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About this blog

my journey to gorgeous 160lbs again!

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my love

we've hit a rocky spot... to day @ mtg I silently said"this is your love for me?" I know he felt it. I guess he hates when I do that.he was subdued @ mtg...not himself til I silently said "I love you my darling"...then he spoke about Mugsy in Brooklyn w all the small dogs "How did Mugsy react to the small dogs" I said That hit home ...his whole face lit up...he knew & I knew why I was asking that. then he smiled @ me when he said "I redid my bathroom...I went all out" & smiled adorably @ me meaningfully as if to say "I did it for you for when you are w me" Silently I heard "You are my whole life. My life would be over if I did'nt have you." Later I realized he called me "Mrs A"
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MY GOALS! 4/5 226LBS

4/4 : weight: lbs lost: goal 225 4/11: weight: lbs lost: goal 222.5 4/18: weight: lbs lost: goal 220 4/25: weight: lbs lost: goal 217.5
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My Darling Love is the gift you give yourself

12/6/07Went to Pru affair... Bart came up to where I was sitting & hugged & kissed me.... he still can't get over how Chris & I split up after all these years. I miss him....Yesterday I woke up from a dream where he was holding my head in his arms with his cheek on top of my head...there is not a day that goes by that I do not sense him wanting to kiss me. 11/27 I still miss him... there isn't a day that goes by that I do not think of him. Last night I dreamt of him & I called him "my darling" & he smiled happily, told me he drove the Bonneville to work, because he had to meet me,I smiled & mentioned the Bayport office & he rolled his eyes & shook his head. then i told him about the sign...I was v tired after the Stratus class...went to sleep & woke up @ 1.30am. somehow it came to me that Arindel & Vizzi broke up too before they got married...another needy guy!strange but true thought. I want to desperately hear his voice but I will not call him...let him think this one thru.....I saw his pic in the libor mag w Mohsin Zandehieh he looked very angry   A few weeks ago I dreamt of him & when I saw him I ran up to him held his face in my hands & kissed his mouth. Somehow I know we will end up together...I'm sure he's missing me just as much as I'm missing him. We are souulmates...we were and are meant for eachother!
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My Darling Love is the gift you give yourself

Love is the gift you give yourself Him: You look really good. How do you feel? Me: Like I got a new lease on life. He nodded like he agreed Then he said "If you hadn't done what you did you would have had a stroke by now"
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MESSAGE BOARDS

BTW = By the way CUL8R = See you later CYA ( cya ) = See Ya CYA = Cover Your Arse (In addition to "See Ya Later") DB = Darling Brother, Dear Brother or whatever “D” word depending on mood DD = Darling Daughter, Dear Daugher or whatever “D” word depending on mood DH = Darling Husband, Dear Husband or whatever “D” word depending on mood DS = Darling Son, Dear Son or Darling Sister, Dear Sister or whatever “D” word depending on mood DS = Duodenal Switch DW = Darling Wife, Dear Wife or whatever “D” word depending on mood FAQ = Frequently asked questions. FWIW = For What It's Worth FYI = For your information. HTH = Hope this helps. or Hope that helps. IMHO ( imho ) = In My Honest Opinion, In My Humble Opinion IMO ( imo ) = In My Opinion IT = Information Technology. KISS = Keep It Simple Stupid. LAP = Laparoscopic Procedure L8TR ( l8tr ) = Later ( Like see ya later ) LMAO = Laughing My A$$ Off LOL ( lol ) = Laugh Out Loud MB = Message Board. NEWBEE ( newbee, newbie ) = New user of Internet and or computer. NICK ( nick ) = Name used by people ( Individual ) on the Internet. NSV = non scale victory (a change other than the scale…something suddenly fits, others notice your weight loss, etc.) OMG = Oh My God, Oh My Gosh OP = Original Poster OT = Off Topic, used on message boards when the post is not on the threads subject.. PB = Productive Burp (quick vomit without the stomach acid since it is just the food in your pouch) PIC ( pic ) = Picture PPL ( ppl ) = People PS = Plastic Surgery RTFP = read the fine print RNY = Roux En Y (Gastric Bypass Surgery) ROFL ( rofl ) = Rolling On Floor Laughing ROFLMAO = Rolling on floor laughing my a** off SLIME- an overproduction of saliva that occurs in an attempt to force an obstructed piece of food down SNAFU = situation normal, all fouled up SV = scale victory (when the numbers on the scale actually show a change) SWEET SPOT= when you're losing 1-2 lbs/week on average over time and your sensible meals are making you full, so you don’t get physically hungry again for a good 3 to 4 hours TT = Tummy Tuck TTFN = Ta Ta For Now TTYL = Talk to you later TYFS = Thank you for sharing URL ( url ) = Uniform Resource Locater, Internet address of a web page ( http://sitename ) YMMV = Your Mileage May Vary WTF ( wtf ) = What the Freak or your other favorite explicative WLS = Weight Loss Surgery ZZZZZZ ( zzzzz ) = Sleeping or Bored
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LOVE IS NOT LEISURE, IT IS WORK

