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Kelly's Musings
 

Cruising Along

So, when the stall broke, it broke! I lost 6 pounds, then 3 the next week, and finally 4 last week. Now THAT feels more like it. Believing that a stall will end is different from seeing it happen. I feel so much more positive! I hope that I can keep this in mind the next time I hit a stall or what some folks call a set point. I haven't been this low in so ling, I have no idea what that next set point might even be!   Still kind of annoyed with myself for being such a slave to the scale - I am just on cloud nine when I see a loss. I love the feeling but have to not get upset when I don't see the loss I want or any loss.   it's seeming kind of easy right now, dare I say? I'm not restricting myself to 800 calories, but I shoot for that and usually end up somewhere between 800 & 1000. So far, this feels right, feels good. i was losing 2 pounds a week on 1,200 so the doc said anything under that is great. So, with few exceptions, I'll keep it around 1000 max. And, you know, it's not all that hard, especially if I stay busy during the day. In the old days, strict restrictions made me starving by dinner and I invariably ate too much. Now of course, I can only eat a certain amount, feel full and so I stop. Wonderful!   Some things I need to continue working on though...   1. Stopping when full, not stuffed 2. Not feeling compelled to eat everything on the plate or waste it. 3. Not listening to my mouth which wants to taste more, when my stomach is saying "no thanks!" 4. Eating mindfully, meaning being fully aware and focused on what and how much I am eating.
okelly44

okelly44

0
Flipstash's Blog
 

My 1st appointment did NOT go well! :(

So...I have to say I am sadly disappointed with my first appointment! The first thing that bugged me was the insurance deal....my insurance covers 100% of bariatric surgery!! Sounds wonderful right? Well this clinic stated I had to have TWO doctors assigned to me...one was IN NETWORK and the other, conveniently, OUT OF NETWORK. What is THAT? I bantered a bit, making it clear how shady this seems, but they kept the conversation moving. I felt unheard and dismissed. Second, I was told I am a better candidate for the bypass and NOT the sleeve. The reasoning was just unreasonable!! It felt to me the real reason was they get more money! I also learned I need to see a cardiologist, which is neither here nor there, and I have already made that appointment. (Sorta saw that coming anyway) So...I will continue to keep this option on my plate, but NOT with this clinic! I need to deal with the heart thing first. I can live fat, but I can't live without a heart! I had high hopes and I am a bit disappointed, but they are not the only game in town! Who knows, maybe I'm looking down the barrel of a triple by-pass and I will lose a huge chuck healing from that! Onward and upward!!
Flipstash

Flipstash

2
Onederful Opportunity
 

W A I T I N G

"A watched pot never boils."   I can hear my mother say this in my head as I type. I know it's true but it doesn't make it any easier. As a Christian woman I also know that things happen on God's time and not mine and for His own reasons. Despite this knowledge, I still can't shake the agony of the wait... or of the weight.   I'm just ready. As ready as I can be mentally for this surgery and things took off with such lightening speed and then came to a screaching halt. In my mind's eye I had the surgery in late summer and was able to take walks outside at sunset on the beach. I was fully healed and as a designer I would move into the busy holiday season without missing a beat. Eager to create new things allowing my mind to focus on something beautiful and creative and not how I'm not eating like I was this time last year. It was a great plan in my mind.   Now, it's fall and I'm most likely not going to get on the surgery docket until November because I did have an active infection from the H. pylori. Although completely asymptomatic, I didn't think I would have the infection and I would have my surgery in September. Well, that didn't work out. So I had to have 2 weeks of antibiotics and then wait one month and re-test to make sure it's gone and then I can get a date. As long as everything is good. I've told myself a thousand times that this is wise because there have been many complications from people having surgery with H.pylori. The last thing I would want is to not heal well or properly. I know this is time that I need.   But here I am still struggling with the wait.   Rather w a i t.   Or more like W A I T.   I just need to have faith and know that I'll have this surgery when it's the right time... not just on my time.
rhodywoman

