didn't really realize the significance of them until this morning. I had dressed for work in slacks that zipped on the side. They were loose, but I didn't realize how loose they were until...I had to tinkle and when I went into the bathroom I pulled my pants down. I had absentmindedly thought that I was wearing elastic waistband pants! They came down without any problem and as I sat there, I started laughing, my husband thought I was crazy laughing there on the toilet. This has been on my mind all day and I had to share it because I've read everyone's weight loss in the first few weeks and I felt that my own weight loss was a little slower than others. (I know, we're not supposed to compare ourselves, but it's hard not to) I had resigned myself to being a slow loser. I must be losing inches and because I hadn't measured myself, I'll never know exactly how many inches I've lost. Oh well, I can feel it in my clothes and the way I move.   5/23/05 Just a quick update. Feeling good. The weight is slowly going down. 250.5 today. I think it's been 2 years since I've weighed that. Over the weekend, I cheated a little and had some Doritos. Not a lot, just maybe an ounce or 2. Just the same, shouldn't have had them. Well it's just 1 day along the road. "one day at a time"   6/5/05 I've been 248 for about a week now, just didn't update. Hope to see some more loss soon. I haven't had a fill, so I don't really have much restriction. I follow the diet and I do feel satisfied for about 3 hours. I can't say that I'm hungry a lot or "starving" or anything. Still trying hard to get all my water in every day.   6/10/05 I weighed myself today. 244.5! I've been out of town for work and I've been eating all my meals out. I feel I've made mostly good choices, a lot of grilled chicken salads though. I do log everything I eat in a program I have for my PDA, it's called Balancelog. It's O.K., although I'm sure no program's perfect. I've been staying about 1200 cal or less. :-P once in a great while I'm over, but not by much. I've also been doing better with the water because it's been so hot here.   7/18/05 I haven't updated in a while because I've been stuck for about a month. In fact, after my last post, I gained 4 lbs and had to lose them again. I've been more active with exercising and I've been doing well with my eating habits, but still I was stuck. So...I scheduled a fill. I had to convince the doctor's office nurse first, but I did it. Today was my first fill. It wasn't so bad. The doctor did it under fluoro at the hospital where I had my surgery. BUT, I'm filled to 2.8 or "just under 2.8" according to the doctor. That seems like a lot. I watched the passage of barium through the band and it went through, albeit slowly. The doctor reminded me several times to take it slow and to call anytime, day or night if I have spitting or problems. I'm a little scared. I've been on clear liquids since the fill this morning and haven't had any problems getting those down. I guess I'm just nervous. I've never had a PB and I don't want to.   7/29/05 Oh my God! Yesterday I thought I was going to die. Or at least I wished I had for a time. I've still been on mushies. The doctor told me to take it slow after that fill and I've been ever faithful to those orders mostly out of fear. I had very finely shredded tuna salad and one of those breakstone's creamed cottage cheese with fruit for lunch. It went down fine and I took my time. I had eaten both of those items before and wasn't worried. About an hour and a half afterwards, the pain started. It felt like something was stuck. I started to walk around. I even took a couple sips of water, which I know doesn't usually help but I have found it's kind of instinct. When that didn't work, I kept walking. I walked for nearly a half hour straight, sometimes leaning over a sink hoping and wishing I'd vomit for the pain to go away. I finished my work and got in my car. By this time, an hour had passed and the pain was so bad I could hardly breathe. I called my DH who called the surgeon and told me to get to the ER to be checked. The ER is an hour from my home and I was more than a half hour from my home! That drive home was the most painful torture I have ever experienced. The pain only seemed to get worse and worse. Then, about 2 miles from my house, I felt a "pop" and suddenly the pain and pressure was gone. When I got home, DH and I decided to go to the ER anyway mostly because we were scared. I had never experienced anything this extreme (nor do I again, thank you). The doc checked my band under fluoro and to my amazement, the 2.8cc he said he put in is now down to 2cc and everything is moving just fine, band has not moved. What happened to the 0.8cc? And, what the hell was all that pain?   8/13/05 Gosh how time flies. I didn't really realize that I hadn't updated my profile since "BLACK THURSDAY". I've come to the conclusion that the pain on 7/28 was probably some solid food that I hadn't chewed well enough that had gotten stuck. My Dr. thought maybe I had eaten too fast or swallowed too much air in the process, both viable possibilities. No matter what the cause, I WILL be chewing better and eating slower. I did mushies for a day or 2 after that then continued on soft foods for another week before going back to regular food. I'm doing fine now. I was amazed to find that I can still eat bread, rice, red meat, etc. I really haven't found anything that doesn't go down...yet. I haven't lost any more weight. I'm still at 234.5, but that's o.k. I feel great. I've been kind of bad at getting my water in the last couple of weeks, my work schedule has been weird. I'll get back on track and I'm sure my weight will get moving again.   