Well, another exotic month has passed and my total weightloss as of today is 7 lbs since surgery. This is not an overly exciting amount - but I guess it's better than a kick in the head. :guess
I took measurements again - and I am still losing around my middle. I am bummed because I haven't lost any on the thighs or arms - but I can't complain about belly & back fat loss.
Still no success at getting back on plan with exercise - but today I am back on plan with low carb eating. Sunday I boiled up a big ol' pot of chicken breasts and I had a lovely chicken breast with some Caesar dressing for lunch today. Rusty has salad fixins and veggies for dipping at home.
All I have to do now is make myself do it for the rest of the day - and then the rest of the week. I lost so much (16 lbs in 10 days!) pre-op doing this that I have high hopes for success. :clap2:
I have read back over my previous posts - and it is pretty clear that I have lost a little enthusiasm for the whole process. I didn't even make it thru TWO DAYS of dedication, much less the two months that has been my prior standard. I am not sure if this is a good sign or a bad sign. :girl_hug:
I mean, not being able to maintain an eating plan for even two days is pretty lame - but on the other hand, my prior efforts were in vain, so maybe it's a good thing. Since I have started with a very different mind-set for a long-term approach, I am not overly worried about it. 7 lbs since Feb 6. That's just short of 2 full months. It's not quite a pound a week - but it's close. Considering that I have eaten EVERYTHING - basically like a normal person on vacation - I guess having lost anything at all is a flipping miracle. Maybe this change in my normal Diet concept means that I will have a change in outcome as well. I so want to succeed - but I seriously can't imagine being anything other than fat. I have never been anything other than - so it would be a completely new life experience. :cross-eye
So, I am going low-carb to see if I can knock another 10 lbs or so off the total. It seems like I have lost weight in spurts - a big drop followed by weeks of maintenance. I think my body just needs a few days to adjust to the change. So long as the measurements keep showing progress, I am going to be happy - even if the scale says nothing has changed. :doh:
Now, about that exercise..... well, one thing at a time!
I do find it very intersting on the number of persons who have the band and then it appears they complain, "did I do the right thing" well heavens to gertrude:rolleyes: give me a break. Why? would anyone put themselves through all of the stuff and I mean stuff and not work to make it happen:faint: .
Well tummy, it's me and you bub- I will work not to put anything into you that I know should not go- and YOU need to work on the things that do come your way to make them pass quietly:notagree . I am very glad that I have the web site to read about the other ups and downs and hear the many issues. One of the things I would like to do tummy, is one day eat something that makes us both feel good.
Ok, well I have been up movin around alot. Yesterday, my friend, her sister, and my step sister all went to the mall. I had lots of fun, but the hard part was when I became very hungry, my stomach started hurting, I was trying to wait till the others were hungry, so then i told them I had to eat something. So we went to the food court, there was not really nothing that I could eat. So my sister and I went to the Cajun food place, she ordered one small plate where we could share, we got some burbeon chicken, and some noodles and potatoes. I ate the chicken(small pieces), and ate some potatoes since that was something soft. I became full quickly, but I keep catching myself, still eating when I know I am satisfied.
Then today at school, I went ahead and ate some scramble eggs, and some bacon. I bought some apple sauce for lunch time to eat. This week has been hard these are the todays I really have ate food like this, I did very good i think last week all soups. I guess yesterday i need something i could chew, but i did chew until it was small enough to swallow down my throat.
Well all is well here, except my grandfather did pass away yesterday morning around 4am. That was really sad, eventhought I was entirely close to him, he was on my mothers side of the family. I will miss him though, I really am worried now about my Grandma, I love her so much. She has lost a daughter (my mom) and now her Husband. Its alot for her to handle. But I know she is a strong woman, and I know she will hang in there. I really want to try and visit her sometime this year. If not anyother time atleast Christmas or some part of the summer coming up.
