This has been the worst three days!
I moved on Wednesday, while on day three of liquid diet. The move took three days! Everything hurts. Protein shakes alone did not help. I have a car full of crap to unload and it's raining buckets. I just want my new home in order befor surgery! I feel like crying.
But I had some broth and I'm beginning to feel some what better. Maybe a power nap is in order. Lol
My sister was to come to be with me for the surgery and she called today to tell me she has something wrong with her leg and is at the ER. She may need surgery. I'm pulling up my big girl panties and pushing forward.
Then I thought about my mom all weekend during the move, I miss her so much; she's been gone for six years but it still feels like yesterday. I wish my mom had taken the chance to have the surgery 10 years ago. I honesty believe she would still be here.
Ok shaking off the blues, I'll be my own sunshine along with the help of fellow sleevers. This is our month July, the new me is itching to come out, some are ahead of me and some are behind, but we will all graduate!
Ok so nerves are kicking my butt right now. I keeping having these crazy thoughts. You know the "what ifs". What if I die (the most scary of all), what if I have a horrible recovery ( I work in the medical field and know all the things that could go wrong), what if I never can eat again and live off yogurt broth and protein shakes. I am scared that I will not be able to enjoy foods again. I love ethnic foods and trying new flavors. I hope I can still do that eventually once I heal. The thought of not being able to eat Thai or Indian again makes me sad. Hopefully it is a see you soon instead of goodbye! I am also nervous about losing weight. I NEVER would have thought i would be nervous about this. I discovered this fear when I was browsing in Kohls. I love to shop! I am trendy and I haven't bought any of the cute summer fashions this year. Mainly because my extra shopping money has been going to doctors appts and i don't want to buy something only to wear it a few times. I have bought ANY shoes either because of this. Anyway to get my fix I went window shopping for clothes when I get 'skinny". I held up a size 8 pants and the fear washed over me. I don't know how to be a normal weight anymore! I have lived in this bubble of denial so long (I never felt like the fat girl until recently) that picking up a pants size i could wear 15 years ago literally caused me fear. It's crazy I know but its my nerves getting the best of me. i have all kinds of emotions this week. Nerves plus lack of carbs (2 week pre-op, which is not too bad, bascially the intro phase to atkins) have made me have to deal with these thoughts and feelings. I am being forced to work through them and not stuff them away with chocolate (my weakness). Well this is all just part of it I guess. Part of me is saying hurry up July 23rd while the other part is saying time is going too fast and slow down July 23rd. Oh well time to go eat some lean protein and veggies. Happy Friday!
The band is a tool and will only work if used correctly, we know this and state it daily.
We have another very important tool, our doctor. He (or she) is the one we trusted to cut up our insides. But this tool doesn’t stop there, we pay them for our after care. I’m not talking just for the post op diets. I’m talking months and years of after care, whether it is fills or just checking in or complications we need this tool as much as we need our bands.
So why would we not use this tool? Why are we afraid to call the doctor? Why don’t we want to go back to the doctor? Who loses out when we don’t use this tool? The doctor doesn’t. He’s off helping other patients who are using their tool. We lose! We keep spiraling out of control, gaining weight, feeling like we failed, and hating the band.
I use my tools to the fullest capacity!
I lost 80 pounds in 10 months and have maintained my weight for the last 7 months. And, I still see my doctor once a month. Why? Because I am using my tool. I often don’t get a fill, I weigh in, ask any questions I may have and say hello to everyone. I am there so much that all the staff know me by name. They may get sick of seeing me, but hey I pay for this tool and by golly I’m going to use it.
So, if you are struggling and you haven’t seen your doctor in a while, pick up the phone and make an appointment. Use your tool! If you don’t you are only hurting yourself.
I don't know about you, but the 2 most important work rules I know of are:
1. Don't take another man's tools without asking first.
2. Don't F with another man's food.
Violating either rule can put you in dire jeopardy of losing blood, skin, hair or at the very least, finding a nasty surprise in your lunch kit the next day.
But my current workplace is a bit looser about those rules - being that it's mainly ladies and has more of a community atmosphere compared to the construction sites I worked in the past. So it's not uncommon to find that your friends have raided the fridge and at least part of your lunch was donated to the cause.