8/22/05 Been doing O.K. Weighed on Friday. I'm at 232 lbs. I'm doing about a pound a week. I'm very happy with that. I'm in a size 18 comfortably right now. Today, I had to try three pairs of pants to find one that fit well enough to wear to work. The others were so big I looked bad. What can I say, I'm too cheap to buy all new just yet. I think I'm going to have to break down and buy a couple of outfits. I've been telling myself that as I got fat, I also gathered plenty of clothes that got me there. Well, I think I skipped a size or two because I can't find many in size 18 in my closet. Darn, shopping will be such a pain I'm sure. I look back and remember that when I started this journey in January and in the pic below I was in a size 24. In January that size 24 was rather snug.   9/13/05 Feeling pretty good about my weight loss. Still doing the 1-1.5lb loss per week. Went to my monthly support group meeting last night. I realized how lucky I am to be losing steady and to be going along so well. I haven't PB'd, just that "stuck" episode. I tolerate any food I put into my mouth and I have followed my rules pretty well. I try to make good choices most of the time, but I do allow myself treats. I think that's what keeps me happy and on track. I am satisfied with smaller amounts of the things I love. This is exactly what I wanted. I can eat what I want, in moderation and still lose weight. I do track my nutritional and caloric intake nearly daily (I may take a day or 2 off on a weekend, but rarely). And, I don't cheat on that log...I track everything the best that I can. I admit I could be doing better with my exercise. 228lbs.   9/22/05 Although, I generally weigh myself on Friday or Saturday I thought I'd post today because I have plans for the weekend and thought maybe I'd be too busy to post later. The last time I weighed myself I was 225lbs. That's a total of 57lbs gone. I can't say it enough...I am so pleased with my surgery and my weight loss so far. I can't even remember the last time I weighed that. I think it was more than 10 years ago to be honest. I don't feel deprived. I have more energy. My self confidance has gone up. How could it not? So many people have noticed the loss and are making comments. Lap band was the best thing I have ever done for myself and I would do it again in an instant.   10/5/05 Well, I can no longer boast that I have never PB'd. I am not proud of that fact, but here goes...Today at work I started to have that now familiar epigastric pain. I had clam chowder for lunch with a small salad and a breadstick. None of those items were new to me, so I had no fears whatsoever. About an hour after I ate, the pain started. This time I even started to sweat. I figured that I wasn't going to put up with this so...(bulemics beware) I went to the bathroom and put my finger down my throat in hopes to feel better. I only brought up mucous. This only temporarily relieved my pain, so I did this same routine 3 more times. One of those, I did bring up some undigested food. This has not been a pleasant banded day. I'm still uncomfortable, but unless I can't stand the pain I'm not doing it again. I guess it's a jello night.   10/24/05 After the last update, I went to the ER and was kept overnight for dehydration because I couldn't keep anything down. Dr. Duckett took out 1cc from my band the next day. I've been really careful ever since mostly staying with soft foods. I did have a salad over the weekend and felt pretty confidant about it. Today I PB'd again. It was the best PB I've had if that's possible. The pain started, I walked, up it came. All in all it lasted about 10 or 15 minutes. If they were all like that, I would consider it a blessing. Not that I really want them. But that torture of 7/28/05 and 10/5/05 made me want to die. I'm gonna cut this update short because I'm a little sore. I'm down to 223 lbs which is good considering my band is looser than before.   11/24/05. Wow, I forgot to check my profile and hadn't realized how llong it had been. I can remember that time like it was yesterday. I feel like the whole month of October and most of November has been brutal torture for me. I had to keep going back to liquids for one thing or another and I sincerely developed a fear of food. On 11/14/05 when it felt like I was gonna get that pain again I called the doctor's office. I didn't go into a full blown attack, but it was distracting to say the least. I felt like I was eating papaya enzyme tabs like candy in hopes to help digest whatever was the problem (although really how could tomato soup and a bit of tuna salad do that?) Dr. Duckett insisted on seeing me. On 11/17/05 I saw him and he felt that what I was having was esophogeal spasms. I suppose they may have originally been started by something getting stuck, but he felt they were caused by increased stress in my life (which I've been having A LOT of). He gave me a prescription for Valium to help calm those muscles down which I'm only supposed to take when I feel the spasms coming. So far, no more really intense ones since 10/24/05 and 10/25/05 but I fear that and would avoid that with everything in me. I've been doing much better ever since. I do have a little bit of reflux, but I think that may be from eating too late at night. I'm down to 216.5 lbs and very happy with that. I cleaned out my closet and got rid of all of the clothes that were hanging on me. That's a good feeling.   