rhodywoman

0
LaVerne's Journey
 

42 Days and counting

A week ago, I went for an appointment to check in and hoping to get my surgery date. My stats looked great - lost another 7 lbs! We talked about some risks and went over what still needed to be done to submit to my insurance company. I have completed everything, they just had not received the letter from my psych evaluation yet. I'd not written out my daily food/exercise logs, so I'd need to print out my logs from MFP. Because I needed those things we scheduled a couple of extra weeks out from his normal 30 days. By Wednesday, I'd turned everything in & sent a copy of the psych evaluation. The office needs a couple of days to compile everything, so I'm guessing my case will be submitted today or tomorrow. I'm hoping for a quick approval & not even thinking of a denial. I don't see how they could deny me. I've done the hard work, I've made progress on changing my lifestyle. I meet all of their criteria and am still over the 50 BMI threshold to waive the 6 months documented dieting. I can't think of a single reason to not be approved on the first go-round. Still, I'm so scared that I won't be. Everything has seemed to go so smoothly, I'm just waiting for a bump in the road to make it all fall miserably. I'm trying to be calm on the exterior when actually, anxiety is reeling on the inside.   When I can focus on the positive, I am so excited and happy for what is to come. I actually have a date to look forward to. I'm counting down the days til November 10th. I'm so ready, yet I try to contain my excitement so maybe it won't be such a disappointment if something falls through.   I did "come out" to the world via Facebook late last week. I was overwhelmed by the support and love that my friends and family showed. I didn't really expect to have so many stop by my wall to comment and like, but it was blowing up my phone for the entire day. I never wanted to hide the fact that I am having surgery. I was, apprehensive about negative feedback. I should have known better - I have wonderful family and friends. The one not-positive message I got was from someone that I don't even know. She claims to know my husband, but even he says he doesn't remember her from high school. She recently added me (and him) out of the blue. I don't know where people who have no knowledge of your life or your struggles get off pushing their ideals onto someone they've never met. I realize I put my business onto social media and I will get responses - and I was prepared for negative and positive. I was not prepared to be told to rethink my decision because I could lose the weight without surgery by a complete stranger. I have not yet responded to her private message - no, she didn't even have the nerve to post publicly, but once I've responded, she will be "un-friended."   I'm so ready for these days to fly by. There are lots of things going on in between and then the holiday season just after, but I can only focus on surgery. October brings my birthday, my daughter's birthday & my husband & my anniversary all within 4 days - it is always a very busy week for us. I'm usually knee deep in thoughts of how we will celebrate. Right now, I am feeling so selfish as I'm only thinking ahead to November and what I need to do to prepare for surgery and recovery. I hope I can come back to the present for a while. My daughter is 14 and although she's happy about my surgery, she's at the age/mindset where the world revolves around her and her birthday is like a national holiday. I don't want her to feel that it doesn't matter to me.   Rambling again, I know, but that's the purpose - to put my thoughts out there and get them out of my head. As you can imagine by my rambles, it gets kinda jumbled in my brain sometimes. LOL Best of luck to all of you, no matter where on your journey you currently are. Have a great week!
<3 Carolina Girl <3

<3 Carolina Girl <3

0
Flipstash's Blog
 

My first appointment is next week!

I'm super excited and nervous and happy and scared...all at once! I have started telling family members and a few close friends about my decision...I really thought I would get push back, especially from family, but (almost) everyone is super happy for me and thinks this is the right thing to do! I don't know what the appointment will be like. I do know I have never been excited about a doctor appointment in my life.
Flipstash

Flipstash

0
pcosmommyof4's Blog
 

Port repair number 2---am I nuts?

So...in August 2014 I found out I had an issue with my port again. Dr. Beinivedes in Richardson, Texas, admitted that he made a mistake with my flipped port repair in August 2013. In September 2014 he performed another surgery to try and fix the port, at their costs. This time he moved the port to the right side of stomach (instead of the left). He told my husband that he used to much tubing in the first repair. This surgery involves two, two inch cuts in my stomach to move and and replace the port. I am wondering......AM I THE ONLY ONE this has happened too. i am done with WLS if this one doesn't work. I am sure the next surgery will be the eventual removal. Until then..maybe I will loose weight.   One week later, I have pain in the center of back that won't go away. My stomach is still bloated and I have a fever of 99.2 (my normal is 97.3-97.6). They agreed to pay for their mistake and I said, "Oh okay, no problem." But this time I am not recovering as well as I did the first two LB surgeries.
pcosmommyof4

pcosmommyof4

0
Forsythia's Blog
 

Things that can suck it.

My Hemoglobin A1C is 5.5%. this is normal. Like, perfectly normal normal. Not, well controlled for a Diabetic normal, but not a diabetic person normal. SUCK IT DIABETES!!!!   Also, my NP tested other levels and my vitamin D level is finally normal. My cholesterol continues to be fabulous. And she took me off of my blood pressure medication. SUCK IT, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE!!!   Bought two pairs of size 18 pants. I'm in this weird purgatorial area where an 18W is too big. Some companies that carrier an 18 in missy sizes, well, they are often too small. So it looks like the only place I can buy pants is Old Navy until I get down to a 16. Damn you, birthing hips. I'm 232. I've never been 232 as an adult. I mean, I think the last time I was 232 I was 14? Hoping to be in the 220s by the end of this month.
Forsythia