GET A LIFE IN WHICH YOU ARE NOT ALONE FIND PEOPLE YOU LOVE AND WHO LOVE YOU AND REMEMBER LOVE IS NOT LEISURE, IT IS WORK ANNA QUINDLEN   WHEN YOU CONTROL YOUR BEHAVIOR, YOU CONTROL THE CONSEQUENCES.   DAILY DIET DAILY WALK DAILY RECRUIT
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LMA Live more abundantly!

My prayer today is that I not only have life, but have it more abundantly; that I be released from the physical and emotional shackles of obesity and discover a life greater than I ever thought imagineable My prayer today is that we all not only have life, but have it more abundantly; that we all be released from the physical and emotional shackles of obesity and discover a life greater than we ever thought imagineable
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Let's GO Nina!

My goal 220lbs by Mar 1 06 thats 25 lbs down. 200lbs by April 1 06 180lbs by May 1 06...20lbs to goal!   1/18/06 :mad: Had my 1st fill yeste rday of 1cc, w Dan Sherwinter, said my band can only hold 4cc. My port was slightly tilted. had Matzo ball soup for lunch,(only liquids for 24 hrs) turkey pot pie soup 220 cals, 2 of the 40 cal pops &1/2 of a frenchonion soup100cals.They all @ Geiss's said I wasn't losing because I don't have any restriction - on his scale I was 251lbs. Kathy @ Geiss's office said she couldn't believe how thin my face got. :clap2:1/19/06 Today I weigh 245, kept going 247-248 for 2 weeks. Aideen's jeans in size 18 fit me just great.Yesterday I wore her black size 20 pants. So now I've gone from size 22 to 18! in just 1 month. I also got my treadmill assembled to-day. When I go home I'll walk on it for 1/2 hr. Dr Dan said if I do 1/2 hr in am & 1/2 hr in pm & 800 calorie diet I will definitely shed 100 lbs by Dec 14 06! This afternoon I had Chinese..soup,(v little), 2 sushi rolls, 1 stuffed shell, & the fish only from the fried fish.By the end the elephant was sitting on my chest! So this is what restriction feels like. To-night I'll make chicken salad out of the roast chicken & 1/2 a french onion soup (barkley gets the cheese) and my popsicles. I'm still drinking the tea from this a.m ...I feel full fast. Didn't eat any of that 4 dinner...I had a scrambled egg & 2 tofu sausage links & a pop.
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Kahlil Gibran:

Kahlil Gibran:   "You were born to be together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the wings of death scatter your days.   Aye, you shall be together even in your silent memory. But let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heaven dancebetween you."   "Love one another, but make not a bondage of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup, but drink now from one cup. Give one another of your bread, but eat not of the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone, even as the strings of a lute are alone, though they quiver with the same music."     "Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping, for only the hand of life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together, for the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in shadow."
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JESSIE AHRONI

