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I Take Up Less Space in the World

I was reflecting on the past eight months yesterday.   I was sitting in the passenger seat of my car. My legs were crossed (Indian-style) on the seat. I had plenty of room.   I was sitting on my bed talking to my husband and looked in the mirror.   I looked at a booth seat and had to scoot forward to reach the table.   I walked through a crowd the other day.   It's still new to me, this taking up less space in the world. I take up less space in bed. I take up less space in the car. There's just less of me!   I am 209 pounds as of yesterday. I tried on my husband's size 34 shorts. I could get them over my hips...not quite to buttoning them, but they came up where they were supposed to be. I am in size 18s and some 16s. I have lost over 80 pounds.   I may not be where I want to be, yet, but I FEEL normal.   I don't waddle when I walk anymore.   I think that when I get pregnant, I will LOOK pregnant...not just fat.   I don't fear meeting people who haven't seen me in awhile (I'm way smaller than ANYONE has seen in about 15 years!).   I don't worry that people are staring at me.   I have a flight coming up on June. I KNOW I will fit in the seat.   I'm going hiking this weekend. I may not be in good shape, but I know I can do it!   I'm planning athletic things (hiking, kayaking, etc) with a new friend...and she's not worried if I can keep up.   So much in so little time. Bad things too. I see fat people now and wonder why they haven't gotten the surgery. I see people who are bigger than me and thank God it's not me. I'm so grateful, but also relieved. I'M not the freak anymore. Someone else is. It may not be nice, it may not be good, but it's true.   I wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't gotten so fat.
Jennie1976

Jennie1976

1
 

8 Month Anniversary

Today is my 8-month anniversary, and I can't believe it. I am down to 214 (but I DID see 213 yesterday!). I bought a size 16 this morning, and it fits! Yesterday, I had an amazing NSV.   About a year ago, my family went to Foster's Freeze. They had little tables with molded chairs. I BARELY fit in the chairs. My boobs were hanging over the table. The table cut into my stomach. I almost didn't fit.   Yesterday, we went again. I had that old familiar feeling of, "Will I fit in those chairs?" I wasn't even thinking of last time! I sat down...and I had a good SIX INCHES in front of me! I could sit sideways, front ways, any way I wanted! It was amazing!!!   I am now hoping to get pregnant this month. I want SO bad to look pregnant, not just fat. I had originally wanted to be down to 200 before getting pregnant. And I guess it's still a possibility. I'm know it's rare to get pregnant the first month you try.   I am now a size 16 or 18. Walmart's 2x clothes are too big. Their 1x clothes are a bit small (only because I have a huge chest still).   I can eat 3-5 bites per meal. PER MEAL! And I'm fine with it. I get compliments all the time. And, anyone I now meet, only knows me at this size, not 290. I really don't even remember being this size. I must have been a freshman in junior in high school or so!   I STILL can't believe how much has changed in 8 months. It seems impossible. Anyone who told me that I would be a size 16 or 18 in 8 months I would have called a liar.   I am now looking forward to being in the 100s. Each day is another milestone. I just can't WAIT to see what happens!!!
Jennie1976

Jennie1976

1
 

The Lists (Good and Bad)

Things I WON'T miss (but seriously can't imagine life without yet):   My thighs rubbing together   Snoring (done!)   Shopping at stores with large sizes (kinda done!)   Not worrying about fitting into booths/chairs/plane seats/etc (done!)   Having to work twice as hard to hike/ride a horse/etc. (done!)   Being unbelievably embarrassed in a bathing suit   Being over the weight limit on our kayak (done!)   Causing a tidal wave if I get on a boat   Causing an earthquake if I fall off my horse   Not being able to mount my horse from the ground (done!)   Not being able to cross my legs   Lying on my back and not being able to breathe (done!)   Wishing my husband had a wife he could be proud of (done!!!!!)     Things I can't wait for (but , again, can't really imagine yet:   Not having a belly (after ps)   Looking my age   Being hit on by GOOD LOOKING (not old, special ed, still living with mom) men (I know I'm married, but it's nice to be hit on!)   Rock climbing   Being as athletic as my husband (and how I USED to be)   Being able to run down a hill without worrying that I"m going to fall   Being smaller than my SIL   Being smaller than my DH   Being pregnant and LOOKING pregnant (not fat)   Crossing my legs COMFORTABLY   My thighs not rubbing together   My next high school reunion (the only reason I missed the last one was because of all the weight I gained)   Not having to ask the weight limit on things like the rock climbing wall   Dancing without looking like an idiot (then again, I don't know if weight loss will cure this one!)   Not constantly thinking about food   Being able to run a mile with my students...and beating some of them!!   Being the kind of basketball coach who runs with her kids rather than watching from the sidelines     I know this is a long post, but it was kind of cool to see all the things I've already accomplished...even though I'm still 38 pounds from goal!
Jennie1976

