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Ddragon1's Journal
 

Two days before

Today is Wednesday, March 8, 2006. Friday is my surgery. I am excited but scared. I keep going back and forth in my mood because this is such a huge step in my life. It has taken me a year and a half to get here. I had difficulty with getting my insurance to pay.   I have already dropped 10 pounds with the pre-surgery instructions. This is fantastic. I don't know why I weighed this morning, but I am glad I did. I had started to notice the difference and I wanted to confirm the loss.   Everyone at work is really excited for me. My family is awesome. Tomorrow will be all liquid again and for a month... Something that I find very difficult to adjust my mind to quit falling into the "scared" mood.   :nervous That is a good picture of me.:soccer: I will miss 1 and maybe 2 soccer games within the 7 to 10 days of the estimated recovery time.
Ddragon1

Ddragon1

1
sbest's Journal
 

3/8/06

Well, I'm on vacation this week. It seems that I am also on will power vacation, as well. We got the whole school thing situated, I think. We'll worry about it in August. Anyways, I'm trying to get back on track today, but the food demons keep telling me, "come on, you're on vacation, you've already gained 3 pounds, so what? you'll get back on track on Monday. Eat what you want today, you know you're going to anyways." So I am hard at work fighting these thoughts, but it's only 8:00am and I am already mentally exausted. I'm trying to hype myself up for this.   I ate ALOT yesterday:   breakfast- coffee-50 wheat toast-100 egg-100 easter chocolate-200 lunch- chicken sandwich-410 fries-175 snack- icecream-300 popcorn-150 dinner- drinks-250 half hamburger-250 ranch-200 icecream-300   GRAND TOTAL: 2485   WOW, THAT'S ALOT. Twice as much as I should have. I feel like I can eat pre-band style. I hate how finicky this thing is. I hope I don't need a fill. I hope it tightens up, because at this rate, I'm gonna continue gaining.
*JASMINE*

*JASMINE*

1
Mystjin's Journal
 

appt. set

:clap2: Yea!! I got my appt. set up today. They had a cancellation this Thursday and I got it. 3/9/2006 I'm excited and scared also. It helped me to throw back some candy that I had gotten out of the dish at school today. Can't wait!!
Mystjin

Mystjin

1
Julie*'s Journal
 

March 7

I had my 2 week follow up appt today and the surgeon said that I am healing very well. I thought I only was on mushies for one more week but he said I can start solids at the beginning of the 4th week. I can't figure out why I thought it was the beginning of the 3rd week. I'll have to pull out my paperwork but even if that is incorrect I obviously am going to follow Dr. Forgione's recommendation. I'm starting to get hungrier though and am worried that I am eating too much creamed stuff that is high in calories and sodium. This diet is so bland though that I can't figure out what to eat. I'm almost wondering if I should just go back on the shakes for another 2 weeks at breakfast and lunch and then have soup for dinner. That would keep within the calories that I want to be in and stop the overeating of soup. LOL- Never in my life did I think I would eat too much soup!   It's also time for me to start exercising the doc said. My plan is to get on the treadmill tonight when Mark gets home. My goal is to exercise every day even if it's just 15 minutes a day to start.   I am struggling a bit with wanting to eat more when it's time to stop. I am sad to find out how much food I was consuming once I analyzed it. I've touched on this before and I think it's a a recurring theme for me. I just hope that the hold food has on me will start to go away.
Julie*

Julie*

1
karenj's Journal
 

5 days after

Okay, so my friend took me to my surgery on friday morning. i hate houston, i get lost everytime i go there. especially in the med center. anyway dr. spivak was late. he said that they told me the wrong time. i was scheduled for 9:30 and actually made it about 10:15 or so. anyway i felt like i was at a cattle call. there were probably 15 other patients lined up for surgery. there are obviously several other doctors that do their procedures at this facility. anyway they put some awesome stuff in my iv. i asked for rock and roll, i heard the music then next thing i know i am waking up at it is around 11:00am. The gas pains were absolutely miserable. i was mad at my friend because she was making me walk. i couldn't get rid of the gas pains and couldn't sleep at all on friday. i finally managed to pass out on saturday and slept off and on all sat and sunday. i made it to work on monday for a few hours. then went home cause the pain hurt. anyway i was able to eat dinner lastnight. had a small filet of flounder, a few bits of mushroom rice and a sugar free jello. today at lunch i had 4 bits of enchiladas and a couple of bites of beans with cheese and tomatoes. i was full. that was at 11:00am. it is now 2:30pm and i am getting hungry again so i will go drink a protein drink. i still have some gas but not nearly as bad as a few days ago. i can eat too and that worries me but i will continue as instructed and get a fill when it is time.....
karenj