But I am very excited about loosing my weight, we have a scale, its my stepmoms but i know hers is wrong because wehen I went for my pre-op i was 235 thinking i was 220. So on hers i used to be 220ish (some where around that) Now I am at 210 so I see I have lost something, but today she is going to bring a scale from work. I am glad she works at a health place. Oh I can't wait for my trip to see my boyfriend in Jamaica, he is going to be like Whoa!! Hot Mamaz!!! (hahaha) :clap2:. I already found a bathing suit that I really really really want it is so cute, I found it in the Junior department in Foleys at Willowbrook yesterday. But it cost $76, I want it so bad. Its like a one piece but all the back is out, and it ties up on the neck and the colors are so different. I am going to try and get it, i was thinking about buying it soon. And hanging it up on my wall for something to look forward too. I might do that on my next check if i have it. So my goal is to really loose so major weight by June 23, because thats when we are leaving for JAM ROCK MON!!!!!!:girl_hug: and my birthday is June 26 i will be 21. I know i always said i would never get a belly ring but that was because i thought i was to fat and that i would never show my belly but when i loose my weight i can a little. But loosing my weight is for a new beginning in my life. My step mom thinks it my go to my head, and become a little wild, but I really don't think i will be like that because thats just not me. I never really went out because i always felt tired no energy. But i am not going to lie I am going out to the beach parties when i go to JAMROCK MON!!!!! Just have a little fun!!! But ok . lAtErZ!!!!
Today was a day of rest. I must of needed it becuase I had no trouble sleeping the whole day away. I'm trying not to feel guilty!! My swelling started to go down and becuase its Monday I weighed myself - 103kg. I'm pleased with that. I also went for a walk today around the lake. I just went once around and it took me 30 min with stretching at the end.
I'm still not hungry but I can easily have a couple of cups of soup and I feel satisfied but not full like I can't fit another thing in. Hope that's normal.
Today I ate:
Optifast vanilla drink blended with a banana
1/2 cup coffee
1 1/2 cup of Zuccini Soup
Optifast vanilla drink with banana
2 1/2 cups of blended pea and bacon soup
Hot chocolate on skim milk
Coffee
Water
Medication
Prune Juice - yick!!
I am in the process on information gathering. I've been to an information seminar. I've read everything online that I can find - good and bad. Kind'a seems like online is preaching to the choir. I can't find a lot negative. And you know, if something seems to good to be true ....
I called my prospective Dr Office and did find out that they haven't had much luck getting my insurance to pay :girl_hug: although they will pay for gastric bypass. (Now that doesn't make any sense. Payfor a very expensive risky operation and not pay for a safer reversible one.) That being the case, I would be self-pay. So, there is no reason to delay any longer. I guess I will call for an appointment on Monday. I am in Sammamish and they are in Everett. Nice that it is so close.
Breakfast: 1 small pancake with syrup & butter
3 sausage links
fresh fruit
1/4 c. scrambled egg
2 cups orange juice
I'm not full after all of that???????
So, it's official, I recieved a letter from Harvard Pilgrim yesterday saying they have approved the surgery!!! I can't believe it, so now I'm thinking I'll problably have the procedure sometime in May. Now I just have to get mysef on track again and make the most of this next month.
WOW
I was amazing.
I had no idea It could be this way.
I DONT know yet, how much the Steroids are affecting me.. OF course they are alot..
BUt..I am hopefull Its NOt all the steroids.. That would be a SHAME>
PLUS.. I am gonna be asking for some for daily use.. Not near this amount.. like 10 ml a day. I will skip some days and go for it on others.
Here is the list of AMAZING things I did.. THAT I NEVER DO..
THAT were IMPOSSIBEL TO DO.
I drove with out adequate emergency money. On bad tires and a car that overheats sometimes.. hundreds of miles, in the night, no cell, with only a 13 yr old companion with no real plans set in stone.
CUZ I KNEW I COULD handle any problem that might come up, it was Go or NOt go.. I had no way to fiz these problems.. BEFORE I would OF NEVER went in a million years.. I might cause a horrific tradgic event from a simple flat tire..
Me and CRY left at 10pm on saturday night.. we drove into Tillamook then slept at the rest stop for the fun of it.
usually I would NEVER start a trip late and do something like sleep in the van right away cuz it would start me in pain that ruined me before I could even start.
I slept on the van floor on a foam pad. It was not painfull. I did not take extra pills. I did not cry and want to die. IT WAS FUN!
Everytime I sleep on any surface besides my bed.. I dont sleep, I take like 6 vicodan, I am in pain the whole time and Its HORRIFIC sufrfering I just try to deal with.. no choice.. Even though I love the idea of sleeping in the van like that in the night and the nature.. It hurt too much to be fun.
