Sunday
Went over to Mario and MaryLou's last night and I drank 4 glasses of Merlot. I feel completely like shit this morning. I have the worst hangover ever. I took an Actos and had a bowl of potato soup. My blood sugar is probably going to be screwed all day now. I am out of test strips and need to go to Walgreens and spend freaking $50 and get some. I must have been majorly dehydrated this morning, scale said 204 lbs. It will be back at 207 tomorrow, I need to STOP weighing everyday, lol.
Just a quick note in my journal before I hit the hay. I have been a very bad person lately with regards to my eating habits. I have eaten all the wrong foods. Since I am disbanded I can eat ANYTHING I want now. And man am I testing that theory. Travelling doesn't help that much. I was in Tucson for about 10 days for a bead show. THen was home for all of 3 days then headed to Nashville, TN / Princeton, KY to visit family. I have been eating fast food and junk mostly on this trip. I am heading home on Thursday the 23rd.
Hopefully once I get home I can get back on track with the diet and exercise and set up a routine. I am still waiting to hear back from Biggest Loser. I think if I don't hear from them by the end of the month then I didn't get picked. Oh well at least I tried.
I am planning on working out the Jewelry Party protocol when I get home. I wanna start making some money with this biz I started. PeMerri Designs is a baby right now but something I am pretty proud of so far. www.pemerridesigns.com will begin to grow soon and who knows I might need some assistants. LOL!! It could happen. I have to research some good marketing strategies.
Enough for tonight!
Saturday
207 lbs
b........Atkins Advantage drink
l......... Lean cuisine
It is 4:00 and I am starving. I am having another protien drink, I should just eat some chicken or something....it stays with me longer. I am getting a small fill next saturday! Maybe to 1.7ccs.
dinner.....the last of the leftover meatloaf and a salad
I'M SO HAPPY! :clap2: :eek: :clap2: :clap2: 235! THATS 12LBS IN A MONTH! ON BSCI.COM'S GRAPH, I'M STEADILY SHEDDING WEIGHT. IT SHOWS IN MY ABS & MY FACE. MY UPPER ABS HAVE A LINE RUNNING THRU IT VERTICALLY, AND MY BELLY IS SMALLER & THE BOTTOM HAS A DEFINITE SCOOP TAKEN OUT OF IT. LAST NITE AS I LAY IN BED I FELT THE BURN IN MY THIGHS SO I KNEW THE NEXT DAY I WOULD WEIGH LESS!
NOW I WANT TO BE 230 BY WED I KNOW I CAN DO IT WITH THIS RESTRICTION.THIS A.M. I COULDN'T EAT MORE THAN 1/2 C OF COTTAGE CHEESE... HAD TO PUT 1/4 C AWAY...I FELT RESTRICTED!
NOW I'M LEARNING TO EAT LESS...1/2C IS ALL I NEED.
YESTERDAY I ATE:
B:1/2C COTTAGE CHEESE & TEA
L: 4PM 1/2C COTT CHEESE, (TRIED TO EAT EGG WHITES BUT COULDN'T STARTED SLIMING, SO I LEFT IT)
D: 9PM 3-4 OZ TURBOT & 3 CRACKERS W EGGPLANT DIDN'T WORKOUT TOO DRAINED NAPPED FROM 6PM-9PM DIDN'T SLEEP WELL @ NITE.
I still feel like crap. Missing food but can't eat anyway. Having trouble drinking sips of clear liquids. Drinking powerade, broth, jello and ice pops. I still feel pain in my stomach, hate chewing the pain pills...uh liquid is avail. why did they give me pills. Will ask Dr on Tuesday. Eric trying to help out but at night when he drinks he says stupid ass things. Called me a douchbag, baby, asshole, bitch...wow this is really helpful in my healing process. Todayhe put some clothes away...not mine only his. At least he is trying to keep house clean, complaining all the way but trying. Will take Nicholas out to Taco Bell for lunch I think so will be quiet a few minutes (I Hope).
Friday
b.....weight control oatmeal, piece of sausage
l......taco salad, no shell
snack..........3 cheese cubes
d......3/4 cup meatloaf with sourcream, salsa, cheese, tortilla chips mixed into it. Was like taco salad!
snack....CIB
OMG,,,I need a fill. I am not staying full at all and just trying to not eat CRAP in between meals. I get full on smaller amounts, I just dont STAY full. I have gone from 214 on Jan 1st to 207.5 today. I am in the one lb a week range. Still slow and steady.
