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shauntil6266's Journal
 

Post Op

Yesterday, I went to the doctors for my appointment, and I went on the scale, and it read 113.5, I was so excited. I thought before I was 235 but I asked the nurse and she said I was only 223. So I was happy about that too. Yea for me 10 pds in one week YIPPEEE!!! So now I can move on to non-clear liquids, like apple sauce, pudding (low fat), and thicker soups. I just can't wait till week three. I have been cheating BIG time at school. On monday I actually ate some scramble eggs, and later that day i ate some broclli and cheese soup from Jasons Deli, ( that was not that bad) but tuesday I did the samething eggs again. Wednesday i was a good girl. Ate my applesauce, lunch i had some tomato soup, and later that day i had some frito pie but only two small bits. Today I ate some applesauce for breakfast and lunch i ate chick nuggets only 3, and right now i am eating some pudding. I need to stop cheating so much, because if i can loose another 10 pds for this week that would be so awesome so i am pround of myself for loosing the first 10pds but also upset with myself cause now i am acting as if i can't control myself when i know i can so i just need to ask god for guidence through this, and help me with restriction. but ok that was the update for today. Oh yeah this morning i did loose another 3pds but i probably gained them back already well see when i get home tonight. its my step sisters birthday today, we are buying her a cake. but i know i can't have any i probably have me some soup.
shauntil6266

shauntil6266

1
vinesqueen's Journal
 

bellydancing last night

Last night was my Wednesday night bellydancing class. It was my second class with this group, and the intermediate class is also the solo class. So I thought I'd be doing a solo next week, but as it turns out, we didn't have a soloist this week, and the instructor wanted to know if I was ready to go.   :girl_hug:   So, I haven't got anything prepaired, all my music is still packed up, and well, I told her to pick a slow veil piece. So there I am, in front of every one and the new music starts, music that I've never heard before, and I dance. It was such a beautiful piece, so sensual and flowing.   When the instructor announced that I'd be the soloist that night, I was greeted with some curiosity, because here I am, my second night, being the featured performer. I started with my back to the audience and started with beautiful arms and the slowly unwound myself from the veil. It was a 5 minute solo, and I rocked their worlds.   At the end of the dance, the soloist sits in front of the troupe, and they critique the dance and dancer. Last week, there were two soloists, and this week just me. The combined critique time from lastweek took about as long as my single critique. I knocked their socks off! One woman asked how long I'd been dancing, and I said, 'I've been taking lessons off and on since I was 18, and now I'm old." At which point they all started laughing.   After the class one of the drummers made a point of telling me how much he liked my dance, and wanted to know if I understood the effect it had, if I had done it on purpose. The instructor laughed, and said "of course she did, she's an experienced dancer!"   It was such a great night last night. Just great. I still feel rather unsure in the regular class, but that comes with being new to the group. Every group does things differently, and I just have to get used to the way the group does things. I sure need work on my zill work!:faint:   The instructor really wants me to dance at the hafla next week. Its an "alternative hafla" where it was described as a any music, any costume with a bellydance flair dancing style. It doesn't have to be strictly bellydancing, and I think it will be a while lot of fun. I'm thinking one of the pieces from Southern Culture, new bra, gold belt and jeans. I think that would be a whole lot of fun! I think a shimmy/fast piece would be nock-out! Espeically since I am a fat gurl. :kiss2:
vinesqueen

vinesqueen

1
luvlif's Journal
 

new goal

"Unwritten"   I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned   Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find   Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your inhibitions Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten   I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way   Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten   Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your INHIBITIONS   Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips treat yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins   Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words That you could not find   Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your INHIBITIONS   Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips treat yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins   Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips treat yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten The rest is still unwritten
luvlif

luvlif

1
luvlif's Journal
 

NSV!

