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The Waiting Game

OK....11/7/13 I went to the bariatric surgery class and to meet the nutritionist and surgeon. On 11/12/13, I had my psych eval. Now I wait. It is killing me. I know that sometimes this takes a long time, but I have been very prepared and got things done very quickly. All they are waiting on - they being insurance - is my psych eval. It has been 2 weeks and do not have the results yet. I hate that it is out of my hands and I can not do anything else to help this process move forward. I am trying so hard to sit on my hands and not call the psych office, the surgeon's office, or the insurance co. and ask what is going on. This is defiantly the hardest part so far......waiting...waiting....waiting....

JillC878

JillC878

 

Thanksgiving Day...

Today is Thanksgiving.. SO many emotions going through my head right now.. So many reasons to be thankful today.. And wondering how today is going to go. How am I going to feel around so much food? How am I going to deal with NOT eating so much food?! I'm I just going to graze all afternoon? (I'm at work til 3, boo!) How did you vets handle your holidays? I'm nervous, I don't want to waste food.. I find that is all I do lately. My eyes are litterally bigger than my stomach.. LOL.. We shall see... Happy Thanksgiving guys! Kimberly

kmed21

kmed21

 

Happy Thanksgiving

One week till Surgery and one week on pre-op diet. Up until last night I really hadn't started feeling too hungry. I am hungry and realization that this is really going to happen and really going to affect how and what I eat. I have lost 15 lbs so far on this diet. At least the family is not eating a turkey and all the other fixin's. I have usually been the one that makes most of the big meals. Christmas parties will be quite a bit different since I will be on clear liquid diet until Christmas.   Didn't do well at my first BBQ competition but learned a lot. Will work toward next year.   Happy Thanksgiving Paul "Bear"

BigBearBBQ

BigBearBBQ

 

Excess Food

Hello and happy holidays to everyone. Tonight is Hanukkah and tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Being Jewish always meant fried potato latkes and other non healthy foods. As far as I know we are not doing a Hanukkah celebration this year being that tomorrow is turkey day. Saturday I will be seeing the whole family, plus. My youngest grandson, Max will be 1 on Friday. I don't ask menus because my son's MIL (she likes to run the show) is coming in and she is a cook and baker. She loves to bake so much that she researched her new oven ($12, 000.) She also is very thin and healthy. And she is the most frugal person I know. She likes her stuffing so much she isn't going to my brother's tomorrow. Weird!! I hope all of you eat accordingly. I am bringing green beans to my brother's because I know that the sweet potato casserole is very sweet with marshmallows etc. and I really hate it, any way. I don't like my SIL's stuffings either which is good. My son's MIL's stuffing is the one I make with Ritz crackers but mine is better because I have added a few things. My DIL said it was much better. It was the great grandmother's recipe. So now you want to know how I have their recipe. Well, my DIL's grandfather and my MIL's brother-in-law were brothers. We are NOT related. We just share cousins and the same aunt and uncle. Well everyone enjoy the weekend. The food, the shopping deals. MA, where I live, the stores do not open tomorrow. They open mid night, and even that is crazy. I have never gone black Friday shopping and never want to. Peace to everyone and remember our wonderful troops that make it that we can celebrate all of our different holidays as one country. Arlene

dylanmiles23

dylanmiles23

 

It Hit Me....

So I was updating my weight on the website and when I went to view my profile I saw it. Yes, I saw it. I am officially down 61lbs. My first mini goal was to get to 250 and I achieved that; my current weight is 244. But to actually look at the number of pounds lost is blowing my mind. I could never fully understand what some people meant when they said they would look at themselves and still see the fat person they were. Now I get it. Sometimes I feel like I've lost most of the weight and then other times I look at myself in the mirror and still see the same overweight person.   I promised myself that I wouldn't get overly obsessed with weighing myself as I don't want to get discouraged. And so far I have been doing good. I weigh myself once a week and sometimes I go two weeks without weighing myself. As long as my clothes are fitting differently and I'm able to get into clothes I couldn't wear, I know that I'm doing something right.   I just can't believe I've lost 61lbs!!!!!!