karenj

1
Jerseytammy's Journal
 

Is my period an excuse?

Today is Tuesday march 7, and sadly to say today seems to be no better than yesterday. Damn I hate to whine and that is what I feel like I am doing. I keep tryin to tell myself all these other people are doing it and they arent whinning, suck it up and do what you have to do. Last night I had spagetti for supper, how much ? I have no clue, I ate until I thought I should be full and then stopped only to go back an hour later and eat more. Am I going to lose weight this way , I seriously doubt it. My husband is a wonderful man but he got on my nevers last night so bad, he watches everything I eat and then says "slow down" between every bite. I am a big girl and I know what the doctor said so I didnt need him to be reminding me through every bite I took. Did I say anything to him, oh yeah and it wasnt pretty. Ya know I am sick of thinking about my weight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is has been an issue my whole life, do normal size women think about their weight all the time? DO they worry about becoming like me? I am sitting here thinking is there every a day that goes by that I dont think about my weight? I honestly dont think so. Wow how sad that is. I mean something as simple as going out to eat with my family can become an ordeal to someone like me, I have been humiliated more than once because I couldn't fit into the booth, or the chairs were so close together that I couldnt get between two people sitting at the table, so I have become the drive-through Queen. WOW that was tough to even type. I guess that will be one of my NSVs, fittin in a booth comfortably. SIGHHHHHHHHHHH Today isnt a good day for me, I am feeling a bit over whelmed. This damn weight thing, the kids, my job, my husband, money, housework, laundry, the dog and lets not even start to mention my Mom and sister. I have noticed that I have started taking more Xanax. I was diagnosed with panic disorder years ago. After being misdiagnosed for years, but to make a very very long story short I am given xanax to take as need when they seem to be gettin out of control. For the last couple of days I have felt like I couldnt breath, so I have taken a nerve pill to help. God I just want one day to go by with me thinking about my weight. I just never see it happening. No matter what I am doing weight is always an issue for me. I am sick of it, so it looks like I would be doing everything in my power to take it off doesnt it. See I ask myself that question all the time, you're scared of a heart attack yeah you do no cardio exercises, you hate being fat yet you over eat, your dad died when you were 12 of a massive stroke (he was 36) and yet you skip days of your own blood pressure medicine. Do I secretly have a death wish? No I dont think I am sucidical (sp) but I just want the madness to stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jerseytammy

Jerseytammy

1
lianna's Journal
 

March 7

Tuesday 202 lbs   199 is so close I can taste it. I have actually lost 8 lbs since February 7th. I have picked up the pace a bit. I need to get off my big butt and start working out. I am hoping to hit 199 by March 21, which gives me 2 weeks to lose 3 lbs.....since i am averaging 1.5 a week I think I can do it without any problem.
lianna

