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Courtney's Journey Journal
 

My thoughts

Okay, well I'm off for surgery with Dr. Sanchez on Monday at 7:15A. I can tell that I'm really nervous..so much it's caused Aunt flow to run late this month-sigh! I believe I'm starting my journey at 265lbs, but I don't have a scale at home to confirm..I thinks now's the time to get one. A little about my background....I'm 28, no kids, not married-have a very supportive boyfriend that I live with, have two dogs (Italian Mastiff and a Pitbull), 5 horses (one I show-showjumping), and have been heavy all my life. I've always been very active in sports and have never been hindered by my weight until these past couple of years. Reason being, in Sept of 2004, I had major spinal surgery that included: bone graphs to reconstruct my spine, fusion to keep it from slipping, and bolts to hold it all in place. From there, my weight has just sky rocketed (went into surgery at 220lbs) and I can now see and feel the added pressure/weight. Long story short, I ready to reclaim my life and get back in the saddle..literally! So, that leads me to now and Monday...I start my new walk into a new me! Funny thing is, I don't care what the doctor's say about my ideal weight...I know that I only want to be at 175-180lbs...I love my thick body and don't want to go any lower!   I'll have to post pictures soon.....just as soon as I learn how! =)
msbrookins

msbrookins

5
Marimaru's Journal
 

Another place to put things

My best mothod of journaling is online. I have another online journal that I type in, sometimes it's just ranting, sometimes I make the entries private and sometimes I don't. But I think I will use this one to journal about things that I think have to do with why I had a wieght problem in the first place, and why I haven't been losing very fast.   I've been in therapy for about 2 months now, going once a week. The way Catherine works is very helpful to me. She doesn't actually say much at all. I start talking about whatever is on my mind, and she'll throw in a little question or a little insight to keep me going, or turn me in a different direction. SHE doesn't TELL me, that I have anger issues, or this or that, I come to those things myself.   I first went to her, because I was having trouble dealing with things going on with my dad. Namely the idea that he did not go to my sister's wedding, and all of the things surrounding that. I've discovered that I really didn't feel like I had a father figure. I mean, a father is supposed to protect you, and my 'father' didn't pay the bills, and didn't take care of lots of things. When my mom left, I had to get my sisters to school, make sure they were okay after school, make sure that dad was going to be home before I could go play with my friends. I was babysitting from age 8 or 9.   I've also discovered that I kind of feel like my mom abandoned me back then. We lived in Colorado, and she went to California for work. She worked at a place that was supposed to open a call center in Denver that she would then come back and run. During that time, my parents decided on divorce, and so my mom stayed in Cali. She called often, and visited when she could, and had us out to visit when she could, but none of that kept me from having to take care of my sisters. Then, when we'd go visit her, she'd get on me about 'parenting' them and I didn't even realize I was doing it. Everyone still calls me "mini mom" to this day.   Yesterday, I realized that I was very angry with them about the whole thing. I mean, who might I have been if I hadn't been required to turn into the 'mini mom' that had to take care of and protect her sisters? Would I have turned to food for control? Would I have had more fun with my friends? Would I have been more confident? Would I have done drugs? Would I have actually rebelled against my parents? Would I have done better in school? Had more friends? I can't help but think that I'd be a more 'well rounded' person. And I can't help but feel like feeling this way is stupid, since I'll never know the answers to any of those questions. Catherine told me that I should give it some thought, and kind of grieve it.   My mom always tells people not to hold onto things. If someone brings up something from the past, she says "Well, you are just going to have to get over that". I think since I wasn't 'allowed' to hold onto things, and I was never taught how to actually deal with them, I just stuffed them all down so that I wasn't bringing them up, but, I also wasn't doing anything about them. So now I have like 18 years worth of stuff to deal with. And that makes me mad too.   So I guess I am journaling this here, because I believe that I have a mental block about losing more weight. I am 5 lbs from being halfway to goal, and I am 15 lbs from onederland. I think that scares me. I think it scares me because if I do well, people want better, and if I do better, people want even more than that. :think
Marimaru

Marimaru

4
Teresita's Journal
 

Thursday

I'm here.....PMS...I'm sure. I feel depressed and going through my mood swings. I feel like I don't have anyone to lift me up.     Ding ding ding ding my girlfriend Linda.....I miss her......:think . That is partially what's wrong with me. I don't have her to talk to anymore. We would talk just about everyday.   I need a hug.[/b]:emoticon(':hugz')"]
Teresita