No liquid calories (except up to 2 servings non fat milk) No soft foods (after the healing phase) XX grams of protein (based on your ideal body weight) (I aim for 60) Eat the protein first, then the vegetables Avoid high glycemic index foods (bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, etc) 20-25 grams of fiber (fruits, vegetable, beans, whole grains) No carbonated beverages 6-8 glasses of fluid daily Do not drink with your meals or 1 hour after eating No carbonated beverages Slow down, chew your food, take tiny bites, cut things up Build up to exercising 30 minutes or more almost every day Eat real food Eat a balanced diet from a wide variety of foods 2 fruits, 3 veg, 6 oz protein, 2 NF milk, 5 grains Have fun You only need to eat every 4 hours No negative self talk Practice mindful eating Pay attention to what you are eating, read the labels Use a small plate 3 oz of protein and 1/2 cup veg is a meal Follow most of the guidelines most of the time Just because you can doesn't mean you should If you want to be 130 pound person you have to eat like 130 pound person You can't measure it if you don't manage it Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels Don't eat cheap meat, don't date cheap women You don't get to just eat what's easy Failing to plan is planning to fail Don't eat crap I'd rather be thin than eat that Keep your eyes on your own plate I'm watching what I eat so you don't have to Hang out with successful people No whining - or at least not much, not often Stop, breathe, reflex, chose It's all about choices Simplicity, patience, compassion Simple in actions and in thoughts Patients with both friends and enemies Compassionate toward yourself and others If it's not broken, don't fix it Trust it or adjust it Don't try to polish a turd Is that an excuse or a reason? What do you really want? What do you really need? The answer to my problems is not in the cupboard/refrigerat or/freezer Calories in, calories out Eat less, exercise more Distract yourself from food Perfect isn't good enough Let it be Never say I can't If you get the chance to sit it out or dance: dance, dance, dance! Keep the BS tolerance meter set at zero Don't blow smoke up my skirt Honesty, responsibility, commitment, inner strength I am responsible for the choices I make I don't need to have an opinion on every thing What would I have to do to make this different? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result =insanity Even crazy people deserve a chance to be thin  
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Jessie Ahroni

I am at the stage in life where I divide everything into two categories: my problem - not my problem. If it's my problem I fix it. If it's not my problem I don't worry about it. When you do this life becomes very simple. I avoid toxic people. I avoid negative people. I don't tolerate whining well. I have a list of coping skills on my bulletin board. When I feel I need food to cope I read through the list first.   Be realistic Get perspective on the problem Be optimistic Give up perfectionism Meditate Reflect Think Relax Journal This will not last for ever Create positive energy Talk to yourself Talk to others Visualize One thing at a time Exercise or engage in physical activity Hobbies Do something you enjoy Look to the future Make healthy lifestyle choices Eat less, decrease caffeine, decrease alcohol Sleep, exercise, seek balance Share feelings, talk Use groups Use your relationships Love, support, guidance Give in, be flexible Go easy on the criticism of self and others Change your reaction to the situation Change your thinking Change your feelings Change your behavior Get help Get professional help
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INSECURITY