12/28/05 Well, I didn't make it to my unofficial goal of "onederland" by the end of the year but that's O.K. I've lost 69 pounds and am very happy with that. Especially considering the last three months worth of trials I've had, I'm very very happy. October started with a hospitalization for pain and inability to keep liquids down that turned out to be esophageal spasms. November was more of the same then turned into reflux that went on and on which convinced me that my band was slipped. After a long struggle with that reflux, I finally called the doctor who (I think mostly to ease my mind) checked my band under fluoro. All was well. I think he thinks I'm a nervous freak-he told my husband that once my mind was eased I should be just fine. Now, my struggle is HOLIDAY TREATS. I haven't really gained any, but I'm truly shocked. Those darn cookies will be the death of me. 2006 will be good for me. My band is in place, once I'm away from the posessed cookies that call my name I'll be fine with my choices and "onederland" here I come. Only 14 lbs to go.   1/20/05 I've been hesitant to update. Not because I'm not losing weight or anything. I've just been down in the dumps about banding. There have even been times I wish I had the damn thing out of my body. I am SICK and TIRED of having these episodes where I have pain and pressure that goes on and on. I'm not exaggerating when I say I've had it for a whole day in varying degrees. I don't have a clue what causes it. I keep track of everything I eat and NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING that I eat is consistent enough to figure out what causes this. Because the pain comes about an hour to an hour and a half AFTER I've eaten I can't say whether it's because I've eaten too fast or not chewed well enough. All I can say is that I try to pay attention at each meal, mostly out of fear. I'm averaging one of these "spasms" about once every two weeks. The doctor says it's consistent with esophageal spasms. Well, FIX IT! I'm tired of having them. I'm losing weight, but not necessarily the right way. Basically I'm starving. I'll eat normally for a week or two, then WHAMO! smasm and then it's nothing to eat for a day (or 2) but maybe tea then slowly work back up to solid foods again. 211lbs   1/30/06 Here I am, still suffering to a certain extent. A couple days after that last entry, I got fed up with the poor answer from my band surgeon to "seek counseling". I started considering the possibility that maybe these attacks were not related to my band. I saw a doctor for a second opinion and found out that I have gall stones. All of these months, at least since October, I have been suffering with gall bladder attacks. I am scheduled to have my gall bladder removed on 2/2/06. These last few weeks I have not felt well, I constantly have a sick taste in my mouth. It's kind of what I thought was reflux before. Now, I'm wondering if I had reflux at all and not some weird bile overload or even infection from the gall bladder. Who knows? I sincerely hope this gall bladder surgery solves my problems. If not, I may just have the band removed. I am tired of being sick and I'm tired of being in pain. 207 lbs   2/5/06 Well, where do I begin? I had the gall bladder surgery. They say that part went fine. Somehow during the surgery they dislocated my artificial hip. Yes, they dislocated my hip. My abdomen is sore from the gall bladder surgery. Generally, I feel better than I did before although I really don't have much of an appetite. The problem is my hip. I am not to bear any weight on it. It's been 3 years since I've dislocated it. I was doing so well. I feel really low, as if I've started all over again with my hip. I hobble around with my walker and my a$$ is really sore from sitting all the time. Weight loss is really not a priority right now, but it's amazing that when you feel so bad or are in pain it really doesn't matter.   3/24/06 Well, I'm fully recovered from the gall bladder surgery. I'm still in physical therapy for my hip. They tell me that the muscles are really weak. I'm planning on going back to work on 3/27, so I hope they're strong enough for that. Other than a little bit of pain that comes and goes, I guess I'll have to go on. I've come to the realization that all of the problems I've had since October, probably even the "black Thursday" mentioned in July 2005 was a gall bladder attack. All of those experiences were variations of the same. Any vomiting I had was only mucous and came as a last resort to relieve the pressure associated with the pain. Although I couldn't testify, I believe I have NEVER had a true PB. Is that possible? At almost 1 year out, to never PB? I would have taken a PB or 2 over the torture of those months. OH Well. Now that I can eat, I do. I'm stuck at 211lbs. Yes, I gained a couple since the gall bladder surgery, but I'm not terribly sad about it. Not happy, but not really depressed or anything. I can eat, Happy. I gained, sad. I think it's also because I'm working out with weights to strengthen muscle. Muscle weighs more than fat. It's only 4lbs. I'll eventually get it off. I hope.   4/9/06 I know this is a LONG first entry for a journal, but I wanted to put my entire OH profile on here. I'm told that there's a possibility I may lose it. So...I figured I'd have it on 2 sites. What's the chances of both of them losing it? Anyway, I'm still bouncing between 210 and 211 lbs. I'm thinking that I may be experiencing my first ever real plateau. Even when I've dieted whenever my weight even slowed down I'd give up and return to my prior eating. I've been exercising more, trying to strengthen those weak hip muscles. I have had a bit of Easter candy, but I don't think enough to stall me this long. I'm sure with patience I'll break it, eventually.
