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luvlif's Journal
 

promise me

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."   ~~ A. A. Milne Bette Blackwell when someone told her she could never have been fat. My first thought was, "Why on earth would anyone CLAIM to be that pretty unhappy, unhealthy, severely obese person if they weren't?" Then I realized that hey - when I look at some of the most recent photos, sometimes *I* don't recognize the "new me" as me.   I told the group that there I times when I FORGET that I'm not in the body of the person I was in almost 2 years ago. That I was standing in line waiting for a stall in the ladies' room last week, looked in the mirror and thought, "WHOA! That's ME!" That I honestly forget sometimes, when I'm not looking in the mirror, that the fat lady, on the outside, anyway, is gone. There's this still-strange-to-me skinny lady, with new-found cheekbones, collarbones and shoulder blades, and thin, almost dainty wrists, living here now. It's not easy, though. The fat girl still lives here, and she fights with the skinny girl every day. She wants to eat when she's bored, tired, angry, lonely, sad, happy . . . hell, even horny sometimes. I've said it before and I'll say it again: this isn't easy. It's a constant battle between the two of them. Most days, skinny girl wins, but not always. Those moments of defeat are the moments when I find myself looking into my reflection in the water in the loo once again. The flesh may be weak, but the spirit is always unbroken, and I'll get back up and fight again. Jeez. This is getting far too deep and philosophical for me. It's time for a long bubble bath and then, bedtime.
luvlif

luvlif

1
Julie*'s Journal
 

January 20

I have an appt on Tuesday and am worried that I've gained a couple of pounds. I'm supposed to lose 14 pounds before the surgery not gain a couple. My weight has held steady since October and I feel that is an accomplishment to tell you the truth. I'm feeling a bit like every big meal could be my last and it's really hard to fight those feelings. I'm just taking it day by day and really trying hard to do positive self talk.
Julie*

Julie*

1
luvlif's Journal
 

1/20/06 Fri

:mad: 2 more lbs down! I LOVE MY BAND!"My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny." - Elaine Maxwell   walked 25mins in pm(8pm) after I ate 1 egg & 2 tofu breakfast links. walked 20 mins@7. 45am then ate 1 egg(scrambled) b4 workingout I had 1 saltines & 1 slice of f.f. cheese. 105 total calories I'm going to wendy's for lunch & I'll have a small chilli & bring back the crackers for later 220 calories + 1/2 baked potato= 325 total calories I feel a pull in my sides from walking but no shin pain...the treadmill has a buffer. I park my car on the opposite end of the parking lot (when its not raining or snowing) needless to say the bitch thought I was doing it because of her.yesterday I told him how she interrogated Nicole re last Wednesday she asked her if she could hear her & I talking in my office. Then asked her if she's going to continue working here this semester. he said to see how it goes for the next 2 wks after the new girl settles down. she was standing by the water cooler & I needed to add more water to my tea so I filled my cup & went to micro it ...she asked me if I was now drinking warm water...NOSY! Arlene called yesterday while she was out on her lunch break & I answered the phone...V sweet & friendly 'til she realized it was me ...then didn't know what to say...Interesting! Ralph told me to-day thay the bitch had heard the guy I love & I fighting b4 my surgery in my office & she asked him what was going on w the 2 of us & R told her it's none of his business. my face got smaller...my hair is getting real long...my double chin is disappearing!my stomach got much smaller.
luvlif

luvlif

1
HeatherGurl's Journal
 

01/20/06

Thank goodness the scale move a tiny bit! :mad: I have been faithfully doing this stair thing and I think that in a few weeks I will be able to see results. I didn't do any other exercises last night though. I was just tired. My DH didn't get home until later and we were playing with the baby, so I just didn't feel like it. I know, excuses, excuses. At least I have been eating better. I am really trying to stay low carb now. The low cal thing has never worked for me, and now if I can just follow the bandsters rules and eat protein, veggies and then fruit, I will be ok. I need to go and do my stairs, but I think I will wait until after lunch so I can do it without anyone seeing the fat girl almost die :0 ) hahahah Heather
HeatherGurl

