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I just saw a photo of myself from last summer.....

:cursing: Holy s***! I knew that in 2007, I had reached my all time high weight. I rarely allowed my photo to be taken, and when it was taken, I didn't want to see it. Someone took my photo last summer, then gave me a copy a few weeks later. I vaguely remember seeing it, being shocked at how large I had gotten, and sticking it in a drawer.   This week, my husband found the photo (I don't know how, I purposely stuck in in a drawer that we never use). When he found it, I wasn't home, so he put it back, and told me about it later. He said that he found a picture of me from last summer, and that I now look so much better (down 40 pounds on my 5'3" frame). He said that he doesn't even remember me being that heavy (huh?!?!?). A few nights later, we were having dinner, and he went to the drawer, and took out the photo. He asked if I wanted to see it. I actually was thinking of not looking, because I obviously hated the way I felt at that weight. I took the photo and stared at the back for a few moments. Finally, I turned it over.   No, no, no!!! That cannot be me! Puffy, bloated, distorted....HUGE! How did I let myself go? I pride myself in my looking nice. Not to be vain, but I don't want to "let myself go". I like fashion, beauty and exercise. I subscribe to Self, Elle, Allure, Cooking Light and Glamour magazines, and I read them cover to cover! I could hardly see my green eyes through the distorted features of my face. I felt sad and mad at myself. How many Monday morning diets did I start back then? How many excuses did I make to myself about clothes that didn't fit? Brands that must "run small"? How many times did I stuff my feelings down my throat, rather than face them? Food was my anti-anxiety drug, and my escape from life route. It was the easy was out from the difficulties of life.   I cannot remember what prompted me to get the lap band surgery. I'm sure it was many little things all building up. I only wish I had done it sooner. Of course, all of my problems have not immediately disappeared as the weight is slowly melting away. I still need to learn how to wind down at the end of a stressful day, without a pound of pasta. When my husband and I fight, I am learning to get my feelings out, and discuss them, rather than stuff my feelings down my throat in the form of chips and cookies. It's hard, but I never want to see that girl in the photo again.
citygirl4616

citygirl4616

1
 

6 weeks post-op and B-day goal

Wow...just about 6 weeks post-op and down 19 pounds. I had my first fill 2 days ago. 3 cc, which I was very happy about. I was hoping for a pretty large fill because I was feeling no restriction in the past 3 weeks. I am definitely feeling restriction now! Very similar to the first few post-op days.   I have a little pressure/tightness in my chest (near where the band is). I am thinking the area is still swollen and irritated from the adjustment. I can tolerate soft and mushy foods, but nothing too solid or crunchy yet. I tried to eat a scrambled egg this morning, and I guess I didn't chew it into small enough bites, because the chest pain was really bad! I took a 15 minute break, then slowly ate about half the remaining egg, chewing each teeny, tiny bite about 30 times. It went down much better. I was full on 1/2 of an egg. Finally my weight loss has resumed, and I have reached Onederland! I will never see the Twos again!   My 40th is still a little over 4 months away. I am going to aim for a goal of 2 pound of weight loss per week until then. That is 32 pounds lost by June 29th. I am at 199 now, that would bring me to 167 by my birthday. For the first time in my life, I feel like I can actually do it!
citygirl4616

citygirl4616

1
 

13 days till surgery!!!!!

Finally got assigned my surgery date of Jan. 10, 2008. First day of the rest of my healthy life. I am completely thrilled. Even though I didn't want to share the news of my surgery w/ any other than hubby, I will have to tell my Dad and his wife this weekend. My surgeon, Dr. Steinberg, was really nice about getting me in for surgery ASAP, but Phil couldn't get off of work with such short notice, so I had to ask my Dad to take me in on Jan. 10th. I will explain the surgery to him this weekend (he is in FL. now). At least Phil can pick me up the next day.   I do not know why I am so obsessed with keeping this surgery private. I keep thinking of what I will tell people when they start to notice my weight loss. Will I confess then? Or just say I started eating less (which is true)? I am still judging myself that I let myself get to this weight, and that I had to rely on surgery to get it off.   I'll just take each day as it comes. In the meantime, I have everything I need for my 48 hour pre-op diet, and my 3 week post-op liquid diet. I am so excited, and just cannot wait to start losing. 2008 is going to be a great year! 2007 was a crappy year. 2008 can only get better!!!!!:biggrin1:
citygirl4616

citygirl4616

3
 

40th B-day approaching

I went to a friends 40th birthday last night. My 40th is on 6/29/08. I hope to be down a good deal of weight by then. I spent my 30's raising kids (they are 12 and 14, so I am still raising them!) and trying to lose weight. That is what I will remember about my 30's. Trying unsuccessfully to lose weight! I think I tried every plan out there, only to temporarily lose some weight, and gain it back a few months later, plus a few more pounds.   If I hear one more person tell me what a "pretty face" I have...I will scream:eek:!!!!!! I can hear people saying in their heads.."..such a pretty face, if only she would lose weight...". Okay, maybe that sounds petty and superficial, but I guess that is my pet peeve. Sure, I am getting banded to look better, and younger, but my primary reason is my health. My cholesterol is at 203 (on Lipitor), and the ratios are not good. My doctor also said I have a "fatty liver". I am lucky that those are my only major health issues right now, but a few more years at this weight (or at this rate, probably higher), I am sure there would be many more.   I am also lucky to have an incredibly supportive husband who thinks I am beautiful and sexy at any weight. :bounce:   I am hoping this is the week I get my surgery date! I am so excited and hoping for a late December or January date.
citygirl4616

citygirl4616

3
 

Still waiting to get my surgery date.......

I know I shouldn't be so impatient, but I cannot wait to get my surgery date already! I have completed all of my pre-op appointments, and have gotten all my clearances, except the surgeons office is still awaiting the results of the MMPI-II test (which I only took 6 days ago). I got the clearance from the psychologist, but the surgeon, Dr. Scott Steinberg, at Dekalb medical Center in Atlanta, also wanted the MMPI-II test.   I just cannot wait to get this new part of my life begun! I have already purchased my chewable vitamins, B-complex supplements, and a few protein powder supplements to try out before surgery. I was originally hoping to get banded before the new year, but realistically, I am hoping now for a January date.   In the meantime, I am going to keep on exercising. I am pretty active (yoga, tennis, walking), but probably need more cardio. I will also practice eating slowly (very hard for me, I am a quick eater). I will also practice patience. Another week or two will not make a difference in the course of my weight loss journey;).
citygirl4616

citygirl4616

1
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