It was one of those serendipitous moments yesterday that I learned exactly how to protect my food in the community fridge. My director had stashed a piece of Italian Cream cake in the fridge - leftover from the previous day's birthday celebrations - in between two balloon print paper plates.
The top plate had a simple message printed in bold black Sharpie on it,
"Please do not eat me."
"P.S. I already licked it!" - Kyle
Pure genius!
Have you any tips on how to protect your food/stuff/things from being "borrowed"?
It's taken me a long time to get my head screwed on right. I went from being heavy to being too thin, and after a lot of analysing, I decided that I'm finally happy with my weight. Because I'm not all about my weight.
This was a difficult mindset to come to. I sometimes wonder, when I was losing, whether or not I'd traded one obsession for another: food for weight loss. My whole goal was to lose, and it didn't matter what the scale said, I kept wanting to lose.
My best friend eventually intervened. She told me she thought I was too thin. She could see the ribs in between my cleavage, my hip bones stuck out, my head looked too big for my body.
My doctor did too. He said if I didn't stop losing, he would unfill me a little. So I worked to gain a little bit to get to a BMI of 23, not because I wanted to, but because I was scared that if he unfilled me I'd gain it all back.
Fast forward a few years, and my band starts leaking. My worst fears come true - I start gaining. I get disillusioned with my doctor's failed attempts to fix it, and I fall off the grid, and off the wagon. I start gaining and I don't care. I've given up.
Christmas comes around and I go on vacation to spend it with my son and when we go to the park, I realise that for the first time in 4 years I can't keep up with him. The penny drops and I remember why I got banded in the first place: for him.
That same moment, I make a decision to turn my weight gain around. I start tracking my calories, and exercising, and I lose weight, and I then make an appt to see my dr again to try to get back on track. At that appt, he withdraws the fill and it's immediately apparent that my band is still leaking, and we discuss what we should do next.
The next few weeks really confused me: Do I replace? Do I revise to a sleeve? Can I do this on my own? Am I really not capable of maintaining without the band? Am I really so hung up on weight loss that I'm going to go under the knife again??
And more importantly, was I really unhappy? My weight changing didn't change me, it just changed how people saw me. Did I really want to get on that rollercoaster of weight loss being so important that I'd get too thin?
So I made a decision: I'd get a replacement, because maintaining my weight was a lot easier with a working band, but I would not make weight loss my goal.
It was for this reason that I decided I didn't want to lose anymore, and instead would get lipo to 'take care' of the problem spots.
I'm not 5 days post lipo and by all accounts I'm exactly where I want to be.
So what's the point of this post? That self-same best friend yesterday asked me how much fat they'd taken out during lipo. Did I lose any weight?
So this morning I weighed myself. And yes the scales have gone down. And I was ecstatic. And all day today I'm thinking 'maybe I should try to lose a few more kilos, I could still stand to lose some weight' until I caught myself and shook myself out of it.
Body image. It's such an insidious damaging thing sometimes. Because we constantly have to convince ourselves we're good enough, that we're happy enough, that we don't need to be better than we already are and actually believe it. And it's a battle you can't ever let your guard down on. And I'm angry with myself for having succumbed to that vicious inner voice in my head today. She really needs to shut the hell up.
I am not even going to sugarcoat this. I hated EVERYTHING about this surgery. I don't know if maybe I had a bad reaction to the meds, but I was VERY sick. I had to spend an extra night in the hospital, because I could not stop vomiting. How happy was I when the nurse FINALLY came in and stuck a suppository up my you know what! Each day I do start to feel better; however until I see the results I can't find the worth yet.
Dear Self,
Congratulations! You just went through a major life changing event. I know you are ready for the challenges that will come, and you are definitely ready for the successes and victories you will be making soon.
Do you think you're ready for your new life? The one where food doesn't control your life. The one where you can walk into a room and stop wondering if you're the biggest person there. The one where you can stop asking yourself "am I bigger or smaller than her?" about every female you see. The one that you deserve and that you have waited 20 years for.
Good luck. I'm your number one fan!
