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Traci's Blog
 

10 days post-op: feeling pretty groovy, today...

The first couple of days after surgery are a bit fuzzy, but that is to be expected. I tried to ween myself off the pain meds fairly quickly. Now, I only use them at night, if needed to help go to sleep. I haven't used them for the last couple nights. My new stomach and I are still trying to negotiate terms, and each day is spent trying to figure out what things we do and do not like. The only major hiccup I have had in this process is that I woke up this past Thursday night/Friday morning about 3:30am screaming in pain. It was an excruciating pain on the upper-right part of the abs, just under the rib cage. I suspected it was a gallbladder thing. I contacted the doc as soon as his office opened in the morning, and they had me come in for an exam. The doc seems to think it had something to do with gallbladder too. He sent me to get tested and have an ultrasound done of the area. By about 2pm in the afternoon, the pain left about as quickly as it came... and I was able to relax enough to fall back to sleep.   Something positive that came out of the doc visit is to see that I dropped almost 10 lbs since surgery. All together, I have lost like 47 lbs, I can hardly believe it. I'm almost at the 50 lbs mark since last spring. How is that even possible? I've never been this successful at losing weight... and most of that weight came off pre-op!   So, as I've approached (and maybe even hit) the 50 lbs mark, something I've noticed about my morning/evening walks with the dog is that I feel phenomenal. I mean, as I walk, it feels like there is less gravitational pull on my body... almost like what I would imagine walking across the surface of the moon would be like. I walk faster, the pressure that used to be on my knees and lower back is gone... and my clothing is hanging on me... making it feel like I'm flowing as I walk.   I know that people still seen the 300+ lbs version of me, but that version of me is becoming less by the day. I still have a long way to go before I hit my goal. However, with as fit and energetic as I feel at the moment, I see myself more as the person who has already hit that goal. I hope I can continue on this strong in the coming months as winter approaches.
Trace Lynne

Trace Lynne

0
Lite'N'Sweet's LapBand Life
 

2 Month Mark or "I like the one in the middle"

So my 2 month lapbandiversary is upon me and it's been an interesting ride thus far. A great one - but interesting. The first month was all about the weight just sloughing off of me and I was like WHOA. But as I started to pickup solids, that slowed down considerably. So I did the next logical thing I could think of -- work out harder. I do about an hour of exercise a day, between running 5K and doing some BeachBody home program, i'm always moving around and pushing myself. Which I know has created more muscle mass for my body to deal with. But the stamina I feel is UNREAL. Never before would I think that i could run 5K (i used the Couch 2 5K program by the way) that coached me along and a kick ass playlist that would kick in JUST when I thought I'd quit. It's almost like it knew I needed that little extra bit. I still marvel at the fact that I can go at a jogging pace for 28 minutes. When I first started... I couldn't get through the warm out without being out of breath. And that is real.   What i hate to reveal is that somewhere in there there are 5 lbs that have resurfaced on my body. I want to believe it's muscle weight. Cause that just makes me feel better. And I'm sure that it is, because all my clothes fit differently. i'm wearing stuff I haven't touched since before (or right after) my daughter was born. We're talking -- she just turned 3 years old. And I couldn't wear that stuff for all this time. So I won't kill myself over the lbs.... but in the same instance, I won't go changing all of my tickers to reflect the "weight gain".   Something great that did happen... the other day I was walking with a few friends after a memorial service for a dear departed friend gone too soon (he was only 43... and consequently is the new motivation in my head when I think I want to give up on getting better / healthier / slimmer). On our way from the church to the car in upper Harlem, there's a gang of people out out in the streets... it was hot and folks were on the street to get cool before they went to bed. The friends who accompanied me were slender and trim and always have been since I knew them in college. And I walked between them. So the men outside were catcalling "Ohhh... look at them... 1, 2 and 3...." "mm mmm mm... i wouldn't mind being warm next to them tonight..." and then finally, "Which one would I like.. the one in the middle... mmmmm hmmmm!" Now... under normal circumstances, I wouldn't give that man the time of day... but something weird happens when you're out of shape - no one notices you. You literally disappear although you're getting bigger and harder to miss. I'm aware there are a gang of feminist movements out there about women being catcalled and objectified in a society that belittles our worth and intrinsic value. But for just this moment... I reappeared on the map as a viable wantable thing... and I? LOVED IT. I smiled to myself and kept it moving. And will use it as fire in my little furnace of needing to be better.   Some visuals attached of my progress. I have to keep remember it's only been 2 months. 30 lbs is A LOT. And I shouldn't poopoo it. But I do... because I want more. But I'm also willing to work for it.   On to 40... October 1st, here I come!
Lite'N'Sweet

Lite'N'Sweet

1
MARILYNMONROE525's Blog
 

FEELINGS

September 4, 2014   Hi Everyone:   Well, this is my first post since joining the group. I took the 6-months of classes and passed all the tests and today I received my call saying my surgery will take place on September 30, 2014. I will never forget this date. It is already burned in my memory. Nor will I forget what I was doing at the time I received the call - in line at the market. I looked down into my shopping cart (the riding kind) and felt okay because I had 3 healthy choice meals. I said to myself, well my next trip to the market will be a lot different than today. I am trying to see myself in my mind's eye after the surgery. I can't see it. I guess this is normal. I haven't known what was normal for quite some time. I am so looking forward to the journey. I don't have a lot of family support, but I know you all out there are going through this with me. Thanks for going on this journey with me. I need you all.   26 Days to Countdown. Current Weight 278 (down from 317) Goal Weight 175
MARILYNMONROE525

MARILYNMONROE525

2
My personal Experience
 

My only regret? Not have done it sooner!