SamG

SamG

 

8 Months Post Op... Oh Yeah! God Is Good...

Hi all... It has been a while since I have been on here. I can honestly say life is sooooo different!!! I can't imagine ever going back to where I was before. I know you all understand what I am talking about! Well My biggest NSV to date is my new man! As most of you know, I mentioned in older blogs that one thing my weight hindered was my love life. I was single for over 5 years during my biggest years. I have recently found the love of my life! He is amazing and he is everything I prayed to find in a man. He thinks I am beautiful even though i am no where near my goal weight. He is so good to me and has added 2 wonderful children to my life. I don't remember a time when I was this happy. I thank God every day for the changes in my life over the last year. I am down 110lb since surgery. I am at 182lb and a size 12 at the moment. I have not been very good about sticking to my high protein diet but I have been holding steady for about 2 months now. Its nice to know I can eat normal and maintain a steady weight. I do want to get down another 20+ pounds but I have time. I hope you are all doing as wonderful! That your prayers are coming to pass and that your joy is as great as mine.... Love you all... Amber

Amberlydw8

Amberlydw8

 

Final Thanksgiving Dinner (**warning...this Blog Contains Content That May Challenge You**)

This Thanksgiving will be my final feast and meal that I prepare. My family doesn't know this yet and I'm sure they will be surprised. For the final goodbye, I will cook a pleasurable meal that will consist of an apple cider brinned turkey, spicy fried chicken, cornbread dressing, greens, mashed potatoes with parsnips and chives and sour cream, brussel sprouts and leaks, and top it off with a peach cobbler. For snacks, I'm roasting chickpeas covered in cocoa powder, brown sugar, and sea salt. (*Remember the warning*)   I plan to partake in some of it because I am still in the pre-op phase of my plan so I plan to drink loads of water and exercise like nobody's business to help purge over the weekend. However, this will be my last hoo-rah with these fanfares. I've had final goodbyes before to food but what makes this one special is because I know that the sleeve won't permit eating like this again. Therefore, my teen kids and my supportive husband will need to adjust to this new way of living. This is their final Thanksgiving meal of this magnitude at our home.   Say hello to a NEW lifestyle! Gobble - Gobble

BladeFox

BladeFox

 

I Had To Get Out The House Yesterday!

Happy Sunday Funday everyone!   Every Saturday Morning is my Weigh In day and yesterday was my 75 pounds mark! I was to excited and I had to celebrate. Also I was getting bored being in the house so I went shopping! The first thing I brought was a bra, I've been dreading this day for a long time but I knew I needed a new bra. Of course my fun bags shrunk not to bad but they did. I love my new bra it amazing how the littlest things bring me joy.   Then I went to my favorite clothing store Dots! I had a $10 off coopin so that was even better. I brought me a couple of outfits and some accessories.   Since Dots was close to my parents house I had to stop by and see my parents. Guess who greeted me at the door when I walked in? My nephew! I was so happy to see him and my dad was up watching him while my mom was out. I owe my dad big time so I told him to go to sleep while I watch Fun Boy (my nephew).   I just like to say I am Bubble Guppies out and wore out. Fun Boy had me all over the place. But it was worth it. When my mom came back we talk for a bit and I showed her my new clothes, She congratulated me on my weight loss and told me that I should go home because I was over doing it. Mom knows best right? I told her that I had to go to Dollar General first then I will go home. So I did.   I finally got my appetite back too! Protein! Protein! Protein! was the plan yesterday and they was what I had. Can I make a suggestion to you guys? Danon makes a fruit greek yogurt called Light & Fit. It has 12 grams of protein and it 80 calories! If was so good!   After reading a certain someone blog entry yesterday, I was convince to have some Chinese food. I had orange chicken with veggies and that was my lunch and dinner. And the St. Louis Blues won yesterday!   Thanks for Reading.

