So its been a year since I found this site and essentially started my journey.
I started at 284lbs. Im 210lbs today. I would love to have lost 100 lbs by my bandiversary March 4. Should be doable.
My eating habits have changed drastically, and yet I really don't feel deprived. I just don't need to eat what/the way I used to anymore.
I'm sleeping better then I have in years. I think it is a combination of less weight and more activity. A motivated day makes for blissful sleep.
I love being able to shop in the 'regular' sections. I think it is important to have a few good outfits that fit well. Seeing my body change toward what I dream is very exciting.
I never had an operation or was hospitalized before being banded. Now I'm seriously thinking about plastic surgery. I'll be trading a few scars for the body of my dreams. Doable.
I had surgery on 3/4 at 10am. Great time cause I got to sleep in a bit. Arrived at the hospital with my sister and husband and was directed to the surgical waiting area. They called my name, I was taken to pre op and given a gown , slippers and a hat, pointed to a tiny restroom. I changed, put my clothes in the bag with my name on it and came out into the pre op area with the beds separated by curtians. I was weighted (255) and assigned a bed. Note on the gown- nice and big made of soft paper and had velcro at the shoulders for-I found out later- ease of removal in surgery. The nurse asked me a million questions-allergies, what I was there for, name, is the ID band correct, medication Im taking. She started the IV, gave me a shot of Lovenox(hurt,stings) and my family was brought in. Anesthesiologist came looked at chart and left.
Sidebar- I contacted the complementary medicine department at the hospital about relaxation therapy before surgery and was told to purchase a cd in the gift shop and listen to it before surgery. Than this lady, Irene would come up to pre op to help me with the stress of the surgery. Ok Im game. I buy& listen.
In comes Irene all cheery, did I listen to the cd? yes. Am I still nervous? yes. How about listening to the cd again? screw the cd, I need more then the cd. She rubs my forehead and ears kind of like a massage, but not. She has stinky perfume. Ok I smiled said she could stop. Now she just hovered next to the bed talking about grace and mercy. I tuned her out.
My Dr comes in & starts talking about the procedure and how everything will be fine. OK here it comes- I say It will be fine as long as I don't have a catheter. Dr says well thats not how they do it here. Wait for it.....
Amanda FREAKS!!!!!
I banged both hands on the rails of the bed and started in on how I was the patient and what I said goes. I gotta give the Dr credit he didn't freak (Irene jumped and disappeared) He just continued talking like I never popped a fuse and said maybe I wasn't ready for the band. My sister gives me the look and said I needed to explain why I wasn't going to have the cath. Now Im a little embarrassed about popping off and pissed that the cath has anything to do with getting banded. Staring off into the ceiling I explain why- infection, pain, and (the kicker) if no cath I will get up and walk more in recovery as with the cath I will remain glued to the bed. I will be a happier more willing patient.
The Dr stops, blinks, says OK, and walks away. I am so pleased with myself.
The Anesthesia nurse comes in with the good drugs, asks me who I am then pumps them in the IV. They start pushing the bed out of pre op. Sister squeezes my hand and husband gives me a kiss.
I totally freak-again.
Am I doing the right thing? Did I think this through? Someone is going to be CUTTING ME!
This all passes though my head in about 5 seconds. Deep breath. The drugs must be kicking in. I don't care any more. Im just enjoying the view.
Rolled into the surgery suite, asked to slide to other table, centered myself and told them I was "equadistance from both sides of the table". Ha ha. Next thing Im waking up in recovery.
Im asked if Im in pain, rate it 1-10, I said 3 or 4. nurse said you mean more like 7 right? Nope , then I remember about how if you say you're nauseated they give you something that has a side effect of making you really sleepy and Im thinking sleepy would be really good now. So I say Im nauseous. In go the drugs out goes Amanda.
I woke up about 2 hours later with the nurse saying that I needed to be moved to the bed I would be in overnight. HA? Bed? You mean moved to room, right. Nope. No room at the hospital, Im going to be staying at the back end of the recovery with 3 other Lap banders. Great.
So they tell my family to leave and get me out of bed. Here is where I found out about the velcro on the gown. noone redid it after putting it back on after surgery and as I go to sit up I flashed the recovery room and my fellow patients all my new incisions and my boobs. Great.
I get wrapped up, moved, pit stop at the john where I have to pee in a container they called the hat and connected to monitors and compression bootys. So starts my first overnight stay in the hospital.
