This Easter has been a bit of a bugger really. I have had my ups and downs with food the past few days but that pails into insignificance when compared with what our neighborhood has suffered this Easter. Our house backs onto a lake which the public have access to. It's a lovely place for our kids and we take them to play or ride around the lake virtually every day. On Good Friday my husband Andrew took our son to the jetty directly out the back of our house to catch little guppies in his net. They started playing with a group of young boys who were also on the jetty and their mothers were picnicking nearby. Angus shared his fishing net with the boys but as it often does things ended in a fight and Andrew bought Angus home. About 45 minutes later one of the little boys Angus was playing with went missing. Within an hour there were police everywhere, 2 rescue choppers and 60 odd SES rescuers trying to find this little boy - Nathan. Sadly police divers found his body later that night caught up in weed under the jetty. This has affected both Andrew and I terribly. Not only was it out the back of our house but Nathan was Millie’s age.
As far as food goes I have eaten less than I normally would but it hasn't been all puree stuff. At least one meal each day had been regular food which I have chewed very well. And I'm still working on eating slower.
I had my first fill yesterday :nervous I was so nervous but got througt it no problem:scared:. Since the proceedure I have lost a total of 16lbs. but now with the fill it begins:confused:. lets see how I do:faint:
I'm avoiding threads where people talk about their weight loss, no weight loss challenges for me, and I'm even avoiding the threads where people talk about their first year. Just too painful, and I find I cannot face their successes that so thouroghly elude me. I feel like a heel for not congratulating them, for not cheering their successes, but I just can't face it. It's like the other day when I went shopping, and wondered into the Nordstrom Rack. To say that I was depressed because I still wear the same clothes I did before I was banded is like saying the Oakland Firestorm was a small brush fire. I was absolutely devistated knowing that eing a good little bandster is so futile, so pointless. I'm never going to lose weight, and I'll be fat forever.
It's been about 5 weeks but I've been wayyy busy and much stuff goin on. I had the sleep study and ALLLLL of my other tests and appointments, Now I'm just waiting to meet with the surgeon and get a surgery date. I'm glad work has kept me busier than hell cuz it makes the waiting seem less. The dietician at Cleveland Clinic told me of a verrry coool and very free website called Fitday.com It is absolutely awesome and I am learning lots and lots about how my eating patterns REALLY are and why I'm fat. I used to subscribe to a website called my food diary for 10 bucks a month but it wasn't nearly as good as this free one! And I would go through periods of not using it and feeling like I was throwin my $ away. This one, I can't wait to visit a few times a day...ya gotta use it!! Oh and I can't believe how hard it is to get 150 grams of protein into a 1200 calorie day!
My son and I are going to Myrtle beach on Monday for 5 glorious days of sun and surf...even though the ocean isn't warm enough to swim I can't wait to get on the beach with a good book.
I'm really gettin irritated about the fact that none of my spring/summer clothes fit me this year! I need to loose about 15 pounds to even think about getting into them and I REFUSE to buy new ones if I don't absolutely have to...not with this surgery looming and I do have to loose 14 pounds prior to surgery anyway to shrink the liver. Thats when they want me to be on full fluids for 2 weeks prior to surgery I guess, so I guess if I loose 15 now while eating high protein then I'll probly loose at least another 10 when all I can have is full fluids prior to surgery and then probably another 15 in the weeks of full fluids after surgery...Thats 50 lbs right there! Thats like 36% of my goal! I really think I can do this!!! Ok now Im gettin pyched again....I was goin through a period of Blahs there for awhile but I'm pickin myself up and brushin myself off now.....
Peace and Love,
D
Well went to the doctor today and I have lost 27lbs on my preop diet, it just proves that if you have a game plan and follow it that all things ARE possible.:faint: I know that this is the just the begining of a very long journey :heh: but the trip is going to be worth it. the rewards are great.
:kiss Today I ate:
breakfast: 2 slices bacon, 1 egg
lunch: bite of pasta with ground beef, squash, poblano pepper
dinner: poblano pepper in egg, 12 oz. RC
snack: bite ice cream, 3 grahm crackers
Still trying to add water or no calorie drinks to my diet. If I do, I think I may eat less. But I need to remember that I should drink before I eat or an hour after I eat, but not WITH my food. Dr. Shayani says that's why I haven't lost any weight recently. He thinks that I'm drinking the food down. I believe he's right. Plus I drink my calories!!! I nedd to stop that, but I crave caffiene or at least coffee-type drinks.