Forsythia

0
LaVerne's Journey
 

Anxious

I'm about an hour and a half away from my next appointment with my surgeon. As far as I know, all of the hoops have been jumped & cleared & we will set a surgery date today. I've met with the dietitian. I've had my chest xray, EKG & swallow test completed. I've been to two sessions with a psychologist. I've been cleared on all of those. My blood work was done last week, so we should be going over those numbers at my appointment today. I don't foresee anything there holding me back. My only worry this far has been my BMI. I know I've lost a few pounds this month, but am hoping I haven't fallen below the 50 threshold. If I have, I may still be waiting for a few months due to my insurance's 6 month supervised requirement. That requirement is waived for patients with a BMI over 50. I'm right on that line, so it's been a little LOT stressful.   I've faltered this month because of that stress. As much as I swore that I didn't want to sabotage myself into not losing any weight, I let myself eat some things I shouldn't have. I haven't been keeping my food logs like I should have and I have been lax about getting in my steps/exercise. I've tried to keep these things under control, but it's been quite a struggle. I know I have lost a little weight and am very thankful, but I'm positive that had I not been stressing over this insurance situation, it would have been an even greater loss. I suppose I should just be thankful that I didn't let those demons consume me so much as to make me gain this month.   I don't know why I'm stressing so much on this - maybe it's just my nerves creeping in as I get closer to surgery. My head knows that I'll be fine and I'm going to know my date within the next two hours. Am I setting myself up for the worst case scenario so I'm not disappointed so much when it doesn't happen? Rambling again...   On another note - I have a feeling I'm going to have a hard time with clothes very soon. I'm already throwing out some of my panties - they feel like an extra yard of fabric is flopping around under my butt! None of my jeans fit anymore. I'm constantly pulling them up. Heaven forbid I have to carry a lot of stuff upstairs. With my arms full & no extra hands, my pants have been known to shimmy down by the time I reach the second floor! I've been over 300lbs for most of my adult life, so I don't have a stash of clothes to go backwards into like some people may. I'm not complaining - it's an awesome problem to have, it's just going to start getting expensive here very soon. But I'm still in such a large size (guessing I'll need 24 or 26) that it's hard to find in the thrift/goodwill stores. I don't want to spend a lot of cash on new clothes that I'm going to be falling out of in a few months either. I'm broke enough as it is. LOL.   Well it's about that time that I head out for my appointment. Wish me luck guys...maybe my nerves will be calmed in a little while!
<3 Carolina Girl <3

<3 Carolina Girl <3

0
My Journey to Skinny
 

Love-Hate

New Progress Pics!!   Well, here I am. Back to post what's going on with me at a little over four months post-op. At this point, I sort of have a love-hate relationship with my sleeve.   I love my sleeve when people make comments to me such as yesterday, when one of my co-workers said to me: "Kourtney, you are going to blow away, you're getting so skinny!" I'm really not that skinny; I weighed 174.2 at my last weigh-in. But it was still nice to hear, and put a smile on my face. I have finally gotten to the point where people are really starting to notice the weight loss, which is interesting, because I've probably only lost 8-10 pounds since my last post, but literally only one person at work had commented on my weight loss at that time. Now it's like the flood gates have opened... One person commented that I've lost the weight so fast, to which I was able to accurately answer: "No, actually I haven't, just nobody noticed for a really long time!" But it must seem like it, because just in the last two weeks, I have probably had five or six people ask me if I had lost weight, how much, and how.   This is where I have been fibbing. I kept my surgery a secret at work. I was working as a contractor, so had the luxury of just taking a month off between contracts with no explanation. So that's what I did. I took the month of May off, and didn't tell anyone what I was doing. Partly because I didn't want to go through the hassle of having to get cleared to come back to work by the Employee Health department due to the lifting restriction. But also partly because I work with someone who is very open about having had Gastric Bypass surgery, and people are not-so-nice about it behind her back, and even make comments to her like "Should you be eating that?" I didn't want that. So I've been telling people that I've lost 30 pounds (I've actually lost closer to 60). I've been telling them that I've been focusing on eating smaller portions, increasing protein, and that I've started running. All true. But at the same time I feel a little ashamed for lying.   Worse still, I saw a friend a couple of weeks ago that I haven't seen since I moved to Florida. She was, of course wowed by my weight loss. And she is someone who has also struggled with her weight, someone who I vowed that I would tell about it when the time came. But then I chickened out! What's wrong with me??? I've actually thought about emailing her and telling her the truth, because the guilt is getting to me. So I sort of hate that my sleeve has made me into a liar.   On the other hand, I love my sleeve when I get to go shopping in my closet! I love pulling out all of the clothes that haven't fit me in years, and wearing them! It's like getting brand new clothes. I also have a new obsession with Poshmark. It's a virtual consignment store. I've been selling all of my old size 16's that don't fit me anymore, and I've been buying size 10's. They don't quite fit yet, but they're close.   Diet-wise there are still things I can't eat. Grilled fish, for example. I tried again the other night, and it just does not stay down. I ate it with some red-curry noodles (because tuna-noodle casserole had stayed down beautifully, so I thought there may be something to the fish-sauce-noodle combo) and then was really uncomfortable for about 30 minutes before it finally came back up. Interestingly, I tried the rice noodles the next day with chicken (because my husband had heated them up, and they smelled so good) and they came up again. So it very well may have been the very glutenous noodles. But I'm playing it safe, and avoiding all fish (except tuna-noodle casserole). So I hate that my sleeve has taken away some things that I used to really enjoy. But at the same time, I love that it has given me the control to just have a little bit of the things that I can tolerate, and that I still love. Self control is something I was severely lacking pre-sleeve, so I'm thrilled to have it. Overall, getting my sleeve is still the best $10,000 dollars I have ever spent.
butterfyeffect

butterfyeffect

0
Traci's Blog
 

Noticing changes

I stepped on the scale yesterday, and I'm down to 309! I can't believe it... I'm 10 lbs away from being back in the 200s... I'm almost back to my post-knee surgery weight from 2009.   But what was even cooler? I dragged myself into the 9am Zumba class, and I found myself actually bouncing with some of the songs. There literally was more bounce in my step. It didn't hurt my knee quite as much to jump and bounce. I can only imagine how I'll be flying through the songs once I get closer to my goal!
Trace Lynne

Trace Lynne

0
Flipstash's Blog
 

Finally...for me!

