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Utter sadness and pure joy

I had my surgery Monday Feb. 11, 2008. This whole week I feel I have been in mourning, just truly sad. I feel like I have given up my best friend... food. Food has been there happy, sad, bored, excited. It didn't matter what emotion I had, food was there. It sounds bizarre I think, that I'm really upset about missing food, but I am. This week has been hard... so hard.   This morning I woke up at found I lost 21 pounds since starting my pre op diet. A HUGE SMILE went across my face. Everyday is a struggle, but that few moments of looking at the scale made it all worth it. I am actually excited, for the first time ever, for exercise and being active! I can't wait to do things with my husband, travel, play, explore!   This is all! Onward to freedom! Freedom of food!
MrsFlipFlops

MrsFlipFlops

2
 

Caregivers unite!

This is part of a thread I posted too.   Ug. I first should preface this by saying I LOVE my mom. But I'm so annoyed every once in awhile.   My mom has an unknown neurological condition that has affected her ability to walk, her moods, and various other things. I am one of her primary caretakers, so I spend a lot of time taking her places, cooking for her and my dad, cleaning their house and what not.   We went to the grocery store today. We go to the same store every Tuesday, so we see the same people. They're all very kind and helpful to my mom in her wheelchair. I find most people are annoyed that she is in a wheelchair and they cut her off or brush by her, or stand in front of her in the aisle when she's trying to look at something in the store, so I'm particularly grateful for these kind people. We were checking out and my mom was watching the prices. My mom started yelling at our checkout lady saying "How can you charge these kinds of prices? Don't you feel ashamed to work here and steal money from people?!" And on and on. I got on my mom and said, "Mom, she doesn't control the prices... if you have a concern about the prices, let's go home and write a letter to send to the company." The poor girl said, "I know they're high, I guess because gas prices have gone up so have groceries too." My mom said "That's just the lies they tell you... blah blah blah"   I'm just annoyed that a perfectly pleasant trip to the store turned into a bad situation. I told mom once we got out of the store that all she did was make that lady's day worse. My mom is not a mean person, but her neurological condition makes her mood change from pleasant to angry in moments. I work a full time job and have a disastrous 4 day schedule so I can spend my 5th business day with my mom, along with weekends and evenings. I hate my job, but I stay because they allow me that flexibility to take care of my mom... but when I have days like this, it makes me want to scream! I guess I'm just frustrated because I take care of mom, work full time, and have a household and a husband to take care of.   I feel guilty for being upset with her. I feel bad that I'm feeling like I make a huge sacrifice for her and she doesn't even care. I know she's my mom and has made tons of sacrifices for me too, but my mom has been sick all my life and it makes me feel like I never really had a mom!   I just feel so alone, and it's not fair that I never had a mom! It's not fair that while my friends and their moms are having girls days out and talking like best friends, or relating on a mom/daughter level, I'm being a caregiver for my mom. I'm too young for this, MY MOM is too young for this!   It just makes me want to crawl into bed and cry.:thumbup:
MrsFlipFlops

MrsFlipFlops

3
 

Living large in a small world

All my life I've felt the need to stand up for the underdog. The underdog comes in many forms... but I've always felt the need to stand up for those who don't or can't stand up for themselves. I will never falter from that stance.   Of course I want to be liked, but not at the default of doing what's right.
MrsFlipFlops

MrsFlipFlops

1
 

Beck Diet Solution- Day One

So, I've started reading this book called the Beck Diet Solution. It gives you daily activities to accomplish and at the end of six weeks, promises it will change your way of thinking to the thinking of a thin person. Well, clearly what I was doing wasn't working, so there's nothing to lose by trying this.   Day One- Today’s assignment is to list out, on a 3″x5″ card (I've chosen to do it online, since I always have access to this blog), all of the advantages of losing weight. And then state if it's very important, important, somewhat important. This will be a tool for those times when it just doesn’t seem worth it and it’s so hard to stick with the diet. Having firm reasons in mind helps battle temptations and makes it possible to say, “Losing weight is much more important to me than the temporary pleasure of eating this food.”   Feeling healthy- not constantly worrying that my health is going to fail soon and that I won't live a long life- very important
Looking more attractive to my husband- very important
Being able to travel, ride roller coasters, play games without having an initial thought of "Will I fit?"- very important
Walking easier to the car and to work- important
Feeling in control- somewhat important
Not have my life revolve around food- important
Be capable of having a healthy pregnancy- VERY IMPORTANT
Get pregnant- very important
Since starting this lap band journey, I have continued to have a roller coaster of emotions when it comes to food and my health. One moment I'm feeling on top of the world and the next I'm feeling like I have failed at something yet again. I am really excited to have CONTROL so that I can maintain a more level attitude about food.   My life is so busy, so full of things and people and thoughts. I feel like I might not be able to handle everything I have going on. Hopefully by gaining perspective into my mental attitude, I can gain more control over my emotions which frequently alter my eating habits.
MrsFlipFlops

MrsFlipFlops

2
 

Redoing my goals

So I figured I needed to re dedicate myself to my original goals as I find myself slowing sliding away from them and also finding myself not losing how I would like. So... my goals:   drink 8 cups of water/day religiously log my calories on myfitnesspal.com stay within my calorie content allowable (no more than 1500 to 1700!) stop snacking, and if hungry between meals, snack on healthy items
MrsFlipFlops

MrsFlipFlops

1
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