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the desire to be comforted

November has been very hard for me so far. My father is gravely ill in the hospital and I have not been dealing with it very well. My father has always been the most important man in my life. I have a fiancé but I think my dad is more important then him for the time being. My father and I are very close now. I was not always daddies little girl but for the past six years, him and I have develop such a close relationship. I think that is why I am taking it so hard. I have not been taking care of myself this month. I have not been going to the gym and I find myself slowly turning to food to comfort me in these hard times. I have not gained any weight THANK GOD, but I have not lost any too. I am trying to remind myself of why I got the band done and I don’t want to revert back to my old habit but for now the desire to be comforted seems to outweigh my desire to lose weight. However today my father was a little better and I just pray every night he recovers as soon as possible because the holidays would not be the same without him.
gigiswords

gigiswords

5
 

almost 3 month banded and am doing so well

Got banded the 4th of august, It’s going to be 3 month the fourth of November. I am doing very well, yes I do have my bad days but most days have been great. I have lost a total of 64 pounds. Wow I can’t believe that I have lost a total of 64 pounds, it’s hard to believe. I have learned so much from having the band. I have learned that changing my life for the better is not easy, it’s hard. It’s hard because everyday I am face with the decision, "whether or not I will have a good day today"? This question is always in the back of my mind daily, because it’s hard to make tee right decision about what I put in by body and to be more active. However, I am glad to say that it’s been 4 month since I had any fast food, fatty food, or ice cream. I think my body don’t miss the bad food, I stop missing does things after the second month. However the hard decision comes when I see someone around me having ice cream or a ham burger and "My mind would send a signal to my body saying remember how good this use to be". These are the times where I need to remove myself and think about what eating this kind of food got me. I also try my best to go to the gym 4 to 5 times a week. For me this is the hard part because sometimes it feels so good to sit and relax. These are the days I remind myself of how far I have come and I refuse, refuse to give up now. I am also on my third fill. I got filled a week ago; I have one more in December. The fills are not too bad it hurts but I guess I am getting used to it. Ya I have also learned to take my time eating because it’s so painful when I am eating to fast or not chewing well and food get stuck in the band. I am still not convince that it really get stuck in the band. I sometimes think the food is stuck a couple inches before reaching the band, because when I feel pain its in my chest area. It’s almost like I am chocking but not really because I am breathing okay and you can talk. I most admit today was a bad day for me because I had to have some candy. I had some candy left over that I did not give to the kids. I sat for the first time since I got banded and had 5 pieces of mini size chocolate. I did not enjoy them as much as I used too in the past for some odd reason I founded them too sweet and not enough flavor. I used to love Milky Way and kit kat tried them I did not like them that much. The great thing is today I went shopping for my up coming wedding next summer and I was getting so happy. I think it’s because I am looking forward to being a bride and before I got banded getting married was something that made me sad. I knew I could never look like those pretty skinny brides in the magazines. I also knew that it would be hard for me to find a size 28 wedding dress that did not make me look like a spackling white wall.
gigiswords

gigiswords

7
 

My first month with the band

My first month with the band:thumbup: Today is my first month with my band; I also got the new band call the Realize Band. It’s been good, very little bad and the bad was over in the first week in a half. For now I have lost between 39 to 43 pounds from when I started the band until now. I say that because at one point during the lap band process I gained 4 pounds. For me the sucky part is I was so heavy when I started the lap band that 40 pounds don’t make that much of a difference in my body, but I feel better. I know the weight is coming of because i go to the weight lost center where I had the surgery weekly to weight myself and I keep getting lighter as the weeks go by. I keep crossing my finger hoping that my weight lost will continue. One of the biggest lessons I have learned so far is the fact that eating less and exercising more does not equal weight lost all the time. After my first week of surgery I got the ok to go back to the gym from my doctor, I was burning about 1000 calories everyday for 7 days. However I was eating about 600 or 700 and the weight was not coming of that fast. I was asking myself for that week why I was losing so little. Until after meeting with my personal fitness trainer, I kindda pull a muscle in my leg I had to did not exercise for 3 days. However in a 5 days period I was down 5 pounds and I was also eating more, healthy but more around 800 to 900 a day. During my next appointment my doctor explained to me I should be eating around 800 to 900 for my size and yes too much exercise can cause my body to retain even gain weight. He recommended 5 days per week and eats 800 to 900 calories of meaningful calories as the day goes by. I find myself packing a lunch every time I go out now, because as of now I am thankful I don’t feel hungry that much. I have two more weeks to go before I get a fill. the main reason I pack my lunch is because my days will go great until around a certain time I don’t feel hungry but I feel light head. At the end of the day I am glad I got the band
gigiswords