I parked at the last parking space from the toilets.
I made this choice wondering if I would move or drive closer later. I choose not to have the light in my eyes. BEFORE I would of parked as close as possible NO matter what.
I walked to the bathroom 4 times in the middle of the night.
I did not drive or park near the potty. I didnt wake child to help me.
I put on my shoes. I got my wipes. I walked fast there and back.
I opened door, got in, took shoes off I went right back to sleep.
This was alot of steroids kicking in.. but still, 4 times? totally easy each time, I mean it was effort but it wasnt like I was torturing myself. Normally I cant walk this far, I would get a ton of help from a kid and DEFINATELy driver as close to the potty as I could get. The whole ordeal of pissing at night at camp was the worst.. this was nothing. The pee freely.. WOWO
I got us up at 9am and brushed teeth and cleaned the van. Put on makeup and got all ready. I did this the whole trip EXRTRA well.. WE both looked good and were clean all but one day. The VAN too.
This is usually so important to me but something I never am saticfied about. It ruins trips for me mentally and I always tried to let it go cus its not whats important and I cant handle it all.. I was totally happy with us.. Ii was proud to walk around and I felt good, not like a scum.. WONDERFUL.
I went into the Jiffy mart like 10 times and got stuff and paid myself and carried stuff.. I went in many times alone. I only sent CRy in alone a few times. Normally I may go in once.. and never again. Its how I save my energy. I want to go in.. But I just cant make the trip if I do.
I bowled a whole game by my self, never had anyone talke a turn for me.
I have always had kids take my turn.. Prolly my first whole game in 10 yrs.
I put two cans of oil in my van all by myself. I bought them too. ALL me.
I would have the gas people do it. OR I would have a kid help.
I held the air pump for crystal and was activily involved in keeping the tires inflated. Same with the fix a flat can, and checking for leaks.
I wouldnt have dealt with all this, I would not of made the trip. It would of been too much trouble and too much to do and not manageble.
I went in and bought a newspaper in forrst grove by my self. I bought a few papers. I read three papers (all of them) and I took numbers of APt.
I would of not read them all. I may of skipped this, I usually dont have the time or patience.
I sat in sharons kitchen chair for like an hour without dying.I was able to go in and be comfortable and not worry and feel so pitifull and viset.
Going to sharons is always hard cuz she wants to show me things and lots of times sitting is not the option or the sitting isnt good for my back at all.. her place is not cripple friendly and I am not comfortable telling her how I am ready to faint and my back is feeling explosive,So its always hard trying to manage and not look like a loser.. I didnt really want to know how bad I felt. ya know..
I stood up and used sharrons phone for a quic call and didnt have to sit. Twice. I stood over her desk and made phone calls.
I would have to sit to even think before I could even dial before. She noticed this and tried to accomodate me to sit not realizing I was choosing to stand.. I never noticed her being tune to my needs before but I guess she was.. I am glad to know she recognized how hard I had it..
I walked around the entire Shoe store. Front and back and more. I looked at lots of shoes and wondered around on my own. Plus my mom parked in a parking spot and I walked to and from the shoe store.
Normally people drop me off, I go in and sit and they come to me. I barely get it done this way. I get hot. The places to sit are not good enough.. waiting and thinking and choosing what to do as far as getting what is mind numbing.. I can barely make it to pay and back to the car. I always need help holding my hand or something.. it was hard, and my mom has no clue how it usually is.. but I would of never showed her.. I would of stayed in the car and told her I couldnt go in before I went in like a crippled freak. My parents just have no clue how bad off I am.
I took a shower at my moms, alone.
I cant even do this at home. I get help ALWAYS with something. NO one was home but me, and I just went for it cuz I felt like I could. I got my clothes, supplies, found a towl, ran the tub, washed and got out and dried and dressed and cleaned up my mess.. NOrmally all I do is get in the tub, wash, get out and dry.. everything else is done for me.
I did a load of laundry at my moms alone..
same as above.. I put it in the washer and dryer and took them out.
THIS IS NEVER EVER DONE fully by me..
I left my moms house on my own..
I took stuff out and from my van when we were at my moms.