Teresita

4
Bettina's Journal
 

From bad to worse

I have been up since 6:45am......yesterday. This is frustrating. When my husband got up for work at 4:30am...I quick ran in the kitchen and pretended I was doing dishes. I will make it a point today to take a nap. I can't wait to get my sleep mask and get back to normal...ugh.
Bettina

Bettina

5
My Journey
 

7-27-06 Through the food court

Yesterday, I attended the mandatory seminar about WLS at the hospital I will have my surgery at. The seminar was rather uneventful and was two hours long! Thanks to this board and other literature, I already knew most of what was presented! However, the interesting part of the seminar is actually where it was located! Now call this irony, but they had us "heard" through the hospital's cafeteria to the meeting room! What is this a sick joke? ha ha, I doubt it, but I found the placement of the meeting rather humurous.
Veggestyle

Veggestyle

1
Bettina's Journal
 

I survived the Sleep Apnea "fitting"

Finally its over, I had my fitting last night. OMG I asked for the nose pillow head piece. And while it is skinny....I felt like Warf from Star Trek...big bumpy ridges along my nose. The air was doing 90 up my little nostrils...lol Okay so I calm down ---I put it on...sitting on the bed watching "Jaws". Its blowing air out the front like nobody's business....I am thinking hubby is gonna have a fit, I'll never be able to sleep in bed again!!! :notagree The worst part was the freezing. The tech told me it would be room temp air....umm no, my teeth froze, my nose froze, my ears were starting to ache.....and now I had to pee. (i never ever get up in the middle of the night for anything!!) The air was so fast that my cheeks were filling with air....for fun, I'd open my mouth and a big bunch of air came out...too funny. Twice the nose thingy's pressed against my cartiledge of my nose and the air stopped...lol. :painkiller: I was gonna call the tech, but she was watching me....lol. So she came in and gave me a plain hose with two little nose things...with a strap for my head. She put the humidifier on too. OMG I am cured (not really but you know what I mean) Finally found my C-Pap "happy place".:clap2: And, it doesn't make me sound like Darth Vader (like the first one did) I was laying in bed snickering like an idiot thinking "Luke, I am your father" Ugh. So the tech was really sweet and I was explaining "nurse-zilla" (prev Journal) to her and she said "you know what you are done with that...I am putting a rush on this and you'll be done....it says you need your surgery in August in your file, and we are gonna make it happen" OMG I wanted to cry!!! So they are reading the report asap...I will have my machine two days later and then I can call the doc and say.....Sign me up!! I am afraid that he might be booked for August:nervous ....so it has to be done early Sept before my classes are too hot and heavy into work. That should be that for the hurdles!!!:clap2:
Bettina

Bettina

2
Blog 8403
 

1st post Doc. Visit

207# My scale is off my 3 #'s :omg: But all is well. He said that I can swim and continue w/the way I'm eating. Need to make an appointment w/Radiology for my first fill in about 2 weeks. But if I'm doing well enough I can cancel it. I know that I'm full faster now but I don't know how I'll be in 2 weeks. Bruce is concernded that me might lose his job because of a conflict w/the new department manager. If he loses his job where will that leave me w/this new tool?
SanDiegoUbermom

SanDiegoUbermom

1
luvlif's Journal
 

7/26 212.8LBS V.RESTRICTED!

:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: MY SIZE 10 OLD NAVY CAPRIS NOW FIT! YES! :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: I FIT A SIZE 12 MAY 27TH I'LL BE A SIZE 8 SEPT 27 I'LL BE A SIZE 6 NOV 29 ! 2 WEEKS BEFORE MY 1 YR ANNIVERSARY:clap2:   YESTERDAY MY BEIGE LIZ CLAIB. SILK JACKET FIT.
luvlif

luvlif

1
avilla's Journal
 

Double Dog Dang!!

