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patricia1952's Journal
 

6/14/2006....thursday

BREAKFAST:..2 OATMEAL/ALMONDS BREAKFAST BARS 190 CALORIE lUNCH:...TRIED TO EAT A PIECE OF PIZZA, BUT WITH THE slime from sinus drainage, just wouldn't work...pizza was just fine 2 days ago:..   ..4:00 pm slim fast 5:30 6 BOILED SHRIMP/BANNA PUDDING   tried eating a few chips during the day hoping it would asorb the drainage, but didn't work....up they came...   Today was a susseccful day as far as not eating too much....Somehow over the past few weeks and after the last fill....my system is not craving food...I'm eating because I know that I need to eat...what a change....Hope this continues...I have never felt like this before about food...yes...it's working
patricia1952

patricia1952

1
lins12's Journal
 

June 15

184 (huh??? Must have been all that salad yesterday)   WELL HELLO ANXIETY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeesterday's convo with Granny really did a number on me. I woke up as anxious as anything. Good news is that group was today and I tried to find healthy ways to release all the anger and tension.   BREAKFAST: 100C Protein 60C Peaches 65C 1/2 banana   SNACK: 70C Chicken 60C mayo   LUNCH: 260C Smartones 70C popsicle   SNACK: 50C tomato   TOTAL: 735   DINNER: 2 small potatoes 1/2 avocado fat free cheese   SNACK: 7 shrimp tarter sauce 4 glasses of wine
lins12

lins12

1
sd gypsy's Journal
 

100%

Today is my 6th day post op. I feel completely back to myself as of last night. Just waiting for the stitches to come out. I understand the average time is 2-4 weeks to have the band inflated. I also understand that I must wait until the inflammation goes away and the scar tissue has adhered the band into place....but i don't wanna.....i want to be inflated NOW.... I wonder if there is a way to know if you're still inflammed....   All of this liquid food is making me tired....i am having a huge deficit of protein. I need to work on that....
sd gypsy

