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Chemical Imbalance

So, a wobbler.. Whats a wobbler, a wobbler is when Angelica loses her mind, and sort of falls into a world of HIGH anxiety and depression.   I guess most people would call this a fat day?   Lets break it down like this, I have lost about 5-7 lbs for every month that I have had the band (today is my 6 month anniversay, btw)   Okay, so 30-35 lbs. In 6 months.. I am TRYING to be patient. I have gotten my fills, but I havent eaten the correct foods, I havent eaten the correct portions. I havent been exercizing like I know that I should. I have been sort of trying to skirt out of the fact that I have a band.   Since the last fill, under floro, thats not so much an option anymore, either it goes down, or it comes up, I'm adjusting to learning to eat small amounts, and chewing the shit out of everything. I feel like I am losing weight, but I dont own a scale, and the tape measure that i keep in my bathroom aint reading any different from last week.   Frustrated.   I mean, I get it, I am not doing the right things, this is MY fault. I dont run like I should, I have to eat well now, but thats just because its a physical imposibility to eat poorly anymore. (meaning portion size)   To top that off, I am going on a trip to NM with my mom, (road trip, aweesoommmee) and my mother has decided she would like to take me to get a haircut at this swanky place, I just feel fat and stupid and slow and generally like a shitty person today.   Christ, I'll even cheat MYSELF, how could I not cheat someone else, the fundamentals of Angelica are off, bad. I feel like an asshole generally.   Ugh, this is going to get better, but I'm having a wobbler today.   -A
Angelica

Angelica

1
 

baby, I'm back

=)   Okay, so, things are good. Lets play catchup:   I got a boyfriend, he moved in, we're in love, things are awesome. Hes HUGE. Like six foot four, makes me feel safe, makes me feel SMALL. He told me I was tiny the other day =) His name is Raul, and I had dated him before, but it fell apart for various reasons, and now its back on. I'm happy.   My bestie ray and I arent besties anymore. He did something really vile, and I cant talk about it, because I am still moving through the stages of dealing with it. Once I own it and its mine, I will be more willing to discuss.   I still have issues, but my fill is strong, and my band is helping me. I have lost about 50-55 lbs (I never weigh myself) and i am down to a size 20 in jeans, and like a 14/16 in tops. I have a small butt, and thin legs, but that big stupid gut. I hate it =( I am moving along steadily. I just keep eating better, and fixing my attitude, and I feel like I am doing well, its been 10 months, almost, I'd like to lose a total of 75 lbs the first year and 50-65 the second year. I feel like its a feasible realisitic goal. I learned that you dont always have to rush everything.   I've got to look up the prices of tailors, I need to have my pants tailored, so that I can actually fit into them. The legs of my pants are so big and sloppy, but the waist fits. Its sort of a cycle I guess. I will have them tailored.   I am still plugging away at the same job. Its fine. Its not fantastic, but my insurance company is going to pay for my skin removal after I lose 100 pounds, and I am having my accessory breast tissue (side boobs, hot pockets, little bunches of grossness in my armpits) and my pannus removed hopefully in January after six months. My first consult with the plastic surgeon is on the 26th, and I am exicted and nervous. Its so hard to work out, because I get this terrible rash on the pannus, and on top of that, its always flip flopping everywhere like a dead fish.   Gross.   Chop that shit off.   I'm sick now, with something in my lungs, its hideous. I have been sick since last Monday, but the doctor told me it was viral bronchitis and I couldnt take any antibiotics for it.   The truth is, I dont know if I want to take antibiotics anymore because I feel like my body needs to stand up for itself   I stopped smoking, which i know is part of the reason why I am STILL sick. I know that your lungs move all sorts of gross stuff up when you quit smoking, and I expect to be sick for a while, so I am just trying to grin and bear it, because smoking is really kinda lame. I never realized how much I stunk. :w00t:   -A   :tt2:
Angelica

Angelica

1
 

awessommmmeee

This is probably not a big deal to anyone but me.   Okay, so my entire life, basically, I've been a fuck up. I have made bad decisions, and done stupid things, and I am now 26. I havent been licensed to drive a car since I was 17, and had said license revoked.   Its been nine years, and finally, I got up the gumpton, and took the stupid test, and I finally passed. I am offically licensed to drive in the state of texas.   This is exciting to me. It means release from a whole lotta shit, it means (as soon as I can get a car) that I will be completely independent. I dont expect anyone to purchase me a car, but I think that I might be able to get a little help.   In any case, its a huge personal acomplishment for me, and I am really excited about how this is going to change my life. All the sudden, things that were so difficult before, dont seem that way anymore. I dont have to worry about scheduling a ride to a gym, I can just go to the gym, I dont have to worry about going to the grocery store, I mean, the smallest things, are going to be so much easier now. I am very excited.   -A   :thumbup:
Angelica

Angelica

1
 

Addictive

'My ups, my downs, my high and my lows?'   My situation with Steve is over. Its a long drawn out explination, I am pretty much, well, its not a good day for me.   I'm taking this one day at a time. One day. One hour, ten minutes at a time.   Having gotten the bad news out of the way, the good news is that both my mother and I were promoted, which is funny, we dont work in the same industry, but we are both going to have to do alot more travel.   2 minutes at a time   I had an egg and a sausage patty for breakfast.   -A
Angelica

Angelica

1
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