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its a new day

Entries in this blog

 

so so sad

:scared2:I guess things are going well because I haven't felt like I need to blog. but today is a day I have feared for a long time. It doesn't have anything to do with the lapband but I feel safe talked here. I have worked side by side with my dad for the last 8 years. I bought his barber shop from him 3 years ago when his health really started failing. He has heart disease, diabetes, no kidney funtion, and I could go on and on. The fact he is still alive is amazing. He is my hero and he is dying before my eyes. His work has been his entire life(other then us). He decided on thursday he can not longer work. I and everyone that knew him knew that he should have quit a long time ago. but he said it would kill him to stop. So today was his last day to work. Now this may sound like a little thing to most people. but a major piece of him just died in front of me today.   I am so sad and upset. I know I just need to pull it together but I also needed to cry. I knew it I wrote about it I would cry. So yes I am currently dripping. My heart is breaking for him and myself. Oh shit.   I am tired and sad, and going home now.
mandyjo

mandyjo

4
 

upset

Ok, so I am not so happy right now. I am trying to take it one day at a time. But my scale keeps going up everyday. I am feeling really desperate. I don't like feeling this way. I am trying to work with my band. I start out good in the morning but by the end of the dayI have messed it all up. I guess if I want this to work I have to choice how I want to live. I should have made this change 13 months ago. I thought I had....
mandyjo

mandyjo

2
 

Good day

Today is a good day. I am thinking about what I want to do!!! I am under my goal of 180 for my birthday. I would really like to be 175 by my mom' bday. March 12..... I am doing atkins to get me on the road again. Otherwise just drinking water.... Nothing wild has "come up yet" so life is good!!!
mandyjo

mandyjo

2
 

just another great day

Saw Dr. Lee yesterday... It went well. We have our meeting tomorrow night at the hospital. I am looking fwd to going. I won't go back to the doc until may. One year has come and gone so fast. It is amasing how different I feel about the summer. My lifes problems are not any different as a smaller person then a larger person. LOL some how I thought it would be simpler. Just different ones......
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

meeting tonight

I am glad we are having a meeting tonight. 2nd one.... I have been struggling with goal weight. I guess it is sillly when my weight struggle is how much to loose. But I am really comfortible where I am at. BUt I know I should loose to my goal. OK... I will start kicking it in to high gear after the meeting tonight. :confused_smile:
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

Setting Small Goals

I WANTED TO BE 175 BY MY MOM'S BDAY. I WAS 176 YESTERDAY. SO PRETTY DARN CLOSE. I WILL TAKE THAT AS A WIN. NOW I WANT TO BE DOWN TO 170 BY APRIL 1. I THINK IF I SET MY SELF SMALL GOALS I WILL NOT FIXATE ON THE "LARGE" NUMBER. SO 170 BY APRIL 1 IS A GOOD GOAL TO HAVE. ALSO WATER WATER WATER.... AND NO SUGAR. I AM HAVING A TOUGH TIME WITH THE SUGAR. SO I AM AWARE OF IT. I THINK WRITING IT DOWN AND KNOWING SOMEONE MIGHT READ IT MAKES ME REALLY THINK ABOUT WHAT I AM DOING.   THE MEETING LAST NIGHT WENT WELL. I REALLY FEEL "NORMAL" KNOWING WE ALL HAVE THE SAME STRUGGLES. THE PEOPLE ARE WONDERFUL. I HAVE SO MANY OPINIONS I HOPE I DON'T DRIVE THEM NUTS. LOL:thumbup:
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

11 months post op

Boy I thought things would be differnt in my life by now. I am a 1/2 beef smaller but my life is the same. Which now that I look at it is a wonderful thing. I am still not using the band the best way I should. That is so totally my personality. But it is all ok. My life in general is great. I can move and enjoy my family. I just can't get past not being able to eat what I want. I know after a year I should "get it". But I can't seem to give up the idea of being able to eat larges amount of food. Or at least what seem to be large amounts of food now. Life is not different if you are smaller. It is how you choose to live it when you are smaller
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

sunday night

next week is going to be crazy... taxes tomorrow and dad to mankato. Work is really busy (good thing). Easter this weekend. I am want to stay focused and on track.... OUt look is good
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

I am so happy

:thumbup:I hit my goal a few weeks ago. Shortly afterward I couldn't keep my food down. I droped 8 more pounds after that. I was feeling faint and light headed alll the time. I thought I could tough it out. I was just thinking it was me, that I was being overly sensitive. Monday I made an appointment and they got me in right away. Doc took out half my fluid in my band. Boy do I feel like a new person. He told me to gain 10 lbs. I about had a heart failure when he said that.... But most of it is water weight. He also said that my body has "struggled for 13 months" to get to my current weight. A month of freedom will be great. It is 3 days later and 4lbs heavier. I am so happy. I still want to gain 4 more lbs. Not hard for me!!! lol it is kinda fun. Then maybe a slight fill.
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

another blog

We had our group meeting last night. There was only 5 of us there. It for me was the best one we have had. I expressed my concerns about going crazy. I was wondering if I needed to be medicated... We have a physcologist that is at the meetings with us. She was saying that the feeling I have are normal. I am redefining who I am. I feel lost so much of the time that I can't concintrate. Or spell for that matter. I am close to goal and am having the hardest time now knowing what I am going to do next. My world is changing and so am I. Learning to "deal" with out wigging out is not an easy skill to master!
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

