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Otherwise known as "Hopeful One Day, Scared Sh*tless The Next

Entries in this blog

 

The Doubts...the Jitters.

I'm really nervous. Reading about the erosions, slips and PB's have made me nervous as there seems to be more on the forum lately.   It makes me wonder if ANYONE can keep this thing in their body for any length of time. :phanvan
NeenBand

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Supportive Family and Mom May Be Sick

I have been researching this surgery for a year, and never told my family because they are usually pretty negative. But they were really supportive! I was shocked!!   But yesterday I found out my mom has a lump in her lymph node in her neck. That's not good. My concern for her has taken the wind out of my sails about my own problems.:cry
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Pre-Op Class Makes Reality Really Sink In

I had my pre-op class today and I have gained 6 lbs. I was told I should lose it as fresh weight gain goes right to the abdomen and takes up the room they need to operate.If there is not enough room for the intruments, they won't do the surgery. Yikes!   Also ran through the possibility of having the tube put in BEFORE you go nto surgery. I would defo panci. I hope they take it out before I wake up too.
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Pain in the Night

I woke up last night with pain where my band is, at the bottom of my esophagus. It feels like a throbbing-squeezing and it hurts. I had to get up and take liquid tylenol. I have to take the stuff every 5 hours. I wonder if this is normal for 9 days post op??   Are you supposed to be able to "feel" your band in there? :mad:
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Medicare, Illness and Parent's Approval

I received a letter from SSDI (again) wanting to go over my illnesses and anything I may have earned. They only gave me 5 days to respond, the customary is 15 days. I am told if you don't respond in time, they can take away all your benefits. Seems they are looking for any, and I mean any excuse to boot me off and so I hope to get this surgery soon.   Speaking of illness, my iron was very low due to fibroid tumors and my lung cpacity is not good right now and my bronchial passagesways inflammed. My doctor thinks it's a combination of my Fibromyalgia, the asthma and the weight making it worse.   I do have health issues that make me a bit more afraid of complications such as infection and phnumonia. I just have the jitters and am voicing that shadow side of my thought process, probably to confront it and purge it so I can get it out of the way all together.   So GP gave me a steroid to get my bronchial tubes open. SHe does not suggest I have the surgery until I do. She also gave me a phnumonia vaccine. She is supportive of my getting this because she says I need it for my health. I'm not feeling well at all.   Interestingly enough, my parents were very supportive of this. I finally told them the other night over dinner, and it took all of 5 minutes. I was suprised.   Then I wonder if the reason my friends and family have so readily been supportive of this surgery is because I'm that bad off?:cry   In any case, we need to get this show on the road, I feel time is of the essence. I'll be calling the surgery co ordinator tomorrow.
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Losing Confidence in Office Staff

:faint:   I keep being told by the staff at my surgeon's office that they don't have the results for tests I have had done.   SO I have had them re-faxed to them TWICE. They still say they don't have them. I finally spoke to someone else today and she says they DO have them. But it seems the surgery coordinator doesn't.   (??!!)   SO I'm thinking I have it all straitened out and today I get int he mail that the recent blood tests they had me do show I am low in B12.   WITH another note saying they have not gotten the test results for this blood work.   YEESH! I had that test done 2 weeks ago, and how would they know I was low in B12 if they didn't get those test results?   I called and left a message saying just that.   All of this is really making me lose confidence in the office staff and am worried about the surgery coodinator having all the facts of why I need this surgery before submitting to insurance.
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Lap Band Dreams?

My surgery is about a week away and I'm really getting nervous, doubting my decision, thinking of the worst scenarios. "Will I be one who erodes?" etc.   I had a dream last night I was banded. I dreamt I was surprised I could lay on my left side with my cat. My cat Sam DEMANDS that I cuddle him with his head on my pillow and I have to be in a spooning position with my arm under him, which requires I lay on my left side. (If I don't do this, he taps on my head with his paw all night until I do)   I also dreamt I drank something at normal speed and THEN remembered I was banded and began to panic, waiting for the PB pain to commence.
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I have a Time...gulp

Doctor's office just called. I am the first patient that day and have to be at the hospital at 5:30. Yikes that is an early call! Which means we will have to get up at 4. I have never gotten up at 4 before in my life.
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I HAVE A SURGERY DATE!