Dang It!!!I was doing so good last week and now this week I cant get that scale to move one ounce...I am staying calm and keeping up with what I am suppose to be doing...I think that my body is taking a break and trying to catch up...If not, I get my fill next Friday and it will whoop that bands tookas and remind it whos boss:yield:
avilla

avilla

3
LittleBird's Journal
 

Day 6 - fear and cake

I have 21 days to surgery and I'm scared. Fear is the body's way to keep change at bay - we get comfortable in every sense of the word and change is a threat. I know this. I'm not going to give in to fear. Some one said having LapBand is like "freedom" and thats what I'm going to believe.   Having already lost some weight - I think "I can just do this on my own" but then I remember how many times I've been down that road and it all comes back.   I went to AA last night - haven't been in a while. Someone suggested I should tell my sponsor my plans, so I went with that in mind. I was pushed away - for real, not just my perception. I was told "don't let life get in the way of AA". Wow. That was the last place I expected to be judged for not meeting someone elses expectations. It's ok. I'll get my support elsewhere.   On another note - they had cake - very moist yummy cake - I thought "I can't eat that!!", but then I had a celebration of sorts. I decided this may very well be the last cake I ever eat. I took the smallest piece and savored every bite - cream cheese frosting and rasperries with chocolate....I told myself to feel no guilt and just enjoy the flavor knowing it was the last for a very long time. So I did.   I feel strong in my decision (in spite of fear) and every time I think about it - it comes in flashes of excitement and anticipation throughout the day - I get that little jolt of adreneline...you know the one??
LittleBird

LittleBird

2
Telly's Journal
 

167lbs today, hot damn!

I hope I can keep this momentum up. If I can, then I won't need a fill anytime soon. I think the last 10lbs will be the ass kicker and that's when the fill will come into play. WOOOOT:scared:
Telly

Telly

4
Ali's Musings and Meanderings...
 

weigh day...

Think some things are taking their toll...mainly the sun. With going swimming so much I have been out in the heat 10x more than I usually do in the summer. Today after my swim and lunch I didn't feel 100%, not terrible but I was tired and had enough of the sun (even though was sat in shade!!!). Came home, had a nap and feel better now. No walking today though. After all the frustrations of last couple of weeks, I have now gone and dropped 8lbs...I suppose I should accept thats just the way it's going to be for me. fab on the days I lose and annoying as hell the weeks I dont! Anyway another 8lbs gone...:clap2: :clap2: and now only 1lb from 70 gone and 6lbs from twoterville...not been there in a long time!
A1ikou

A1ikou

3
jenMomTo3's Journal
 

Day of surgery in detail.....