gigiswords

6
 

1 week banded and doing well

It’s my first week banded, I think am doing well I have lost 10 pounds since last Monday the 4 august my band – anniversary and I am happy about it. Tomorrow will be my first day going to the gym since I got banded. Am not expecting to be back to my to my old self before I got banded but I will go and try to exercise for 30 minutes and see how it goes. I am happy so far, I currently have no big pain. Except the fact that my surgeon out my port right underneath my breast so needless to say wearing a bra for now hurt like hell. To honest it’s sometimes hard even at one week after the band I find myself having cravings. Like today I decided I was going to grill a little BBQ for my fiancé. Everything went very well until I started craving hot dogs and hamburger. It just became clear to me at that time that I would struggle all my like with my food addiction and I have to take it day by day. :biggrin2:
gigiswords

gigiswords

2
 

first good day since i got banded and lost 7 pounds

I got banded on Monday and today was the first good day I have had so far. I woke up very tired as always and felt very weak. Until my mom came home made me some black bean soup and it worked wonders. Wow, by 6pm I went for a walk with my soon to be husband and stayed up all day and watch TV with my whole family. When I was growing up whenever I got sick and felt tired my mom always made me bean soup. It’s nice to see an old Caribbean favorite can still work wonders. For the first time since Monday I feel like my stomach is working. I honestly never new I could burp so loud, its very un-lady like but thank God for the great relief it provided. I am starting to like this band thing I lost 7 pounds since Monday, making it 30 pounds since I started this whole thing. I am so excited about the weeks to come. I finally see light at the end of the tunnel. For a brief moment well, for about 3 days after the surgery I asked myself many times “what the hell did I do to myself”. I am starting to see that I am getting stronger and I can’t wait until 2 weeks from now when I will probably be my old self again. And to all of you embarking on this journey good luck, its not easy but its worth it:thumbup:
gigiswords

gigiswords

2
 

wow this is hard

i got banded on monday, i am just trying hard to get my life back. its not easy for me i am realy having a hard time with this. i woke up everyday and try to eat and get out of bed and walk around the house. I just been to tired to go out and walk but i been trying to walk around the house and do things. i am trying to take it one day at a time and pray that god stay by my side. i keep saying to myself 4 weeks from now this will all be behind me
gigiswords

gigiswords

1
 

surgery on august 4th

I have my surgery on august 4th. I am very happy and nervous; I just hope everything goes well. I am happy and scared at the same time. My fiancé is very supportive he keeps telling I will be fine. I guess I should be thankful that I have someone in my life that I could truly be honest with about how I am feeling. I just pray everyday that my surgery goes well. I am happy that I finally found a protein shake I like and the fact that i am making positive changes in my life.
gigiswords

gigiswords

3
 

why are people so stupid?

I gave my noticed to my work early today because i am going to have surgery on the 4th of august. I just got home and i am feeling so down because of the reaction of everyone in my work place. The word of me having the lap band surgery travelled like wild fire. I went to a company meeting this afternoon i had this coworker tell "its important to love yourself the way god made you and you only 23 you young i am sure if you keep trying you will not need to go that far". I asked myself for the first time in a long time why are people so stupid? why do skinny women and the rest of society thinks fat people are just lazy people that sit and eat all day and dont love who they are. I know i should not let what my coworker think upset me, but it does. It upsets me because i know am doing this because i love myself and i want a better life for myself
gigiswords

gigiswords

6
 

I woke up with a new attitude

I woke up with a new attitude all thanks to my fiancé. He is a nurse practitioner in school trying to become a doctor, I told him how I was feeling and that I was a little worried and anxious. He looked at me with this big smile in his face and said, “baby I am so surprised that you are letting this get to you like this, you are not even 24 yet and you have dealt with more then most people have in a lifetime, you are a fighter, I know you going to be fine I am not just saying that because I am a medical professional I am saying that because I know you” We sat and talk for a long while and I realized that he is right. I have to be thankful for the new beginning God has given meand the possibility for me to change my life for the better. I lived my life believing that. . “Apprehension is a barrier that makes a person accepted what is given and what is common to them. Accomplishment is the thought and the conviction that with hard work and self disciple, the possibilities are endless.” I think i need to apply this belief not just to my work and school, also to losing weight.
gigiswords