March 13th!!:omg:   I'm excited, but also nervous as hell too!   Couple of things though, this date is tentative because they need the results for certain tests. The surgery coordinator is not getting the faxes of the results that they need. They wanted a barium swallow test and also a copy of a recent endoscopy I had done. I personally faxed over the endoscopy, and the hospital said they faxed over the barium swallow test already. I don't know if it's their office or the staff or what, because I'm getting confirmation that the faxes went through, so I'm not sure how to get them this info.   Also, I have some vitamin deficiencies. Iron and B12, so they need me to get that up.   I could have had my surgery on the 3rd actually, but someone here told me to have it done at Morristown hospital, and not the one they offered me on the 3rd. I told the coordinator that it was recommended I go to Morristown and she didn't say anything, but I hope I didn't offend anyone by that.
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Home From Banding

Well, that was rough. Unlike others I have seen posting their experiences on this site, I did not sail through it. I am amazed and a little jealous of those people who were up and about with no problems.   I'm not feeling well right now, like I have the flu only with stab wounds. And yes, like some others I am wondering "what the hell did I do to myself?!!"   I am without pain meds as I don't react well to them, so I'm in a lot of pain right now.   We arrived at the hospital and I was shaking with nerves. The weather was damp so my asmtha was kicking in, which worried me. I was coughing a lot and had mucas in my throat.   The nurses were great. The hospital has a great staff. I didn't feel the needles going in for the IV prepping etc. They also gave me a shot of heperin in my stomach, which was so smallI didn't even feel it. But what was weird is I could feel it moving into my body.   As 7:30 came closer I began to get more nervous and it hit my bowels, so I was up to the bathroom a few times.   My boyfriend was then allowed to come stay with me until they wheeled me in and as soon as I saw his face, I started to cry.   The anestesiologist came in and then I really knew "this is it", he was a very serious, direct no nonsense guy, obviously taking it very serious, which is good. He was concerned about my coughing and told me the risks involved if I go under. He said overweight people are at risk already, so with this, you have more risk. They were basically asking me if I wanted to go through with the surgery. I have panic disorder, so you can imagine what I was experiencing.   He listened to my lungs, said they sounded good and that they would give me medicine to dry up the mucas (boy he wasn't kidding) and wheeled me in. As we rolled down the hall I started to panic thinking..."there is still time to back out." ANd tears rolled down my cheeks.   I said "wow" when I saw the OR. It looked state of the art. Big screens, etc. I saw two OR nurses with the masks on at a table putting out all the instruments and they waved to me. I waved back but they saw my face and knew I was really scared. I said to the Anestesilogist "If I do this, I'll be okay, right" He said in a direct manner; "I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think you'd be okay. You'll be fine."   They got me on the table and started strapping me in. The anesthesiologist told me he was putting medicine through now and I felt some strong tranqulizer go through. "That's strong stuff". Then he put an oxygen mask over my mouth and told me to breath in deep. Dr. walked in and smiled and I looked at him and said I was so scared. He asked why and I said my asthma was bad and he said"That's why your doing this, so your asmtha and health can get better". I nodded And he took my hand and he said, "We are going to start the anesthesia now, you'll feel burning in your throat. I'll put my finger on your throat so it feels better" SO with one hand he hand his finger on my throat and the other held my hand. I felt the stuff start running through my veins and I looked into the eyes of the the anesthesiologist who looked into mine and then back at Dr. Abkin's. Still holding my hand, his eyes were very kind and they seemed to said "keep looking into my eyes" and that's the last thing I saw.   Then I remember the anesthesiologist voice saying "Your done, Eileen".   Then I remember a post op nurse saying "I need you to breathe Eileen"   Then I remember opening my eyes and seeing myself in recovery and I went out again. I was awakened a few times by the post op nurse telling me I needed to breathe more.   It was hard.   A woman who went in after me with Dr. seemed to recover much faster. She seemed fine. I was still trying to wake up. It took me a long time, and I felt sick. I didn't get released until 4 even though I had been done for awhile because it took me so long. They gave me two doses of anti nausea medicine in recovery because I felt sick. I did gag a few times, but nothing came up.   I felt so badly last night and today that I am thinking if I had a slip or erosion, I don't think I could go through multiple surgeries. I pray to god I am one of the lucky one's who has no issues.   Speaking of praying to God, when left alone for a little bit before surgery, I made my peace with God. You'll think me overly dramatic, but I'll be honest and say due to my history with not doing well with surgery, I thought I might die and was preparing my soul.   I know it sounds melodramatic, but yesterday took a lot of courage for me. I had to dig into my toes to get the courage to do this.Yesterday and the day I put my dog to sleep required the most inner fortitude in my life.
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Gyno and Hydration