HeatherGurl

1
mousecrazy's Journal
 

1/19/06

First of all, this journal won't be specifically about lapband surgery and weight loss. I'm on this site every day more than once usually, and I need to start journaling again. So, it's just common sense to use this space. Secondly, I like to write. Last year, 2005, was the toughest roughest year I have yet experienced. My mom had surgery, stayed in hospitals for 5 months due to complications, and a septic infection finally ended it. Her funeral was on what would have been her 73rd birthday. There will be more about this in other entries. Part of this journal's purpose is to work through this grief. So, the first half of 2005 was spent in hospitals. I decided to face this weight problem and the health problems associated with it and had lapband surgery in July. In November, the day following my 50th birthday (THIS was the highlight of 2005 - my 50th birthday...go figure!), my beautiful, wonderful 92 year old grandmother passed. She had a stroke that led to a coma and she passed peacefully. Yeah, she had a great, healthy long life, but dang! My mom and my grandmother in one year? I told you it was going to be about other stuff. Attitude of gratitude - well, that's just a reminder! One way to handle loss is to try hard to see the good stuff you have. Seems like that might be a good idea for us "lapdancers"...that's what my DH call us...to have the attitude of gratitude, too. I'm sure I'll explore more of that idea, too. I'm grateful for this journal space, and the invitation to use it. I'm grateful for the blessing in disguise offered by the dr. who told me I was too heavy for him to realistically treat my ankle...and suggested this lapband surgery. I am grateful for my little girl's unquestioning, unconditional love (if you don't count being held hostage by the desire for more Polly Pockets!) To be continued...
mousecrazy

mousecrazy

2
luvlif's Journal
 

Let's GO Nina!

My goal 220lbs by Mar 1 06 thats 25 lbs down. 200lbs by April 1 06 180lbs by May 1 06...20lbs to goal!   1/18/06 :mad: Had my 1st fill yeste rday of 1cc, w Dan Sherwinter, said my band can only hold 4cc. My port was slightly tilted. had Matzo ball soup for lunch,(only liquids for 24 hrs) turkey pot pie soup 220 cals, 2 of the 40 cal pops &1/2 of a frenchonion soup100cals.They all @ Geiss's said I wasn't losing because I don't have any restriction - on his scale I was 251lbs. Kathy @ Geiss's office said she couldn't believe how thin my face got. :clap2:1/19/06 Today I weigh 245, kept going 247-248 for 2 weeks. Aideen's jeans in size 18 fit me just great.Yesterday I wore her black size 20 pants. So now I've gone from size 22 to 18! in just 1 month. I also got my treadmill assembled to-day. When I go home I'll walk on it for 1/2 hr. Dr Dan said if I do 1/2 hr in am & 1/2 hr in pm & 800 calorie diet I will definitely shed 100 lbs by Dec 14 06! This afternoon I had Chinese..soup,(v little), 2 sushi rolls, 1 stuffed shell, & the fish only from the fried fish.By the end the elephant was sitting on my chest! So this is what restriction feels like. To-night I'll make chicken salad out of the roast chicken & 1/2 a french onion soup (barkley gets the cheese) and my popsicles. I'm still drinking the tea from this a.m ...I feel full fast. Didn't eat any of that 4 dinner...I had a scrambled egg & 2 tofu sausage links & a pop.
luvlif

luvlif

1
HeatherGurl's Journal
 

No Scale Today

Well, today I fought the temptation to get on the scale! I have been working my ass off and I really hope when I get on the dang thing that it shows some results. I just feel like I am stuck, like I always get after 30-35lb weight loss and I wonder if I will ever be normal. I thought I needed a fill, but today at lunch I didn't eat much at all and had PLENTY of restriction. I guess it is because I am eating the right things... Hamburger Helper slips right thru my band so I am staying away from it!   Well, today was day 4 of taking the 4 flights of stairs at work! Ugh, will it get easier? I just can not wait to put that pair of size 20 jeans on that I bought. I will know that I lost weight when I can fit into them!!! heather
HeatherGurl