My only regreat is that I didn't do it sooner.   I had surgery 3 months ago on Friday. I can't say I was nervous, I was just so excited and I had done so much research and waited so long that i was just ready to cross that threshold! Surgery went well although due to my VERY HIGH BMI a second surgeon was needed to assist. My surgery was performed using the Da Vinci machine, 5 little incisions. I woke up a few hours later with awful dry mouth - SO THIRSTY, that was the worst of all. Pain I was expecting, but they kept me pretty drugged up. My friends had a real good time watching me make no sense at all. Surgery was on Thursday morning and I went home Saturday mid day. My experience was fantastic. Sure I had pain, but you expect a certain level of discomfort. I think it took about 7 days before the bloatness (they pump you full of air) started to subside and the incisions healed up real nice, although the main incision (where they remove the stomach though) was the last to heal and certainly caused muscle pain in the area, which lasted a bit longer. But again, I was expecting pain, although was not only bearable, after two days at home I no longer needed any major pain meds, just aleve for the muscle pain. No nausea. I had no problem drinking my water quota - 64 oz a day, although it took concentrated effort and good timing! I can say I was back at work on day 6 and by day 10 I was feeling like a pro - I sit behind a desk - so no efforts there, and driving within a week. The hardest part was really the liquid diet. I was ready for some consistency and varied flavors..   My first week I was highly concerned with my protein intake and paranoid - I was online comparing myself to others - PLEASE DO NOT DO THAT - many doctors drill down no less than 60-80 grams of protein, but my surgeon/NUT were not that worried at all. I was only allowed one 4 oz serving of protein shake. By week two I was over that and stuck by what my NUT/DOC said. I can't say I was entirely sold on only 3x 4oz meals a day, but I have been sticking to it! I felt so good that there were times I wondered if the doctor really removed 2 thirds of my stomach.. But every meal I had reminded me that he had - 5 little bites and I was stuffed. I did not stick to the foods progression plan after 3 weeks. I skipped the phase 2 blended food stages altogether. By week 3 I was adding soft, mushy fish, scrambled eggs and other soft proteins. Just a tiny amount and some definitely didn't work and came right back up. I never lost the pleasure of eating, although I had little to no hunger. I got to enjoy foods I would not indulge on otherwise, now that I ate so little I could afford it - like expensive salmon and Shark, and I even had a filet mignon, but honestly I don't feel the same way about red meats. The last meat to introduce was chicken - that is sort of dry. But I enjoyed being able to eat my proteins. I did not eat much in a way of carbs at all. I actually decided to go Paleo, not because I couldn't but because first priority is protein and when you only eat 12 oz of food a day, you better make sure you are eating the right foods. I had my first glass of wine at 2 months out and I did NOT get tipsy or drunk, but I also took an hour with that one little glass of wine. I rarely drink, as I think my liver deserves a break - it needs to break down all my fat! LOL   I have been seeing a counselor and attending a eating disorder support group, because I knew the honeymoon would not last forever and I needed to have the right support when I started to fall back into old mental habits. I have tried to be very proactive about this and see if from a 3 dimensional perspective. It's not just about the eating and the losing weight, it's about the emotional relationship with food and the fear of failure all of us, professional dieters feel. We failed so many times that we are just waiting for the other shoe to drop when things are going well - to which my counselor gently reminds me - BE MINDFUL. Eat mindfully. My counselor does rock!   My first melt down was actually yesterday ( be happy I didn't write yesterday) From surgery day - 3 months ago to today, I have lost 44 lbs, gone from a size 20/22 to a comfortable size 14, and lost a combined 20 inches. Naturally, that is not enough for me - I want to lose it ALL by tomorrow.. So when I completely fell off the NO SUGAR wagon and had a very small piece of the most amazing chocolate cake ever made by man - I went in panic mode. I had no control over that hormonal induced craving... That was the first time since surgery that I felt I was not in control. It was awful. Pre menstrual and very tired, all i wanted to do was eat sweets and salty snacks. Which I have not done since memorial day. I can't tell you how awful I felt and how much I cried. But remember I can only really fit 4-5 oz of food at the time, so even on my worst day, the weakest and unhealthy, I still lost .4 lbs... Thank you Banana!!! - (as I call my sleeve)   By this morning and after a good night sleep and a good cry, I woke up back to my new normal. Not starving, not craving the worst foods and not hating myself for being human. I got my power back (screw you hormones!)   The road to post surgery success is not a straight line. It can be confusing, and zig zag on you. (You WILL lose a lot of hair) It will be filled with plateaus and desappointment due to unrealistic expectations, and it will rock your world, because it doesn't change who you are at all. No surgery does that, although many people think that losing weight is the answer to all ailments - But it will be filled with empowerment and non surgery successes of all kinds, it will give you hope and lift you up!   I can wear bracelets and watches now - they fit loosely I can wipe my own butt without being a contortionist (sorry but I was that big) I can paint my toe nails and shave my legs again I can fit behind the wheel with plenty of room to spare I sleep much better I no longer hide from cameras! I am not hot all the time. My internal thermostat has adjusted itself My cholesteral is under 200 for the first time in 20 years (163 actually) I can see my colar bones I have a waist! (who knew?) I also have a knee, an ankle and you can actually see them. I enjoy shopping again - my teen loves that!   And the list goes on and on..   So if you ask me what is my biggest regreat about having Gastric Sleeve surgery? it's that I didn't do it sooner. If you have been through surgery, would love to hear about your experience. And if you have not yet, I wish you the best of luck and much success on your journey!   Mindfully, Karen
bormannk

bormannk

2
Kelly's Musings
 

First Steps

Well, I have had lots to say since the day I started talking but never put it in writing before. This should be interesting. Too bad I have to type it all out -I'd rather just talk into the mic like I do with texts on my iPhone!   Ok - 6 weeks out of surgery...   Week 1, down 7 now THAT's what I'm talking about!! (290)   Week 2, down 6 Oh I got this... so easy! (284)   Week 3, down 6, More food choices and it's still dropping away. Finally under 283 - that hump from hell I couldn't pass on my own! (279)   Week 4, down 2, Hmm, well ok, not great but still a loss. (277)   Week 5, down NOTHING! OMG!! Nada, Nyet, Rien!!! how can this be? How can the famous 3-4 month honeymoon phase be over already? I knew this was too good to be true. I'll probably wake up tomorrow and have gained 30 pounds! WTH! Ok, now really bummed. Am I really sticking to the program or do I just think I am? Maybe it's a fluke. Bad scale at gym... It did just get fixed so maybe it's way off. Hope so.   Week 6, down NOTHING! Ok now wait a darn minute. Depending on the scale, even gained 2! Although it seems like I'm taking in less than 800 calories a day, I think I need to be even more vigilant. Maybe it's what I'm eating. No more pudding and small pieces of bread. Maybe it's not about what I can tolerate as the doc says, but making better choices? In the first months you're supposed to lose almost no matter what you eat since you're eating so little. Maybe my body is used to the smaller amounts because of my pre-surgery diet and so there's not much impact.   Ok, I'm not giving up, I'm getting tough (and mad) at this fat. IT IS GOING!! So for the last 10 days I have had virtually no simple carbs and no sweets. Nothing but protein shakes, cottage cheese, yogurt, cheese stick here and there, and mainly fish with a few veggies. Also did some research on the rules and why they are as such... seems I was taking a few for granted, like the "no drinking with or 30 mins after a meal". Now I realize it's to keep you full longer as well as not wash the nutrients away before they're digested. Good to know. Also, protein and heavier, thicker things stay in the stomach longer than say... all the soup I was eating, so those food should keep me full longer.   I have noticed that I get hungry more often, obviously because my stomach empties more quickly. I like the protein shakes but I'm hungry not to long afterward. Hmmm. Need to get with Katie, the nutritionist to make sure I'm doing things right. Eating about 6 times a day but small and full of protein. With -315 or so from the gym, my calorie count is about 500-600 a day. So, why the hell am I not losing?   Theories - Maybe my body is used to the smaller amounts because of my pre-surgery diet and so there's not much impact. My body is in shock form the quick 19 pounds loss and is hording the calories fearing starvation? According to Ruth you always gain a pound or two before you lose a big amount. Rather than steady decline, it's a step like scenario, and I'll catch up with a big loss soon? 800 is too low, shoot for higher or your body thinks it's starving.   There are apparently many posts on this 4-6 week stall - happens to lots of people so I feel a little better about that. If I stay very much on track, then the laws of physics should apply soon. They have to. In the meantime, it is sure disheartening. I even cried. Feeling like the whole thing was pointless if I have to struggle so hard already. Really, it's the same damn policing work since now I'm going for 800 instead of 1,200. I was hoping that it would be simpler... not such a fight. I knew I'd have to eat well, but I thought I'd have no more hunger pains pulling at me. I thought the sleeve would make it easier to stay within the calorie count of 1,200. I chose 800 to speed things up and make the most out of the first year of tremendous weight loss, since I have so far to go.   I wanted 20 in month 1 and 10 per month thereafter, hoping for a loss of 60 and a weight of 237 by the time we go skiing in December. Stay tuned.   In the meantime, gotta stay devoted, focused, upbeat, and fierce.
okelly44