I went to my gyno today and told him of my banding. He was very supportive of the band. He was talking about the risks associated with the bypass. He was telling me he was just through with a surgery when one of the other surgeons asked him to assist with a bypass that just came into the ER. Part of his bowel had died. He said witjin 2 hours, that man would have died.   But he said what was even more serious is the state of the re-routing, they could not figure out how to get the bowel stiched back so everything flowed in it's natural direction because it was such a mess in there. He said the surgeon he assisted was the best on staff too. (He was not the surgeon who did the bypass) He also said it sometimes doesn't matter how good your surgeon is, it's such a serious surgery the body may just not take to it. ANd he mentioned most seem to gain weight back even after all of that.   He was so supportive though, telling me how extra weight can cause Uterine cancer and how, and that maybe once my weight is down, I can go back on BC pills.     STill having gas pains, this time in my lower left bowel as well as my shoulder. Ouch. Hurts to cough.   I'm also having trouble keeping hydrated. I distend my sstomach trying to get the water in. My urine was very very yellow today.
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Good Lord..My Esophagus Hurts

Saw the surgeon yesterday about the throbbing and squeezing in my band area and he said it would take time for my body to get used to it. In the mean time my esophagus is really having a hard time. It's painful. I hope this goes away soon. :cry
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Feeling Unwell

Hi everyone.   I've been really unwell lately. I have some medical conditions besides the obesity and the problems with it. I have asthma, PCOS, GERD, Epstien Barr (chronic fatigue syndrome) costocondritis and Fibromyalgia.   I wish I had this operation last year before I started feeling so sick. Lately, I have been so ill I am am afraid to exert myself at all because I can't breath.   I'm doing this to feel well again, to hell with buying clothes (although that is an added bonus)   Back in May of 1998 I had my first "asthma attack". I woke up wheezing one morning, went to the hospital, but the time I got there, I was feeling better. They figured I had it seasonally due to allergies, gave me an inhaler and that was it. I hardly used it over the years, just when I was around cigarette smoke or pollen.       Fast foward a few years and now I have Fibrimyalgia which developed into something called Costocondtitis. The tissue in the ribs is inflammed which constricts the lungs. Coupled with the fact I put on quite a bit of weight, I have bad asthma now.   But lately it has been worse, my chest feeling tight and coughing on a deep exhale. Especially in the mornings. I'm not sure what is going on during the night, because I wake in the mornings feeling pretty lousy.   I went to the doctor the other day and she said my breath is sounding slow on the exhale and gave me Aerobid inhaler.   I'm getting scared and wondering if I will be okay through the surgery.I want to get better, I don't want this! I'm hoping with the weight loss program, I'm hoping it will lessen or dissapear with the weight loss.   My BMI is lower than some, but that just goes to show you how different we are. My body can't tolerate being 230lbs. Today I woke up again, feeling ill, and just got in the shower and sat there, letting it pour down on me. For some reason, that always makes me feel better.
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Couldn't Sleep

I couldn't sleep last night. I am so worried about the surgery. It's more so the after of the surgery worrying me. I am going through a bad flare of fibromyalgia and asmtha right now, so I am worried how my body will react to the surgery.   I'm so worried I will not heal right or my lungs will have such a rough time I will end up in serious condition..   So worried.:help:
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Confessions of a Nervous Bander

