Today has not been the best of days today.
A few days ago, I remember asking if it was normal to not have an appetite during the first few post surgery. For once in my life, I had to remind myself that I needed to eat or drink something.
Then today...
:: shakes her head in disbeleif ::
I woke up absofrikin lutely starving. No matter how much liquids I consumed, i was still hungry. I mean hungry to the point that my stomach was growling.
First I was mad at myself for putting myself...one who had had such hard times staying on diet...on such a controlled diet. Clear Liquids?!! For a week?! What the hell was I thinking!! So I was pissed.
Then as I got hungrier and hungrier I just got sadder and sadder. I actually had to make myself not cry. The hunger was pretty much taunting me... making sure that I remembered that I was fat. Only fat people are constantly hungry because nothing really satisfies them. i wanted to call into Dr. B's office and tell them how hungry i actually was ask could I PLEASE start the full liquid diet a few days early. Oatmeal. Grits. Something other than what i have been eating. But I was too embarrassed to call there whining that i was hungry.
I am still hungry. Each time my stomach gurgles I have the urge to cry. I wont eat anything because I am terrifeid to throw up. I am not asking for a huge meal..not even solid food. Hell, I'd jsu tbe happy eating soem crackers just so something could sit on my stomach.
I am still hungry and Ihate that feeling. i have not cheated at all. I will ahve to stay on this stupid liquid diet thing until my first post-op visit with Dr. B.
I hate this shit. I hate being sad and pissed off that I can't eat. i hate shoveling stuff in my mouth and still feeling hungry...I don't care if that stuff is just liquid.
I am goign to try to go to sleep. The longer I stay awake the more I realize how hungry i am.
I feel like a failure already. I it has not been a weak post of and I am already whining.
I hope tomorrow will be better. iam trying to tell myself that I will be out of Phase 1 Hell very soon.