I could of had CRy come home first to avoid being stuck with too much loose ends to tidy, but I choose to pick her up, so I had to get everything loaded and dooors locked and such on my own.. it was hard but I did it. I would of passed out before.
I walked down oceanside trail and rocks and back up NO problem. No fear. NO help and I carried stuff too. I laid on a blanket for half a day and my back was fine.. I was not hurt and didnt suffer later.
I almost never go down. If I do, someone has to hold me. Its very scarey and more trouble than its worth and I cant stay long and coming up makes me want to die and I am wrecked the rest of the day for so little..
I swam laps for almost an hour and didnt get bored or tired or stiff and loved it. I went in at 6am too.. We went twice. I took Full shower. I looked around the facility alittle. YMCA
May have skipped it, not wanting to deal with the counter lady. May have skipped the pool and only used the shower.. Never would of swam so many laps and enjoyed it. My neck and shoulders and back would hurt way before I could enjoyit.
I went into shilo store a few times alone. I filled the huge dew jug on my own. I had to get the dew jug for amber as a gift and normally I would of walked out and not filled it, cuz I wouldnt have the strengh anD I would be affraid of spilling it or not being able to manage it and just skipped it. I always have to skip things like that even if I want to do it or should do it.
We went to the cheese factory to find something for my easter exchange. I looked through the entire gift store. Then the other side of the factory too. Then stood in line and paid for my stuff. WE NEVER sat down. I did this again a few days later on a smaller scale.. NO sitting.
I usually walk in and sit down immmediately to rest. Then I sit and look and scout and I send kids to look and do things and then I get up and move here and there sitting as I go.. I make the kids pay always. Its all about getting as much as I can without fainting. Its the best I could do without missing out. I am glad to be there but its such a pain and hassle.
I went into the netarts store alone and got apple juice and had them open it.. scaled thw whole store looking for mellows.
I went into the idaville store too, went through the whole store looked at things. I went into many little stores and walked through the whole thing looking for good deals to feed and water us. I looked at misc things too.
usullally, I am in and out as fast as I can. leaning on things, asking where things are, asking them to get me things, waiting for a kid to find things, just holding on till I can get back to the car and sit again. Not able to look at anything or enjoy anything or talk to anyone in a regular way. Usually rude and curt and short with everyone and dont pay any mind to details as I am dizzy and unable to focus on anything but getting through it.
At jenns and my moms, I got my own food and drinks. I even cooked in a pan and used the microwave and cleaned up my own mess. I threw away my own trash too.
I have everyone do this for me. Its wasted energy I cant ever spare and is just so hard. I always mess up. I cant do it right. When I try its just a joke and I either go without or I ask someone or I get offers. I didnt like it at all, it was nervewracking and I rather not do these things for my self, but I COULD.. so I did a few times instead of NONE. It sucks though.
Throwing away trash isnt fun at all.. Its hard.
I went to the movies. I walked accross the street, paid the window and went right to seats in the front. The seats fit me so perfect. After I walked out NO help and back to the van, I stood and spoke to jenn by the wall about dinner plans. I enjoyed the movie start to finish.
usually, I would not pay as i would be leaning trying to keep upright long enough to get inside. I would never of parked accross the street. Someone would of had to drop me off and parked, or I would not go.
I would of got in my van asap and sat, making everyone come to me to talk or say bye or make the plans. I would be exhausted and wish I didnt go cuz my back hurt so much and my hips would be bruised, but I would grin and tell everyone I was so glad we did this.. regretting it too.
I walked around the Fish hatchey.. usually I wouldnt get out at all or I wouldnt go as far as I did. Depends.
I slept in the van at barveiw for hours really well.. even though my back was hurting. It was peacefull like I cant describe. I enjoyed it.
I could never enjoy what I should cuz of the pain.. Nothing made it OK.
At barveiw.. we parked away from the bathroom and I walked int he middle of the night to it instead of drove.
This was after many days of activity and I would be BENT and crippled by now and doing alot less.. but just like the first night.. I was still able.
I woke in the middle of the night (3am) wide awake and choose to drive to town and find a laundry matt.. I didnt get crytal to help and let her sleep. I got the laundry ready and did it all my self.. got the money and all, put the close in and everything. I had to make many trips back and forth.
I would NEVER ever do this..I COULDnt physically if I wanted to..