okelly44

2
Forsythia's Blog
 

Labor Day wrap up., and work musings.

So my Labor Day goal of 235.. I am at 239. Not bad. 235 was pretty ambitious. So 239 is excellent progress. In my four months post sleeve, I have averaged 18.75 lbs lost per month (obvi, the first month was was higher, like 30 lbs, but still..). I am completely in love with the overall consistency of my weight loss. I've had stalls and ups and downs, but my stalls all seem to be hormonally driven due to my period and water retention. I have to really work at getting all my water in, otherwise my body retains.   I've done really good at not falling into emotional eating. That is what I would do. Or boredom eating. Snacks while watching Game of Thrones. Getting cookies from the vending machines after a stressful call at work. Speaking of work, I put my two weeks notice in. Customer Service is not for me. I never did like it, and there is nowhere else I can go at this company that isn't a technical position. My husband is all stressed about the potential loss of income, but this change is necessary. I cannot allow myself to be miserable doing a job I hate that does nothing but bring me down (for an income that barely pays my bills by the way). I probably would have quit if I had not had surgery, but I might have languished until next year when I had more PTO to use. But there is no time like the present. I've spent 3.5 years being miserable at this job. I'm not sorry I put in my notice at all.
Forsythia

Forsythia

0
Pre-Op Diet, I control YOU
 

Day 4 of Pre-Op Diet

Day 4 of my Pre-Op Diet plan and I finally have control of my hunger and cravings. Day 1 was full of excitement with the "I am gonna do this" attitude, especially with my surgery date now set for 9/9/14. Day 2 was a real bugger with an unstoppable craving for...Doritos, which is not something I would normally eat even on an unhealthy binge. I ate so much sugar free Jello on Day 2 to try to avoid caving in to this ridiculous craving. Day 3 had me on a road trip trapped in the vehicle with my husband chowing down on a breakfast sandwich and a package of chocolate covered donuts. By day 3's end I was off-schedule, miserable from sugar highs and lows from untimely eating, and TIRED.   Today I felt good, I was not hungry, I didn't crave anything, and my mood was stable all day. I have made it a point to walk every day and although it was a rather short walk today, the self-discipline of getting out there and doing it was monumental. It is the little things that I push myself to do that will amount to weight loss success in the long run.
ambremm

ambremm

0
4me4them's Blog
 

Better Sleep (or what I learned at Miraval Health and Wellness Resort this weekend)

So my husband of almost 29 years booked us a long weekend at Miraval Health and Wellness Resort this weekend...a place I have wanted to go to since moving to AZ over 20 years ago. Why didn't we go before you might be asking...2 main reasons...1. It is kind of expensive and 2. I always thought I'd go when I was skinny (not healthy mind you but skinny). He is supportive of my weight loss surgery and he booked it as a 50th birthday celebration, and as a way to learn some tools that might help through this life changing journey I'm on to have successful weight loss with surgery. This is the first of a few posts to share what I learned.   The first class we did was called Better Sleep. I know my sleep struggles are neither unique nor are they as severe as some, but when I have a bad stretch it really screws up a lot of things. I was reminded that sleep is the ONLY time the body is in repair mode. It is doing all the maintenance stuff it needs to do to keep me going. Even one night of too little sleep messes up the body's ability to repair itself.   The RN who taught the class (you can access her Better Sleep Blog at the Miraval site here: http://www.miravalresorts.com/blog/post.cfm/6-myths-facts-on-adequate-sleep ) gave us what a "perfect day" designed to promote sleep would look like. Yep I said DAY. Many of the things we do all day long, including first thing in the morning can interfere with a good nights sleep So here goes: 1. Get up within 1/2 hour of the same time every day...even weekends. The body likes to know what is going on. Having wildly differing wake up times keeps it guessing too much so it tends to make you feel sleepy because it is worried that you wont give it enough. 2. Get some AM Sunshine. The color of light in early morning sunshine shuts off the body's natural melatonin production which is good because melatonin is a hormone that regulates the body's clock. 3. Get some AM Exercise. This is not to short those of you who like to exercise in the afternoon, but most people get an energy boost from exercise so it makes sense to time it early in the day....even better if you can combine numbers 2 and 3. 4. Confine caffeine to the morning. Double steep your tea to reduce the amount of caffeine you get from it (steep for 1 minute, throw that away and then steep to desired strength). 5. Carve out some time daily to drop your "hyper-aroused state" which is totally NOT a sexual thing . When we try to multi task, the body can interpret that as a danger...which engages the fight or flight response...which triggers cortisol...which is the stress hormone...which in an overabundance can do bad things . Some ways to do this: Set aside one hour in the AM and one hour in the PM when you will NOT MULTITASK. You will focus on one thing at a time for that period.
Use a calming "breath walk". Breath in through your nose for four steps, then release the breath for six steps and repeat... can be used when you are walking down the hall to another office, walking to your car...
6. Stay hydrated....I didn't write down why and now I can't remember....but I underlined it so it must be important 7. Stop eating 2-3 hours before bed time. Food energizes body functions which is not what you want when trying to wind down.   I had a hard time with this next part....Bed is for sleeping and sex only! I LOVE to read in bed before turning out the light....have done it since I learned how to read. When I asked her about it after the lecture, she said to try the other things first...but to realize that reading may be too stimulating and if the other things don't work I may have to change that habit.   Tomorrow I'll post about creating a night time ritual....something I'm trying for the first time tonight...so I'll let you know how it goes! Beth
4me4them

