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Blog 33044

A blog by Dia

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Surgery a No Go

I got there at 6 am and went back pretty quickly. The nurse was doing routine stuff like asking my medical history, when was my last period, when did I eat/drink last, etc. Took my bp and temp. I had a temp of 100.4 and an elevated heart rate. She asked was I in any pain and I told her that my throat was very, very sore. I also have pink eye. I disclosed this last night when someone from the hospital called and went over some questions. She didn't say anything so I thought it must not be a big deal, even though pink eye is highly contagious. The surgeon was called and he said that he couldn't operate with all of that going on, I'm supposed to see him April 1 and he will reschedule my surgery then. That means I have to start this f***ing liquid diet and bowel prep all over again.   I am so weak from the liquids and bowel prep and now I feel like my sore throat may mean I'm getting sinusistis, for about the 6th time since Thanksgiving. Right now, I feel so bad that I'm tempted to just say screw it, I have zero desire to live 2 weeks again in misery. I'd rather be fat at this point. I wish he would just tell me that as long as I don't gain back the 16 lbs I lost on the pre-op diet, then I won't have to go through that again. But I know that won't happen. Hopefully, this soured feeling I have will subside when I start feeling better.   Not a good day at all. I'm very depressed.
Dia

Dia

2
 

One week!!

A week from now, at this moment, I should be several hours out of surgery, maybe out of recovery and in my room. Can't wrap my mind around that!   Last night, I had major cold feet and had serious thoughts about cancelling/postponing my surgery. For some reason, the thought of being in pain (mild-severe, I don't know), gassy, sore, just feeling terrible and possibly going through "what have I done to myself" just was overwhelming. Also, the thought of how to handle food seemed as if it would be too much of a burden, like PB'ing and such. Can I still eat a petite filet and a salad at Ruth's Chris? What about shrimp? Maybe I won't be able to eat those things for a little while, but once I learn to really chew and TAKE MY TIME eating, from what I've read, I most likely will be able to still eat what I've always eaten, only in MUCH smaller amounts.   I worked through those feelings by remembering how every diet I've done the past couple of years have yielded little to zero results. And my baby will be big enough to take to Disney World in a few years(even though I detest DW, I at least don't want to be physically miserable). Do I really want to spend another vacation, any vacation, wasting time and money to get there, only to be holed up in the hotel because I'm too tired to go out and do anything? I'm sick of just being uninterested in doing things in general. I'm very sick of wearing the same 4-5 outfits every season. Mostly track suits at that!   The last thing that entered my mind is that if I back out now, I know myself well enough to know that in a couple of months, I'll think I'm ready to try again. By then, I'll have probably regained my 10lbs that I've lost on this pre-op diet (and probably more) and I'd just have to start pre-op diet all over again. I'm half-way finished. Of course, I'll have a few days/week after surgery of liquids post-op, but I'll be on the downhill stretch then. In my mind, I can survive it knowing it's a necessity (medically speaking) rather than it being a chore, as it has been pre-op.   So, I'm glad I worked through all that and hopefully that will be the last time I have any doubts. I really hope I don't have any regrets during those first few days post-op. Knowing me, I will, so I will just have to remind myself how far I've come and that NO ONE has surgery without some pain and discomfort.
Dia

Dia

1
 

New surgery date

My surgery is re-scheduled for April 7th. I start the liquid diet AGAIN this coming Monday, 3/24, as long as I'm not still sick and have no fever. I still have to see the surgeon on 4/1.   I don't know what all is going on with me, but my throat feels like it has a grapefruit in it and is very, very sore. Sinus drainage? I have a headache and feel like I've been beaten. So even though yesterday I was severly upset, I guess I should be glad that the dr. refused to operate. I can't imagine feeling this way on top of being sore from surgery.   I just hope and pray that I don't get sick all over again. :thumbup: I need to eat to help get over this mess, but I need to watch it or I'll be going through carb withdrawal all over again.
Dia

