Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
went to Macys last night & bought a suit for tomorrow night.
I look good in it! I had a few phobic moments before I tried on the pants(18 w) remembering last yr & how 20w wouldn't fit before the awards dinner & how upset I was.
2 common signs when I eat:
1. My nose runs after 3 bites
2.I look @ a big plate of food & know I can't eat it
Not the best weekend for eating. Had a few social things and ate things I shouldn't. Just further proof, I suppose that dieting does not work for me. In the past when I have been using Optifast or any other restrictive diet, I would do great for a week or so but I would have to eventually lash out and then almost certainly it would send me spiralling o ut of controle. So I'm not surprised I could not stay on OPtifast for 2 weeks but I'm still a bit dissapointed in myself. Anyeway I'm back on the Optifast now and I know I can stick with it till Wednesday.
We went away for an overnight to Albany, NY to look at a few properties and to rent an apt. I had to do 3 meals out and we even stopped at Mcdonalds. What a difference my life is now with the food.
Mcdonalds: 1 cheeseburger and a water
Breakfast: Low carb omelet with mushrooms and 1 piece of bacon
Lunch: Artichoke and spinach dip
Dinner: 98% fat free clam chowder
Things have just changed so much and I am slowly feeling the addiction to eating all of the time starting to let go of me. I know it's a demon I will always fight but not being hungry all of the time is so liberating. I never used to feel satisfied until I stuffed myself but now I can't do it anymore. I've slowed down because I have to and even my worst choices now are better than my best choices were before!
I exercised 2 times last week and plan to bump it up this week since my head cold is finally going away.
Bandster life certainly gets better as the weeks go on. Amen.
I WAS BANDED ON 3/23 AT NOON AND HOME BY 4PM. MY FIRST THOUGHT WHEN I CAME TO WAS "WHAT IN THE HELL DID I DO TO MYSELF?" I WAS HURTING PRETTY GOOD, ESPECIALLY RIGHT ABOVE MY STERNUM. I THOUGHT I WOULD PROP MYSELF UP IN THE LIVING ROOM AND I TRIED IT. NO CAN DO. I SLOWLY LIMPED MYSELF TO MY BED AND IT WAS A LITTLE BETTER. MY SON WAS WONDERFUL. HE TOOK THE DAY OFF FROM WORK AND HE TOOK REALLY GOOD CARE OF ME. I WOULD SIP ON MY LIQUID PAINKILLER AND I WOULD FADE A LITTLE. ANOTHER SIP, ANOTHER LITTLE FADE. I JUST WANTED TO SLEEP SO I TOOK A FULL DOSAGE AND DID I EVER FALL ASLEEP. WOKE UP AT 11PM, GOT UP OUT OF BED, AND THERE WAS NO PAIN. I WAS SOOOO RELIEVED. THAT WAS ON THURSDAY AND TODAY IS SATURDAY. NO MORE REAL PAIN. SORE BELLY, BUT I CAN LIVE WITH THAT. I'VE ON CLEAR FLUIDS, MAINLY PROPEL WATER FROM GATORADE, THE LEMON FLAVER IS VERY YUMMY. RIGHT NOW IM HAVING SOM CRYSTAL LIGHT. IN BETWEEN THE FLAVORED WATER, I DRINK PLAIN WATER. MY BIGGEST WORRY WAS GOING BACK TO WORK AND HURTING TOO MUCH. IM THINKING I WILL BE OK.
Hello all,
Just thought I should start one of these.
I am a self pay patient, so I literally decided to do this about 2 weeks ago, had my first pre op appt last Tues., they scheduled my surgery for a week from Monday.
I am usually a very research oriented person, but for some reason I have just sort of decided to do this, spur of the moment.
I think I am just so desperate to stop gaining weight I am willing to try anything. and since i have already tried everything short of surgery I thought this was the logical next step.
There is a huge part of me that thinks the part of me steering the boat is out of their mind, but I just keep moving forward towards the surgery anyway.
