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Why arent you losing weight the way you want to be losing weight?

I pondered this question last night, whist I was sitting on my couch, enjoying a TV dinner, and recovering from being punched in the port by a 5 year old cousin of mine (accidentally, she didnt know what she was doing, but GEEZ it hurt).   Nothing tastes as good as thin feels...   mmm, this is interesting.   Food, in itsself to me, is instant gratification. I like it, it makes me feel better. It makes me feel even better when I can get a smoke after eating a nice big portion of food. I enjoy it. Theres a certain amount of satisifaction to it.   Okay, so now I have my band, and I cant eat nearly as much, but I like the feeling of being full, its like saftey to me. It makes me feel comfortable.   Last year, when I was in the process of having my surgery, I would have figured that by this time, I would be done, I would have lost the weight that I needed to lose, I was totally committed.   The problem is that I didnt bother to think about the reprecussions of losing something that was so important to me.   Food is very important to me. Its sort of ridicilous how important it is. I didnt think, Gosh, you arent going to have a coping mechanism anymore, you arent going to have something to help you erase the sins of the day. All I thought was that I will have this surgery, and everything will be better.   It was a very young thought process. No foresight, at all.   Well, now, here I am, dealing with these emotional issues. Its hard. But I realized two things.   Number one, without a plan, Angelica WILL fail. Without little meals to take to work with me, I will end up in the vending machine when I get hungry.   Two, if you dont move your body, you cant shake the weight off. DUH. Look, I will admit right now that I havent been consistent in my weight loss. I know its because I found ways to eat around the band when I want too, and its because I havent really committed to my exercise program.   That stops today.   Its time to be a grown woman, and face the issues in my life head on.   This wishy washy bullshit stops today.   -A   :thumbs_up:
Angelica

Angelica

1
 

Walk hard.

Laci: there are two directions we can walk each day....one is toward our goals and dreams....we may tire, we may falter, we may even crumple in the dust....   Our success is not measured by how many times we fall but how many times we arise and take another step toward the Light....   We can choose our path....or it will be chosen for us;   we can act in our own interests....or we can remain trapped by forces that hold us prisoner;   we can move ourselves by discipline or we can be imprisoned by our old habits.   The energy we lose bemoaning our fate can be better used to move us yet another step in our journey.   Which do you choose?   Jack posted the above message to a woman who was struggling because she seems to have lost her wind.   Jack is one smart mofo.   Its all a personal choice, isnt it? Its all about if youre willing and able to focus and if you truly want to change who you are.   I have said to my bestie ray a few times, you know dude, if I had had the gastric bypass, it would have been much quicker, and much easier. Then I remembered why I had the lapband in the first place. I didnt want easy, I wanted to OVERCOME. I needed help slaying the beast of the fatness.   I have gone from eating 10000 calories a day (believe it or not) to eating 1200-1500. I have gone from eating out every single day, sometimes two or three times a day, to cooking my own food (imagine that). I have gone from sitting down all day long, and being exausted, to walking around the building I work in (circle it twice and its a mile, I try to circle it 6 times a day), plus doing a work out tape in the morning.   I have gone from not giving a shit about my apperance to actually caring, to painting my nails, and doing my hair, and taking care of myself in a way that I was almost embarrassed to do when I wasnt doing anything about my weight.   Look, my weight loss has been slow, and it doesnt take a genius to figure out how to eat around the band, but it takes a helluva lot of will power to stay on track. Sometimes I stumble, sometimes I falter, but my LIFE is changing.   I'm proud of MYself and this is causing a huge shift in my life, in the way I carry myself, in the way I generally feel about the world. I wake up in a better mood, smile more often, I dont always 'look mad' anymore.   My band is the best decision I have ever made, and its been difficult, but I would do it again a million times over.   Now then, speaking of cooking, I made a sort of low carb something last night, and its really really good.   Okay, so I got 3 chicken breasts, threw them on the foreman, a decent sized can of green chilie, 2 tomatos, and about a half a cup of onions.   I have this new awesome little vegetable chopper, I dont have to cry when I want to use onions anymore, and it minces it up really finely.   So after the chicken breast were done on the foreman, I threw the can of green chilie, some cheese, the tomatos, the onions and the chunked up chicken in a glass baking dish and put that in the oven for about an hour.   That stuff is SO GOOD.   HA. Angelica, master chef.   -A   :thumbs_up:
Angelica

Angelica

1
 

When I thought I was gonna go CRAZY

And now my grandmama aint the only girl calling me BABBBY.   I love that song, I have had it stuck in my mind, this IS the good life.   I have started eating a little differently lately. My days normally go like this - Crab meat for breakfast, I know this is wierd, but its tasty, and its high in protein, LOW in calories.   Then I like to follow it up with a cottage cheese snack mid moring, a peice of fruit near lunchish. The fruit normally stays in the band longer that the crab meat or the cottage cheese, which is fine by me. Then after work, I normally have some chicken, or fish, with veggies.   I am happy, my body is starting to change again, I am living on my own, making changes. My friends and I have this saying, big shit poppin, and little shit stoppin. This makes so much sense to me. Why would I let myself be tempted by a taste, a tiny little pleasure when I can OVERALL be much happier? I dont want to hate myself anymore, I dont want to punish myself anymore. I just want to be happy. I want to rise above all the petty bs in my life, all the drama and the waterworks, and exist, be, express.   All the sudden, being Angelica is pretty awesome. I've never felt this way before about myself. I'm too good for bad food, I am too good to not keep up with myself and work out, I cant let myself waste away on a couch.   I have been contemplating making the decision of not dating until I lose my weight, and get alot closer to goal. I just am starting to think that maybe it would be the best thing to focus only on myself for a while. At the same time, I am LONELY. I dont really know how to reconcile the two feelings.   -A :thumbup:
Angelica

Angelica

1
 

awessommmmeee

This is probably not a big deal to anyone but me.   Okay, so my entire life, basically, I've been a fuck up. I have made bad decisions, and done stupid things, and I am now 26. I havent been licensed to drive a car since I was 17, and had said license revoked.   Its been nine years, and finally, I got up the gumpton, and took the stupid test, and I finally passed. I am offically licensed to drive in the state of texas.   This is exciting to me. It means release from a whole lotta shit, it means (as soon as I can get a car) that I will be completely independent. I dont expect anyone to purchase me a car, but I think that I might be able to get a little help.   In any case, its a huge personal acomplishment for me, and I am really excited about how this is going to change my life. All the sudden, things that were so difficult before, dont seem that way anymore. I dont have to worry about scheduling a ride to a gym, I can just go to the gym, I dont have to worry about going to the grocery store, I mean, the smallest things, are going to be so much easier now. I am very excited.   -A   :thumbup:
Angelica

Angelica

1
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