I woke up at 4:30 am I was starving due to being on liquids for over 36 hours and nothing for the last 8 hours. Got in the shower and left by 5:00. My dh stoped at starbucks and they were CLOSED haha serves him right... So At the hos. by 5:30 I went to the back to get checked in my room. Dh waited out in the waiting room. They asked me all the same questions that they asked the day before over the phone and keyed me in the system. My dh came back with me at 6:30 to hurry up and wait... At 7 the nurse came back in and told me to tell dh by, The first surgeries of the morning you were not allowed to take family back because they were so full. This was a shock, and brought the tears... I wanted, needed him back there with me.   I rode to the pre-op room bawling and scared. The anastelogist came back and did paper work then started my IV. Did great and hit it on the first shot. He then read my history with throwing up and gave me some fenagrin through my IV. Because I was so upset he also pushed so "I don't care meds" In there and I was happy again. I don't remember much but I do recall the nursing when pushing me into the op. room she bumped in to a wall and I said real loud "someone get over her and help this little girl drive this bed" Everyone laughed...   The next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room. If felt I was going to throw up and started dry heeving. They hurried and pushed lots of meds to keep me from puking... then I told them My left side of my stomach was on fire and my shoulders were hurting they said that was air... it stayed that way for several hours, even after 8 shots of de-lada. (spelling) I also had to keep drinking water and getting finagrin because I kept dry heeving.   The way the most pain I have ever been in. The dry heeving, man that hurt like the dickens. But I only truly threw up once, which is great for me because normally I after surgery I throw up for hours... In recover my oxygen kept falling to 75 because i was hold my breath. The alarms kept going off and they would run over there and tell me to breath.. As soon as my breathing was in the 90's and stayed there for 15mins (3 hours) they took me to my room. My dh was there and he said he was so worried because all they would tell him was that "I was fine", but when he asked why I was not out of recovery yet they would tell him "I was having problems breathing" So he was worried.. He said he called like 6 times and they were getting pissed at him... LOL he so sweet, hes my protector!!   In the room they had me eating ice and trying to get up and around. The first time I got up I felt real dizzy and nausious. I saw the bathroom and headed that way. The nurse asked if I had to potty and I said yes. So i went and tried but sat there for 20 mins and could not go. I did fall asleep on the toilet though.. My dh was like "jen, If your going to sleep go get in the bed.." LOL so we went back to the bed. I was in and out of it for several hours. I know at one point my mom called and I said "ass" I never cuse in front of my mom. Then I asked her "did I just say ass" lol she was like yeah but you have said alot of things that didn't make sense. LOL   I don't remember this but my dh said I kept talking in my sleep. One comment that he said I said was "Chase don't pee on the floor" (Thats my youngest and we are potty training) LOL He said I said alot of things that did't make sense but it was all the drugs talking.. The nurse kept asking me if I had to potty yet and I did my stomach hurt because I had to go so bad. I had three full IV bags in me plus the ice I ate. I needed to go but couldn't! It just would not come out.. I was getting aggervated. I was told I would be out of the hospital in 3-6 hours and I had already been there for 11 hours. I wanted to go home....   Around 4:45 I tried again to pee, I in the bathroom and sat down ,put my hand in warm running water and everything. I even let dh pee so maybe that would make me go. But it didn't... The nurse came in with a big glass of warm water and had my pour it down there and low and behold I peeed, oh it felt so good!!! I must have went for 10 mins straight... yeahhhh I get to go home, I finally peed! So we went back to the room and waited till they got a hold on my doc. At 5"30 I was tired of waiting so I got up and told them I was leaving.. they got a wheelchair and rolled me out...   At home I was in a little more pain than at the hos. Because my meds had worn off but in no way was it something I could not handle. My bf had my kids and the oldest were going to stay with her while the youngest two (hers and mine) came home with me. They are easy I can just put a movie on and they will watch it.. I don't have to intertain them.. Last night i slept on the couch half the night then around two I went and got in bed. I was comfy sleeping on my right side with pillows under my left side for support. (port on the left)I feel ok today with a little sorness and lots of gas. Thankfully it does not smell.. LOL i am just full of hot air... Today I am just going to chill and stick to my liquids for now. I have not had anything to eat sense sunday around 8:00 pm and at this point I don't want any... we will see how long that last. LOL   Signing off.... I AM IN BANDLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JMO

JMO

3
nikkiboo34's Journal
 

Introducing the newest Diva!!

I am a 35yr. old mother of 3 beautiful boys, and I have been married for 2 1/2 yrs. now to a hard working man. I am a christian, and enjoy music very much. It varies from gosple, R&B, neo-soul, some country, old school, jazz, and some classics. I enjoy writing, meeting new people, and good conversation.
nikkiboo34

nikkiboo34

1
vinesqueen's Journal
 

Friday's UFC, a personal best

I've been on a dewsy of a High since about Thursday, I've been testing back-to-back since Friday night. (ok, I didn't test from Midnight lastnight to 10:30 this morning because the lab I use was out of UFC jugs.)   Chris called me this afternoon, which I missed her first two calls. I was in the backyard sleeping under the maples. She called again this evening, and gave me Friday's results ....   Friday I hit 299. The Gods only know what I hit yesterday and today, when I feel like I was much Higher than Friday. I should have those results probably on Thusday... I don't even want to think about what happens on Thusday.   Anyway, Chris said they want me to come back down to OHSU on my next High cycle. So, that should be in two weeks, give or take.   I expect to crash in the next day or so, if my pattern holds true.
vinesqueen

vinesqueen

1
vericks's Journal/Vickie
 

Not losing/fist fill

I got my first fill two weeks ago, 1cc, and I haven't seen any progress, which has been a bit discouraging. I keep fluctuating betweeen losing and gaining two pounds. It appears I have lost a total of 13 to 14 pounds since my surgery on May 9th. I admit my eating habits have not been as they should and I haven't been doing a regular exercise routine, so obviously I need to start recording the food and amount I am eating, as well as being consistent with my exercise. I pretty much can eat anything as before so I am hoping with another fill that things will be a bit more limited. This is definitly not like the rouxen-y with the rapid weight loss in the first few months. I hope the next fill will progress me further. I guess I need to find me a support group.
vericks

