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About this blog

My general musings on Weight Loss and Weight Loss Surgery and finding out who I am on the road to WLS. I have a lot of befores and more or less, trying to achieve the afters. 

 

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Entries in this blog

 

Goal Weights

So, today I changed my goal weight to 10 lbs higher than it was before. But ,I honestly don't know what my goal weight should be. If I base it off the BMI scale it should be between 125lbs and 140lbs based on my height and frame. The lowest recorded weight in my adult years after losing weight from being over 200lbs was 168lbs. I was still very overweight, people who weren't use to me being thin thought I was skinny- but I wasn't. I was just smaller than what they were use to seeing on me. I added the 10lbs because 125lbs I realize is my fantasy weight and I'm only thinking of it without the added weight of the muscle I want to eventually build. So maybe 135lbs is a good weight for me to look and feel how I want?     Ok, so here is what I am going for: I don't want to be fat. I want to be light and unbothered by possibly being overweight if I gain 10lbs. I don't want to be on the high end of my weight scale. I prefer to be on the lower end. I'm not looking to be boobalicious, bootylicious, or anything. I will lift weights and stair master the hell out of my body to get the muscular fit look I want. I also do not want to be sickly looking. As of now I don't even know how to count my success at my surgery. I am 22 days post op and down almost 20lbs... almost. I was 219.8 on the day of surgery and as of today on a (hopefully accurate) Sunbeam analog home scale I weighed 201.5lbs. I don't know if I am properly doing my puree stage. I eat mozzarella string cheese rolled up with prosciutto because it makes me feel better. I wasn't feeling good at all with just broths and soups. So I think I might've advanced myself. My surgeon said it was okay and everyone is different so I don't know why I keep comparing myself to others. I think its because I feel I'm overeating. Although I'm counting my protein, calories, etc on Myfitnesspal;  I barely reach 1000 calories in a day, but I'm so used to feeling stuffed by overeating and thats how it feels when I stuff my pouch with protein and or water. I haven't figured out my pouch ounce gauge and I tend to drink liquids to excess, as if I can. Ugh....I need work on this- I know. Portion size estimation is my weakness and I now know this. I have to now measure everything, but I keep forgetting when taking up my food. Thankfully I have a follow up NUT appointment soon to discuss these issues I'm having regarding portion size. I will also discuss goal weight with my surgeon or nurse practitioner so I can have a semi clearly defined goal for myself. This is more soul searching than I thought it would be. Thank goodness I have a bariatric therapist to discuss these things with too.    So now I'm curious to know,  what is your goal weight and how did you come by that number? How did you figure out your push gauge in the first month? Did it feel like you were overeating although you were barely eating anything? I really do hope someone reads this and chimes in, because this is something I'm curious about.       Till then....
120Cassy

120Cassy

0
 

Thinking and Waiting on After

I have been thinking (more so daydreaming) about the after results of my upcoming weight loss surgery. I am currently in the paperwork process to be approved. It may be due to my over-planning, but I can't help but wonder if I'll have a lot or minimal extra skin? How much will I change when I no longer am burdened by my weight? Due to these constant questions repeating in my head, I decided to do some research on the subjects. I know that genetics and age play a part in skin elasticity, but I wanted to be sure. What is extra skin? What is the real cause of it? and How do I combat it? Skin in general is an organ. It has the ability to grow and to shrink. Although as you age you can lose elasticity; I found you can replenish your collagen with 1: diet and 2: good hygiene (such as moisturizing your skin with natural products). In my opinion this seems like a win. The cause of excess skin after extreme weight loss is due to the elasticity needing time to adjust. I found out that this can take up to or a little over two years. It seems like a long time, but I may be willing to bide my time to prevent going under the knife to have skin removal surgery; in the event that I may need it. However, what really was an interesting find was that the loose skin most people are concerned with is actually not just skin; It is in actuality skin with a lot of leftover fat underneath it also known as subcutaneous fat. In order to actually see what loose skin is, or how much you have, you would have to burn this fat off. Hmmm...interesting. So, apparently the loose skin would be a thin layer like grabbing the skin on the back of your hand versus grabbing the underarm flap which most people see as extra skin but is actually leftover fat.  I get it now. So I guess my goal would be to get to extra skin by lifting weights and hope my skin bounces back.   My plan is to get a personal trainer once I heal up after surgery. I want to make sure I maximize my potential. I have always wanted to be one of those fit people. I work out sporadically and oftentimes regularly (confusing I know). The best explanation is that at times I become defeated when the scale doesn't move enough with all the hard work I do. I know now that it's due to my eating habits and lack of sleep.  I want to find joy in physical activity without feeling weighed down and tired due to my weight on my frame. I look forward to riding my bike regularly, rollerskating without fear of falling (due to locked knees holding up my frame), running, and yoga- definitely yoga. I've never been a thin adult, and I cannot even imagine what my life has in store for me post surgery.  Honestly I cannot wait till after. I'm sure most of us can't either. Who will I be if I am no longer the fat girl? I've become so accustomed to what and who I am, if this is no longer in the way; what will I do with myself? Will I start doing solo activities again like I did at one time; after losing 51 pounds? I'm hoping I feel normal again. For the past few years I have had some deterioration of my health and have been feeling it. Will this change or will I forever feel this way? Being comfortable in my own skin is something I dare to dream.  I am waiting on forever after. I get it now. :-)
120Cassy

120Cassy

0
 

The Shape...of all things.

Sooo, I've never been a thin adult. I've been a thin child. I've even lost weight as an adult from working out five days a week and barely eating; and was still considered 40 pounds overweight according to my doctor at the time. Such a let down, because I lost 51 lbs and instead of a congratulations based on my chart comparisons of weight change; I received a "Wow, you're very overweight. You need to lose 40 lbs". Suffice it to say I didn't lose much after that, and not on purpose. I just kept fluctuating up and down until I just started fluctuating steadily in the wrong direction.    Although I haven't gotten the surgery yet, because i'm still finalizing the documents for  insurance approval. God willing,  I'm expecting a surgery date in July. I wrote this blog post to put a particular question out in the universe. People are known (such as bodybuilders) for shaping their bodies into whatever they choose.  However, if you've never been a normal weight adult and are losing weight; how can you determine what your natural shape is? I want to help guide myself to have a fit life and a fit body, but am a little afraid that I'll be disappointed with my natural body shape. Suffice it to say my round shape is not any better.  I always had an idea of what I thought I would look like if I never gained weight. For instance I would imagine my shape would be similar to Shinghai Shoniwa of the Noisettes:    This all could be wishful thinking. It could be all part of my vision of an ideal. In truth I may not even have her frame. I have no idea....not a clue. I post these imaginings because I want to know if it's possible to shape your body into what you want truly want or think you should look like? Now to make a disclaimer:  I know some people may question the motivations behind this question. I need you to know that I'm looking to be healthy definitely, but I also want to be fit. I'm not looking to be just a thin person. I'm using this surgery as a tool to start an actual fit life and to actually achieve that goal. So as a writer and an artist I use visual cues to help me see my ultimate goal. I've been struggling for some time to maintain a lower weight, and I never snub exercise. So, like a kid contemplating on an imagined trip to Disney World; I can't help but calculate how to achieve what I see as my true fit self. I've never been at my ideal weight based on my height and frame - ever. Not even as a teenager. So when I see an image of someone I think I may be similar to in height and frame, my artist brain can't help but dream.    Do you have an image of what you think you should look like or think your shape is like? 
120Cassy

120Cassy

1
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