LadyDiva618

LadyDiva618

 

Starting Over

Update here! I haven't written much in the last month because I am still recovering from my broken arm. I am much improved, 4 weeks out. I start physical therapy on Monday but have been doing a little on my own. I definitely have more movement. I am not back to walking yet because the walking tends to make my shoulder area ache more near the fracture.   But here's the thing, I am still losing weight, slowly, and I guess I am surprised. I was just hoping to avoid gaining any weight since I am not getting the exercise. At my age, I don't think there is much weight loss without movement, hence the surprise. I have been thinking about what has changed about me in this new "start over". Why was I less successful the first time in the year after I had this surgery? Well I've already talked about some of it, the stress of my job. But I think there is something else. I seem to have made some peace with portion size and recognizing those things that don't go down well or are hard to chew. I also noticed that when I get a full plate (say when we go out for a meal), I feel overwhelmed at how much food is sitting in front of me. I have developed an aversion to anything fried as I began to recognize it didn't feel so good when I ate it, yet before I loved it. I can tell right away what foods I won't be able to chew well. I also used to have this feeling that to avoid going back for seconds, I really needed to fill my plate to be sure I had enough. Wow, now I can pretty much judge by sight what is the right portion size and I have confidence it will be enough for me. I have to tell you, these are pretty big changes for me! And because I eat slowly, I find myself waiting for the "soft stop" cue (I got that term from Jean) to tell me when I have had enough. "Enough" is becoming my new "full"!   So I am happy with this. Of course the weight loss is slow right now (5 lbs since I first broke my arm 4 weeks ago) but I am satisfied with this progress for me. I am feeling confident going forward with controlling my weight loss!

Maddy1

Maddy1

 

Holidays And Cultural Food Traditions

Heeeelllllp!!!!   This is my first holiday post op. My family is from New Orleans so we start cooking the Sunday before Thanksgiving.   My daughter lives in Peoria, IL in the area hit by last week's tornado. The family is traveling to her to support her, her fiance and their 1 year old daughter. They were not hurt physically and did not suffer any damage to their home but the work at the local news station and have been under a lot of emotional stress.   I am nervous because all my life the only way my family has celebrated the good times, and shown strength thru the bad times is by eating. My family actually is insulted when one does not partake with large bowls of gumbo and plates of turducken, etc. etc.   I have stopped testing the food as i cook it but what do I do when it is time to sit down and pass the plate?

FibroDiva

FibroDiva

 

Oh My!

So I calculated the pre-op diet that I'm starting next week. Yes, the week of Thanksgiving. I'll do it for two days and then re-start it on the following Monday. Anyway, my Spark People calculated a days meal on pre-op to be 784 calories...WHOA! So I honestly asked myself if I can do this plan and I believe I can with a lot of grumbling. I also calculated what I currently eat on a bad day and that came out to be 2,596...WHOA! I said to myself. So here's the mental challenge. I don't think the plan that I got from the Nut has enough protein to help me feel full which is very interesting coming from them, so I will incorporate another 150 calories that will come from protein.   That should do it.

BladeFox

BladeFox

 

Guess I'm Gunna Have To Start Counting Stuff...

I've prided myself on losing 100 lbs eating whatever I want, just a few bites. Well, after my band to sleeve revision 4 mths ago, I've only lost 22 lbs (knew I'd lose slower, started at 174). So I guess I'm gunna have to reevaluate my intake.   Counting carbs would be miserable. I was on Atkins induction for 4 weeks last Feb. I would've killed my mom for a cookie I think counting calories would be a better choice for me. Occasionally I count on myfitnesspal and I'm usually under 1200. Guess I hafta stay under 1000 to take off the last 20 lbs. Those last 20 r the hardest of all. for sure.   My goal is to maintain until after the holidays. Then I will take it seriously and lose the last 20. Hubby gained 40 lbs over the last 8 mths or so and he's doing the same thing (no, he hasn't had wls, just does Atkins).

marfar7

marfar7

 