I just turned 20 on July 2nd and was diagnosed with ms on July 10th. After a bit of research I see there are a few types, I'm not quite sure what kind I have just yet so I can't say. I have to schedule an appointment for a second opinion, but my neurologist is pretty certain.
Needless to say I'm pretty devastated that I got MS for my 20th birthday but being devastated won't make it go away. Any words of advice?
Today marks 1 month of my new life with my vertical sleeve gastrectomy. Wow! What a month!
THE GOOD
My "official" weigh in at my surgeon's office (on 7/2/13) was -25lbs. My unofficial weigh-in this morning was -30lbs. I can't believe what a difference 30lbs makes! I feel like I have so much energy, I'm sleeping better, oh yeah, and the bedroom stuff
In the past month:
Lost 1 chin
My engagement ring no longer fits
My wedding ring is loose
My thighs look slimmer
I haven't been having night sweats/ hot flashes (purely bc of weight, I'm 25yrs old)
I've retired my first pair of blue jeans
And every once in a while I see a little peak of my clavicles
What I've been doing?
**I exercise daily: 40 minutes of walking & at least 30 minutes of other stuff (light hand weights) and OMG, my husband and I are doing the 30 day squat challenge!-- it hurts to sit on the toilet! Lol
** I eat my protein first. I get in around 70-something grams of protein per day. I'm eating 3 meals (a protein shake being a meal) and sometimes a snack if I need it.
** H2O: I'm getting AT LEAST 64 oz per day- it's usually in the 70's.
** Vitamins: I'm taking 2 Flintstones, 2 calcium chews, and 1 dissolvable B12 per day. All taken at separate times to increase absorption.
OH, something I thought was really cool: my husband went away for work for a few days and when he came home he was shocked. He thought I looked so much smaller! It was really awesome to see the look on his face!!!
THE BAD
I've heard this rumor about changing taste after surgery -- TRUE. My husband and I ate boiled shrimp (one of my favorite things) and I thought it tasted like band aids. WTH? And I now love Greek yogurt, where before I took one bite and trashed it.
During this month, I felt like I had poor concentration and I kept getting dizzy upon standing, especially when getting out the tub (blood sugar= good, hydration= in check, orthostatic blood pressure= negative). So my doc suggested adding B 12. I can def tell an improvement in both my concentration and dizziness.
I don't think this is truly "bad," I'm just not used to it. *TMI WARNING*. BMs are now every other day- less than what I was used to.
THE UGLY
I did have one vomit episode, but it was purely my fault. I ate too fast and didn't chew enough. LESSON LEARNED!
_________________________________________________________________________________
But this has truly been an amazing experience so far. I feel so blessed to have this chance in life- to be a healthier, happier person. I'm so excited to see what comes, especially in the next few months.
WOW. So I finally decided to do this, only one year in the making or, convincing. I scheduled my surgery and was really looking forward to submitting my time off request! I know that sounds funny, but I thought that I needed something exciting to document and completing the space that says REASON, I was able to write, without any reservations, surgery. What I really wanted to write, though it lacked any kind of professionalism, was "I'm about to get this fat ass off of my fat ass for good!" So one of my awesome co-workers helped me out and took the first picture of my long journey and celebrated my awesome feel good time off request!!!!!
Nothing make me madder then when i am busting my hump to get stuff done in a timely manner and one issue throws the whole thing out of wack. So i talked to the registar on the 3rd of July, she ask me, do you think you can get the testing done by 7/19, im like heck yeah, well here it is now 7/11 and still no scripts, so i start calling around looking to see where they are, come to find out she never sent them? REALLY????? REALLY????? then i also find out on my call that the docter is scheduled for a conference the day of my appointment, he has been scheduled for that conference for three months..... WHAT WAS THIS LADY DOING???? So the new nurse says to me, we will let you meet with the doctor 7/16 instead of waiting until 7/19, well that would be great if the stupid lady would have sent out my scripts for the test back on the third when she was suppose to. I have spent the last three hours trying to see if i could find a place to get the test done prior to 7/16 to no avail.
so i call the hospital back and the lady is like well the next appointment we have the the doctor is 8/2. August 2nd? are you f***ing kidding me? 8/2???? i am so mad right now. Here i am thinking that im moving along at a great pace and this one lady throws everything into a tail spin. So now not only am i back to waiting but i need to take an additional day away from work to get this satisfied.