4me4them

0
Traci's Blog
 

It really happened

My surgery was on Thursday, 8/28... I was in the hospital Thursday, Friday, and they let me go home yesterday. I was a bit loopy all of Friday, and I wasn't completely there yesterday. Luckily, my nephew was able to hang out with me all afternoon.   I told my nephew that one task I've been assigned from the doc is to release the CO2 that is caught in my gut. He made a game of it and started rating my releases on a scale of 1-10. After a while, he started to join in. I mean, what teenaged boy would pass up a gas passing contest??   At one point, we were laughing so hard that things got a little out of control, however, I feel a lot less like the balloon I came home as. I mean, this is about how I felt (link below)   http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Tv6DJxVDN-Y/UK573JF6a2I/AAAAAAAAB3o/dH6KjTjJoSQ/s400/violet-beauregarde.jpg   I feel a bit groggy today, but that is to be expected. I don't hurt anywhere, just am a bit uncomfortable at times. I managed to consume about 600 calories yesterday and about half the water I need. I'm glad I haven't hit that point that so many people talk about when they are nauseated and/or throwing up. I'm taking the pain meds as needed. Mostly, before I lie down to sleep.   I'm sticking to the doc's orders on how to consume food and how much to move. Just not quite to the amount he wants me to be consuming. It feels weird that I have no hunger or appetite, I'm consuming as best as I can, and thinking of it more like medicine than food. Something to keep me healthy and going while I recover.
Trace Lynne

Trace Lynne

0
Alaskan Man
 

INTO 5 WEEKS OUT

It's August 30th and I had my sleeve surgery on July 22nd. Weighed 320 then and weighed 340 two weeks before the surgery. Am at 275 now for for a total loss of 45 pounds since surgery date. Feels good to have dropped so much weight in so little time. Still not hungry very often and starting to eat some solid food. Feels great to throw away big cloths. Not buying much for new cloths till next month when we go back to Maine from Alaska. Goal is to be around 240 or less by Christmas time
CHS

CHS

1
Amberlydw8's Blog
 

Goodbye antacids! Hello Peppermint!

I love Peppermint Oil !!!!   So I know allot of us have had problems with our tummies post-op. I wanted to share how I found relief. That acid reflex or what ever i am supposed to call it is a pain! I am 18 months out from surgery. I don't get it every day anymore, but there are some things that really set it off... Coffee is one of them... No I have not given it up yet, maybe someday but not today...lol And then there are some days that I don't even know what triggered my discomfort.   I don't know about all of you but I really don't like over the counter meds... They seem to cause more problems and adverse side effects than the things they are trying to fix. So I started looking for more natural remedies and came across Essential Oils! Now, be aware... You must be careful not to get just any oil from the store or even the health food store. Many "essential oils" are not meant for internal use, and they will say so on the bottle. I get mine through Young Living. They are guaranteed pure therapeutic grade essential oils and have been distilled very carefully!   Anyway... Back to the awesomeness... Peppermint oil is what I was getting too... I can take one drop of peppermint oil under my tongue and within moments... I mean less than a minute! I feel fine! My tummy is back to normal and I can go on with the rest of my day! I am so sold on the stuff! I ran out the other day and almost cried...lol Not to mention, peppermint oil can also be used for headaches, to bring down fevers, help with pain and even help with allergies!   I know that many of us have had a hard time with our tummies after surgery. I hope I have been able to help even one person. If you want more info on getting these oils just let me know
Amberlydw8

Amberlydw8

2
DizzyLizzie's Blog
 

Quality of Life

Hi, I am Lizzie and I'm 56 years old.   At present, I am waiting...waiting...waiting for my Surgeon's appointment on 2 October to discuss Gastric Sleeve Surgery. I am hoping that he will see and understand my frustration and hopelessness over my long term battle with my still increasing weight. It has really started to affect me much more physically now and in many other ways too private for discussion here at present.   I was not overweight as a child, my weight was gained after each of my three pregnancies; followed by emotional & stress eating; many episodes of depression and medication and lack of exercise. I can't list how many "diets" I've been on over those 34 years, there is not enough room here. I have been successful a few times in this period in reducing my weight, but after time it was always regained and then some.   A turning point came in my life back in 2003, after I had a "lightbulb moment" after watching Dr Phil McGraw on an Oprah show episode. I don't know how it happened to this day, but on that day something switched in my brain and I just knew what I had to do. It was something special and it's never happened to me again, so who knows, maybe it was divine. I rejoined Weightwatchers yet again, (my height being 172cm (5'8") weighing in at 112.8kg (249lbs) and reaching my goal weight of 73kg (160lbs) in 11 months. I lost another 5kg slowly after that, maintaining at around 149lbs. It was the most successful I've ever been at anything. I stationary-cycled twice a day for only 10 mins at the start because I couldn't walk because of foot & heel pain, then a few months later, a very much lighter me took up walking every day for 30-45mins.   My bubble burst in 2007 when I was diagnosed with early breast cancer. After two surgeries and 6 weeks of radiotherapy, the stress changed me and again I suffered Depression. Medication, lethergy and overeating contributed to my slow weight gain over the next few years and while I improved for a while and took up walking again, I could not get rid of the weight. A couple of years ago I weighed 106kg (234lbs) and now I weigh 121kg (267lbs). I can't walk far because of foot & heel pain and a sore back. I've had enough! ENOUGH! I've tried and tried and TRIED!!!   I consider myself a smart person. I've been to dieticians, psychologists, a psychotherapist, joined gyms, read books, tried medications, healthy eating, shakes and all the rest!! This weight is killing me emotionally and I need a way out before it does kill me in every sense. My growing bitterness, hopelessness and isolation is affecting my relationships. I have two young granddaughters who I cannot play with properly. I can hardly put my socks on or get up off the floor. I'm 56 not 86!!! My self-esteem is at an all time low at present. I feel so "less than" - no positive thinking can fix me now. I am desperate...desperate enough to now finally consider gastric surgery...some of my friends and family would just scoff if they knew, but they CANNOT know how much pain I am in, so I've realised (once again) in my life - the only person that can rescue me...is me!...and I'm going to DO it!!! I am just so tired of running, tired of pretending, tired of putting up with it and tired of ignoring my needs.   I know this surgery is only a "tool" but a powerful one and I need to get back Power and take Control of my life. I want to feel good about myself and to just feel "normal". I want to be healthy. I want to walk again and get fit again. I want better relationships with the people in my life and I want to travel - be able to walk & climb & explore. I want to "participate" in life and not just stand on the sidelines and I want to play with my grandchildren and see them grow up. Is this too much????????????   I hope my experience helps someone here because reading about other's success after surgery, is giving me my hope back. Thank you!   Lizzie
DizzyLib