Jennie1976

1
 

7 months out

I posted this in a thread, but it's SO how I feel right now.   I can't believe we are 7 months out! I think of what was going through my head seven months ago. I was so embarrassed to just exist.   I hated the way I walked. I didn't walk. I waddled.   I hated the way I felt around my husband. Every time he told me I was sexy, I just KNEW he was lying (even though I know NOW he really felt that way).   I got SO tired when I was hiking. I wouldn't let it stop me, but I had to work SO much harder.   I couldn't get in on my horse without the saddle slipping down the side (no matter how tight it was). Even if I did manage not to move the saddle, I couldn't pull my weight up there. Just the other day, I almost flew over the other side of him because I pulled myself up TOO much!   The other teacher I work with is also large. I felt like we were the fat team of teachers on campus.   I worried about getting pregnant. I'm going to start trying next month, and I knew my weight would be an issue...and I would feel like a failure all over again.   ALL that has changed in seven months. I don't worry about going to Disneyland or Six Flags. I know I'll fit in all the rides. I'm going to Washington DC this June. I know I"ll fit in the seat just fine. I know that if I fall off my horse, I won't cause a small earthquake! And I know I"ll be able to get back up! I can shop in the normal parts of certain stores that go up to larger sizes...such as Old Navy, Target, and Walmart. I double-duched with my students. I know that, even though I'm a size 18 now, by next month, these clothes will be too big to wear.   And, I know, that even though the scale went down another pound today, it is not the last pound. It WILL go down again in a couple of days.   I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world.
Jennie1976

Jennie1976

1
 

Three Weeks and Three Pounds?!?!?!?!?!

I was losing about 2-3 pounds a week. Then came March's time of the month. I GAINED about 5 pounds--up to 228 from 223! And now I'm down to 220. So, I guess technically it's down 8 pounds, but wow! It seems to have taken forever (relatively speaking).   I know this is not a competition. I know that no one's weight loss will be like mine. I know that if I continue to eat this way, I WILL continue to lose weight. But, when you are used to the scale doing one thing and it does another, it REALLY ticks you off!   Just yesterday I started really losing again. I'm one of those obsessive people who has to weigh CONSTANTLY. But, it's nice to see the scale move down.   This morning, my official weigh-in was 220.2. When I weighed about 1/2 hour later, I was 219. That is amazing. I am only 19 pounds from 200?!?!? I just can't believe it.   I started this journey with several goals in mind. 1. I wanted to get to 260 because that was what I told people my weight was, even though it had crept up to 290.   2. I wanted to get to 240 because it was the lowest I had ever been.   3. I want to get to 200 because...well, isn't it obvious?!?!   4. I want to get to 180 because I can't even imagine life at that size.   Goals 1 and 2 are met...goal 3 is 19 pounds away! Wow!   Then I had mini goals: 1. I want to get to 200 pounds by June because I hope to be pregnant then. I'm also going to Washington DC and I think it would be great to be 200.   2. I want to be a size 14 before I get pregnant so that I can look pregnant instead of just fat.   Aren't goals great? I know I'm a bit neurotic, but it works for me.   I feel like I"m at a crossroads right now. I think my metabolism has slowed so much that I won't lose weight as quickly. I'm still losing inches (I think), but my weight loss has stalled. I was hoping to get to at least 200 before that happened. As of this morning, the scale is moving again, so I'm hoping I'm not stalled. But, we'll see.   Right now, my goal is to be 215 by May 1st. VERY attainable. I am a little over seven months out and I have lost seventy pounds. There's no complaining about that!
Jennie1976

Jennie1976

1
 

43 pounds left

I can't believe I only have 43 pounds left to get to my goal of 180. 43!!!!!! I know it seems like a lot to some, but after losing almost 70, forty-three seems like nothing! A walk in the park!   I expect my weight loss to slow as I get closer to goal. I'm hoping it doesn't slow until I'm at least under 200. My BMI has gone down 10 points. This is too amazing.   That time of the month is the only time my weight loss slows. It sucks, but I know it will continue after about a week or a week and a half. It just fun to see the scale consistently going down.   I'll update at 7 months out!
Jennie1976