Hodge Podge

I have not written since the new site has been up. There are things I hate and things I like but it is Alex's brain child not mine or yours. So just grin and bear it.   So I am a natural red head. Only color I have ever been in 63 years. Money is very tight so 2 months ago I bought s decent color and it looked good. I couldn't do hi lites but that was fine because I wasn;t born with them. Last week my husband was with me when I went to buy another box of dye. He choose a different color. Sunday I had bright red/orange hair. It glowed!!! I called the company and they said to buy light brown. I left it on for 20 not 30 minutes. My hair is almost black. UGH!!!!!!!!! Today I am puling out the credit card and getting hi lites. Who the f**k knows what I will look like. Anything is better than almost black on a very pale skinned red head. When you get older you have to go lighter not darker because you do get paler I think. I can't do Thanksgiving with this color. My youngest grandson, Max will be having his 1st b. day party with about 40 people next week. Can't embarrass him.   I have been staying in the middle 190's for a long time now. Today I am back down under 192!!!!!!! I have been 188.? after a fill for 1-2 days. I would love to see the 180's again soon.   I do not eat any pies so I am not worried about Thanksgiving desserts. I have never had a pie because I don't like cooked fruit.   This is very long but I needed to rant about my hair color. Have a great day. Boston is cold and rainy today. Stay warm. Arlene aka Eye Candy

dylanmiles23

dylanmiles23

 

No News Is Bad New Is Good News

HI ALL! I missed you while the site was down. Catch up on my trip to Vegas and other antics on my blog:   www.Thedecontructionofjohnny.blogspot.com   In the meantime, here's my latest post.   Hello again everybody! It's time for your favorite periodic pudgy press conference. I did alert all of the major media outlets. But it seems they had more pressing obligations. Go figure. I'm flabbergasted that they don't think this is breaking news. I bet if I got a pit bull to bite me in the ass I'd be all over the 5 o'clock news.   Let's talk about my weight loss for the past week. (Buzzer sound here.) That sound means I have nothing to report. Zero. Nada. Zilch. Same weight, almost to the ounce, as last Monday. While it's true I busted the 190 mark and hit the elusive 189, it is here that I am stuck. Mired in melancholy. My previously reported frustration with my temperamental metabolism is rearing it's ugly head once more. It's very disheartening to get on that scale really feeling pumped for a loss, only to have that electronic bastard spew it's bad news. I'm going to fling that thing out the window some day. I have never had such a love / hate relationship with an inanimate object before. I once had a putter that crossed me the wrong way and I sent it to a watery grave in a small water hazard. This fancy Fitbit scale only has so many lives.   The no news is the lack of weight loss. The bad news is I probably won't hit the goal I set for myself of 186 by the day before Thanksgiving. Seeing that is only 8 days away, it will take an act of the fat gods for me to make it. The other salty news is that this plateauing is messing up my math. I need to lose at least 20 more pounds. When I was at the 1-1/2 pound per week pace, I had the goal date of March 1. One pound per week puts me out to mid April. If I fall below that, I guess we're talking May.   I'm doing my part. I'm staying on my 1200ish calories a day plan. I'm limiting my drinking to special occasions. Now I'm stepping up my workouts to 4-5 days a week. I have actually been doing sprints in the middle of my treadmill walks to boost my metabolism. I am working some with weights. I say "working" because my loss of muscle really makes "lifting" hard. These increased workouts have come at great expense to my aging and abused body. I had bad eyes, bad shoulders and creaky knees going into this thing. We can now add bad feet and sore hips to the hit parade.   The good news is I'm not giving up. I have a few hurdles here to overcome in the short term, namely Thanksgiving, Palm Beach , birthday, Christmas, New Years Eve, New Orleans, Palm Beach and Scottsdale. My loyal readers will remember that this was the schedule last year that made me bust out of my pants. Well, not this year sports fans. By hook or by crook I will be under my goal by my Bandiversary. May 15, 2014. In the meantime, let's all pray to the god of fatness, Plumpurius, to guide us to the promised land.   Bye now! JT

Johnny99

Johnny99

 

Tummy Tuck?!?