sd gypsy

1
DonnaB's Lap-Band Journal
 

Fill Unfill Saga

Re: too tight Quote: Originally Posted by christa94 donna, you mentioned that you were losing before the fill. why did you have the fill? did you feel you were losing restriction? you mentioned that the fill is too tight. what makes you say that? are you still losing?     Hi Christa,   I got the fill because I had lost and regained the same pound four times over a two week period, which my doctor said is a sign you may need a fill. Additionally, I was at twelve weeks post op, by which time most bandsters are already on their 2nd or 3rd fill. LOL, I was afraid I was going to be left behind.   Let this be a lesson, listen to what your body says, not what other people are doing or saying. What I needed to do was reexamine my caloric intake and increase my activity level.   The other thing I did wrong was to try to be accomodating. I had my surgery in Mexico so I'm using a local surgeon's facilities for fills. I had already scheduled a fill and even though I had recently had a bad PB (my first) which caused swelling, I didn't want to cancel my appointment because I didn't want them to change their mind and not accept me as a patient - so I went for the fill. Big mistake.   Having a too tight fill is miserable. After the PB swelling and the fill (1.4cc) I had constant pressure/pain at my sternum front and back. In the morning it hurt even worse and it even hurt to breathe deeply when I first got out of bed. I couldn't eat anything until 1:00 in the afternoon usually. To complicate matters, by the time I got in to the Dr.'s office for an unfill, my PB swelling was finally going away and I was almost comfortable with my fill level, so I wasn't sure if I wanted/needed an unfill. This was my first fill, I wasn't sure what it was SUPPOSED to feel like. I was already at the Dr.'s office so I decided I'd just have them check my band to be absolutely sure it was still in the right place - of course it was, but you hear so many nightmare stories here on LBT . . . . The surgeon was doing fills on that Saturday (!?!) and insisted on checking the band by removing all the fill and putting it back in - I still don't know why he didn't just look at the band on the fluoroscope. I didn't really feel like I had any choice, so I went along. He was terrible at giving fills - I've only ever had one and even I could tell he wasn't good at it! - the Lydocaine shot HURT. My first fill Lydocaine shot didn't hurt at all. He pulled the fill out, checked it, and then SLAMMED it back in! I had excruciating pain in my sternum till he pulled back on the syringe a bit. I was laying on that F'ing table gasping it hurt so bad. I don't know what he was playing at, but when he put my original fill back in - HE ADDED .5cc's! I went for a possible unfill and he added .5cc's! WTF? To make it worse, he didn't tell me he added .5cc's, in fact, he told me there was only 1cc in the band. Since we've all heard that it's very common to lose some or all of a first fill, I wasn't alarmed by that and was actually grateful because I was finally getting comfortable again. When I left his office I felt tight but was able to swallow easily - I just thought the tightness was because of disturbing the stomach area again.   That was on a Saturday and by Saturday night I could barely swallow my own spit. I could only take in water in sips amounting to the size of a pea. I tried to have LITTLE TINY slivers of sugar free, fat free, frozen yogurt which sounded soothing to my swollen, hungry belly - it caused me to slime for about 40 minutes before I was able to swallow my own spit again! Forget about eating. Not even soup! Not even clear broth!   Because that visit was on a Saturday, I had to wait until Monday when the doctor's office reopened before I could get in for an unfill - which irritated my stomach more. Fortunately, the surgeons fill nurse was there on Monday. She's awesome. When she pulled the fill out, sure enough there were 1.9cc's of fill in there. My original 1.4cc's PLUS the .5cc's that idiot of a surgeon added at the time of my SUPPOSED unfill! I was furious. I went the whole weekend in MISERY because this jerk-off thought he knew what was best for me - and didn't even inform me of what he was doing. I'm furious about it still. The fill nurse took my fill down to my current 1.2cc's and I'm beginning to feel better today but I'm still on liquids and will stay on them until this Sunday - 7 days of liquids just to be sure I don't cause another PB re-irritating my already irritated stomach!   This has been a horrible experience and I don't plan to have another fill until I can't lose another ounce no matter how much I restrict calories and increase my activity! I will never again compare my fills with anyone elses, nor will I agree to have fills on any kind of schedule. Needless to say, I will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, let that surgeon touch my body ever again. If the fill nurse isn't there, I'll leave. Even if I have to pay for an office visit he'll never touch me again. I'd never use his facility again except that his fill nurse is wonderful (compassionate, careful, HONEST - pick whichever one you like, she's all of that and more), and, because I didn't have surgery in the U.S., I don't want to go around looking for another local who'll see me.   Here is my advise for anyone wanting to know about getting fills:   1) If/when you get a fill, do it in slow increments - more is not better, or even cheaper. It will cost you in the long run to need unfills and refills when you could have got to the same place COMFORTABLY by sneaking up on your sweet spot.   2) If you think you might be too tight, GO GET AN UNFILL! It's not worth the misery or the irritation and possible damage to your stomach to try to keep your fill in an attempt to lose weight faster. That's not what I was doing, but I see that on LBT frequently.   3) Make sure YOU call the shots - not some numb-nuts doctor who thinks he knows everything. Once again I must learn to trust my own instincts (a lesson I thought I had learned long ago) and listen to what MY body is telling ME!   Sorry to go on and on, but this is the first time I've written it all down and I'm still pretty steamed about it.     LOL - Um, what makes you ask?     Good luck with your band and weight loss journey. __________________ DonnaB     Adversity introduces you to yourself. - Anonymous
DonnaB