Insecurity It sounds like he is very insecure.. I have been with my husband for 13 years and Married for 12 of those years.. it got ugly between him and I when I was fatter. I felt that he lost respect for me, Since my surgery I am down a lil over 60 lbs .. (girl you have done awesome with your band!) but my husband has been so clingy lately. This surgery has made my relationship with my husband way better. Hang in there and maybe seek some counseling? I don't know but I wish you the best.. honestly I know being married ain't easy... It sounds like you are the one that is changing and not him. You mentioned that he never gives you compliments and I wonder if he did that before? I would guess not and if he didn't you really can't expect him to do things differently now. I think we are not supposed to make any life changing decisions too soon after a major event in our lives (a death, a birth, a financial windfall etc)and I think WLS is one of those things so if I were you I would put out some feelers to him about conseling or at least just try talking to him about how you feel and find out how he feels. Give it all you've got cause good men are hard to find. Your advice is right on - I would also add this. It it impossible to change someone else - the only thing we have power over is our own actions. I have learned to be more tolerant and understanding over time. I hope that Laura's husband will adapt and regain his self-confidence so that they can grow old together. This is going to sound ridiculous, but he is acting this way because he loves you. He probably was secure in you being a bigger girl because, well society puts us last, you have accomplished such a huge loss in a short time, it's a shock for everyone. You are probably primping and glowing all over the place, and that gets his attention, don't kid yourself, but he doesn't want it to get anyone else's attention. Just do your best to make him feel secure, and if it is something that won't blow up... ask him what he thinks. I know it is hard to seperate when someone is working things out with themself or a personal attack. Remember, whatever negative comes out of his mouth is HIS emotion that needs work. Just love him, but because this is such a drastic change, you guys are going to have to kick up the communication. You're a doll! Great Job!!!   To me, it sounds like he married the fat girl, and was comfortable with that. It made him feel confident in the relationship because he was "Good Enough" for you. Now that you are losing weight, he is worried that he is no longer "Good Enough", and that you will find a better replacement. I think that a pretty common feeling in couples when someone makes self improvements, or one is obviously better looking that the other. Like with me, I have been overweight my whole life, and am self-conscious about it. Well my wife is a former model, and weighs about 115 lbs.. I have to admit that every time she goes out without me, there is a small voice in the back of my head saying "She's going to find a hot guy, and replace me". My logical mind knows that this is not true - we have the perfect marraige, but it's just something that you can't turn off. I just keep it completely to myself, and would never say anything to her about it. The quickest way to push her away would be to try to bottle her up. It sounds like to me that you need to confirm to him that you ONLY want to be with him, and no matter how much weight you lose, HE is the one you want to be with. If I were in the situation, words like that would go a LONG way towards easing my insecurities. Another trick may be the next time you go out with your girls, get home and tell him that you were thinking about him all night, and then jump his bones   t's great that we feel prettier and more sexy...it's a good thing but maybe you need to show hubby you still have it for him. Telling him would help but with men, sex usually works best!! Maybe you could show him! Well I can tell you that I think he is really just insecure... You are a hottie!   Maybe you need to have a heart to heart with him. Sit him down and tell him how you feel. Let him know that you are proud of yourself for doing so well on your band and you share your pictures here because we can offer you the support you need because we all understand the struggle weight loss can be. Let him know that you haven't changed ~ you're just healthier now. That just means you can live a longer, more fulfilling life with him. Tell him that you married him for better or for worse, and remind him that he loved you at your "worst" healthwise and now you want him to love you now that you're better. If he is hard to talk to, write him a letter. I do this often with my husband because then he can concentrate on my words an not my, um... attitude. It seems to sink in better for him that way.   To be very honest here, I do detect a bit of an attitude with your weight loss, your husband feels he has lost the old you who he loved fat, now that you are thinner he wants you back... His feelings are real for him, don't make him wrong for feeling the way he feels, I think you need to just keep reminding him you love him and would never hurt him...Did you go out with your girlfriends before you lost the weight or is this a new thing??? If it's something new, I don't blame your husband at all for feeling that way...Good luck and hopefully it will work out...   I don't think you have serious issues. I have noticed how insecure my husband is, regardless of how I look. I met him when I was 19 and 'only' 142 lbs. Way back when he thought I was fat. We didn't talk for a few years and then we met again I weight 180 lbs and then I gained and gained and he married me at 230. My highest recorded weight was 286 within the last year or so. Anyway I was insecure for years about how I looked. I've 'only' lost 50 lbs and truly have about 100 lbs before I am at goal...but I wear lower cut shirts, I feel better about myself. I am going to counseling and letting my needs be known. HOWEVER, he never compliments me unless I fish for it. If I say my pants are too big he says thats a great problem to have. Or if I say I weigh xxx now he says 'way to go'. But I never get a 'wow you look great' without fishing for it.   