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MY EXPERIENCE..FROM THE BEGINNING

Entries in this blog

 

2nd thoughts

my b/f doesnt want me to go through with this. the price for the fee is so much (more than i can afford). i keep thinking i can do so much for $300.00 (its an enrollment fee they charge). im on the fence again. i dont know what to do..im on day 2 of liquids and so damn depressed its killing me. my daughter is crying because in 2 weeks she's turning 13 and she really doenst want me doing this and no matter how i explain it, she s sad....im 240 5'3..not HUGE..but enough to make me sick when i look in the mirror...i have no health issues..other than im fat....this decision is killing me. i dont know if im doing the right thing...
KatrinaD

KatrinaD

5
 

liquids today

I start liquids/protein today.i couldnt sleep...all night i kept tossing and turning..i had all the stuff going through my head last night and whats gonna be coming up..whew...day one..i'm grabbing a shake and hitting the road..going to work   peace
KatrinaD

KatrinaD

3
 

Preop meeting today

I have my preop meeting. It'll be nice to meet some new faces. I start my liquid/proteins tomorrow...i just don't feel like i've shopped enough. All i bought was shakes..eh, i'll get somemore..broth, sugar free jello..i'll have more of an idea once i get there.
KatrinaD

KatrinaD

1
 

No support

I can't explain what it's like to go through this with no support. My 12 soon-to-b 13 year old is worried i'll get skinnier than her..(odd), she (i've mentioned before) is upset i'm doing it a day after her bday (worked around work schedule). The b/f is against surgeries period doesn't think i've tried everything..now i'm second guessing..i know this is what i want. I know my b/f was attracted to me the way i am. Do i risk losing him when i get skinny? Well then he never truly loved me. This will be the real test. I don't have anyone else...it's hard when you dont have support. What do you do?
KatrinaD

KatrinaD

8
 

Getting ready

Well, I have 22 days left....how exciting! yesterday I took my daughter shopping for clothes, and she kept trying to get me to buy new clothes. I was saying nooooooooooo cos i don't plan on being a size 20 much longer!!! CAN I GET AN AMEN!! i can just imagine me in my new little body going: TA DAAAAAAAAA as she was jumping out of the dressing room..I CAN'T WAIT!!! I went to GNC and bought the Atkins Shakes..choco-licious..yummmmmy!! I'm scared to death of the liquid diet but preparing myself...I CAN DO DIS!!..whooo whoo!!!...well........Peace for now all, and lets say a huge prayer for our bro's and sista's out there in hurricane country!!! WE LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU!!!
KatrinaD

KatrinaD

1
 

I have a date!

well, after getting cold feet back in 2/08 when i was supposed to have the surgery, i started the process again. I called bmi surgery and explained to them the details as to what scared me etc. The coordinator was understanding, and said lets get you in for a mini-consult with the doctor. My biggest fear in doing this again was that i would have to be evaluated again. But, i had my consult 8/27 and i don't have to!! Within 24 hours, i received the call from the cordinator and we scheduled everything from the pre-op classes to the surgery. I have no ones support. My daughters are 10 & 12 and they are worried..they of course dont see the big picture. The other part is my parents..they have not responded to my emails..so that to me indicates they aren't willing to even discuss it. Last of all my b/f. We met in feb when i was as fat as i am now and he definitly doesn't want me going through it. But i explained to him, you may come and go in my life but my fat (unless i do something) will always be with me. I'm a bit nervous of the port and how protruding it is. Other than that, i am going to do it. I've told a few girls at work because i dont want to look stupid if i back out again, that way i have a better change of going throught it. good plan eh?
KatrinaD

KatrinaD

3
 

Feel fat and getting fatter

I feel like I'm hungry all the time now. Now remember, I have not been banded yet. It's not psychological, I am not like I was last year when I felt that the closer I got to my appointment, the more I ate because I knew it'd be my last meal so to speak. Maybe I don't want to drop my BMI or something. I love being on this website, and participating on blogs, and chats. I feel that I have something to offer even though I haven't been through it yet...more to come........K
KatrinaD