DonnaB

4
Love, Family, Weight, Hip Hop & Vegetarianism
 

My Negative Thoughts

I posted this yesterday and had such loving, great feedback, for the first time I think it really sunk in that this is a SUPPORT sight and I love everyone   "   :help: So, after I have ballooned to a size where I look in the mirror and am so saddened to see this formerly (I thought) attractive lady look like a good year blimp. :omg: Can't fit into any of my clothes, have double chin, no waist anymore, etc. I have heel spurs, back pain, and no energy. Finally after lots of research and exhausted tries at getting my insurance to pay for surgery, decide to get lap band. I then elect to pay for surgery, scheduled date for the 26th of this month, etc.   To have optimum results, and speedy recovery I KNOW I have to quit smoking, I KNOW I should be doing pre-op diet, however I have ABSOLUTELY NO SELF-CONTROL. I do good for a few days, then blow it, smoke a cigarette (i'm not a big smoker to begin with but I have been trying to quit for month's sometimes 3 - 4 days no smoke, then bam, 2 in one day) I went no cigarette this time for 5 days, then bam, today bought a pack, smoked two and just now threw whole pack in garbage and poured water on them.   Also, for only ONE day I did liquids. Did okay yesterday second day, then came home and had a BOWL full of brown rice with chedder cheese, butter, green beans and then a chocolate bar (I'm a vegetarian so this is like my favorite meal):hungry: Then today, I say okay, back on the horse, drink liquids and protein shakes for breakfast and lunch, then bam, I'm starving so eat a little macaroni and cheese from a fast food place.   I am so miserable and so upset that I'm wondering, if I can't control myself now even for a few days, how can I possibly be successful with the band? Am I such a loser that I will be the one person who only loses 10 lbs and that's it and I will have flushed almost $10 g's down the drain?   How do I stick to anything if I fall for everything????   My friend at work says she doesn't get how I can manage to always hit lofty sales goals and quotas, yet the simplest lifestyle change that I need to do, I fail miserably....She (a size 4, lol) says Alysha, Your probably setting yourself up for failure because you love bread and cheese too much to ever give it up.   Am I a fool for desperately wanting to believe in the band and that when I get hungry I will not shove toxic waste down my pie hole????" ________________
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

2
Teresita's Journal
 

I Love God

I did a little floor exercise last night and this morning with a bit of cardio. Ran in place for 2 minutes this morning.   Be Right Back   Uhhhhh what was I going to say......well I'm back today NEXTTTTT
Teresita

Teresita

1
RKidder's Journal
 

6/15/06

2:20 am   Can't sleep, too wound up. My mind is reeling. I will be going to first seminar in Portsmouth, NH this evening. Will I be scared, elated, excited, curious? Yes, all of the above. My greatest fear(s): I am an RN who has done a lot of research on the lap banding. Will the doctors be intimidated by my list of questions? Will they shy away from taking me on as a patient because I am a medical professional myself (she asks too many questions...) Will my insurance cover this? Will my husband's insurance cover this? Who knows? My PCP supports me and will write necessary letter, as well as my endocrinologist. (Thanks). Have to get some sleep - big day today.
RKidder

RKidder

1
patricia1952's Journal
 

first entry

Well...hmmm...where do I start...was banded on march 24, 2006...today is june 14th...I'm glad I found this spot to journal...had joined richard simmons support group on the internet, but found that it couldn't really help me because I felt that I had an advantage with the lapband...felt like I was sort of cheating, when other people on the site did not have the "tool" that I have chosen to help me loose weight...Hubby also had lapband surgery the same day I did...   It's been a long 7 months...After my accident in November 2005 where i CRUSHED and almost lost my arm all the way down from the shoulder...It has been a long battle for me...I am happy that I am now able to type...Broke my leg 2 weeks ago....so LIFE IS SUCH A CHALLENGE...I'm committing to writting in my journal my feelings...today was a little difficult...Have had an allergy attack so I am filling up my pouch with slime...I ate two oatmeal/almonds breakfast bar and latte for breakfast... a small amount of beef jerkey at lunch, and about 4 chips...became a little nauseated.....The doctor put me back on my diabetes meds today, so sort of feeling a little funny....ate some creamed english peas late this afternoon...I'm going to eat a little something soon, since I just took my shot....I am not craving food at all anymore....Thinking my fill is fine for now...am at 2cc....I have a 10cc band..Dr spiegel, houston texas my surgen....Am just a little under 200 lbs right now...I am trying not to weigh...Just eat to live and not live to eat....Learning that I have to eat, and eating is not the unpardonable sin...:clap2:
patricia1952

patricia1952

1
Ali's Musings and Meanderings...
 

whyohwhyohwhyohwhy..ummmmmmm?