Well as it currently stands
7/16 i go in to get all 6 test done
7/30 i have the meeting with the nutritionist
8/2 i meet with the surgeon.
Oh and to beat the doctor goes on vacation for three weeks on 8/4 so i wont be looking for a date until september, this is really starting to boil my blood. and i wanted to have it done by mid august, oh well, there that idea goes..... still kinda PO
All of this could have been avoided, the the original lady would have just looked at the schedule correct.........GRRRRRRRR.........
Writing this as I sit on hold as my WLS office attempts to schedule yet another follow up appointment. I've been transfered and disconnected three times, so I've now spent 45 minutes just trying to get an appointment.
Guess if you get confused, or tired of dealing with computer hassles - just hang up!
Par for the course, I was not seen by my WLS for yesterday's post-surgical follow up and once again had to go through the whole history again with yet another PA I'd never met. Once we established that I hadn't just had a band placed, the PA went and got a print out of my surgical notes(not in the file!?). What I was told - my band hadn't slipped, but I had a significant hiatel hernia as well as adhesions(scarring). Per my request to save the band, the surgeon repaired the hiatel hernia.
What the PA indicated was missed/wrong in the discharge instructions:
- Pain med should've been in liquid form.
- Only Rx meds - no vitamins or supplements unless liquid form until swelling subsides(surgeon noted it okay to resume all meds on day after surgery)
- A script for Prilosec in liquid form
- Instruction to consume only liquids and pureed food until further notice. No greek yogurt - "too thick".
- No lifting anything over the weight of a gallon of milk.
- Walking is the only exercise allowed for now.
According to the PA, the repair was quite intense, so the symptoms I've been having are not surprising. Still have abdominal swelling which may take several more weeks to heal. The lump at the base of my throat is from the two tubes inserted during surgery. The cough,reflux and restriction are also a result of surgical irritation, but if I'd been given the Rx for Prilosec, should be significantly less. It may take up to six weeks to see if this corrects the problem.
In the meantime, I've been told I'm not eating enough, so I need to push protein shakes. First and only time I've heard that I should work in some ice cream!
So now we again start with the every 7 - 10 day follow up $400 appointments regardless of the fact I'm not getting a fill. That hour and a half roundtrip drive along with juggling a work schedule that doesn't have much flexibility - super!
I'm kicking myself for having the band left in. It's a tool. It works great for a lot of people - no "hate" here, but for me, the quality of life has dwindled.
This is the second hiatel hernia repair. The three years the band has been in have resulted in significant internal scarring, an inability to eat normally, declining social life, endless testing, medicines, embarassing situations, costly co-pays...
We got a treadmill, and today I had my first session, and it's also my 29th birthday! I burned 451 calories in an hour! I'm so stoked!!! I can't wait to continue working out in the mornings and seeing the inches melt off! Bonus, there is an ipod/mp3 jack and speakers so I can listen to my own music while I'm sweating away!! Makes it a billion times more effective! Lovin life, lovin my sleeve!!
I have to admit I am proud to say I finally was able to drink a full bottle of water today!!! I know it doesnt sound like much but believe me its the most i have been able to drink since I was banded. sucky thing that bugged me yesterday was the slight break out episode I had yesterday. Its pretty bad but I have some medicine that is suppose to help with the irritations. I am so close to being under 300lbs i can smell it. I only wish I had done this years ago but that is in the past..
my new life began the day I was banded. one more day until I am in the mushy food phase and then one week after that it will be solids. I am excited. Visited my mom today and she noticed my weight loss. she was very proud of me. I can not wait for more wL. I am hoping that with my new found health I will be able to be clear of all the health issues and develop a fresh outlook on other things. Well thats all i have to say for now.
Only four more days of this liquid diet. hasnt been too hard until today. for some reason it feels much more difficult. fortunately it is the end of the day and If i can get to sleep I should be ok until tomorrow evening. I am not even worried about sunday for the anticipation should hold me so i really only have three days, tomorow being the hardest apart from fri and sat of course.
it did help to see that I dropped two pounds in two days. I will weight myself either friday or sat morning. I expect to be at goal for surgery if I can hold on.