Maybe the exercies, if I can get myself to do it everyday, will help me to get a few pounds off. That may be all I need to get going again.
Tomorrow my husband if off work. I hope I will be in control of my intake. I hope I will think before I consume. We'll be in Pilsen where there are a lot of Mexican restaurants. I think he wants to eat out, his type of food. Think-meat, meat, meat. Think-no drink, no caffiene, no liquor. You can do it, with the Lord's prayers.
Yesterday I met with the surgeon. As I sat in the waiting area with other heavy ladies, I wondered where they were in the process. How much had they lost? Were they in for a fill? I noticed one lady look another up and down as she talked to the receptionist with her back to us. We were all checking each other out - how silly! I suppose it is natural. We want to see results, if not on ourselves then on someone else.
After a bit of a wait I met with the doctor. He was friendly and apologetic for the wait. He gave me some info and talked a bit about what to expect. He put his goal for me at 141. I haven't weighed that since I was 14 years old! He was very encouraging without being sales pitchy. I asked him to show me where my port would be and he drew a line on my belly. He made some reccomendations for a few more tests and got to the final question. "So, I think this surgery would be good for you...do you want to move forward?". And I said yes.
His demeanor really put me at ease. At one point, when I said I was nervous, he said "you know, I could do this surgery this afternoon, it would only take an hour. But I want you to get your pre-op work finished and get this covered under your insurance, and in the mean time, you'll feel less nervous"
So now I wait...and try to get all my info in order. I had initially accepted that I had a good chance of being self-pay. But now, as I learn more about how the surgeon's office can help me get approval, I'm willing to do whatever I can to get coverage. I am meeting with my PCP on Monday to try and fill in the blanks in my chart. I wasn't technically on a supervised diet, but I was coming in every few months complaining about my weight. So if we can get that more complete I may be able to show my 6 months or more of diet under supervision.
It has only been three weeks today. I am down 11 pounds but have already starting slipping into bad habits, ie reaching for something quick and tasty. I don't know what I am in for once they give me my first fill. For me it is so mental and I know mentally I am not at a point to walk away from food, it is afterall my drug of choice. I am not very familiar with forums so I will navigate the best I can to gather information to hopefully educate me and motivate me.
So its 15 days till I leave for Mexico. I saw my mom yesterday. I'd only told her a week ago (and debated at that) She was very supportive, asked me if I was scared about going to Mexico. I said to her, no, I'm not afraid at all about that, I've done my research, I've talked to countless people, I'm confident about that. Its just this friend I'm loosing that I'm sad about. Food is my best friend. How will I cope? How will I make it? In moments of desparity, I wonder if I am doing the right thing. It doesn't take me long to realize that I am though. I have a sexy pic of myself years ago at a party in some snug fitting Levis and a hot little shirt, THAT is my constant motivation. Today I was going crazy trying to get way too many things done, I noticed at lunch that I'd just 'forgotten' to eat. That's what gets me every time. I swung through Wendy's and got a club sandwich. Just chunked the bread and wrapped the lettuce around turkey, swiss and bacon drank a bottle of water and ate a few baked lays. I was pondering on how easy that was. ITS JUST FOOD, I thought. Its going to nourish you. I keep trying to pump myself up, trying to convince myself that my choices are bad, not me. For today at least, I believe that. Tomorrow is another day....to be continued
I forgot to mention much about me yesterday...well except the 39 bit! I am English (very!) but now through the twists and turns of life I find myself living for the past 6 years in Athens Greece. I still find it a shock most days!!! :faint: There I was in 1999 looking for new friends. This 'guy' in Greece like photography and although only a snap shotter I liked the same and so I said hello. Simple as that! Few days later he sent me a pic and asked for one back...like you do. I always tried to wriggle out of this bit, but I liked him. So I sent a pic.