I could keep going about all that happened. The bed didn't work, the compression booties stopped working about midnight, pain shot (that I took only to get some sleep) gave me a headache, I used the sore throat spray on the scrape the Anesthesiologist made on the top of my mouth, ate alot of ice, tried to sleep, 3am ripped out of sleep by the fire alarm clanger next to my bed, the people running through the fire door also next to me,(the false alarm was never explained but since my hospital was in the fire district my husband volunteers in I knew I was in good hands), 8pm 12am,5am 8am temp and blood pressure, 2 more Lovenox shots(ouch), multiple trips to the john (about 500cc each for those that were counting) 8am trip to radiology for the barium and x ray. They messed up the first picture and had to do a total of three which meant that I drank 16oz of barium. Then Im sent home with instructions to drink 1 ounce every hour. (I asked about the 16 0z of barium, no one had an answer or comment) a pain scrip (later at the pharmacy I found out it was one that Im allergic to) and the instructions printed out from the nutritionist for my meals for the next 5 weeks.
I dont think I want to go to the hospital again.
At home all things are better. Heating pad for the shoulder, liquid Tylenol(good stuff!) for pain, lots of juice and broth with unjury added.
Im a happy camper now. Very minimal discomfort. I don't think I will ever stop passing barium. (ya-TMI)
Before surgery I drew a smiley face (my signature as I have one as a tattoo somewhere) and a green shamrock on my belly for the Dr to find. It was the first thing he mentioned to my family after surgery. Said everyone got a good laugh and he put the port right under the shamrock. Im thinking of getting a shamrock tattoo there later. So I guess Im really committed to this shrinking shamrock thing.
TTFN
It all seemed to hit me. I may never eat regular again. I now have surgical scars on a body that had never even been to a hospital. I mean Im having BIG time doubts about this and I can't change back. It's not like ANYTHING Ive ever done before. I had this thing put in. It was my choice, Im the only one to blame. I really did a lot of research before the surgery but nothing could prepare me for how Im feeling. I was really thinking about making myself puke so it would slip and have to be removed.
I really shouldn't be complaining I get a good nights sleep. Ive been sleeping on my stomach since the first night in the hospital. Drinking my 5 meals getting all my protein. Not getting enough water, but whatever. Going on walks with the DH to get exercise. Im not really in pain, just discomfort.
I wish I could be more psyched about this but right now I'm just trudging through the day thinking I've made the worst mistake of my life and pissed at myself for putting my family, body and mind through this.
I know this is not what you guys want to hear but It's how Im feeling. I think Im getting depressed. __________________
UPDATE If you're reading this please know that Im fine and after a few days I wrapped my mind around stuff. I'm doing really well and am happy with my decision. :confused_smile:
I've been indulging in treats of the sweets & booze variety. Plus I've not worked with my trainer for 2 weeks. I had a stupidly huge meal the day after Christmas. The only saving grace was that it was pretty much the only thing I eat that day.
Im actually a bit depressed how easily I have slipped back to my former self. It has been almost a year of changing food habits and trying to create exercise habits and nothing stuck. It is so not true about doing something for a certain amount of time (3 weeks, 3 months ???) and it becomes a (new) habit. I am very fearful that this will be like other attempts. It is only a matter of time before the weight comes back, plus more.
Maybe I should have had my damn stomach stapled.
PS I have also developed a F*%&ing hemorrhoid!!! WONDERFUL
HI all.
Im hearing alot of self bashing going on. Believe me I'm just as hard on myself. I think there is something happening that needs to be looked into. It is a vicious cycle.
Scale stops moving, "I must be a failure".
Didn't exercise for a few days "I must be a failure".
Shouldn't have eaten that cookie "I'm a failure".
Im not at goal "I failed"
I'm a failure so I might as well;
-eat all the other cookies
- just lay in bed
- sit and watch another mind numbing TV show
-look back and beat myself up for all my short comings.
Yep the motivation isn't as strong as when we first started this journey. Im not sure I will ever be that motivated again. But to say I'm a failure is just not correct.
These last few weeks I've been trying to find my MoJo again. When I have a particularity good day I try to see what made it so good. Why did I bounce out of bed, work so hard with my trainer, take the dog for a walk and go to yoga class? Plus I made good food choices. So what gives? Is there a way to bottle this and reproduce it on the days Im just not getting it in gear?
Because when Im at that place where I don't want to move my body or the peanut butter is looking really good willpower is out the door. It is really easy to say F it I'm just not meant to lose another 10lbs (or 1lb).
