reposted from my blog http://peeshs-lapband.livejournal.com/
This time has been hard for me, the time between month one and month 2. Nothing has happened, well nothing in my head as well as on the scale. Actually, as my surgeon so kindly pointed out at my fill last Friday, I have gained a few pounds..... Listen here you SOB you have been on vacation for the last 3 weeks and that is why I had to wait almost 9 weeks for my first fill. Not that I am bitter or anything can you tell.
I am frustrated. I am scared. I feel weird and different. I feel blind. I feel like I am missing something. I feel sore again.
I haven't posted cause I haven't had anything of merit to share. There are no revelations that I have found inspiring. There have been no words that I could spin into amusing tales of my trials....(well not true read my non band related myspace blog). Seriously, I can't even bring myself to re take my measurements cause I can't bear to have then stay exactly them same just as my weight has.
I mean seriously I hear the stories that others tell about us all being there and plateaus and regressions, but I scream that I AM DIFFERENT. I am so afraid that this will not work for me.
I guess the scary scary part is that it won't work, it is the PCOS and my metabolism disorder.....it is mocking me for trying.... What if it is not the portion sizes, what if my body just wants me to stay this size.....
Ok I digress, I hear my panic, but those of you who are not beyond me can't understand, and those beyond me will hopefully smile understand and send hugs and thoughts of patients.
I mean I am playing ball again, I am doing yoga, and am exercising again. I feel better, physically. So why the problem? I am not sure.
We are all here for one reason or another. "Give it time" I find myself sharing with the newbies on LBT. You didn't pick this surgery to loose as fast as the RNY patients. Don't compare, the scale doesn't matter, it is the bigger things like what you can do, and the meds that you are off. I know what to say to everyone else.
I think that is why I have been hiding, I didn't want to hear the platitudes. I wanted it to magically correct itself. I wanted to wake up one day and have everything be alright. Well here I am one month into hiding and where am I? right here in this same stagnant place, wondering what the hell is going on.
Well screw this, hiding doesn't help. I am back. I am posting. There is much I have to catch up on. I have to tell you of my first fill, and do my measurements. No more hiding. I made a commitment to myself and others to do this blog. It is my therapy, it is my perspective. I thanks the dear friend who played my muse today and made me want to jump back on the blogging wagon.