MY NEW (UNUSED W TAGS) 36D VICTORIA SECRET BRA FITS! I WORE IT TO-DAY WOOHOOO!:girl_hug: LOVIN IT! TRIED ON MY BLACK RHINESTONE CAPRIS SIZE 12...THEY WILL FIT IN A MONTH!:clap2: GOING HOME TO WALK! B COTTAGE CHEESE 90 L SOUP 200 + HOMMUS & 2 MINI TOAST 100 =390 SNACK LEMON CAKE 80 =470 D SOUP 200 = 670   WALK 50 MINS 300 CALS!   WATER 20 OZ TEA, + 24OZ TEA= 45 + 6 OZ TEA, = 51 OZ I NEED 2 MORE LARGE GLASSES OF WATER
luvlif

luvlif

1
luvlif's Journal
 

4/5/06 SUPPORT GROUP

:girl_hug: I LOOKED DAMN GOOD!WILLO, DIANE LOSITO, DEE DIGUARDIA, & SHERWINTER & MY MARIA ALL TOLD ME & SO DID ROBIN! WHO IS JEALOUS IS LUCY! SHE WAS SARCASTIC ABOUT MY SPEAKING TO EVERYONE...SHE SAW ME TALKING TO GEISS AS WE WENT UPSTAIRS ... GEISS STARTED SPEAKING TO ME... WE WERE TALKING ABOUT OBESITY IN INDIA, & WORLD WIDE & THE DISCRIMINATION THE OBESE FACE...OFCOURSE IT PISSED HER OFF AS DID THE FACT THAT WILLO GAVE ME THE PAPERS TO GIVE OUT WHEN SHE SAT AT THE END. BOTH DIANE & DEE COULDN'T BELIEVE HOW GOOD I LOOKED. THEN TODAY LUCY MENTIONED HOW MEL DIDN'T LIKE THE OTHER GIRL TALKING....NOW I'M GOING TO CUT HER LOOSE...NO MORE EATING W HER @ THE DINER AFTER SUPPORT GROUP...I'M GOING TO EAT BEFORE & THAT IS IT . SHE IS NOT SERIOUS ABOUT HER OWN WEIGHT LOSS & IS JEALOUS OF MINE...EVEN HOW SHE SPEAKS TO HER DAUGHTER IS BITCHY ...SHE IS VERY ANGRY @ HERSELF & IS NOT DONE MAKING EXCUSES! SHE LOOKS TO BLAME THE DOCTORS OR MAKE EXCUSES FOR NOT LOSING WT...SOMEONE LIKE THAT IS GOING TO PULL ME DOWN TOO! SHE WAS BOTHERED THAT I HAD A FILL ON FRIDAY! I'M GLAD I DIDN'T TELL HER ABOUT WILLO ALTHOUGH SHE PROBABLY SAW US TALKING & SAW WILLO GIVE ME HER CARD...I BET THAT BURNT HER UP TOO.... THAT'S IT!I BET THAT IS WHAT BOTHERED HER MY LOOKING TO BETTER MYSELF! NO MORE. I'LL CUT THE BITCH LOSE & GIVE THE CLOTHES TO GOODWILL...END OF STORY!
luvlif

luvlif

1
Julie*'s Journal
 

April 5

I have neglected my journal and LBT to tell you the truth. I have been so busy that the computer has been off my radar at night once I am home and work is so busy that I haven't had surf time. LOL   I had another check up yesterday and Dr. Forgione thinks I'm doing well. I lost 5.2 pounds last month and he wants to hold off on any fills until we're back from Florida. I am ok with that- I don't want to have any sudden emergencies with being overfilled or anything while I am on vacation. I have another appt in 1 month and I hope to be down another 5 pounds.   He is fairly conservative and wants me to try and work with the band to see how much weight I can lose before a fill. He said no superhero stuff- just try to eat the right stuff and not starve yourself. I have restriction so I'm going to focus on 1500 calories per day and see what happens.
Julie*

Julie*

1
Jerseytammy's Journal
 

Total Melt down ......