I'm not going to get all fancy with this entry...or any of them. I am not fancy. I am fat. Not that fat can't be fancy...I digress... I went to the seminar and turned in my insurance info to get my first appointment. I have to wait 6 months for my insurance, but that will fly by. I think it's better for me this way. I can take the time to wrap my head around the lifestyle changes I will have to make. I am already feeling better about my future! I have dug out clothes I haven't worn in years! I am so excited about being a normal sized person! About not having to take all these pills! About coming off the diabetic list!! I'm getting my life back! I WANT TO LIVE! I want to live my life inside MY new lighter body! I can't wait!!!
Flipstash

Flipstash

1
Lite'N'Sweet's LapBand Life
 

That Moment When EVERYONE Starts To Take Notice

I was in a stall. It was making me a little crazy too. Worse than a stall - it seems that I had put back on 5 lbs. But i never admitted to it, because adding it back on to my trackers and tickers made it feel like failure. And I know I was doing everything the way I should. Eating smaller portions, less calories, slower and more deliberate choices of food. Working out as much as i can increasing the amount of calories I would burn. But... there the scale stayed stuck. I could have done a number of things for those 3 weeks. Blamed the lapband for not working. Blamed my body composition for sabotaging me. Cursed the Gods for making me have to be fat.   But I remembered something I read from a friend of mine on Facebook who is a Yoga Instructor and really has embraced the lifestyle that goes with studying and practicing yoga. "Anything will work if you stick to it long enough." Pointing out the issue that once we don't see something working in a day or a week or a month we abandon it and try something else... always looking for the quick fix and trying to see results tomorrow. But the fact of the matter is... we didn't get fat over night. It took years of hard work and diligent, consistent, persistent bad habits to get us to this place where we'd want to consider surgery. So it would take equal and opposing diligence, consistence and persistence of positive, good, healing habits to get us where we longed to be. So I looked at the scale and said "f you" and kept on doing what I was told to do. Kept eating right. Doubled up my gym activity and vowed to stick to it. Just keep doing it, because it makes you feel better, your endurance is through the roof and it's a great outlet for frustration. Don't give up.   Then suddenly - all the comments - you know the ones I said I wasn't hearing? - started to pour in. "Hey, wow, you're really losing weight..." "you're just melting away" "look at you skinny girl" "don't lose too much weight now..." (that's my favorite one - because I've only just hit the 1/3 mark on what I want to lose. And it's every day. And it 's from everyone. Even the haters that didn't want to admit to me that they saw it like I knew they did. It's a little overwhelming and I try to be gracious with my response but also not let it swell my head. "Thank you - I've been working really hard at it" is my typical reply - and it's true.   I'm so excited about my evolving body. I have to shop for some clothes that fit this weekend. And I'm really jazzed about it.   And just like that - once I stopped focusing on it... the scale just started moving in the right direction. Those 5 lbs are all but gone now. Hoping that it continues past the lowest point I reached and that I can pack my bags up and put my home in Two-Dorville on the market and move back in to my cute little condo in One-derland. Here I come. And nothing will stop me.
Lite'N'Sweet

Lite'N'Sweet

0
Forsythia's Blog
 

Called out!

Every week, I take a class at my gym (LA Fitness) called Body Works Plus abs. It is what I term a fast and light weight class. Fast enough that you get a cardio effect while doing it, along with high reps (as opposed to the slow and heavy stuff I do in the weight room). The class has 2.5, 5 and 7.5 lb dumbbells in it. Stronger people (usually guys and super fit broads) can go out to the floor and get heavier bells if they want. Normally I take a pair of all three. Last night, Florence, the instructor, walked by and called me out about the 2.5s! She said I was strong enough to stop using them. The high reps do exhaust me! So I took that as a challenge, because normally I do use the 2.5s on some of the shoulder work because I am weak like a kitten in the upper body. I basically only used the 5s and 7.5s for the class. I didn't die. So I guess Florence was right.   If this is worst of the problems in my life, I have it pretty good.
Forsythia

Forsythia

0
Kelly's Musings
 

Patience Pays Off

Well hooray! I got on the scale Friday and finally saw the "catch up" loss I was waiting for - 8 pounds. I knew that the laws of physics would have to kick in at some point. I had gotten so fearful that I went to eating almost nothing but protein shakes and fish and veggies for dinner. Religiously avoiding simple carbs and any sugars just to be sure it wasn't me doing something wrong. But at 800-1000 calories, how could I NOT lose even if I did eat bread?!?!   So, patience paid off. Everyone said to hang in there, stick to the plan, lots of logical reasons why the scale wasn't moving and of course, that was all true. I felt such a relief when I got on that scale.   And you know what, DAMN IT! Damn that damn scale for having the power to make or break my week. But it's a bit like a drug... when I see a drop I get soo happy and I want that feeling! But then I let the flip side just crush me. Gotta stop that. Gotta see this as a long term change and if I don't lose this week, then it'll be next week. Who cares when in the next year or so, so long as it's an overall downward trend, which it will be if you really change the lifestyle permanently. Right....?   I still want my drug...   So tomorrow is weight in day.. let' see if I'm truly over the stall and there will be a nice 2-3 pound, more regular, steady loss to cheer me on to victory.
okelly44

okelly44

1
Traci's Blog
 

2.5 weeks... and still going...