I think it is wrong for others to point out your CONFIDENCE and say you shouldn't have it. There is nothing wrong and it is absolutely necessary that we change with this journey. So what if you think you are a sexi mamma etc... YOU ARE!!! And if you go out with friends its because you aren't embarrassed to be in public anymore. You are entitled to your life and friends and getting away. HOWEVER if you are ever unhappy goto counseling before you do anything. And if after counseling it doesn't work you've done your best.   If anything goto counseling to deal with your emotions on this, you can't fix him but you can fix you!   You look great and be proud! He sounds pretty insecure to me. I'd make sure you let him know how much he means to you, and no matter how much you change on the OUTSIDE, you are the same person INSIDE, and your love for him won't change. BUT I would address his insecurities and jealousy with him, let him know how it makes you feel and see if he offers up WHY he feels that way. Worse can scenario...maybe some marital counseling would do you both some good. It always helps to have a neutral 3rd party listening in to the he said/she said thing. It definately sounds like insecurity on your husband's part. Men are so funny, just last week I told my DH that I was going to a Christmas party and he got so upset but didn't really show it so I was like, OK. The next day I got a long voice mail on my cellphone (very unexpected) that took me by suprise. When I confronted him about it, he told me straight out that he was the jealous type and wasn't use to me getting all this attention. Who would have thunk it, after 10 yrs of not knowing this?!?!   I appreciated him for telling me that because my DH has always displayed confidence and never a jealous bone in his body (at least I thought). Anyway, I have started to judge my words with him a little better than before, I didn't mind telling him about someone hitting on me or making comments about my figure because of the person he is but now I don't do that. My DH is great, he has been my #1 cheerleader before and after WLS and I am greatful for his support. I wouldn't want to do anything to make my hubby feel insecure. Seeking counsel is the best advice anyone could give you. My WL has definately changed my DH but for the better, he was already the greatest and now he loves the confidence WL has given me. Hi Laura! I have experience everything that you have experienced and have been married 21 years. I was skinny when he married me and just continued to gain weight over the years. We hardley ever had sex but once every month in a half or hugged or got affectionate. I missed those things so very much. My husband would still want to have sex but it was more me because I didnt want to because I felt fat and thought I looked horrible. I still do have a problem with wanting to have sex just becuase I still feel fat and ugly. Dont get me wrong I love to have sex and we have it more often then we did before and it seems the more sex we have the more comfortable he feels about me going out. Its kinda funny how things are sometimes, but give it a chance and they will work out. Men sometimes need more reassurance then we do. When I had my surgery in Feb. 06 he continued to tell me that I would leave him and I continued to tell him that I love him and would always love him unless he just became more of an a**hole. Well he became more of an a**hole and we had to do some serious talking to save our marriage. I did begin to go out with my friends once a month as well and would feel like I just needed a break from the kiddos and everything eles. Everytime I step out the door to go out he gets upset and jealous and I have to reassure him that I love him and its just something he will have to get use to. We now go out together but I still make time for my friends as well. I go to Therapy once a month and my hubby will be going with me soon because I feel like its more his issues then mine. My husband sometimes will catch himself with the jealously stuff but I tell him that we have come to far in this marraige and that he just needs to trust me and that he shouldbe happy that I have more confidence and that I feel healthy. Sorry to keep carrying on but I know that things will work out for me so I believe they will work out. Keep your head up and try communicating more I've lived this from both sides. My husband has had the same weight issues all his adult life that I've had. Up and down, up and down. We met each other about four years ago when we were both in the going down phase (although I now weigh about 60 lbs less than when we met!). He was at the perfect weight for him when we met.   When we moved in together, and eventually married- we both started putting the weight back on. Mine leveled out at about 10 lbs more than when we met, but his continued to climb. He decided to join a gym and start dieting and it FREAKED ME OUT. I was so worried that he'd get thin and would not want to be with his fat wife anymore. That's when I started looking into lapband. I knew that if I didn't do something about my weight- my insecurities would kill our marriage, even though he never made ONE.SINGLE.COMMENT about my weight.   Then the tables turned. He was sure I'd leave him when *I* got thin- or possibly nag him about his weight. Neither happened- because I love him no matter what weight he is. Not only is he a handsome devil, he's the kindest, most wonderful man I've ever met.   My point is, insecurity does funny things to us. Change makes insecure people even more insecure.   I hope that this is just a phase for your husband, as it was for my husband. Eventually, my husband learned that I wasn't going anywhere and he's back to his ol' secure self. I honestly don't know how I would have acted, if the tables were turned, because of my HORRIBLE insecurities.   I hope that the two sides of the story helps!
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I WANT TO WEAR:

WHAT I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WANT TO WEAR: 1. SHORTS & TANK TOP. 2. BERMUDAS, 3. MY BLACK JACKET 4. HALTER TOPS. 5 MY RED DRESS:clap2: 6. MY BEIGE DRESS:D 7. SIZE 2 PANTS 8. ALL MY PANTS BAGGY
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I WANT A HONEY! 9/12/06

I WANT SOMEONE TO SHARE MY LIFE WITH SOMEONE TO DOTE ON, SOMEONE TO CUDDLE WITH SOMEONE TO HOLD HANDS WITH, SOMEONE TO KISS & SNUGGLE UP TO AT NIGHT SOMEONE TO HOLD ME SOMEONETO BE POSSESSIVE & PROTECTIVE OF ME SOMEONE TO COOK FOR SOMEONE TO KISS, CARESS & HUG SOMEONE TO SHARE MY DEEPEST THOUGHTS WITH, SOMEONE TO ADMIRE,& ENCOURAGE SOMEONE TO BE TENDER WITH SOME ONE TO LAUGH WITH SOMEONE TO WATCH TV & GO TO THE MOVIES WITH SOMEONE WHOSE LAP I CAN GO SIT ON WHEN I WANT TO SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ME SOMEONE TO DISCUSS THINGS WITH SOMEONE TO CHERISH SOMEONE TO LOVE SOMEONE TO BE #1 IN MY LIFE, TO BE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE SOMEONE WHO OPENS DOORS FOR ME, SOMEONE TO PLAY WITH IN A HOT TUB SOMEONE TO COOK FOR ME SOMEONE TO MAKE PASSIONATE LOVE WITH
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HOW FRAGILE!

THU WHEN HE CAME IN WAS UNCOMF...WHEN HE WAS LEAVING HE WHISPERED THAT HE WAS PLAYING THAT NITE...AS HE BOLTED OUT THE DOOR!:car::rolleyes WAS MOVED TO SEE ME THERE I TOOK BARKLEY W ME
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HELLO SIZE 8!

Met Pete Spataro last night...he was hitting on me! Couldn't believe how good I looked. This morning I put on my grey & silver pinstriped pants SIZE 8.... they fit but theyr'e short. I DO LOOK HOT...MY GREY LEATHER VEST & BLACK STRETCH SHIRT FITS ME BEAUTIFULLY. My knee hurt last night & this a.m.... Geiss Said NO MOTRIN OR ANY ANTI INLFAMITORY. IT'S BAD FOR THE POUCH...IF I HAVE TO, TO TAKE MAALOX FIRST...I DECIDED I DONT WANT TO RISK HURTING MY POUCH...I'LL TAKE TYLENOL & GRIN & BEAR IT!
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HANG IN THERE NINA!

I don't know about you, but some days I just feel like giving up..... watching what we eat, sometimes even portion control if the restriction is not there yet, exercising, the band rules............   But guys, don't give up, because at least we have already lost some weight, and we only have the rest to lose, imagine where we would be if we had never started this journey!!   I hope you are inspired by the quote below:     "When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." By Harriet Beecher Stowe
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GRATITUDE

GRATITUDE Every day is a blessing, and in each moment there are many things that we can be grateful for. The world opens up to us when we live in a space of gratitude. In essence, gratitude has a snowball effect. When we are appreciative and express that gratitude, the universe glows a bit brighter and showers us with even more blessings.   There is always something to be grateful for, even when life seems hard. When times are tough, whether we are having a bad day or stuck in what may feel like an endless rut, it can be difficult to take the time to feel grateful. Yet, that is when gratitude can be most important. If we can look at our lives, during periods of challenge, and find something to be grateful or, then we can transform our realities in an instant. There are blessings to be found everywhere. When we are focusing on what is negative, our abundance can be easy to miss. Instead, choosing to find what already exists in our lives that we can appreciate can change what we see in our world. We start to notice one blessing, and then another.   When we constantly choose to be grateful, we notice that every breath is a miracle and each smile becomes a gift. We begin to understand that difficulties are also invaluable lessons. The sun is always shining for us when we are grateful, even if it is hidden behind clouds on a rainy day. A simple sandwich becomes a feast, and a trinket is transformed into a treasure. Living in a state of gratitude allows us to spread our abundance because that is the energy that we emanate from our beings. Because the world reflects back to us what we embody, the additional blessings that inevitably flow our way give us even more to be grateful for. The universe wants to shower us with blessings. The more we appreciate life, the more life appreciates and bestows us with more goodness."
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GAME PLAN

10/7/06***194 10/14/06***189 10/21/06***184 10/28/06***180
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