The coffee is raising my calories each day and i had two potfulls today, that is 100 calories. but it kept me from eating.
I have had my last normal meal ever--five days ago. On Holly's wedding day, actually much before that becasue i was watching my food so carefully. I dont miss it much yet.
My knee already feels better and i am only down 35 pounds. I cant imagine what it will feel like to lose another 70.
I anticipate surgery being easy. after all i have been through, i will be surprised if it isnt. the pain will be interesting, some people have almost none some stay awake to press the morphine drip. Odd.
Seven weeks since surgery. I only lost a pound and a half since last week. Yeah, I’ll admit it: I’m kinda bummed. Obviously I’ve gotten spoiled to 4 & 5 lb losses each week. Spoiled rotten! I’m doing all the same things….so I guess it’s time to do some different things, huh? Tonight I’m going to a Pilates class. I loved Pilates back in the day. I may hate it tonight, but I'm sure I will love it again eventually
I work in an accounting office, so I live my life in Excel. I have a spreadsheet tracking and projecting my weight loss. Really nerdy, eh? It’s my own special way of obsessing My average loss is -1.59% per week. That’s my AVERAGE, slightly inflated because the first and second weeks were big losses. But there’s this pattern that every 3rd week (well it’s an apparent pattern…it’s only been 7 weeks so far) my weight loss is miniscule. Perhaps this is tied to my TOM, which is roughly every 24 days (yes, this does suck). ANYways….could also just be the good old fashioned roller coaster that is major weight loss. It’s funny too, because in my past life, when this kind of thing would happen, I would throw in the towel and eat whatever I wanted, then feel like crap and not be active. Not gonna do that this time. Just gonna ride this old roller coaster.
I’m frustrated because I wanted to be sooooo different immediately after surgery, as far as my weight, size, and energy. In some ways, I was different right away. The snoring stopped pretty quickly. Husband is significantly less grouchy for that I’m in clothes I haven’t worn in a while. I’m taking the dog out hiking 6 evenings a week. I no longer feel completely hopeless.
But I want MORE energy. I want MORE weight loss. I want to feel stronger, faster. I want to get to the point where I can no longer go closet shopping and need to go real shopping. That’s why the Excel spreadsheet is fun….I have formulas set up to where I can see on any particular day in the future where I might be if I continue on this average weight loss. Other columns are set up to show if my weight loss rate increases or decreases…..
We are planning a trip to the east coast (this is a huge trip for us from our home in Hawaii), and there is a possibility that if I could be in onederland by that trip. OMG. That would be awesome. However, living “in the now” as reality forces me to do, I am still stuck feeling obese and drained right now. Things are changing, but I wish they’d change faster. It’s funny how I got myself mentally prepared for surgery as if it were an end in itself in some ways. Reading the boards, I suspect a lot of folks are that way. But after surgery, life goes on. Surgery was drastic, but the weight loss can be gradual. I know it’s all perception, and that in a couple of months when I’ve lost more and my life is incrementally that much different, I will feel better about it.
Perhaps I’m just melancholy this week in general.
I am reminding myself that all things considered, I am in a much better place than I was at the beginning of May, right before surgery. And it stands to reason that in as many weeks in the future, I will feel that much better. I’ve just got to keep working. I will do this.
Onward
I weighed in today and am down 26 lbs. So exciting! I was just banded 6/6 and I know the loss will slow down..but this is giving me motivation. Down 2 pants sizes and so I need to buy a few pairs of inexpensive pants so I can look decent at work. I have only been walking so looking to add weight training soon to tone up. I have to say I wish I would have considered Lap Band a few years ago. It is so nice to read all the posts/blogs of veteran banders. It makes such a difference to know how many people are dealing with the same issues. I have been following the instructions to the letter. I need the structure or I will be off track. One additional bonus is the money I am saving on food. No soda & fast food. Set that money aside to spoil yourself instead of stuffing yourself.