It started this weekend with constipation. I took milk of manganese, 5 Colace and a glycerin depository with no results. After several hours of hurting I woke my husband at midnight go try and find an all night drug store to get me a fleet enema. After giving myself the fleet and waiting for about an hour and half I finally got some relief. I was able to sleep about 2 hours before having to get up and get ready for work. So my day at work was spent hurting, sore and sleepy, Not a GOOD DAY! Now this being Friday and seeing how I have 3 teenage girls, the family had made plans earlier in the week to see the movie “Ice Age Melt Down”. So even tho I am tried and sore I go to the movies. We get there a hour earlier, because I have this thing about getting an aisle seat (no one likes the fat woman to crawl over them) and after standing in line for a while we are told the 8:00 show is sold out!!! Now if you have kids you have to know it is rare that they all want to see the same thing at the same time. Now comes the arguing, everyone wants to see something different and they all start at different times. Needless to say I was in no mood to handle the arguing so we went home without seeing any movie!! Saturday was our weekly shopping trip to Wal-Mart, I was still ill and sore and was in no mood to go but went any way. Now Wal-Mart rents out part of it’s store to Sub-Way, so you smell fresh baked bread cooking the entire time you shop. If you’re not hungry before you go you will be after. My girls while we are checking out ask if we can eat at Sub-way. So what do I do, I order myself a foot-long roasted chicken with all the trimmings, now you and I both know there is no way I should be able to eat a 6 inch let a lone a foot long but I did. It took me about an hour and a half but I did it. For dessert I had myself 2 chocolate doughnuts that Wal-mart had on sale and sooo sweetly put up front so I wouldn’t miss em. Now you might be saying to yourself this couldn’t get any worse, ohhhh but wait it gets even better (worse). That same day, I am depressed and pmsing so I sit in front of my computer playing card games eating kit kat candy bars (notice the s) while dipping them into a can of chocolate icing. That night I was feeling pretty bad about myself due to my lack of self-control and emotional eating. We decide to order pizza and catch a movie on TV, I thinking to myself I will skip the pizza and go with wings as a lesser of the two evils. Now my husband has been at work all day so he has no idea of my binge eating all day. The pizza arrives and he puts 4 large pieces on his plate. I am on my 4th wing, the little drumlette part when he turns at me and ask “Aren’t you full yet?”. Ok here is where very bad turns to horrible for me. At that very moment in time all my angry I was feeling came pouring out of me like a river that had been damned for sometime. Now dare he ask me that, do you know how much meat is one a drumlette?? I yelled at him while hurling my wing at him…..”If you wanted a skinny woman you should have married one”, walked out of the room and didn’t speak to him for 2 days! I was feeling bad enough about myself and then for him to make that comment to me, it was all I could take! He sent me a dozen roses to work 2 days later saying he was sorry. He has never had a weight problem so he has no idea that trails and pains I go through every day of my life and I know he will never understand. I know he does what he does or says what he says out of “love” but I know also he wants that beautiful thin wife that he can he proud of on his arm when we go out. I would like to sit here and say this week has been better but to be honest it hasn’t really. I am talking to my husband again but I am still full of angry and depressed. I did go see my doctor yesterday and explain to him that if I could eat a foot-long sub I needed a fill, he agreed. I am scheduled for the 14 of April for my now 2nd fill since my banning feb 8. I ask him about when he would think about taking this blood clot filter out of my vein and said he would like for me to lose at least 50 more pounds, it would be easier and safer. The February Bandsters have really kept me going this week, I was able to vent and see the humor in some of the stuff that happened this weekend. I don’t know how I would survive this without them. Ok so I had a complete and totally melt-down this weekend, today is yet another day and today I start all over again!
Jerseytammy