Dia

1
 

My weight loss journey

I wish I had known about this blog feature before now, I'd love to have started blogging my journey at the beginning of my liquid diet. But I'm only 3 days into it, so this will have to do.   Wednesday, March 5th 2008 was my consultation with my surgeon and my surgery was scheduled for Friday, March 21st. My weight on that day was 208 (down 2 lbs due to stomach virus the previous weekend). On Thursday, 3/6 I was informed that I couldn't have my surgery on 3/21 due to it being Good Friday and would I like to have it on Wed. 3/19. So I jumped on it, even though it would mean that I would have to start my liquid diet immediately, without getting my "last meal" in like I'd planned.   I've lost 7 lbs in three days and I've even "cheated" a little. LOL @ "cheating"...that means I've had about 300 calories of food (eggs, soup, cheese) per day, in addition to the liquids. I've got to stop that, like now. But I think it's helped me and now I can probably do strictly liquids, that I've gotten over the constant cravings of any and every thing. IF, for some reason, I couldn't have my surgery in a week in a half, if it had to be post-poned until like June or something, and I could go eat whatever I wanted now, honestly I don't know what I'd want. So that's good, for me anyway.   Also, late at night when I can't sleep is the worst time for me wanting to snack. Last night was so bad I came thisclose to saying "screw it" altogether, that I would just learn to be a happy fat person. Or just put off my surgery until I got my mind "right" about it (as if that would ever happen). Then it dawned on me that I'd NEVER want to do an all liquid diet and did I really want to have to start this over? NO WAY, so just tough it out.   I've been cleaning my house from top to bottom. That has been a saving grace for me, because it has kept me busy and my mind off food. Also, when I'm recouperating, I won't have to worry about my house being clean, other than keeping it straightened up and picking up after myself. My mom will be here to help too, but I don't want her to have to clean up my house, just help me keep up with things and not let it get messy.   I don't know what to do with myself from now until surgery. If the weather is pretty, I may take my son to the park. Or I'll just run a lot of errands.   So, to recap on the weight.   3/5/08 = 208 lbs (two weeks pre-op) 3/9/08 = 201 lbs (3 days on liquid pre-op)
Dia

Dia

7
 

Liquid diet - day 5

This morning, my weight was 198, so I'm down an even 10 lbs from my pre-op diet. This is day 5. By my surgery date, I'm guessing I'll be around the 20 lb mark, give or take.   It hasn't been easy, but I'm surviving. I really like seeing the numbers dropping, but this is not how I'd choose to do it.   Yesterday, I went to the mall and bought myself a few soft pajama pants for when I'm recovering. I was kind of in a pissy mood though, being in the mall made me hungry. I never noticed the smells from the food court before. Passing by the pretzel stand, the cookie stand, smelling the Chinese food from the food court...I nearly caved. But I didn't. I kept thinking about the cute outfits in Ann Taylor Loft that I would soon be able to wear. And the Lilly Pulitzer clothes I used to love and couldn't wait for new patterns every year. If I give in like a hog and stuff my face, I'll never get to wear any of those things.   I used to love going to the malls and places like Steinmart and boutiques and just buy whatever I damn well wanted to wear. It's been years and years since I've been able to go into a store and buy what I wanted instead of something to just cover my body. Shopping for clothes became a chore instead of something fun. Really, I'm more looking forward to being able to wear my cute clothes from years ago, assuming they aren't dry rotted.   I need to go through my closet and put my fat clothes somewhere. Not all of them, I know I won't be losing weight as fast after the band as I am pre-op. But cleaning out my closet is therapeutic and also constructive. It also keeps me busy and my mind off wanting to eat.
Dia

Dia

1
 

Last day!

Tomorrow is my surgery!!! I weighed this a.m. and am down 14 lbs from this pre-op diet. My bowel prep is today and I already drank that nasty stuff.   Getting a little nervous, but nothing like cold feet. Anxious for this to be over with.
Dia

Dia

2
 

Getting very annoyed

Ok, it's beyond ridiculous at how hungry I am. Would some lean protein really hurt anything? Lord knows I'm tempted, but I could really use some food. I'm not talking about a pizza or a po-boy or McDonald's. I can't function much, I'm getting really scatterbrained. Very forgetful and have hardly any energy. Thank goodness this is almost over. 5 days til my surgery.   This time next week, I'll be 2 whole days post-op. I really, really hope I don't have the depression and "buyers remorse" that
Dia

Dia

2
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