Sorry it's been so long- time just seemed to slip away from me. I broke my thumb out at the barn working the horses, and have been off work for the last month- so needless to say, not much time on the computer lately! I'm back and out of my cast (Thank Goodness!!!).   I'm PROUD to say- I've passed my dr's weight loss goal for me, I've actually hit 100# lost from my highest weight. I'm wearing size SIX jeans...something I NEVER thought I'd accomplish, and I'm happier now than I've EVER been. I'm comfortable, I'm confident...it's everything I thought it would be and more.   I'm looking into options to have a tummy tuck- the excess skin is really a bother to me...I'm hoping I'll be able to have my insurance cover it- although I'm not sure that will be the case, as they did not cover my original surgery to start with...but I'm doing some reserach to see what my options are- anyone with experience in that area...I'd love to hear from you!!! I've got BCN in Michigan.   I've had a little bit of a nagging feeling now that I've hit my dr's goal (and 5# until I hit my own personal goal)....what if the weight comes back? Anyone else experience these feelings?? I'm so scared to go back to where I was, especially having been heavy my entire life- this is a side of things I've never seen before and I don't want to go back to where I was- EVER. Thoughts? I'm sure I'm not alone in this either....   MISSED YOU ALL!! CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR BACK!!!

nygurl

nygurl

 

2Mts Banded.

So today i realized i have been banded now for a little over 2mts.. It feels like it has been a life time.. I keep telling myself i'm doing great.. that with time and patience the band will work for me as it does for others. I have lost weight and for the most part have kept it off..   However having had 2 fills i have yet to feel any true restriction and still can eat what i want. i just no longer eat large portions. Which i do count as a HUGE WIN for me. because my god could I eat before hand....   Every day is a struggle with hunger. it is so hard to not reach out for that second spoon full of what ever after i have already put my allotment for that meal on my plate.   To not visit the vending machine to see what deliciousness is to be found..- Never had the urge before banding not sure where it has come from now wishing it would leave me now....   There have been times when i have gotten so hungry that i'm half way through before i remember i am banded and then freeze in fear that i have done something wrong.   What keeps me going -   The truly AMAZING wonderful people i have gotten to know through this site. The wonderful honest feedback, support and knowledge sharing the knowledge that eventually i will get the restriction i am looking for.. just have to keep the chin up and marching forward.   I can do this

intelirish

intelirish

 

Port Placement Surgery

Happy Wednesday everyone. I know I haven't been active on here lately but I am back now. So how is everyone? I hope everyone is well.   Where should I begin?   This month has been a good month for me despite of me being a plateau... life has been good. I had a couple of moments this month. The one that hurt the most is when I didn't get my dream job. What is my dream job? To work in Human Resources I have a degree and experience in that field and I had my 10th interview and I still didn't get the job. I felt defeated but I got back on track. I decided to continue practicing my interview skills and keep moving forward. "Every NO! is one step closer to my YES!"   Yesterday I had my port placement surgery. This time Dr. Richardson didn't have me come in at 430AM it was 830AM this time! Once again my amazing daddy took me to the hospital. He was off at work at 630am that morning and was still able to stay with me the whole time! I have to admit I was really nervous this time around I don't know why but I was.   However I did get the biggest surprised yesterday....... I AM IN ONEDER LAND!!! (is that the right term?) I was shock was I seen the number 193.4! I was so nervous I couldn't cry. I have seen those numbers since I was 19. Wow I am still in shock!   Today I am resting I haven't got my appetite back but I am slowly drinking water. I want to do some type of exercise today but I just do want to over do it. I am so close to my high school weight!   It's nice to know that my Wii Fit was not lying to me. I am going to reward myself by going shopping for some new clothes and get me a pedi on Saturday. Besides I am on leave until Dec 2nd.   God is good and I am loving my band!   Thanks for reading.

LadyDiva618

LadyDiva618

 