So Im left to try to acknowledge what works. Really mindfully acknowledge that something is going right. Maybe even write myself notes of encouragement to the sorry self I might be the next day. Focus on the good. We all know what we are bad at. What is hard. Directing your energy to trying to figure out a negative will just keep you in that negative place. So why not find what you're good at and build on that.
Do you work out more consistently with another person? Well make it your business to get a buddy or join a group.
Do you need to make a commitment to something? Do a charity walk where they have training help. Like the Avon 3 Day Walk.
Does telling your story about the band and your decision to get it remind you why you did this in the first place? Than offer to talk at your Drs support group or informational meeting. Be a mentor here on LBT.
Do you do well with a list or goals? Than write a few and support them with an action plan of how you will succeed.
Do you struggle with food choices? Start using The Daily Plate/Calorie King or whatever. Set yourself up with a menu for the next day or the whole week. Make a list before you go shopping, and stick to it.
You get the idea. Find what works. Baby steps. Stop beating yourself up about what you haven't done. Be kind to yourself.
-Since I choose not to have another cookie I feel empowered.
-That walk yesterday really energized me, how can I fit in another one tomorrow?
-I have come so far on my journey and Im still committed to a more healthy lifestyle.
We all slip up. Sometimes for a day sometimes for a few weeks. Main thing is you have it within yourself to make the change. For Gods sake at some point you were motivated enough to get the band. Pat yourself on the back and shout "WooHoo!" Move forward. Tomorrow is a new day.
I think you're doing a great job!!
HI folks
It's hard to put this in writing but it has to happen if I am going to do anything about it.
I was 254 when I was banded March of 08. I hit my lowest of 206 late last summer. I am as of a few minutes ago 251.
My downhill slide started Nov 08. The scale got stuck or bounced up and down. I continued to work with my trainer but my food choices were not good. At my one year (3/09)with the Dr he said he was very impressed (Ha?) and to keep up the good work. Well sadly that did not happen. I had highs- going on a once in a lifetime trip to Alaska June 09 (and lows)only to have my Mom pass away the night before I left. Early summer I went to the Drs office for a fill and was told by the PA "No, go home and work on the diet, the band is working fine". Mid summer my gym closed unexpectedly because of bankruptcy and my prepaid training sessions went with it. Fall 09 saw great stress when my office downsized- BIG time. (my job is still on life support). It doesn't help to have a husband(in great shape) who "loves me no matter what size" and doesn't give me the tough love I've asked for in regards to food choices(junk food in the house, eating out most meals) and exercise habits. I've had to buy new larger size clothes after tossing all the old ones thinking I would never need them again.
I received a letter from my Drs office last week addressed "To Whom It May Concern" that they haven't seen me (ya sure you don't even know my name) in a while and should make a appointment. Now that's cold.
I really want to call and make that appointment but am very afraid.
This band is a blessing and a curse. I've never felt like such a failure before. But without it I probably never would have done 2 triathlons.
I came back here hoping to find some of the support that was so, well, supportive 2 years ago.
I have to remember why I got banded in the first place.
All of my orders have arrived. Kind of like a late Christmas. Now what to do with it all. I started to poke around in the cabinets in the kitchen. I've got a lot of junk. Every flavor of pudding and Jello I like, boxed mac & cheese, six shapes of pasta, a bunch of sauces and marinades that looked good in the store , three boxes of swiss-miss cocoa, a few cans of nuts, and tons of other stuff I would really like to munch/snack on. Every door held another taboo food. This is not good. No matter where I put all my new food (protein drinks) next to it will be something more tasty. It's all got to go.
My husband walked in on me tossing his chocolate covered cashews in the overflowing Hefty bag. Not good. Just because I have no willpower doesn't mean he can't pick a snack out of his kitchen. So I compromised and through out all my old bad stuff, put his stuff back and cleaned out one cabinet for all my new stuff .
I've been working on not drinking with meals and eating at regular intervals (thanks to my nifty new watch). I've having a protein drink each morning for breakfast and sometimes lunch if I 'm really busy. The weather here is quite cold, I'm busy and I haven't been getting any exercise. It's just hard to move this big body around. Differently something I have to work on.
TTFN
Comments are always welcome.
I haven't had a fill in over a year. I wanted one the last time I had an appointment (6/09) but my Dr was out (I've only been filled by my Dr) and I saw the PA. She said after a few questions NO FILL. Go home and work on the diet.
It is now a year later, I've regained A LOT and am now afraid and embarrassed to go see my Dr.