DizzyLib

2
Fibro Diva's Bariatric Blog
 

Post Surgical Body Issues

Throughout my sleeve journey, I've been working out and trying to minimize the post-surgical sagging. Despite my efforts, I have body issues: bat wing arms,
potatoe sack thighs, and
a thut [a but that literally sags into my thighs with no definition between these body parts].
I don't know if this is due to the rapid weight loss or because I am fast approaching 60 years old [thus the result of aging], or, a combination of the two.   No matter the reason, I'm exercising. I've been working with both a physical trainer and a physical therapist and developed an exercise program that supposedly will address my body issues while being appropriate for my Fibromyalgia/chronic pain and over 50 age group.   I joined a gym in Chicago, for when I am home, and utilize the fitness center in my daughter's apartment complex in Milwaukee/Brown Deer when visiting her and my granddaughter. I'm worried about working out too much because now I'm losing volume in the girls [my breast].   On top of this, I have developed keloids at the surgical incision sites. I expected them, as an African American, I've had problems with them in the past. I've tried using cocoa butter, shea butter, etc. to no avail.   Short of surgery, I guess there's nothing I can do about the sagging. I found some suggestions for handling keloids naturally. Guess I'll try them.
FibroDiva

FibroDiva

2
Switching it Up
 

September 18th, 2014

That's the date I'll be making my way onto the 'Loser's Bench'! I just got the call today, from my insurance company no less.   My paperwork was originally submitted around 8/4. I gave it a week, called my insurance company and found out it was sitting in the wrong fax queue. So glad I called! This awesome rep, Cynthia, personally got the docs, checked them to make sure there weren't any obvious exclusions (i.e. my hospital wasn't a Center of Excellence or whatever BCBS's term is) and then pushed it over to the correct department. She then followed up with me 3 days later to let me know it was there but a case number hadn't generated yet.   She said I'd hear back on Monday, but I didn't (which really, I wasn't bothered by), but I did follow-up on my on Wednesday. Got through to the right department only to find out that my file was still sitting in someone's pending queue and, again, hadn't been touched. The rep got his supervisor involved and he personally started the process of creating the case. I got a call later that night from Cynthia, giving me the case number and telling me she'd be following the case personally. This was last Friday.   I called yesterday, got a rep that wasn't quite as helpful but did find out that my case was still 'Pending'. My plan was to call again on Wednesday, since I wanted to be sure it didn't sit in pending for days. Lo and behold, I got a call this afternoon and it was Cynthia letting me know that the procedure had been approved, along with a 2 day hospital stay. WHAT?   So the next hour was a flurry of activity that involved checking on my husband's paperwork, getting it faxed again (they didn't get the actual paperwork for some reason) and then scheduling my appointments. Sadly, we discovered that in order to have my surgery at the hospital that's about 10min from home, I'd have to wait until November to schedule. While there's nothing wrong with waiting, there are various reasons that I really wanted to be sure this was done before the end of October. Fortunately the surgeon had 1 slot opened at his other hospital, about 40min away, that was his last before he went on vacation for a few weeks.   So September 18th it is! The next 2 weeks are going to be relatively busy, so I don't even think I'm going to notice the wait.   Next week I have my pre-surgery education class on 9/3. I'm looking forward to that and getting more information about what Dr. Srikanth expects post-op.   On 9/8 I start my 10-day, clear liquid diet. My husband has already said he and the kids will be staying in a hotel from 9/10 until surgery.   On 9/15 I have my final consultation where I'm sure we'll go over a lot more information.   Then at 5am on 9/18 we make the 40 minute drive to get me checked in for surgery.   This will be the first time since I was 17 that I'll be going under general anesthesia for longer than 30 minutes. This will be only the second time I'm having any sort of major surgery.   I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared - I am. There's a lot of 'unknown' ahead of me, but also so much promise.
Lexibelle

Lexibelle

1
LaVerne's Journey
 

Moving along

I had another appointment with my surgeon yesterday. He was extremely happy with my food journals. My Upper GI, chest x-ray and EKG were great. And I've lost 9 pounds! He had told me his best expectation of his new patients was about 4 lbs in a month. I more than doubled that! It's paying off! I feel pretty impatient at most times, and just ready to get this surgery, but knowing all that I'm going through is really paying off, makes all the waiting worth while.   So then we talk about my other outstanding appointments & that they'll be completed next week. He says, great! Then here's your blood work orders, get your PCP to send over their records and recommendation letter. Come back to see me next month and we'll set your surgery date! I was floored! Really? So soon? I don't have to wait forever & ever?! You couldn't have knocked the grin off my face. Then we talked for a minute about my insurance. I had spoken to them a few weeks ago & was expecting to be mailed all of the requirements, etc, of bariatric surgery, but it never came. I explained that from my understanding, I would need the 6 consecutive month weight loss attempt - documented by a Dr, of course. He told me, no worries, if that's what we have to do, we'll just keep seeing you every month until we get there. And that's fine.   We talked about this to the lady in the office that works closest with the insurance companies. She tells me she should have the policy already. She finds it, prints it out and gives me a copy. We're looking over it and sure enough, there's that stipulations - six months documented attempt, blah, blah, blah. So I leave the office. I had another appointment to get to. Actually with my PCP, so I'm all fired up to find out if last year's phentermine attempt had me in the office for 6 consecutive months. I'm crossing every finger, toe and eyeball in hopes that I won't have to wait another 4-5 months.   As I'm waiting to be called back, I find the next point in the stipulations - the six month documented attempt will be waived if the patient has a BMI of greater than or equal to 50. (I have a BMI of 53/54) Fireworks went off in my chest! Really?! So, that means, I can get my surgery date next month?! Do you have any clue how excited this made me? I was literally sitting in my Dr's waiting room, reading from this huge stack of papers and wiping tears from my eyes. I couldn't wait to get out of the Dr's office so I could go back to the surgeon's office to let everyone know what I found! Sounds crazy and dramatic, but I was crazy with excitement! And I also had forgotten to make next month's appointment, so I needed to go back anyway. I showed the ladies what I'd found and they were all so happy for me.   My surgeon has such a wonderful team. I'm so blessed to have found them. Everyone is so supportive and welcoming. They treat you like family and it's a wonderful feeling. I know I'm in good hands and I'm so thankful for this feeling of confidence in them.   So now I just have to get a few things out of the way - Tuesday I'll have my Dietitian and Exercise specialist appointments. The following Saturday, I have my second/final session with the psychologist and one day I'll drop by the hospital for my blood work. Then I see Doc again on September 22nd to set my surgery date. I'm coming into the home stretch! I'll be sleeved within two months and I am barely containing my excitement.   Thanks again for reading my ramblings. Best of luck to each of you, no matter where you are in your journey!
<3 Carolina Girl <3