Experience Since 4Th Fill...not Good

So since my fourth fill (4cc's) I have been throwing up every day. Its been 3 weeks - the first 2 I could only hold down liquids and mushy foods. I was able to eat a half deli meat sandwich a few times and not throw up but then other times I try that and I do throw up. Some days are much worse than others. But on the average I throw up at least one meal if not all meals every day. All my friends keep telling me to go get fluid taken out. But I am concerned maybe its just me - I had practically no restriction with 3 cc's.   I can usually eat - f/f cottage cheese, greek yogurt, crackers, toast, light non-chunky soup, belvita breakfast biscuit   I held down a few times (but tried again and vomitted) - tuna salad sandwich, turkey sandwich (could only eat half a sandwich though), scrambled eggs   Vomitted a bunch after eating - cooked mustard greens and chard, baked potato, chicken breast, steamed broccoli, brown rice   I have tried all sorts of different things even from switching to wearing and underwire bra to a sports bra, waiting till 10a to eat even though I am starving in the morning.   I watch my time and I chew for at least 1 minute and wait 2-3 minutes between bites. I am not over eating at one sitting because I can only eat about 4 bites of a solid food before I have chest pain and I try to keep my bites small and chew till mush.   This constant vomitting, hunger, headaches - its all affecting my work, school and personal life.   I don't want to abandon progress - I have lost 14lbs in 3 wks. But I feel like I am now a bulemic except not by choice.   What do I do?

jsbk

jsbk

 

Glad I Spoke Up - Pre-Op Diet Finally!

Today I visited with my nutritionist and shared with her my frustration in not having a clear process to date. My insurance only required 3 visits with the nutritionist but here I was at the 4th and according to their records, one of the nutritionist had me down for two more which would have been 6 total!!! I asked why so many times and they didn't have a clear answer except, committment to the process... What!?! What's not to commit to, I have done everything that they have asked me to except lose 5 lbs!!! I was waiting to do that with the pre-diet! So, after deliberation with the nutritionist, I finally have the pre-op plan for my now 8 lb weight loss. YIPPEE!!!! Here's how it will work from this point on and I'm holding them to it:   Next Nut visit: December 18 Must have 8 lbs lost by then. Schedule Dr. visit within the same day or next day Dr. approval for submission of paperwork to insurance Insurance approval roughly 2 weeks Date scheduled after approval Must maintain weight loss until surgery Anticipated surgery date: Sometime in January Geesh!!!

BladeFox

BladeFox

 

Almost 3 Months Post Op

Wow.. I haven't blogged in thiiisss long!!! It has been a CRAZY 3 months to say the least!! November 22nd will be my 3 months. I'm kinda sad about that, when I think of the significance of that day historically. RIP JFK. On to happier news.. Here are my stats! My highest weight in March when I started this journey was 282 lbs! Day of surgery I was at 254. Today I am about 212.5!!! I'm finally a 16, like before I was married!! HOLY CRAP! 41.5 lbs since surgery, I'm happy with that.. I made my ticker, and I'm OVER halfway toward my goal! I think that's amazeballs!!! I'm glad I can finally eat! It's always protein first. Getting all of my liquids in is hard.. Emotionally I wasn't prepared for how little we eat now. The first time it hit me, I was at Jersey Mike's. I ordered a regular size (I usually order a regular or giant!). So, I get home, and I can only eat like 5 bites. I took half the bread off, so it made me feel a little better. lol.. But only a few bites into it, and I had the rest of this sandwich left!! I was in shock! But when you're full, and you feel full you know it.. Even one bite over that sends me heaving!! Like whoa.. lol.. Even now, there is food I just cannot eat.. McDonald's and I have broken up... I cannot eat there anymore, I barf if I even try anything.. Pizza was hard for me to stomach at first, but now It's ok.. Good thing, I love pizza! hahahaha.. Now, it's barely 1 slice.. Changes, changes are good! How are you guys doing?! Kimberly ps. I attached a pic I took this morning at work.. word!

kmed21

kmed21

 

All The Benefits Of My Lapband...i'm So Happy!

So the list just grows longer and longer. the benefits of my current 50lb loss include:   --Dropping my b/p meds and having normal b/p for the first time in years.   --Smaller clothes...this is so much fun and so encouraging. I don't always see the difference in the mirror, but I see it in my clothes. Nice incentive to keep on keeping on.   --I feel better. I move better. I sleep better. I am smiling so much more.   --And now one very big one that will keep me on track for a long time. I visited my knee doctor yesterday. My right knee is a mess. I've known I'll need replacement for sometime now. But, I've been too young and too overweight. But...because I've had my surgery, it's going to be closer. He's not going to make me wait until I turn 50. I can have it when I lose another 50-75 lbs. I'm so excited! No more pain. I have no cartilage in my right knee. I'm bone on bone. I also have bone spurs and lots of nasty arthritis. I got a shot of cortisone yesterday that will help with the pain. I'm limited to doing cardio ONLY in the pool. No treadmills, no elipticals, no stairs (except at home to get to my bedroom). So, I'm working on getting new workout plans for the pool to keep me engaged.   So the list just keeps growing. I'm so happy with my decision.   Have a great day, friends!