Jennie1976

1
 

A New Life - my 6 month anniversary

Today I am down to 230. I went in yesterday to get a fill. He have me .3ml so I am now up to 2.4ml total. I'm hoping that he didn't overfill me. I can drink liquids, but only a couple of bites of actual food. Not that I'm complaining. I really don't care how much I can eat. As long as I'm eating a bit and am losing weight, all is good!   I am officially down 60 pounds today. I have 50 to go to get to my goal weight. I am firmly in size 20s, and in a few 18s as well. MOST of my closet is now worthless. While my eating addiction is now under control, my spending addiction is not!   I find that I am now more excited about non-scale victories than I am about the scale itself. In the next couple of days, I will be in the 220s...a place I haven't been since high school. But I am WAY more excited about shopping at Old Navy and in the regular sections of Walmart and Target (for one or two items).   Things are more enjoyable for me. I never let my weight stop me from anything...I still went horseback riding, hiking, kayaking, etc. But now, it's SO much easier. I don't have to worry about looking stupid...or, more specifically, fat. I looked fat in the saddle. I looked fat going down the river. I was the fat girl struggling to keep up (but I DID keep up). Now, I look so much better...and it's all EASIER!   I have moments where I feel bad about this being so easy...guilty even. It's not all easy, but it's a LOT easier than my previous diets.   The hardships are such that I don't mind them. So WHAT if I can't eat more than three or four bites! So WHAT if it hurts when I eat too much! I had 32 YEARS of eating too much! So WHAT for ALL of it! The benefits are SO worth it! I'm not even talking about the health benefits. I KNOW there are so many of those. I didn't really have health problems beforehand. I wasn't depressed or anything like that. I know they would have some soon enough, but I was blessed. I'm totally talking about superficial benefits. I look better. I get attention from men. Even better than that, I get more attention from my HUSBAND. I feel better. I can DO more. It's just amazing. Better than I ever thought.   I know I have been so blessed for this to work out so well. I hope and pray that it continues to work out so well. This was one of the best things I have ever done. It's not easy...I have to do quite a bit different...but it's SO worth it.   Here's to the next 6 months and, hopefully my goal of 180 pounds!!!
Jennie1976

Jennie1976

1
 

The halfway point

I seriously can't believe I'm at the halfway point. And I'm lower than I've ever been in my entire adult life. Now I think I can believe anything.   I feel like I was just going through the motions until I got to 240. That was the lowest I've ever been. Now that I'm seeing new numbers...it's unbelievable! Literally! I knew it COULD happen, but couldn't imagine it ACTUALLY happening.   And, today, I wore my husband's jacket...a men's large...and it fit! I've met every goal so far and, even if that changes, it doesn't matter! It's coming off! I'm at 235 right now. My goal weight is 180. I just lost 55 pounds. In FIVE months! AND it took me awhile to get to my sweet spot! That didn't happen until the day before Thanksgiving.   I'm losing an average of ten pounds per month. I'm hoping to meet my goal weight in about August or September. All of my clothes are falling off of me. I am now a size 20. Last Sunday we went clothes shopping. I am seriously getting so many compliments and stares. In a way, I'm embarassed that I looked so badly before, but I'm also happy that I look so much better now.   Now, each pound down is another victory, and I can't wait to see what's going to happen next!
Jennie1976

Jennie1976

1
 

Five months out yesterday

Well, I'm five months out and 52 pounds down. I had hoped to lose about 10 pounds a month, and it seems that's what I'm averaging. It comes and goes in spurts. I'll lose nothing for a week, and then lose three or four pounds the next. Weird.   I'm also lower than I've ever been since I can remember in my adult life. When I went on the atkins diet, I got down to 240. I am now at 238! Wow! I am also almost halfway. I just can't believe it.   I KNOW this will slow down eventually, and that I'll have to work at it. But I am SO enjoying right now. I'm not one of those people who constantly tries on bigger sizes. I usually start with one too small, just hoping! My new body isn't perfect. I will want plastic surgery on my stomach. But I'm loving being able to fit in smaller clothes. However, that being said, I don't see a difference in the mirror. I see a SMALL difference with clothes on, but with no clothes...nothing. But everyone around me is noticing so I guess it's happening.   Well, I'm hoping to get down to 230 by the end of February and into the 220s by Easter...maybe 225. Of course, I say that, but can't even begin to imagine it! We'll see!
Jennie1976