Two things are up with my band. Number one..I may not have been receiving fills when I was told I was receiving fills. The paperwork does not show the I received the last two fills that I was told I received. There is no way to tell if I received them or not because my port has flipped and is not accessible. I am 13 months out from surgery and already have to have a revision. Hopefully after the revision/during the revision my band can be filled to where I need it. I am hungry, looking for food and finding everywhere I drive or walk in this city and gaining the weight back faster than I lost it. Really disappointed. At this the lap band and the whole process seems to be another failure.
Went to my final appt with the surgeon today and signed my consent forms. Also have my pre-op blood work done. I can't believe it is only 12 days away now. Wow!!! I am still on my pre-op but now following my current surgeons diet. Not too bad 2 shakes and a 4 oz protein with 1/2 cup non starch veggies. I am also allowed 2 SF Jello's, 2 SF Popsicles and 2 Servings of Broth. Its been going good. I weighed in today at the doctors and I am now down to 291!!! Wooo Hooo!!! Down 27 lbs from my highest weight. I found out I will have to give myself injections of blood thinners at home for the first 3 days after surgery.... ahhh. It's ok I can do this it is only 3 days!!! I pray and hope the next 12 days go by real fast.
For the last three weeks I've felt a little blah - well a lot blah. I have MS and unfortunately had a relapse. For those of you who don't know - that means going on IV steroids - the very ugly little suckers that made me gain all this weight in the first place. I usually gain 10-15 lbs during the time I am on steroids. Well, I am happy to report from the other side and tell you that I actually lost 4 lbs this past week while on the steroids! I absolutely LOVE my sleeve! I did have some wacky food cravings - but found that I could eat so little that it wasn't hard at all not to gain weight.
The second cool thing - today I wore to work the suit I was wearing on 9-11-2001! Seriously?!?!?! And what is even better is that it looks awesome! There are a couple of pieces of clothing that I have kept over the years - mostly for sentimental value - but I always said I was going to wear them again when I lost weight. I cannot believe that it is actually happening!
6 month face progression...So amazingly happy!
So, I am just wondering. I am currently on the stage 2 diet and I have to go on a trip. I am trying to figure out what I can eat when we go out to eat... besides; mashed potatoes and eggs. Please help!! I am only 2 weeks post op on this Friday. I feel good and have lost 30 lbs in 30 days... so I get full fast, just needing some suggestions ) Thanks for you help!!
Hawaii was amazing. Sun, sand, surf and great friends. Lots of pictures. These will be my last summer pics being the current pre-op me. So my "before" photos will have a nice landscape! Actually it was a very informative vacation as I went with my friend who had the surgery over a year ago. We were able to honestly talk about the ups and downs of the road she has travelled as well as what to expect. It also allowed my hubby a chance to talk with hers to see how we felt...typical guy talk over beers right! But what I really enjoyed was being able to see how she lives now with the weight gone. I watched her eat off the kids meno or the appetizer menu. She still had treats - she admits she gained on the trip but was right back on track after. That's what we are supposed to do....enjoy in moderation.
I start my pre-op diet next Thursday which means I'm just over 3 weeks away from this. Ironically my diet and nutrition appointment is the week after when I see my surgeon so I was feeling a bit lost however that same wonderful friend is pulling her stuff and sending it to me- I love that girl!
So this weekend I am having my last BBQ for a while with all e trimmings. I am going to celebrate my up coming last "diet" (when did you ever think you would say that). I am going to revel in where I've been, where I am, and where I am going!
Stay tuned.....the grumbling you hear will be my stomach!
I'm literally almost crying reading this. Mostly because I'mon this pre-op diet and these last two days have been difficult... but also because I needed this! Thank you! Congrats! And a BIG congrats on quitting smoking a second time! It was hard enough to do it once... So - when I say BIG congrats... I mean BIIIIIG congrats! ❤️
Was sind last resting-place besten Gewinnchancen in einem Casino? "Einarmige Banditen"
Einarmige Banditen
Casinos werden in erster Linie mit Roulette und Poker in Verbindung gebracht, aber Statistiken zeigen, dass 61 % der Besucher von Spielhallen ihre Zeit damit verbringen, einarmige Banditen zu spielen (Daten von 2013 von der American Gaming Association). Perish Regeln der Spielautomaten sind sehr einfach, und der niedrige Mindesteinsatz macht sie auch fur decease armsten Spieler zuganglich.