Haven't lost any weight this week...wasn't surprised after 9lbs last week figured my body might still be in shock. I have been walking and eating well but STILL I felt disappointed and in a moment of weakness I succumbed to some chips....felt bad as soon as I'd eaten them and they cost me my bonus on an almost perfect week with the Gone for Good club :phanvan Am really mad at myself now:mad: Oh well..lets start another week of trying! Going away for the weekend and so lots of swimming. I won't eat badly either cos if nothing else...Im determined! The one good from this "bad" moment is my attitude. Before my band I would have immediately thought...oh well diet blown now might as well eat...and now all I want to do is get back to feeling good! :clap2: So not a -complete- disaster then!?!?!??!
A1ikou

A1ikou

3
lins12's Journal
 

June 14

182.5   I finally figured out what was going on...I have ANXIETY!!!!!!!!! HELLO. Why did I not think of that...all the issues   (1) Julia (2) Michelle (3) Grandparents coming (4) Glenn   These are BIG stressors...not to mention the small things that are going on. Thank God I went and spoke to Jan. I need to remember to close my flexors/chakras. This is what I am feeding. That open hole. What I need to do is close it upa nd do healthy things to resolve the stessors.   BREAKFAST: 100C Protein shake 63C 1/2 Banana 50C Peaches 15C Psylluim TOTAL 230C
lins12

lins12

1
Teresita's Journal
 

NSV for me

I got my pressure checked yesterday and it was fine. I have saying for months that I was going to get it checked. I will not wait and put it off like that again.   I am not making the best food choices right now but I am conscious of what I am eating.   I did not workout yesterday so I built up a sweat sorting throught clothes. I was able to actually thrown some clothes out, box some up for someone else and hang up so old thing that now fit again. I have on a top today that was once too tight but today it is baggy. I had my ex boyfriend button down shirt in the closet so I tried it on and guess what....it buttoned up and was tight at the bottom button. Woohooooo who would have thought....I'm happy.....this feels good.   I am going to do this, I know I am. I'm not going to waste anymore time of my life being overweight and unhappy.
Teresita

Teresita

4
Meow=^..^='s Journal
 

*SIGH*

Very Depressing day today.... I dont even know why. Maybe it is because I don NOT want to go to the doctors tomarrow. The last time I had a GYNO visit was HORRIBLE. LOL Probably why I havent gone in 6 years. The doc was such an arse. I have always sat up since I was 12 but nooooooooo she wanted me to lie down, then was mad cuz she couldnt see nothin and then was just a witch about it. I told her my cervix was tilted!!! Sheesh   I just feel like I am in a viscous cycle. I cant work at a good job with good insurance cuz of my swelling legs and ankles. So I dont have insurance that will pay for surgery. I have a job that doesnt pay enough to get financing for surgery. Its like buying a house, I just dont think its ever gunna happen. I wont be able to work a "normal" job till I lose wieght. I just want to cry. LOL I even thought about playing the Megabucks the other day.   The only 2 people I know that have money are my parents and one of my aunts friends. My parents wont loan me the money. *Sigh* LOL and I only met Rita once, how could I ask for a loan even though I know they have millions of dollars. But at this point I feel desprate. I think I will call my Aunt tomarrow, and see what she thinks. Being poor sucks sometimes.   Its at times like this when I get angry with my parents. Why the hell would they say they would not help with college??? It wasnt my choice that you spent $100 grand on counceling because you all could not get it together. I think I would have chosen my future over that. Its why I had to wait 10 years to go to college, when you know thats all I have ever wanted to do. So now I am almost done and I am afraid cuz I might not be able to work... WTF??? When did life become so complicated???? I remember in my 20s that being poor wasnt a big deal. That was before all of my medical issues. What the hell is up with the cost of Drugs and going to the doctor???? Some days I just want to give up and call it quits.... Put me on Medicaid, give me a check and I can sit on my fat ass and not leave my house EVER. I really have thought about it. Even got a application sent 7 years ago. And the sick thing was my mom was like, go for it!!!! She must have missed the class where ya learn that you should want your kids to do better than yourself. So while she and dad live in thier 4000 sq ft house, going on cruises, snowbird ways, I trudge threw school a full time crappy pay job, live paycheck to paycheck and sink further and further down the working poor class funnel. I am really glad that these days are infrequent...lol OOOO and can I get my brothers phone number??? I only asked 3 years ago!!!! Sheesh....I know she is scared that I will tell the truth but come on, he is sick, I am sick, get over yourself!!!! I have already been sworn to never tell my Grandma she had a child out of wedlock and gave him up for adoption. I was punished cuz I told a friend. I just want to get to know him. I dont think it is fair that I had to meet him once with her there and never been able to talk to him since. It is just crap!   I wonder what my life would have been like if so many things had not happened in my life. Would I have gained wieght? Would I have acted out sexually in childhood? Would I be a Pschologist like I planned? Would I have travled the world?Would I have tried modeling? Would I have become a dancer? Would I have children? I dunno.... But I do know I just want to be able to live, and thrive. I am dying here. I want to leave. My spirt is dying. I miss my "family" that I created. I miss all of the kids. I am afraid I will never be able to have any children now. Which is odd...lol... because I spent most of my 20s fearful of having kids cuz i didnt want to be like my mom.   I married a wonderfull man that has a disability but who loves me unconditionally. He takes care of me, but he will never get a good job till he learns english. He accepts me with all my issues, God only knows he is a Saint, lol. Its amazing that i am so distorted. On a day to day basis I dont think of myself as fat. I catch a glimpse of someone in the mirror, who is that? ooops its me. IS that REALLY me???? Not at all who I think of as myself. I miss dancing,volleyball, softball, cute shoes, swimming all day, holidays..... OMG I let so many things just go by and not even batted an eyelash...   ICK.. ENOUGH LAMENTING.... I shall get my fat arse upstairs and into bed for tomarrow is a new day
Meow=^..^=