I usually help with laundry and liked that I could do this.. I thought the washer was broke and had to get cry to help then, but I wanted her up anyway for company.
We sat in this laundry matt, on hard tables viseting and wathcing VH1.
We changed and put on makeup and had a great conversation about running a teen youth center and low income food service and such. I folded the clothes.
Normally I would sit in the van.. I would not sit in inside and have a white trash fun time with the kids. Its uncomfortable and a strain. This was fun.
I took avery and crystal INTo mcdonalds to eat. I almost never would do this. Its too hard to order and wait and the seats are too small. I usually choose it to be easier on me than think of their comforts cuz I cant Do everything even if I CAN.. i have to pick and choose and this is one of those things I have been selfish about mostly.. not going in!
I took avery with cry to be in the hot tub at my moms. I was in charge.
I normally would not of done this cuz it would take too much effort on my part. Its not my hot tub or my house and my parents are not used to kids and I would have to be sure they were dressed and towls and behaved and quiet and DRy and didnt let the birds out and didnt harm the tub and so on and so on and its too much.. I just wouldnt try cuz I would likely mess it up and look the fool. Well, it wasnt perfect.. BUt it was doable.
My parents commented on my weight loss FINALLY.. They meant it this time. I felt proud for the first time with them and this band,.
I told them my acheivements instead of downplaying myelf.
I didnt feel like a huge blob invading their home and destroying their stuff and hurting their eyes and makeing them feel blah at the site of me and all my lame lame lamo. I usually feel huge dissapointment, (its there) and no matter how hard I try not to look so bad, and hide my lameness. I cant do it and trying so hard makes it worse. It was a vicious cycle.
I wore my black outfit with the shells that was way too small last year. and it looks fine. My mom gave me some sandles that are size 8 and they fit. My mom bought me a shirt and it was 26-28 and it ended up fitting!
The outfit wasnt wearable as it was too small all over. I havent been in any shoe under size 10 since I was 20. I never find a shirt from a real store that fits.
I slept on jenns couch, twice and it was fine.. I cant even sit on it for long its so weird and uncomfortable. She wont even sleep on it.
MY black girdle goes right on me...I have had this for a long long time and it took mass effort to put on, now pulls up like undies.
My white bra holds me in and I feel comfortable in it.. I have never been able to contain my fat around my bra.. and constantly hassled with it and never felt comfortable. It was obsessive how all I thought about was how it looked. It was impossible to contain yet I couldnt stop trying.. crazy,
Small Latte
Banana Smoothie
Latte
1 1/2 cups potato and leek soup
Water Water Water
soluable multi vit.
1 1/2 cups zuccini soup
Another good day. Took my waterproof bandages off today and I was surprised at how small the uncissions are. I take the steri strips off on Thursday.
Banded March 27th, home on the 29th. Was having a heck of a time with liquids, especially since my daughter is out of state at her "father's." I miss her. To add insult to injury I broke up with my boyfriend the day before I left for surgery after dating almost two years.
I'm guessing it's mostly the emotional tie I have with food that's making it so difficult. I did find that hummus is a godsend. I know I'm not supposed to be on mushies yet but I had to do it.
I am starting to get the hang of this, five days out. I'm not hungry, per se, but I find myself constantly checking for signs of hunger then trying to convince myself I have to be hungry because a few bites of this or that cannot be enough compared to the three plus squares I used to eat. They say you have to do something at least twenty-one times before it becomes a habit, I'll catch on sooner or later.
Today's menu:
1/2 cup protein drink in the a.m. (150 calories):girl_hug: :D
1/2 cup of super mushy oatmeal (130 calories)
1/2 cup of hummus (200-300 calories)
1 egg scrambled for dinner (how many calories in an egg?)
1/2+ cup jello before bed to stave off the mental munchies (100 calories)
Water, water, water, water
I can't wait for a chicken breast!!! I dont' care if it's even cooked or defeathered or nothing.