I am on my second day of the "liquid" diet. I am really confused about what I am supposed to be eating/drinking. that sheet that the doctor gave me said any clear sugar free liquids, plus protein shakes, and nonfat sugar free yogurt, nonfat cottage cheese. I have added eggbeaters to the mix I hope that's ok. I know I am not supposed to have sugar, but am I also supposed to keep the calories low, and if so how low? Also, do I need to worry about protein?
If anybody wants to help me out that would be great!
I am going to try to write in this as much a I can, just to keep a record for myself mostly.
But I would love to hear from anyone...
Thank you for the Site whoever is running this,
J
Overeaters Anonymous lessons to remember on this journey:
(Mostly from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous)
"It works if you work it!"
"Half measures availed us nothing."
"Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfection. We are not saints. We claim progress rather than perfection."
'The Promises'
If we are painstaking about this phase of our developmet, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole atttude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that [our higher power] is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Today is Saturday, March 25, 2006
My husband is working today, and I'm feeling very lazy. I just got up half an hour ago. The first thing I did is look for something to eat. Yesterday's leftovers. Afer two bites, of course, I'm stuck. So much for that idea.
Now I'm journaling. Maybe that's good for me. I'm not thinking about food, but I'm feeling depressed. Normally on the weekends we do all our errands, shopping, cars, etc. But with T at work, I'm sitting here saying, "What am I going to do with my day, until he gets home. I think if I could find something to do, I'd feel better and have more energy.
food plans for the day:
lunch: some kind of meat or leftovers
dinner: some kind of Mexican meat and beans
Is it true that if you plan out your meals, you have better success of eating right and less?
This is wonderment for the day. I'll see if it works.
to be continued...
:mad:
Saw the surgeon yesterday about the throbbing and squeezing in my band area and he said it would take time for my body to get used to it. In the mean time my esophagus is really having a hard time. It's painful. I hope this goes away soon. :cry
Hey mypeeps I am sittin' here ready for my surgery only FIVE DAYS AWAY!!!!! Yea for me!! I am so excited i want to get the firstpart over with so I can start loosing my weight.
This is the second time I'm trying to write a journal entry. The first one was deleted when I clicked on spellcheck. No more spellcheck for me.
Today, my husband told me that he was going to eat out after work, close to his work. That left me to fend for myself. As soon as he told me that, I decided to find a fast food place close to the house and buy something there. I ended up at Long John Silver's. I ordered two fish and its fixings: soda, fries, fritters, and lobster. When I got home, I could only eat half of one piece of the fish. I wonder why I eat fast food as a last resort. I could have come home and cooked for myslef, as I did all week long.
Breakfast: one slice bacon, hot chocolate
Lunch: two center slices sausage pizza, two school-size chocalate milk
Snack: Venti Java Chip decaf Frapaccino
I need to think about why I resort to fast food, instead of healthy choices. This is a sign I ned a fill. Also I need to think about why I let the band do my thinking for me instead of thinking for the band. If I can't eat it, I don't eat it. But if it'll go down, then I eat it.
This is not healthy. I've lost weight because I can't eat much food, not because I've made healthier choices about my food. This is serious and something I need to pray and think about.
Also, I keep saying that I'm going to start exercising at home. I've been doing physical therapy on my back and considering that my exercising. Now that my PT is on hold until after my heart procedures, I don't even do any exercise at all.
Well after 3 days on the cardiac/tuna diet I lost 7.5 pds. Not bad! :clap2:
I weighed myself this morning and was still down 6 pds, so hopefully I can keep it off over the weekend now and do it again M-W of next week before I meet with Schlosser.
I bought some foods from med-diet, and ordered some protein powder. Also got some chewable vitamins from Sams club. Getting ready for the big day.
Tonight we went to the Crystal for what will probably be the last time for me to eat normally (and drink!) It was so noisy in there and crowded we both decided we wont miss it all that much. Zander came in and wanted to come over and talk to us - very awkward, but felt good that he wanted to come and talk to us. Stupid mother of his. Their lose. I had a cheesburger and we shared some onion rings, plus two drinks. Was good, but not that good. :mad:
Thats all for now!