He liked me too :clap2: He sends me a ticket to go see him - for a weekend! "What you doing this weekend Ali?" "Oh not much, just whizzing of to Athens!" - I had that conversation...loved it too
The day I got there, he asked me to marry him! I came to live here that December and we married in 2001. I love him to bits and he's my greatest supporter. He adores me as I am but understands I need to do this for my health.
So I find myself in a place where insurance pays the majority of your expenses for wls (they don't like paying for the expensive clinics the docs work out of) and where you go and discuss with a doc what you want and find yourself being operated on a week later. If you can't afford to contribute at all you can do it on full insurance but takes longer (dunno what waiting list is).
So, next Tuesday I go and discuss my progress and fills. I get free fills for life so I reckon he'll be a plodder and take it a bit at a time - fine by me!
My odessy began with a conversation with Lynda Mayes. She was looking into lap band surgery herself and suggested that I do the same. It started me thinking, so I decided "Why not?"
I went to an information seminar on Nov. 22, 2005, where I met Dr. Adam Smith. He was extremely knowledgable about the lap band and has had the procedure done himself. I would find out later that his wife was also banded.
He had a no-nonsense straight forward approach. I liked that. He was open to questions and even though he was called away for an emergancy (he was on-call for the hospital that evening) I received plenty of answers to my questions.
A plastic surgeon was also there that night to answer any questions that we might have.
At the end of the evening, consultation appointments were made and I chose to see him on Dec. 7? I'll have to check. Turns out we had an ice storm blow in so all appointments were cancelled and I was rescheduled for Dec. 29, 2005.
When I met Dr. Smith for my consultation I had already begun my research into the procedure, so I was very aware of the complications and the rules that would need to be followed. He gave me a physical and said that based on the information provided, I would be an excellent candidate for lapband surgery. He did tell me to be careful about what I read on the Internet, but I already knew that you can't believe everything that you read.
I consulted with my PCP Dr. James Hinton on Dec. 30, 2005, who agreed with Dr. Smith that I would be a good candidate for this surgery. I also requested the 5 years of my medical history be sent to Dr. Smith per insurance requirements.
I met with the Nutritionist on Jan. 16, 2006, who proceeded to go over what I currently was eating and how that would change after the surgery. Due to having been through my Diabetes education courses, I was already quite aware of changing how I eat. She asked if that would be a problem and I told her I've been changing the way I eat for the past two years, this would not be a problem.
I had my psychology evaluation on Jan. 17, 2006, that evening. I was looking for a day appointment, but Dr. Klinefelter had an evening cancellation that was much better for both of us. It was interesting visit. I had to take a battery of tests to see if I was mentally ready for the change and then we had an interview to see if there was anything in my past, such as abuse, that would prevent me from not being able to follow the bandster rules. He did ask if I'd ever been diagnosed with OCD and said not officially, but I do have it. He told me that I most likely would be a good candidate for the surgery.
That was the last of the official appointments I had to keep. Now all I needed was for my file to be completed and sent in to Blue Cross Blue Shield TRS of Texas. The waiting had begun.
Once I found out that my information had been submitted, I decided that I would call the insurance company once a week to check on the approval status. Thursday would be the day. The first time that I called I was told that the nurse had reviewed my file, everything looked to be in order, and that it was sent on to the Dr. for review. The second time that I called I was told that I was being denied due to the fact that I had not had a psych evaluation. WRONG! I told them I looking at the claim that says you've already paid for it, so I know that I've done that. Well, they couldn't find his notes giving his recomendation, so I would need to get them to them. I emailed Nancy at forthworthlapband.com and told her the situation and she promptly resent the information that BCBS had so conventiently "lost". The third time that I called in I got a verbal approval and was told that my letter of approval would be in the mail to me and my surgeon. I couldn't wait! When the letter finally arrived, I carried it around in my purse for a week. This was the end of February. Now all I needed was a date.
Hello-
I am a DS'er looking into Lap Band because my stomach has stretched far too much and after maintaining a 180lb loss for 14 mo, I am regaining. I just want to thank everyone here in advance for all the personal stories and information you share. As with all the other WLS out there, I realize this is a personal journey best shared with others.
I am going to the required seminar tonight, so we shall see what happens!
Donna
I'm 39! Nothing so strange or rare in that you say. Many people are 39, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the rich and the poor. Aaah yes but it's my 39!
