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Just Thoughts

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Take Time

It has been a long time. so much has happened and I have not even been able to keep track of it all. I did not get to celebrate any of the mile stones I made. Like being on a plan and nothaving to ask for an extender for my seat belt! That was a long time ago! since then I fell and fractured my leg and in a cast. I have been eating like I was never banded and even when it hurts I just keep on eating. My emotional self is completely out of wack and I am not sure what the hell to do. Yes I am feeling really sory for myself and letting those feeling take over. I just hate what is happening and how I am just going backwards. I am feeling very much like a failure and hate this feeling.   Okay let'splan to do one thing differently starting now. Everyone says that if you write down what you eat it helps. I have never given that a real try and will try now. Please help your self or no one else can!
Mscas3

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Feeling Good

My post surgery appointment went well. I seem to have leveled off with the weight lost since I introduce solid foods. I am eating less and very careful about what I eat. Sometimes old habbits just slip in. I have something in my mouth before I realize it. I did better and just have to work on that and only eat when my body tells me it is time to eat. I also have to start exercising. I find that the hardest thing to do given my hair and life style. It would is the only way I am going to make this a permenant lost and change in life style. Food is still a focus point of my life.
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Patterns

It has been an interesting two weeks. I have lost 11 pounds since the band and that feels good. I am a little worried because the urge to eat has returned and I am not sure I have changed any real behaviors in this area. I want this to work because of some of the controls I put into place as well as the tool the band provides! I am thinking about food more than before and that scares me alittle. I ate more this weekend than I did since the surgery. I know a fill will bring back the restrictions feeling I am not sure I felt. I have to include some excercise with this new band. I don't and can't have this be a failure. For Christ sake I had surgery not just a 13 week fast.   I have to get my emotions around doing what I need to do to lose this weight. This is my last chance and I can do it!
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I Really Did It!

Well October 30th has come and gone. I did it! It was not as bad as I thought it would be. In fact it was pretty easy. The folks at the hospital were great and very supportive. I met two people who also had simalar procedures on the same day. I am still a little sore and wish I did not have to return to work and could really concentrate on me a little more. I am not sure how I will tackle all the eating events to come this week. I am not interested in feeling bad or sick. I kinda miss food and not sure what I can or can not eat yet. I have been taking it very slow and have not introduced any real food. I lost 6lbs in one week. That was pretty incredible. I did tell Carolyn and feel good about that. I still can;t tell my mother and I am not sure what that is all about. I guess I don;t want to deal with how much she really had to do with me making the choice to move forward. She is a greater influence in my adult life than I think she realizes. Jerry has been great and really supportive. I think he looks forward to me feeling and looking better. I am still emotionally confused and not sure what that is all about. I know it will get better and normal will be what I get used to!:confused:
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I'm still here!

The date is getting closer and closer. I still have some issues saying no to food and having a hard time doing the liquid diet. I think I am ready for this, I want to look and feel different about me. I want to also be attractive to me and then to others as well. I'm still too embarassed to tell folks what I am doing so I make up stories. But that is not a big issue right now. I am not sure if it is my fear of failure or just "I should have been able to do this" without the band. Either way I am doing this! I do need however someone to talk with and this journal writing is helping with meeting that need. :bandit
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One day at a time

I had my appointment and I am ready for this. I even had a great day yesterday in my pre-op diet. Today I was not able to say no to lunch and then just had a day of eating. I did shop for the things that will help me tomorrow. I have a lunch date with a friend and will have to hold ot making that my only meal and continue with the day with the liquids and protien drinks and bars.   I think I am feeling better about this. I am still trying to decide who I should tell and who I should not tell. I want to tell some because I need thier support. I also am not sure if they will understand my decision and can offer me real support. I guess the real support is not during the surgery but after and trying to controll better what I eat and don't eat.   I do want to be healthier and look better. It is okay to aks for what you need and I need greater support in my struggle to lose weight. This will help me and I am proud of the decision I made:whoo:
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Great Day

Feeling better and better about my decision. I will begin my two diet on tuesday. I have made many friends on the site and the support is really helping me through. My emotions are still a little rocky but less scared and a little more excitment.   I have to read my packet and do my shopping and decide how and who I am going to tell about this. I'll give Pat a call to let her know how I am doing. I also have to tell the boys.   Oh well at least I am feeling better today :car:
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Getting Closer

Busy day and did not have time to think about what will happen in 20 days! I have my pre op appointment on Monday and am looking foreard to learning more about what will happen. The site has really helped in lettingme think about what to expect. I really need to try out different protien drinks and think about the shopping I must do for my liquid stage. I plan on making a big pot of chicken broth so I will have that handy. I feeling better but still a little nervous about this procedure.   My goal is to attend my son's graduation and look fabulous! June 2009 watch out!:biggrin1:
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Step by Step

I guess I am getting ready for the big day. I am not sure if I want to have the last supper or practice now for the journey. I have at least begun to think about eating slowly and sipping. The site has been very helpful giving me an honest picture of what to expect. I hate the idea of "spit up" and hope I can avoid that all together. Food has been so many htings to me the last 20 years. I have to find something to replace food. I also need to do some excersie so I can really make this work for me. I know I will feel better and learn to live with my choice. and be healthier than I am now!
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A Day Closer to Oct. 30th

Just 27 days to go! Being part of this site has helped me get ready and get a real dose of reality. I am looking forward to this new life change but still I feel scared and nervous. I have tried them all and just don't like me this way.   I am worried about what I will and will not say to friends. I have told one friend who I knew would support me but find it difficult to tell others. I am trying the protien drinks and trying to find the one that will work post surgery.   Little by little and day by day :clap2:I am getting ready for Oct. 30th.
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Can I Really Do This?

Not sure how I got to this point! I thought I could do this with out the surgery but after years of trying I guess I can't. Need to do this so I can be healthyier and live a better life. I guess it is really getting a new lease on life.This takes more courage than a lot of things I do. I am scared and a little ashamed. Many emotions! Even a few tears.
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