<3 Carolina Girl <3

0
Onederful Opportunity
 

The Difference Between Guessing It and Seeing It

I've been known to not see the forest for the trees meaning I can miss the big picture because I was fixated on a small detail. I've been working on it for decades... literally. Well today I received another wake up call that I can't believe hit me so strongly even though I've been wandering through this "forest" of my weight for quite some time especially considering my family history.   Let's start with my family history. I come from a large family that came from large families. By large I mean both in number and in size. My father is 6'2" and he's quite fit and healthy always has been but he's one of the lucky ones. His brothers and sisters are all large - some exceedingly so - but the problems only begin there. Most of my family has high blood pressure. Many have diabetes and of my six brothers and sisters I'm the only one with a weight problem but I'm also the one without high blood pressure or diabetes. I was always lucky like that.   But with my weight I always had another fear lingering in my head: my paternal Grandmother. She passed away at 39 years old of a heart attack. My father was hardly 15 years old and she died 5 days before Christmas. She left 8 children that she had nearly back to back and my Grandfather who pined for her until he joined her in heaven nearly 40 years later. She was easily 400lbs but stood well over 6 feet tall and towered over my Grandfather in pictures. I loved her confidence to wear heels and his to stand next to such a statuesque woman.   Her death left many scars as you could imagine. Dying that young of heart disease is frightening but when you're the only person in your immediate family who shares her body style it's even more frightening. I remember every, single day of my 39th year wondering if that was going to be me. Is that my lot since I didn't get the other diseases? It was scary. I remember my Aunt saying, "In this family the women through parties when they hit 40!" I wondered if I would hit it too. I did and kept on my yo-yo dieting trail.   So what happened today? I had to retest my H. Pylori test since the results were inconclusive. I asked the phelbotomist if she could tell me my A1c since my husband (Type 1 Diabetic) was curious. She asked me if I wanted a print out to compare my numbers after surgery. I said sure.   When I got home I started really looking at the results and came across a cardiac test. The range they were looking for was between 1-10 and I got 8.42. I was fine with that. In the range. All of my things were in the range. I was good, right? After looking at it several times I looked at the risk analysis that was in smaller print below it. It said this test determines the presence of inflammation etc with the following risk assessments:   Low Risk <1 Med Risk 1-3 High Risk >3   Wait! High Risk is greater than 3 and I'm sitting on 8.42? If I was over 10 they would have most likely done additional testing. Now this isn't the end all be all of risk and I'm sure if it was a major concern my doctor would have told me but I can't shake that I always knew there was a risk and that I was most likely in that risk. But to SEE it was totally different.   On days when this is really tough and I can tell just from reading blogs that this is going to be very challenging I will remember this and think of the Grandmother I never got to meet but I share so much DNA with and I will not break down but handle it and live well into my 40s and beyond for BOTH OF US.
rhodywoman

rhodywoman

0
Traci's Blog
 

Soul searching in the 10th hour...

I have three full days left before surgery. These last couple of days have been a little more difficult. I'm supposed to be on all liquids, no protein bar. I want nothing more than to chew something. I want to eat food. My craving for food in my mouth has consumed my thoughts today. I couldn't focus on anything else for very long. I haven't gotten anything done that needed to be done. I have been sticking to the plan, but it is so difficult. I've spent much of today angry and grumpy... and crying from the frustration I feel. The dog and cat have done their best to distract me. I actually took a nap earlier today. I don't typically nap.   Lost in thought today, trying to distract myself, I went through a whole roller coaster of emotions. In less than 5-days' time, I will be sitting in the hospital, surgery will be completed, and the tool I've been waiting 10 years to deploy will be in hand. I will be past that milestone, past the anxiety and nerves I feel today. I will have the rest of my life ahead of me, without being controlled by the constant hunger I've felt for the last couple years. I will be able to get into shape and live the life I've always wanted.   I've lost my youth in this process. I am 35 years old, I'm no longer the 20-something idealist who wanted to save the world. I am no longer the person who stayed out to all hours of the night partying and dancing. I missed most of the things I wanted to do in my mid-20s, because I was so caught up in working long hours, doing my master's degree, and getting ahead. That isn't what I wanted for myself. I hardly made time to date in my 20s. I had a boyfriend during college, and a couple short-term things since. Most of my adult life has been on my own. My nephew once asked me why I would choose such a lonely existence.   ... This is where some of the soul searching comes in...   For as long as I can remember, I have feared relationships, just as much as I have feared being on my own. I always wanted someone to love me... but I was always the fat girl, the weird girl... I didn't fit into anyone's mold or ideal. I grew up in a small town, and I was never asked out by the boys I went to school with... not once... Not my entire time in high school... I did have a date to junior and senior proms, but that was because I dragged along friends who were younger than me (and in band with me). I was always told there was something wrong with me, and I feared I would always be alone. In college, I started dating someone my first year, and I held on to that shred of hope for 4 years past the expiration date. He was horrible to me, and he even admitted that to me years later. I wanted so desperately to have someone be there for me, that I let him drag me down. It was the worst break-up I could have ever imagined. It took my years to want to try dating again.   After college, I thought work and grad school could help me fill the void I have always felt in my life. I loved my job and used to joke about how I was married to my work. I did my best in school, and my last semester gpa was 3.54. I was doing so well. Then I broke up with my job in my early 30s, or rather, I moved on. I was ready for a new adventure. I was promoted and one of the youngest people at my level in the entire department. I thought I was doing so well. I thought I could take on the world, and started dating again, all of the wrong people. Within a few months, I was so incredibly miserable. Oh, and let's not forget about all of the money I spend to fill the void. I bought a house, had a new car, filled my house completely... I had so many clothes that I couldn't possibly wear them all. I filled the closet in my room, the office, and the upstairs room. I decided to moonlight as a photographer to help distract me from how miserable I was at work and in my relationships. I had all this amazing equipment, $1000s of equipment.   In dating the wrong people, I felt so worthless. The last guy I dated would come to visit on the weekend, and we would do nothing but fight. Or rather, he would spend a couple hours yelling at me about everything, my house was a mess, i was too fat, I worked too much, you name it... we would go through the spiel, every weekend. He left me and moved on... was married by the following summer. I was devastated that I meant so little to someone that they could turn around and marry another less than a year after we had been making plans for the long-term. I was done. I couldn't take it anymore. I had one of those moments in life where I sat at a crossroads, and a quote from my favorite movie popped in my head. It was time to get busy living or get busy dying. I chose living. I made a radical change that shocked everyone. The next day I put in my 2-weeks' notice at work, I got rid of my stuff, I turned my house back over to the bank, I packed up my camera, laptop, and some clothes and I hit the road. I ended up in a small village in central america, working with a non-profit and feeling free and like myself for the first time since I was in college. I was living off my savings, with the intent to continue south, working along the way as I could find it.   Unfortunately, family issues summoned me back to the US within a year. I wasn't done with my journey, but things needed to be handled state-side. Not to mention, I had a few loose ends to tie up before departing further into the jungle. I had not finished my master's degree. I stopped 1 class shy and took a break for personal reasons. I had some stuff in storage that I need to rid myself of. I need to lose my excess weight and get healthy again.   Sorry... tangent...   I came across someone while I was traveling who was rather insightful... She told me that there were still things I needed to fix about myself and how I perceive myself. She said that I would not be happy in a relationship until I am happy with myself. Looking back, she was right, I was always miserable in those relationships. I was never searching for a partner for the right reasons. I don't know if I know what those reasons are, or if I will ever know. She told me that I would be in my mid-to-late 30s before I felt alive and whole, but I needed to do that for myself before bringing another into the equation.   Its been a couple years, I'm state-side... I'm now 35 years old... and everything fell into place to allow me to have surgery just a few months after my birthday. Looking back, I am sorry that I missed out on the vibrance of what could've been my 20-something life, but I'm convinced I needed to have those experiences to truly be ready for these moments over the next few days, weeks, months, years... If I would've opted for the surgery in my mid-20s, I would have not taken the chance to find myself. I did, in the jungles of central america, find myself more than any other moment I've had. I was on my own two feet, I was in a place I didn't speak the language, I felt good with the work I did. Most importantly, I was not defined in terms of anyone else. I was strong, independent, free willed... and the only thing that stopped me from continuing further on the journey was a choice I made to return state-side and help my family.
Trace Lynne