Jennie1976

1
 

4 month anniversary

Well, it was my four month anniversary two days ago. As of today, I have lost 41 pounds. I had a VERY slow beginning, but the weight is coming off steadily (usually) now. Last week, my weight went up three/four pounds, but it is back down today. Thank God for that! My goal has always been to lose about ten pounds per month. If I do that, then I should reach my goal weight right about the time I want to get pregnant! Funny!   Social eating is a problem for me. Not many people know about my surgery, so I always feel I have to eat a "normal" amount of food so that I don't look like an idiot. With the band, this is impossible so I thow up. That cannot be good for my esophogus--or the band. I've noticed that all of my old habits have not gone away either...not that I expected them to just disappear. I still try to eat constantly when I'm home (on vacation). Except, now with the band, I can't eat as much and, when I do overeat (notice I said when, not if), I throw up. It mystifies me that I would rather have the horrible throwing up feeling than just eat what I'm supposed to. I know I will fail if I continue these horrible habits.   On the up side, I am FINALLY seeing some results with regard to clothes. I can't believe how much better I look. Without clothes, I don't see a difference at all. WITH clothes, I'm looking almost normal!!! Well, still very large, but not "OH MY GOD" large. Yeah!!!!! I'm having fun clothes shopping, but spending WAY too much money!!!! My husband is enjoying the new me though!   The lowest I've EVERY weighed in my adult life is 240. I can't even imagine what it will be like below that. I feel like my weight loss doesn't even start until then, because I've been there before and gained it all back. In my head, it seems like 240 is my starting point. I'm 9 pounds away, and I can't wait to get into the new weights!!!   Well, here's to a great week and to meeting my goal of 235 by Valentine's Day!!!   Jennie
Jennie1976

Jennie1976

1
 

3 month anniversary today...

I just now realized that today is my three-month anniversary. I've lost 30 pounds so far. I'm in kind of a melancholy mood. I'm so happy that the band is working. I feel all kinds of restriction and think I am at my "sweet spot". I can't eat very much at meals (maybe 8-10 bites), and, while I feel hunger in between, it's not too bad.   However, I'm SO impatient. I remember when I was on the Atkins diet (before it almost killed me) that I was losing weight almost daily. The pounds literally melted off of me. In the past two weeks (since my last fill), that's been happening to me, but, as of today, has stopped. I know I will continue to lose weight, but it disappoints me that it won't be as fast.   I know that the gastric bypass has this happen, and that the band typically loses weight slower, but I'm SO ready for this to happen. I look at others who had their surgery around the same time as me. Many of them have lost so much more weight than me. I know I JUST got restriction two weeks ago, but I feel that I should be so much further along.   I'm so afraid of eating too much and this not working. It really is the last resort and, I know it has worked for everyone else and that this is an irrational thought, but just "what if" I'm the only one it won't work for. I know I'll lose a little bit more weight, but what if I stop at 250 or 240? 240 is the lowest I've been in my adult life. And I was only there for a couple of weeks before gaining it all back and more. I'm so scared that I will only stop at 250/240 and that I'll never have what everyone else talks of on here.   Jennie
Jennie1976

Jennie1976

1
 

The "plop" feeling in your stomach

I had a couple of revelations today. First of all, the plop feeling. I remember being able to feel that "plop" as the food transfered from my upper stomach to my lower stomach. I finally figured out that it's BAD!!!! I know, I'm not that bright. The whole point of the band is to fill the upper portion of my stomach...not the lower! So, if I feel the plop feeling, I'm eating too much! I thought that I wasn't eating enough. Apparently I am because I don't feel all that hungry (a little, but not bad), and I'm definitely losing weight!   Secondly, I'm down 30 pounds! WOW! Last weekend was bad for me. I *tried* to binge. My entire binge included a total of about 6 bites of a strawberry pizza. Some binge. I couldn't do it. It made me re-evaluate a bunch of stuff. Why was I eating? Was it really going to make me feel better? Was it worth it to lose less weight that week?   Third, I fit into a size 20! I found that out last night. I'm 260 pounds. The lowest I've ever been in my adult life is 240. The smallest jeans I've had on in my adult life is a size 20. While I'm still 20 pounds from my smallest weight, I thought I'd try on those size 20 jeans, just to see how close (or far) I was. They zipped! My husband thinks I'm nuts. I must be losing weight differently this time for me to be 20 pounds away from my lowest weight, but I still fit in those jeans. And the sweater I have on today is a size 18/20. Both the jeans and the sweater stretch, but I'll take the victory any way I can!   Well, that's all for now. I hope everyone's weight loss is going well!
Jennie1976

Jennie1976

2
 

Sweet Spot?!?!?! I hope!