I think I will cry went I see my Dr. I was doing well before the PA shut me down. He was proud of me. She made me feel like there wasn't anything the band could do for me now. It was all up to me. Now Im, well I don't want to say a failure, but gosh what else would I be??
So do I knuckle down and try to again lose by myself or suck it up and go to the DR??
Has anyone else had to suck it up? How did that go?
The same three pounds are on and off. I'm essentially the same weight I was this time last year. I know if I worked harder at it I would have more success. My food choices are for the most part good. Im sure there could be more tweaking but realistically I can't do any better.
Exercise is the hard part. If I could do 3-5 days a week I know I would be a success. I responded well to coaching but I've hit my $$ limit. Personal trainers work but are expensive!! I can not afford to invest any more. I had reduced the sessions to once a week thinking that would stretch out the time I had and hold me accountable. Ha! Even with me paying for him to care I could tell he was losing interest. Today it really hit me because I went to my trainers only to find he is out of business. I had prepaid for my sessions and am now out that $$. I wish I had someone in my life that cared more about my health then I do.
My job is sucky. I do the financial side of the business and can see that the company is sinking. We are downsizing like crazy and moving the office to a smaller location but I think I will need to be looking for another job soon. Which sucks because Im socially close to my boss & his family and that friendship will suffer. Ya more stress.
I gotta say Im feeling like a failure. I used to look in the mirror and think I looked good. Big yes, but good. Now I just see hanging, flabby, rolls of skin.
I am the stereotypical fat person. I complain about the situation but am not willing to actually do the hard work that is necessary.
Not sure why I felt the need to come over here and darken your day. Guess I just needed to unburden. Feeling guilty.
Im doing my part as a good Auntie and telling everyone I know about the calendar my Niece is producing. She is only 17 and all the models are her friends.
Calendar Geeks
Go check it out and if you like it please pass along the link to anyone else you know who would like.
Thanks,
Amanda
I'm down to 4 days now. All week I was just "off" at work. I was occupying space, putting on a good show but really didn't get much done. That will bite me in the butt when I get back because I'm the only one who does what I do. My desk is going to be FULL when I return. I usually am more on the ball when I know I will be out of the office. I have to let that go. My mind can't really focus on anything. I keep shoving down my worries on the band. I've done alot of research on the band and my Dr. I know what I'm getting into. But still. I've never really been sick, never hospitalized. The idea of being told to "stay" just isn't sitting with me. I wish this could have been outpatient. I know some people have had it that way but it's not available around here. I'm freaking out about the catheter, having to take my wedding ring off, about staying overnight, about having an IV in so long. Getting my period, which is not due but everyone says will happen anyways because of stress or the Heparin. I will not wear that gown walking up and down the halls. It's all little stuff, but still...
On top of this a couple we haven't seen in a while invited us to dinner tomorrow night. They don't know and I'm not sure I want to share. Do I go and have soup and say Im babying a bad stomach? If I say no then Im limiting my husbands social life. I don't want him to resent my choice of the band already.
Ok that's enough. I'm going to have a hard enough time getting to sleep already.
I have been very discouraged lately. Second guessing my decision to get the band and wondering if perhaps I should have gotten the bypass.
The scale has not moved down since April 11(not counting the times it has gone up then down, back to the 4/11 weight). I had a fill on May 2, 1 1/2cc in a 4cc band. I have been working out with a trainer and doing the cardio. I have no soft stops, hard stops, BPs, anything. I "could" eat anything I want but manage to eat well most of the time. Although Sunday I had a whole NY bagel for Gods sake, that is not supposed to be possible. I have been journaling foods. Not drinking with or after meals. Its like I don't have the band in at all. Except for the scars and the golfball that is sticking out of my stomach(aka the port).
I have reminded myself of why I chose the band over the bypass- recovery time, malabsorption issues, reversible. But Im starting to think about the bypass in a new light.
Im thinking maybe I should have done some more research. Talked to some more people.
If I had the bypass there is no way a bagel could go down.!!!:thumbup:
I am not happy.
(on the Drs scale I have only lost 9lbs in the first 10 wks after surgery. I lost 5lbs in the first week. Do the math this is not working!!!!:thumbup::cursing::smile2::cursing::cursing: )
I was taking some warm weather clothes down from the attic today. They are in plastic boxes and a bit heavy. I was bracing one on my belly, (like I have always done, nice soft landing zone), when it slid down over my port. OUCH!! Man I thought I scrapped that little bugger off my muscle. I have a bruise now and the port area is tender like when I first got it. Geeze I hope I didn't rip/pull a stitch.