KatrinaD

1
 

The waiting is a killer

Well, I had a day approved from my job to go to my mini-consultation on 8/22 but it got taken back (management didn't realize someone was already off that day). I had to reschedule for 8/27. This has been nothing but agony. I should never have changed my mind from January. I always look in the mirror and say one day, I wont have to lay down to put my jeans on. One day, I won't have to go shop in the plus size department...one day they wont look at me weird because i'm so fat and my boyfriend is so skinny. I want to cry so many times for feeling like a failure...why did i have to give up that time! I am determined this time to get it done. I hope I dont have to go through all those doctor stuff again.
KatrinaD

KatrinaD

3
 

I got cold feet the first time but...

Hey all, here I am again. Last January or so I was to do the banding. I got nervous. The lady who was to set up my surgery told me she regretted it. I think its different when you read about issues someone may have had..but its something else when someone talks to you and says..i wish i hadn't done it...so, i got scared. But then, I tried watching what I ate..but that ended up watching from my fingers to my mouth (haha)..so the dieting still didnt' work..of course I had tried so many times, it didn't surprise me...   I am ready to go through it again. What changed my mind you ask? well...I think I have found that at my age I ain't getting any younger and that I am sick of looking the way that I am and not being able to do anything about it...I have a mini-consultation with my doctor and hopefully, if all goes well, september is the month to have the banding...   Peace
KatrinaD

KatrinaD

1
 

no go...grrr

Just my luck......i went to my appointment, because I switched from PPO to HMO, They said: do you have your referal? Do you have your new card?? BCBS sent me PPO cards, even though I switched to HMO..I had gone to the doc in 12/07 but under PPO. he happens to be an HMO dr as well. They were supposed to send the referal in January, but failed to do so.   so, I went to my doc's office and said: whats up..they looked, no referal..they acted like they didnt even know who I was. They asked me if I even saw the doc. I had to re-decribe the series of events and make sure they knew what happend. I got my BCBS information, gave it to the nurse and they made the phone calls. Soooooooooo...now, I wait a week for the referal, then make the appoinment for the Lapband doctor (Dr. Joyce). My goal is to have the surgery on or before the 21st of Janurary. I have to rush because I dont have much sick time from work (new job) and I dont want to take off too much of my vacation time. I believe in everything is meant for a reason. Hopefully we can get this accomplished...I think I'll make a big fat chocolate cake to wollow in my depression..lolllllll KIDDING!!!!
KatrinaD

KatrinaD

1
 

The day to schedule

Tomorrow is the date that I go to the doc..and thats when we schedule a day for surgery..but..i've been worried about what if he changes his mind and decides i'm not the right candidate? or what if the insurance declines it? or what if something goes wrong???   i dont have anyone to go through this with me. no family or friends...so i'll make it through..somehow    
KatrinaD

KatrinaD

3
 

what to expect

I know that everyone gets excited with the thought of the weightloss. What happens when its off? Can we live a normal life? Can we still have spaghetti and meatballs? Lobster? steak? Are fills for the rest of our lives? I wish I knew the support groups....are they truly supportive. anyway..i'm starting to get terribly nervous...its the "unknown"
KatrinaD

KatrinaD

1
 

THE BEGINNING

Its difficult going through this alone. I came here last year without knowing anyone, change of job. I made a decision since I came here for a career change, that I would make a "me" change. I don't know......I found myself looking at myself and not liking me one bit. I want to be a good rolemodel for others and thats why i'm doing this...I went through the pre-screenings..January 4th I should know when the surgery will take place. It's hard not to have someone close to you for support; especially being in a new state, new environment. I like the doctor though, hes nice. Lets hope for the best... Greek
KatrinaD

KatrinaD

5
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