Well, I had my third fill on November 21st. The doctor took out all of my fluid, then filled it up to where I couldn't drink water. Then he took some out. I couldn't drink anything at 2.6 ccs. He brought it down to 2.1 to stay. I feel quite a bit of restriction. I'm still hungry between meals, but not as much as before. I have no idea if this means I need another fill or not. It's only been a few days and, in the past, it seems I get a bit more restriction as time goes by for the first couple of weeks. I hope this is the case.   I immediately began losing weight again though. Five pounds since last Wednesday. It's hard not to overdo it. You get in the habit of eating! I'm doing MUCH better on taking smaller bites though. Less sliming and throwing up recently. YAY! Finally!   I want to add exercise soon, but I live in the mountains and am only home when it's dark and unsafe to be outside. Our treadmill has a loose belt (can you replace just the belt or do you need a new treadmill??), so I can't use it. I'm finding it hard to DO something. Hopefully I'll get an exercise bike soon and I can use it in the afternoons.   Good Luck to all!  
Jennie1976

Jennie1976

2
 

First "slime"

Since beginning reading this board, I have often read of "sliming". Well, I experienced it for the first time today. NOT something I want to repeat. That being said, I'm not sure if I need more restriction or not. I'm hungry constantly, but I don't eat a lot. My soft stop changes so it's hard to tell. Sometimes I hiccup. Sometimes it's small burps. But that one is hard to differentiate between when I'm choking because I took too big a bite. I find myself constantly having PBs because of that.   I go in on Wednesday for another fill. I hope that it provides the right amount of restriction, and doesn't go overboard.   I'll let you know!   Jennie
Jennie1976

Jennie1976

1
 

Day 7665

I had my Lap-Band Surgery on September 6, 2007. Since then, I have had two fills. The first one was supposed to be 1cc. When I went for my second fill, I found out that my first was actually only .5cc. Both fills now total 1.5cc. I don't feel much restriction and my weight loss has stalemated.   I chose "Day 7665" as my title for this first entry because I have been dieting since I was about ten years old. I am now 31.   I went in for surgery at 288 lbs. I had to spend the night in the hospital because of a very rare disease I have (Porphyria), but, other than that, everything went well. I had a liquid diet for the day before the surgery.   I don't know about you, but I gained six pounds before my surgery! I kept looking at every meal as my last! When I came home after the surgery, I was hoping to have lost a pound or two, considering it was now day three of my wonderful liquid diet. NO SUCH LUCK! I actually GAINED two pounds, making my official highest weight 290. I was a little disheartened, but still excited.   I had my first fill on October 17th. I was supposed to get 1cc, but guess he didn't get all the air out of the band, and I only got .5cc. However, he asked if I thought I could sit up with the needle in my stomach. I figured I could do anything to get this weight off, so he said to come back in two weeks. He would have me sit up and drink water while he filled in the band. When I couldn't drink any more, he would take some out so that I would have a good amount in my band.   I called back in two weeks, but the appointment was with the other doctor in the office. I think I accidentally got in the middle of a power struggle between the two of them because he told me that he was the one in charge and that was NOT how they did it. So he gave me one more cc. That was on November 2nd.   My next apointment is on December 17th. I'm really looking forward to it! My biggest problem is that I am eating less at meals, but I am hungry between meals. I also have problems recognizing when I am full. I know I will get better at it, but I'm so used to eating until I feel slightly sick (not so good I guess!). Right now, it's a matter of I THINK I need more food than I actually do.   Another thing that surprises me is the peer pressure to eat. I don't want to eat so much, but when I eat lunch with my coworkers, I feel like I need to eat a normal (for an average person) amount of food. After throwing up a few times from eating too quickly, I am eating a lot more slowly and hoping that solves my problem.   I still eat way too quickly a lot. That's another habit I have to break. I know that throwing up is NOT good for the band. It's not actually throwing up, and the food just comes back up. Pretty gross. It's especially embarassing when I have to leave the table when I'm with people who don't know about my surgery (most of the people I know).   Well, my weight keeps fluctuating right now. I go between 268.8 and 272.2. This morning, I was 271.2. After looking at many of the before and after pictures on this website, I feel a lot more motivated to eat less, regardless of the amount of restriction I feel.   Here's to a great day!  
Jennie1976

Jennie1976

1
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