:clap2: One more step down. Friday I had my cardio appointment. I guess that they think most people who are "super super Morbidly obese" should have heart problems. Heck I keep feeling like they want me to be sick! :faint: Anyway the appointment went great. BUT...now I have to have a echo- cardiogram and stress echo-cardiogram. SO that will be the 21 and I will be done with appointments. I cant believe that I only have 34 days left. I am so excited. Today we spent the day working at mom & dad's. We emptied out the garage and cleaned the yards burnt the branches for all the wind storms. It is really looking nice for them. Dad is doing so good. I so glad he is better and can enjoy his new home. Rick and I are beat tonight. The neighbor came over and ask us if we want to out for dinner and beer. Lucky I had just put some chicken in the oven. I did pretty good today.. We all ordered pizza so I just had the topping off of three slices. But water was hard.. only like bottled and mom didn't have any. So I'm busy drinking tonight. Hey it SPRING ahead tonight.
Looks like we could have a nice day tomorrow Yeah get to work in the yard.
Below are the plans that I laid for the conference I attended today and will attend Sunday and Monday all day:
Plans for Saturday at the conference:
breakfast: vitamins, water
lunch: McDonald's cheeseburger, no bread; diet drink or water
dinner: some kind of meat: Mexican steak or arrachera, drink
I plan to drink more water. I'll update on how much I actually drank all day.
Actual intake:
breakfast: cup hot chocalate
snack: 1/2 slice lemon loaf
lunch/dinner @ 5:00 two slices pizza (no crust) ate only cheese and pepperoni, salad, cup root beer
I'm not getting water in. I need to be much more diligent in this. The problem is that I hate plain water. I need to buy flavored water, and I bet I'll drink again.
Clearly I cannot eat in the morning. But I can drink warm liquids. I think that's why I like coffee or hot chocolate for breakfast. At lunch, if I haven't eaten much for breakfast, I can barely eat. Maybe some meat.
At dinner, I'm dangerous. I'm usually hungry and I want to eat the first thing I see, whether I can actually eat it or not. I try sometimes. Usually it proves to be a pb.
I live to learn and learn to live.
Tomorrow will be more of the same.
no breakfast or some hot drink
lunch: burger-if I can find the McDonald's
dinner: meat or soup, depending on what my husband makes
:girl_hug:
Well, It's sure been a wild week for me.
I got all moved out of my apartment at Idaho State, and moved back with my husband and son. I've sure missed them. My MIL drove back with me, which is a good thing because I'm doing that "completely blind in the dark" thing. Hard to drive 14 hours, but we did it.
I still have half a dozen bins to unpack, and re-integrate back into my family. I have to go through things and repack things that I don't need. I'll be saving them if I decided to go back to ISU, after everything is taken care of.
Still haven't figured out what my husband did with my main pencil pod with my drawing pencils, nor my main sketch book, but I have a back up set of pencils and sketchbook, even if the pencils are not in a nice contained pod.
One of the first things I did was find out if the local parks departments was offering bellydance. Joy of Joy! They are, and they are offering it at the new facility they built by my house. So I have bellydancing in walking distance! Today my husband took me down to a local Egyptian shop and I bought my first professional dance bra, I'm so excited! I got a gold beaded one, in the Turkish style. http://www.pyramidimports.com/bellydancing/bdbs1004.htm is a pix of the bra I got, but I sure don't have her body! :girl_hug: I was amazed that they had a bra to fit me, but they did, and in stock! I'm so excited. I already have a burgundy and gold belled dance belt, so I didn't buy this one.
I spent the morning clearout out our pantry, getting rid of almost all the grains and open pasta and bread mix types of thing. Some of the packages have been in there for ... gosh, 3 years, and some how, moths got into the flour products. So everything went into my neglected compost/worm bins. I was happy to see I still have some worms hanging out, neglected as they were.
This week I got my date to go to OHSU for a complete test pass.
Wow, what a week.
Yep here it is a clear day in Idaho(Ha) and still on the preop diet.:nervous The good thing is that I still am here, I would kill for food but I know that this is a signal from my brain to my empty tummy saying eat. This I will not do until I am on the after diet. So tummy hang in there:rolleyes: the never ending journey is still under wat:biggrin1: and we will win:scared:
Lastnight I had some very strong dreams, some pleasant, some not, but the one that is sticking with me, (besides the part about being feed shots of Senior Frog's green tequilla) was one of love and self acceptance.