I have been thinking about wls for quite a while I have a friend who had the band fitted about 18mths ago and DH as a pharmacist has seen a few others. I always saw it as a last resort. I wanted to "lose it by myself!" I didn't want to seem weak or a failure and so I tried everything I could think of. At one point I was hardly eating anything and still the weight stuck.
Then came the insulin...I have been taking it for about a year and although it helped my sugar levels it most certainly did not help me. After Christmas this year I felt worse than I ever had. I had always managed to do what I wanted before and now I felt everything was too much of a challenge. If I wanted to leave the house I thought about it for ages first - where am I going, can I sit down, how will my back be? I cried a lot too.
This was not how I wanted to live out the rest of my life. So one day I decided. I called DH at work and told him that I knew I had said I would wait until I was 40 and then do it, but I wanted to do surgery now...at 39 (t'was my birthday time), so that I could have a life to live at 40.
That was that. We went to see a doctor on Tuesday 14th March and he scheduled my surgery (with gallbladder removal 'cos pesky thing had been playing up) for the 20th! No tests other than those I'd already had and just a gentle diet with liquids for 48hrs before going to hospital.
And now I'm banded.
Yesterday I went to see my Doc. for the 2 weeks post op visit. He's really happy with everything but wouldn't fill me just yet. I have to wait another 10 days. I then went to see my dietician who gave me to low down on the puree stage. Everything is fine except she wants me to eat half a cup of puree food with protien 6 times per day over a period of 20 minutes. Also I can't drink 10 mins before and 30 mins after a meal. The drinking isn't a problem but finding protien rich mushy food and the eating half a cup over 20 minutes - well - I'm really going to have to apply myself to this one. I understand if I don't do this I may stretch my pouch and then forevermore require more food to feel full. I guess I expected the, banb to tell me when I was full even at this early stage but it seems I have to do some of the hard work myself - fair enough!!
Today I ate:
1/2 cup yoghurt
sm coffee
1/2 cup mix smoked salmon, goats cheese & hoummos
water
coffee
Banana mashed
*****Chocolate***** (bugger easter)
1/2 cup puree pizza - home made with vegies and ham
Metamucil
I have a date for surgery and things are gonna happen fast!! One month from today is my surgery date - May 12th - I can hardly wait. I drove to the conseltation by myself today :clap2: and home. Met with my surgeon, Crystal Schlosser. I'm not sure I'm "that" crazy about her, but she seems to know what she's doing. I got the feeling she was more for gastric bypass over lapband due to more weight loss potential, but I'm sticking with the lapband.
Now I have to schedule a chest X-Ray, and lab work for this Friday or next Monday, meet with the surgery team for a pre-op class on May 3rd, then I'll be good to go. I start the liquid diet on April 28th for two weeks straight to shrink my liver. Hopefully I'll lose some weight during that too! I was down 5 pds from a month ago already so slowly but surely I am getting there.
Thats all for now. I love having this journal.
Today, I went at 8:30 for my adjustment. I'm always nervous when I get a fill. I think he's going to put too much in. Now he's changing the way they do fills. If everything is ok with the band, the adjustments will be done at the Outpatient clinic rather than at the hospital. They will no longer use x-ray to find the port or to x-ray the liquid going down. The patient will drink water instead of barium and will tell the doc when she feels it going down. The doc will have already injected saline into the port and will reject some if the water does not go down right away. Today's fill was "just a little bit" so I couldn't tell how much he really filled it. When he told me to drink, I did, but it sat there. He decided to look on x-ray to see for himslef and sure enough, there was the water. Then I had to drink the barium to see how it was going down. He said that I didn't really need a fill. He suggested that I change my eating habits and behavioral habits. He's right. I drink with eating, and drink A LOT of calories. I need to cut out this behavior or I'll never lose the rest of my weight. I think it's getting down to crunch time. I'm nervous about losing more weight. People are definately noticing, and they're saying something. My family made comments this weekend. Although it felt great, I was still a little uncomfortable with the comments. How will I look when I lose even more weight? I only have 35 pounds left to lose. And I'm scared. I told Joey that we are in competition. He liked that, but I am serious. I'm not going to have him surpass me in weight loss when I still have pounds to lose. I also want to buy a bathing suit for the summer and for Mexico in December. I need to have more weight off before I do so. God, help me.
