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Beginner Needs Encouragement

Hello I am a lapband investigator (5'10", 325lbs, BMI 46.6). I want it but I am scared. I am hungry all the time and worried that the post op food is not enough. I am also worried about missing out on all my favorites postop and what about going out to eat with family. I don't want to be a drag on them.   I am trying to start a pre pre pre surgery weight loss. My cardiologist said for me to lose 5 lbs, I didn't ask in what time frame. I have had two heart stents (last one Feb 25th) and have a bad back. I cannot walk but for 20 min without pain and most exercise is out of the question. I cannot even sweep the floor without pain.   I do better with pain med on board but was cut off because of an unfortunate incident with an ER doc. All of my regular docs believed the ER docs statements and I can prove that she was incorrect but the docs are unwilling to believe that one of there own is wrong. What really hurts is that neither doc asked my side. I cry everyday because of this. Everyone notices that I am not my usual self, I am just so down about the pain med episode. Whenever anyone asks what's wrong, I just start crying.   I need well wishes. My cardiologist is helping with finding a doc to do my surg. It will be at least three months due to blood thinners before I can have lapband. I am hoping to have everything lined up to go when I can be off the thinners for a while.   I have an appt with back doctor Monday. I don't know what will happen then. I have to be off thinners for more back injections so my cardiolodist wants me to try acupuncture too. I will tell her to throw in some extra needles for weight loss.   I also have mild psoriasis which is flaring due to stress. Dermatologist is also concerned because some lap doctors will not operate because some may think the psoriaisis is a skin infection. Just started going back to PUVA (light) treatments.   I have stopped smoking for 1 month during the middle of all this ruckus so I am trying to take baby steps so that I do not start too much at one time and become overwhelmed. There have been times that I wanted a smoke so bad but I have maintained.   Back to the crying thing. I know that part of this is because I have hurt feelings, I also feel that I am being treated unfairly and I am worried about the future of my pain relief. I am in pain everyday but I am afraid to ask for help so I am stuck in a catch 22. I also wonder if I have some sort of chemical imbalance because lately I do tear up a lot more often with tender moments on TV.   My primary care provider is useless and we have never really clicked. I keep giving him chances but the reality is I should probably find someone else. I am a creature of habit, he is convenient, and I am afraid that I will get something worse. I do like my cardiologist, he is so personable and friendly. I may ask him for some names when I see him on Friday.   I am also having problems with insurance (Aetna). They recently sent me an email stating that I was 8000.00 dollars behind in premium payments. I called someone and they said my premium was 1100.00 a month. Even if that were true, their math still does not add up. Besides I think that they would cancel coverage if a self payor was that far behind. I also recently recieved a letter stating they were not going to pay my hospital bill for the last stent because it was a preexisting condition. Well I swear that I didn't know that I had another blockage until I started having chest pain again.   Well I know that this is a lot to read and comment on but if you are up to the challenge please support me. You all are my only support that I can really talk too. I am also thinking of making a psychiatry appt. I am not a wacko psycho but feel that it couldn't hurt.   Robert

Somoreofit

Somoreofit

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