vericks

2
vinesqueen's Journal
 

temper temper

So, I'm feeling really High, which doesn't help.   I woke up late, not that I have anything to do with my life, but I wanted to get up before it got hot. Husband refuses to sleep with me, so I'm generally pissed off about that. He doesn't want to sleep outside with me, and inside is ... well there is no way I can sleep in the house its so hot. He said there was no room. IT'S THE FREAKING BACK-YARD! HOW MUCH ROOM DOES HE THINK HE NEEDS????   So. I got up late. Took my two full UFC jugs from yesterday into the lab so I could have my blood drawn. They always want it fasting, so no coffee yet for me. Because it's a fasting-draw, it means the my morning is disrupted, because I dont' have my coffee. It's the ritual, more than the caffein, I think.   Get to the lab, they draw my blood. I've been doing back-to-back UFCs since Friday, but they ran out of the containers because I'm pee-ing my brains out. (Is it normal to pee 5000 ccs a day? I think not.) Anyway, this morning they got a shipment of supplies, and the containers they got for the UFCs are 3 counces. THREE OUNCE BOTTLES FOR ME! Ok, that was actually funny.   Did I mention that I got a phone call about 5 minutes after I got up? It was from the breast cancer center. They found a large mass in my right breast.   Obviously, 3-oz bottles are not going to cut it for the pee machine I've turned into, so the other lab-tech drives over to their main office to get the right ones for me. While she's gone, I decide I'll head over to the grocery store to get a latte. I bought some small grocery items, while i was there, some specialty coffee stuff. I got some cash back so could go to the movies to beat the heat.   I go back and get my correct UFC containers, and it hits me that the total at the grocery store was a little excessive, so I double checked my recipt. They over charged me for the maple sugar, by $4! So, I drive back to the grocery store and get that straightened out. I leave the store, and the sugar on the counter. Then I realize I've lost the $20 bucks I got earlier, and the guy comes out with my sugar.   So, by this time, I'm cranky, my head is splitting, my kidneys hurt, and I've just realized I've lost a $20 bill. Oh, and I have to pee. I go to call my husband, wanting him to say something sweet to me, and disover he's forgotten to pay the cell phone bill. In my frustration, I had a temper tantrum, and threw the phone onto the passenger seat, which promptly bounced against the window.... That was the best part of the morning. That I'd rolled up the window.   I didn't realize that my son, who's been driving my car, left me on empty. I don't think I have enough to make it to the gas station. So, he's not going to drive my car again, not for a long while. Oh, and the last time he drove it, he and his girlfriend destroyed my MP3 adapter so I can listen to it through the car stereo.   All I wantted to do when I got home was take a baseball bat to something. Anything. My husband's motorcycle. The broken one he bought for me and refuses to fix. Smash all the mirrors in the house because I can't stant the sight of me anymore. Break every dish in the house, throw all his clothes out on the lawn and set them on fire, take an ax to the shed.
vinesqueen

vinesqueen

2
Jodie_Warner06's Journal
 

Hmmm...............Launch in 3..........2.....................1.................

Ok so today I logged on just to see what was going on and found this option which I think is really great since I cant blog on Xanga or Myspace about my weight loss basically because I dont want anyone knowing my current weight ya know? IT just brings on heartache.......................So anyway this is definately more of a test run. I seem to have trouble losing weight, although I am having a hard time eating my food during my meals, and I am not snacking, trust me, we dont have groceries lol! Anyway I wanted to see what this was all about..............................:rolleyes :kiss2:
j_war06

j_war06

3
Blog 8403
 

Day 14

Well I'm not having those pains anymore. Well I haven't since the weekend. I'm back onto solid food and all is well. Sunday I took a nap around 4:30 and didn't get up till 7:30 the next morning when DH asked me to get up to make sure I was ok. I was fine. Monday was sooooooooo hot. Today is better but it's muggy. I've had a egg breakfast burrito. I tossed half the tortillia. I didn't like the way it tasted. I used immitation egg beaters. It wasn't to bad. Well it's 12:40 and I'm getting hungery again. Not sure what I want to eat that well keep me full for the next few hours. I need to drink more I know that. Oh ya; on Sunday I went to Taste of China and they won't give me the kids meal price. They say that they have people that just order from the full menu and take the rest home. The kids need to go back to school. Their getting on my nerves. I have my first follow up appt w/Dr. Bronson tomorrow. Won't get a fill for another 3 weeks.
SanDiegoUbermom

SanDiegoUbermom

1

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