2.5 weeks out, and I returned to work yesterday. I didn't think sitting at a desk job would be that taxing... and was I wrong. I was going strong all morning... then about 2pm, I heated up, the room started spinning, and I couldn't walk straight. My admin assistant told me that I was suddenly drained of color, and they were ready to call a cab to send me home in. I allowed the episode to pass before driving home. I made it home by 3pm, crawled into bed and passed out. I awoke briefly at 8pm, had some dinner and crawled back into bed.   Today is a new day. I returned to work, and things seem to be going better so far. I am trying to better stay on my feeding schedule... I'm alert... my admin assistant said I look 100x's better today. Fun times...   I think there are a couple frustrating things related to this process....   1) There are certain things I want, but know I can't have (namely Ice Cream and Pizza), but these are the same things that probably got me into this situation. For whatever reason, Chili seems to be my go-to, now that I can have semi-solid foods. I have been able to eat chili without any issues, every time. I've tried scrambled eggs and refried beans mashed together, but that doesn't go down well. I suspect I'll need to learn some other soup recipes...   2) I have lost 55 lbs, meaning I'm sorting through clothing to see what clothing fits and what doesn't. I've had to 'retire' my 3x shirts/blouses. My size 24 dress pants are getting baggy, my size 20 dress pants aren't quite big enough for me, and I don't have ANY size 22 pants at this point (I gave them all away). It was pretty awesome to step into my size 24 dress pants this morning, and have them be so big. With any luck, I'll be into the size 20 pants within the month, but I'm not sure what to do in the meantime. One friend suggested I run over to goodwill to grab a couple pair of size 22 dress pants to make it through the month. And once I drop below size 20... I'll have to start buying everything, because I don't have anything below size 20 at this point. I am REALLY looking forward to the smaller sizes.   3) One of my goals is to go snowboarding over the holidays. My snowboarding stuff has been in storage for several years (I messed up my knee winter of 2008/2009), and waiting for me to return. I tried on my snowboarding pants this weekend, and there is still some weight in the hips, thighs, and belly before they fit right. My surgeon asked that I lose 35 lbs by the beginning of December, and it is my goal to lose 50 lbs by that point. I should fit back into all of my gear at that point. Of course, once I hit my overall goal, I will need to get new clothing, since there is no way that they will fit next year.   4) I know I have made so good progress, and over half of it is from the work I did pre-op. However, I still see my 300+ lbs self in the mirrors on the walls of the dance studio when I go to zumba class. In every class I've been to in the last week, I'm the LARGEST/HEAVIEST person there. I do my best to keep up, and the loss of 50 lbs has really helped me move more easily. There are still things I can't do well, and I'm still not fast. With all of the work I've done, I feel like I should be an average-sized person. But I still have about 150 lbs to go before I'm there. So, when people see me, unless they know the work I've been doing, they only see some 300+ lbs fat girl. People still stare me down, make inappropriate comments, and judge me. For as much hard work as I've done over these last few months, I still have to deal with regular and daily ridicule of those who know nothing about me. I've been changing inside and out, but this does not stop mean people from being mean. I think this is the worst and most frustrating part of the process... I'm dealing with myself daily, and this is very much in the moment... time feels like it has slowed down. I have to feel every pain and see every look, there is no fast forward button. Once I am beyond this stage, I'm sure it will seem like it happened in the blink of an eye, but the day-to-day of this time ticking by so slowly... I've experienced this in the past, when I've lived abroad and am learning the language and culture of those places... but those were fun times...     Yeah, that's me... I don't want to wish my days away, I just wish this process didn't take such a toll on me.
Trace Lynne

Trace Lynne

0
Old Habits to New Beginnings
 

Don't say anything you don't want the world to know...

Something that my best friend encountered when she had her surgery was people giving her a hard time about the surgery. She did not tell a lot of people but apparently some of the people she did tell, talked to other people and quickly it got out. She did not want people to know about her surgery. Not because she was embarrassed by it, but because people who have never done it do not realize how much work it is. Yes there is an advantage because you have built in portion control. But there are so many emotional, physical, and mental side effects that can be very tough.   In the first seminar you go to they will tell you, don't tell a lot of people about the surgery. They will tell you it is the easy way out, not because they are trying to be mean (usually) but because they don't understand. You do not owe anyone an explanation. It is your body and your decision. Do not let anyone try to tell you what you can and cannot do. Your future and your health belongs to you. Take charge and make these decisions yourself.
Spicy06

Spicy06

0
Old Habits to New Beginnings
 

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem....