The scene was after a huge flood, the waters had receded and the clean-up had begun. A very large woman was being interviewed by a national morning talk-show, like Goodmorning or Today (I don't watch these types of shows, but you know the type). She was about 350 pounds, and a professional belly dancer. She finished her interview, than ran out infront of the celibration parade and started dancing. She wasn't wearing typical belly dancing costuming, but it was still very pretty. She started dancing, and suddenly she opened her costume and "gave birth" to two other large dancers, who were strikingly beautiful, even though they both weighed about 300 pounds. They were also dressed in skimpy costumes, but they didn't care what anyone thought, they just danced their hearts out, danced to show their joy and happiness that the flood was over and reconstruction was to begin.
This was so amazing for me. I woke up with a sense of renewed determination. Here were these fat dancers who were out there for everyone to see, they didn't care what anyone thought, they just were out dancing their joy that the disaster was over, and time to rebuild.
I have been so stressed lately, feeling like I'm treading water and not making any headway in my journey. It's hard to face the scale when I gain weight on 1000 calories, but I'm not giving up.
I'm dancing like no one is watching, whirling my way through the debre of my life. I'm a bull terrier, once I latch onto something I don't let go, even when common sense says to move on. But I'm not giving up. I'm not letting go.
Never give up, Never surrender.
:girl_hug: :clap2: :D 227.5! :D :clap2: ONWARD!:clap2: :D :clap2:
I'M SOOO HAPPY! WENT TO GEISS YESTERDAY 238 ON HIS SCALE.247 ON HIS SCALE 2/14/06
OH WELL, I'M HAPPY HAD A SMALL ADJUSTMENT... AGAIN MEL COULDN'T GET TO IT,POWERS & KAREN CAME IN & IT TOOK POWERS A WHILE TO ACCESS IT TOO! I TOLD THEM TO JUST GIVE ME .01CC.
WENT TO VICTORIA SECRETS & BOUGHT A NEW BEAUTIFUL BRA & IT FITS GREAT!
ONWARD!
THE BEST IS YET TO COME!
I WANT TO LIVE MORE ABUNDANTLY
I'M WEARING ALL NEW CLOTHES... NEW SUITS, JACKETS, PANTS & SHIRTS! YIPEE! (& BRAS & UNDERWEAR TOO!) HAD MY HAIR COLORED BUT DARKER DON'T KNOW STILL IF I LIKE IT.
MET JANE FRIED @ CHINESE BUFFET, SHE LOOKS GOOD...HAD HER NECK, ARMS & TUMMY TUCK $18K SHE DIDN'T RECOGNIZE ME @ FIRST! NEITHER DID MATT'S WIFE (FAI'S FRIEND)
5:30am-maybe 20 red grapes in the car on the way to work.
9:00am-2 white cheddar rice cakes
10am 6 strawberries and 1/2 can tuna with 2 pickle spears
12p - grilled cheese sandwich with fries
3p- 3 snickerdoodle cookies
6pm - filet of cod, 1/4 c. rice pilaf, 1/2 c. string beans
8pm - bowl of mint choc. chip ice cream
5? thin mint girl scout cookies
5? potato chips
Lots of water
1/4 can caffeine free soda (not diet)
Reality has hit, hard. I decided to weigh myself this morning as I was getting ready for work. Even before I stepped on the scale that I haven't used now for months, I gave myself a pep talk. I tried to convince myself that the weight I knew I've gained was okay because after all I am pregnant. I convinced myself even before lifting one toe toward the horrible weighing machine that whatever the display read I would not let it ruin my day. Finally, I gained the courage to make the step onto the scale and it read 119.5. I was confused. Oops! Someone set the scale to Kg (probably my foreign-born spouse who can make total sense out of the meteric system). Okay trying again, now with the scale settings properly adjusted, it read "264.5". Holy crap! That's 30lbs since November!!! Yes, I know that I'm pregnant, but the recommended weight gain for overweight women is like 15lbs or something. I am not disappointed that I've gained weight with my pregnancy, it's the amount of weight that I'm disappointed in.
So, analyzing the situation, I know what has happened. 1) I haven't exercised all winter. 2) I eat ice cream or chips or popcorn or candy or chocolate on a daily basis. (an 8 count box of ice cream drumsticks in 2 days) 3) Having my band unfilled in December was not a good idea-I have no restriction nor do I have self control.