2/17/06 - I have met the surgeon during his seminar, been to my psych eval, quit smoking, and now waiting to hear from surgeon's office. Been torn between banding and gastric rny, but leaning to banding. I am 44 and weigh in at 270 (well 268 but who's counting?). I have been overweight since the age of 17 and steady added weight each and every year until now! The madness must stop.
:clap2: I am hoping to know more by the end of next week and will update my journal again then.
***************************************************
10 pounds down and I screwed up today. I took the kids to Friendly's for dinner and was going to have a salad and diet coke. Well, I just lost it when I saw the menu and ordered buffalo chicken fingers and a BLT and proceeded to eat it. I don't know why- I was wracked with guilt and actually felt very sick by the end. That was an hour ago and I've had diarreah 4 times since. Yuck and now of course the negative self talk keeps happening. I will NOT screw up the next few days of this liquid thing.
I just don't know why I choose to set myself up to fail. this is something I struggle with. do I not deserve to lose the weight? why not? I do deserve it and sometimes we make mistakes. I told my thin sister and she told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and move on. She said she overeats too sometimes but the difference is that she doesn't beat herself up and think she's a bad person like me...... why can't I just be normal?
I believe this is what I want to be banded I should have started this a long time ago but today is just fine. I have an appointment for next Thursday to get more information.:eek:
Okay..so i have skipped a few days on here with the journal. I have lost 18 lbs as of this morning. I am soooooo excited!!! My mom, sister, and brother-in-law are all coming in town this weekend..so it shouldn'tbe that hard to stay on track...they will watch me like a hawk. I haven't cheated AT ALL...since I went to the DR office. I wanted to really bad, on day 5 I think it was...but I have since recovered!!
So surgery is on Monday...:0 I am nervous but ready...here I go.....125 here I come!:eek:
Thursday
I saw 207 on the scale this morning! I need a fill, I am able to eat too much and feeling hungry! I want to wait until 199 lbs though......In January I filled to 1.5ccs, unfilled to 1.3ccs 9 days later, and filled back to 1.5ccs two weeks later. At $100 a visit that was $300 in 3 weeks.
breakfast....JackintheBox combo, ate the sausage and egg and threw out the bread, had half the hash brown.
lunch....2 beef enchiladas, 3 bites of refried beans
snack.....some beef jerky
dinner.....meatloaf, cabbage, an apricot
GOAL 230 BY MAR 1 I NEED TO WALK 2X DAILY I LOOK GOOD! MY HAIR IS POKER STRAIGHT & FULL, I'M WEARING MY TAN TOP W GREY PANTS THAT ARE LOOSE. nsv both pants that Aideen gave me last month that fit are now loose & baggy
WALKED 35 MINS IN AM 1.1 MILE
BREAKFAST 1/2 C COTTAGE CHEESE 90 & 2 C TEA
1LG C (20 OZ) AT MEETING NOT V RESTRICTED TO DAY
LUNCH: 1C TOMATO ROASTED PEPPER SOUP 80 & 1/2 C COTTAGE CHEESE 90 AFTER EATING I FELT RESTRICTED
We fought after mtg he said I keep bothering him after he's done that Roger & I stopped him & I pointed a finger @ him. I told him he was splitting hairs & I couldn't believe the President of MLS would act the way he was. (He's pissed @ me because I am so shut down, now he doesn't get any vibe from me... & I look good ... how dare I not give him any good vibes...told me "who the hell are you" & I answered softly,"Right, who the hell am I after 3 years of working to build your company." He bolted to the door, I said "wait don't just run out" "No" he said & he ran out the door. He knew he went too far.
RW said to me after, you 2 are funny how you guys banter because I said "whatever" is what teeny boppers say.
I called Holb 4 Pattie & she was snotty 2 me... Either he told her to be that way or he was nasty 2 her too.
1ST PB! 4X IN A MATTER OF AN HOUR! RESTRICTION IS HERE!:faint:
NO MORE CHINESE BUFFET FOR ME...I MEAN IT I JUST CANNOT.
FROM GEISS' MESSAGE BOARD:
SOME SUCCEED BECAUSE THEY ARE DESTINED TO
MOST SUCCEED BECAUSE THEY ARE DETERMINED TO :eek:
THOSE WHO WANT TO SUCCEED WILL FIND A WAY
THOSE WHO DON'T WILL FIND AN EXCUSE.