I have struggled with my weight since I was 22. I had always thought I was over weight, looking back I wish I could smack my younger self... I has healthy and beautiful and had no idea. I am not a self loathing person. I do not look in the mirror and hate myself. I look in the mirror and realize I am slowly killing myself by the weight I have put on over the years. I feel tired most of the time, I have back, hip, and knee problems because of my weight. I am 5'6 and 270lbs which my body was not built for. This is the heaviest I have ever been. My weight has always fluctuated...I lose weight, keep it off for a while, then it comes right back on, usually bringing extra friend pounds with it. Anyone else who has experienced this, knows how depressing this can be. It has gotten to the point that I not longer care to work out, I don't really want to do anything, I have become lazy and sedentary. My boyfriend is an outdoor person who loves to hike and fish and move around and I want to do those things with him but I have a really hard time keeping up which makes me feel crappy.   I had looked into gastric bypass surgery a long time ago, but the side effects were not worth it to me. Then my best friend had the gastric sleeve and told me how much better it was. She had her surgery in March and I have waited to see how she reacted to the surgery, how her body handled it, what she went through, her struggles and her successes. She has lost 90lbs since March, looks amazing, is happier, healthier, and more active. So I sat down with her and talked about the process she went through and all the steps that she had to do. I contacted the same doctor and have already met with him, set up my support group meetings, set up my dietician appointment, and will be calling to schedule my psych evaluation. I am so excited and anxious to get this ball rolling.   I am ready for a new healthy life. I am ready to learn how to eat to live and not live to eat. I am excited about how this will effect my energy levels, how I can lose enough weight that I will no longer have chronic back, hips, and knee pain. I am also excited about how I will look. Anyone who says looking better is not part of why they want to do it is lying! LOL. It should never be your main reason and you should never do it for someone else. My boyfriend did not encourage or talk me out of it when I was making my decision. He told me he would support me either way but would not sway my decision. Now that I have decided to go through with the process he is with me every step of the way. He will be going to support meetings, appointments, and anything else I need.
Spicy06

Spicy06

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My personal Experience
 

Mindfully Happy

I am 3 months and a week out from my Sleeve surgery. As I mentioned before, I am in counseling for help with an eating disorder and am luck enough to have a Nutricionist that is specialized in eating disorders AND bariatric nutricion. Both my Counselor and NUT preach and teach Intuitive eating which is the notion that babies are born knowing when to eat and what to eat, and follow the needs of their bodies. They eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full - they intuitively know what they need. They hold no relationship to food other than the need to sustain their bodies. Unfortunetely over time they are taught rules that many times conflict with what they actually need - social rules. They are given food as reward, or told to finish their meals or else, they are forced to eat when they are not hungry or sometimes not allowed to eat because it's not time.. Over the years, these children - us - stop listenting to what our bodies really need, to what it's telling us. This line of teaching/therapy is meant to help us learn to listen to our body again - mindfully pay attention to what our bodies need. That goes agains any type of restrictive diet - They do not believe in diets at all, which are doomed to fail, because by restricting foods we consider "bad" in any way we are setting us up for failure. It creates in many folks the "binge" behavior, the "well, now that I fell off the wagon let me eat the whole box!" attitude - We binge, we feel guilty, then we feel anxiety and sadness and we beat ourselves up because we failed at something that never had much of a chance for long term success.   In my case, we were quite poor - not that we knew that, we were so happy - but we did not have access to a lot of food. We ate mostly pasta, potatoes and eggs, or any vegetables we would grow, but rarely ate meat. Because we were on a very tight budget, we were taught not to waste any food, so leaving food on our plate was absolutely unnaceptable. if we didn't finish our dinners we would not eat anything else until we finished our leftovers... Honestly it made total sense to me and I raised my daughters that way.. My older daughter also has an eating disorder.   Despite the tough times my mom always tried to have something sweet, some chocolate stashed - super special treat - and surprised my sister and I whenever we finished our homework, or if we were sad or sick. it was so loving and sweet of her, but it taught us to use food as comfort and reward from very young age.   Anyway, I have been listening to the tapes (I got the audio book) and trying to be truly mindful. I started to add more variety to my diet, still high in protein, and decided that I would fight back anytime I thought any food as "bad". I stopped restricting myself. Whenever I feel hungry I sit and close my eyes and relax for a moment - what do I want to eat. Sure I have my go-tos. I always have tuna or tilapia readily available, or chicken. And my body doesn't always communicate clearly what it wants (This is so new to me), so I default to my usual. But whenever I feel an urge, I do not deny myself. What I do is really be mindful and try to identify - is this my body asking for it, or is this my hormones, anxiety, etc? Do I get it right every time? No, I don't. But I get it right more often than not. And I stick to my 3-4 oz serving! I still am terrified to eat some foods, but I know in my mind that is not the path I need to follow - so I work it out during session!   Yesterday out of nowhere I had a craving for pistachios. I dont necessarily love pistachios - but I had a handful of it and it satisfied a body need - I know it did. And I am so excited that I was able to listen to my body and do what it wanted. There is so much peace in that.   So I am doing all this and thinking in the back of my mind - heck I will stop losing weight.. Well, that was not the case!! I have lost 6 lbs in the last two weeks and have not denied myself once.   Today I was able to sit and cross my legs comfortably, like a lady. I missed that so much! I have been wearing a very cute skinny jeans that are a size 14 - loose... Today I also ran for half an hour with my Labs. Girl, I could not WALK them 3 1/2 months ago!   I would encourage you to do some research on Intuitive Eating - http://www.intuitiveeating.com/ Because losing weight is just a small (although HUGE) part of the journey. We want to be healthy and happy and keep it off for the rest of our lives. We want to stop thinking about food 24/7 and break the emotional bonds we formed with food   Be mindful and kind to yourself, Best of luck in your journey,   Karen
bormannk