Jerseytammy

1
A Day In The Life - Miss Nikki's
 

An easy decision

I guess for me the decision to take the step to getting banded was easy. I have always been comfortable in my own skin, I've never had a problem with ME. BUT SOMETHINGS MUST CHANGE. I have been over weight for so long I can't remember. Having loving people in your life who do not judge you, only try to help, has made me the person I am, it has helped me to be strong. Being "fat" in this day and age is like social suicide. People look at you different and if you don't have thick skin, or if you are not secure within yourself, it can tend to get to some people. I know for myself, even though I am comfortable with myself, there is always something that can break you down a little. Like, going to see a play and not being able to fit comfotable in the seat, or being some where and feeling that you are the biggest person in the room, or going to the store with your "thin" friends and feeling lost because you can't fit anything. I recently came to a revelation about myself...I substitute clothes for accessories...Let me explain...if I go to a store and I can't find anything, or go into a store that doesn't carry my size, I tend to focus on other things like shoes, sunglasses, jewlery, purses, things that I don't have to worry about if I look fat in it. So you can imagine how many pairs of shoes I have. But the funny thing is I didn't realize this, or maybe I knew it all along just didn't admitt it, until I started this whole process. Since my insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, I'm having to come out of pocket. I've had problems trying to get some test done, but I go in for my Upper GI tommorow. This has never been soley an image thing for me, health issuses have played a major part in this, but I can't wait to look different.
missnikki

missnikki

1
Sandybells's Journal
 

First fill today

It was not too bad getting the fill. Kind of a big needle but it was numbed up. I ate jello, Ice Tea and protein shake today along with my water. No problems with my band! She probed a bit before hitting the port. That was with Flouroscopy! Drank the Barium (not alot) Only got .5 CC
Sandybells

Sandybells

1
luvlif's Journal
 

Kahlil Gibran:

Kahlil Gibran:   "You were born to be together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the wings of death scatter your days.   Aye, you shall be together even in your silent memory. But let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heaven dancebetween you."   "Love one another, but make not a bondage of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup, but drink now from one cup. Give one another of your bread, but eat not of the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone, even as the strings of a lute are alone, though they quiver with the same music."     "Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping, for only the hand of life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together, for the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in shadow."
luvlif

luvlif

1
vinesqueen's Journal
 

how much worse?

The last couple of weeks have been rough, and they are getting worse for me. I feel like I'm on a high steroid taper for asthma, but instead of tapering, it's getting worse, and I'm not talking any steroids.   I also look like I'm on steroids. And it's getting worse. When I shampooed my hair yesterday, I had enough leftover hair to make a mouse. I've always had really super thick hair, but now its falling out fast. I'm freaked out, which doesn't help my stress levels.   But probably the most disturbing thing is that I'm turning into a screaming harridan. I am so close to bitting anyone's head off for no good reason other than they looked at me funny. I'm afraid to go out into public for fear that I'm going to really hit someone.   I feel like I've hit critial mass, but things are getting worse.   I've tried chamomile tea, bio-feed back, walking, but nothing is helping. I'm pissed off at the world and ready to pick a fist-fight over a parking space.   This is NOT me! I'm normally so laid back that I'm practially asleep. My husband was 30 minutes late lastnight and I was ready to rip him a new one.
vinesqueen

vinesqueen

2
shauntil6266's Journal
 

I AM FINALLY HAVING PAINS :(

:cry :girl_hug: :tired :think :cry :D wELL i aM aT sKOOL aND mY sIDE iS hURTING aGAIN fROM tHOSE sTUPID gAS pAINS. tHEY rEALLY hURT sOMETIMES, i WONDER WHY THEY HAD TO START NOW, i THINK ITS BECAUSE i HAVE BEEN CHEATING ON MY DIET PLAN. aND NOW I AM GETTING PUNISHED, I GUESS I REALLY NEED TO STOP IT, AND I WILL SO I WON'T HAVE THIS PAIN A N Y W A Y S   i HAVE MY POST OP TOMORROW IN THE MORNING AT 8AM. oOH THAT EARLY. TODAY I HAD FORGOT MY BINDER AT HOME SOMEWHERE BY MY BAD WITH MY HOLD CARD IN THERE. dOH!!! noW I AM iN THE RESOURCE CENTER ON THIS COMPUTER, BORED MY CLASS DOESN'T START TIL 1PM, I AM NOT TO SURE WHAT TO DO, I GUESS I COULD GO TO THE GALLERIA, OR I MIGHT NOT AT MARSHALLS AND OLDNAVY JUST TO WINDOW SHOP AND THINK ABOUT WAT I WILL BE ABLE TO WHERE SOON YEA. WELL LET ME GO I WILL BE BACK LATA. i HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT SIZE TENS CAUSE THATS MY FIRST GOAL TO GET TO. I AM NOT SURE HOW MUCH I AM NOW, BUT I WILL FIND A WEIGH MACHINE AT THE MALL, AND STEP ON IT THEN I WILL UPDATE. OK BYE FOR NOW:clap2: :bored :angry :bandit
shauntil6266