Update on eating/drinking- Im doing great on calories/protein. I could do better on getting my water in. The scale is still going down though.
So for all my bitching lately I lost two pounds this week. It is about time!! I know it is not directly from the band because I've been struggling with portions. I called the Dr and pleaded my case, he moved up the fill by a week. I wish I could get in before 5-30. I don't want to piss him off.
Whatever right. Im rejoicing in the loss.
I've been hanging around, reading posts and journals for a while now. I really respect the folks that are recording their lives here. I don't know how long I will be able to keep this up. I'm not much of a writer and I'm sooo glad there is spell check. But Im going to try. Maybe someone will read something I write and get something from it. I know I've got a lot from the journals I'm currently following.
So here goes:
My name's Amanda. I'm 41, married to a wonderfully supportive guy and have 2 step sons (30 & 31)I'm very close too, and we live in the Northeast. I am the CFO of a small company, so I work at my desk, in my office, all day and it doesn't leave much opportunity to move around during the day.
My weight has been up and down all my life. Mostly up. I'm at my heaviest and not liking myself much lately. My husband and I like to keep busy and we do many sports together (golf, biking, walking, shopping(involves lots of walking!!)) and I love everything to do with the water (kayaking, sailing, fishing, boating, swimming). In 2005 I was on a 3 person team that completed a triathlon. My goal is to do the triathlon again. (UPDATE ON AUG 2, 2008 I COMPLETED MY FIRST SOLO TRIATHLON!!)
I've been looking into the LapBand for about 2 years, ever since my sister-in-law got it. She has since had it removed because it was eroding, but says she would have another put in if she could. About 2 months ago I went to my first information session and consultation with the surgeon. I have since jumped through all the hoops (psych,nutrition,upper GI,pulmonary and cardiac clearance, diet history, blood tests). So far so good. I stopped by the Dr.'s office to see how things were progressing last Friday. They have received all the information and will now submit to insurance. Then they will call with a surgery date. The desk lady said I should be hearing in a week.
So I wait.
I've been working on eating meals without drinking. It does make me feel full faster. I'm going to sign up at the gym after the first of the year. I've lined up with my company to take a week off after my surgery, hopefully in mid January.
A word about the pre-tests. I breezed through the cardio, pulmonary, blood, nutrition and diet history. It was the psych that messed me up. I've had some hard times these past few years. Many deaths (a very dear friend from suicide and all grandparents, a daughter-in-law, my father-in-law and mother-in-law. I guess I'm a bit depressed. This Dr had me thinking I have some real problems and they might get in the way of her passing me for the surgery. I figured I flunked the psych part. Is that possible I asked my husband? Well I didn't hear anything further from her so I guess I didn't flunk. But gees I am an intelligent person that goes to work each day, am very successful, happily married and don't beat my dog. This lady had me doubting myself. I'm just fat, not suicidal! I'm glad I don't have to see her again.
So I wait.
I've decided not to tell most folks about the surgery until it happens or someone asks after. My business and all that. My close friends and family know. I'll need their support.
Well I guess that's it for now. I hope to chronicle as often as possible or when the facts allow.
Comments are welcome and appreciated.
TTFN :cursing:
I have recommitted myself.
I have an exercise focus. I found a Duathlon (Duathlon - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) in my area on Oct 19th.
I'm journaling my food . Got to keep a handle on intake.
I'm seeing the Dr. on the 9/19, possibly for another fill.
Im taking an opportunity to do some volunteer work. Horse therapy. Once a week.
I've stated to donate platelets again.
Yes life is good.
I've been to this place before with friends and said I "never wanted" to do it myself. That was Bull**it. I always thought I was too heavy and they wouldn't let me.
Today I climbed 6 walls more then half way and one to the top. We're talking over 50ft to the top.
It was fantastic!!
Ive started my training for the Triathlon. Feels good to have a focus.
Weight loss stalled. Haven't lost for the last week. I think it is because it has been hot here and I have been reaching for the juice. To many calories.
I've been tired lately too. Perhaps because of the increased exercise. I think I will be hitting the pillow early tonight.
TTFN
Are you on the verge of giving up on your dream?
Are you just about to let all your hopes and dreams slip through your fingers?
Has the thought crossed your mind?
Are you despairing because things are not working out the way you expected?
Are you wondering how you will ever accomplish your goal or even whether you really have what it takes to achieve them?
If you are already feeling the familiar feeling of despair that accompanies the fear that your dreams and hopes might go down the drain: DO NOT GIVE UP! Get up and fight for your dream. Fight for what you believe in.