Trace Lynne

2
4me4them's Blog
 

Yeah...not so much

So this entry is an "OK news" bad news one. I wasn't able to pull it together last week. The stress kicked my butt and the result was a 3 pound gain on the scales. Now I'm under the gun because the only thing my NUT said on 07 August was....don't gain! Ugh. So I have two weeks to get down 4 pounds so that I can go in at least one pound lighter on 08 Sept.   It was a very humbling experience. I thought I had this. I thought I had turned a corner on my relationship with food...but yeah....not so much. Looking back I can even see that I was a bit cocky...   So what did I learn?   1. For me white flour is my gateway drug. I can not consume bread, pasta or other things made from wheat flour and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Maybe I never will and I will have to get over it.   2. I still have the "all or nothing" mentality. Yes it was a very stressful week, but my job at times is stressful and I need to develop stress coping skills that do not involved food. I need to figure out how to rebound sooner...one unhealthy day can not become one unhealthy week!   3. The biggest thing I learned is that I do need this surgery. I had 5 healthy weeks, hit my NUTs calorie, carb and protein goals, logged all my food, exercised, felt great...the whole nine yards....and I started to think maybe I COULD do it without surgery....but yeah....not so much.   So my goal for today is no flour! My goal for tomorrow is to start using myfitensspal again and start exercising again. I'll let you know how it goes! Beth
4me4them

4me4them

2
Traci's Blog
 

Pre-Op w/Surgeon - Green Lighted for Surgery!

I did it! I did it! During my initial appointment with the surgeon in July, he stated that I needed to lose another 15 lbs prior to surgery. My Pre-op appointment with him was yesterday. I've 16 lbs since my appointment with him in July, and I've been greenlighted for surgery next week. Yes, a week. I'm now at 7 days and counting. My nerves are a bundle, and my excitement is off the chart.   I have lost over 30 lbs since my birthday at the end of MAY (in 3 months' time). That is crazy. No other attempt to lose weight has been this 1) consistent or 2) successful. I'm fitting back into my dress clothes that I bought last summer when I returned from working in Central America. Still need to drop another 50 lbs to be pre-knee injury/surgery weight... but I'm getting there. I now have less than 200 lbs before I hit my goal.   Sorry, my thoughts are not cohesive today. Lots of things on my mind. I start my all liquid/no solids consumption tomorrow.   To do pre-surgery list: 1) start all liquids (8/22) 2) do final blood draw (8/22-8/25) 3) pre-registration call with the hospital (8/26) 4) final pre-op nurse check-in/weigh-in (8/26) 5) get my POA documentation signed/notarized/filed (8/26) 6) review/go through 24 hour pre-op checklist (8/27) 7) pack for hospital stay (8/27) 8) stop all liquids by midnight (8/27) 9) show up to hospital (8/28)   My leave of absence from work has been handled. My work is being temporarily transitioned to a co-worker while I'm gone... my nephew will be taking care of the house/dog/cat while I'm gone. I should see if my trainer will get a pic of me tonight when I go workout. That would be fun to see a difference, even from a few weeks ago.   Waiting it the worst... patience is not my forte... sigh.
Trace Lynne

Trace Lynne

0
Onederful Opportunity
 

Minor Setback, Not Discouraged

I had my pre-op follow up and it's been the first time that I've seen my actual surgeon since March. All of my pre-op work is done, all evaluations passed, all done, done, done. I was looking forward to hearing these words from my doctor: Your surgery date is... I didn't hear it. I'm glad I didn't hear it because if there's something wrong I want to know before surgery, not after where there could be complications.   Apparently, my blood work showed that I have been exposed to H. pylori which is a bacteria that is found in 50% of the population. Although there are some symptoms to having it but most people are asymptomatic so they have no outward symptoms that there's anything wrong. I am one of those people. Thank God.   But the issue with H. pylori is two-fold.It's my understanding (I am not a doctor) that If I have an active infection they need be sure that it's handled prior to surgery. They do this with a couple weeks of antibiotics and then re-testing to ensure that it's gone. The second issue is the overall health of my stomach since having RNY the "main" part of my stomach that is separated from the pouch will have limited access to it after surgery.   Best case scenario: No active infection, healthy enough for surgery and I can be in the OR in early September. Worst case scenario: Antibiotics until infection is clear and I can be cleared for surgery once they ensure that I'm healthy enough to do it. October or November.   Normally, I'd be panicking or freaking out but I'm actually grateful. Despite being 327lbs I dont' have high blood pressure, diabetes, or any other co-morobidity. I'm grateful that my testing showed that other than carrying this extra weight I'm otherwise healthy. This minor setback is exactly that: a minor setback. If it becomes a major setback then it becomes just that: a major setback. Either way I'm going to follow doctor's orders and stay the course.   I should find out in a couple of days the results of the testing that will determine the next move. Until then... I just keep breathing.
rhodywoman