You know that saying....'for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction'.... Well, that would be the best way to discribe my day yesterday. I was invited to a lunch for work. I really wanted to go so I could have a propper meal but also becuase there would be a lot of colleagues there I could see. Anyway, steak was served which was fine but it was the 8 or so glasses of champagne and the Maccas I had on the way home that sent me off the rails.
I remember this happening when I had been on Optifast in the past. There is only so many days I can do it before I break out - usually in a spectacular way.
Last night I felt really disapointed in myself so this morning I went for a walk with my son and hoped back on the Optifast wagon. Funny thing is that even thought I had a lapse it has made me feel much more confident that I will make it to next Thursday OK. So maybe a little breakout is necessary to keep on track. I wouldn't recommend a triple cheese burger but maybe a moderate breakout does more good than harm in the long run.
I'm off to the pharmacy to buy more Optifast.
Unlike what they stated in the seminar they wrote me documentation about what they found out from medical mutual! I am glad I have it in writing.
" Documentation of supervised weight loss experience for six months. (includes my weight watchers experience)
A complete diet history form. Please list hte various diets you have used over the years. Please not if you were overweight as a child or in your teen years.. ALso focus on your dieting efforts for the past five years.
Documentation of your medical concerns related to your obesity. To begin the process, please take the enclosed forms. Also need outside psych exam.
I am very pleased to have the go ahead that they have a file for me there. Really, the only thing I need to do is have all my doctors fax this information over to them. I am extremely P.Oed that the endocrinologist has not yet had acknowledged my patient information request. I might have to have my mother go on over there to get it done. The speed of getting my information for my PreD packet is based on the speed of all the doctors coming together.
Monday the results of my labs will be ready to fax over to JH. Now the ball is rolling
Today I ate three meals, if you count the one slice of bacon at breakfast. I feel I eat a lot for dinner. My husband is on first shift for the next three weeks, the first time in our eight year marriage. I'm cooking for him and me. I keep it to food that I can eat, primarily proteins, like meat.
I've had cravings for coffees like Starbuck's Venti Java Chip Decaf Frapaccino. Who knows how many calories it has, but it's so good. That's probably why I gained one pound this week.
I called the Dr.'s office today to schedule a fill. I have to hang in there until April 12, 2006 to get it tightened. Maybe if I pay more attention to what and when I'm eating, it may help. Sometimes stress and a busy schedule prevent me from paying 100% attention to food intake.
I'll try better tomorrow.
:mad:
Menu for day two.
Breakfast--------------8oz proteing shake blended with skim milk
lunch-=----------five stalks of celery, 10 little pieces of carraotts,1 slimfast....................then went to gym for 30 min on tread mill and 10 in hot tub.
Dinner-------steamed vegies, one cup cottage cheese and now the new discovery...............................Ice and slim fast cappachino flavor is great. You still get the slimfast and also the ice is hard water so you still get the water and or yes the water today, I took in about 120 oz today.:heh: :faint: now its time to :notagree have a grt day you all and good luck
:mad: OMG! I am so bad about writting in this journal!!! I already went to the Dr. then about a week later had my blood test, upper GI, ultrasound (gall bladder, liver, stomach, etc.). It has been about 1 week since all that happened. I haven't heard anything from the Dr. yet so I guess everything went OK and we are just waiting to hear from insurance. I don't know if they will let me know or let the Dr. know and the Dr. let me know??? I did pretty good the first week I was on a diet, lost 4 lbs. then gained 1 lb this week. Booo!! I had a candy spree last week on candy I had bought for school. Yeah right! I wound up eating a lot of it!! I've been doing better the last couple of days tho. Although I am hungry tonight. I was going to bring some pretzels to work and I didn't get them. I did have a salad but it just didn't satisfy me.:hungry: I've got to keep my eye on the goal. The Dr. wants me to lose 15 to 30 lbs. before surgery. I have at least 2 months before I can have the surgery. Maybe I can lose some by then. I was suppose to go to the nutritionist yesterday and I completely forgot about it. I got busy at school and when I thought about it, it was to late to go!! I'll have to call and try to make an appointment in 2 weeks. I think that is when she has another class. I've got to get my head out of my a##!!!