ONCE YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT, YOU MAKE
A COMMITMENT TO THAT DECISION
I ATE 500 CALS IN THE WHOLE DAY
WALKED 40 MINS IN AM & 30 IN PM, 2 MILES TOTAL. BURNED 400 CALS.
I WAS RESTRICTED!
and in pain. Why didn't I get liquid pain medication? Chopping up the pills is gross, tastes soo freaking gross. I am having trouble gettin in and out of bed without help. I think the port is where the most pain is. Have a follow up with Dr Trivedi on Feb 21 at 10:30 am.
Hi everyone.
I've been really unwell lately.
I have some medical conditions besides the obesity and the problems with it. I have asthma, PCOS, GERD, Epstien Barr (chronic fatigue syndrome) costocondritis and Fibromyalgia.
I wish I had this operation last year before I started feeling so sick. Lately, I have been so ill I am am afraid to exert myself at all because I can't breath.
I'm doing this to feel well again, to hell with buying clothes (although that is an added bonus)
Back in May of 1998 I had my first "asthma attack". I woke up wheezing
one morning, went to the hospital, but the time I got there, I was
feeling better. They figured I had it seasonally due to allergies, gave
me an inhaler and that was it. I hardly used it over the years, just
when I was around cigarette smoke or pollen.
Fast foward a few years and now I have Fibrimyalgia which developed into something called Costocondtitis. The tissue in the ribs is
inflammed which constricts the lungs. Coupled with the fact I put on
quite a bit of weight, I have bad asthma now.
But lately it has been worse, my chest feeling tight and coughing on a deep exhale. Especially in the mornings. I'm not sure what is going on
during the night, because I wake in the mornings feeling pretty lousy.
I went to the doctor the other day and she said my breath is sounding
slow on the exhale and gave me Aerobid inhaler.
I'm getting scared and wondering if I will be okay through the surgery.I want to get better, I don't want this! I'm hoping with the weight loss program, I'm hoping it will lessen or dissapear with the
weight loss.
My BMI is lower than some, but that just goes to show you how different we are. My body can't tolerate being 230lbs.
Today I woke up again, feeling ill, and just got in the shower and sat there, letting it pour down on me. For some reason, that always makes me feel better.
12/5/05 - Dr. Les Miles - B'Ham, AL
Goals 1 & 2 - priceless!!
3rd mini-goal - down 15 more by Easter (236-221)
Rabbit&Turtle Challenge, Bootcamp, & Delarla's Challenge
Life Goal: 150 (maybe)
:faint: Feb 15th - total weight loss 18lbs
very hungry. eating too much. It seems to just go through. I see Dr. Woodhead tomorrow. Hope he changes me to pureed.
Today was much better. In fact, I barely felt any "real" hunger. The head hunger is pretty rough but even that is better than yesterday. I think that I actually believe that I can do this and that is a miracle.
I have been doing so much thinking and I can't believe how this weight has really cost me my confidence, self-esteem, and joy. I finally feel hope and I'm going to roll with it.
Today I had a bolt of insight. My Cushing's makes it close to impossible for me to lose weight. The band isn't going to help me lose weight. Cutting my calories and increasing my excersize and activies isn't going to help me lose weight. Until I get this thing straightened out with the celulitus and my skin graph, all work on the Cushing's has to go on hold. Boo-hoo for me.
No matter how I try, I cannot make the change in my Firefox browser so it doesn't show signatures, so I have to look at everyone's signatures. All the Turtles have to look at everyone's signatures.
Now, if you are not a Turtle, you cannot understand what this does to us. You cannot understand what it is like when we see your signatures and you have lost twice as much weight, in a third of the time. It is so increadibly discouraging when we see that you have lost 60 pounds to our 30 pounds.
We Turtles understand all too well that you want to celibrate your success. We in fact, celibrate them with you. But watching your tickers makes us feel like we did when we were kids, when we were the last ones picked for sports teams, when we never were asked out on dates, when we were outsiders.
This is just something that hit me today. This is one of the reasons Turtles get discouraged and leave.
I'm literally almost crying reading this. Mostly because I'mon this pre-op diet and these last two days have been difficult... but also because I needed this! Thank you! Congrats! And a BIG congrats on quitting smoking a second time! It was hard enough to do it once... So - when I say BIG congrats... I mean BIIIIIG congrats! ❤️
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