Meow=^..^=

4
It's just fat.
 

Waiting

I am 5 months into the 6 month wait. It has been especially tough maintaining this weight and not telling most of my friends and family why I am so heavy and doing nothing about it. These months have forced me to just accept myself, more than ever. I don't know if I've been so sucessful at that. More than anything I just try to ignore how large and gross I feel. I have new stretch marks, something I haven't seen since I was 12 years old. They remind me of the permanence of being this heavy. I'm so anxious to get the weight off. Yet at the same time I go through times where I feel so much apprehension about the surgery. Will I get sick of all the caution around what to eat, chewiing enough, etc.? I am trying to be patient and keep up my self-esteem and body image. I know the weight loss isn't a cure all...but I do think it will feel fantastic!
Constance

Constance

1
sd gypsy's Journal
 

feeling GREAT!!!

Today is my fourth day post op. I am feeling better than I have in a very, very long time..:teeth: However, last night was a bit excrutiating. I had to leave class early to go home. It felt like I was having a heart attack, because the gas was so bad. As soon as i got into the supine position, i felt immensely better.   I cannot believe that less than a week ago, I saved my own life.:biggrin1: It almost feels like i went in for a spa treatment. I know that i'm simplifying and maybe downplaying it a bit, but except for the pesky itching at my incision sites, I am feeling really, very good.   Today, I feel like I have the energy that I used to have when i was a teenager.....a long time ago...in a galaxy far, far away....:speechles   btw...i'm down 5 lbs so far...in 4 days....let me say that again....5 lbs...4 days....woo HOOOOOO!!!:whoo:
sd gypsy

sd gypsy

2
chameleon's Lap-Band Journal
 

tired of waiting

The whole waiting game is gettin pretty old now, I've been persuing htis since February! It's been 4 months now and they are jut now sending the stuff into my insurance company for approval! I am just out of patience I guess. I alo just found out last night that we are going to have to tep up our house hunting because the woman we are renting our house from said she has to sell it. I wish she would have told us last June that she was gonna sell it after a year, because at the time she said "don't worry about me sellin it out from under you, as long as you want to rent is fine. I never would have rented it! Now we are faced with renting again and starting to build or buying whatever house we can find wether we like it or not, and I have not seen anything for less than 200K that I like. I'm startin to think that we need to forget about living within our means and just go for it! We have no credit card debt, only one vehicle loan and that's it. I wonder how much the monthly payment will be to finance 190K? I'll have to go find a mortgage loan sight. Oh well, I do like the excitement of having a big decision on the horizon...why do I like that?? I don't know anyone else that would find any pleasure in it! I also need a new car. Ummm I need to find a way to add about 7 or 8 hundred a month to our income quick! Any ideas? didn't think so! well I'm off to surf for mortgage rates. me
chameleon