rhodywoman

1
Christina44's Blog
 

First Support Group

So tomorrow is my first bariatric surgery support group. I am nervous meeting new people but excited that I will meet people who have been through this and their experiences...as well as meet people with the same fears as my own. I am in month two of the process so I need four more months to wait. Four months seems to be such a short amount of time. I could cry I am so happy that I will be able to be healthy again. I have gained four pounds since I started this journey. I needed to lose ten pounds for this surgery. Now I need to lose fourteen. I realize that is not a lot in the whole scheme of things. It intimidates me though. So my goal is to start rolling up my sleeves and exercising and eating right tomorrow. I say tomorrow because the kids are going back to school then and I will actually have time to walk and stuff. I bought two different types of protein drinks and a bunch of veggies and minimal fruits (fruits are full of sugar my nutritionist said) So here goes!!!!! I am on my way!
Christina44

Christina44

0
Forsythia's Blog
 

Update on my personal Labor Day challenge goal, and some other random stuff!

You might recall my Labor Day goal that I posted in a blog entry awhile back. That goal was 235. As of this morning, I am 240.5. I think I can do it, kids!!! I originally thought it would be a stretch but it appears to be close at hand. Honestly anything in the 230s will make me pleased as punch. I am going back to Indiana that weekend to see my parents (It is also my Mom's birthday on the 30th) and I know they will be proud of my weight loss. They have not seen me since Memorial Day. That was only a few weeks post surgery, maybe 25 lb lost. Now I'm over 70 lbs lost. My Dad is utterly fascinated by the whole thing. He and I have always struggled with our weight. So he is really happy that I am losing so much and being so successful. He says he is too old to have such a surgery (he's 72, but I think he could do it just fine, we tend to be good healers), so I think he is living vicariously through me.   Yesterday I had my belated 3 month visit. Dr. Hungness was so pleased with my progress. He actually seemed quite floored when I told him I am in the gym 5 days a week. I seem him again in three more months - so six months post op. He said they will be doing some labs. We'll find out if my vitamin D level has recovered. Although my nurse practitioner will probably be drawing for my HgA1C sooner than that since she manages my diabetes. She usually tests for Vitamin D and most of the tests he will be looking for. My daily sugar levels continue to be good. In the mornings I used to always be scary high. Now I am consistently between 85 and 110.   I had an exercise related NSV while at the gym yesterday. I used to always get pins and needles when I used the elliptical after about 15 minutes. Basically it was like my feet were falling asleep. I used to struggle to do 20 minutes on it - not because I was exhausted, but because the pins and needles were so painful. Yesterday I was on the elliptical for 35 minutes. I realized about 30 minutes in that the pins and needles were not happening at all. So clearly that issue was due to me being over 300 lbs.   And, I got this outfit from fabletics.com (my apologies if you cannot see it): http://www.fabletics.com/index.cfm?action=shop.viewproduct&featured_product_location_id=0&product_id=1439782&psrc=my_looks&master_product_id=1439782&original_master_product_id=1439782   I wore the tank to the gym yesterday. It was a little bit exposing. But no one looked at me strangely. No one said I was too fat for it. There was no side eye! I'm just so happy to have more choices in gym wear!
Forsythia

Forsythia

0
LaVerne's Journey
 

I'm still standing

It's not getting much easier. I'm sticking with the diet changes that I'm supposed to make, but they are not easy! Sometimes I just want a sandwich! Or a bowl of cereal. That used to be a great, easy dinner when I didn't feel like cooking. We've been eating eggs a lot lately. When I make them over medium (with the yolk still runny), I just want a piece of white bread to sop up that yolk! It's the best thing in the world when you can't have it. I can do without pasta - except for Aunt Faye's mac & cheese that I only get on holidays. That's my only pasta vice. I will have a bite (or 3) of that at Christmas time - no matter what. Hopefully by then I'll have had surgery and be well enough to be ok with the occasional treat. Don't get me wrong, I'm not planning my cheats even before I get my surgery date. There are so many things that I shouldn't have that I can absolutely see myself never wanting again. And I am ok with that. I would be totally satisfied if I never had spaghetti noodles with my meatballs & sauce again. Like I said, pasta isn't a big thing for me, unless you put a pan of Aunt Faye's mac & cheese in front of me... I would be completely happy to never have white bread again - I'll be just as happy with some yummy whole grain ONCE IN A WHILE. There are too many sugar free options for me to worry about every having sugar again, no worries there. Rice - eh - not a big deal to me. I would like to be able to have some really good sushi again, but I'm sure my sleeve will only allow so much. I'm ok with that. I'll just make sure that I have the best quality to make up for the quantity. Potatoes aren't that big of a deal for me either. Who doesn't love a nice baked potato or yummy garlic mashed potatoes, but I'd much rather have that filet. I can make those choices and not feel deprived. I'll be fine with it.   Do you see what I've done here? It was not my intention to write about what I can do. It was my intention to rant a little and let off steam about how much I just wanted to give up. But here I go - I've convinced myself that I can do without these things. I've turned my head hunger around just a little bit and reminded myself that I don't need it. I know someday I'll be able to add some of these starches back into my life, but for now, they aren't priority.   Yes, I miss bread & rice & potatoes! I'm only human. But I can make this journey. I can do what I have to do. I want to do this! I need to do this! My life depends on this. In my first consultation, Doc told me that my chances of living to age 65 were 10%. I'm 35 years old. I never thought it was this bad. I knew I was fat - that was never a secret. I knew I was doomed to high blood pressure & diabetes. It's all over my family. But I never thought I'd hear someone tell me that I probably wasn't going to make it to retirement age. My last two years have been tough medically. And it seems to never end. I truly believe that it can all be alleviated, or at least helped, if I could just get rid of this weight. I'm carrying around enough weight to almost equal 3 of my 14 year old daughter. WOW! That's a lot! I can not continue to live like this.   I don't know where I'm finding this discipline, but I thank God for it. It's so hard. I just pray it will be worth it in the end.
<3 Carolina Girl <3

<3 Carolina Girl <3

2

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