gigiswords

1
 

i am a little scared of having the lap band done

i have my surgery next week and i worry a lot ,i dont know why. i am happy that i got appoved for the surgery and that it will help me lose the weight. i hate to say it am a little scared of having surgery. i guess i just have to keep hoping praying that everything goes well.   if i can get some advice from people about how they prepared themselves for surgery that may help me a lot.:frown:
gigiswords

gigiswords

1
 

i have a date for my lap band and trying to make changes in my life

I finally have a date for my lap band its august 4th, I am very nervous, I been wanting the lap band for so long now that I have a date for the surgery I am a little nervous about it. Just last week I also set a date for my wedding that will take place in September of 2009. Right so many great things are taking place all at once in my life and so many changes as well. But the lap band is the biggest of it all because all my life I have been big; all I know is how to be the big girl. I spent so many years making excuses for my self about my size and now I have no more excuses. I just hope that the lap band will work for my, I am so scared of it not working. I don’t want to put myself to all this not to get result. I have heard the nightmare stories of patients in my support group who lose the weight but gain it back. I always said to myself that it will not happened to me, but in my mind I don’t know how truthful I am being to myself. I been a food addict all most of my life, food was my way to deal with stress, even do I don’t sit in my room and eat and eat. However, I did make the decision to eat all the wrong things on a regular basis because I did not want to deny my self of the comforts that food provided to me. With the lap band I am gaining something great, I am gaining a tool so that I can finally change my life to be the person I know I can be. In the far corner of my mind, I know that I am losing a friend, food was my friend. I have 3 weeks to deal with that lost, and figure out how am going to bring positive things in my life that don’t involve food , going out to eat with friends, or cooking elaborate meals with my fiancé. I have to find way to deal with the lost of comfort and happiness that I found from food and try to find that in order places in my life. I made the decision yesterday to take 6 month after the lap band to focus on me and my needs and try to get use to leaving my life without all the negativity that food brought into my life. I am not going back to school next semester an taking a break from my masters. I have worked two full time jobs since I was 18 and I decide that when September arrives I am only going to work my teaching job and leave my job as a manager. I think having time for myself will help me deal with the new changes in my life.
gigiswords

gigiswords

2
 

finally got a date for my lap band, but cant

I had a doctors appointment today, finally got a date for my lap band in the end of may, but unfortunately can’t do it because I can’t take time off from my masters program. Also I work two jobs. As a teacher it’s to late into the year for me to request a medical leave of absent, lets face it school will be over soon and I don’t want to leave my high school students in the hands of a sub. I am a little sad about it, I was hopping to get a late June date but my doctor told me he don’t have any for now. I am hopping that he will come up with something in June. I am a little sad but I will get over it. I will try to keep myself very busy, so i dont think about:redface:
gigiswords

gigiswords

2
 

need to be band , before my wedding

Last night I had this long conversation with my bf/ fiancée about setting up a date for the wedding. Well the reason that I call him my bf/ fiancée is because I never wear the ring that he got me when we got engage 2 months ago because I have very fat, fat, fat fingers. In fact I have not worn a ring since I was about 10, because none will fit my fingers. Whenever I tell people I am engage they want to see the ring but I don’t wear the ring because I don’t want to get it resized yet. So to avoid the drama most time I just call him my BF. Anyway, yes last night he asked me to set a date for the wedding, a something he been wanting to talk about for 2 months. Unfortunately last night while in his condo watching a movie “Things we lost in the fire with Halley Berry”. He look at me and said “when and do you.” I replied when and do what, he looked at me and said the wedding its time, lets set a date today. I looked at him and said “not now baby lets watch the movie”, he replied “no its time if you love me you will set a date, because everyone in my family wants to know when” The truth is I never wanted to set a date for the wedding because I am big-fat-overweight. I don’t want to put myself in the nightmare of shopping for a wedding dress. To tell you the truth the only things I like to shop for are shoes and bags, and trust me I have way to many. Anyway the dress is one thing and being a fat bride is another, since the day he ask me to marry him I been thinking to myself “Ho No, Ho No, Ho No:eek:”. I am the big girl that had tried for so long not to be the center of attention will have to be after all its my wedding. Another factor is my future mother in law and most of his families have never met me, because they are mostly in Europe and South Arica. They know I am big, but not how big. I always dream of having a picture perfect wedding, one where my husband to be can lift me up to take a picture, but the reality is he will most likely break his back in 5 places if he try to lift me. Anyway, setting up a date for my wedding is a nightmare, because I don’t want to be the fat bride. I guess I am too afraid to tell him that because his thing is, “I know you are big and it doesn’t matter at all, and you should not care what people say.” At the end of the day I told him I will try to come up with a date. I just want to get the lap band before I set a date for the wedding.
gigiswords