shauntil6266

1
Fleur's Journal
 

Bit Hungry

Today I felt real hunger for the first time. I was worried about eating more and not really feeling full so I called the Doctor. She said that it sounds like the fluids are passing through the band well and I may need to go on to puree's sooner. I may aslo have my first fill when I see Dr Bowden next week.   Today I ate: Optifast with Banana 1 1/2 cups vegie soup Coffee Prune juice Optifast with tinned fruit 1 1/2 cups pea soup puree tinned apricots 2 cups vegie curry soup Water Medication
Fleur

Fleur

1
Stitchy's Journal
 

Made an appointment

I made my consultation appointment today ... for April 19. DH will take the day off as sick time. It's medical isn't it? Then I started feeling very nervous about it. I mean, I ONLY have 100 lbs to lose. My BMI is around 37-38. What if Doc doesn't think it's high enough? I was thinking about slumping during weigh-in so the BMI would be higher. Bad girl! Do I have to gain another 20-30 lbs to get some help? BUT, I do have high colesterol and had knee surgery 3 years ago (called it arthritis), and arthritis in my shoulder. Got varicose veins, too. Must be OK. :help:
Stitchy

Stitchy

1
drj's Journal
 

dinner meals-a challenge

:girl_hug: Dinners are a challenge for me. I get home late or early and want to eat, eat, eat. I'm usually hungry and don't take time to think as I should. I look for the first edible thing I can find. How can I manage this? Plus, I don't drink enough water. I still drink coffees and hot chocolate instead of choosing no calorie beverages. Last day at the conference meals: breakfast: hot chocolate lunch: 1/2 chocolate chip cookie, cup mocha coffee dinner: pork rib, bite of greens, bite of salad, glass fruit punch Why is it easier to record what I've already eaten rather than plan ahead? Dinner today was impromptu with the Leadership Team. We went to Dicky's way out in Dolton. I've never been there and had no idea what to expect. I didn't eat much. I didn't want food to get "stuck" during our meeting, so I ate light. Now its 11:00 p.m. and I'm starving. I don't want to eat because I may have bad dreams. So I go to bed hungry. Life is an experiment. Will my hypotheses and theories come true? Plans for tomorrow: drink water, take two meals since I have school at night, eat slowly.
drj

drj

1
thinagainsoon's Journal
 

two weeks out

today is my 2 week mark. Down close to 30 pounds:) so far from a beginning weight of 310:confused: although I have no idea how I got to that point. Very grateful for the ability to have this done even though I had to self pay. Can't wait to see the future results.
thinagainsoon

thinagainsoon

2
mychevygirl's Journal
 

31 Days left

Will today was interesting, I went for weigh in and found out I stayed the same.:think I am not sure why no weight loss. But they put me ON liquid diet for a week to see if there is a change. I sure hope so I have to lose thirty lbs before surgery. I went for my nutrition appointment today . The nutritionist thought maybe due to my fast loss my body is saying STOP.. Oh dear body you can't do that too me! I feel like I should of lost something. Not a thing but protein has crossed my lips. I did find out the tea I am drink was not caffeine free. MAYBE! I really enjoyed the nutrition class today. Tonight I'm going to a support group.. my first.. other than here! So I guess I had better get dinner ready for the family and head out. Not Long to go!!!!! :clap2:
mychevygirl

mychevygirl

2

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