SillyAuntDi

SillyAuntDi

 

Well, I Had A Bad Day.

I know I just wrote a long blog yesterday, but last night something frightening happened to my 18 year old daughter who is in college. She was leaving her dorm to go get dinner at the adjacent dorm, when she was attached by two men. They pushed her to the ground, held her down with a foot in her chest and proceeded to choke her. They were yelling at her that they wanted her money. Well, as with most college students she didn't have any cash. She told them to take her debit cards out of her wallet which was on a lanyard around her neck. Once they got the cards they quickly ran away.   Brittany is the kindest person. She's gone through her life dealing with bullies and struggled with fitting into her niche'. She's about to finish her first semester at school and has straight A's. As a Mom I couldn't be prouder. You all can imagine my horror when she called me inconsolably crying telling me she had been jumped on her way to dinner. She was so freaked out she ran directly to her dorm room and locked herself inside, then called me. I called campus security (who rushed right over) and shortly after sent out a mass email warning the rest of the campus about the assault and robbery that had taken place by her dorm. They also doubled up campus patrols as well as the City Police patrolling extra. SIGH! I haven't slept today or should I say last night. As a parent all you ever want to do is love and protect your children, no matter how old they get. She struggles with severe anxiety and this semester has been a stretch for her, but she's in the home stretch. She just had to make it through this week and was looking forward to Thanksgiving break. Now, all she could talk to me about was how she could feel the guys dry, itchy skinned hand around her neck pushing harder into her throat and she didn't think she would ever be able to get that image out of her mind. I'm so THANKFUL that they didn't rape or kill her, but I still ask the question, Why? Why do people feel the need to steal from others? Her father wants to hunt the two guys down and kill them for touching his daughter. I'm sure if we knew we could find them we would have been on that campus. I'm just praying they weren't students that she might possibly run into again. The exit she took out of her dorm is officially off limits and she's not to walk anywhere alone after dark. I only wish it would have happened to me and not her.   As you can imagine, with all this drama going on old habits began to form in my mind. I wanted comfort food... carbs and some sweets, maybe a soda. She didn't want to miss her classes and kept telling me she just had to finish up this week. She began to sense I was falling apart and was showing me how strong she could be. I didn't give in to my cravings. As a matter of fact, I didn't eat dinner at all last night. I drank a couple bottles of water and talked on the phone with Brittany while we watched one of her favorite MTV shows, Teen Mom 3. She took some anti-anxiety meds and I could tell she was beginning to get sleepy so I reluctantly let her go and told her to call me if she needed me for anything. My phone never rang and I know for sure because I never slept.   To top things off my oldest daughter, who is expecting, showed up at my door around 10:30. Rae had a fight with her hubby and laid her head in my lap and cried wishing she was a teenager again. Missing the memories we had created as a family for her and making me feel like a super mom. Thinking about it now I'm wondering if she showed up on a ruse to give me comfort and to make me feel better. Hmmmm. I love my children. They are a gift from God. Even though I didn't get to hold Brittany and comfort her, Rae's head in my lap while letting me give her advice on her relationship and what to expect in the coming months of her pregnancy was cathartic. Writing this blog has made me realize how BLESSED I am. Even though today was not a good day. Everybody, though worse for the wear; is doing okay and most importantly we all still love each other very much.   I made it through a very stressful evening without binging on bad foods. I should have eaten dinner, but I'll take the absence of food versus the bad, high calorie type any day! I just pray for protection for my family and friends. Here's to learning life lessons, even if sometimes it has to be the hard way.   I sure love my kids!   Rachel (20) Brittany (18) Michael (13)   Thanks for reading my vent!   Till Next Time, Tara

BlueMoon~T

BlueMoon~T

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