I'm gathering a positive attitude. I've gotten so much taken care of, I'm off the steroids, I'm only on the necessary medications now. I feel a sense of relief knowing that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. My doctor has submitted for my approval for the surgery. Waiting on the insurance company now. After that, I get referred to the surgeon. I'm excited to get this going. I don't want to get my hopes up too far, but my BMI is high enough that I should be able to just go have the surgery done (never thought I'd be happy to have a high BMI). I wasn't going to have the surgery done locally because I live in a small town and there are a lot of nosey people around here. But I'm going to. Unfortunately, they don't do the surgery outpatient here yet. Though I might ask for it to be. We'll see. For as heavy and unhealthy as I am, I'm still pretty agile and strong. I don't have issues with breathing, no real co-morbities other than the ones my medications caused. I'm looking forward to this. To getting my life back. To strapping on a pair of running shoes and actually running again. I even bought a new pair. They're waiting for me.
i'm starting over with my journey to have this surgery done. I thought maybe I could do it without -but I'm so heavy now, I don't even know where to start. I'm so lost in a sea of fat, that I can't find my way out by myself. I'm angry. At myself, at the insurance company, at doctors, at the people that screwed up the first time around and I wasn't able to have the surgery...but its a new day and I'm setting that anger into action to get things done better this time. I have a new insurance company (I have 2 of them, in fact!) So one way or another, I'm going to get my life back. It wasn't that long ago that I was happy and healthy. I need to be that person again.
I got an email from my doctor yesterday - she has submitted to my insurance company for my approval. Now I'm just waiting to hear what the decision is. I can't imagine that I'd be denied. My BMI by the insurance company scale is 54.9, which hopefully will be considered 55 (never thought I'd be happy about that) - just means I can go right to surgery.
Not feeling well today. I've got issues with my adrenal glands going bonkers - and today is one of those days. I'm having a physical anxiety attack - which means that while I don't have the mental activity of an anxiety attack, my body still goes through all those feelings. Today is worse than most days that this has happened. I also have been fighting off a bug of some sort that seems to be winning. So putting both of those together does not make for a very pleasant feeling.
Still hoping to hear from the surgeon's office today.
In just 5 days I'll be meeting with another surgical office regarding my surgery. I'm hoping the, what I not-so-affectionately-refer-to-as "the plague" is gone by then. I popped in to my PCP today and she said its definitely viral and had to run its course. She gave me some stuff to help manage the symptoms. I've already had this for about 5 days. If I don't start to turn the corner by Wednesday AM, I'll insist on an antibiotic, because it'll obviously not be viral if its taking that long. In just 10 days, I have my surgical consult here with Dr. Kam. Its movin' and shakin! I weighed in at the doctor's office today - had my shoes on this time so that's a couple pounds and I'm very very bloaty from TOM but the scale read up 8.5 lbs. But its nothing for me to even bloat that much. I'll check again soon tho. I shouldn't have actually gained anything that isn't TOM related.
The doctor has changed my medications - I'm getting off the steroids as soon as possible (I have to be weaned) - Things aren't going that well with my treatments, but hopefully this changeup does some good. This will be the defining factor as to whether or not I go ahead with the surgery.
So again, no call from the Surgery Center - was supposed to have gotten a call either Thursday or Friday - but nothing....I'll call today on my lunch to see what's going on. I'm so not a big fan of waiting.
Grrr! They're not open today! First they had a message on their phone that said they were having a staff meeting and would open back up at 1 - THEN after that, the message changed to in-house training and they wouldn't be available today. *flail* Ok - tomorrow I call!
I hope their in-house training included learning how to call when they say they're going to! haha!
I'm so very tired. I'm ill right now, so that doesn't help - but it makes the reality of actually having health again seem attainable. Just as I'll get over this cold/flu/infection, I'll recover from the health issues that my weight has caused me. Just like I'm on a daily basis recovering from the horrible poisoning that my body endured from the toxic metals. I know that I can do this. While I've been too sick to do much more than drag my butt out of bed and slump into the chair in my office all week (hey - I made it TO work, what more do they want from me? lol) I haven't gotten to that exercise I do really long for. I wanted to start slow - and I will - as soon as I can move without feeling dizzy and nauseous :ohmy: My doctor said it was just "the crud" - midwestern for "whatever's going around at the time". Codeine for the cough, ibuprofein for the irritation in the throat, OTC cold/sinus meds and sleep. lots of sleep. I like the codeine - makes the cough stop for the most part. I get some sleep. It makes me all fuzzy tho so hard to take during the day and be productive heh.