So I have no idea how this blog thing works on this site...but since Im too chicken to post this on my Myspace Blog...here goes.
Ive always had a love affair with food. Back when I was a kid, I begged and pleaded to go to macdonalds. I couldnt care less about the toys, all I wanted was that wonderful taste of french fries in my mouth....mmmmmm...it makes me salivate just thinking about it. ENOUGH! Get out of my head french fries! and you too chocolate cake! All of you toxic, high carb, high fat, highly tasty foods. You have done me wrong. You have lead me astray. You have shortened my life, and Im not going to take it anymore.
Im treating my potential surgery (Im still going through Kaiser's tedeous approval process) as a break up. I have to get angry at food to stop wanting it so bad. I used to tell myself that food (and more importantly...good food) was my birth right. Eating was what I was born to do...and lots of it. How could it be so wrong, when everyone and everything on the planet has to do it? I convinced myself that my behavior is not problematic, or compulsive...its just "normal". I have justified every drive through purchase, every doughnut, every mocha grande WITH whipped cream...because whats a mocha without whipped cream?
I dont know if Im ready to break things off with food...just quite yet. Its difficult to be an addict of something you will need the rest of your life. Its not like being addicted to heroin. I mean, as hard as it is to stop shooting heroin...its not like you still have to do a little each day to survive...you can quit, you can surround yourself with people who dont do it, you never have to look at it again. Not so with food...and that SUCKS. It requires soooooo much more self control and discipline to "just eat less"...as so many of my friends and family have suggested. It doesnt work that way...and for that I am ANGRY. Why couldnt I just be a heroin addict...no, strike that..I take that back. But you see what Im getting at, right?
So, I am in the process of composing my dear John letter to food. Im leaving you food, for a better life. A life where things besides food can keep me company, and provide solace....a life where food is no longer a source of comfort, but a source of life and engery...and that is IT.
Can I do it? Well, youll have to tune in and see...