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Holding Steady

Well, after the last entry I continued to hold steady. When I went back to solid foods, I jumped back up to 209.5 and there I've stayed until today. I'm back to 208 lbs. I'm starting to wonder if I do have a leak. Once in a while, I do feel my food. That is, I get a little bit of a lump for a moment until it passes through. But it's becoming more rare. I did last night for the first bite or two at dinner, but I think it had been a week since that had happened prior to that. When I first transitioned back to solid foods after this latest fill, it was a daily occurrance. I'm not too worried. I figure a port and/or tubing replacement is nothing compared to the band itself, so onward we go. Besides, just having the band there (for me, anyways) helps me to make better decisions and is keeping me from gaining the weight back.   Deep in my heart, I'd really like to break that 200 lb mark. I'm confidant that I will, someday. I've developed a great patience about this. I'm not in a hurry about anything. I figure, "all in good time". I'm happy, I feel better than I have in years-other than that damn hip that those docs screwed up in my gall bladder surgery. I'm active, I have energy. I feel better in my clothes. I could go on and on. I suppose the only downer is that I've noticed that in my face I'm showing signs of aging. Those fat stores really kept me looking young. As much as I hate it, I don't think the obesity was worth the look of youth.
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Doing better. Found my groove again!

I found it! I found my focus and my groove again. :clap2:   I'm back on track. I'm finally back down to 207. That's 4 lbs lost in a week. It's amazing what a motivator that is. I've been logging my food again. I've been doing well with my protein. My caloric intake has been 1200 or less. Other than today, I've been exercising every morning when I get up. I feel good.   Tuesday, when I was eating lunch I noticed that the first couple bites went down VERY slow. I could feel them going all the way down. I had never experienced this before. It made me realize that I really had restriction and made me wonder if I was at that "sweet spot". I don't know. All I know is that I'm doing much better, feeling much better, eating healthier and life is good. Now, today I don't feel quite as tight as Tuesday but that doesn't make me jump to conclusions that I have a leak. "This band be a fickle Bitch" as I've heard other's say. I still have restriction, trust me. I felt the last couple bites of my dinner.   And on to another day. Thank God for this band!
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So, that explains it!

:faint:I saw Dr. Oweis today. He's Dr. Duckett's partner. I'm so glad I saw him. He thought maybe I could get some more weight off......NO DUH! And when he asked me how much I thought was in my band (because Dr. Duckett did my last fill), he said that was probably not enough. I asked him if I could talk him into doing a fill today.....he said YES! :clap2:   Well, when he accessed the port he couldn't find anything in there...... THAT MEANS I HAVE HAD NO RESTRICTION, NOTHING IN MY BAND FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG! And here all this time, I thought it was just me being hungry and wanting to eat because I felt sorry for myself about this gall bladder and hip crap. He is concerned that I may have a leak, but won't know until he rechecks it in 6 weeks. But I'm so glad I went today and so glad he filled me. We'll see about the possible leak, but right now I'm glad, glad, glad.   Maybe now I can get back on track. I can tell you one thing, on the way home (more than an hour long drive + I did some shopping in Toledo) I got some ice cream because I couldn't find any smooth soups to eat and he wants me to do liquids for 2 days. I only ate about 1/4 cup of the ice cream and was totally full, not uncomfortable but so satisfied that I left more than half of the dish to melt in my car. I won't even be upset about the $3 it cost me. Happy day!
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OMG I lost a pound!

:Banane59: I never thought I'd be so happy to see a 1 lb loss on the scale! It finally moved. I've been stuck since before Easter. In fact, I actually gained some weight in February but I blame that on the gall bladder surgery. That includes being able to eat again as well as all the physical therapy due to the hip dislocation.   I've been doing better with my water this week. I have done a little bit of snacking, but not as much as before. I'll fight this demon one day at a time. I'm just so excited.........my hope has been restored. I'm not a failure.   I see my doctor this coming Friday for my 1st annual check up. I'm kind of hoping that he suggests a little fill. I'm even really hoping (a bit of a stretch) that he'll actually do it that day.
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Still Stuck

I just can't seem to get the scale moving. I've lost a pant size since my gall bladder surgery in February, but despite that I really would like to see the scale move. I am new to this plateau thing. I hope to see some scale progress soon. I've been exercising regularly. I eat O.K. most of the time with a few exceptions when I feel the need for a snack. I think the only real weakness is my water intake. I just can't seem to get the full amount in. I'll keep trying.
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