HeatherGurl

1
Julie*'s Journal
 

The Beginning

Well, the time for my probable surgery is getting closer so I thought it would be a great idea to record my thoughts/feelings/emotions as I begin this journey. It's weird because part of me can't even believe that I am at a point where I need lap band surgery. Surely it can't be true but it is and now I've decided to embrace what I hope/believe will make me feel and look like the woman I am on the inside.
Julie*

Julie*

1
dragonwilo's Journal
 

just a bit narotic.....

How come I can be so narotic....I'm up searching the boards looking for someone else that thinks their port could be screwed up by too much coughing. I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow just to set my mind at ease..cause this fretting is going to drive me to divorce....poor hubby.   Other than the cough and the sworeness that comes with it...I'm feeling much better. If I get through the night without a fever I think I'll be home free.
Dragonwillow

Dragonwillow

1
PhotoNut's Journal
 

Dec 20, 2005 - Jan 26, 2006

12/20/05 Met with the nutritionist and started the pre-op, liver-shrinking diet. Starting weight 307   1/03/06 Sleep study - have sleep apnea, 30 occurances an hour   1/05/06 Got the CPAP machine.   1/6/06 PreAdmit at St. Al's, finally exam by Dr.Cahn. Weight 293.8   1/9/06 Weight 291. Checked into St. Al's at 10:15am, prepped and in surgery at 12:15pm. Stayed overnight, hubby stayed with me. He broght the laptop and played my favorite music all night. What a sweetie he is. Gawd was I thirsty. Nothing by mouth until after the barium and swallow tests, so.. we had to swab my mouth with a sponge on a stick that we dipped in water. We called it the lollypop.   1/10/06 Went home late today. The hospital stay was awful. Nursing staff was rude and neglectful, and we suspected one was either drunk or on drugs. Very glad to be home, although I came home with a burn from an accident in the OR. Seems the surgeon was handed a retractor straight from the onclave, which burned thru his glove and he dropped it on my stomach. I now have a 3 1/2 X 1 inch second degree burn right next to the hernia incision. :mad:   1/16/06 Weight 287 Rough week. Sick of protein shakes. Drinking broth, water and slim fasts too. The band of pressure around my chest just under my ribs is horrible. I'm so sore. How do people go to work one week later?? Hubby keeps reminding me I also had hernia surgery and a second degree burn. The port sticks out funny. Its weird to touch it. I think the burn is hurting the worst. Can't get out of bed alone yet. Sleeping on my back only.   1/22/06 Getting out of bed on my own now, painful but doable. Still sleeping in my back. The skin around the burn is so red and sensative that I cant stand for anything to touch it. This makes sleeping difficult, as the covers rub on me all night and wake me up. Im also going stir crazy! Convinced hubby that I'm ok to drive so we went for a two hour drive around town tonight. Ahhh.. relief. Now I will start driving him to work again. Yay, a bit of freedom.   1/23/06 Weight 279 Feeling better except for the burn which has been dripping a clear yellow liquid mixed with blood. Will see Dr. Cahn tomorrow. So hungry for solid food I can hardly stand it. I dont think I can force down another strawberry banana protein shake. *gags* Getting out of bed alone now. Hubby puts on my socks for me. He's been so wonderful, pampering me every step of the way. Realized I was only eating half of the protein I was supposed to be eating. Uh oh. Time to up that from 30 grams to 60. On 500 calories? Good luck!   1/24/06 Saw Dr. Cahn today. He was very upset and concerned about the burn. He said he was going to call the Vice President of St. Al's to make sure I was taken care of. He also called a Wound Care Specialist in St. Luke's and they should be calling me to have me come in. Dr. Cahn said everything esle looked great. All incisions fine, he took off the steritapes. He also said I could start on soft foods. Yay!!   Came home and my son cooked me some Malto Meal. I put some butter and Splenda in my 1/2 C. serving but it wasnt all that great. For lunch I had 1/4 C. cottage with 1/8 C. appleasauce. It was the best cottage cheese I'd ever tasted! For dinner? A can of tuna with fat free Thousand Island dressing. What a treat. And for 32 grams of protein, it's a great meal. Didn't have to have the protein shake today. Hit 60 grams with food. Hoorah! I can have 800 calories a day now, but I think it will take a few days to work into that. It seems like so much food now!   1/25/06 I napped on my side for a few hours! Woke up with my stomach hurting tho, and its been so sore since then. Bummer. I cant wait to feel normal again. Had to take meds to sleep last night.   1/26/06 Hubby took the batteries out of the scales last Friday, so we only weigh on Mondays now. I miss those damn scales! LOL Called Dr. Cahn today, still haven't heard from the wound care doc. Left a message with Sherry.
PhotoNut