bormannk

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Forsythia's Blog
 

Proof that you shouldn't be a slave to the scale

In the past few weeks, I've only lost a minimal amount of weight. I'm at 236. Before labor day I was 240. I'm one lb short of being 100 lbs lighter than my all time high (335). I'm not here to whine about the scale. I'm here to say that I'm still getting smaller. In the last couple of weeks my under bust measurement has gone from 41 to 38.5. My waist has gone from 45 to 43. And oddly, my calves which have always been really muscular and well defined (I've never been accused of having cankles - rather, I often heard "How come your legs are so skinny? No wonder you have sprained your ankle so many times. Those things are too small to support you") have gone from 16 inches to 14.5. I am sure my hips went down too, but I don't remember the old measurement for them. LOL. So even though I am still 236, my size 20 jeans are getting quite loose. My 2x tops are starting to look ridiculous.   My point is that the scale is not the ultimate measure of your success. Don't pin your hopes and mental well being to the number on the scale. How do you feel? How do you look in your clothes? How much lower is your blood sugar? Blood pressure? Cholesterol? How much can you bench press now? How much easier is it to make it up a flight of stairs without pain? Without feeling like your lungs are going to explode? Don't equate success with the scale. The scale is just one tool in your kit. You are not (and never have been) solely your weight. Don't make yourself that now.
Forsythia

Forsythia

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intelirish's Blog
 

My Journey -

My Journey 9/12/14   Next week it will have been a year – I was banded 9/19/13 but my journey didn’t start there… It was a long time coming that wake up moment when you realize nothing is going to change without some effort and commitment on your part to make it change. There wasn’t really any one ah ha moment but rather a number of smaller nudges that pushed me in the right direction... March of 2013 saw me at around 240 250lbs getting on a plane for work and later to see family… seat belt didn’t close very easily.. It shut but the flight was miserable. Then for the first time I was bigger in size then my brother we had always been similar in build – but he had managed to slim back down to the weight of his youth while I seemed set on tripling mine.   Pictures that spring where posted on Facebook I couldn’t figure out who that woman was looking back. I wasn’t willing to acknowledge it was me. I was horrified, OMG, did I really look that bad. I normally shied away from the pictures oh there are one’s here and there over the years when I decided I had lost enough that I could be captured forever frozen the way I was…   May brought my annual health check – not so good… another year of doing what I was doing and I’d be looking a medication for all sorts of things – blood pressure – cholesterol – diabetes things need to change…   June rolled round and I got on the scale… 269.. It would get worse from there before it got better but seeing those numbers 269 literally took my breath away. I had been thinking on lap band for a while. I had listened to the commercials and gone on line to research but that day I made the call and scheduled my evaluation meeting knowing my insurance would cover the surgery if I decided to move forward. Right there during the meeting I went on and had my diagnostics done to see if I was healthy enough for surgery.   On the day my primary care Dr signed a letter saying it was medically necessary for me to have this surgery my weight had bloomed to 282. It seemed that I had managed to rationalize that as I was going to have this surgery I could spend the last few weeks before indulging any way I wanted. My Dr. tried to talk me in to alternate surgery’s apparently not really a believer in the band. I told him it didn’t matter what he thought I was the one doing it.   It took 3 wks to get approved during this time I decided that I needed to start living as if I was banded. I got the call on sep 3rd saying it was a yes and did I want to schedule the surgery for the following week. I panicked so it was pushed to the 19th to give my self-time to adjust it had all of a sudden become very real for me.   The morning of the surgery I was a wreck imaging everything possible – said goodbye to my girls like I didn’t expect to see them again. I very nearly left the surgery office after getting there I was why do I need this surgery I can do it myself. But in reality I knew that I couldn’t although I had weighed myself that morning and it was 272 the first sizable drop in weight I had in years I wasn’t sure if I could keep it going by myself.   Surgery went well recovery was – text book. All the right complaints thought I was dying from the gas but I survived and moved past it all. Every day since I have taken one day at a time, the fight has gone I no longer fight with the urge to eat enough for a family of 3. I still eat what I want but can now stop and actually put food down when I realize I don’t need it. I’m full I’m satisfied. Being satisfied is key – it isnt’ really healthy to eat until feeling full – to eat until satisfied is the point – it has taken me the best part of a year to truly understand. I’ve had many adjustments to my band even getting to the point it was too full. Spending my time in the bathroom because every meal was a fight just wasn’t the way I wanted to live not to mention the health risks. So I had it adjusted and removed some of the fluid. BEST decision ever.. After the first one off course of actually getting the band.   Weight loss for the most part has been good. This morning I weigh 211.4 OMG… I don’t recall the last time I weighed this little. I still have a ways to go but i have a handle on it I know I will get there it will just take time. And now because I’m a much healthier time is something I have again. There have been many small victories this past year, wearing smaller clothes, fitting and being comfortable on an international flight, to curling up on the sofa with your legs tucked under – to even taking control even further and attending the circuit training class that I have wanted to do so all year. It’s brutal but I can do it is the point.   There have been times if I’m honest where I have questioned what I have done, why am I not the size 12 I so want to be. I’m a 16 every one has self-doubts. I usually come here and post when one of those black clouds are hovering – this site and the wonderful members have been my foundation for success without them I’m not sure what I would be like.. YOU GUYS ROCK!!   I’m hoping that by sharing someone who is on the fence about WLS whether it is the band, bypass or sleeve just know that there are many many of you out there with the same questions concerns.   I’ve recently pledged to be a voice/representative for True Results where I had my surgery done. Yea you can look at it that it’s free advertisement for them if folks like me go out and share our journey but I look at it like this. If I can help change just one person’s life by sharing my experience than why not. I wish someone would have found me earlier in my journey – having someone to share it with that understands what you are going through makes such a difference.   So if you’re in the phoenix area or even if you’re not and are considering weight loss surgery (WLS) and want to chat feel free to message me. If nothing else it is always great to talk and meet new people.   To our journeys may they end where we want them to and may there be joy and laughter along the way.
intelirish