lianna

1
vinesqueen's Journal
 

More Cushing's ramblings

Friday I meet with an Endo, finally. I will be going to Seattle this week, and I have the appointment with my husband's Endo. (Husband is diabetic, and this is his doc)   I tried to make an appointment with the Endocrine Clinic at the UW, but they wouldn't even talk to me without a referral from another Endo and a wad of test results. My Aunt wanted me to go there right off, but they wouldn't even talk to me.   I'm sitting here in near tears because I'm so jumbled up I don't even know what my feeling are, but none of them are happy and light. My husband doesn't totally understand why I'm in a panic, because he comes from a medical family. He and his sisters feel that since I haven't been officially diagnosed, then there is no point in worrying about anything. Since no tests have been run, what's the problem?   I know that part of my grief comes from my past history with doctors not taking me seriously, until something really serious has happened. I had kidney stones, and they sent me home because I "just had a back ache" When I brought in the stones they at least had the good grace to be shocked. And that is just one of many examples of doctors not believing there was something actually wrong. When I had a collapsed lung, the pulminologist told me my only problem was that I was fat. I had an oxygen saturation on room air of 82, but because I was fat, not because my lung was stuck to itself. Like I said, doctors don’t’ take fat women seriously, that or they just don’t take me seriously.   I’m afraid that this new doctor will just see a fat woman and just tell me to lose weight. It’s not like I haven’t tried to lose weight, I mean crap, I had the Lap Band put in last year, and since the end of March, I’ve managed to lose 15 pounds net. Yes, I am very, very glad I was banded, but it’s been hard watching people lose 100 pounds who started with a similar BMI. I spent a month at about 700 calories and managed to lose 1.5 pounds in a month. Of course, when I went back to 1000 calories, I gained 10 pounds in a week. I’ve managed to lose 5 of those pounds.   I’m scared that they won’t find anything wrong with me, that I’m just another head case. I’m afraid that once again I’ll be told to tough it out.
vinesqueen

vinesqueen

2
PhotoNut's Journal
 

Things are changing

Another week begins, and I can't help feeling as if I'm wishing away this year. I will be happy when I can think about something other than losing weight and what food I'm eating. I'm ready for the band to become a PART of my life rather than consuming my life!   Last week Verleen came over every day and we went through the house cleaning everything we could touch. This week, we are working on closets, bathroom drawers, dresser drawers and the like. Possibly the garage if the weather gets nicer. What a treat it is to see the place looking nice again.   Mom came down over the weekend. On Friday, we went to Red Robin and wow, what a great experience that was. Here is my post about the NSV:   Wow, I have something to share! Yesterday, I picked up my mom from the airport (she's in town for the weekend) and she wanted to go out for lunch. Err.. I haven't been out to eat since I started the pre-op diet. I was a nervous wreck. I knew I wasn't going to eat anything I shouldn't but my fear was that smelling and seeing all those foods I used to be addicted to would bring back the cravings. Being a people watcher (my all time favorite hobby), I knew I wasn't going to be able to avoid seeing people enjoying what I couldn't have. Eating out used to be my way of life.   Well, we walked into Red Robin and there they were.. all these people feeding on huge burgers. I watched in amazement as they somehow unhinged their jaws to fit their gaping mouths around these monstrous globs of food… Their cheeks bulging as they smiled and chewed with mayonnaise covered lips. Every plate of food I saw delivered to the tables seemed heaping with enough to feed 3 people.   What I expected to trigger longing and cravings actually was excellent therapy - for me. I ordered iced tea with lemon and a cup of chili - no cheese, no onions, and no crackers. Mom ordered a bowl of chili. The server looked at us like we were nuts.. “That’s –all- you want?” *laughs* When the food arrived it was served with a large round soup spoon, I requested a regular spoon. Mom and I thoroughly enjoyed our chili, and we sat in Red Robin for 3 1/2 hours drinking tea and enjoying a wonderful visit.   As I walked out, I felt an enormous victory in my life and I remembered so many of you saying "Make your dining out time about the people you are with, not about the food." I smiled and walked out feeling so good, rather than being disgusted with myself and feeling so uncomfortably gorged. What a huge victory in my life! ----------------------------   I figured that would be quicker than typing it out again. So, the next day Kelly and David come over with Ethan. Mom, Ryan, Irina, Paul and I were all there. Kelly suggests going out to dinner. We ended up sending mom out with them alone and spent time with Ethan. We had a great time. Before Kelly and David arrived, I had commented that it felt strange not to be cooking a huge meal for the family. I usually do during get togethers. I guess we found out that we can do something different and still enjoy our time together. It was a wonderful evening.   We weighed on Saturday morning. I'd lost 1 pound, and Paul none. The next day, Paul had lost 2 pounds and I stayed the same. Today, *groan* I weighed again and had gained 1/2 pound! Paul took the battery out thank goodness. We start weighing with the Gone for Good Club on Wednesday. I hope I weight 263 so I can keep up my 2 pounds a week!   I hadnt been drinking my water. I stopped walking, although I was being a lot more active cleaning house and stuff. And Ive eaten more chicken the last couple of days - sweet n sour chicken to be exact. I wont be doing that again for a while.
PhotoNut

PhotoNut

1
Kim's Daily Food Log Journal
 

HEEEEELLLLPPP!!