I am just out of control. Really. I've known this for a while now, but I have finally decided to face the reality of the situation. I've been warned by my OB/GYN that the hospital I plan on having my baby at will not deliver a woman with a BMI over 40 (I think)-maybe it's that they won't take a pregnant woman with a BMI over 40 because of the weight they'll gain, then they'll be well over a 40 BMI when they deliver. Whatever. I need to start eating healthier and exercising. BTW-the scale at her office read 258 2 weeks ago. Either I've gained 6lbs in 2 weeks or our scales are not calibrated the same. I'm praying for the latter.
I need to make some changes, now! It sounds so easy. 1) Eat healthy, nutritious food. 2) Move your body.
I definately am not looking to lose weight, again I am pregnant and I'm well read on the topic of weightloss during pregnancy. Still, my focus should be to get back to the basics of being banded (I've nearly forgot that I have a band except for the occasional morning PB on a bagel or some other type of bread).
Here is the agreement that I've made with myself.
1) Completely cut out candy,ice cream and junk food
2) Limit liquids to water, crystal light, lowfat milk (no soda!!!)
3) Eat fish 3 times/week (not fried)-omega3's are so good for ya!
4) Exercise daily even if the weather is crappy, I will find a place and time everyday to at least take a 20-30 minute walk.
I know that I need to get back on track not only for me and my health, but for the little girl living in my womb. I know that I'm way less moody and more energetic when I eat well and get my exercise. Oh yeah, and my skin looks great, I guess it's the protein.
There's my plan all layed out.
on thursday or friday i got my endocrinologist crap. it wasnt ANYTHING what I expected, and they did charge me almost five dollars. They ended up scanning my referral from 2003.. (WTF) :faint: back to my PCP before I left for college.
So no documentation of my symptom X diabetes, no documentation of my PCOS.. stupid idiots.. but the header does say: yatta yatta endocrinology so the medical review board will see that if having it even does pump up my case the least bit.........
I also had my information and money sent to have my PCP fax my info to jewish.. so by monday I will turn everything in to them and they should be able to send my PRE'D packet off to med mutual from here.
I predict that by wednesday at the least it should be sent out.. and then the waiting game begins to see if i am approved.
Saturday
I feel like I am sabotaging my self these past few days. I woke up starving yesterday. Fridays are such a relaxed day at school, we can wear jeans with our staff shirt. I felt really cute in my new (this particular pair size 16W) denim capris, staff polo, and Keds! I must be feeling TOO carefree. I passed Jack in the Box and thought "what the hell". Got the double sausage thing.....#17.
breakfast....2 pieces sausage, egg (did trash buns) and half hashbrown
lunch...soup, was feeling guilty
snack 1....soup didnt fill me up, OF COURSE, and there was German chocolate cake in lounge for March birthdays.....ate a piece, I had no idea cake was easy to eat.
snack 2.....handul of jellybellies one of my students gave me, okay....maybe 15 little jelly bellies
Snack 3.....small pack of animal crackers, 130 calorie pack
supper.....3 shrimp, 2 bites of fish, 2 bites of beans
snack 4......2 sugarfree mini reeses, 1 small sugarfree mint patty
I am insane. It is not even PMS. I think I feel relieved that I made first goal and just felt like "F it, I am taking a day off". I will focus on staying on track today.
Today is my first 'normal' day with the band. A good friend of mine is up from Sydney to help me out and she has made me a couple of yummy vegatable soups. Today I ate:
Banana Smoothie
Sm Skim Latte
Little bit of yoghurt (few teaspoons at a time. All up less than 1/2 cup.
1 1/2 cups of potato and leek soup
1 1/2 cups of roast vegetable soup
Lots of water and a soluable mulit vitamin.
I must say I did that pretty easily and wasn't really hungry at any stage.
My tummy is tender and bloated but I'm getting around OK. I even went to the shops today which was probably not a great idea but I felt good.
I just watched Super Size Me - Holy Crap what a movie!!! My kids arn't going to see the inside a Maccas for a long, long time.
Tomorrow I'm going for a walk around the lake.
I'm literally almost crying reading this. Mostly because I'mon this pre-op diet and these last two days have been difficult... but also because I needed this! Thank you! Congrats! And a BIG congrats on quitting smoking a second time! It was hard enough to do it once... So - when I say BIG congrats... I mean BIIIIIG congrats! ❤️
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Einarmige Banditen
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