intelirish

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4me4them's Blog
 

Trial run at liquid pre-op diet

So I had my final NUT appointment on Monday. She has put me on a two consecutive days a week liquid diet...like the one that I will have to do prior to surgery. The other 5 days I am eating my surgeon's "Stage 4" diet, which is basically back to whatever foods you can tolerate.   I did my two days yesterday and today. Here is my doctor's/NUTs schedule 0600 (I go to work early) Protein Shake. no more than 130 calories, no more than 13 Carbs and at least 20g protein 0900 4oz apple or cranberry juice, 6 oz plain or vanilla greek yogurt (no more than 100 calories) 1200 Protein Shake 1500 (3 in the afternoon) 11.25 oz low sodium V8 (or 4 oz V8Fusion) and 1/2 C cottage cheese 1800 (6 in the evening) Protein Shake 2000 (8 in the evening) juice and yogurt if needed. Up to 2 cups low sodium broth, 5 sugar free popsicles and unlimited non calorie/decaffeinated drinks.   So day one was not to bad. I cruised actually. Planned to do day one on the day I do yoga at night so I was out of the house when my hubby and brother (who lives with us) ate. I did make one mistake....I tried to add a little sugar free jello powder to the vanilla shake and it was totally disgusting...got clumpy and was way overly sweet. Couldn't even get it down...lol Lesson learned...don't try to go all Chopped on the protein shake!   Today has been a bit more of a challenge...but still not as bad as I thought it would be. I ate a popsicle while fixing dinner so my mouth had something to do. As I'm typing I'm drinking my first Unjury Shake...strawberry and not too bad...not overly sweet. I have my tennis shoes on so if it gets to be too much when the guys get home and have dinner I can go for a walk.   I'm going on vacation 14 October for two weeks...I may continue the shakes for bfast and lunch...then when I get back I have about a month before I start the pre-op 14 day diet...may try to up my 2 days to 3 just to get ready.
4me4them

4me4them

1
4me4them's Blog
 

Better Sleep (part 2)

So I'm a believer in the night time routine I learned about at Miraval Spa. I've been using it for the past week and my sleep is deeper, and I can get back to sleep quicker. Some pre-stuff before the routine: 1. Make your room as dark as possible. We moved our phone chargers, turned the clock so that it was not facing the bed, and stopped leaving a light on in the main living area...we now use a night light out there. 2. Create a cozy place to do your routine. If your spouse is on board, the living room is just fine. I have an old recliner in another room that I'm using when hubby doesn't want to get zen with me   About an hour before you want to fall asleep: 1. Put on pjs (even if you don't sleep in pjs, put on clothes that you can begin to associate with sleep. This becomes a signal that you are going to sleep. 2. Wash face, brush teeth, take meds... 3. Find some relaxing music that you can listen to...or use fan to create white noise. I found a couple of cheap massage music things on I-tunes. 4. Light should be very low...I had to wrap a lamp with a scarf to get it low enough even with a 40W lightbulb 5. Take a few really deep breaths. Breath out should be longer than breath in. Think about pulling your belly button back to your spine on your exhales. 6. Sit quietly and notice what you are thinking about. 7. Use a journal to record what you are thinking about, any action steps you want to take the next day...the point is to get it out of your head and onto paper. You can also write about your day, include things you are grateful for...really anything. 8. If you like to read before bed....use the remainder of your time to read....not in bed. (this was hard for me at first, but the results speak for themselves!) 9. When you are ready for bed, move to the bedroom, using as little light as possible.   If you can't fall asleep within 30 minutes get up and repeat....or if you wake up and can't fall back to sleep repeat.   Let me know what you think and/or if you have any success with this! Beth
4me4them

4me4them

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