I did it again...went for barely a week doing really good, then BAM!! Horrible horrible eating ever since the 1st of this month. It is already the 6th. I was so close to onederland and it is like I am sabotaging myself to not get there. Nothing major is going on in my life, basically I am stress free. I did have a long talk about living in the moment with my husband and enjoying everyday as it comes. I do have a problem with constantly planning the future and trying to forget mistakes in the past that I do not appreciate or even pretend to live in the NOW! He talked to me about how tomorrow isn't promised and how I am always so stressed about school or work or family and friends that I never appreciate the HERE AND NOW! I am actively working on this now and I guess in my mind this meant I could eat what ever I wanted since I am not promised tomorrow. How did I translate the talk into that rather than workout and eat right now and enjoy the good health and keeping up good health and living longer for the future you have to work at it now! I'm going to try better starting tomorrow. I'm not going to be so drastic that I can't eat some thing bad every once in a while. But I do really well while I am being drastic because it is about all or nothing with me. Starting tomorrow I will get back on the horse AGAIN! I will stop with the cokes and sweets and I will exercise at least once during the day. That is so not askin much on my own account, only not to slip back into the habits I have been trying to break for over a year now. I have to be down below 150 before I will be able to have children and If I don't start some steady weight loss now it will never happen. I can do this and I have to start now!!
kimalicious

kimalicious

1
Jerseytammy's Journal
 

Slow starter

Ok it is March the 6th and I am just now starting my journal. I know I was told to start right away but I am lazy. Wow, I am sitting here thinking that is an ugly word, one associated with fat, large, heavy, full-figured or big, which ever is more politically correct today. Lazy? Maybe a little but try carry around 300 plus pounds around all day and see how much energy you have. Angry? Yeah maybe a little too, I did this to myself, I am the one that allowed myself to get this heavy, no one has ever forced feed me. Did I eat because I was hungry, sometimes, did I get because I was upset, happy, hurt, angry, depressed, or just palin bored, ALOT of times. Did I ever eat for enegry and to maintain good health, NEVER!!!!! Do I look back and blame my mother for not teaching me to eat right from the very beginning? No, I lost my dad due to a major stroke at the age of 12, my Mom raised my sister and I working in a textile mill sewing for years. She never remarried and did the best she knew how too. Going to the grocery store was sometimes the only joy we got, sweets and cookies are cheap compaired to tennis lessons, or cheerleading. She couldnt give us maybe what some of the other kids had but we always had a home cooked meal and cleaned clothes, Thanks Mom. But here I sit today at 39 (40 in April) M-Obese. I know all the right things to do, drink the water, watch what you eat, stay away from white sugars, white bread and pasta, exerise and the weight will come off. Do you know how many doctors have told me that? Do you know how many times I have a doctor blame every little thing that is wrong with me on my weight? I want to cry but here I sit at work and wonder, am I am failure? It is just I am not strong enough or lack the will power. Exercise? I have had to take a wheel chair to the mall and grocery store for over a year now, exercise? You might as well say fly to me right now. Ya want to know something funny, I wont fly on an airplane b/c of a couple of reasons, one if I am scared of flying and I think that I would have a heart attack on the plane and die, not the plane crashing... and the other is I am scared they will ask me to purchase two seats and that I will have to ask for a seat belt expender. Sad how I live my life. I am truly no longer living, just getting by day by day, hanging on by a thread. Ok I told myself that I would start tracking what I eat, (food journal), so here goes Breakfast this morning: Slimfast high protein bar 15 grams of protein. Ok and I am still hungry, I guess I have to just get use to being hungry, I am working on a bottle of water right now, but thoughts that there is a vending machine full of junk less that 50 feet away from me. Sometimes I wonder if I am even normal.:think
Jerseytammy