Ok I read alot of entries today, and I am getting more excited. I have joined a club, and found a group that is around my age. Well I have written three times today and I am really happy someone had referred me to this site. It was this lady in the waiting room, she was telling me something about her lap band and said she went to this site for advice or suggestions. I thank her, I didn't catch her name but if you remember me by the picture, just wanted to say hi and thank you so so much. I am actually going to refer this to this lady who sits next to me. I think its so weird, but this lady she sits next to me in my math class and she just got her band about 4 weeks ago, and she shares with me about the lap band, she actually going to give my a list to shop for. She says i have advantage to know someone who already went through it cause she did not have anyone to talk to. Ok I guess that is it for now...man i know i am excited i have been on this site all day and have written in my journal three times ...OK SIX MORE DAYS!!!!:clap2::mad:
I LOOK HOT! Hilary Clinton meeting
Dorrie stared @ me & said "You really look good"
Richard Lenard didn't recognize me. Audrey Livingstone lost 70lbs (I bet she too got banded!) she gave me the standard bandster answer
"I eat everything but in small portions even a little ice cream" Ya ok!
He stared @ me when he saw me in my new suit....Maria said now I look beautiful.
Really starting to feel much better after the band was put in. I had a rough first 3 days, but it's getting better.
One of the main problems was, I had a reaction to my antibioctics.:mad: My ears got real hot, my hands and feet would swell, and I felt like I was running a fever.
I began walking since day one, but really didn't do all that great until today.
Tomorrow I get to eat. I am planning on have a bowl of cream of wheat (extra runny) for breakfest, a cup of jelly-o for lunch, and strained vegatables and strained meat for dinner.
March 23
Tomorrow is my first fill and I am very neverous. I have to be at the hosiptal at 7:05 am, ughhhh! I have had no restriction up until now and have been eating the same as always.
I have read all the threads here and some are rather scarey. I have a huge fear of vomiting so the thought of "pbing" isnt too appealing to me. But thats the plan right? This a tool, a powerful tool to someone like me.
I have so many thoughts going through my head right now it is hard to concentrate on work or even to write this. So I think I will go for now, try to forget about it for now.
Oh and dont think for one minute I havent already thought about what resturant I am going to tonight as a last "meal" kinda thing. Funny how old habits die hard!
Went to the PCP today. She is a slim woman with a dark pixie hair cut -- but instead of being pixie like - shes got a serious demeanor and "doctor shoes and a doctor outfit on". The EKG was alright.. I didnt really realize it wasnt that big of a deal, just stuck a buncha stickers on me and I was relieved that my heart is ok.
I had been having palputations since gaining so much weight.
I weighed in (with shoes) at 248 pounds. (thats a 40 BMI) yikes. My slim average was 188. (thats sixty pounds over... yuck) Im surprised im even recognizable.
They took a blood sample and a urine test, and told me to call on monday so that they can fax everything to Jewish hospital. So basically, the hard part is over. All other information just needs to be faxed over, and since professionals tend not to listen to patients.. Jewish hospital might have to get that information themselves.
I'm literally almost crying reading this. Mostly because I'mon this pre-op diet and these last two days have been difficult... but also because I needed this! Thank you! Congrats! And a BIG congrats on quitting smoking a second time! It was hard enough to do it once... So - when I say BIG congrats... I mean BIIIIIG congrats! ❤️
Was sind last resting-place besten Gewinnchancen in einem Casino? "Einarmige Banditen"
Einarmige Banditen
Casinos werden in erster Linie mit Roulette und Poker in Verbindung gebracht, aber Statistiken zeigen, dass 61 % der Besucher von Spielhallen ihre Zeit damit verbringen, einarmige Banditen zu spielen (Daten von 2013 von der American Gaming Association). Perish Regeln der Spielautomaten sind sehr einfach, und der niedrige Mindesteinsatz macht sie auch fur decease armsten Spieler zuganglich.