*~Otherwise known as "Hopeful One Day, Scared The Next"~* :hungry:   Reading through erosion posts, pictures of infections, stories of slippage and removals, I sally forth to my meeting with the Psych doc and nutritionist, with what amounts to this month's rent money in hand to pay for this visit.   I don't take this surgery lightly. I was actually able to have this done by a different surgeon back in the Fall. But I needed more time to make sure I was doing the right thing. Let's be honest, going under the knife to be able to lose weight is a huge step, and a serious one.   I went to a support group meeting of this other surgeon and I was shocked at how quickly and without real research these people went and had this done. I was asking questions that we discuss here in the meeting none of them had a clue about. That shocked me. I guess for some the promise of being thin is enough.   Not me.     Yes, I am terrified of the actual surgery, going under anesthesia. (will I be that 1 in 1000 that won't wake up?) but my fears center more on what is going to happen after the surgery.   Will I heal? Will I become infected? Will I get pneumonia? Will it be freaky because there is a freaking device wrapped around my stomach? Will I become dehydrated?   And farther out: Will I pass out from PBing? Will I have terrible pain in my chest like some people? Will I erode? Will complications from erosion in my stomach kill me?     Emotional: Will I enjoy life without my food? Will I ever be able to enjoy food again? What will life be like without being able to just drink and eat whenever and however like before? What will I do with my time without it being centered on eating and cooking? What will I do with my thoughts and emotions that can't be comforted with food anymore??   So, my first hour is with the nutritionist. I am completely overwhelmed and set on edge by this meeting. If the seriousness of this surgery didn't hit me before, then it did now. I am a vegetarian, so getting protein is going to be paramount. The fact that I will have to be on a low carb diet was not what I expected. As a vegetarian, I eat carbs in beans, whole grains, etc. From the food choices I have, it seemed to me that food enjoyment is really going to be out the window. Yogurt, cottage cheese, tofu, protein drinks. And water. That will be my diet. I was prepared for a change, but not this drastic.   What unsettled me the most was the water bit. I can hold off drinking at meals, but I guzzle water. ALL DAY. I used to be very athletic and I drank and still drink over a gallon of water a day. And I chug it.   When I don't get my gallon in, I feel dehydrated and can actually feel sick. SO this is a real concern for me. I just don't see how I can keep up the levels my body is used to all these years with a sip, sip ,sip sip all day.   So coupled with all that I have written above, and the fact that now I am just waiting on a surgery date has me up at night.   Am I doing the right thing? Will I be doing my body more harm than being fat if something goes wrong?   Anxiety and fear is riding me out. But every once in a while during the day I'll see a woman who is slim and I think "I can be that now. I actually have a chance at achieving that" or see an ad for travel and think "I can vacation now and not be miserable that I am so fat"   But most of all this is about getting healthy again. I can feel my body struggling and getting sick with this weight on, and I'm only going to get bigger because I am a food junkie and I have PCOS.   To be continued.....
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Bad Acid

I just got off the phone with the nurse. They want me to try stronger antacids before doing an endoscopy and all that sort of thing to see why I am having these problems.   She asked me "Didn't they tell you your GERD could become worse after banding?" and I said "No, they told me it would get better."   I thought the acid reflux woukld get better with weight loss.:think   I have a history of GERD and Barretts esophagus is not something I want to get from this Lap Band
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2 Week Countdown-Nervous!!!

I am so nervous!!   My breathing and asthma is really bad right now, so I am so nervous I will have a problem. Last night my boyfriend said I was snoring pretty badly and kept waking myself up. I wake up feeling pretty lousy.   I was reading on obesityhelp about a guy who's lungs were not breathing right from the surgery and they had to put him on a breathing machine and sedate him because he paniced and tried to pull out the tubes. He woke up 3 days later and had no idea what happened.   I am also nervous because I have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue (Epstein Barr) which are considered auto-immune diseases. I'm wondering if I will be one of the ones here who are always in pain or having a problem with the band.My doctor took my medical history, so he knows about it and didn't say anything other than banding would help my symptoms.I was on another board and people with Fibro all said the lap band helped them, so that's a relief. This weight is killing me. I'd do with a some twinges, pangs and dings to get myself healthier if I have to, but I sure hope that won't be the case.
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