Jerseytammy

1
Julie*'s Journal
 

March 5

Just got back from an overnight in Montreal with the kids and Susan, Ericson, and Andy. We had a great time but it sure was weird not really being able to eat. I found it interesting that for lunch I had my slimfast, then had a yogurt around 5pm and the insides of a manicotti at 8:30. Wow- that would've been 1/2 of one meal just a few weeks ago. It was so weird not having the bread, the salad and a whole entree. But it wasn't bad at all just different. I am still at 259 but that's ok. I am going to start exercising on Tuesday when I am 2 weeks out. My goal is to get on the treadmill every day. I want this to work and I'm so happy about it now.
Julie*

Julie*

1
vinesqueen's Journal
 

No help for the wicked (2-2-5)

No help for us. We are fat, we are gluttons, we are weak and undeserving of help, sympathy, or adequate medical care. Like Orson Wells said, “Gluttony is not a secret vice.”   Do I believe that? Some days I do in fact believe it, when I’m down, and lately more because of how ill I have been. Mostly it is a load of hog wash. Fat does not equal ugly.   There has long been a weird relationship with food, the body and the Christian church. And of course, we all know the impact that both Protestant and Catholic sects have had on Western Civilization…   Some of the Christian based weight-loss schemes are screaming “fat people don’t go to heaven,” and “use our program based on Leviticus and you will loose weight and be closer to God!” Sorry, I’ve read Leviticus, and I am NOT eating bugs…. (I call them schemes because I think we all here have come to the understanding that “diets” are just schemes…) If you had better self-control, more self-esteem, more will-power, were a better person, loved God more…. You would lose weight and be a better person.   There is no understanding for the overweight from most doctors. Before my husband had his band installed, the cardiologist said “Have you just tried cutting out sweets?” Now, on the face of it, this is good advice, advice we could all use. However, this showed a complete lack of understanding on the part of the doctor. You see, before my husband had his band installed, he weighted 596 pounds with a BMI in the high 80’s. Cutting out sweets would have certainly helped, it wouldn’t have stopped my husband from eating two or three fast-food meals at one sitting, or any of the other overeating behavior some of us know intimately, and other behaviors we are only starting to understand in ourselves and others.   I am currently having difficulty with my asthma: hospitalizations, steroids, greatly reduced lung function, other things as well. What am I told? Well, just lose some weight, we aren’t going to help with this, we are just going to pass judgment on you. Sudden and unexplained weight gain? Well, just don’t eat as much… (never mind that I gained 10 pounds overnight with severe edema…). I have to suspect that part of Delarla’s current adventure with gauze might have been caught earlier if she was thin.   I was told by my doctor that I just need to take up running. Yes that’s right, take up running. Can you imagine a woman with a BMI in the high 40’s running? (Please see the thread about giving one’s self black eyes…)   Being fat or overweight or big boned, or under tall, or metabolically efficient or famine resistant doesn’t make us failures, bad people or jerks. We might be over sexed (skin is the largest sex organ…), but we are not failures, or bad people or jerks. If we are failures or bad people or jerks, it is independent of our weight or size.
vinesqueen

vinesqueen

1
Dawg's Lap-Band Journal
 

3/5

I did weigh again today and got a 263. I won't be updating my totals until wednesday though when I will weigh in again.
dawg

dawg

1
Dawg's Lap-Band Journal
 

3/4

Weighed a day early this week and there is no move on the scale. Probably going to move to a Wednesday weigh in for the 'Gone for Good Club".   Not disappointed though - I feel thinner and my skin is catching up to my weight loss.   Will monitor for a week and try and increase my activity level. I may or may not weigh tomorrow.
dawg

dawg

1
lianna's Journal
 

March 3

Friday   I love this restriction. I think I am at my sweet spot.   b......thin oatmeal, couldnt eat all of it.....got full l......1 piece of fish, 2 shrimp, 1 onion ring d.....T-bone steak tiny tiny bites chewed very well and had no problems. part of a twice baked potato. snack.....2 sugar free mini reeses peanut butter cups
lianna

lianna

1
Confessions of a Nervous Bander
 

Lap Band Dreams?