chameleon

1
avilla's Journal
 

Celebrating PreOp

Ok, I dont know if anyone else has done this before or not....So, I just thought that I would write it down...Here we go, open and honest....I have been "celebrating my surgery date and insurance approval"... Basically I have been eating everything and anything just to be able to have one last great full enjoyed meal of each one...I know that I am terrible:phanvan , but some of you know exactly what I am talking about....I know that I am big but I also know that I am doing something next week to change my life and i want to go out with a bang:faint: !!!! I have enjoyed the last week since I found out that I was approved, not having to count calories or starving myself but enough is enough...haha...I have noticed that I have gained about 5 lbs and my uniforms for work are getting a little uncomfortable, so thats it....No more going crazy, atleast not until the dinner the night before my surgery, that night I will be having shrimp linguini from red lobster (my all time favorite!!)....Its going to take alot of work and an entirely new mind set starting the day of the surgery...Its going to be a hard, terrible, wonderful, life chaning experience and I have been waiting on this moment for years....On June 22nd I will be starting with my weight loss journals and will be notating them aleast every month or so just so that I can look back at my long journey if I ever feel like falling off the wagon to remind myself on how hard the road has been to get to where I was and how much I never want to revisit where I am now...I will never return to where I am now as long as GOD and the LAPBAND are on my side....and damn the day that the later turns on me...haha..:Dancing_biggrin: :angry :faint: ....It wont happen!!!
avilla

avilla

2
Penni60's Journal
 

Weight update

Weight now: 269 :faint:   Exercise today: 30 min (10 min at 2mph and 5 incline on treadmill; 10 min on the weight bench focusing on Triceps, biceps, and quads; 5 min on the Recumbent bike at full speed = heart rate up to 130; 5 min on Ab lounger)   Diet: Strict adherance to Nutrisystem.   Will check back in later today to report.
Penni60

Penni60

2
Teresita's Journal
 

Weigh In

I just found out that my doctors office scale goes up to 400 pounds......am I happy or am I sad......I don't know but since there is no TOPS meeting I think I will be making a little run to Waldorf to get on the scale and get my pressure checked. YEAHHHHH that is what I am going to do. This is one of those times I would could my girlfriend Linda, who passed, to ask her to ride with me and she would. Whenever I called her to say you wanna go.....she was ready. She was always on time and but of course early. I don't have anyone to share my joy with anymore. She would feel my pain and feel my happiness as if it was her own. I know we were a blessing to each other. I am glad I went to the hospital when I found out she had surgery. I don't feel bad about not going back up there before she passed 2 days later. God allowed me to see her one more time. God is good.
Teresita

Teresita

1
luvlif's Journal
 

finish each day

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can.   Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your own nonsense.- Ralph Waldo Emerson
luvlif

luvlif

1
lins12's Journal
 

June 13

182.5 (still after yesterday---thank goodness)   I need to figure out the emotional reason why I am wanting to eat/binge at night. Have an appointment with the counselor. Thank God for the band bc otherwise I would eat a ton more I feel certain.   I think there is a lot going on with me- rejection seems to be a theme and I suspect the new world of dating, etc. Am I trying to sabatoge myself?   this has to be an emotional issue. How did I go so long without this out of control feeling that I am getting now?   BREAKFAST: 90 Cottage Cheese 11P TIGHT   LUNCH: Seafood Cobb Salad -Shrimp, grilled scallops, diced egg whites, avocado over mixed greensSalad with Ranch, 2 pieces of bread   SNACK: 4 little bitty snickers, 200 calories   DINNER: At silent auction thing--toffee, little quiches, brie and crackes, wine
lins12

lins12

1
Betty_boop's Journal
 

About me!

Well here I am and thank you for stopping by. Since I don’t like to repeat myself, if you click the link below it will take you to my blog that I have been keeping for over a year with all my thoughts and struggles…no fluff!…..Okay, a little fluff along with the non-fluff stuff. I hope you will stop by; I will be keeping it up to date every few days. Surgery date, June 15th, 2006 Start weight at consultation 208 Highest weight 237 Goal weight 120 Click right here for my blog!!!
Betty_boop

Betty_boop

1

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