PhotoNut

1
Penni60's Journal
 

Jan 18

Jan 18, 06 - Somewhat of a good day physically, anyway. I went for a walk with John this morning. (1.5 miles = 20 min). I have stayed on track as far as food and water goes. Emotionally it sucks. I just heard from my daughter in Florida that she just miscarried. We are all devastated. She is doing fine but wrecked emotionally. SIGH!! I go see Dr. Billy tomorrow for my follow up from the Erosion surgery in Dec. I will come and post an update after I get home.
Penni60

Penni60

1
newgirl's Journal
 

progress

banded 12/28/05. preband weight 245 surgery date 224 1st post op Dr appt. 1/10 212 have not had first fill yet. Am on mushies:hungry:
newgirl

newgirl

1
dragonwilo's Journal
 

In the funk

Not sure how this journal thing works...but going to see if it helps. I'm in a funk, first step is admiting it right? I admit I've been stressed lately. Immediatly after enduring the Mother in law....who no doubt is the most judgemental condecending woman alive, Karah, my 5 year old develops a cold. Oh great..and I suppouse to take my very first plane trip to San Fransico with hubby within the week. So turns out she has Pneumonia, but seems better so off I go to San Fransico...which was wonderful and one of the most freeing trips I think I have ever been on. Mostly, because I was on my own during the day to travel around a strange city using public transportation all on my very own. I've never done ANYTHING like that before. It was great to see, hey...I am capable. I know that sounds silly.   Okay so get home, Karah is still sick, the dog has hurt his tail and had to go to the vet, and then I'm sick. I'm a little angry that all the work I've been doing to loose weight and nothing happens until I get sick. Then a friend points out I gotta look at nsv...so I start trying to find some. Isn't it funny how you can't think of any when you are looking for them? So I'm pldeging to myself...I will start posting my nsv in this journal. And once I'm over this cold, I'll start posting my food journal too.
Dragonwillow

Dragonwillow

1
Penni60's Journal
 

New Stuff

WOW!! Will Alex B ever stop improving on this site. This is amazing and so much fun. Jan 16,06 - Just got home from seeing Eye doc. I had some issues come up after I had a dry heave episode while in the hospital after having my band removed in Dec,05. I got a clean bill of health today. HOORAY!! Eating still on track. Exercise taking a slow start this year due to sciatica having acted up. But it is subsiding now. Getting my water in every day. Starting to get my jewelry biz off the ground. Wanna check it out? www.pemerridesigns.com Later!
Penni60

Penni60

1
Vera's Journal
 

1-16-06

Checking this out... 1-16-06 Had some blood work done today, checking hormone, colestrol, tyroid...I told the doc about my visit with the shrink, he suggested Paxil. Tonight I'll start the stuff and see how it go's Vera
Vera

Vera

6

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