gigiswords

6
 

Hello to all, beautiful day in Massachusetts. yet sad for me

Well yesterday was a beautiful day in Massachusetts. It has not been sunny and that nice for a long time. Would not you know it my Boyfriend/ fiancé begged me to go to the beach with him and his friends that were a couple. I reminded him that I was a big girl and big girl don’t go to beaches even if it’s just to relax. He begged me some more and told me he just want to spend some time with me doing things that all couples do. I felt bad let me tell you horrible, because he has been such a wonderful man. He has been to every support group and appointment for the lap band and I truly believe that at 23 I have found my soul mate. Anyway, I try to wiggle my way into my last year capree pants that was now tight on me, did my hair put on this cute shirt and a pair of really nice sandals. Hey I was looking cute, and my Bf confirmed it. Until we got the beach and my bf friends and girl friend arrived, she was the size of a broom. She looked at me from head to toe as if she was mortified of how big I was. I stayed close to my Bf the whole time but I was in a sea of skinny people, I look around not one big girl on that beach. To make matters worst my boyfriend friends started to remove their shirts and the girl removed her jeans too, to catch a Tan as they put it. I taught in my head “who are we kidding black people don’t Tan”. However, I just looked at them and said “it’s a nice day isn’t it”. The minute I say that it must have been an invitation for a conversation, she looked at me and said “you did not bring a swimsuit, today is a great day to catch a tan get some sun.” I look at her and politely said “no, I just want to relax today did not bring a suit”. My boyfriend, I , and the two friends stayed on the beach for about 4 hours and the whole time I am thinking I can’t wait to get my lap band. I honestly love the beach I love nature, but most times I don’t get enjoy those things because of my size. I am hopping after the lap band I will be more willing to but myself more in social situation.
gigiswords

gigiswords

2
 

wanna band

My name is Gigi am 23 and going to have the lap band done. I have been over weight for most of my life. I realize at the age of 22 I need to change my life. For most of my life I wanted to be the over weight women with the high self esteem. It was a role I played well but the truth is I know that I was fat, and I know that I need to change my life. I am right now meeting with my doctor. I am hoping to have it done by June. I am scared of getting it done, of having surgery and how my life is going change after I have it done. However, I also think about how different my life would be after I get it done. It would be a fresh start, a chance for me to accomplish all the dreams that my weight have hindered. I am getting the lap band done despite the lack of support from my mother, father and Boyfriend of 3 years. I think the older I get the more I realize it’s about me, my needs , my wants, and my desire to evolve. I think everyone who have or contemplating of having the lap band done understand being over weight is horrible. It’s horrible because when you enter a room full of people, in the back of your mind you know the “elephant in the room” is you.
gigiswords

gigiswords

3
 

I finally see light,

I am meeting with my doctor next week. I am hoping he tells me about my surgery date. I have done most of the requirements but not all; I still have 2 more support groups and a visited with the nutritionist. Things seem to be moving so fast right now it’s a little scary for me but I am hoping to have my band done by the end of summer. The rest of my appointments are all schedule for may. I am so happy am now shopping for a shake that I like. I am also trying to plan menus for me to go by on a daily basis. I am hoping to create a two weeks menu that I can alternate. I am honestly scared that I will fail at this. I want to the lap band so bad, I want it to change my life, and I hope I have it in me. I hope I have the energy to fight for this.:w00t:
gigiswords

gigiswords

1
 

so ready and happy

I want my band in so badly. I have about 3 appt this month and I can’t wait for them. I can’t remember the last time I was this excited about anything. I guess I just want to turn the page on the over weight me and start a new chapter in my life. It’s so funny when I first started this I was nervous about it but now I am happy. I finally got the support I needed from my whole family and my boyfriend. I was worried about not having enough support when I get the lap band done, because my family was not supportive especially my parents because I guess even though I am 23 they still se me as their baby girl. Ya:tongue: I am happy. I am so lucky because my boyfriend is a nurse practitioner and my mom is and RN so I know I will get good care and support after because both will take time off to be with me.
gigiswords

gigiswords

1
 

the scale may be my enemy, but it?s a candid and forthright enemy.

:Dancing_peevedoff:Today I woke up feeling frustrated, 325 pounds the scale read. Wow 325 pounds, more than twice the size of a healthy person. “I don’t feel like am 325”, the scale may be my enemy, but it’s a candid and forthright enemy. It is that honesty that makes me realize, I want a band, I am going to band, and I am also going to try to make my long time enemy the scale my ally.
gigiswords

gigiswords

1
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