I have grown

going in to my lapband support group meeting last night I was convinced I was add, adhd, or bipolar. I am not saying that I am not but I understand a few more things. I have never wanted to be the one person that takes over the conversations, but last night I really did. The more I talked the more I realized that a lot of the things that I thought were other people's problems were really my own. I have been upset with people for saying how nice I look. I see a lot of people ina day. I have to be nice. At first it was really nice. By last night I was mad. I was thinking that people never noticed me before why should I get noticed now. I was frankly pissy. As I was talking this all out in group I came to realize that they were happy for me. Also I needed to learn how to deal with people being nice to me. There is nothing wrong with them... I need to learn how to takea compliment. Also I have not been able to keep my mind on one thing for more then 5 mins. And it is getting worse. I am trying to learn how to deal with everyday life. It is not easy. I thought I was fat because of all the major things that have happened in my life. I has been my lack of understanding on how to deal with the day to day things that is really killing me. I think I am growing and realizing the world isn't so bad if i amnot so jaded.
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

+19 lbs

Ok so in my last blog the doc told me to gain 10 pounds. Well since monday a week ago I have gain 19 pounds. I know A LOT of this is water. Now I am so puffy my eyes are even puffy.... I am getting a fill tomorrow. ANy other ideas? WIll I level off?
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

time to f%%&ing grow up

I am realizing that having what I have always wanted is not easy to understand. I have done and am currently doing more and have more than I ever thought I would at this point in my life. I have a wonderful family, daughter, husband and business. The only thing Ihave to learn is how to deal with me. I am a size I have always wanted to be. WOW! Big harry deal. Boy am I self centered. I just need to shutup and enjoy life. I've got "it". Damb well time I started enjoying it.
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

Angie and I team up

Ang is starting a low carb diet. I am going to start to help her. I am going to really watch my carbs for the next few weeks. I seem to get over board.
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

today sucks (bad tude)

I am just having a bad day but it has flooded in to the last month. I have been eating wrong not working out. I am going to start the support group tonight. I really hope that gets me going agian. I love the lap band. I don't like the way I am dealing with issues that I can't eat my way out of. I sure try to. It is like my mind won't flip over to the 'right way" I know what it is and I can do it. I just am struggling. If I stay aware of it I will over come it. I want.. mememe. I guess I need to get out of my own head. I really hope tonight starts me back on the right track.
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

Boy A Difference A Day Can Make

I Went To The Support Group Last Night And I Think It Is Really Going To Make All The Differnce In The World. Everyone Was Really Nice. We Were All Reallly Looking For Something To Dig Our Teach Into. Even The People That Are 10 Months Post Op Were Just Like Me. They Were Doing It But Blindly. Things Seem To Work Out When They Are Really Needed. And In My Case It Was Really Needed. I Didn't Think It Would Make A Lot Of Difference. But Boy Was I Wrong. I Went In With Bad Attitude And Came Out Refreshed And So Excited.
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

major money problems

Everyone has the same problem right now. No one has enough money. We had been fine up until this winter. Now the normal me would be crying and complaining. But I seem to have this strange calm right now. Which is really unlike me. I hope it lasts!!!! I think the lapband has helped me learn to cope with things.
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

me at the start

[ATTACH]3[/ATTACH]   [ATTACH]4[/ATTACH]   Here is where I started. I will post my after in a little while. More like during I am still a while from goal weight.
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

31st birthday

I am 31!!! Whooohooo..... I am amazed at what a year can do. A year ago I was doing my evaluation for the band. Now I am down over 80 pounds and feel and look like a new person. People are so supportive. Even my sister who I thought would be aweful has really come around. She has been really pleasant!!!
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

more rambling

We have our group meeting tonight!!! YAA, It has been a really good few weeks! I am not a scatterbrained!! DOn't get me wrong I still have a lot of times I don't know what I am doing for a second, but it is getting better. I have found the meetings string the weeks together for me. I am seeing the newer people having the same "silly" struggles that I had. The ones where I was mad because someone was nice to me. Even if they had never talked to me before, I seemed to get upset with them. Now I am dealing with people not knowing who I am. lol it is kinds funny.
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
 

keep smiling

Today is friday!!!! It is -6 right now. But the sun is out.... I am looking fwd to the spring, please come soon. My cold is kicking my butt but not my spirit!!!
mandyjo

mandyjo

1
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