My surgery is about a week away and I'm really getting nervous, doubting my decision, thinking of the worst scenarios. "Will I be one who erodes?" etc.   I had a dream last night I was banded. I dreamt I was surprised I could lay on my left side with my cat. My cat Sam DEMANDS that I cuddle him with his head on my pillow and I have to be in a spooning position with my arm under him, which requires I lay on my left side. (If I don't do this, he taps on my head with his paw all night until I do)   I also dreamt I drank something at normal speed and THEN remembered I was banded and began to panic, waiting for the PB pain to commence.
NeenBand

NeenBand

1
pycca's Journal
 

Home and banded

well I made it home. althought I was suppose to come home the same day, I had such a hard time with the anesthetic, major dry heaves, I ended up staying overnight and having a barium swallow, to confirm I did not dislodge the band. :cry I am amazed how much my bp had dropped, it is half what it normally runs. sugars have fluctulated alot. some low and some tad bit higher than should. Overall I feel pretty good, My leg is doing ok. I now am beginning to walk on it a bit , It can hold some of my weight. I was concerned I would not be able to do enough walking like we are suppose too. So you can recoupe from broken leg and have band surgery and adjust:scared:
pycca

pycca

1
chameleon's Lap-Band Journal
 

ok...the horny toad has gone back into hiding!

Well, it's me back to as normal as I get! I'm laughing my ass off at my last entry...(I deleted it already!)hope it didn't offend anyone too much but...oh well it's my journal. I have been buried in work at my job lately...I like it that way, time seems to be inching by waiting for this surgery date to be set and everything to be ok'd by the docs, insurance, etc. I will be sooo excited by the time I do the sleep study on the 23rd that theres no way in heck I'll be able to sleep! I wonder if they'll know if I fake....my husband never does heeeheeeheeee. Just kidding honey. I am very bored tonight antrying not ot eat the house down. I was enjoying reading my "most embarrassing moments thread" a little while ago. I did realize that it was very cathartic for me to put mine in writing, but it's somehow soothing to read about others not so proud moments...it makes me realize that we all have a common bond, and that is a comfort to me. Well, gotta go catch up on the boards...happy loosing. ono
chameleon

chameleon

1
luvlif's Journal
 

3/3 236lbs

DON'T LOOK BACK-- YOU'RE NOT HEADED THAT WAY   As you travel through life there are always those times when decisions just have to be made; when the choices are hard, and solutions seem scarce and the rain seems to soak your parade!   There are some situations where all you can do is to simply let go and move on, gather courage together and choose a direction that carries you toward a new dawn.   So pack up your troubles and take a step forward. The process of change can be tough but think about all the excitement ahead if you can be stalwart enough!   There could be adventures you never imagined just waiting around the next bend and wishes and dreams just about to come true in ways you can't yet comprehend!   Perhaps you'll find friendships that spring from new interests as you challenge your status quo and learn there are so many options in life, and so many ways you can grow!   Perhaps you'll go places you never expected and see things that you've never seen or travel to fabulous, faraway worlds and wonderful spots in between!   Perhaps you'll find warmth and affection and caring- a "somebody special" who's there to help you stay centered and listen with interest to stories and feelings you share.   Perhaps you'll find comfort in knowing your friends are supportive of all that you do and believe that whatever decisions you make, they'll be the right choices for you!   So keep putting one foot in front of the other and taking your life day by day. There's a brighter tomorrow that's just down the road. Don't look back!!! You're not going that way!   -----Author Unknown  
luvlif

luvlif

1
Confessions of a Nervous Bander
 

Pre-Op Class Makes Reality Really Sink In

I had my pre-op class today and I have gained 6 lbs. I was told I should lose it as fresh weight gain goes right to the abdomen and takes up the room they need to operate.If there is not enough room for the intruments, they won't do the surgery. Yikes!   Also ran through the possibility of having the tube put in BEFORE you go nto surgery. I would defo panci. I hope they take it out before I wake up too.
NeenBand

NeenBand

1

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