menu:
breakfast nothing
lunch coffee, lemon loaf slice, 2 bites mexican steak, tomatillos salsa
dinner bite squash, cup ice cream-coffee flavor, crystal lite iced tea
:girl_hug:
Today, I took Joey to see Dr. Shayani to see about him getting the LB. He seems tohave a negative attitude toward all this. I'm not really sure he's ready to follow through on all the appointments he needs for surgical clearance. My husband and I will not be able to follow him to the appointments: we will both be working at the times scheduled. I worry about him and his weight. He weighed in at 390 today. He thinks I don't know, but I do. He thinks he's hiding this information from us. Who is he kidding or tricking? Was I like this? I think I was more open about how heavy I was. I think he's much more self-conscious.
Today's food choices:
breakfast-nothing
lunch-cappoccino w/ shiped cream 12 oz.
dinner-spaghetti with ground beef and pablano pepper 8 oz. mountain dew
snack-4 oz. chocolate milk, popcorn
I had a full on day at work today. I orgainsed for all of the radio stations in Brisbane to donate some equipment to a local hospital and we had the presentation today. It was a great success and lots of media coverage. I'm feeling quite pleased with myself now. Anyway, I was sooooo busy I really didn't have time, nore felt like eating. By late afternnon I thought I probably should eat something substantial or I might over do it at dinner. I see Dr Bowden in the morning and I am hoping for a fill.
Today I Ate
Latte
Banana - mashed up
Skim Latte
Cauliflower, Avocado and chicken mash
glass Nudie juice
2 x small corn wrap with mince and avocado
coffee
Metamucil
Medications
As I write this, I realize that I am fat. I am fat because I am LAZY and I love food. I have lost track of who I thought I was. I see a picture and think "THAT is NOT me!" So here I am 1 week out from having a lapband put in. I want to get back to who I was. I love life and all the adrenaline rushes that I can get from it. I must confess to myself that I have been losing weight but not how the Dr. told me to. He said liquids only and I did try but I gained 3-4 lbs so I went back to the salads and fish. But now I am scared that he won't do the surgery bc I havent' shrunk my liver. I have been on liquids but have cheated with an egg salad samie. I seem to always try to do it my way...I have failed over and over doing it my way. Why do I always want to see if I can win by cheating? It that a personality flaw? I am going to be faithful for the rest of the week. I really do want to win.
So here it is. I'm fat. Not because I have some dreaded thyroid or metabolisim problem. Because I love food. I adore food. It has ruled over me for years and now I am bargaining with it. I saying to it, 'listen, I love you, I NEED you, but we have to come to an agreement' I am 100 pounds overweight. I am one of the 'invisible' ones. You know us, to many people out there, morbidly obese people don't exist. I can't or don't blame society for this, but I am bound and determined that I will not be one of those statistics. I want to feel like me again. Its been many years since I've felt whole. I have 19 days left before my journey takes a new road, I'm preparing for the bumps an valleys. Heres to my season of change.
I'm on Spring Break this week. I have a lot of homework to catch up on. I hope to make time to attend to some projects left incomplete.
Monday, April 10, 2006 meals:
breakfast-nothing-stress test at hospital
lunch-venti java chip decaf frappaccino, 2 oz. ground beef
dinner-serving pasta w/ homemade meat sause, iced tea
snack-2 cinnimon crackers, cup diet iced tea
I would be very surprised if the stress test results don't show up as positive. I have so much stress due to the job and school. I have projects to turn in next week when school resumes. I should be spending this week off work to complete the paper I have to write. Plus I have my 2 credit course to start. I haven't done anything for it yet. And the semester ends in just a few weeks.
Today Joey goes for his sleep study. Tomorrow he goes to see the gastric band doctor to determine if he qualifies for surgery. I hope he does.
ut
I'm literally almost crying reading this. Mostly because I'mon this pre-op diet and these last two days have been difficult... but also because I needed this! Thank you! Congrats! And a BIG congrats on quitting smoking a second time! It was hard enough to do it once... So - when I say BIG congrats... I mean BIIIIIG congrats! ❤️
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