Here are 8 tips to help you hang on and not give up:
1. Take charge of your life.
When you give up, quit, lose hope or abandon your dream or goal, you give both yourself and other external circumstances permission to sabotage your efforts.
Don't give in to self-defeating, self-sabotaging and dream choking thoughts. No matter how bumpy the ride is, don't abandon your dream. Get on the drivers seat of your life, wear your seat belt and drive to your destination.
It is fatal to enter any war without the will to win it. ~ Douglas MacArthur~
2. Reconnect with your vision.
Before you decide to throw it all away, ask yourself why you had the initial desire to achieve that goal/dream. What compelled and stirred your heart toward that vision? Why was it so important to you? As you reflect on your answers, allow the passion for your vision to give you the strength to carry on.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~ Kahlil Gibran~
3. Focus on your big picture.
When things go wrong, don't betray the plan. Don't let short-term obstacles snuff the life out of your long-term goal. Work on overcoming whatever is momentarily standing in the way of your dream. Bear in mind that achieving the goal is the big picture and not the obstacle in your path to your big picture. Stick to the plan for your life. The race is only over when you reach the finish line. Honor you desire to achieve your goal. Run the race of your life and until you get to the end.
The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. ~Stephen Covey ~
4. Believe in yourself.
Having your hopes dashed can damage your self-confidence. No matter how bad the situation seems, believe in yourself and in your ability to succeed. The fact that you thought about your idea, worked on it and turned it into reality counts for something and is evidence enough that you can do it!
With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
~Thomas Foxwell Buxton ~
5. Persevere
The journey to success is usually filled with many obstacles. Dealing with obstacles aren't only time consuming but can also drain your energy, motivation and drive as you struggle to overcome them.
Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did. ~Newt Gingrich
6. Be resilient.
Resilience is an ability to bounce back and stand on your feet after a hard knock out punch. Simple thoughts such as "I will survive" and "I will try again" are enough to get your hopes high again and to set you rolling and in motion again.
When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown~
7. Change your perspective.
Perhaps you just need to see things from a different perspective in order to understand how you can do it better. You may have to rethink your strategy, revise a few things or be creative.
The saying goes that "It is hard to see the picture when you are in the frame" Perhaps it would help if you got out of the frame and really looked at the Big Picture!
Problems are not stop signs; they are guidelines. ~Robert Schuller~
8. Hang on!
There is no better way of saying this. This quote sums it all up: Hang on! Don't give up! There is surely something in that dream or goal that's worth holding on to. Find it and hang on to it.
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
Whatever it is that you aspire to achieve: Never, ever give up! ~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
by Caroline Jalango
I woke up this morning wondering why, again I lay there like a slug. My mind trying to figure out the motivation question and wasting time. This is a pool morning. I LOVE swimming. Where is my MoJo?
Then I read my Horoscope today:
Why worry about what is holding you back from reaching your goals when there seems to be no way to determine what exactly it is? You're fretting and stressing over a mystery that might never be solved -- and it's a huge waste of your precious energy. So today, just get moving forward and focus more on doing things rather than on all the subliminal stuff that you'll never be able to pin down. You just need to get stuff done.
Happily I did get to the pool and I do feel invigorated.
I just have to stop thinking so much and just get stuff done.
I knew losing weight would mean my skin would become loose. I was not prepared for the resulting sounds that came with it.
I am disgusted by what I hear when I'm working out. The skin of my stomach is slapping against itself. Today my trainer asked if the noise he was hearing was from my knee. Was it popping? I said yes, finished the session and almost ran out of the gym. I was so embarrassed.
I want to cry, but I know exercise is the only was to get rid of the weight.
Today my husband surprised me with a trip to Bermuda. He said that he is so proud of what Im doing that he wants to reward me for all my hard work.
I think it is wonderful because it is four months away and I will be needing a boost by then, and new clothes. What he doesn't know is that all my summer stuff isn't going to fit and I will be needing to shop for stuff to wear. Woo Hoo. Win Win.:thumbs_up:
(edited 4/8)
After thinking about the trip some more,(not that I want to be negative but) it's kind of sneaky, it sounds more like a motivator then a reward. I mean now I really HAVE to stick with this and meet or exceed my goals. He knows I want to look good on those pink sand beaches.:thumbup:
I got my surgery time 10:00. My stomach is all gurglely from the liquid diet.
I'm going to go have a glass of white wine(clear liquid) and listen to the relaxation cd from the complementary medicine program.
Night all.:thumbup:
